Greg Gutfeld
Appearances
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
But you know what? I've got to say. What do you have to say? I have to say that the hardest thing that you're dealing with, I think, is that nobody respects the media enough to give them an answer after what they did to the American people for four plus years. They covered up.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
Well, if it was only that, then why are they putting it on other people? If you want to do the actual math, you can talk about how many teams are these students on, how many members of the family are in that teen's life, and then the other teams that they play. Then you'll see it exponentially grows. But they're arguing against their own point.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
If this is such a small thing, why did you make it into a law? It's a shame that Newsom reacts only to political consequences and not moral ones. So it makes it the job of parents and of Trump to create the political consequences so he will act. Okay, let's talk about the change in the law. And maybe, Jessica, you might know more about this. I don't know.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
It will allow girls who are eliminated because they lost to a trans female, i.e. a dude, to advance... And then lose to the same person again. So it's like saying it's almost like no cash bail. It's like, hey, you got mugged and you press charges. But the guy's out and now he knows where you live. So he's going to beat you again. This guy's mad because you got to see what I mean.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
It's like it's it's like you can't have your cake and eat it, too. It's almost like a non-binary law. I have you know, we talk about the parents of the just normal, healthy kids. What about the parents of trans parents? Nobody talks about that. And that like what is the sunk cost of their decision that they're putting their kids through this only to realize?
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
And they're going to realize it because it's a fact. It's a contagion. It's a delusional fad. How are you going to be able to deal with that? Or are you going to continue to deny reality? so that they can live with themselves in the decision they made. But you may have participated in the worst hysteria that has ever affected children in history. Again, you've got to do something.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
And I think right now, the only people that come out on the side of this trans thing know somebody who's trans. They say it's only 10. Well, they're really loud.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
It's a he. So men are playing in women's sports. We don't do the pronoun game here.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
I think that they should get rid of all gender distinctions, let the boys and girls compete together, and see what happens to girls' sports, Jessica.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
Talk about a bomb on Broadway. Tony Award winner Patti LaPony is lashing out at President. It's Patti LaPony. Trump's overhaul of the Kennedy Center calling for the building to get blown up. She wants to blow up the building, Jessica. What is it with you liberals wanting to blow up stuff? I'm tired of you coming over here and blowing our stuff up.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
Do you think this is selective bias? We only hear this from liberals, but we don't. So we think that the performing arts is all liberals. But there's a lot of people that are quiet.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
That's true, Dan. It's like they're getting high off their own supply. You know, their derangement has actually, like, now it's recursive. They just deranged themselves.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
That's Jesse's job. Rosanna, this girl, Peggy Laponia. Patti LuPone. Peggy what? Patti LuPone.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
Now, I didn't even know Patty was trans until you just said that. I don't know. I mean, a trans woman is a trans woman. Wait, wait, wait. Is a woman. They're telling me she's a woman. Okay. I'm sorry. But, I mean, aren't trans women? So, does it matter? No, no, no.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
Why are we making a distinction? What's her name? Patricia? It's Patty LaHoo. Patty LaHearn? I don't know.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
I'm not a woman. They're just showing pictures. I don't know. I think she's beautiful. Me too. Me too. Hashtag the fastest up next.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
It's like this is one lazy bird. You know, you could already fly. You don't need a ticket. By the way, I blame DEI. How did that pigeon get on the plane? DEI. Look it up.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
We got a great show tonight. We got Rich Voss. He's a comedian. Paul Morrow. Emily Campagno. Tyrus. Isn't that great? Hey, let's do this. Greg's sexy miniature horse news. Miniature. Miniature horse news. Oh. Yeah, you know who that is? That's Carmela.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
Yeah. Yeah, I used to date Patti LuPone. That's Vigo. That's Vigo. This is at the San Francisco Zoo. There's nothing they like more than rolling around. A good roll in the hay, but there's no hay. So what the hay? And it's in San Francisco. So what do the horses say? Hey!
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
I know. I was watching that. I remember that. That angered me deeply. Dana.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
The funny thing is, the reason why there's so much opposition to the bill is because it didn't go far enough. This is not about spending. I mean, you're saying this bill is awful because they're going to be cutting. We have to cut. We are heading toward a doom spiral. We're in a doom spiral.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
I'm saying that. But that's not why you're mad about it. You're mad that they might cut something or they might cut taxes and they might cut Medicaid. I'm saying is you should be mad that they're not cutting more. In terms of cutting Medicaid, let's be honest about the Medicaid stuff. This is about able-bodied young men and illegal immigrants. So push that aside and talk about the fact that.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
You and I don't like the bill, but I don't like the bill because it's not going to stop the apocalypse. You don't like the bill because you want to press on the gas and go right off the cliff. Those are two different attitudes. We need to cut the deficit, not raise it. Can I talk about the shadow cabinet? Please. Okay. What is this story called? I know it's not summer. It's a clickbait story.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
It's a summer clickbait story. No research, no reporting at all. As for a shadow cabinet, we already had one. It was four years under Biden. It was a cabal. It was responsible for the auto pens and the EOs. They had a shadow cabinet and kept Joe in a real cabinet while Kamala was at the liquor cabinet. Meanwhile. It raises the question, who signed the pardons?
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
Did Hunter Biden create and sign his own pardon? Because that is balls. But it's also illegal and it has to be stopped. If you look at this... Celebrity-filled cabinet, though, it basically is like a covers band of Trump. It's like, hey, he's on TV. He's famous. He's got a name. Let's do what he does. But it's like trying to create a human by pasting together body parts. It doesn't make it alive.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
It's still dead, and you're still not doing the hard work, which is you have to change. You have Pete Buttigieg talking about the language, but the Dems are focused on the language because they realize the substance underneath it is what people hate. He talks about condescension.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
Okay, is there a condescending way, a non-condescending way, to deny a border, to deny biology, to deny government corruption, crime, vagrancy, or spending into oblivion? Is there a humble conversational way that you can attract men when you're talking about women with penises or men wanting to play women's sports or cutting up your kids in gender experiments?
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
Is there some kind of non-confrontational way that you can do that? Because I'm all ears. My point being is it doesn't matter what language you use. It's the ideas under underneath it. The Dems obsess over language because the ideas are so putrid. A great idea requires fifth grade vocabulary. I know a bad idea. A bad idea requires a teacher's lounge vocabulary.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
A great idea could be monosyllabic, much like something that Jesse would understand.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
Yeah, build the wall. Exactly. But if you're going to talk about boys playing and girls sports, man, you've got to call that teacher's lounge right up and get the right words. The Dems are facing a huge cliff. It's like when you quit drugs or quit drinking. What is my life going to be like without identity politics, without the oppression filter?
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
How do I look at issues when that thing isn't there? How do I wake up in the morning and not look through this prism? You've got to do it.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
The Dems and the media spent his first term with their hair on fire over his tweets. Four years later, their solution is they let their hair grow out again and set it on fire again. And it's not working. Trump gives them so much. And all they do is cry. No, no, no. Make it stop. Make the mean man stop. Look, you had four years of hibernation. You didn't have to do squats. You get nothing from us.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
It's funny. Now you have to do your job and nobody cares. It's like there's nothing the media can do. Nobody trusts you. You're like the background. You're like the sound of an air conditioner in a room. We just got used to the hum. We don't even know you're there. You know, the funny thing is the Dems don't understand Trumpers. that Trumpers understand that Trump is a package deal.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
You know, we know what we're getting with Trump, and it's an all-inclusive package. Maybe there's some things you could do without it, but you can't do Trump a la carte. There's just no way to do it. I used to think that he won in spite of Trump's tweets. I think now he won because of it, because the outbursts and his kind of tone and attitude tells you everything's in working order.
The Five
The Five 05-28-2025
It's like, you know, when you have a Shelby Mustang in the driveway, you hear the engine. It's loud. It's scary. But it's working. Meanwhile, the Democrats car is in the garage. It's up on blocks and it's sputtering every time you turn the key.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
You know, here's the deal. Democrats should watch the Tim Dillon interview by the CNN reporter, Ellie Reeves, I think, because you'll see that you'll see two different mindsets. And the reporter is trapped in this rhetorical prison, which every question she asks is, what was Elon thinking? What was J.D. Vance thinking? They are paralyzed.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
The left is paralyzed in this like default setting of mind reading. They think that they can read your mind. They know that you're having racist thoughts. You can't be serious when you said what you said. You really don't believe that, do you? This is a huge downfall for the left because as a filter to predict daily events, mind reading fails because you can't mind read.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
There's a classic piece of advice, and I would give it to everybody. What someone else is thinking is none of your business. Such a relief, because if you resort to mind reading, you will always choose the wrong path because it's always the worst intention. It's like Jesse doesn't like me. It's like it's the person, you know, the most. Well, that's true. Yeah.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
The most miserable person is the person that constantly goes, are you mad at me? What did I do? Did I do something? What's wrong? It's like I wasn't even thinking about you. I was thinking about my dinner. So when you look at the most hysterical, miserable people on the left. The lonely, mentally unstable. They are assuming that they know everybody's faults. When Musk salutes, he's a Nazi.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
When Trump said find people, he's a racist. When Trump said bloodbath, he meant violence. There are thousands of examples of this and they're always wrong. Tim was incredibly patient with this. And all he kept saying to her is, I don't know what he was thinking. How would I know what he's thinking? That's how you deal with it.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
Can I just add to that? The problem with so-called male liberal podcasts, the voice. There's like there's no like it's still stuck in the beta NPR voice.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
Elon Musk getting out of Doge, announcing he'll be stepping back from political spending, but not before taking a shot at the weenies in the media who called him a Nazi.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
I have to say, I enjoyed the jacket he stole from Bob Crane in Hogan's Heroes. All I could see was Bob Crane, Colonel Hogan. Shannon, you know that. I do.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
Yeah, that's for sure. Don't you kind of agree with his analysis of the media? This is a guy that rescued astronauts, and they treated like he sent an Uber to pick up a babysitter.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
Hmm. Rosetta, he he had a pretty huge impact. I mean, just I think he's made it so that Doge is going to be something that everybody has to do. You know what I mean?
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
I don't know, man. I think that he's he is the company, Jesse. And like, let's be honest. I mean, he knew he was going to be going to be targeted, but he didn't expect his cars to be vandalized.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
Give this guy a break. In marriage, you set the bar low. Right. And then you exceed expectations. Exactly. But, Harold, you know a lot about robots being one yourself. I think Elon claimed that the Optimist robot as a product will be the largest product in the history of America by a factor of 10. What do you say to that, our resident robot?
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
Everybody looks down on me, Harold, because I'm, you know, short. Up next, a primetime investigation. Did Jesse lie on his Chicken Bears job application?
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
I love Gen Z. They're like the they're going to save this world because they're they are so not woke. So I want to tell them to do to avoid this one thing. Action verbs. How many times did you use formulated, identified, organized, implemented, oversaw, executed, achieved, spearheaded? Just say what you did. Also. Every resume I've looked at, the candidate always led the project.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
Did you ever notice that? No one ever, like, participated. They always led the project. I don't believe that. You want to get far enough in a career where you can put your resume on a cocktail napkin. The shorter, the better. You know, boom, boom, boom. People respect that. Did you ever fib on an application?
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
So it worked. You should always lie about your ethnicity. Yeah. No, I said I was black. Oh, good for you.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
And it's time now for one more thing. Let's begin with Greg. Oh, we got a great show tonight. We got Tom Shalhoub, Madison Allworth, Steve Byrne, Charles Payne. That's tonight. Let's do this. Greg gets sappy. So if you were watching last night, Jessica Tarloff, you know, broke the sad news that Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, one of the most popular cartoons of all time, has incurable cancer.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
And I don't want to get into the details, but you probably already know that in case it The announcement sent shockwaves all over social media, and you may not understand why. But if you watch this show and you're interested in the things that I say, you have to understand that a lot of what I learn and talk about comes from him.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
He's been a mentor of mine, and I wake up every morning and I listen to Coffee with Scott Adams, which you get on YouTube, and it has changed my life. It has changed millions of lives. People have quit drinking, quit drugs. They've gotten better jobs and promotions.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
You can find music that he's done with Akira the Don, which is on YouTube, which is hilarious, which takes all of his wisdom and puts it to music. If you're interested in finding out why people are so... So upset about this news. Check him out.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
I don't know. And I also, I don't want an apology. I want money. I want 10 percent. I want 10 percent of Jake's book. 10 percent for the little guy. Yeah, 10 percent. Very good. But you know what else I want? I want the town hall tape. Right. Let's release the town hall tape. Don't treat it like a Pamela Anderson sex tape where I got to spend days looking for it. Somebody's got it. I want it.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
And then maybe we'll discuss reparations. We need Biden reparations. Reparations that Greg likes. Exactly. Finally. I can't help but think that all this went to hell when Hunter quit doing crack. Things were great when he was on drugs and then he stopped. Everything just fell apart. The truth is the people actually running the country are guilty of identity theft every day for four years.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
These imposters took power that they weren't entitled to. You know, you're right. It's not about these guys. These guys weren't duped. Meanwhile, Biden wasn't even competent enough to sign away his power of attorney. You know, they preferred to keep it that way. It was like they liked him docile, like a drugged sex slave, so they could have their way with the American people. About Hunter Biden.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
Yeah, he's chief of staff, his staff. These journalists had a juicy story. Cocaine in the White House. While Hunter is there. How could you not pursue that story? You got drugs. You got power. You got intrigue. You got sex. And yet the reporters didn't stop to put down their lattes. Nothing to see here. Let's move on. Hunter. Yeah. Now you say Hunter is the nexus of power.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
And there was a cover up. You were there. You could have uncovered it. But no one and no one was stopping you from doing that story except you. And I think the big confession is this is about personal bias. And people are very, very embarrassed to admit their bias about Trump is what drove this story. And now I'm going to save you, Harold. I'm going to create your presidential campaign.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
I'm going to get you elected. The biggest scandal in Democrat history is this, but it's also the solution to one problem. What is the Democrat Party lacking? They're lacking a lane. They don't have issues. They don't have leaders, but they lack a lane.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
OK, so the one person, the one person, Harold Ford, who leads the fight to expose the secret 46, you know, the unelected coven that ran the country will be the candidate. And the reason why is you cannot trust any other candidate because you will never be sure if that person will be president. How can you trust the Democrat Party if they nominate anybody who doesn't come out against this?
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
Obviously, somebody got to them. And the Republicans can always say the same thing about the Democrat candidate. Who are you really getting? Are you sure that's going to be the president? But the Democrat right now who stands up and leads the fight to uncover the secret 46 will win back the Democrat Party's country, their trust, because you don't have any trust.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
You know, it's funny. What changed Marco Rubio? It's what makes a great cabinet member is a great boss. I mean, you should see my staff. Like it's like compared to Jesse. Jesse's staff is terrible because he's an absent kind of lethargic, lazy. But I would love to put my staff up against. I'm up. That's not what it sounds like. I'm in the office before my staff is.
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
You come in because you have no life. How dare you? But, you know, a great boss says, do the job and I'll have your back. And so you look at these guys like Rubio, RFK Jr., Cash Patel, Holman. Lee Zeldin, Hegseth, you wish you had one of those in your cabinet?
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
You got a murderer's row because you're working for somebody who is clear, cogent, and above all, a fighter who will hold your jacket when you're fighting as well and will jump in. This is why Biden's guys were envious. They're like, why can't I have somebody like that? Why couldn't I work for somebody like that? It's kind of like, who would you rather work for?
The Five
The Five 05-21-2025
The Oakland Raiders of the 1970s or the Washington Generals of any decade? You know, one team says, just win, baby. And the other one says, like, just show up. Do you remember how anemic Mayorkas was? How meek Mayor Pete was? How absolutely flaccid the entire cabinet was? They reflected the energy and the aimlessness of the guy up top. They were just showing up. It was a flaccid cabinet.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
It will never be flown. Would you fly a jet from Qatar? You got to take the whole thing apart. You have to take every single piece apart and look at it. We can't even build a plane. You think we can take it apart? It is a Boeing plane. You know what Greg is really saying to you? In your face.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
Shut up, Jesse. All right. Up next, Dems thought they could Febreze him away, but the stench of Biden lingers.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
And did he not even think it was strange that he should stay in the cabinet where he belongs? This is not actually about the Democrats. This is about the media. They are the rats in this story. They're like a member of the gang. In this case, it was the gang of the White House, the Democrat Party and the media.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
They're the member of the gang that is now narking on everybody else so they can get prosecutorial immunity so they don't go to jail. But the problem is, in this case, they're just trying to save their jobs. These books are coming out to protect them so they can start talking about, oh, listen to these shocking revelations. Biden will forget people's names. Is it? Dude, this is not shocking to us.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
We were talking about this, but they want you to buy into this is shocking. So you think that it was shocking to them? Like, yeah. Can you believe this stuff? No, no, no, no. We saw it. And so did you. You're lying. You're putting these books out to protect your hide. What did they lead with? The wheelchair story. That was supposed to be the big story.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
And why did they choose that as the big story? Because it was about the physical issue and not the mental issue. But we don't care if Joe Biden's in a wheelchair. Right. We don't care about that. That's not going to affect how he leads a country. The mental incapacity, the 25th Amendment stuff, that's what we cared about.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
That's what the media is worried about you finding out that they covered for that. The big question is, of course, if we are all on the same page about Joe's cognition, what does that say about his executive order? Since I don't know, you want to start with the I don't know what year you should start, but all the pardons should be negated. They should all be taken away.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
But this explains why the media did the expose now and not then, because they wanted this stuff to happen. Wasn't about Joe. It was about the whole Democratic piece that they were protecting. And now they could come out and go, hey, it's not us. It's not us. It's them. They're discussing. This is why the media is dead. DOA, it's over.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
You threw that picture up again of him with the celebrities. Biden? Yeah. Look how upset Morgan Freeman is.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
And the thing is, I mean, ideas are meant to reflect an idea. But what if the idea itself is toxic? Then the words become camouflage. That's why they don't say abortion. They say pro-choice because just the thought of it, of abortion, is so disgusting. You turn it into reproductive health care. Carville has a problem, though. He's cherry-picking the words pro-choice.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
When just like weeks ago, he was calling Trump supporters, Republicans, Nazis, that this was a return of the Third Reich. I don't know what's worse. This the the the deconstructionist rhetoric or his constant demonization. I don't think he had. I think he doesn't have anything to replace those words with. And it goes back to what, you know, Harold, you were meant to do.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
The problem the Democrats has is bottomless. There's no foundational principles anymore because when they looked at the things that Trump is for, they have to decide that they're against it. So if you're for law and order, you're against it. If you're for biology, you have to be against biology. If you're for security, the border, you have to be against that. What about fitness?
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
What about protein? You have to be against that too. What about technological progress? Everything that we now stake as good, they have to be the opposite. So they have nothing to build on. Their entire party is now on quicksand. What can they believe? In a woke crouch.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
This is crazy because I grew up with a car like that. It was my, like, 76 Cutlass Supreme. It would just die at the freaking stop sign, and I'd have to start it up again. And then all of a sudden I'm sitting in cars now, and I'm going, like, what's wrong with your car? And nobody could explain it. Like, what is this? Why is it doing it?
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
And then I go, like, aren't you going to need a new starter in, like, six months? I mean, it's like you're using the starter now ten times as much, and those things cost, like, $800. And they're made in China. Oh, God. Tell me about it. Harold loves China.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
It's time now for one more thing, Greg. Michael Loftus tonight. I should put up the thing. It's Gutfeld, Chael Sonnen, Tyrus, Emily Campagno. That's a great show. And remember, what did I miss? A new game show available now at Fox Nation. This is the final episode tonight. It's going to be great. Speaking of great, humans are great. Check this out.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
These were firefighters actually, like, pulled a little kitten out of a storm drain in Arizona. They heard the kitten's cries. There's the kitten. And they used a rope to hoist the kitten out. They named the kitten Riley after the firefighter who saved her and then ate the kitten as some ritual sacrifice for some evil Satan god.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
Not well. If they don't like this facility, there is a solution. They could take them into their homes. I mean, if you don't just pay lip service, do real service. You've got a sofa bed somewhere in your house. Take in one of these gangbangers or alleged rapists and murderers. Show them where your heart is. Hakeem. It's like I have to be honest here. I'm going to go purely superficial.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
He is the most unwell looking political leader out there. The guy looks like he hasn't slept since 1989. But the worst part is he has nothing to show for it. Like he's a great symbol for the Democrat Party. He looks tired. He's worn out. He's miserable, but he doesn't do anything. Now you compare that to Trump. or Vance, or Musk, or RFK, or Rubio.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
There's all this energy, yet they're rested and ready. They have a purpose. They've got foundational principles. They know what to do. And here, they're walking tall. The Democrats are the walking dead. And the reason is this. Trump is squatted in the house of common sense, and there's no room there for the Dems. They can't come home because they condemned what's in that house.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
They're like the college kid who renounces his capitalist parents and their heartless lifestyle. And so the parents cut him off. Where do you go? Where do you go? Well, you defend gangbangers. You defend trans athletes. You know, you martyr people who are criminals. Where the hell is Van Hollen? Did he go on tour? I mean, where is his wife beating bro?
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
Like, remember how that was over all over the media every day and we were forced to cover it. And we knew the guy was a scumbag and also the gangbanger. And yet, you know, they're gone. They disappeared. It's like it never happened.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
You know what the Dems' problem is? They're in a woke crouch. Show them the crouch, Cheryl. Show them the crouch. That's when you're right.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
It's the dawn of a new Middle East. President Trump in Qatar for day two of his Mideast diplomatic blitz, putting commerce over conflict as he cuts more economic deals and courts peace. Donald the Dove lifting sanctions on Syria and meeting with their new president, urging him to sign on to the Abraham Accords with Israel. He also signaled some wiggle room for a new Iran deal.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
47 also securing a historic $1.2 trillion economic commitment in Qatar and complimented them on the decor.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
And as Trump racks up trillions in deals from the Gulf states, all the Dems and media want to do is hound the press over a luxury jumbo jet offer from Qatar.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
It's kind of funny. It's a funny story, Kennedy, although it does give them something to talk about because everything in this trip is a win. It's just deliverables. Everything one after the other is a win, win, win. Here, you play with the little story about the plane.
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
You know, it's interesting, Dana. I was asked this question in the break. The other one, not that other one. He notices the camels and the marble. If they were to come here, what do you think they would notice?
The Five
The Five 05-14-2025
Hmm. Harold, it seems that this is kind of the way Trump always viewed this foreign policy, all commerce, no combat.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
We still talking about this? Yeah, Harvard. I'm worried about Harvard. I'm also worried about the price of Fabergé eggs, the future development of E.V. Bentleys. I worry about the Hamptons. Sometimes I'll wake up at night and go, my God, are the Hamptons in danger? What if people can no longer go to the Hamptons? Does that mean they'll go to Aspen? It's a city. I love the argument.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
You know, if he keeps at it with Harvard, some of these students are going to go to Oxford. You don't know what I went home immediately. I told my wife, do you know that while we're talking about. You know, Israel and we're talking about Russia. There are there's a possibility that some students will be going to Oxford instead of Harvard. I want this issue to be picked up by the Democrats.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
This should be a hill you should die on. Speak out for the oppressed at Harvard who almost almost might have to go to Oxford. God forbid. By the way. You're telling me if Harvard, you're not going to be able to find other families who will pay full price in America. Come on.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
CBS anchor Scott Pelley unloading his BS on 47 while giving a college commencement speech.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
Yeah, it seemed like a like an ego trip for him, Harold. You know, it's it's the thing that gets me is that these people choose to say these things on a one way street, like at award ceremonies and commencement addresses because they know that people can't talk back. It's not a conversation when you go up there and shout at people like we do.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
Sounds like a great opportunity for a nap. Kidding, Harold. I'm kidding. I was falling asleep as I was saying it. You know what I was thinking about? If somebody had started heckling him, would that person have been removed? And then you would have had the... Because, of course, they would. If somebody stood there and said, I disagree with you, that person would be taken out.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
Yeah, very good. You know, Jesse, if on the off chance you ever get asked to do a commencement address, would you ever would you ever inject politics? Absolutely.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
I mean, I do, but we got to go. All right. He added enough. He said enough. All right. McCrone explains the love shove.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
Oh, God. Greg, you have thoughts on this? This is going to be another one of those flat tire stories where you have to tell everybody you're kidding. I did not deflate her tires.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
All right, tonight we've got a great show. We've got Tom Shalhoub, Adam Hunter, and Emily Campagno. Let's do this. All right, let's roll this tape, shall we? You know, Springsteen's been on tour, and he had to take a break, so he's out at his farm in New Jersey just enjoying a watermelon. There he is, Springsteen, looking pretty tired from the nonstop touring. Yeah, he's getting up there in ages.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
Some say he should retire, but I don't know. I'm really interested in his political opinions.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
Yeah, they're rearranging the furniture when they really need just a complete demolition. Tear it down. Tear it all down. It's what Sam, speaking with American men, Sam should stand for shitting away money. Had to get that out of my way. All right, so the question is... Not like how and where you lost men. It's whether you're actually going to listen to the answer that is given to you.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
The party in its current state cannot listen to the answer. Because if you define the natural traits of men, the masculine traits is toxic. Whatever you hear from men is going to strengthen your distaste. You know, there's some basic traits all men have. Essentially, they're born with literally self-defense. They're built. They have more muscle, self-defense, security, meritocracy. We like to win.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
We like to be first. We like to compete. And then, of course, there's women, real women, not women that say they're women. These are the basic things that all men want. I'll throw in pizza. Yeah. But if you look at all of those things through the prism of oppression, you just give it up. Your party's dead.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
So let's say, you know, you enter, you anthropologically look at these men and he says, I really care about protecting myself and my family. And they might say, well, does that mean you're for the Second Amendment or gun control? How do you feel about boundaries? I mean, do you think borders are important? So that's oppressive. What about the desire to build, achieve, make money?
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
Well, capitalism is oppressive. How do you feel about DEI or equity? So that's oppressive. What about my desire for real women to raise a family? Do you not believe that men can have babies? You don't believe that? You don't believe women can have penises? That's a bit disnormative. So the Democrats have to expunge all this ideology.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
They need a wrecking ball because they're not going to listen to any of this stuff. And that is why they ended up with Tim Walz, who was basically just cosplaying as a male. He makes Don Knotts look like Lee Marvin. The other thing. So I want to... Jake Tapper was on some website. No, website. What do you call it? Podcast. He was talking about a teenage son. Plays video games, plays football.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
And he says, you know, the Democratic Party has no way to reach that person. And I'm like... How is that a problem? The problem is wanting a political party to reach your children. The problem is letting a political party invade certain parts of your life that they have no business being in.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
Whether we used to say, stay out of my bedroom, stay out of my house, stay out of my backyard, stay out of everything. What killed the Democrat Party was deciding that they could be in everything. And what they're deciding, what they're discovering late in the game is that men are apolitical. But if you come if you come at my family, I'm going to kill you.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
You know, if you stop me from trying to do a great job, I'm gone. You know, if you reduce women to men in drag, you know, we are so out of here. So they politicize the sexes. That was the last straw.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
Yeah, well, Sam's kind of in a downward spiral. Somehow he can see without evidence that Trump is genuinely evil. But what is really evil to Sam Harris is admitting that he is wrong. And this has been driving him crazy on COVID, on Trump, probably some other things. But how does this seemingly moral intelligentsia justify evil, whether it's totalitarianism or pedophilia?
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
They create in their heads an evil that they define as worse. They don't even need evidence for that. So they can justify the cover up of a non-functioning president because they will say, well, the alternative is worse. Trump, he's evil. I don't have proof. I just know it. His words, genuinely evil. That's something you would say about somebody you would murder. So it raises the obvious question.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
If you could justify a brain-dead president in the context of a greater artificial evil, is there a limit to the evil that you can justify on your side? If I say no over there, it's worse. There is no limit. The Democrats or Sam Harris. Sam Harris could protect a pedophile. In this framework, he famously said he didn't care if they found a dead body in Hunter Biden's basement.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
Didn't matter to him. So he set the bar to accept all evil. And I think this is it's it's it's a problem with ego. He cannot accept that he is wrong. This great I call it a greater evil hoax. It has allowed the Holocaust a great leap forward. You can go down to smaller things like the Manson family, Jonestown, Rwanda, all of these things.
The Five
The Five 05-27-2025
You can go to COVID lockdowns, punishment of COVID dissent, the post-Flood riots. All of these things happen because they say the alternative is way worse.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
Oh, Mary J. Lordy, there are excuses about seashells. Disgraced former FBI goofball James Comey is trying to shift blame from his shady 8647 post, one that sure looked like a veiled threat against President Trump. by blaming his wife. Isn't that sweet? And playing the old, aw shucks, I'm just a sweater wearing grandpa card. Give me a break.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
Greg, he is so full of hot toots. I'm choking on him all the way over here.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
Well, he's essentially a doctor, Jessica. So we're going to have to grant him that. I don't. The problem is I don't buy his excuse that it was innocent and they had no idea. And his wife thought it was someone's address. And he's like, well, no, it might be a political message. Like he's so clumsy and oafish. It's impossible for me to believe that any of this was an accident.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
Well, Joe Scarborough is in denial, and his words will come back to haunt him for as long as he is on the air, because he was the guy, and he's trying to kind of shellack it, gloss over it a little bit right now, give it a favorable finish, which...
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
It feels so orchestrated because he has a book coming out and he knows this is going to get attention.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
isn't going to do any good because when you go back and look at the original tape he's like this is the best joe biden and he keeps going back to analysis like his analysis is spot on he is sharp he is fast and it's like no he was a withering vegetable who had real problems and everyone around him knew it and now they're all going on and off the record to a number of different authors we've got four books and counting about biden's cognitive decline
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
Awkward egomaniac. Totally. You know, it's like his fibs are right up there with George Santos. And you know where he is. Well, up next, Bernie goes ballistic. The Krusty Kami is torching the Democrat Party. That'll be fun. That is next. I'm Alison Lundberg. No!
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
Superdelegates, man. Bernie said it in 2016. He was railroaded by the superdelegates. They were baked into the cake. These were people who could vote any way they wanted. And Debbie Wasserman Schultz said that the reason the Democrat Party was set up the way it was was to make sure people like Bernie Sanders could not make it through the process and become the nominee.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
So why did they change the rules and get rid of superdelegates in 2018? Because Bernie was still very much a threat. And then in 2020... Well, guess what? Joe Biden was the nominee. Yes, because Jim Clyburn endorsed him at a very critical moment before the South Carolina primary. But guess who's back in the Democrat Party? Superdelegates. And you know what?
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
Bernie Sanders used your party as long as it benefited him. And it made his name recognition massive. He was able to sell books. And now he's rich. And now the party doesn't mean anything to him anymore. He wants to be Mr. Authentic again, give AOC the mantle in his talking points. So he's burning the whole thing down because he's a commie.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
that tell the opposite picture of the magical interactions that Joe Scarborough and Joe Biden had, which, you know, all you had to do was look at Joe Biden every other second of the day to know that something was terribly wrong. The prostate cancer, the metastatic prostate cancer, that diagnosis is awful. And I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
They don't have them in France. Yeah. Great point, Greg. Buy me some peanuts and crackers. Okay, but no one has talked about this. The French paparazzi, they're not like regular paparazzi. They're French people. You know, it's like they've got odd mores. They kill Diana. And they smell like camembert. That's right. And they just want to touch you constantly.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
Like, I don't blame him because it was so overly familiar and aggressive. And, you know, it's like he probably had groped Mr. Washington earlier down the line, and I will not stand for that.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
You know, it's terribly sad and concerning that a family has to deal with something like that. But they have managed to politicize it. And you have to think logic would dictate that they've known about that diagnosis for a long time. It is incredibly inconvenient for his post-presidency because the other post-presidencies have been very lucrative in modern history.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
And he will not get to enjoy that. And so it feels like they kind of put that news in there. to because they were bookended by the her tapes and, of course, the book that came out today, Original Sin. And they both draw a very damning portrait. So there are people who say, you know, like Sonny Hostin, like we can't make this about politics. It's like if this were Trump, it would be impeachment.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
It would be like impeach him for what he did, you know, 75 years ago. Impeach him for everything. It would be a full nuclear holocaust. So you can't have it both ways. It's either completely political and everything is on the table or the entire thing was a lie and we have to move on completely from the Democrat establishment.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
Hey there, it's me, Kennedy. Make sure to check out my podcast, Kennedy Saves the World. It is five days a week, every week. Download and listen at foxnewspodcast.com or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
They have gotten addicted to protests. They've gotten addicted to drama. We all know that discussions like this that are so incredibly heated require adults who are going to employ some moderation. But LaMonica McIver knows that her name is not going to be mentioned anywhere if she sits down and has a conversation with Kristi Noem or Tom Homan in her office.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
And, you know, if you look at this and the body cam footage and there was a lot of video evidence here, it's very inconvenient for her because she is clearly not de-escalating the situation. And for these federal officers who have been trained to de-escalate, they've also been trained to read body language. And they know the intent of someone when they raise their forearm and elbows.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
All you have to do is listen to ludicrous Southern hospitality to know that when someone does this, they're about to drop bows on them. And that's a scary place to be if you're a federal officer, because you don't want to have to respond with force. But they have to move the conversation to this most dramatic point in order to get the one thing they crave so much, which actually fuels them.
The Five
The Five 05-20-2025
It's as though they've got solar panels on themselves. They need attention. They need chaos. They need drama. And none of that is helpful. None of that moves the conversation forward politically. And if they're really doing what they're supposed to be doing, then write laws in Congress, create a coalition and pass them if ICE needs to be reformed.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
And if you compare this again to the previous administration, that was lip service. This is real service. You know, Anything is possible with Trump. The Democrats never thought anything was possible. And I think I realized why. To them, winning the election is the job. For Trump, the job comes after the election.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
And I think that's when you when we're talking about Biden, they didn't care that he was barely alive because he already won.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
He's already a billionaire. There's none of these licensing deals have any bearing on him. And you want to talk about if you want to talk about Biden business deals and Trump business deals. One is transparent and one isn't. We know about the jet, the jet because he's not hiding it. We didn't know about the Burisma deal.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Well, Hunter is no longer an artist. What was that? That business is gone. I know what the Trump family business is.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
You know what really helps average Americans across the country? If their children don't have to get sent off to a place where there are wars raging in the Middle East. This president has unfinished business from the first term, which is making sure more countries come into the Abraham Accords. And he talked about this extensively in his speech.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
As you mentioned, Jesse, exporting technology, not terrorism, commerce, not chaos. People from all religions and creeds building cities together, not bombing each other out of existence. So he's bringing technology. Peace to the region by bringing business to the region. And you've seen this happening with the negotiations they had with Saudi Arabia.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
He talked about the UAE, how they're building up. He then contrasted that with Iran, who he explained has destroyed their economy because all they do is export terrorism. And he gave them a choice. So he's trying to bring more countries into this.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
He also said that he wanted Saudi Arabia to come into the Abraham Accords, which is really code for saying you need to normalize with Israel so you guys can share technology and we can all get along and fight your real enemies and not be trying to get inside these wars all the time. So that will help the region. It will help. families in that region.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
It will also help the American people and the entrepreneurial spirit we have to work with other countries around the world to export our technologies and to work together. So I thought it was really interesting.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
And if he's going to bring people into the fold through commerce and discussion, while also allowing them to have their own cultures and do their own thing, then I think that would be good for the country and for the world.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Well, the old guard is crushing the youth rebellion. David Hogg is in danger of losing his position as DNC vice chair after a panel voted to void the activist election to the position. Hogg isn't taking the news lightly.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
He fired off a statement saying there are too many leaders in the Democratic Party that are sleep at the wheel and added, quote, it is impossible to ignore the broader context of my work to help reform the party, which loomed large over this vote. The 25-year-old rabble-rouser recently went wild on 84-year-old Congressman James Clyburn for complaining about his quest to kick out the elderly.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
So, Marie, why is it that Democrats again are nullifying another election? Just one after the other, the party of democracy.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Dana, David Hogg gets in, but he is breaking the rules. The DNC has rules about not getting involved in primaries.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
No, he didn't. So his job is an unpaid volunteer, and it's sad when you're going to get fired for something like that. It's like being banned from a public park. Something I know about. You know, here's the thing. I'm going to be nice to this guy because I want to see if he really has balls. You know, he's seen how his party views men.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
And we've talked about it on this show many times at the party. Black men, Hispanic men, white men. They're all leaving because they realize this is they don't like to be somewhere where they're not wanted. And he aptly assessed this in Bill Maher when he said he was tired of being judged and criticized for everything. And that guys just want to have fun. Young people just want to have fun.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Well, come on over, Dave. The water is warm. It's like at a certain point, you know, you're going to have to, like, decide, like, if they don't really want you here, maybe it's time for you to go. The problem with this party. is that they eat each other alive. The identity politics just forces you in this power structure. And the first meal, the first breakfast, is the white guy.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
That's the first one to go. So he's going to be eaten alive. He's the one that they're going to kick out. So you might as well just leave. But don't bring your lefty politics with you.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
So, Jesse, should we bet on how long it takes David Hogg to go MAGA? Maybe he'll be wearing a red hat soon. They like dudes in MAGA. That's interesting.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
I think that Brett Hume would love to just retire, but they won't let him because our audience loves him. And so do I. All right. Head Sean Duffy is slamming Joe Biden and Pete Buttigieg for ignoring the warning signs at America's airports.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Joe Biden's creaky brain wasn't the only piece of aging infrastructure the Democrats were ignoring. Faulty air traffic control equipment causing chaos at Newark Airport, and Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy ripping into the previous administration for missing the warning signs.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
It used to be in real world. But that's another story, Katie. If you look at how much the previous administration had neglected like these major problems from the border to Biden, it's not a stretch to assume they blew off fixing, you know, our travel hubs.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Well, they had to make sure that they marked all the boxes for how you were able to hire people to fix these problems. So if you didn't check up all the right boxes, they couldn't hire you. You couldn't get started. This is a huge problem for Newark Airport. And this is just one of many, many airports around the country that could have these major problems.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
A lot of them have the same kind of software. And I learned the other day that we've only built three new airports since the 1950s. We've expanded other airports. As the United States of America, we've only built three. new airports, that seems like a big problem. There's also issues with union labor and costs that hold everything up. So they've got a big problem on their hands.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
And I hope that the people with the technology, Doge, Silicon Valley, folks can come in and get this fixed because people are freaked out and they say it's safe to fly. But when you say air traffic control is down, people are a bit scared given what we've seen the last six months.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Yeah, Marie, where did the one point two trillion go to fix those racist roads, those bigoted bridges?
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Might I use a sports analogy on you? Imagine an NFL team goes zero in 17 and it gets sold. Now, the new owners are required to turn the team around, but don't blame them for the previous team going 0-17. That's where this administration is. They're taking over a losing team. That's their job to fix it, but they've got a big project.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
At Newark, I've had some experiences. Yeah. It's pretty bad at Newark, at least.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
You know, Jessie, Sean Duffy, obviously a veteran of real world San Francisco. How does the experience from being on real world San Francisco translate into this job?
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Yes, I need some trauma leave after listening to you. That made no sense at all.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Hey, it's good for your immune system. I myself have swam in the Potomac. I didn't get Potomac. It's probably just as bad as this creek. And I have a friend named Corey and he ate a raw clam once from the bowels of the Potomac. He survived. So I think it's okay. It's all right.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
You know, we asked him to drain the swamp, not swim in it. But at least he has all his vaccinations. I love this guy. He's what we used to call in the old days an eccentric. You know, he's lived like 12 lives at once. You know, he doesn't drink anymore, but he didn't quit drinking. The alcohol quit him. It was like, I can't take this guy. He's too crazy.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
What's worse, having kids swimming in a creek or on an iPhone all day or an iPad? This is not as bad.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Yes, I will. Anyway, tonight we have a great show, and you know why? Sherrod Small's on. He hasn't been on. I haven't seen him in 12 years.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Never mind Brian Kilmeade, Tyrus, and Emily Capagno, but this is going to be very interesting. I hope Sherrod Small's on his best behavior. All right. Also, what did I miss? Available now on Fox Nation. Brent Hume says it's the best show on television. I'm Joel. What did I miss? I'm Joel Gregg. I thought of my good friend Juan Williams. Let's do this.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
A lot of people don't realize that Governor J.B. Pritzker loves to go swimming. You know, it's his form of fitness. There he is enjoying a lovely dive into the water at the Milwaukee Zoo. He looks like he fell asleep underwater. Governor Pritzker works so hard, you know, going up and down stairs. It just tires him out. Yeah, he's fat. We call him J.B. Back Ribs. Yeah.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
All right. If you're flying JetBlue anytime soon, you might want to bring your sweet tooth because America's not just running on Dunkin', it's flying it now, too. JetBlue just rolled out a new plane with a full Dunkin' makeover, bright pink, orange, and coffee-themed. Of course, nothing says high altitude like a caffeine high. No word yet if they're handing out Boston Donuts.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Yeah. You know what I mean? That matters at this point. I love that they thought that he needed a wheelchair if he won. Apparently he wouldn't need one if he didn't win. No, they just didn't care. They didn't care about his health at all. They just worried about the optics that he would need a wheelchair if he won. I am tired of these books. They should have watched the five.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
They should have watched Fox. We were doing the reporting in real time. Not right now. The books are now just an admission of guilt. The Dems can never bring up the 25th Amendment ever again. Even if Trump's brain is in a vat in the Oval Office running the country, we're going to say, oh, no, no, no. He's sharp as a tack. But there's this other thing about the media's excuse, which is killing me.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
The White House was lying to us. Well, duh. That's to be expected. It's called spin. Your job is to assume that they're not telling you the truth. You're a journalist. You just don't go, oh, they say Joe's fine. Nothing to see here. I mean, you should offer a little bit more resistance, you know, than Facebook asking if you're 18. You know, that's how bad it is. So it's not about the media.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
It's not about Joe's condition. At all. Nobody cares at this point. It's the media's condition. There are two diagnoses. One, you're the dumbest, most incompetent generation of journalists ever on the planet. Or two, you deliberately covered up Joe's dramatic decline because you're biased. That is all you have. There's no there's no in between.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
I would say if I were them, I would come clean and go, you know what? We knew Biden was a mess. It was obvious. But as Democrats, we preferred him over this existential threat known as Donald Trump. And they had called him Hitler, which meant. Anytime they criticized Biden, they would get grief for helping Hitler.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
So they couldn't actually be honest or else that would be seen as somehow doing something horrible. But the media, Biden's still alive. The media is dead. You know, put a tag on their toe, call Quincy, shove the body in a fridge because the corpse, it's starting to reek.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Do you know this is one of those points where George Clooney or a celebrity could actually say, do you know who I am?
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Okay, they are still so afraid of just speaking the truth about what happened that they're not willing to come out on the record on this when everybody could see what was going on. Nobody was courageous. George Clooney wasn't courageous. Barack Obama wasn't courageous. Nancy Pelosi wasn't courageous. Democrats had a choice. They could have had a primary.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
And instead of having a primary, they were running around suing RFK Jr. and Dean Phillips, trying to keep them off of ballots.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
So they lost the opportunity on two primaries on the front end and on the back end. They lost to so much for democracy. They were all fine with this because they wanted Joe Biden to stay in office because he was an empty vessel. They were allowed to push through whatever they wanted. We still have no answers about who is actually making these decisions.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
We don't even have a lot of information still on the day that he dropped out and posted his resignation letter for the campaign on Twitter. We don't have very much information about that. So this is about a lack of trust. And for Jake Tapper to come out now and say, oh, well, the White House was lying. Well, so were you. And CNN covered a presidential election.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
And you don't think that it was pertinent to the American people and important for them to know about all of these details. And now all of a sudden that these anonymous sources and people are willing to talk about it, they want to pat on the back for saying what was obvious. We have more details now, but this was happening.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
And for now them to say the doctor was recommending there may need to be a wheelchair for the second term. Let's not forget they never made the White House doctor available for questioning, not a single time. Do you think there will be a congressional hearing?
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Yes, I was a little worried about that because he also has the mobile McDonald's. Yes. So it makes you wonder what meat they're using. They never rolled out the red carpet for Joe Biden because they were worried about the cleaning bill. But, you know, it's interesting. So he has this mobile McDonald's following him.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
It's just like a regular McDonald's, except the Hamburglar is missing a hand for stealing.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
They do that there. I think you're right. You know, this is a great week. It's only Tuesday because it says a lot about the mindset. With Trump, it feels like almost anything is possible because he's a doer. He's not a talker. He's a man of action. He's got aspirational designs for the country. He wants to be the greatest president ever. And that directly benefits us.
The Five
The Five 05-13-2025
Even if it's for his own ego, it doesn't matter. They align properly with our needs. He's America's lawyer, America's agent. He's in the room on our behalf. Doesn't seem like an existential risk to me, Marie, but maybe you see it differently. And he doesn't care what the world thinks. That's a liberal thing. Successful people do not care what other people think or else they'd never be successful.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
the five hi i'm greg gutfeld along with ebony campagno jessica tarloff jesse waters and she wants to be buried in a hot dog bun dana perino the five this is the chainsaw for bureaucracy what do you think of my hat
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
I think that this is a hill to die on, not homelessness, not the debt, not drug addiction, that some Dubai prince's son may be forced to live in a mansion in London instead of a 5,000-square-foot loft in Tribeca. That's what I want to hear about. The White House, I love this, wants to review social media of foreign students to check for anti-American sentiment or subversion.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
This is good because we learned that this is the only chance you'll be able to really check it. Because once they get in, Democrats fight like hell to get them out. Once somebody is here preaching terror or death to Jews, we can't do anything about it. So this is the only time you can be a bouncer. And it makes sense.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Like if when a company like Fox is hiring, you know, you look at their social media. If it says death to Fox, you don't hire. If they say death to Jesse Waters, you do. But it's like, Jessica, it's like hiring a nanny. You know, you'd be happy that you caught the candidates, you know, saying I hate children on their X, you know, on their X platform. Right.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
So, Jessica, we know that if the debt is not addressed within the next few years, we will probably face an economic collapse. Some will call it an economic heart attack. We'll have a weak dollar, hyperinflation, rising interest rates. And yet it was sobering to watch the Democrats root against Musk and Doge when they know that if he fails, there will be economic collapse.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
So I ask you, what is a Democrat solution for this coming crisis? If you if you weren't fine with Doge or Elon Musk, what is your solution, young lady, if I may call you that?
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
That's a great question, Dana. I've been waiting for that all day. I think I have a new name for the Democrats. I call them the unelectables who ran the White House. The unelectables who tried to block deportation. The unelectables who tried to stop Trump's economic policy. The unelectables. Have you noticed that absence of ideas, argument or even thoughtful debate? They rely on lawsuits.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
They realize they can't win elections. In the world of ideas or in the common sense terrain of public opinion. So they replace arguments with injunctions, injunctions, Jessica. Maybe this is the new Democratic Party, just people in robes whose sole purpose is to deny the will of the people.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Because wherever there is the will of the people on issues like crime or the border or trans, the Dems are like that kid that's picked last at dodgeball. No one wants, they can't even trust him to ride the bench, which is where they now reside.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
You know what I love most about this story? Their equity plan was delayed a year. What's it say when the plan is held back? Because, you know, they flunked it, Jesse. You know, if this stuff is so good, this is what I get. Why do they always try to sneak it past parents? Have you noticed that like policies in schools and a lot of progressive policies are always done behind people's backs?
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Parents, especially the gender crap. We can't. We can't tell the parents if the kid decides he wants to go from a he to a she. This stuff is designed for lazy teachers. You don't have to grade papers. You don't have to do real exams. You don't even have to take attendance. Gives you more time to hit on the students.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
You know, it's interesting to see what happens to a liberal agenda when it when it's faced with sunlight. That's why they had to turn around transparency. Showed up and the convoluted rhetoric then went away because they had to explain themselves. It was all based on how. how equality and equity sounds alike. They just assumed they could switch one for the other.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
They're wrong for that. But I'm asking you, what was wrong with what he did?
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
But equality says we all start in the same place. And equity says we all finish in the same place, which is impossible with individuals because that means you must crush them from above. You know what it is? Equity is a trans word. It passes as equality.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Well, there is a hack. You can take a rubber band and you get tied around your wrist and your hand will go numb. It really helped when I got stood up at the prom. But, you know, if you would tickle yourself, you'd never do anything. We're in love with the feeling of novelty. But this story will save journalism. There's no bias. There's no narrative. There's no incentive to lie.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
These are the stories that journalists have to do. You can't do any left wing or right wing. You can't demonize the tickler or the tickled.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
When you're... Terrible story. Oh, time now for one more thing. I go first. Great show tonight. Kevin O'Leary, the return of Dean Cain. I hope he wears his underpants over his pants. Kimberly Campagno. Yuck. And Tyrus. Let's do this. I'm going to play the sound. Play the sound. And then you go. I'll go around the horn. Play it.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Moose children. Young moose. The moose children. Young moose. Oh, yeah. They used to live on my block. Johnny Moose.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Yeah, the parents are terrible. The moose family. Moose children, Jessica. This is great.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Interesting. I'm going with wolf. Elk. Elk. The answer is... Moose children. Those are wolves, tundra wolves. That's a subspecies of gray wolf.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
So it was just not the right way. The process was wrong. But they were 100 percent behind it, guys. What say you, Jesse?
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
And while he was doing that, he rescued astronauts that they then mocked while they praised Katy Perry.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
The Doge daddy is gone and done. Elon Musk announcing his departure from D.C. and thanking President Trump with an announcement on X where he said, quote, the Doge mission will only strengthen over time as it becomes a way of life throughout the government.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Chicken, you say? Chicken. So, Emily. Now that Jesse has paused, what do you think about the fact that he left when he said he would, which you never see with politicians? He doesn't linger like one of Swalwell's farts in an elevator. He said, I did my job. I made this a way of life. See you later.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Musk saving over one hundred and seventy five billion dollars since the start of Trump's term and is getting honest about seeing that mission continue.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Dana, I do find it... I think the thing that bugs me the most about it is he was doing something that was widely popular among the American public and still is. And yet the Democrats and the media attacked him for it. It's like you talk about public service. He's not a politician. He didn't have to do this. Right.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
Must learning a few lessons from his time in the swamp. He told The Washington Post, quote, the federal bureaucracy situation is much worse than I realized. The billionaire also lamenting how Doge became D.C. 's whipping boy after the left turned on him and started torching Tesla's. But now the Dems are left without their favorite scapegoat.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
I'm young lady, too? Yes, I'm in a good mood. I'd call Jesse a young lady, but... That'd be true. Yes. Up next, President Trump ramps up his war on foreign radicals.
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
It could be, but I want to talk about Harvard first. I have mixed feelings about this topic. On one hand, I don't care. On the other hand, I love watching Democrats care. It's fun to see them get wound up over Harvard's plight. You know, talk about a party of the people. You know what?
The Five
The Five 05-29-2025
While you're at it, the Dems should come out on behalf of like high end pet care and infinity pools, maybe home theaters. It fits. This is the party that will fly private to a climate change event or will put their kids in private academies while they campaign against school choice. I love that there are students that may be transferring out right now of Harvard and might go to Oxford.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
And in a way, Hollywood, too. You could say Taylor Swift is a huge talent, but she has no credibility. Bruce Springsteen, no credibility. Robert De Niro, no credibility. They all lost their credibility.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
You know, can we talk about that guy's hair? Which guy? The guy that was just talking. It looked nice. I have an issue. I have an issue with people who clearly spend too much time creating an ostentatious display of a body part. It's like a woman who gets huge breast implants. He's doing that with his hair. Is somebody going to tell him when his hair is too big? Should he get a hair reduction?
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
Get a hair reduction. No one's going to tell him that because it's very self-conscious. You may quibble or disagree strongly with some of Trump's policies, but not the whole package. This is such a rare thing for Republicans to have street credibility. It's probably never happened. There's nothing Trump is doing that isn't real, isn't transparent, isn't in your face.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
We saw that South African presser man. He wanted stuff done. So we did it right then and there. I think that's what the Gen Z loves him. And even his detractors realize that like his grittiness and his energy is undeniable. And it and Harold's right. It doesn't exist on the other side. It's like you're comparing Mike Tyson to Chris Hayes. So I go back to the previous block with Trump.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
You know what you're getting. It's not covering up anything, you know, and the detractors should detract a little less because unlike the Dems, Trump is treating you with respect. He's telling you exactly what he thinks. He's not covering up anything. You know, if you ask him something, he's going to tell you what you want to know and then more to a point where you just want him to shut up.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
But that's a compliment. He's telling you, I assume that you can handle the truth. But the Dems, they don't feel that way about their own constituents. They don't tell them the truth. They lied about a candidate for four years. They put a terrible candidate ahead to replace him because they couldn't tell their constituents the truth because they didn't have enough respect for him.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
R.K. Jr. and the Maha Commission releasing a report on how ultra-processed foods, toxins, and a lack of physical activity are contributing to a rise in chronic illnesses, particularly among brats. It also takes aim at Big Pharma for over-prescribing meds. They have 80 days to figure out how the federal government should respond. Bobby lays it all out.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
Harry, we were talking about this in the break, and we were talking about this exact thing. It is kind of crazy. This is another example. The job that RFK Jr. thought he was probably going to do under Obama... He's doing under Trump. What does this tell you? We were discussing this in the break. Do you remember?
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
You're welcome. That's all I have. We're talking about nutrition and over medication. What do you think?
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
You have a pantry? That must be nice. It seems like just an extra room. Move out of the city. You can have one, too. I would turn it into something else, a pantry, a room for your food. How rich are you?
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
Kayleigh, I had a good question for you. Oh, I want to go back. Michelle Obama, do you remember she had her own crusade, which we kind of made fun of, I think. But we were right because she came up with ridiculous options for food. But at least she was trying.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
Jesse, do you have a pantry? I do. It's getting renovated right now. You're renovating your pantry.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
I care, too. Whenever I see strangers with candy, I always tell them, is that sugar? Can't you offer vegetables? Pass this up next.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
You know when I get bored? You always know when I get bored. It's on the show. Jesse does the same thing. Jesse, you and I do share the same quality. When we feel understimulated, we take a risk.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
It's like it's like sitting there and all of a sudden you'll just say something that you that is right up to because you need what you're trying to do is you're trying to create some discomfort that gets your body going. So like when I'm when I'm restless and I'm sitting here, there's a chance that I'm going to do something really, really, really, you know, like on Friday. Yes. Yes.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
I've actually got one of the thongs on right now. Snug. Tonight. Proud American thong. Proud American thong. The thong remains the fame. Joe Mackey, Andrew Gruel, Jim Florentine, Kaylee McEnany.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
Imagine sitting in your condo and some zebra walks in, has an itch, and uses your sliding door to scratch. Oh, that must have felt good. You know, that is just amazing. Yeah. You know where this was? South Africa. You got that right. See black and white together. A zebra.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
As much as I adore Harold, I must disagree completely. Imagine if this were reversed. You can't. Because there are no large groups of young people taking over colleges on behalf of some militant white nationalist movement. Hatred like this isn't bipartisan. So how do you explain this when what you're shouting for leads to the result that you're shouting for?
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
And when a Jewish student goes to school and sees these mobs, do they have to be satisfied with the reassurance that it's just words? What's your problem? No one's bothering you. This school year ain't going to be ain't going to be easy for them.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
In a perfect world, this act would be a wake up call for the naive romantic activist who adopted the cause because climate change imploded and BLM went bankrupt. This violence is exactly what Hamas wants, and they appreciate your support. You know, all the rhetoric aligns. Your hobby is their mission.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
If you don't see that now, I mean, if you're a young female activist at Brown on her daddy's dime, this isn't college theater, something that you do for fun until you get that internship at the law firm. This is a hobby that has deadly consequences. Two people died because you feel really good, you know, walking down Fifth Avenue or blocking the Brooklyn Bridge. Wasn't that great?
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
When you hear the word genocide, you can argue whether it's correct or not. That's not the point. It's who benefits from the genocide narrative. It's not Israel. It's Hamas. The idea that Israel is like, hey, hooray, let's go genocide everyone. That's idiotic. That's the worst thing for their country, their brand and their relationship to the West.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
This is why we're always talking to them about peace. The genocidal accusation directly benefits Hamas, which is why they have been obviously exaggerating the numbers, which they still do today. Or they place offensive weaponry, terror cells and hostages among citizens to drive up the numbers because the more Palestinians die, the better it is for them. That's their only way of keeping power.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
The only way to maintain power right now is to propagandize the globe and to create fear through carnage like that. So you got to wonder, well, if we actually acquiesce, say we're no longer supporting Israel, do you think this extremism would stop? Hell no. They make it about something else about the West because that's how it always is. So this problem will be here forever.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
Well, I am with Sally Quinn. I think Dr. Jill should lose her medical license. No more practicing medicine, Dr. Jill, whatever that was. Look, I have one question to Sally Quinn. Where have you been? You're so brave speaking truth to power now that the power is out of power. She didn't start talking about this stuff till after the debate. Where was this lady?
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
She should have been sharing the risk with the few and rare journalists who did speak up when it mattered. I mean, did she ever say, God bless that son of a bitch, Peter Doocy? No, no. You know, she should be asking about the cowards of legacy media. Maybe she's too close to them. The new defense. And I love this. You can see this on the left. This is no scandal.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
No one was hiding his cognitive problems. We all saw it. So now they're gaslighting their gaslighting this. But they don't understand the story isn't that we didn't see it. It's that you saw it and you denied it. You knew it was there. You refused to cover it. So shut up. The Dems are like a used car lot that has a reputation for selling lemons.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
You know, they sold us two big lemons recently, you know, Kamala and Biden. So what do you do when your reputation is ruined? You know, you shut down and reopen under a new name. Value Jet, you know, became Air Trans. Lance Armstrong became Livestrong. Remember that? Philip Morris became Altria. GMAC became Ally Financial. Weight Watchers is now WW.
The Five
The Five 05-22-2025
So either the Dems got to come clean or they got to shut down and find a new name. Because the only way I said this to Howard yesterday, the only way for the Dems in the media can regain trust. is to turn on the establishment like Trump did and create their own lane. One person to only takes one candidate because that's the only lane for the survival of the Democrat Party.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
That never mattered before. They kind of worked together and they were immune from criticism. They could say whatever they wanted. It was fine. For some reason, it's no longer working. They're getting very desperate. The Democrats are not buying it from that guy. They're not going to. They know they've run out of impeachment chips. They're done.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
And to use that same analogy, the media bet put all their chips on black, which was the Biden cover up, and they lost. So there's none of this stuff is actually working. And they keep going further and further to this irrational edge where at some point, because the earth is flat, they're going to fall off.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
You know, this is bigger than Watergate. Yeah, it is. This makes Watergate look like a parking ticket. We don't need to move forward. We have to move backwards. There was this other tidbit. Cabinet members believe the president could not be relied on to respond to a crisis at night. That means when Biden was president, he was pure 25th Amendment president. material. How do we know this?
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
We found out on May 15th, 2025, a year or two, maybe longer after the fact. So this book isn't telling on Joe. Joe's pathetic and sad. It's telling on itself. You know, when does information become so urgent that you don't save it for your stupid book? If this were Trump, if any of this information were about Trump, they
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
While this was happening, Trump wasn't even president, and they were saying he was an existential risk. He was a threat to democracy. While they were saying Trump was a threat to democracy, they had an incapacitated president that they were covering up for. It's insane. This story...
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
is so big that I believe the books are designed to kind of let the air out of it and just, like, let's get past this. We can't let them do this. We can't. This is a huge deal. We were lied to. Look, did you hear about, like, they were doing fake cocktail parties for Kamala Harris? And get this. Because they were worried that she couldn't handle a cocktail party because she drank.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
We talked about her being drunk all the time. They were doing these dry runs because they thought she was an alcoholic.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
Democrats having a meltdown in Congress. Fresh off his sewage swim, HHS Secretary RFK Jr. was back in the swamp battling purple haired clowns on the hill and a socialist ice cream man.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
Well, then so has your legitimacy. Oh, wow. The lady with the purple hair, Dana. Yeah. She reminds me of one of the evil villains in Scooby-Doo. Do you remember the cartoon? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
Yeah, Jesse, they should come up with a new flavor. Marble fudge meltdown. You know what I'm saying?
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
Yeah, Kellyanne, you mentioned this before. They just seem, they're all miserable. Whose side do you want to be on? The happy people or the weirdos?
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
You know how they could come up with it? They'd have to take a sample of Harold's blood and put it in.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
You're the only sensible Democrat left, Harold. There are a few more. Yeah, but they're not talking. That's for sure. All right. What am I saying? Coming up, Starbucks baristas roast their dress code.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
Thanks, Trump. All right. Tonight, we've got a great show. Joe DeVito, Katie Pavlich, Emily Campagno, Tyrus. That's tonight at 10. Let's do this. When I want to see fashion, I go to the Metro Richmond Zoo, because that's where the Metro sexuals hang out. Check out this model. His name's Patrick. He's 34. He's an orangutan.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
They gave him a cloak for his birthday, and he wrapped it around himself, but he tied it in a perfect knot. Even Hillary Clinton was like, wow, you tie a good knot. Can you meet me at a local prison? I need to hang somebody.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
Yeah. It's interesting. Why does the world respond to Trump in a way that confuses Western media? It's because the world wants what he has and the media doesn't. They understand aspirational goals. Like you said to them, Trump is a possibility machine. If you're going to meet him, you better meet him because you never know what you might get out of him.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
But there was no sense of hope with the Democrats. Not when your hood ornament was a decomposing bureaucrat. What what were you going to get out of that? I'm old enough to remember when the media was telling us Trump was a global terrorist. Laughing stock might have been a few weeks ago, I think. Now they're giving him jets before they were giving Joe Biden transfusions.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
Doesn't seem that people are treating him like a laughing stock. They're legitimately excited. They are alive around Trump. So it's another one of the media lies. We're sick of talking about the media's lies. But you've got to ask, is the media sick of their constant losing? Their framework, their framing, which they use to perceive reality, keeps leading them to defeat.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
Every day they think something's going to happen and it doesn't happen. TDS is a lousy filter to perceive life. The election, trade, immigration, the Maryland man. You know, every single issue, the Dems are ritually humiliated. And it's because of their filter. For Trump, doing big things is easy because we aren't stuck reinventing basic principles. You know, he says, let's work on a peace deal.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
Let's get rich. It's not let's push trans awareness in Malaysia. You want a laughingstock? You know, the world's greatest country was going around the world questioning biology. These countries don't have the luxury or the time for that. They want peace and prosperity, not drag queen story hour. We were the laughingstock under Biden. And now it's all back to normal. They understand winning.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
So my advice to Dems is if you see somebody winning a lot. You've got to ask yourself, what does that person have that you don't have? That's how you learn. You run into people your entire life and you wonder, man, they got it figured out. It's one thing you look at Trump. He's got it figured out. They see it. We see it. Those are the people that should guide you.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
The problem with the Dems is they're just delusional assessment of Trump. Can't explain his success. And they also can't predict it. So they pin their hopes every morning waking up that he's going to fail. And every morning they're disappointed and they get more miserable and they get more desperate. I don't see any hope for that.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
Greg, happy TDS Thursday. Why, thank you. You're welcome. Did you get me anything? Not yet. All right. I only like ointments. Again... Trump is annexed the territory of common sense and you have the Dems outside looking in and they're convinced that it's just better to keep moving left than it is to just come join the fun, join the party because they hate Trump so much.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
And they're getting it by doing that. As you see with Springsteen, who is a pussy for doing that in another country and not doing it in America? He is a... I already said it. Yes. Yes. The View, I watch it so you don't, actually criticized Trump's plan to slash drug prices. We knew that would happen, that no matter what Trump does that's good, they're going to say it's evil.
The Five
The Five 05-15-2025
So what was their reasoning? He didn't say specifically what drugs would be reduced, and then he called them fat. Could you imagine a host making fun of somebody's weight like that? Just absolutely disgusting what pigs they are. But, you know, the standard criticism of the Democrats, the left and the media together, one big glump is that they're out of ideas or in denial. They're dishonest.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
That's such a Jesse Waters childhood. I had to mow my dad's croquet porch. And then we had iced tea on the veranda. And Ashley came over. What about you?
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
You know, I'll help you out there. Thank you. Because I've got some orphans back home. Uh, what is, I don't, I don't really, I guess it's just the time before the show. Just kind of wait 20 minutes. Yeah. Just kind of waiting around. I think it's like if you played sports before a game, you have that weird nervous energy. Like it could all go bad. This could be the worst.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
No, I just allow that to happen. I just goes it comes and it goes. You know, I just wanted to start, you know, start or stop.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Here's Gene. Hello, America. I'm hosting my first ever game show on purpose. It's called What Did I Miss? We took four contestants and isolated them for 90 days. No phones, no TVs, no clue. Now we get to make them answer questions for money. Sean Hannity's money, maybe.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
What do you guys think? Quite possibly the strangest game show ever created.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
You know, these guys are talking about 2024. The mistake was 2020. The biggest mistake the Dems ever made was run that guy, picking him and letting him letting himself expose the the shallow and useless nature of their party. He will go down as the worst president in history. No question. The party was already a mess, but they picked the worst possible person to front it.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
It's like Mattel making Casey Anthony, their CEO, a disaster. And I think we're letting the media off too lightly right now. They're saying and you can hear it with those guys. Hey, it was the White House who kept us from knowing Joe was a mess as if journalists were under house arrest.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
They didn't care about his health at all. They just worried about the optics that he would need a wheelchair if he won. I am tired of these books. They should have watched The Five. They should have watched Fox. We were doing the reporting in real time. Not right now. The books are now just an admission of guilt. The Dems can never bring up the 25th Amendment ever again.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Even if Trump's brain is in a vat in the Oval Office running the country, we're going to say, oh, no, no, no. He's sharp as a tack. But there's this other thing about the media's excuse, which is killing me. The White House was lying to us. Well, duh. That's to be expected. It's called spin. Your job is to assume that they're not telling you the truth. You're a journalist.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
You just don't go around. Oh, they say Joe's fine. Nothing to see here. I mean, you should offer a little bit more resistance, you know, than Facebook asking if you're 18. You know, that's how bad it is. So it's not about the media. It's not about Joe's condition at all. Nobody cares at this point. It's the media's condition. There are two diagnosis.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
One, you're the dumbest, most incompetent generation of journalists ever on the planet. Or two, you deliberately covered up Joe's dramatic decline because you're biased.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Never got paddled again. Kennedy, what about you? You were a precocious child.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
The timing is telling you that this cancer is being used as a tool to deflect from outrage to sympathy. But get this, normal human beings, we can have both. We can feel sad for somebody who has cancer. Like Harold said, we all know people intimately who are who have cancer, who are dying from cancer and who will die of cancer.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
So we could feel sad, but that's not going to infringe on the space in my brain that is reserved and dedicated to this cover up of his incapacitation. So you're not going to get a mute or a pause for me. But nice try. The cut this, you know, this we're talking about, like, how could this happen? We've always been saying about all of these problems in the last eight years, how did this happen?
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
How did this happen? How did this happen? I say eight years because this has been going on before Biden was president. The neglect is on purpose. You know, we, for example, just focus on Joe Biden, the elder abuse line that we kept hearing. Why did it continue? Because Joe was docile and fragile and offering no resistance to any part of the progressive agenda.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Joe's dysfunction may have been caused not by disability, but by debility, meaning he was worn down on purpose, deliberately kept feeble and weak, which made him pliable like a POW, except the W stands for White House. Joe's dysfunction was. was not prevented when it could have been because it kept him easily managed. He was always tired. He probably didn't want to answer questions or sign things.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
So we've seen a series of colossal blunders and deliberate cover-ups. All are ethically indefensible.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
all so famous so talented so powerful i mean you could really do anything i mean except tell the country who to vote for but it's okay you'll you'll get them next time it's a good point harold it was like it was like a meeting of losers who needed a group hug because no one takes their politics seriously and they learned that i mean if clooney can't persuade you you know how can
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Dana, I didn't think the joke, I thought the jokes were well written, but I didn't think they were that edgy. I think she made sure that they were, they were making, she was making fun of a structure as opposed to a person. I like going after the people.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Yeah. I mean, I always say welcome to the club. You could always start sooner. But they act like they had bosses telling them what not to say. You're comedians. You don't have a boss. There's no policing of your language unless you were policing it yourself because you were scared.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
And that's kind of sad because I know I know a lot of comedians who didn't wait until now to make jokes about the administration or about about trans delusions or anything. People might show they didn't just lose work. They lost friends. Gaffigan knows a few of them and what they're and what Gaffigan and what's her name? What they're saying is true, but it was true for everyone.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
I don't think I've ever was grounded. I got suspended and expelled from school, but never like that. My parents never did anything. What did you get expelled for? It's a long story, but I was able to come back to school. Me too. Yeah. It was amazing. You know, when they couldn't find the victim, the charges were dropped.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Oh, I miss this. Take a look at Harry or Harold, the skunk at Woodland Park Zoo, getting his annual checkup and wellness exam. He has a little stump to hang out on. I think they checked everything. And you know what, Harold? So should you, because you're our skunk.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
It had to do with firecrackers in the classroom and then threatening a teacher.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Yes. Yes, long story. Roseanne asks, if you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? This is so easy. Kennedy, what would you eat? I know that you're gluten intolerant.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Can't make fun of your OMTs. In your face, Harold. So mean to Harold today. Check out this little fella, huh? Not that fella. This fella. That is Harold the rhino iguana. There's actually a rhino iguana. Look at that. He's even healthier than Harold. Looks a lot like Liz Cheney. Enjoying a big bowl of greens at the National Reptile Zoo because she's also a rhino.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
And he prefers to eat leaves, flowers, berries, and fruits. Again, like Liz Cheney.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Let's check out this bonobo. Is that how you say it? Mom playing airplane with its daughter, Daisy. I picked it because the producers didn't really notice how disgustingly graphic this picture is. They said, oh, they pitched this to me. I said, yeah, sure, I'll take that. I didn't bother to point out that we're looking at the anus of a monkey.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Gus's Daily Diary. This is from today, actually, from my dog walker. Great, great walk. Look at him sleeping. Great walk. He made a new friend named Pop-Tart and did a very good job, meaning he pooped, and only had to be separated when he made an ungentlemanly pass at her. The owner was very good-humored. He did all his business.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
So this is the last question of our Memorial Day special, and it's a very simple one from rpbutler13. Oh, I guess there were 12 rpbutlers before him. Chicken or hamburger at a summer barbecue? Well, Kennedy, you have the diet issues. Why don't we go to you first?
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
I like a good burger. Real flat one with an uncooked bun. The cheese not even melted. You just shove it in your face. And then you punch some kid. Get out of my way, kid. I'm eating a burger. All right. That's it for us in this Memorial Day. We'll see you back here tomorrow. Have a great night.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
I hate shrimp, but I used to have shrimp as a child, but I got out of it. I had a shrimp cocktail because I like the taste of the sauce. Yes, it was really good. Shrimp cocktail. Speaking of shrimp cocktail, you're quite a shrimp cocktail.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Honoring and saluting our military heroes who made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. We have a huge show ahead, so let's kick it off with your fan mail questions. Isn't that exciting? Yeah, so good to be here. All right, first question from Connie C. What was the biggest punishment you received as a kid? Dana, you were a terrible child, I would assume.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
I would say pizza because you can do anything with a pizza. So if you feel like having a meat or vegetables, any kind of pizza will do. I think I won that round.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
What is the best book you ever read? This is from Nina. Harold, why don't you go first and say the Bible?
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
I'm going to I'm definitely going to read that last year. Get it? Kennedy?
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
I don't know. My favorite book I always talked about was Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. And then I read it again and I'm going like, maybe it wasn't as great as I remember it. But I don't know. But I guess I should just say Blood Meridian. It's a good one. It's a good book. All right. This is from Dorothy. Dorothy T. What is one food you refuse to eat? I guess I should go to you, Jesse.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Hi, I'm Greg Gutfeld, along with Kennedy, Harold Ford Jr., Jesse Waters, and she loves picnics because it's a chance to ride the ants. Dana Perino, this is a special edition of The Fop. It's Memorial Day, the unofficial kickoff to summer. But before firing up the grill or hitting the beach, we can't forget what today is about.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Yes, exactly, like little beef barley. Yeah. Little bouillon cube. Bouillon cube? Bouillon. Bouillon.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
I don't know either. You actually do your yoga exercises on a bouillon cube. Hey, Kennedy.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
I'm going to go with lobster. You know, I don't like how they're treated. Same. You're not serious. No, I've never had lobster in my life.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Yes. All right. What's the dumbest thing you ever did as a kid? I already know Dana's answer because this question comes up every year.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
No, that is true. And you'd be tall. That's true. I don't know. Does gymnastics stunt your growth? That wasn't my problem.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Smoking cigarettes. I remember buying cigarettes in a machine at Macy's. You'd go downstairs into the hallway, put money in, and me and this guy, Bob. Yeah, we went to the high school, and we smoked cigarettes. And then I came home, and I spilled my guts without them even asking. My mom said, hey, what did you guys do? And I go, we smoked. And Bob never hung around with me again. Yeah.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Up next, what's the earliest childhood memory we can remember? The answer when we come back.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Well, I remember, okay, I remember it was dark. And it was weird because I was very comfortable. I was very comfortable. I was like asleep, awake. And suddenly, it just started happening. And then all of a sudden, a big light. And I came out and these giant hands grabbed me. Grab me. And I'm like, what's going on? And then I get somebody hits me on my butt.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
And next thing you know, I'm like sitting on this woman and she's got these huge breasts. And I'm like, but I just put my mouth right on her breast. And everybody's like, there's all this noise and bright lights. It was insane. Wow. Yeah, I think I was 17.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Yes, they caught me many times. I was a slow child. I never got the belt, though. Everybody got the belt. I'll give you the belt. Yeah.
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
you know what's funny this is uh it was something i didn't get paid for when i was like working in magazines fox did not fox had me on their shows they didn't know who i was it wasn't until i started writing for free at the huffington post and that did it and that's when the people at fox started reading my stuff and roger ailes called me in and sat down yeah i like what you're right there boy what where you what do you do how much you get paid colonel
The Five
The Five 05-26-2025
Sanders. Yes. And then the next thing you know, I get a job at Fox. But if it wasn't for like just getting stuff that I didn't get paid a single dime writing for the Huffington Post.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
As long as you pit one group against the other, they won't look up at you. And this is how the Democrat Party survives, is they want everybody to fight each other over their rights. specific group rather than fight over an idea, because once you look at the ideas, you leave the party. Right.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
I'm just getting word from the producers. Tim Waltz has staged for jazz hands. Oh, wow.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
Fox News alert. Trump reacting just moments ago to the shocking cancer diagnosis of former President Joe Biden. Watch.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
Meanwhile, Democrats are ripping President Trump's big, beautiful bill after it cleared a hurdle in a late night vote and poised for a larger vote on Wednesday.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
I made a very simple case that the Republican budget is not going to help working class folks.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
So, Harold, the Dems think this is a terrible bill, but they think it's a terrible bill for the wrong reason. It's not a great bill because we're in a fiscal crisis and we aren't acting like it. We need to cut, cut, cut. And I think we're adding two point five trillion to the debt. Is that correct? I think it's a little more than that. That's what the forecast.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
All right, Bernie Sanders. So, Katie, there is no tax on tips. I mean, I don't think that's helping billionaires and trillionaires.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
Thank you, Howard. It's your daily worker over here. Up next, President Trump smacks the boss around.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
Yes. I think they should be flown to El Salvador. I don't know about these people being paid because they don't seem like they need the money. They're into the status and the relevance, you know, to feel important without actually putting in the work. I said this again is another example of an opinion being assigned. There's no difference in Springsteen's opinion from a Larry David or a Tim Walz.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
They're all the same things that have been said about Trump. It's assigned to them. It's not original. I think, and Springsteen has a huge fear, that if he were to meet Trump, he would like him, agree with him, and they would get along. Because that is what happens every time a rapper, a comedian, an actor meets Trump.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
It forces you to release these assigned opinions that you've been carrying around like rocks in your head. It sucks. But maybe put your ego aside. If you have these strong feelings about this guy and you're willing to talk about him on foreign soil, go to the White House like Bill Maher did.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
Well, this is deceptively edited because we left out the part where Macron comes in and goes, I dare you to pull my finger. And then he pulls his finger and then you hear the loudest fart you've ever heard. They literally had to clear the room. It was disgusting. It was so bad. Macron's wife got up and left, but not before giving Erdogan a good right hook.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
Thanks, Shelly. Tonight, we've got a great show. Guy Benson, Julie Banderas, Jim Norton, Kennedy. That's tonight. Hey, let's do this. In your face, Harold. Yeah, Harold. You don't have a nickname. Well, this Harold, the Chihuahua, is known as Handsome Harold. He is. For a Chihuahua, that's a 10. He's so cute. You know, he was adopted at Fawn's Small Dog Rescue.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
It's really nice when you hear about a 10-year-old Chihuahua being adopted. He enjoys relaxing, much like you, Harold. And he bonds with people quickly, unlike you, Harold.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
I thought so. Yeah, that's right. I skateboard holding orphans. Wow. I don't skateboard. What do you think? What do you do, Sandra?
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
He did not develop it in the last 100, 200 days. He had it while he was president. He probably had it at the start of his presidency in 2021. Yes, I don't think there's any disagreement about that.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
When they say something like that, you have to believe that that's the reason why they're breaking the news now. So you do mute and you do pause. The timing is telling you that this cancer is being used as a tool to deflect from outrage to sympathy. But get this normal human beings. We can have both. We can feel sad for somebody who has cancer.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
Like Harold said, we all know people intimately who are who have cancer, who are dying from cancer and who will die of cancer. So we could feel sad, but that's not going to infringe on the space in my brain that is reserved and dedicated to this cover up of his incapacitation. So you're not going to get a mute or a pause for me. But nice try.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
The cut this, you know, this we're talking about, like, how could this happen? We've always been saying about all of these problems in the last eight years. How did this happen? How did this happen? How did this happen? I say eight years because this has been going on before Biden was president. The neglect is on purpose.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
You know, we, for example, just focus on Joe Biden, the elder abuse line that we kept hearing. Why did it continue? Because Joe was docile and fragile and offering no resistance to any part of the progressive agenda.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
Joe's dysfunction may have been caused not by disability, but by debility, meaning he was worn down on purpose, deliberately kept feeble and weak, which made him pliable like a POW, except the W stands for White House. Joe's dysfunction was. was not prevented when it could have been because it kept him easily managed. He was always tired. He probably didn't want to answer questions or sign things.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
So we've seen a series of colossal blunders and deliberate cover-ups. All are ethically indefensible. All you can do if you're doing this stuff is tell yourself, consider the alternative. And the alternative to them was always Trump. That was their narrative. Like they can cover up this guy who is physically and mentally feeble because look at the other guy. It's Trump.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
So Trump is an existential threat. That narrative became justification for every kind of immoral behavior, including allowing violence, the implosion of a border, cover-ups, blatant, blatant illegal activity, siding with gangbangers. Up to now, Hamas sympathizes. You can approve of anything if you sell people the belief, you assign the opinion that Trump is an existential risk.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
It seems to me, Jessica, this debate doesn't end at all, but it is briefly put on pause as a result of today's news.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
Yeah, I guess I could talk about Tim Walz. Why do people like Walz only communicate through commencement addresses, right? Not podcasts. It's because they can only recite their boilerplate opinions individually. in arenas where there's no risk of a follow-up question. It's like J.D. Vance just mopped the floor with him when he actually was faced with someone asking him stuff.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
The moment you say, what do you mean by that? Or do you have proof that they're like the Gestapo? They will implode. This is why lefties always get all the commencement addresses and they love to spout their opinions on award shows because they know there's no journalist there that will ask them a question. And the reason why... And he's the perfect example.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
None of their opinions are actually real. They are all assigned. So he has he has there's just a folksy glibness. But underneath it, there is nothing. And they never have to have that challenge because the people around them never say, hey, what do you mean by that? There is no contemplation. You can always tell when somebody is telling you something that is not their own opinion.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
You do it all the time, Jesse. You know what's a perfect example? A perfect example is like me insulting Nickelback. And I've never heard their songs, but I make fun of Nickelback, but it's only because I've heard other people make fun of it. That's an assigned opinion. You look at Hillary. She uses the phrase, what was it? I wrote it down here.
The Five
The Five 05-19-2025
Handmaiden to the patriarchy, which I think she means she's bashing Monica Lewinsky. I'm not sure. But this only is appealing to an ever shrinking circle of feminist women, the same who bow to the altar of trans men and keep silent when real women are victimized by really bad men. But again, it's another assigned opinion that's lazily presented men against women, whether it's race or gender.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
All right. All I can say is this. Right now, if the Democrats are really happy with all of their legislative initiatives and where they sit, then they were out to lunch 5 November, 20 January and subsequent because they got shellacked. Is that OK? Number two, let me just focus on investigations real quick because Comer is going to constitute.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
I want this congressional investigation to be the backdrop of summer. Let that be. You know, some of you get baseballs on in the background, you're not really paying attention. These hearings should be something that's going on in the background. Here's why.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
Donald Trump, 34 quote-unquote felony convictions on that BS case brought here in New York City, based on the idea that it was election interference. Well, if paying Stormy Daniels is election interference to a beyond-the-reasonable-doubt standard... Then you're telling me hiding the fact that we had a president who was completely non-composementist. That's not election interference.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
I want to know who colluded on that. And you know what? There's no getting out of it if you're the media and his wife. You can take it from the guy himself. He would come out at the press conferences. He'd look at the cards and he'd say, OK, let me see what I'm going to call on here. So very clearly they were colluding. Get people on the road. Get into the comms. It's always a right.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
It's always the comms, as they say in Intel. Get into those communications. Find out who's talking to. Remember, Donald Brazil gave the questions to Hillary Clinton. Find out if that kind of stuff went on. Find out who was involved. And you're going to even if it doesn't have to be arrests, but put the sunlight on it because the entire media needs an animal.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
Yeah, so horrible optic. Let's advance the story a little bit here. First of all, he travels cross-country. He seems to be engaged in a targeted shooting, right? It's very Mangione-esque, okay? Shoots them in the back. Seems to have done maybe some social engineering because according to the person that put the event together, the whole thing was done under real strict security.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
You're joking, but criminologists, this is not me talking. There is a theory that at some point you get to the point where all the drug... And gun crews have essentially either been arrested or in jail. Now, I don't know if that's what's going on in Chicago, but you hear that from academics. I don't really buy it. I think it's generally down to good policing.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
Look, quality of life stuff is the stuff that's really become salient in the cities, right? And to Greg's point, our cities in America, these are supposed to be our crown jewels. These are the things that people think of when they're overseas, when they think of America. Think of the Statue of Liberty, the Golden Gate Bridge. Our blue cities have become a nut job archipelago.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
It's almost like they are like a quarantine area that we've decided we're going to put all our most extreme. And so we just pumped on it and we shouldn't give up on it because these cities are so important and vital to us. It's almost like we make a deal. Like you say, OK, you know what? Leave all the nuts there. But the cities are fun. So, you know what? I like going to the city.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
I want to go to a restaurant, go to a show. But then I get out of there. It's OK. Leave the crazy. It's like you go to visit, but then you get out. Well, the reason I'm not OK with that is I live in the city and I grew up here and I don't want to give it up. And just to get to the point of Johnson here, and it goes back to Lightfoot, he's in the box here.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
The reason we're doing this story is because DOJ just opened on him, all right? The Civil Rights Division is looking at him over the 1964 Civil Rights Act. And he's like almost black letter in violation. He says, yeah, well, I hire black people. I mean, you did not get that memo that you can't... What did Roberts say, right?
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
This way to stop discriminating our race is to stop discriminating our race. As the mayor... of one of our major cities.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
In fact, even the invitations were sent out encrypted. Somehow he penetrates it and he goes there. Was he looking for these two specifically? The security, I know people that have been involved in this, the Jewish locations, particularly Israel adjacent, have been hardened because of these sorts of threats. We had the terrible thing out in Pittsburgh a couple of years ago.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
So is Hollywood ditching alpha males? Gladiator two-star Paul Mescal apparently thinks so. The actor's promoting a new film where he plays a gay character, and he told Variety, quote, I think maybe in cinema we're moving away from the traditional alpha leading male characters. I don't think the film is defining or attempting to redefine masculinity.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
But on the flip side, Hollywood might be going magish. Shazam star Zachary Levi voted for President Trump. He says plenty of others in the biz did so as well, but are too scared to speak up. So, speaking of redefining masculinity, Greg Gutfeld. Yes. I am the alpha male. So, you and I knew Andrew Breitbart, whose famous quote is that politics is downstream from culture, right?
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
So, I mean, you know, he was a big Hollywood guy. What's your take on this? Can we bring Hollywood back to earth?
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
Yes, well... I think it does matter. I'm going to tell you why. Because Hollywood is how America talks to the world. I mean, traditionally, that has been the case. And our soft power there still really does matter. So let me ask you something. I mean, does it matter? Does any of this stuff matter internationally relative to our soft power?
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
They hardened all of these locations. So when he got there, was he intending to go inside? All right, because that would have been a lot more targets. And he had this gun. He had a lot of he had extra ammunition, right? He had a lot of bullets. So could have been a lot worse. There's a lot of questions still to be answered in terms of the charging. They talk about hate crime, terrorism.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
Smorgasbord of what? Listen, five years from now, it's all going to be AI anyway, so who cares? It already is. Fan Mail Friday is up next. So we'll be right back.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
bookshops remember and they were like really colorful and they played like that kind of music they play punk it just that's the cramps very very hip and very cool and they're completely gone i don't think yeah i don't even know if there are comic books anymore but as a kid they were fun now they're just all the little dolls and stuff like what do you call those figurines and some comics
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
At the end of the day, it's a federal murder charge. He is potentially in the bucket for the death penalty. But here's the thing. I just want to say it again.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
Do I think he deserves the death penalty? Well, put it this way. It's on film, so there's not going to be a whole lot of question regarding it. So we have a federal death penalty. If you're ever going to use it, this is the case. Am I personally in favor of it? Yeah. Whack him out.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
All right, here we go. A feline felon in Costa Rica was caught red pawed attempting a daring prison break-in with a backpack full of contraband. Guards at La Reforma Prison spotted the whiskered wannabe smuggler scaling a fence strapped with suspicious little packages. And that's it.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
That's why we're doing it. You know, we should say he's innocent until proven guilty. We've got to recognize that even though he is on tape. So we've got to get that out. But, you know, it's undeniable that this has been inculcated in him since his campus days. I mean, from where I sit, if you drill down, these people, they never leave school. It's a career path and they stay in it forever.
The Five
The Five 05-23-2025
And then they become the management class of these protesters. That's the thing you learn as a cop working on the front line. These things, they go on for decades. It never ends. Yeah.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
I just like annoying her. That's who should go to the cracker barrel because their porch needs an aging rocker. Thank you so much for that. Yeah. Trump's like a like a pound of pastrami. He's on a roll. It really is about your filter. Trump's filter is anything is possible in this world. What's the Democrat filter? Everything's happening to you. It's their fault.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
That's where identity politics came from. You're being oppressed. It's not fair. Nothing's fair. You can't do anything about it. Bruce Springsteen goes around the world and tells everybody, Trump is doing something to you. That he hops in a plane and he leaves. What do those people do? There's nothing they can do. He's screwed up their mindset. He's telling them they're basically victims.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
Springsteen I don't want to get into that situation where you go after a celebrity because he says something you disagree with. Because you're a hypocrite. If you like Kid Rock because he's pro-Trump and you don't like Springsteen because he's pro-Biden, that's wrong. What you can hit him for is being lame. Right? Number one, he's doing this in England.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
Number two, he's doing it in a way where there are no follow-up questions to whatever he's saying. And the best thing about this is that he just creates more rebels. Like, this guy... used to rail against the man, and every time he opens his mouth, he is the man. Everybody looks at him and goes, God, you know what? The people that he doesn't like are actually more fun.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
These young people that he's, like, mad about, some of them might be his fans. They're having a great time. He's now the old guy on the lawn, shaking his rake at a cloud. His voice is raspy. He looks like, well, I'll just leave it at that.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
Perhaps they're non-binary. How dare you? By the way, yeah, you're the whole binary choice thing. I wish it was treated as binary. But you have the media involved when the media is involved in any election. There is no binary choice. It's either, you know, Hitler or. Or not Hitler. And that's and so that's why the Dems and the media are in the same sinking boat.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
But I think it's worse for the media. And I'll tell you why. It's the Democrats job to protect their guy, even if the guy's losing his mind. So that means they're going to lie and they're going to spin. And we get it. It's dirty. It's ugly. But that's what they do because it's their team. The media revealed their corrupt allegiance in all this. You know, Joe Biden isn't their team.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
They betrayed their profession. There's nothing binary about this. They were on the other side. So in one respect, the media is dead. And I will say this every single day. They're dead. Bury them, cremate them, do whatever you want. Scatter them over a field. But don't cremate them. Dems are in a bind. Because this is going to be a huge story and it should remain a huge story.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
It's the biggest political scandal in history. And each Democrat is going to have to answer for it. There's only two answers. One, you know, I did know what was going on and I lied and I didn't say anything or I didn't know what was going on because I'm stupid. So which one is it going to be? And it's not just one day. You got to answer for like January 6th. It's every day since then.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
So there needs to be hearings because if there's no hearings, then the the cover up is ongoing. So you have it. The cover up didn't die when Biden lost any more than a crime is no longer investigated because they nabbed the suspect on a different charge. The crime was still committed.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
No, you know, you have to ask, OK, why was he shocked by the by their kindness? Well, you were living in a bubble in which there was a phantom evil, which led you to believe that these were all mini Hitlers. When you're living that life, you assume that these people are monsters. And now we're all we aren't surprised. We know those people. You don't.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
He was like the equivalent equivalent of like a old. news anchor heading to Woodstock to see what all this fuss is about this crazy rock music. The sentiment of the left created the appeal of Trump. You know, Trump didn't become punk rock. The critics made him punk rock by amplifying his danger and his risk, which is appealing to young men. And then these guys come off as stiffs.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
Trump is basically, to use another musical analogy, he's the 2025 version of heavy metal music of the 1980s. And they're all
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
tipper gore remember tipper gore yeah a little what were those things called that they put on the cds the warning label parental advisory i knew that one just not the not the richards uh martha well i think you know young men come in all stripes uh depending on their politics but i think it's sad that we live in this world now where people get judged before you're before you meet them
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
Oh, I do. That's like a flying. That's a flying dream. Yeah, it's a flying dream. And you're so happy when you wake up. It's the best. And then you realize you're just a white guy.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
Oh, my gosh. Yes. Greg. By the way, I always wake up in a foreign place, and I have to do the five, and I don't know where I am.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
I can't get there, and I have, like, dirty clothes, and there's blood all over the place.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
Wait, that really happened. One more thing's up next. You're well-dressed.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
All right. Tonight, a real one more thing. Dr. Drew. You're gross. It's August. Emily Campagna. Tyrus. That's a great show. Let's do this. Gus's Daily Diary. Good last walk today. Did all his business. Made friends with another Frenchie who totally got him. Wanted to check out the ledge and get out of the rain, so we did a photo shoot. He peed, found a discarded mirror, and took an artsy photo.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
I don't know. I think, you know, throw him in jail. You just kind of look. Look, he went to the beach because he's all washed up. I like the thing I like is how the dying media is portraying this story as conservatives pounce. on this. Oh, my God, they're making it out into something it really isn't. You guys invented the pounce. You know, Elon Musk makes a salute.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
You spent a week on that, talking about how that was Hitlerian and how all Trump supporters were Nazis. The only exercise the media gets is by pouncing. So we're going to pounce a little. You guys hit the showers. The people who pounce every day on every little thing Trump has said and created hoaxes off nothing do not lecture us on blowing things out of proportion. There's so many people.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
whose identity is tied forever to Trump. But it's their choice. It's not like Trump spends his life thinking about this chuckle nut. This guy has Trump on the brain all the time. Trump has created a legion of people whose brains are somehow broken. And I said this, I think, yesterday.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
If the filter that you have to see life constantly has you waking up with disappointment and bitterness, you should probably change your filter. You know, Jesse... Yes. Someone once said holding on to a grudge is like drinking poison, hoping it kills the other person. I think it was either Nelson Mandela or Ryan Seacrest. But you see this, but you see this among never Trumpers.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
The first thing they do every morning is they drink the poison, you know. And I don't by the way, I don't I don't. Begrudge Democrats. I don't think Jessica's like this. Sports is politics is a team sport. So you're a guy lost. You don't like the guy who won. I see these grudges more on people on the right.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
Never Trumpers who have who have so much negative emotion that it impacts the way they look at everything and their own well-being. They have to learn from like this guy is definitely stuck with a broken Trump brain. And when you're on the beach making little stones, there's you got a problem. You look at like Bill Maher.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
When Bill Maher went to visit Trump, what did you there's one thing you knew. Both of them felt a little emotionally lighter afterwards. There's something about doing that that makes you feel better. You got to let go of these these crazy. I mean, I don't care. He can do whatever he wants. He can he can write my name in stones. I don't give a damn.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
It's been around forever, that so-called bribe. They were talking to the Biden administration about it.
The Five
The Five 05-16-2025
There's no we already know there was no Joe Biden. So it's kind of hard to give him any credit.
The MeidasTouch Podcast
Fox News Loses It on Air Over Trump Shock Admissions
That creek looks clean. It doesn't look like it's filled with sewage. And I have seen Pete Hegseth swim miles and miles in a Speedo in the Hudson River, which you can't even see through. This, you can see right through. I think it's fine.
The MeidasTouch Podcast
Fox News Loses It on Air Over Trump Shock Admissions
Well, he's following up for Mayor Pete. I don't know. Greg, I fly out of Newark. It's my home airport. And I'm going to the West Coast next week. And the Qataris have offered to give me a plane. Fox is not going to have anything. They're not going to give me a hard time about that. I don't think so. It's a gift. It's a gift. It'll go to the Waters Foundation after I'm finished with it.
The MeidasTouch Podcast
Desperate Fox News Flips Out on Air as Trump Cracks
Our chief legal analyst, Greg Gutfeld. Oh, yes. Well, I'm glad you asked me that question. Look, John Roberts says it's not appropriate. It's not an appropriate response. when you disagree with the judge. It is really a surprise to me that Trump doesn't follow the appropriate protocol when there are rapists and murderers invading our country. Maybe a guy in a robe in D.C.
The MeidasTouch Podcast
Desperate Fox News Flips Out on Air as Trump Cracks
can follow all the protocols, but Trump is the effing president of the United States who protects 300 million-plus people. He is a leader who does not have the luxury of opening up his little books to read. Oh, my God, maybe he didn't do it the right way. Roberts, shut the F up. This is something that a president has to do. He has to do this.