Gordon Flett

Yeah.

And I think not only are they caught up in terms of ruminating about mistakes and falling short, I believe they also ruminate and brood over interactions where people have made them feel like they don't matter.

And what happens is that that then is a bridge to depression.

So imagine if you're feeling depressed and then you're also ruminating about why you're feeling depressed and then you're ruminating and thinking over and over about why aren't people seeing me and treating me as more significant.

and why is my friend so significant and i'm not what is it about me and then people unfortunately conclude well they must be defective they must have some shortcoming that and they're just getting treated the way they deserve to be treated when in fact they don't deserve to be treated that way

Yes, that's the great thing about it.

We can get a sense of agency and a sense of importance by engaging in a pursuit of making other people feel better, making a difference.

I saw this with my wife's uncle who almost lived to 100.

He lived by himself in the house he was born with by himself.

for almost 100 years.

And he became the incredible volunteer to his community.

He would actually deliver Meals on Wheels to people who were younger than him, and he would cackle when he'd tell me this.

I'm in my 90s, and I'm giving help to people who are younger than me.

He was also the church organist for over 80 years, because it was right around the corner, the church from his

from his home.

And I said to him one time, Derek, Uncle Derek, I said, how on earth have you got by?

Have you ever had experience of loneliness?

And he cut me off.

He goes, not even for a second.

He goes, because I know there are people in my community who care about me, but also rely and depend on me, which is a key part of feeling of mattering, is that you can