Gary Direnfeld

And the parent, that child will have that same quizzical look and then an aha moment will look up at the parent and say something like, nicely?

And the parent goes, yes.

Welcome back home, let's go inside.

But we're reorienting the child to where they are back in this parent's home, away from the other parent.

So whatever transpired back in the other parent's home, we have a break in time and space.

Now we're entering your new world, sweetheart.

And these are the rules.

this world we don't disparage we don't put down we don't we're not yellers and screamers sweetheart oh yeah right and look if the kid comes in and they kind of forget what transpired at the door daddy says you're at this or you're at that again the only response is yeah daddy has a lot of feelings about me come let's make dinner and the reason you do that is because your behavior

has to signal to the child who you are.

If you engage, how dare that parent say that?

You can't talk to me that way.

You are showing the child you are the angry parent that the other one blamed you for being.

If you're able to let it wash off you, be kind, gentle, and just move on, that creates a cognitive dissonance for the child.

They have to say, well, I'm told...

Mommy or daddy is this way, yet their behavior is loving.

I'm going to believe my eyes, not what I'm told.

That's right.

But sometimes the parent...

You know, depending on their own upbringing, if they are targeted, they may feel vulnerable.

They may express it as anger.