Harrison Ford

The way I dealt with it was to behave as if it was a kind of law of the universe that I was fine.

So I didn't let myself think it's not fair that I should live and she shouldn't.

But at the same time, I felt...

overwhelmed by the scale of what would have been the right kind of order of compassion so I think I showed less of it than I should have done and yeah there's guilt in that now and I didn't know her as well as I

could have because I was so aware of her as a kind of potentially pitiable person whereas in fact she was a funny and rather peppery and witty person as described by other people and I kind of missed that because I was in Narnia and because I was going no no I can't look it's too awful

I miss her very much.

I wish now at 61 I had a 58-year-old sister who had passed through all of these decades with me and who I could compare notes with.

But I don't.

I haven't seen her for decades.

Oh, Lord, it's 35 years now.

But I think of her often.

In an indirect way, yes, absolutely.

Someone can be a presence without being a character.

And once the shock of somebody dying young is over, I think...

The sorrow of it settles in around all of the things that they're then missing and all of the stages of life that they don't get to go through.

There were some reviews of Light Perpetual.

saying the children who die in the first chapter and then get given a kind of ambiguous literary resurrection, people were complaining that they didn't have remarkable lives and they grew old and died anyway.

And I thought, yes, but that's the prize.

What you want is to grow old and die anyway.

Going back to what I said in the memoir about reading to banish pity, that