Gabor Maté

Well, funny you should ask, because my next book is going to be, which I'm writing with my son Daniel, is going to be Hello Again, a fresh start for parents and adult children.

And there are ways of working on that relationship and people, or at least to come to terms with that relationship.

The parents, like myself, who objectively sense or know that the way they were parents when their kids were small,

created some problems for their kids that they, the children's adults, are going to have to deal with.

First of all, drop the guilt.

You did your best.

That was your best at the time with who you were, what you understood, and where you were at in life.

So drop the guilt.

It doesn't help you to look at your children through the eyes of guilt.

Your children don't want to be seen as your mistake.

Drop it.

Secondly, own it.

Yeah, that happened.

Thirdly, it's up to the kids to work it out.

You can't heal them.

They need to take on that responsibility.

You can support them in it, but you can't do it for them.

And any need that you have that they should be different is your problem.

That's what my advice to parents is.

I know it's tough advice because as a parent, every fiber of your being wants your kid to be okay and wants your kids to be happy and you want to make it happen.