Fred Luskin

So many of the responses that we consider innate are actually off kilter because of our need and desperate biological necessity to deal with danger and threat. So in an accident, you're going to distort this to keep your ego intact to deal with the threat.

Our memories are state-dependent. So that when you're unhappy, that gives greater access in your brain to other times when you were unhappy. When you're angry, you have greater access to stories and times when you are angry. That is to allow us to draw upon the past as to how to solve the issue that we're dealing with now.

Our memories are state-dependent. So that when you're unhappy, that gives greater access in your brain to other times when you were unhappy. When you're angry, you have greater access to stories and times when you are angry. That is to allow us to draw upon the past as to how to solve the issue that we're dealing with now.

Our memories are state-dependent. So that when you're unhappy, that gives greater access in your brain to other times when you were unhappy. When you're angry, you have greater access to stories and times when you are angry. That is to allow us to draw upon the past as to how to solve the issue that we're dealing with now.

So it would do no good if you're angry now and your memory is access to lying on the beach in Hawaii. You're not gonna get much information.

So it would do no good if you're angry now and your memory is access to lying on the beach in Hawaii. You're not gonna get much information.

So it would do no good if you're angry now and your memory is access to lying on the beach in Hawaii. You're not gonna get much information.

So when we have a habit of creating grievance stories around life, not only are we reacting to the current experience, but we get access to a pattern of creating grievance stories that makes the current story seem more real and the response to it seem more usual.

So when we have a habit of creating grievance stories around life, not only are we reacting to the current experience, but we get access to a pattern of creating grievance stories that makes the current story seem more real and the response to it seem more usual.

So when we have a habit of creating grievance stories around life, not only are we reacting to the current experience, but we get access to a pattern of creating grievance stories that makes the current story seem more real and the response to it seem more usual.

I mean, Alice, like everybody, tries usually what the fight-or-flight brain gives it. So if you don't like your in-laws, you go, well... I'm not going to talk to them, or I am going to tell them how I feel, or I'm going to stew, or I'm going to tell my husband to stop.

I mean, Alice, like everybody, tries usually what the fight-or-flight brain gives it. So if you don't like your in-laws, you go, well... I'm not going to talk to them, or I am going to tell them how I feel, or I'm going to stew, or I'm going to tell my husband to stop.

I mean, Alice, like everybody, tries usually what the fight-or-flight brain gives it. So if you don't like your in-laws, you go, well... I'm not going to talk to them, or I am going to tell them how I feel, or I'm going to stew, or I'm going to tell my husband to stop.

Or sometimes you say, well, none of that worked, so I won't talk to them, or I'll make the conversation short, or when they visit, I won't be here. And the really handy thing is, Instead of continuing strategies that don't help you, take 15 minutes and write them down. So we asked Alice, what do you do when your in-laws are not what you want them to be? She wrote down six things.

Or sometimes you say, well, none of that worked, so I won't talk to them, or I'll make the conversation short, or when they visit, I won't be here. And the really handy thing is, Instead of continuing strategies that don't help you, take 15 minutes and write them down. So we asked Alice, what do you do when your in-laws are not what you want them to be? She wrote down six things.

Or sometimes you say, well, none of that worked, so I won't talk to them, or I'll make the conversation short, or when they visit, I won't be here. And the really handy thing is, Instead of continuing strategies that don't help you, take 15 minutes and write them down. So we asked Alice, what do you do when your in-laws are not what you want them to be? She wrote down six things.

We said, did they work? She said, no. We said, don't do them again. And so we saved Alice a lot of grief Because if like being snarky to your in-laws is not helpful, at least don't be snarky. Say to yourself, I know what doesn't work. Let me see if I can experiment to find out what does work.

We said, did they work? She said, no. We said, don't do them again. And so we saved Alice a lot of grief Because if like being snarky to your in-laws is not helpful, at least don't be snarky. Say to yourself, I know what doesn't work. Let me see if I can experiment to find out what does work.

We said, did they work? She said, no. We said, don't do them again. And so we saved Alice a lot of grief Because if like being snarky to your in-laws is not helpful, at least don't be snarky. Say to yourself, I know what doesn't work. Let me see if I can experiment to find out what does work.

But that's the direct result of anger on the brain. Anger reduces blood flow to the prefrontal cortex, your thinking capacity and your creativity are dimmed. If you can soothe that anger in the moment, then you get your blood flow and your brain back and you get a chance to think of some different strategies. And that is the simplest description of how forgiveness is helpful.