Host 2
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Oh, intriguing how?
That's that's quite a combo. Poe, all those gothic vibes, the darkness, the macabre with libertarian socialism.
Because you got to wash your socks.
You can do it, King. Untangle your arms from your shirt.
Really. It's like, oh, man. Bruce Lee didn't warn him about that. Don't lock yourself up in your shirt. You know? Oh, man.
When I think of you guys, you know, when I hear about your background, all of y'all living in two rooms, you know, it reminds me of how we grew up. I mean, it was just the two of us. That's the only reason, you know, that we felt like we had more space. Mm-hmm. We grew up sharing a room until he went to high school.
And then our parents turned the back porch into a bedroom so he could have his own room because they thought, well, you know, this grown Negro needs to have his own room. But You know, our childhood was like yours. No money, a lot of love, good values. Humor. A lot of laughter.
You're not making yourself breakfast.
Yeah. You know, never government cheese because my father had a good city job, right? Okay. And I think that was the only reason. And there were two of us. Probably if there had been 10 of us, the government cheese would have been involved, you know. But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the values our parents instilled.
What did you have for breakfast today?
And, you know, we just lost our mother last year, you know, and it's like... You know, you never stop grieving that. I mean, I still can't even talk about her or my dad without, you know, losing it, which is a tough thing to do when you're speaking in front of a thousand people. I know. But there are just a lot of phrases and words that go through my mind every day that they instilled.
And I'm just wondering, you must have some of those. I live with my parents.
Yep, yep.
That's not making anything.
Oh, okay, okay.
You made bacon?
So that makes me wonder where, you know, a lot of Black families would be like, entertainment, you know? You know, the... You got to go get a job. What was it about your parents that they were so encouraging? It wasn't my parents. Okay, okay, okay.
What do you mean you made bacon Sunday? What do you mean?
Was Kenan kind of as the eldest, as really kind of father-like because of the age difference?
And you carry old bacon around?
So that brother was out. So we know not to follow his guidance. Don't follow Dwayne.
But it's pre-cooked? What are you talking about?
In the middle of the fight. It's like, different kind of liquid.
You don't get no lessons.
I'm just confused.
His DJ name was Craigie Craig. Craigie Craig.
Because that's how big speakers were back in the day.
No, I don't. And I'm not ashamed to say it.
Well, you said you cooked bacon on Sunday, but anyway. I cooked it on Sunday.
Where's your cousin now? Oh, okay. But we won't talk about him then.
We had to tuck him in the casket. It was a circle. It was like, here you go. Pay back. Pay back. Well, you know, with such a big family, because it's not just your brothers and sisters, but extended family. I mean... I talk to a lot of black folks, you know, make it big. And it's just the pressure to take care of everybody can be overwhelming.
And have you guys been in that position because of your fame, because of where folks are like, yo, yo.
That's beautiful.
All right.
And you just couldn't squeeze the banana in.
Well, that's good. I'm glad. I'm glad you had a balanced breakfast and you're ready to go.
Well, thank you, Airbnb, for giving my brother a guest favorite with a kitchen.
I can't believe that in all these years we haven't met any of the Wans. There's so many of them. I would have thought at some point you just run into somebody on the street, run into somebody in the motorcade.
Damon's like, don't quite remember it that way.
And you do.
And it's just like... That doesn't work that way in our family.
It's like, was that a Wans that got hit?
But it starts at the top. I mean, the way you talk about your father. I mean, there was, you know, there was sometimes a level of fear because you didn't know what he was going to do. But what was always there was a level of respect.
And so whether you felt like that was happening just as your code, it started because that's how you thought of your father. And I'm sure that had a little bit to do with how your parents interacted. But I also know that as siblings, sometimes we read the parental relationship differently or the situation. I'm wondering if you guys have different takes on that.
I think that was one of the wins.
There's so many of them.
And it was just payback. This is what I'm saying. Karma, man. That's karma. Okay, okay. Now it all comes. See, we all caught that. It's like, what?
Well, that would be hard to do. Yeah, because they're West Coast guys. We've got to make up for that.
We digress. We digress.
Yeah.
Fear.
But when I think about... you know, what our parents did or didn't do. And maybe it's a little bit different because we're brother-sister, because that same gender dynamic may make it a little bit hard. But I know we got along for some of the same reasons. It was the, you know, it was... Our parents worked hard enough without us fighting and causing havoc.
We knew our parents were working as hard as they could. We knew that they were giving us as much as they could. I guess we grew up grateful.
And perhaps sometimes in this generation where kids have, I think, too much, parents are giving kids a lot of stuff and they're not giving them some guidance, that what we had was a lot of gratitude for the little bit that we did have. So it was sort of like, well, what was there left for us to be fighting about?
I don't know about you, but my parents never asked me once whether I was happy.
That was never even a question.
And I think we, you know, to the questioner, I think, you know, how do you get your kids to get along? I think parents have to sort of look at the foundation they're setting because kids don't just out of the blue fight all the time. You know, that's not in their nature. So the question has to be, what tone are you setting in the house?
Right, right. But I'm not talking about arguing or not. It's are you establishing the foundations of respect? Right, right. Like, do they respect you or do they think you one of their little friends? Right, right. Right? Because what I did with Malia and Sasha, you know, I didn't mediate in between them, you know, because I was like, I love you both.
And if I don't know who was wrong, you know, don't ask me to get in it. But what I would say is that If I have to get in it, everybody's in trouble. You know, that's all I can do because I don't want to play favorites. I'm not sure who's telling the truth. And so if I'm involved, I don't care what happened. Everybody, play is shut down, doors closed, computers off, it's over.
Yes, we all know that.
And it was interesting that, you know, They wouldn't want me involved as a result. So they'd wind up, you'd hear them in the White House because their doors faced each other. There was a hall door into their rooms and their two bedrooms faced each other. And I'd say, I don't care what you do, but figure it out. So you'd hear that quiet fighting like, Sasha.
If you don't, and I'll tell you, and I'm, wait, I'm going to hear you slam and slam. But eventually, they'd figure it out because they wanted to keep playing.
Oh, yeah, we did that.
What's the age difference?
Really? You knew that early?
You know, Malia, they are back up on that. Like, it just happened. You know, like they discovered... The son.
I hit my kids one time. Yeah, I was the same way.
And I felt silly for the... And I took a couple of spankings for me to be like, yeah, you know what? After the 52nd one, I was like... You know, but you felt like, you know, this is a little kid. And the fact that I can't think of any better way to get my point across than to smack somebody on the butt, I felt embarrassed in the same way.
And it comes pretty early.
Well, I talk about that as like, you guys are handing your children their lives and you're doing it early so that they can learn from their own mistakes. And I think nowadays, a lot of parents are trying to live their kids' lives for them so that they don't make any mistakes and don't feel any sense of failure, which keeps them from learning.
I tend to agree with that in my parenting principles too. It's like, You know what? I raised y'all to have some sense, to have some judgment. And at some point, you've got to practice that, which means that I've got to let go. So even in the White House, you know, my motto before these kids went to college, I gave them more rope. Because I was like, here, have more freedom.
Well, that was also... That was also true. You know, Barack will say his real reason for wanting to be president second term was that having teenage girls running around with men with guns. But yeah, he would say that all the time. He's like, OK, I think I can do this another four years because look at them. They're growing up.
But knowing that they wouldn't live with that kind of security for their entire lives, it was like one day you will be out there. And I think that the reverse happens now is that everybody's trying to hold on to their kids. But one day they're going to get out there. And the only thing that is for certain for kids getting out in the world is they're going to get hit with some failure.
That's the only thing that's guaranteed. So we've got to start preparing them early for that, letting them practice making their own decisions and, you know, choosing the knucklehead boyfriend and holding your tongue and, you know, and showing them that you trust them so that when they do fail, they'll come back.
Well, speaking of parenting, I wanted to talk, Marlon, a bit about... You know, just so proud of how you are being a role model for dealing with a child that's transgender. Absolutely. And that's, you know, that warms my heart, particularly as a Black man.
Because you just don't know. I used to say it's like going to your grandmother and expecting them to learn a new language overnight. It's like they've been speaking this language, using pronouns in this way for their entire life. And to get it wrong, it's a mutual patience with the process.
Welcome to I Am O. I Am O. Where I get to work with my brother, which is also why this is kind of... There we go. Any advice as I embark on an endeavor with a sibling?
And I like to be putting that out there for the world. I mean, because, you know, we just, especially in our community, you know, we've sacrificed a lot over this issue.
And it's all about realizing that we got to love people how they come to us, period. Not just our kids, but all kids. And the notion that we would put people in unfair advantages, put their lives at risk over some nonsense.
This is how people talk to us.
You know, our parents were not our friends. They were people who loved us and taught us respect and boundaries and hard work. And I'm not saying this for us, but I'm saying this for people listening. Because I think we get this wrong about what our kids need and want. And our kids need and want guidance, respect, love, discipline. You know, none of that.
You got me. This episode is brought to you by Pinesol and Chase Home Lending. Hello. Hey, Smoothie Smooth. How you doing? I just want to touch this. You like that? It's like, ooh, is that pleather?
We all got disciplined, you know, but none of that stopped us from loving our parents and revering them. You know, so I want...
I have cursed out my mother underneath my breath on several occasions, you know, but you never did it to their face. You know, this notion that I hate my mom. It's like, you better say that in your head, in your room. You don't say that out loud, you know. Parents are too afraid to set those kind of boundaries. And I think that's also part of the challenge that we're facing in this generation.
We're replacing love and respect with stuff. And I just, you know, I just, I want to be a proponent for reinstating some of the stuff that we had, some of the good old wisdom that our parents had in raising kids. So we have room in the parenting proposition to be a little more like,
You know what I'm saying?
Oh.
Get up, you know, get yourself together, you know, to criticize them, to give them strong guidance, to give them our opinions, to direct them.
And engage with them.
Yeah.
Never.
Or to a nanny.
It's like, did I do enough?
Yeah, that's right.
I do. Yeah, I like that because it's like, what are your kids telling you in their disputes? Are they asking for attention? Are they just looking to grow? You know, it may not be a problem at all that your kids are figuring out how to get along with each other. Mm-hmm. You know, an argument is not always a bad thing. You know, a little scuffle may not be a bad thing.
It depends on what's at the foundation of it.
It's like, I'm just showing you yourself. Yeah, yeah. Well, you guys are, you know, pretty amazing.
Don't fall far from the tree. I wish I knew your parents. I did. I do. I wish I could look your parents in the eye and tell them, wow, you know, what wisdom. You know, that's what IMO is about. It's like we now have wisdom. We're now at the age where we are them. Mm-hmm. And we have learned a lot from them. And part of that obligation is to share it with folks who maybe didn't have that.
Right? Because there are a lot of people trying to figure out, can I be a good parent if I don't have money, if I'm not this or that? And we are all living proof that there's a way to do it. And there's a philosophy to follow. And people are looking for help out there. And that, you know, you're willing to bring your wisdom to this table. You know, I'm just grateful.
Agreed.
It really does. And all through that, there's some wisdom right there. Wisdom right there. You had a special sauce.
There you go. See, that's the spoken like a little sibling.
You know, it's like you can't show us the way. We got to run into the wall on our own. Will you talk about, let's talk about your sisters. Yes. Right? Because everybody knows the brothers. Yes.
Tell me about, well, we know, Kim. I mean, I think that's the only sister I have seen out in the world. But you got a bunch of them because it's a lot of y'all.
Did Kelly pick that out?
So they're telling the truth. They're not in the business though, right?
It goes with my nails. She always finds a way to, you know, make it work. I know. I know. Yeah. So what's happening? What's happening?
You guys had a lot of strong women. You had your mother, you had your sisters. How do you think that's made you better people, better men?
Don't worry, Marlon. He was my mother's favorite.
It's rough.
You got what you wanted. You wanted a birthday. Here you go. Here you go.
Yeah, yeah. You're a regular.
What's the matter with you, Damon?
What's a guest favorite?
Made your youngest two kiss in the mouth?
I used to do that in his back, you know? Punch me right in the back.
You could hear the echo in his back.
That reminds me of a time. I don't know if you knew this because we, you know, close in age, went to the grammar school around the corner. And, you know, this is how close we were. You know, Craig was always a popular kid because he was a sports kid, did all the stuff. But at Bryn Mawr, I was coming out of school at the end of the day.
And for some reason, people came up and said, your brother's in a fight. Your brother's in a fight. They're geeking his ass. They're beating his ass. And I was always that tough girl. But the thought, like the image of you being beat up, I broke down, you know, because I was just envisioning you getting hit by some guys. And I don't know if I told you that, but I was like hysterical.
And then you found out on the playground that I was hysterical and you came over and you said it was just a joke. Nothing really happened. But I always thought I would be able to just, you know, thug up. But just the thought of him being hurt, I was surprised at myself, even though I was a little girl. I was like, get it together. Get it together. But I couldn't.
Oh, you mean that it's rated.
So it's their rating. So it's high on the list.
They think it was an MKUltra project.
away actually ho ho ho Santa's here and I've got a deal sweeter than the Christmas cookies it's a Sunday cool super soft stock up spectacular looking for the softest fleece on this side of the North Pole look no father these bad boys will keep it cozier than a snowy day and your PJs but wait don't you dare wait till last minute to start planning your 2025 shirt orders no you know who's on the naughty list bad planners
We'll get them hooked around.
Ah.
Slimy yet satisfying.
Hakuna Matata. Oh, man.
Figure out more on Patreon. Here we go. All right, bye. Love you guys.
Get ahead of the game with tees, fleece, hats, stickers. Remember, early birds get the goods and avoid the Christmas crunch. And just like Rudolph said, plan now, shine later. Oh, click on Mrs. Sunday Cool today, because if it's got to be soft, it's got to be Sunday Cool. And from all of us here at Sunday Cool, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And don't forget to start planning.
You know why? Because Santa's watching!
Is that true? Yeah, but in 1977, a MiG-25. Were there women on it? No, I think it was one guy.
That is you.
It's got to flip a switch. Get a little silly.
And then what he said.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Okay. Two boys, one girl.
That's a lot of paper.
It's almost there. Okay.
We would give for you too, actually.
Wait, are you the grace?
So for me... How do we address you?
It looks like they didn't grow those three. No, you did.
Watch this or listen.
And then 10 years later, it's $8 billion. We have $8 billion. Guys, we keep doing it.
It blew my mind.
Yeah. What's going on with the Ooga Booga? Did you see this?
Okay, well, how about Psalms 137.9?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was like, what are you thinking? Snow angel.
Yeah.
You're just like, oh, it's on me. It's true.
Yeah.
jokes all the time oh man did you hear the news andy what's that we got a new ninjas and butterfly shirt booyah birds are dinosaurs whoa on a radical pink wow look bone spell n-a-b that stands for butterflies you can go get yours now at sunnycoolswag.com flamingos are dinosaurs
Yeah.
Yeah, but what is there, Andy?
Wait.
Bye.
I wish, I wish...
We're just talking about aliens.
You know what I'm talking about, baby.
Yeah. Oh.
Everyone in the world, das Gift. I want das Gift to you.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I'm the bad guy.
Listen to your heart.
What?
No, I have not.
You swag. Yeah, yeah.
We dis.
Yeah, exactly.
Bove Island.
I picked you like brackets, I got it all wrong. You left by the tip off, didn't stay long.
We kissed in the bleachers and you walked out. Now I'm just screaming in emo self-doubt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, don't do it.
Bloodline.
Great.
Okay. Oh, my gosh. Because this is when I lived in East Bay, San Francisco.
It made no sense. You had to hold him, our eight-year-old child, for two hours. Yeah. And I think he had a great time.
But for you, it was not a pleasant experience.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
But, you know, I moved when I was 10. So it's like I had this whole life and friendships and stuff that... Vanished.
To me, staying for a full concert is a failure. Yeah. Like I – there's no world where I'm staying. I went to see this incredible show at Largo and I was invited – this was over a year ago. I was invited by a very good friend who is also a celebrity and we – She knew the people performing. And so we were going to stay afterwards.
And I recognize that for a lot of people, that would be very exciting. I was like, I leaned over when I felt like the show was kind of getting to its close. And I said, I'm going to get out of here.
And when everything – and she was like, are you sure you don't want it? And I was like, nah. And as soon – I didn't leave early. That's rude. Because this was like a show show at Largo. But as soon as like the applause started, I was out of there.
No, it was just the two of us.
Yes. For her, this was also like – I didn't know if it was going to be like she's one of 60 people talking to this person and how long we have to wait. And as soon as you enter that phase of things, it's so much harder to peel yourself out anyway. But at a concert, at a baseball game, at any sort of event like that, I get such a thrill out of leaving first. I don't know why.
Vanished. Oh. Is this her? This is so exciting. Oh, no, that's not her. Well, so I did look up a Kristen.
It's a gift that you can fabricate for yourself out of life.
Oh, go ahead.
Brag.
No.
Oh, my friends here. I mean, you and I have both performed a different situation where people come backstage to say hi. And it's like, that's different from being like a... Big shot performer and having like all of these kind of people there and it's an obligation and it's both ways.
So that's why you got to get out early. I like it. Speaking on this, though. Now, Los Angeles is like, you know, we live in a neighborhood. We love it. There's so much to do here. There's so much culture. There's so much nature. And we have access to so much. And yet it is so easy to just stay in your little bubble and your little pocket and in our case, in our house.
It is. Now, the other fact of things is like a lot of stuff is very expensive. Yeah. So, you know, I feel like when times were a little different for us and things were more flesh, it was easier to go do all these things and stuff like that and justify it. Now we have to be a little bit more picky.
Nobody's listening, right? Hello, Andrew.
I can't imagine it because we were that way for a while, you know, but also I have enjoyed kind of hibernating and, you know, there's been, as we were at our friend's house last night talking about, it's been a rough year, especially for people in this industry here. And, but there have been so many silver linings and I, Totally feel that.
Who does amazing stained glass art.
Having said all of that, the other night, I was coming home from something.
No, art class. So this was last week. And you wanted me to pick up Takeout.
And I went to pick up takeout and like the street that this restaurant was on and it was a Saturday night is blocked off for some kind of like festival thing happening. And it was so lively. Yeah. And there are all these people. So this was at like six o'clock on a Saturday night.
All these families out and about milling about with like ice cream cones and going to dinner and like cute people on dates and everything. There are all these bars open and their doors are open and they're like the clapboards out on the sidewalk. And I thought, I am so we're so buried in our house. I don't even know that this is happening. And it was so energizing and delightful.
And I was just picking up food. But I thought. We should do this. We should get out. It's so fun. There's music.
Not the same one. But what if everything was leading me to this, you know?
Yes, once a week.
You know what? I think that that's on the horizon. I'm feeling, for no reason, suddenly very hopeful that things are going to lighten up for us in the work and financial department. So let's put that on our dream board. It's out there. But anyway, yes, it was very fun to just be in the mix out there. And I would love to do that and take the kids out. Now we do a lot with our kids.
I don't want it to seem like we're hermits. You know, we go to soccer games. They swing on our creaky swing set in the backyard.
I finally... I looked up the wrong person, but I am so taken by this other Kristen's artwork.
No, we do soccer games. We do tennis lessons. And watch TV.
Hey, we went to the Huntington, which is a place in Pasadena. Oh, yeah. That was pretty cool. And had a lovely day. And it's such a special place. Now, we really love this place called Descanso.
Now, I think – so Descanso is kind of this beautiful gardens in – like outside of Los Angeles also.
La Cañada. Is that right?
La Cañada, Flintridge. And it's – More kind of – it's all taken very well care of, and there's these beautiful Japanese gardens, and there's this incredible old oak grove, and there are the camellia gardens.
It's more organic. It feels a little more wild, and it's so beautiful. Huntington Gardens are like the estates of this very wealthy old family, the Huntingtons, that they've now generously turned into a public – I mean, you have to pay – But there are libraries, there's artwork, the Blue Boy. Famous painting. Famous painting. So there's incredible stuff.
Yes.
It must have been.
And also being now an oil painterist, I was like...
cool.
Okay. Fair enough. But the gardens of the Huntington Gardens, there's this unbelievable Chinese gardens and Japanese gardens.
The Chinese gardens... Is truly magical. It's wild. Now, but everything is, feels much more manicured and I don't know, less wild. Everything feels like it's in its place. And I feel so lucky that we have access to both of those. Yeah. So we did do something with our kids. We took them out and they loved it.
Yes.
Tell me you didn't embarrass yourself with Gabe and Andrea at Deck Brigade. Oh, yeah. Big time. No. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Yep. Yep. Okay. Well, shout out to Andrea and Gabe at Deck Brigade Design. They're the most wonderful people.
I'm so embarrassed already.
Yeah.
Well, I do know that. There's... A special love I have for stained glass because it's meaningful to you.
You know what I mean? Yes.
And these are all URLs that we have owned at some point.
Yeah. I have elizabethlame.com.
Yes, I'm thinking of some that I would be embarrassed about now.
I'm so excited. We get to talk to each other for an hour. Yeah. As though no one were listening. And let's really do it, you know? Let's talk the way we do when no one's around.
Right. Is it?
Speak to that.
By the way, I mean, BDT's whole thing is big dick. Big dick Travis.
We have confirmation he's well endowed.
And were you like, will anyone click on this? I don't even forget how I was hyping it up because... Or do you think they clicked on it and... Oh, no. Do you think that they clicked on it and saw what it is and thought it was so stupid that they just didn't even speak to it?
Because you think that it's going to be live videos of micro-penises. Yeah.
So and like what kind of stuff did he do? Do you remember seeing him doing it?
I know, but if you're going to address that... It's like a text to me, like, thanks so much for this, you guys. I am so embarrassed that there is a link there, and I think you know which one it is.
That was a prank I was doing with my Rocket League guys. Like, so sorry you had to see that. Totally forgot about it. And I promise you, like... It was, you know, please don't think badly of me. It was totally a joke with my friends.
Hey, well, I haven't. I mean, I'm just this is off the cuff.
Yikes.
And you hope he passed the info along to Andrea.
Hi, Andrea, just following up. Can we hop on a phone call?
Well, of all the things to lose sleep on, I don't think you need to worry too much about that.
Wow. So that's hilarious.
I'm glad you.
Yep.
Nice. Okay. Can we talk about the doghouse?
Yes. Okay. Yes. Here's what I will say about this. I am rewatching The White Lotus season two. It's great. And this is my way of getting off of horrific true crime stuff. And on Max, I get an ad for this show. It's a British show called The Dog House. The Dog House.
And there's a Christmas episode. And I am very eager to be in the Christmas spirit. And I also thought it's about this rescue center in the UK and its tales of the rescue dogs getting adopted and their histories. And it's perfect, I thought, for us as a family to watch.
And so we start the Christmas episode. It's very festive and like this family's coming in and they really get into the backstory of like why the family's adopting the dog. We're hearing, of course, very heart, you know, heartstrings tugging stories of also like these dogs have sadly been oftentimes abandoned or, you know, they as many rescue dogs have tough lives.
Origin stories, adopt, don't shop. And so, and it's very sweet and they're trying to pair the right dog with the people coming in. And one of, so the first story is this family and they're wanting a playmate for their daughter because they have two twin sons who already have each other as a playmate. And so that's like, oh, it's a sweet story. It's Christmas.
What a great Christmas gift for this daughter. Mm-hmm. The second story is a nurse whose children now are grown and out of the house. She gets a little lonely and her job is really hard at the NHS. She wants to come home to some puppy love. And she gets this pair of puppies and it's very sweet. The third story is two people and I don't know that I've ever loved a man on TV more. Like the most...
Oh, that's so beautiful.
Kind-hearted sweetheart of a man and his adult daughter coming. And what I wasn't prepared for was the tragic story that they were going to tell. And they did, in fact, tell on this... Dog show. Christmas episode of a dog show. Dog rescue. Which was... That his wife, I mean, so tragically died by suicide after really struggling with mental illness that set in because of menopause.
Now, we have... talked about suicide with one of our children because it affected one of their friends. And so we had that conversation, but we haven't yet had that conversation with the other kid. And I, you know, maybe this would have been, there was too much detail in the telling of the story. That was the other thing of what went down in their loss. Um,
And I wasn't prepared to have this be the way that we are leading into the conversation.
I was like, I mean, wow, they really go deep. I mean, they this was like one of the darkest stories I've seen played out on quote unquote, like reality TV.
Well, I mean, it's just them being so emotionally vulnerable and honest. And it's the truth. They wanted this puppy companion, dog companion, for a man who was trying to pick up the pieces of his life after his beloved wife and the beloved mother of his...
That seems cool. I don't know the first thing about it. I have no knowledge of it. But I do know going into these beautiful old churches and synagogues and things like that where there's the real old school stained glass. It's incredible. It's incredible.
daughter who is an adult and doesn't live with him has shockingly passed away after as he said her mental health took a steep drop now that's the other thing I've been talking a lot about perimenopause and all of that stuff so we're extra clued into it the second that was how it led off and we're like whoa where's this going well I've never heard that though I've never heard
someone from menopause, like from the effects of menopause and hormones having such a sharp drop in mental health. It was... In a weird way, I feel like this was important for me to hear because it's like, yeah, you need to take this stuff seriously. And also, no one talks about how menopause, this is kind of a new frontier, I think, for my generation. We were just talking about this. Yeah.
And mothers, I don't have one, obviously, but I think that mothers in general, to our mothers, weren't talking about menopause and you need to have hormone therapy. And the conversation amongst my kind of peers right now. not necessarily in my circle, but online, on Reddit, on Instagram and stuff, is that doctors are not taking menopause and perimenopause seriously enough.
There's not enough research. There aren't enough answers. There's not the education around it that there needs to be. And it's a very...
big big part of women's lives and so hearing this on this show i'm like oh yeah it's a it needs to be taken really really seriously and you need to know what to look out for and you need to know what treatment options are available and if it could happen to this woman it can happen to anyone and so um because they describe her as like this joyful, like the glue of the family.
I mean, it's similar to how I think I would be described, I would hope. So anyway, it was... But it was... An unexpected.
Right.
Mm-hmm.
They showed a clip of the girl going, I love you guys, to her brothers. And they don't even respond to her.
And how many cuts they must have gotten to make those. How many fingers gone.
They did. I mean, they tell the story of the day and how it happened.
It was very authentic, too. I mean, I thought it was so brave of him to share this story, and it almost seemed like... It was appropriate if you're him going to adopt a dog on Christmas, and it had been a year since his wife had passed, it almost seemed like it was important and cathartic that he share this with the people who are pairing him with this adopted dog. And they also nailed it.
They brought out the perfect dog for him. You could see him light up. This man, I wanted to reach through the TV screen and give him a hug. He just seemed like such a sweetheart. And you could see how much pain he was carrying. And so it was, I mean, I wept twice during the story of what they went through. Last night you wept? Yeah.
I got teary-eyed last night, but the first time we watched it, I wept.
We knew what was coming, and we fast-forwarded because we could sense, and I think our older child also sensed what was going on. But again, I wasn't prepared to... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And my fear, of course, is like you're saying, I don't know, my fear, of course, and talking about it with a kid is you're introducing the idea that this is an option down the road.
Yes.
And so I think that the conversation has to be. you and I really talked about how we're going to talk about it with our other kid and that, of course, not to stigmatize mental illness and to present it in a way of like, this person needed help and it's not that they're bad and even though it's causing pain, it's that, unfortunately, they couldn't see...
Yes. They really went all balls to the wall on those old churches.
how they needed help and how things would get better, but it always can. And no matter, my dad actually talked to me about this. Did your parents ever have this conversation with you?
My dad, when I was like a teenager, we were watching something on TV. Maybe it was, you know, I don't think it was this, but it wasn't obviously. But I said, why do people do that? And he said, you know, kind of the same thing, like things they can't.
figure they can't see that things would get better but and he said promise me though that you know you will know that they will always get better now I feel like there could have been more to it but just the knowing that no matter how bad things feel there is always hope that it will feel better and so I want to you know the conversation we're having with our kids is
Things will always feel better eventually. Everything is temporary. And also, if you ever feel hopeless in a way where any of those thoughts start to swirl, you need to come talk to us immediately and you need to get help immediately and we will help you. And that's part of the conversation of like, you can always come home to where we are no matter what. No questions asked.
Well, is this the one you were talking about last week?
If you want us to not even talk to you, we won't. Like... You can always just kind of turn off your life if you need to. That's always an option outside of, you know, making a choice that can't be undone.
It's a hard conversation to have with a child.
And it's definitely a family show.
Yeah. You wouldn't see that in America, I don't think.
I want to. I'm like, what if this show becomes our parenting guiding light of all the intense stuff in life? There's an episode that's about cancer and there's all this stuff that has – Getting your period. Yes.
Little Shelly got her period. And what's the story there of why she needs a dog? Yeah.
Well, maybe we need to go darker.
Got it.
Is it that she was swimming and a shark came? And so now she needs it.
It has been for me.
I'm sure every girl has thought that. If you're out in the sea. Yeah. I'm not going out in the ocean with my period. Are you kidding me?
Uh-uh.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Uh-huh. But also in some of those, they like are bringing like massive chunks of fish meat that is bleeding out.
Chum. Yeah. And they throw it out there. Yes. Yes. Something to think about. If you're having one of the events, like a menopausal event.
Perimenopausal.
Oh, gross. But, you know, I have talked about the one that just like.
Oh, my God. It's worth saying again. This was the one that sent me to my doctor and I think really drove home. I'm in perimenopause, which was I was on set and in Vancouver and it was a 30 minute drive from the hotel and like a van or a driver comes and picks you up and takes you to set. So it's not like.
You can't leave. You're also at work. And there are 200 people working to, you know, whenever you're there. You had the brilliant idea of, why didn't I go talk to wardrobe? Which I think I was just so out of my mind, I didn't even think about it.
But I luckily was wearing black jeans and kind of a sweater jacket. So luckily I was dressed the right way that day. But I went to the bathroom. I felt like a gush of something and I was like, huh. And then I kept working because I don't really tend to have strong periods. I went to the bathroom and I had bled through everything and my jeans and like halfway down the thighs of my jeans.
And it was so gross. And I came back and I did tell I was alarmed. And I told the like female scripty there, I said, look, if I go missing, if people are like, wait, where is Elizabeth? I'm probably in the bathroom. And if you call 911, they need to go right to my vagina. Don't waste time going, what is going on? She's passed out. Is her breathing? No, it's my go in my pants.
That's what's happening. That's where you need to stop things, right?
Bleeding out. And so, I mean, I was legitimately like kind of nervous. I thought, what is going on? But then I just kind of walked around and let it dry out. And I spent eight hours. Now, this is a part I don't know I've told you. You're not going to like this.
I had plans to get a drink at the bar with someone, a woman, at, I don't know, I felt like it was important to tell you that, at the hotel after filming wrapped, which was, it was a late night. It was like 10 p.m. And I went and I thought, okay, I can go up to my room and like change, but then am I showering? And I don't know, I'd already like gotten so accustomed to this.
With my sweater jacket. I was covered up all day. But it was dried out at this point and I had become one with it. You know, like...
But the option was to go upstairs and like fully shower and be late. And the idea of going up to just change clothes and put new pants on. And also I'm on vacation. I'm not like doing laundry the next day. Onto my bloody body was not an option. So I just went with it. You know, some people free bleed.
That just dropped. We did. Yes. We really forgot that we were recording it. And that's also this week's sponsor is my butt. I'm just kidding. It's patreon.com slash nobody's listening right.
Runners. Have you ever seen the marathoners who are just bleeding?
What's that?
On purpose?
Well, meaning, I know that they're not like, I want this to happen, but meaning it's not like they've just lost control. It's like they have to poop, but they don't want to stop And take the time because they're going for a time, right? They're not going to stop and go find a bathroom and fuck up their whole thing.
Right, right.
Okay. Okay.
Yep.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Fun. Fun stuff. Well, this has been a delight.
Well, do you have something else? Gosh. I had fun today. I had a lot of fun, but the end is... Oh, I want to bring something up. I had a checkout guy recently. He was real chatty at a grocery store. I was helping bag...
Yeah.
Well, this time. So I had one recently where like me helping bag was not an option. Why? Because the way she was scanning and putting it into the bags, like the stuff wasn't coming down for me to jump in.
They're not?
Yeah.
He was doing it, too. But this guy was real chatty and real friendly and was asking me about blah, blah, blah. And talking about what I'm buying, you know. And something came up about, like, my kids liking to eat something or not eat something.
40? And I... We were like chatting and laughing, and I was like, oh no, eight and 10. He was like, oh, okay, but.
Okay, well, I need to, he was probably 50, 55. What? And.
Well, I want to, like, I'm trying to make it not the worst thing, but it almost feels like, is it worse than my parents dying? Yeah. Wait, he was only 50? 55, maybe. Maybe late 50s. Now, I do think it would have been worse if he was like 20. No, because then you're just stupid. Well, I'm wondering, was he trying to be funny? Or does he really think that I am at least 60?
It's something like... Is it because Leslie's only in there for part of the days and Janice is only in there for part of the... Is it like real spotty?
Now, I have a question.
I know, but was he saying 30 and realized like the joke wouldn't land? Because it is, could be, I mean, I guess it's...
possible given my biology i could have had a baby at 15 but then he went to 40 to be like i'm making a joke here wait but he said let me tell you let me tell you 40 i need to tell you a few other things yes he said 30 40 i had my like hair i think i had worked out so my hair was back in like a ponytail kind of like sweaty not looking i have no makeup on okay i I'm wearing like exercise stuff.
I think I'd come from Pilates. Okay. So I look like, and I'm getting a little bit of gray around the temples, which I actually don't mind, but I'm like, is that aging me significantly? No. Do I read as 55 to 65? No. Now here's the other story I wrote in my head to kind of make this okay. He seemed very happy and jolly.
But is this his secret, like, weapon against, like, life and these motherfuckers who are coming in here? And, like, he has kind of a sadistic need to, like, seem really happy and jolly.
But, like, this is the way... Like, is this his go-to thing of, like, hurting people's feelings? Whoa.
Well, I had the reaction I tend to have in these surreal moments where later I look back on and I'm like really upset about it, which is trying to make it OK for him. Like, I don't want him to think that he offended me in this honest way.
Yeah, so I was like, oh, no, they're 8 and 10. I wish I had said, how old do you think I am?
Then I would have gotten some more answers.
Fine. I would love to. I wish he would have said, oh, no, I was totally kidding. Or like, obviously you're not. Or... I mean, it would be horrible if he goes, you only have an 8 and 10-year-old? You must have had kids. Was that like via surrogate? Like how could you, a 65-year-old woman, have 8 and 10-year-olds? Do I look like I'm? Here's my question.
Even in my worst.
Do I have 40-year-olds? No. Okay.
Thank you. Well, last night, our friends who are so lovely and are younger than us said that she would put me at mid-30s, which I think is her being generous, obviously.
I was just told I have 40-year-old children.
Father, I could probably tell you.
Oh, my God. You might just be saying this to be the anecdote to that, but I'll take it. That really means a lot. And again, I hate to, you know, I feel like age is the new...
fat thing where it's like why is looking older bad what you know we should be able to be the age that we are and maybe I should live in a world where I'm not offended that he thinks I'm 65 and I take it as a compliment but who wants to live in that world Anyway, thank you. That was tough, though. It was a tough thing that happened.
It's his one little, like, what's a kink that's not sexual? It's one little, like, he gets a thrill. He gets off on it. Not sexually. He just gets, like, a little rush of it.
I'm a little like, I know Catholic masses.
It's a little devious.
Late 50s. Okay.
Interesting.
Yeah.
About something that happens during mass?
Because you went to one?
Oh. Yeah. Fun.
It's likely Father John.
Leslie or Janice, depending on whose shift it is.
And are you going to say, look, I heard I'm Jewish.
Are you going to act like the way, you know, how I did when I was talking to the Christians at that wedding and I suddenly became very, throwing around the word blessed and stuff. Are you going to act like you're interested maybe? Well, no, I am very interested. I'm very curious about the answer to this.
I am loving this fall weather.
I know, but like also if he engages with you on this, almost like your heart's being called to ask these questions because maybe you're being summoned to by the Lord.
I know, but you might get what you want.
I don't think you need to worry all that much about being a little disingenuous with the Catholic church.
No, I don't know. Hold on. Would we be looters? Honestly, I'll tell you why I wouldn't. This is bringing this whole conversation full circle. I don't like broken glass. I'm scared. And I feel like looting is always, there are always jagged edges of glass involved somehow. So I don't want to get close to that.
Oh, I do.
In that case, I'm like.
Yeah. Well, that's like I definitely don't think it's cool to loot, you know, Dick and Jane. Well, Dick's Sporting Good. I don't mean that. You know, a mom and pop.
Always. But I also like I don't think it's I think if you're alluding like a huge corporation that has write offs for what do they call it? The loss that occurs. You know, you know that I'll turn a blind eye.
Yeah.
Cool.
Was that you trying to, like, connect with the youth and be like, I'm cool and I know about shoplifting?
Was your mom also shoplifting?
But your mom also, like your mom shoplifting would truly be she put something in her somewhere and forgot about it. Your mom would never be like, I'm going to steal this shirt.
We are DeLulu.
It's almost a rite of passage.
Well, just I know you're painting this horrific picture of me and you're a saint on high about the looting. But I never shoplifted and would have never. And in fact.
I love that. I want to adopt DeLulu.
Yeah. But also of all the crime, I mean, I just have a real different view of crime now. Like if someone takes a lip smackers and, you know, I'm just like, there are people, this gets into all of the like, look, a girl takes a lip smackers and she's in huge trouble or whatever. And, you know, sorry to make it about this, but like all of the violent crimes committed against women and how the
Thank you. What's her name?
justice system is so stacked against women. And even when there is justice, it's not nearly enough and all of that stuff. So I'm like, girls, do you. But when I was, I found out years after we had moved to Los Angeles.
I worked at that restaurant called Rodeo Bar.
And it's now defunct. And like, don't hold me, I'm not saying anything legally binding here, but I found out later, everyone was skimming money, like stealing.
Kristen. Did you know Kristen's growing up?
As a server and, you know, I never did. And I also felt a little bit, like, out of the club and also, like, why did— No one tell you how to do it? No one told me or no one was like, hey, you know you can— Yeah, because, well, let's be honest. I wouldn't have done it. Look at you, though. But I would have liked to have been invited.
This is, like, should be the title of my book. Your memoir. Which is, I'm not coming, but I'd like to be invited to.
Like, I don't like to go do things, but it hurts my feelings when I'm not invited to them. That's not true.
Well, there's certain things.
You know what I don't really like to do anymore?
I don't like myself for this, but I don't really like going to concerts. It has to be like a massive, you know, we were talking about ACDC or U2 or something like that where it's, I don't know, going to Alanis was incredible. Some big, I'm naming all these like throwback things. I would have loved to have gone to Tay-Tay. Like a big event, but it would have...
I still would have had to like prepare myself for it. And like, this is a huge thing I'm going to do. And I loved, we went to the Stromae concert, which was incredible, even though I thought we were going to die on the balcony because it was bouncing so much. But when friends of mine always so generously are like, Hey, I got tickets to blah, blah, blah. Do you want to come?
And I don't.
And I feel bad, but it's just such a, there's such a, it's such a shit show getting to places, the getting in, You're standing there. It's loud. Now, I like little, you know, we went to see Maddie Ross and Illuminati Hotties. That was different because it felt manageable. And we know them. We got to hear your music. And it was incredible. Yeah. But I don't like going to, like, concerts, really.
And I think that's your fault.
Yeah.
Well, I think in New York, and maybe you can say the same thing about comedy shows.
You – like we went to see so much music because you were in music and you were playing – you were also playing a lot of shows back then. Yeah. And it's almost like I OD'd on it.
I had a really good friend growing up. Kristen. I wonder what's up with her. Should look her up.
Yes.
Well, you took our son to CCG5.
Okay.
Well, like, nothing against him. He seems like a lovely Mormon boy. But, you know, our son, and I think it's like taking the eight-year-old boy demographic by storm. Sure. And so our son wanted to go. Teddy's first concert is Billie Eilish. Otis is a CG5. Sure. But it was not the right venue for it because there were tons of kids and it's like standing only.
Yeah, we had two tables going.
Yes, that would be lovely.
Independence Day.
And I didn't win. It's literally the first time in my Mahjong career that I did not win a single round. Wow. And I got to say, I felt like the forces were against me because, oh, you're going to just delight in this. Because when you originally deal Mahjong, you know, you get dealt a certain number of tiles. And you hope, and you usually do get at least a joker deal. Okay.
So you told me, going back to Rocket League, let's just ping pong between dinosaurs and Rocket League.
And ping pong. Hey!
Okay, just real fast. You told me last night something I didn't know that happens in your Rocket League sessions, which is at the end of them, you all vote for the handsomest player.
Do you have other superlatives?
Because end could be colored greatly by what went down in the game.
How does it get teed up?
Tell me what you say.
How? It's just vibes. Hang on, Andy.
If you're teeing it up, aren't you doing it because you think it's you?
Have you ever gotten it?
I would expect you to get it.
Because you're the one teeing it up.
Okay. Why? What was going on with Matt? It just, he looked- What was happening with Matt?
Full of life.
Have you been sad that you haven't gotten it as much as you deserve to? Listen, all four of you are handsome.
One of you was a professional model.
One other person who's like doppelganger son is also a model. Yeah. So, you know.
It's tough competition.
You're always the handsomest to me.
Okay, ping pong.
Was it just you and our buddy, John?
At his table?
That's exciting.
Were you sweaty?
Like, ha! That you're both making?
Oh, I don't want to see it.
I'll get the ick.
It's like you and ice cold beer.
Nobody's listening, right? Hi, Andy.
Yeah, four or five people.
These are the type of like squid game challenges where you're like – You put yourself in their shoes and you think... Well, standing on your foot, it's balancing on one foot, and your other foot can't touch the floor. How hard could that be? But ultimately, at some point, it's like they keep your hand on the car thing. At some point, you just humanly can't do it anymore.
And to go, there's that moment that we all can imagine where you go... my body has decided this is not for me.
And in Squid Game, you know, you die. In this game, you're just losing.
Two, maybe if you're lucky.
It's my dancing background. I wish you had known me more as a dancer. Like just, I want you to take this in. That was truly how I identified from ages 10 to I'd say 16. Then I switched over to laughing.
In your own hand. And those... So then you start this thing called the Charleston, and you start passing tiles around in a certain pattern. You obviously are holding on to those jokers. And last night... It was crazy. I didn't get a single joker. There were certain people like David kept getting. He won two hands of Mahjong with five jokers.
First of all, okay. First of all, this is getting into some really tender territory because I am still a dancer in my heart.
Kind of. It shaped me in a way I don't think you relate to. Okay. I don't think you have an activity you were doing back then, except for smoking, that shaped your identity in a way.
Okay. Well, I learned, speaking of Mahjong life lessons, I was dancing three to four hours after school every day. Like, it was so my life. I spent as much time at that Patsy's Performing Arts Dance Studio as I was anywhere else. And the, like, dedication, the... Don't laugh at me. No, I'm serious. What's the word I'm looking for where you're like very strict with yourself?
It's right there. Discipline.
The discipline, the, you know, doing stuff when you don't feel like it as a teenager. Yeah. Now, I did have to make a really hard choice and switch to cheerleading. Some might argue the wrong choice. Maybe. I was pressured by the coach because I was captain. And I was captain because I was very organized and had good morale.
I think Amy.
Oh, Andrea. I mean.
So the Amy coach, though, was like hired. Basically, she was like a serious cheerleading coach that this private school brought in to kind of whip us into shape.
No, she's a cheerleading coach. Andrea is the dance teacher.
Long story short, I still have, like, anxiety nightmares about telling Andrea that I was picking cheerleading over dance.
By the way, I was never going to have a career in dance. I just don't have the body for it.
But I have the heart and I have the ankles, as it turns out.
The ankles.
But I wish you had seen me as a dancer because I really, now it didn't come super naturally to me, but I worked really hard to become very good at it. And I was graceful and I did, you know, but those days were behind me long gone. So it was fun to do this. I made it to eight and a half minutes, which made me know if 500 grand were on the line, I could have gone the distance.
Like they made it to 38 minutes, I think.
Yes. It would be hard for literally anyone to do.
Well, I chose to because I started to feel, this is, I didn't explain this at the time, but I thought I might injure myself. And it's not worth it for a dumb little family thing.
How'd you sprain your ankle? Oh, we were, I was competing again. I was competing to see who could, oh, for like a competition or money? No, just to like prove to my kids.
Yeah, calf and leg were definitely part of it. Now, when I was doing... was alternating between putting more weight on my toe and shifting my hips kind of back.
And then kind of sticking my butt out a little bit and doing more weight on my heel. So I was alternating. So when one position would get really tired, but it's a very minor shift. You wouldn't have noticed it probably unless you were.
We had eight.
That goes back to the like grip strength, ankle strength, foot strength.
So excited to chat with you for an hour. I don't know when we're listening.
Well, like those random strengths that you don't think about. Okay.
Ankle and foot strength.
Oh, foot strength for sure. Unchaud.
Do you ever like, do you ever retain anything?
Probably three weeks ago, you talked about being unshod in the unshod community. And then the next week I came back and said, you know what? I was being not fair to them because it turns out to build foot strength, you should be barefoot.
Mm-hmm. Question. We were watching White Lotus.
I guess it typically is not the husbands. I mean, it's typically all gals plus Matt. But yeah, they were hosting, so he was going to play.
We don't have it in us to save it, but I almost do want to save a couple episodes so we can binge it.
So on it, though, they go to a snake show.
And you casually threw out there, oh, this is like the snake show I went to.
Can you tell me about that?
Andy, we've never talked about this. How come the lore in our family is that I hate snakes?
You've never piped in about your hatred.
Because you don't want to seem so weak or something.
Okay, this is so interesting because there is lore in the family. Now, one of our kids has a rubber snake and she likes to, every six months, not really, every year or so, she like finds it hilarious to put it different places because she knows I hate snakes.
Not once have you mentioned hating or having a fear of snakes ever.
I just don't understand why that hasn't come up.
The truth is I'm not that scared of them. Really? Yeah. I just don't like them. I kind of played up how scared I was, so it was more fun for... Because our daughter liked to be like, ooh, I like snakes. Yeah, she seems to like them.
No. And in fact, Paul... Mm-hmm. Had something to do last night. He thought it was at their house and he was going to cancel his thing so he could play. But it turns out it was not at his house. Anyway, long story short, once I someday get a Mahjong set, which can't put out any more hints than that, and that we host, I definitely want you to play. I think you would love it.
I don't know. But they went on a... They were on a hike with like a camp and a fucking rattlesnake went out in front of them. And I was like, oh, my God. And they were like, yeah, we just kind of watched it. Now, if I were to see a rattlesnake, like it doesn't have to bite me. I'm just going to die from from shock.
Oh my God, no.
Down to the river.
I don't like that. Yeah, those are your two things that you don't like. Now I know.
They're used to all of it, though. They just have to live at peace with being in the wild. And I think that they have a bigger respect for nature. You have to. You must.
Oh, yeah. I mean, fat boy juniors are so delicious. And it's an ice cream Sammy.
It's a classic ice cream Sammy that's a little fatter with ice cream. So the ratio's a little bit more in the favor of ice cream. That's what makes it fat. And then we get the juniors because a whole fat boy is a whole lot fatter. And this is like the perfect amount. And I don't know what it is, but that vanilla ice cream, they have found. We were talking about McDonald's vanilla ice cream.
And then you took the kids to Costco and they tried Costco vanilla ice cream. Loved it. Which they loved. You know, there are some vanilla ice creams that get the right fake flavor of vanilla.
Just right. And almost like an eggy. I don't know if this will make sense to you.
Yeah, I love an eggy French vanilla, like if it's like a gelato or something like that. And Fatboy nails it.
That happened to Otis.
That's a bad batting average.
Oh, you did.
Oh, yeah. It's such a depressing thing. You can't even enjoy it. I threw his away.
Because for a couple of reasons. One, he wasn't going to have it. I got him a real one. Yeah. Yeah. And also I thought, gosh, like, why did this one not get the cookie top? Was there like a rat tail that gets stuck in the machinery that kept the cookie top from coming down? You know, I don't know.
Is anyone listening out there?
Okay. Well, you don't have to.
Probably not.
Wait, what?
Wait, I bought this, it tasted off?
If anything, dairy is slightly off. You got to get rid of that. I really honestly have not had like a glass of milk or milk in my cereal or anything like that. And I mean, maybe there's been one or two desperate cereal moments, but I usually use almond milk or oat milk or whatever.
Because in college, my roommate who was going through a hard time, I was too because my parents had died, but she was just like having some, I don't know, she was just going through hard times just for reasons that sometimes you just go through a hard time.
And she was kind of forgetful. She was missing classes. She was gambling a lot. It was that sort of situation. But she also would spend tons of money on stuff and then kind of, and I honestly benefited from it because she'd go and buy all of this like really nice makeup and then have too much makeup.
And buy all these clothes and then like half her closet just had tags on, you know, it's that sort of thing. So I think she had, she was dealing with what I now am talking out clearly some addiction issues. Well, she would go do these big grocery shops, which was so nice for the house. Nice. And one time, though, and this is Santa Barbara sun, heat, and she had like a brand new BMW.
She was wealthy.
She left a gallon of milk in her trunk. And what happened was, you know, over, I don't know, weeks later, It basically started to like ferment in there and it exploded because the gas of whatever was happening. That makes sense. And the smell. I mean, so she, sorry, you're going to throw up. She literally just had to get a new car. Like there wasn't even, no, no, I'm serious.
There wasn't even a coming back from that. There wasn't a deep clean. There was no way out. Should have drive it off a cliff.
Well, it's like I can never clown with milk again.
Yeah, we have a nice little matte black hand soap dispenser.
That goes in our bathroom. And then we fill it up with soft soap that you buy at Costco that comes in large jugs.
Well, I just don't want to put dish soap on my hands every time I'm going to wash my hands.
Only on like accident if I get mixed up with, because we also have nice little dispensers that look alike. And one is Dawn and one is hand soap. And the hand soap should be on the left, but sometimes it ends up on the right.
I just don't have greasy hands very often.
It's also gentle on sea animals.
Ducks and whatnot. Seals. Sure.
Because the gods were not in my favor.
Do you want to talk about something that is maybe a little tender? But being introverted versus being extroverted. Do you consider yourself introverted or extroverted?
So, yeah, okay, I would agree with that.
Where it can be draining for you.
To be out. I almost feel like I've become more introverted the older I've gotten. Maybe you've rubbed off on me or I don't know. But the kind of measurement thing I was listening to was basically if you go to a party.
And you're extroverted, and it doesn't have to be some big rager or anything. It's with people you like, like it's a pleasant party. If you're extroverted, typically you will feel like your battery is getting recharged. Yeah. So by the end of the party, you go home, you're buzzing, or you could even have stayed out later or you would want the party to continue.
Whereas if you're introverted, even though you're having fun, it is a drain to the battery. And like an hour and a half in, all of a sudden a switch flips and you're like, I have to be home right now or I'm going to die. And you and I both, I think, typically have the same bandwidth. And we will both, what I appreciate about you is because that's how you operate. If I'm like, we need to leave.
We could have had a great, great, great time.
And then now here's my other question for you. I feel like I'm more extroverted.
But I need more solitude. You seem like you don't really need solitude all that much. What's that about? How?
Okay. I will try that because the Tetris I thought I was warming up with now, this is going to be a hard sentence to say out loud. June Diane Raphael won five games. Five.
Yeah. Like I need to have time where I'm not around anyone.
And you seem like that is neither here nor there.
Oh, that's interesting.
That could be. Mm-hmm.
And it's that like anxiety? No, it's not anxiety.
Interesting.
Oh, wow. I'm like, I can't wait to get this thing off my plate. I just finished a feature screenplay that I've been working on for like literally 10 years. I put it down for about nine of those years. But having it off my plate, I haven't even fully, because it's always been the thing that I'm like, I need to get to that. That's the thing that I need to get to.
And I haven't even really appreciated now it's off my plate. But what I was going to ask you, so you do spend a lot of time like in the studio alone. Yeah. When I'm not here, when you know I'm out at the house, is there a sense of like difference to you?
When you're not here, it feels totally different to me. Isn't that interesting?
I'm like, oh, I'm home alone now.
Yeah, that's true.
I'm sure they play a little more often because they have the set.
Yes, so many things.
I mean, JonBenet Ramsey, obviously. All right. The staircase, like, was it the owl? I don't know. So a lot of true crime stuff.
Well, there's someone in our family who has a genetic variant.
And I would want to know, like, if things around that were affecting them or... Okay, that's a good one. So, like, a health, a very specific health thing. Yeah. And where people just don't know the answers. They're just, like, the answers aren't known.
How about you? Again, the one that I really was like, oh, my God, I want to know that slips my mind, but... Oh, I mean, I obviously want to know if your soul gets to pick... Like, where it's going. I mean, all of those answers I feel confident we will know.
But she had also played Tetris as a warm-up. And so that was no excuse. I don't know what happened, but just the wheels came off the bus last night. And basically me and, I'm going to throw her under the bus as well, Danielle Schneider, were the only ones who didn't win. Listen, if I'm getting dragged, I'm bringing her with me.
Oh, my gosh, yes. And then I think when we come back to life, if we do, do you know in astrology there are...
There are theories that basically your soul goes through each life with the sun being in each zodiac sign until like… Until it's ready to kind of level up or whatever that means in the, you know, collective consciousness or whatever.
Yeah. Like, you know, Aries is, I think the idea is like Pisces has lived at least 12 lives. Yeah.
And Aries, y'all come in all hot-headed and fiery.
And it's your first go-round.
Things like that.
This is the thing.
Is God Jesus' daddy?
You know they communicate without talking.
they all right last question yeah this is a pivot wait you didn't have an answer didn't i ask a couple questions what were they i think i would want to know you kept baiting me for something more personal so is there something really personal that you'd like to know about
I think you'll find that out. I think we're all going to find those things out.
I think we all do have it all wrong. And that we're so enmeshed in our stupid thoughts. And we all align with our thoughts and our worries. And I think... I think it was Allie Ward was talking about she did like a mushroom trip and the takeaway was just worrying is like the biggest waste of energy. And, you know, we only have so much energy to expend here.
And so I know I'm very good at worrying, but I think that's a thing. I think I would really like to know... You know, were you and I like destined for each other? Are our kids... Did we know each other before? Yes. Like our kids, I mean, I've always wondered, are the kids like some part of my parents reincarnated or grandparents or anything like that?
Is there like a cyclical nature to souls kind of having experiences together? Yeah. Well, this was interesting. We started off with dinosaurs and we ended with existential questions and we threw some shade against Brooke Shields and along the way.
I'm actually so glad you brought that up.
Because it irked me seeing that and seeing this gorgeous airbrush. Your point is they picked the most beautiful 60-year-old woman or whatever it is that exists on planet Earth. So, yes, you can say embrace aging. Well, then don't fucking airbrush her shit to death.
I want to see some like wrinkles in the armpits, that skin. Like there's nothing that shows that she might be older than 30. And that's infuriating. And then the interview wasn't really doing much to back up this, like empowering, you know, let's, I want to see like, oh, I've realized the way you look, you know, can be a way to express yourself.
But beyond that, like, I don't give a shit about what anyone, you know, there's not that.
Who would you pick?
For example, Pamela Anderson.
I don't know if you've seen her. I mean, she's such a fucking badass.
I'm going to drag her. She's on this journey with me, whether she likes it or not.
She's out on the red carpets and haute couture with not even a lick of makeup. And for her to have been this beauty sex symbol, I mean, one of the top three to five of that generation or that time.
And to now own it in that way.
It's incredible. That's what I want to read. I want to read Brooke Shields talking about basically one daughter is pretty and one's not. Can I tell you something else? Yeah.
Well, let's not drag Jenny Brown into this.
She is a treasure.
Are you thinking about some sort of like wet t-shirt Sports Illustrated thing from back in the day?
But I was thinking you put Brooke Shields, like kneeling in the sand with like twisting her fingers through the bottom of the t-shirt. Some of those sports illustrated things are so absurd. Like no one's ever kneeling in the sand and twisting, you know, go ahead.
OK, so here's the thing. And I don't mean to throw shade against Brooke Shields because I think she is the product of her life experiences.
I don't know. Like, here's the thing. It doesn't matter what we think.
It truly doesn't. And then you meet them in person and you're like, what? And they're duds.
I think she is like that. Like, I think she's just not that interesting.
And I think... I hate that I'm being so rude about a lady, but you know what? She's doing her thing and she's owning it. And that's great. It just wasn't for me.
All right. I think that's good. Good night.
What are the signs?
Well, I have to say it's hitting my confidence.
I literally feel like a less confident human being because take away from me what you will. I have always had Mahjong and Tetris.
Tetris, I still got, baby. I got it. Mahjong. I don't know what's happened. It's one night. It's one night. I just need to like get my fucking head in the game. I need to get my fucking head in the game.
Oh, God, that's so beautiful.
No, it really did. You're absolutely right. And I think that once I lost three games in a row, which June won all of them.
I got in my own way, whereas I maybe could have won, but I felt it coming apart. It's all mental. It really is mental. Now, this is a game of partially luck, but a lot of skill. And a huge part of Mahjong is basically choosing the path you're going to take with your tiles and sticking to it.
Wow, well it's good to know that we're not alone.
Even though it's very tempting at times to pivot and try to have plan B's and C's, it's kind of a metaphor for life.
That might be true. I really need to win, though, because that's my income as I've been shouting from the rooftops.
I've been enjoying my senior role in the corporation. And, you know, even... Even bosses at times have bad days.
I think it really depends on your outlook. You know, my dad was a boss.
And he was a big boss.
He had a lot of bad days. Like, I think he was really stressed out about stuff a lot. And then he had a really bad day when he died. I would love to talk to you about dinosaurs.
What do you mean?
This is out of my Real Simple magazine, which I have to wonder if someone's nephew became a new contributor to Real Simple.
I feel like it's something that like a seven-year-old boy was like, you know what, can I contribute to your magazine, mom? And she was like, honey, you betcha. What would you like to do, choo-choo trains?
Here, give it to me.
Oh, let's look her up. Hang on. Jenny Brown, real simple.
She really is. She's so beautiful. And then can I say something?
Well, I also, I have to think it's like airbrushed to the max. She is like so beautiful. I wish that if the whole idea is like own your age, beauty, you're always beautiful, which she certainly God knows is. Mm-hmm. Can we see her beautiful at her age? Like, can we see it so we can actually accept this? Otherwise, it's just empty. You're shouting empty shit into my head. But anyway, her interview.
So the interview in Real Simple Magazine with Brooke Shields was the most vapid... Hold on.
Her answers were so dumb. And there was no depth about aging and the way she's talking about her kids and stuff. I was like... Can you give us something here to sink our teeth into?
She basically like throws one of her kids under the bus because it's like, no, beauty must be like topic in your home is your career is like one of the most beautiful women in the world and blah, blah, blah. And she has two daughters. And she's like, well, one of my daughters, she essentially says like one of my daughters that doesn't affect because she's also really beautiful.
But my other daughter, I mean, it's so fucking crazy, this interview. Okay, so Jenny Brown.
Jenny Brown. First of all, speaking of aging, she looks like she's about 10 to 15 years old. Jenny Brown leads the copy and research department of Real Simple. Whether the topic is home food, fashion, beauty, health, finances, dinosaurs... She helps ensure print articles are clear, engaging, and unbiased. She has more than 13 years experience, so she started as a minnow.
Well, that's just also being kind of thoughtful.
Okay. I just find this so fascinating. Now, it's hard to imagine that less than 200 years ago, not a single five-year-old would have asked what your favorite dinosaur is. The word meaning terrible lizard in Greek wasn't coined until 1842. Isn't that fascinating? Now, a couple of things. Dinosaurs appeared, this is going to blow your mind, 230 fucking million years ago. Okay.
230 million years ago. Wow.
It's not all about, you know, sometimes it's not all about withholding your freedoms.
Okay, flowers didn't exist yet when they were around stomping. All flowering plants, including fruits, arose about 100 million years ago. So think about that. That's 130 million years later.
Now, over their 165 million year era— Dinosaurs also lived through the breaking apart of the Earth's landmass from the supercontinent, Pangaea, to the continents we know now.
Now, the first dinosaurs were actually pretty small animals and were pretty low on the food chain for millions of years. Millions of years. Again, this is just blowing my mind, the time thing. The dominant animals were these ancient type of crocodiles, and they slowly evolved into some dino species that eventually grew mind-bogglingly big, like T-Rexes and...
the like, and scientists are still not sure why they evolved to become so massive. Now, alongside the massive beasts lived smaller dinosaurs. Of course, they turned into birds and all that shit that we already know. This is what gave me pause. Okay. When a six mile wide, do you know why dinosaurs went bye-bye?
It is always.
Yeah. A six-mile-wide asteroid hit the Yucatan Peninsula 66 million years ago. 75% of life was wiped out on Earth.
The survivors were creatures that could hide underground or underwater and move around easily like bird dinosaurs, turtles, frogs, dragonflies, and primitive mammals that we eventually, that we came from.
That eventually evolved into us.
I'm really upset because I had a really rough night last night.
Get some, get Daft Punk out there to DJ some like crazy, amazing laser show. If we're going to go down, we're going to go down like the people playing violin on the Titanic.
Could we think about collectively, let's stop nuking each other and worrying about nuking each other and start thinking about how we're going to nuke what's coming from out there.
I played eight to nine games of Mahjong.
Who's many?
Where did you see this?
How do you know?
Can't trust them with anything.
Yes, embrace the debate.
I love guys who like football. And guys who like football, they like me back. And I like them back. And even guys that don't like football, they try to avoid me because I'm always trying to get them to like me.
That's good old-fashioned pitting the brothers against each other.
Hey, Pardon My Take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
And you were in the player section, though. Right. So then there was like a party section that was different.
Pug. What? What an arrival. No pictures. No nothing.
Me too.
I was worried when I woke up. I took a picture with Chris.
Wait, so yeah, I woke up the next morning. I was like, oh, fuck. They didn't get in. This is bad. I went to sleep. I didn't help. And then it turns out you got all the way in.
Pug, how was it? Tell us everything.
How was asking Nick Sirianni for a picture?
Love it. So you didn't bother him. Yeah.
Yeah, put that behind you. Remember how sick he was? We need that frame behind you. The night you partied with the Eagles after winning a Super Bowl. Sirianni was so sick tonight. Wait, so did you guys... What did you guys... Can we see the picture of Sirianni and Pug?
I was explaining it because people were kind of roasting me and PFT being like, why would you buy one single ticket? I was like, dude, it's the Super Bowl. Connor made best friends with his seatmate too.
Well, not for Max. He has literally no memories of it. This picture is awesome.
You look sick, Pug.
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Did they have a bathroom for you that was different than everyone else's? Nice. Sick. Same.
Okay. Do you want to get invited to the parade?
What did you guys do when the party ended? Did you go to a bar?
What an animal.
Yeah. And then, Pug, how was your flight through Kansas City? Were people like, God damn it? My flight was through Atlanta. Oh, okay. All right. So you didn't do the Kansas City connection. But there were some issues, weren't there, Pug?
So what time did you get home?
Yeah.
Pug. All right. So, Max, scale one to ten, how unhealthy do you feel? Nine days in Bourbon Street.
Exercise vacation next week. Fitness vacation starts next week.
He's going to drink so much more than he skis.
All right. So any other Super Bowl thoughts? I mean, I had a thought while driving in this morning. Is Patrick Mahomes a Kyle Shanahan merchant?
Two out of three of his Super Bowls against Kyle Shanahan, who can't win the big one. Is he a Kyle Shanahan merchant?
Very bad. So I saw a chart. Someone was like, hey, if you think that this first half was like the Tampa Super Bowl, it actually was so, so, so much worse. Patrick Mahomes, that was the worst half of football he has ever played.
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Yeah.
There was a chart I saw that was it was like worse play stretches in the Super Bowl. And Mahomes had like the worst four or maybe eight play stretch in a Super Bowl all time. He also had one of the he had the best four play stretch, which was all in garbage time. Oh, at the end? Yeah, the throw to Xavier Worthy, definitely. Which I agree with everyone.
You can't count stats after the Gatorade bath. Yep. That was after the Gatorade bath that he made that throw. It was an incredible throw. It was a sick throw. It was also all the backups. Yeah.
Yeah. True. Pretty impressive. True. But this is it's a bad it's a bad one. It's it's it's a bad one.
Correct. And if you had just put the last Super Bowl on regular turf, then Mahomes would be even more of a Kyle Shanahan merchant.
You guys do have a pretty... Do you have a lot of free agents? Yeah, we're going to lose a lot of guys. Oh, you are?
Yes.
Yeah. There was one that I saw that he, like, throat punched a guy. Yeah, he was bodying Chris Jones. Yeah. Yeah, he was an animal. He just put him out on an island, too. He never had help. The Eagles were just that much better than the Chiefs. Did you see Kenny Pickett? No.
Yeah, at the party.
That would have been cool.
Oh, I do want to hear about that, but I just want to defend Big Dom for a second because I've seen this narrative being thrown around that he's like hunting for the camera. It's his literal job to be next to Nick Sirianni after a game. Like if you are upset that Nick Sirianni is getting a picture taken and Big Dom happens to be behind him, he's not looking for the camera. He's doing his job.
That is his job. Shout out Big Dom. Go ahead. Swifties.
And I think Travis Kelsey's ex-girlfriend might have been there.
That's nasty.
That's what they do. They do. But that was their first big loss. Yeah. It was huge.
He did. He did look old. He is old.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the Chiefs just overall just looked bad. There was nothing. Andy Reid might retire. Chiefs run defense was pretty much all you could say was good.
Talent-wise. By the way, just a side note. Shout out that one guy who posted a video of him pinning Saquon Barkley in sixth grade wrestling. Never let go of that. That was so good. Saquon won a Super Bowl birthday. He's like, hey, check out this time.
Yeah. He found a way to get out of every single one of their losses.
And Patrick Mahomes is probably going to use his revenge and get way better and win another one. Right in everyone's face. Oh, you think he's totally done?
Yeah, you actually think Patrick Mahomes is done. We went along with the joke.
Wait, but when you did the wash thing on Sunday night, we were going along with the joke. He is going to win another Super Bowl. Maybe. Okay. All right. So he thinks no.
How many Super Bowls is he going to go to for the rest of his career?
Okay. So would you bet that he'll be back to at least two?
I'd probably take no.
Even though he's been to five out of the last seven.
Okay.
Yeah, he was very bad. Do you think, Max, is there anything to be said that Carson Wentz is your good luck charm because the Eagles have two Super Bowls when Carson Wentz is on the sidelines? Great point. You need to find him an AFC team next year that will be in the Super Bowl and just have him out there. You're undefeated in the Super Bowls when Carson Wentz is a backup somewhere.
He also kind of didn't... I reviewed the tape, kind of shaded Jalen Hurts after the Super Bowl. I couldn't fully understand if it was he never saw him, but Jalen Hurts was kind of looking to give him a high five, and Carson Wentz was walking in the opposite direction. Interesting.
He might be the good luck charm. Yeah, and also Tom Brady was there for both the Patrick Mahomes Super Bowl losses. Yeah. I'm so happy for Tom. Review the tape. All right, so here's Jalen Hurts and Mahomes. The Jalen Hurts goes towards Carson Wentz, and Carson Wentz is like, nah. Nah. Nah. I don't know. I just like the penance. I like the idea of that. I just like the narrative.
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There's so many people in between them.
You just need to know him in your city. Yeah. Hey, Jalen, that should have been me.
That would be awesome if you would.
And shout out Jalen Hurts. Incredible story.
Right now. And I'm ranking it if a team called, would they do like salaries out, take salaries out, would the team do a one-for-one trade? I'd probably rank him...
You're number one on the clock.
I would probably, no, if you just do quarterbacks.
Today is Wednesday, February 12th.
Do you want to do a draft right now? I would probably make him fourth or fifth. Does that sound fair?
It's a combination of Mahomes, Allen, Burrow, maybe Lamar, because obviously the playoffs, he hasn't been good, and then Jalen Hurts. Like, he's somewhere in there. I think Mahomes and Allen are first. First two. You would agree. I think, yeah. Like, Josh Allen and... Hertz is above Lamar.
It's a mystery.
It's a compliment. Six is high. There was a nice straight... Hank just saying, Alan is number one. You are... It's... Mahomes should retire. Yeah, stop hating. DeAndre Hopkins retired. By the way, tough way for DeAndre Hopkins to go out complaining about the refs and then be like, I'm retired.
I think you got Adam Scheffler. Oh, okay. I just saw DeAndre Hopkins retired, so yeah, I guess I got Adam Scheffler. He did not retire? Oh, there it is. Yep, that's fake. I got caught. All right, so he hasn't retired. He might retire. He should retire. Oh, yeah. Have you seen Jerry's trying to get Aaron Rodgers to the Steelers? Yep. Hard. Rodgie. Hard. Rodgie. Okay.
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Monday night, I ate a bunch of Girl Scout cookies, and I re-watched the Super Bowl. That's pretty good. It was on TV. I was just like, I need something to watch, and I just turned it on. I was like, I guess I'll just watch this again.
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Well, Max, I think Jalen Hurts going to Disney World, like flying private there, cutting every single line, getting to do some roller coasters and going home is not that bad. Max, yeah, if we had sent Max, maybe it's sent Max and like my kids. And then like Max, you have to go and take my three kids to Disney World.
Look at the Tron ride. How sick does that look? Oh, that is sick. Yeah. You're like sitting forward. I want to do the Tron ride. Yeah.
Yeah.
I miss him. I miss him so much.
I tease this at the end of the gambling stream, but I think I successfully talked John Gruden into coming for the first two days of March Madness, which I'm already just so pumped for. I was like, do you watch college ball? He's like, yeah, I like any sports. I was like, do you want to come gamble with us for two days? He's like, I'd be into that. Fuck yes.
That's kind of hurtful, isn't it? What? Hank has never considered trying to be better for us. Yeah, it's true. For this show, for us. You guys are like me. What do you mean? I want to stay sharp for PFT. You think we're lethargic? No, but we go hard. Damn. Yeah, but I prep for this show and get ready for this show knowing that PFT is going to do the same. Your motivation is being mean to me.
Yes, Luca. Everyone's ready for Luca. Shout out LeBron for letting Luca be announced last. You see that story? LeBron had it. He texted Luca and said, hey, you know what? I'm going to let you get introduced last. And then Luca was like, thank you so much, but you'll go last after this. I'm just going to do tonight. And we now have everyone breaking down Luca's smiles.
No, no, no, but I want to bring my A game because I know PFT will bring his. Excellence brings out excellence. You have never once thought I want to. Not for the show. I'm talking about in life. Yeah, but this show is our life.
It's okay. We just can't bring out of you what Missoula and Gruden did. It's fine. It just hurts. I just said it was hurtful.
That was when we were having a tight end debate on Barstool Radio and Crude was like, Gronk broke someone's face. And I was like, what? He did? I think he did. I think he's like, he broke his neck in half. Kyle Vandenbosch?
Did you need Gruden or Joe Mazzulla to tell you to do that? I did it all on my own. Wow.
That's how you feel good about yourself. Love that about you.
Jack McCarthy's going to enough John Summit for all of us in this room. Embrace debate.
All right, your cool drone? That was your cool drone.
Yeah.
The Cubs are the first to report.
Yep.
There's a lot of tweets being like, look at Luca's smile.
Yeah.
I think pitchers and catchers have got to get a nice jump start. Just being weirdos down there? Yeah, just warming up their arms. Long toss.
And then I think they just do, like, plays to first pitcher. Yeah.
Yes.
He probably does, but he's one of those guys that looks in shape, but he probably doesn't have any of the skills that he once had. Yeah. Like, he looks ripped. It's kind of like a T.O. Remember when T.O., 10 years after, was still ripped? And then he would run a 40 and be like, oh, yeah, that's the difference. The speed's not there anymore.
Blake Griffin says no.
Awesome. Five fouls. Awesome commercial. Red Lobster commercial. You see him dunking? Yeah. He's dunking everything.
Like instantly.
Yeah, KD was not so happy about everything.
Yes, yes. um okay uh my hot seat is glenn taylor because a rod and and mark lori have become official governors or they at least won the arbitration to be governors wait what does it say lay off the burgers windy 35 minutes ago that's oh Oh, Dwight Howard said lay off the burgers, Wendy.
Me.
Oh, Boogie? Yeah. Boogie could definitely get back out there. Zach Randolph? I saw Zach Randolph. No. The... Lay off the burgers, Wendy.
Right, but then we follow that.
Yeah.
That's true. We're just going to do that all the time. I think so. Either way, A-Rod and Mark Lurie, official governors of the Timberwolves, also hot seat court storming because now the football's over. We're just going to have this debate at any point. Did you guys see Vanderbilt actually doing a new rule? Would they do a minute timeout after the game? So lame. Wait, what do you mean? They pause.
They basically, if Vandy has a big upset at home, they pause everything for a minute after the game ends, and then the kids are allowed to storm the court.
Yes.
It's Tim Wood's double consent.
Yeah. Yeah. So and then my cool throne is Lane Kiffin because he's just embracing the fact that his daughter's hot. I don't know if you guys saw, but he just tweeted out an article. Lane Kiffin's daughter Landry slays tiny shoestring crop top standing next to dad. He tweeted the article. So shout out Lane Kiffin. Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's reversed. He's just got to fit out now.
Yeah, you'd just be like, hey, here it is. Oh, Max, I got a stat for you that I'm looking at my bookmarks right now. You ready for this one? You'll like this one.
If Nick Sirianni goes 6-11 and misses the playoffs for the next four years in a row, he will have just as many wins, just as many playoff appearances, just as many Super Bowl appearances, and one more Super Bowl title in his first eight years than Kyle Shanahan has in his. Look at that.
Is he saying that he's out of fit, like out of shape? He is out of shape. It's just a lot of people being like, Luka looks so happy. He's never been happier. He's never smiled before. Luka's smiling on the bench after the first time out. That's probably because he's sitting. And it's painful for him to stand because he's so out of shape.
I said it to you. I know.
Yeah. But you have to save it for next year, right? I know. Would you put it on for a Phillies run? No, you can't. It's got to be just birds, right?
He's a winner now.
No, they were fake. He texted us being like, I'm making him do a bunch of fake ads.
You can listen to Monday's part of my take when we say it on air. And then we played the ads.
Got it.
Very funny.
Okay, let's get to our interviews. We've got Adam Silver, and then we have Joe Burrow. Okay, before we get to Adam Silver, we're brought to you by our friends at Morgan & Morgan. There's a reason why coffee is the first thing people reach for in the morning, just like there's a reason why Morgan & Morgan is America's largest injury law firm.
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We're also brought to you by our friends at Tax Act. It is tax season. Henry, how are we feeling about tax season? The IRS is now open and accepting returns. Tax season is officially here. So how are you feeling?
Lack of aura. But yeah, Luka and LeBron, they're officially a go. Look at that smile. It's so insane how many people... So many people talking about Luka's smile.
Get involved.
Memes, you're doing your taxes on Tax Act. How are you feeling? Feeling great. Feeling locked in. You got it locked in? Locked in. Locked down. Locked in.
Love that. Okay, so go check out Tax Act now. It is tax season. Don't stress when you have Tax Act. That was good. Go get them. That was good. Your mic's still on, Max. That's okay. Go check out Tax Act now. All right, here he is, Commissioner Adam Silver. Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest.
It is NBA Commissioner Adam Silver ahead of the NBA All-Star Game weekend in San Francisco. Mr. Commissioner, should we call you Mr. Commissioner? We've never had a commissioner on before. Paul Rabel. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Second commissioner. Yeah, I know, Paul. Adam, please. OK, so, Adam, thank you so much for joining us. I have to ask because we were very excited for this interview.
What was the sell process for you to come on this show? Was it did someone have to tell you like, hey, these guys actually aren't the worst because I can't believe you're on. We're excited to interview you.
I appreciate it.
Yeah.
Yeah. That helps. All right, so All-Star weekend. How are we feeling going into All-Star weekend? I know you have tried to tinker with the All-Star game to make it better for fans. How do we feel going into this one?
Yeah, listen, he finally will get to play in the playoffs this year. Yeah. Wait a second. Also, did you guys see in Dallas? They finally started, so I think it was their second home game since the trade. They started letting fans actually be on the Jumbotron again, and then a fan got kicked out. They were doing like a sing-along portion, and they went to this guy.
Yeah. I got a really dumb question for you, but we're not the smartest guys. What... What exactly does a commissioner do day-to-day? What does your job look like day-to-day? Because I just would imagine it's just like watching the games and then waiting for someone to text you being like, we got a problem.
He was fake holding a microphone, and he was singing, and then he just looked dead into the camera. He just said, fuck Nico.
What's the dumbest idea that has gone from, okay, that's a dumb idea to like, all right, we should actually think about this. Maybe it never even happened, but you at least paused and said, hey, just look at this for a second.
They're contesting the Mark Williams physical, so there's still a chance that Dalton Connects... But they're also saying, oh, the Hornets wanted to trade for you.
Here I go. I fell for it the second time. Listen, just throwing this out there, like in baseball, every park is different. You know, the Yankee Stadium, they got the short porch. Have you thought about home teams getting to decide their own dimensions? So, like, you go to Detroit and they've got eight-foot rims.
You go to play the Warriors, and they've extended their three-point line by three feet. So every game is different. It's like, oh, we've got to go play here. They're playing on 14-foot rims.
By the way, I just want to correct one thing. Technically, you have thought about changing the rims because we literally were just discussing it. So we'll put that out there. We incepted you. You have technically thought of it just through this conversation. Fair point. We got you there. Yeah.
Did you at least text like a, are you sure?
Actually. Yeah.
Yeah. Mark Cuban was the woman when, when Trump in 2016. Yeah.
Okay, so we shouldn't come to Adam Silver for grading of trades because we like to, in sports media, like to just grade trades instantly and say that we're right and we know the future. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. You mentioned David Stern. I didn't realize this, but you got into the NBA by writing a letter to a bunch of different people asking for advice. And David Stern was one of those people who actually responded. Is that true? Because that's a very cool story.
And they told him he didn't agree. Signed Jalen Brunson too.
But in defense of us, Mark, Luka, he doesn't want it enough like a guy like Shaq. Right. Yeah. So that's what's going on here. Did you guys see? Turns out the boycotters of the Super Bowl were...
On today's part of my take, Life Without Football, we have all the boys back. Max is back in studio. We've got two great interviews for you. NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. We've never interviewed a commissioner, a sitting commissioner before. Very cool. And then we have our good friend Joe Burrow, who we interviewed at the end of Super Bowl week. We are going to talk a little Super Bowl fallout.
not great because it hit a record 126 million views now they've changed how they've yeah football's back nice job football's back they have changed how they uh determine it i think they're just counting everything now uh but still for all the people who are like i'm not watching this uh you kind of got left out what what what what hank say it it's a podcast
Have you thought about maybe making the standard not perfection? And I say that in that I think you've talked about this before. The review system, games slow down at the end. It's a really hard watch for people, and we want to watch the action. What about just doing a week where there's no reviews? And every team knows it, and it's like, hey, we're not doing any instant replay.
We're not doing any reviews. The call on the court stands, and just see how the game flow goes.
Yeah, just think about no review week. It'd be a whole event. We could just be like, hey, it's no review week.
Yeah, this is kind of a fun thing.
So we boycotted the right thing.
All right, so I got one last question for you. This has been so much fun, NBA All-Star Weekend this weekend. My last question is a Roback question, r-h-o-b-a-c-k.com, promo code TAKE. 20% off your first purchase, Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, roback.com, promo code TAKE. I have to pitch you my one idea that I've had for many years, and you've got to think about it.
Yes. Max. Max is back. Max. Our conquering hero, Max Salente, world champion. Max, how are you feeling?
And I don't need credit for it when you actually enact it. So there's obviously been issues at times with fans getting a little unruly sometimes, maybe talking too much to the players, that whole experience. My rule is very simple. Every single player, when the season starts, gets one chance to call out any fan they want, and they just get to beat the fuck out of them in the middle of the court.
And once they use it, they can't use it again for the rest of the year. Thoughts on that rule?
Okay, but listen, no, you're not seeing the vision. When you see Kevin Durant and you decide to say something really mean to him, you're like, wait, does he have his one fight a fan left this year?
Mr. Commissioner, think about the ratings. They're like, oh, my God, we're going to Sacramento, and, you know, DeMar DeRozan has called out someone from the 10th row, and they're about to fight in the middle of the—they're stopping the game to fight.
So that's also part of it.
Like, you call out someone with cauliflower ears, and you might have been asking for too much. Are you making fun of my ears? No, you don't have cauliflower ears. But I have made fun of your ears in the past. I'm sorry. I apologize. Long time listener. Well, yeah, you can listen to anything. Sorry. You put that for me. Sorry.
We had a lot more dumb ideas that maybe next time you come on, we can pitch you because I know that we had a ton of them. So maybe we'll just do an entire podcast where we give you the dumbest ideas. All right.
I did have a fix for the All-Star weekend. It was just in line with the LeBron-Bronny thing that the winning team gets automatically their firstborn gets a one-year contract in the NBA. That's a good idea, too. That's a pretty good idea.
Okay. Okay. Very hungover. How was the flight back? Were you surrounded by Chiefs fans?
guy. Yes, there you go. All right, well, Commissioner, thank you so much. We really appreciate it. Hopefully you enjoyed this, and we can have you on again. And like I said, we'll do a special episode where we just give you the 100 dumbest ideas we've ever thought of. And when you think about them, everyone's going to be like, Adam Silver's thinking about this.
Because you are thinking about the fight a fan rule. You have technically thought of it.
Yes. All right, thanks so much. Good luck this weekend at All-Star Weekend.
Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is our good friend, Joe Burrow, who should be the MVP this year, but he's here promoting the FedEx Air and Ground NFL Player of the Year where you are a nominee. Joe, good to see you. This is the first time we've all been together in New Orleans since you won the national championship. I'm sorry. It's good to see you somewhat sober right now.
Yeah, that's comfort plus for all the people listening at home.
Yeah, I feel great right now. I couldn't say the same five years ago. Yeah, but you are a nominee for FedEx Air and Ground NFL Player of the Year. I'll confidently say I feel like you reminded everyone about Joe Burrow because we had that conversation in June that people forgot about Joe Burrow. I don't think people forget about Joe Burrow anymore.
Were you in the zone at all this year? Because it feels like you were. There was that – I want to call it like five, six, seven game stretch where it was just like write it down, 275, three touchdowns every single week.
Yeah, because you could kind of tell. I don't want to say it was on easy mode for you, but you could tell me if you ever felt like that. Maybe it's a better way to say it is. It felt like you saw everything so perfectly for that stretch.
Wait, aloe, is that the place in California with the saunas and stuff? Correct. Yeah, they don't let guys like us in there.
Oh, no way. They would just be like, can you just wait at the car? I see those videos. It's just all hot people. I mean, maybe. Yeah. You just confirmed that. In a nice way, you confirmed that.
Yeah. Yes, please. That was not for us. Do you regret any of your fits this year? The Ellen DeGeneres one. Which one was that? It was the pink shirt with the white vest and the white pants. That one wasn't my best. Okay. Okay, all right, good. All right, I feel good because I was nervous about asking about it, but that one you got roasted.
Now, we've always wondered, when you wear a fit like that and then you lose, you go straight to sweats right after, right? Or do you go back into the fit?
Yeah, I actually respected that. I think you should have like a – maybe you should have like a clown suit if you lose. You actually put on a clown costume.
Kind of deflects it away from you, yeah.
yeah that motherfucker's not real so uh tell us about sunday night after we after we left you after you did a bunch of shoeies uh you went out you partied you're with the team i was with the team that's incredible big dom absolutely hooked it up we got into the section with like the players and their friends and family and stuff so that was cool
Minus Ellen DeGeneres. I don't think she dresses great.
Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me. What are you doing right now? Listen, my stylus is like the same four pop-up ads I get on Instagram. And then I buy it and I'm like, oh shit, I already have this shirt.
Yeah.
I just look at like one flannel shirt in early October and then the rest of the winter, I'm just buying flannel shirts.
Yeah. No, but it's the pop-ups. I just buy the pop-ups.
Oh, shit, I don't have this one. It looks exactly like the other one.
So this season was obviously disappointing for you guys, but how is it like when you're – When you get into a season and you're playing great, but the team is losing, trying to figure out what's that like in the locker room? The defense went through some struggles, started playing well at the end. Is it awkward? Is it hard? I don't really understand the dynamic and how it works.
QB skills competition we did last night. We just spent the last two hours just sitting in this room, just finger pointing. Yeah. That's hilarious. You can't do that in the pros.
If you said to your huddle, you're like, hey, I got us, guys. Let's go on a drive. And then you went three for 57. What do you think they would say?
Yeah, that's a good point. Trust. You said something in Pro Bowl week. Your wrist is still a little funky?
So, yeah, he is going for 7K. He's going for 7K.
Have you thought about maybe telling Coach Taylor, like I've been thinking about it a lot for the Bengals specifically, like a hypnotist comes in and convinces the whole locker room that week one is actually week four and you've already started 0-3.
Yeah, right? Because –
Yeah, the urgency, because I've... I have a computer that does power rankings every week, and it never gave up on the Bengals because I was just like, well, Joe Burrow's there, and they're going to figure it out. And it was close. It was close. You guys came so close.
What names were in that section? And also give us names of people who maybe came up to you instead of you going up to them.
Yeah, the four and eight, every week was just like shit.
All right, so we need a hypnotist or something.
You're running – I feel like you had a couple big runs this year. Whenever you get out in the open field, you're like, oh, fuck, I made a mistake. Me? Yeah, I'm about to get lit up. Is that the Bills this year?
That's just guys being dudes where I just cross people off.
Whoa.
If you went snake, if you added one more snake, I've been like, oh, this isn't funny anymore.
Yeah. Wait, what was your lizard's name?
Okay, that's a good name. That's solid. Smart, yeah.
They do like to be in your face. That is true. Just do your own thing for a little bit.
Yeah, for sure. I know you're going to be asked this a lot because obviously T Higgins is a free agent and they're going to be like, Hey Joe, will you take a restructure of your deal? I'm not going to ask if you're going to restructure your deal. I'm going to actually ask, what does that mean? Restructuring a deal. Can you explain it to us? Like we're five.
And which one were you going to do?
That's on the team.
Restructuring, you don't take any less money, right?
It is a weird situation, though, that you're in because I think that's just part of what happens with quarterbacks where it's like there's a little more pressure on them where they have the biggest deal. So if they want to get flexibility, a lot of times it comes down to the quarterback to have to be the guy who has to step up and do that.
Cap's going up. The cap's going up. Okay, we got to just keep saying cap's going up.
T. Higgins.
It'll probably be similar. You've looked at this. You've definitely crunched. You've definitely, like, been laying in bed late at night just looking at, like, a spreadsheet being like, okay, all right, cap's going up.
No, that that never gets old. That never stops to like that never ceases to blow my mind. When we were when we interviewed Lane Johnson, Cam Juergens was like, oh, what's up, big cat? As we were walking in the hallway, I was like, oh, shit, that's fucking cool. You're about to go play in a Super Bowl. So who else did you talk to? Did you see Nick Sirianni?
Yeah, I mean, the Saints have just pretended it doesn't exist for a while now.
And the Shohei contract, it's like $700 million, but he just gets $2 million deferred. Yeah, we'll pay you in like 50 years. Which is insane. I don't understand any of that.
What is this? We were joking at the time. It would be so funny if it, like, all happened and Shohei was like Kaiser Soze and he just had, like, a New Jersey accent and just, like, started talking in perfect English. And it's like, I've been playing all you fuckers.
Max's night with the Eagles. Hot sequel thrown. Fire Fest. And then we're going on vacation and we'll have Dungeons & Dragons for you on Friday. And we're brought to you by our friends at DraftKings. Hey, basketball fans, you ready to win real money? Check out Pick 6 from DraftKings when it comes to basketball payouts. DraftKingsPick6.com. dunks on its rivals, including prize picks.
All right. So I know you got a rungs. You got a bunch of stuff going on today. But I got one last question. Roback question. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Promo code TAKE. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. Promo code TAKE. So I know you're doing a bunch of interviews today. I also know you're not really big on social media.
So I just wanted to give you – I'm just giving you something that I saw because I was literally – Name searching Joe Burrow before you came on to see if there's anything that was going on in the last two days. This is just from a random person. It's a clip of you at the Pro Bowl. It says, I need him in ways that would set feminism back 100 years.
I think it's a woman who thinks you're very attractive. So just take that with you. Just take that with you. That's just like a little, you know, pump up the ego. Nice little confidence booster. He did it in ways that would set feminism back a hundred years.
Yeah.
Cause all men suck.
So there you go. Take those with you.
Yeah, no, they weren't. That wasn't, it was a real back statement. Nice. All right. Well, great seeing you, Joe. Thanks so much, man. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it.
Okay, we're going to do some guys on chicks real quick, and then we're going to finish off with Firefest because this is the end of the week for us. We have Dungeons and Dragons coming Friday for the people. Hank, guys on chicks.
Montoya. He's going through hell. He went through it again.
Talking? No, no, no. Yeah, we know that whole thing. You're now – Coaching? We didn't go to this party with you. You know that.
Well, it's Temptation Island, Spanish version. And Montoya, for anyone who hasn't followed, he has the worst ROI of all time on a lap dance because he got a lap dance. And then his girlfriend on the other island decided to just spend the next week fucking this random guy, getting the bongos played on her ass. And Montoya has to watch all of this happen. And he's just... I mean, credit to Montoya.
He is... He's great on camera. He just... Basically, imagine if you're... How long has this relationship been going? Montoya's basically... If you were watching the World Cup and a player just lost in a terrible, terrible way, and you know how soccer players are usually very animated? That's Montoya every episode watching his girlfriend get smoked.
Cash. My answer's always cash.
Okay, counterpoint.
Counterpoint, cash. You can buy whatever you want with cash. Even if you have a joint bank account, no one has ever gotten the gift of cash and been like, ew, no. Have you ever been like that with a gift card, though?
It's still awesome to get cash even if you have a joint account.
Also, video games by nature, we've all been trapped in one, you know, been obsessed with one. When you remove yourself from it, you do realize you did nothing. So I think they're seeing it from that angle where they're looking at it and being like, you just spent six hours and in your head when you're in it. Yeah, I'm squatting up with the boys. I got it. You know, we're going on missions.
This is fun or I'm finishing my dynasty like I'm accomplishing something from the outside. They're like, you've done nothing.
Okay. That's good. I don't like that from Hank at all. Hank didn't like the song choice.
Why don't you talk to me like you talk to your boys?
That kind of stuff.
Probably not, though. Try. I don't know. There's something about it. We're wired a certain way that when we start a game, you just got to finish it. You just got to finish it.
And the problem is, I don't know. You guys might be different, but my relationship with video games has always been if I have a game, I'm obsessed, obsessed with it for like a two to three week stretch. And that's all I think about.
And I could see how that would be annoying on the outside where it's like you're at dinner having a conversation and all you're thinking about like is I got to get a four-star linebacker for my team.
Oh, yeah.
What?
Yeah. Like, they don't give a fuck. Also, if we're being honest, Kelsey was kind of playing like a PAB. For sure. Like, that's just a fact. The Chiefs didn't play well, right, Max? Yeah. Yeah, little boy ass play. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, try that out next time.
Okay.
Little boy ass play. Little boy ass play.
I can't believe you tweeted that out. So good. So good. Okay, Firefest time because we are going on vacation. So Friday we have our Dungeons & Dragons episode. Monday we will have about 20 minutes of us on Zoom catching up on the weekend and then an NBA preview with Ryan Rosillo. Then we will all be back together for Wednesday's show. So we're not missing any shows.
Oh, nice. All right. And then who else? Who else did you talk to? Did you take pictures with anyone?
We'll just have a little bit of a different schedule for the next few episodes. So Firefest, Hank.
Okay, I feel bad for you.
I took no pictures.
Wait, what? Say it again.
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. The six rounds?
It's good because you're in the content game and it's better if we just don't have any pictures.
That's a shame.
It's bros helping bros.
Well, we can't get him fired up. We can help him, but we can never get him fired up.
Will you get tased this weekend, Hank? Listen, it's okay. We're not Missoula and Gruden. No, you're not.
Yeah, I completely memory hold the fact because that feels like it happened 10 years ago.
How is time working out in your brain right now, Max? Can't be going well. No, I'm cooked.
All right, my fire fest. I actually, the body beat done. I knew this was going to happen, but like clockwork, we turned 40 and now I'm just starting to get random injuries. I just got like a tennis elbow in my left arm, which I don't have. I don't play tennis.
or golf and i'm a righty and then my right arm i've had a broken pinky for three months and super bowl week just demolished me because i was shaking hands and every time i was like fuck this hurts um but i'm gonna i think i'm gonna get in shape and i i have a announcement for you guys you ready for this yeah i think i'm gonna dunk No way.
Okay. But you were a million and one pictures.
How tall are you? 6'3".
I think I'm going to dunk. I think I'm going to dunk.
I don't know when I'm going to dunk. I'm not going to put a time on it or a bet on it, but I think I'm just going to dunk. Good. Good luck. Thank you.
You sound like you're supportive, Hank.
Wow.
You tried to dunk?
I don't even remember it because you were so far away from it.
No, I was fucking close. You were not close. I was close. You were not close. I was close. You were not close. You touched the rim. You were not close to dunking.
We'll see. I'm not going to put any pressure on myself. I'm just going to try.
All right. I'm going to try to dunk.
Get fatter?
Yeah, which you definitely don't... I mean, you're not really doing a good job with your words.
Yeah. Well, you got PFT. You want to dunk with me?
Yeah.
I am as well. Are you also? I'm going to get at least two or three more. I'm just going to say fuck it. They're not going to be crazy big or anything. I'm just, I don't know. We're just going to do our midlife crisis with tattoos. Yeah, speed running. Which is like kind of badass by us where it's like we just became a tattoo podcast out of nowhere. Mm-hmm.
I feel like I just see like Chris Long and I'm like, that's what a real podcast host looks like. Yeah.
Well, yeah, I'm going to get another one as well. So maybe we link up, get them together. Maybe we get matching ones.
Okay.
Yeah. A lot of stuff. I'm excited for that. I want to get on that flight simulator.
Yeah. Okay. Numbers and get ready for Dungeons and Dragons on Friday.
94.
Okay, love it.
Funny Chris O'Connor side note. He was texting me throughout the Super Bowl demanding that I ask John Gruden why the Eagles wouldn't do a play-action play and throw it over the top. He literally would be like, can you ask Gruden? I think my first reply was, ha-ha, I will. And he's like, no, I'm dead serious. Ask him right now. And he just kept on texting me like, it's open, it's open.
And then they hit the Devontae Smith touchdown. He's like, see, it's open. He was just obsessed with it. Hit him over the top.
Nah. I want these guys to be friends with me for life. I bet you Nick Sirianni's like, who is that fucking dude in the booth that didn't ask for a picture?
And in 10 years, you're going to be like, Yeah, I kind of wish I had a picture of that. Yeah, Jalen Hurts was also there. You know what? The beauty is, wait, I want to hear about Jalen Hurts, but the beauty is memes. I would like you, for the next day, find every picture that Nick Sirianni took with someone and just do the Max face. So that way we have a bunch of pictures of Max with Sirianni.
Every single one. All right, so Jalen Hurts was there. Did you talk to him?
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Are they not playing Monday night?
Yeah, 10 days.
Do you think Adam Silver watches games on TV? A commissioner should watch the games on TV. I think he just goes to them. You probably go to them, but in order to really get the flow and the feeling of a series, you should be watching them on TV because you would know we can't have a three-day gap when games are played. I was looking forward to watching this.
With James Harden.
And James Harden is just doing his thing, losing game seven. James Harden was the sixth man on that team, though, wasn't he? Yeah. So it wasn't like they were counting on him for anything.
That's why they were able to get to the finals. Yeah.
I'm reading a report right now.
Per Jared Greenberg, Garland's toe sprain is a significant concern for the Cavs.
If this was the regular season, Garland would have been shut down for at least one to two weeks. Oh, boy.
Okay. I love it. I love it, Hank. Talk that shit, Hank. Are you nervous about the Knicks?
Game one, Monday night, at the Beck Gala, Mr. Bing Bong is going to be in your face.
Not worried about the Knicks.
Wait, so why are they saying PJ's not on the tree?
So he got rehabilitated by POP.
But that's technically not his tree. Steve Sarkeesian could be a Nick Saban coaching tree guy. Right.
After he got choked. Him and Harden, big choke guys.
And then when they cut down Pop's tree, then now his tree has more sunlight.
It always makes me laugh, too, to see everyone get super dressed up to go to the Derby, knowing that they now have to deal with some of the mud.
On all their shoes, their clothes. That's always a nice twist. Every single horse in this race was a descendant of Secretary. Did you know that? I did.
I don't know how many greats are involved.
Do they save it? I was thinking about that too.
What you should do if you have a horse that wins the Kentucky Derby, you need to jack that horse off like six times a day and then freeze all the sperm. And then that way, because I feel like if you could get just a direct pregnancy from Secretariat right now, that'd be worth way more, right? Than just getting like his great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson's sperm.
Yeah. And then every time you move, you have to move the industrial strength freezer. And then the moving guy is like, what is this giant thing that you've got in your basement? Oh, that's horse cum.
Yeah, that'd be worth a shitload of money right now.
I'll say this. Sandman took my breath away when Sandman walked across the street. Yes. That is a good-looking horse. Yes. The gray, very spooky-looking, like a ghost.
Yeah. Well, this is a nice picture of them on it. Oh, yeah, that is a massive height difference.
They've got a great picture of him carrying her. Yeah. It's like, don't do that, man. You're going to blow your back out.
Whippy's a freak, yeah.
Did you guys know that a human can beat a horse in a long-distance race? I believe it. In like a 26-miler, there's a race that they do every year over in England somewhere. It's man versus horse, and man wins like 20% of the time. That's crazy. Yeah. They're not built for distance like us.
Yeah, someone's riding a horse. Yeah, so I guess that does... I think someone's riding it, but that would throw a little wrench into it where it's like, yeah, it's not just the horse. They're also pulling a human.
But still, fuck horses, we're faster.
He actually did kind of do it in October last year. Yeah. It wasn't his fault.
That's a valid point. I think that's one thing that would get America way back into baseball. It's like you remember the McGuire Association. Hitting 400? Hitting 400. If we're on 400 watch in August – People are going to be watching baseball again.
What are the minimum? Okay, 502 plate appearances to qualify for a batting title.
So I assume that's when a 400 would reach peak. How many plate appearances does Aaron Judge have this season? Let's see.
Okay, so about a quarter of the way there. Yeah. He should shut it down once he reaches that number. Yeah. That would make everybody so mad. That would make everyone so mad. If he gets his mysterious mid-season injury. Also. Technically 400.
The Razor?
Well, that's a valid complaint because the wind only blows on the Razor.
Big time back.
They've done it again. The Warriors are again skating by. They got into the play-in game, and then now they push it to game seven. I thought that this wasn't going to go seven. I thought it was going to be over in six. Credit to the Rockets for fighting. Yep. I do enjoy watching Van Viet play. I enjoy watching Shane. I'm a big-time Shane Goon fan.
Not even sniff. What I love about Hank is he's wearing his Sunday red right now because you played. You look like Tiger on Sunday. Thank you. Yeah. How'd you shoot?
Didn't Bryson have a really good back nine today, too?
Did you see that shot that he had of the bunker? It was a three iron out of the bunker on a par five that he stuck to like 10 feet. It's insane what he's doing. He's so good. Yep. He's so good.
Thank you. My who's back of the week is Alcatraz. Oh, Alcatraz is back, baby. They shut that fucking island down. And about 30 minutes ago, Donald Trump put out a press release, said for too long, America has been plagued by vicious, violent and repeat criminal offenders who never contribute anything other than misery of suffering.
That is why today I am directing the Bureau of Prisons, together with Department of Justice, FBI, and Homeland Security, to reopen a substantially enlarged and rebuilt Alcatraz to house America's most ruthless and violent offenders. Now, Alcatraz, the prison that's in the San Francisco Bay... Excuse me, are you talking about... I'm talking about The Rock.
This is what's most interesting to me about reopening Alcatraz is The Rock is back. And if you haven't seen The Rock, it might be the best movie ever made. Bruckheimer's joint. I think it actually. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. You're right. It might be the perfect movie. It is the perfect movie.
I'm a Gooner.
Sean Connery, Nick Cage, prisons. Terrorists. Terrorist planes. Weird biological weapons. Yeah, that look kind of delicious. Yes. When he disassembles the weapons and it's those like green glass balls with the poison inside. I just want to snack into one of those bad boys. It looks like a big Jolly Rancher. The Rock. The Rock. So yeah, Alcatraz is back. Fun fact about Alcatraz.
Did you know that it did not have a death row? I did not. Even though it was like, you know, for some of the most badass criminals, it wasn't like a place that they would execute you. But it sounds like they're going to enlarge it. They're enlarging Alcatraz. Okay. They might put in an electric chair or something there. I don't know. But yeah, Alcatraz the prison is back. That is pretty cool.
Okay.
Yeah, so here's what we're looking at from Bruckheimer in the mid-90s. This is an incredible run.
I'm not even going to start with Crimson Tide. Okay. I won't even mention Crimson Tide. That's actually just a good movie. That doesn't even... That's not really a Bruckheimer.
Okay, all right. That was his indie film. Listen to this three-movie run. Okay. Okay. We had The Rock.
The Rock, Con Air, and Armageddon.
The Rock, Con Air, Armageddon, Gone in 60 Seconds. Then we're looking at National Treasure.
Oh, shit, there's another big one that we left out. What? Big one. Kangaroo Jack. Oh, shit.
We got to talk to Jerry about it.
You probably thought, like, Jerry's going to be my new Nick Cage.
Are you nervous at all that ESPN, all 11 analysts, picked the Boston Celtics?
There's like a luxury tax implication that I don't understand, but I do understand that could be a problem.
No.
This afternoon I had a strange feeling, Big Cat, and I was thinking that I – I should be excited right now. There was something about the clock that I was like, I'm not as amped up as I need to be right now. What's missing in my life? I looked at the calendar. We are now exactly four months away from NFL Sundays. Love it. Four months from NFL Sundays. At the time, it was the witching hour. Yeah.
And I was missing. My life was missing the uncertainty, the impending doom, the excitement of the witching hour. Yeah. And we're so close to being back. So close to being back.
It's very weird. He's a humble guy of all time.
Yeah. He's definitely not. He's an awesome football player. I'm just pissed off that the Giants have him. But still very weird behavior to, on day one, go into your new company and be like, I want the numbers of the two most famous guys that everybody loves.
Pretty much sprained MCL. Sprained MCL. Doctor's never seen a knee like that before.
He's never missed any playoff games, but he would have missed a lot of playoff games had the series not ended. Correct. He's like the least healthy guy after the season's over.
Yeah, you get it.
You get a press release from a hospital that just operated on him. Be like, we have to notify you about this legally. He didn't want us to tell anybody, but you should just know because he's taking up five of our surgeons' time right now. We had to amputate his leg.
So with LeBron, it's interesting because the... The whole building in your narrative, your excuse after the fact is something he's done a couple times. But this is one case where I don't think anybody was on LeBron's ass about it. No. LeBron's ass was clean. He's 40. His ass was clean. Everybody was looking at Luka. Yeah. We were all talking about Luka is fat.
And then LeBron's like, oh, also, hey, guys, by the way.
By the way, my MCL is made of dog meat now.
Yeah, it was just a calendar invite. Yeah, if they accept it. It's it's weird. LeBron, I think he is like, yes, he flops and he embellishes things. But when it comes to playing games, he's tough. Like he's he's played through a lot of injuries before, but he always has to remind us that he's injured.
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they did that's exactly what they did they took it all the way to the end of game seven and then curry just exploded in the second half yeah and they went on a 12 to nothing run i believe all in the fourth quarter and that was kind of the end of that steph curry figured out three by the way for buddy healed now yes we have 40 seconds left he just hit another he's nine for 11 from three steph curry figured out okay yeah i can i can actually get to the hoop if we have our smaller lineup out there and steven adams what he scored he scored a bunch of points on uh on saturday right
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And now, here's Ryan Whitney.
Yeah, on Friday night. It was like him and Rudy Gobert. It's like these big guys can play offense too. Yeah, the size bothered them. And then eventually the Warriors figured out how to solve the two big lineup, which I feel like if this was seven years ago, they would have blown this Rockets team out. Oh, of course. The way that the old Warriors were engineered.
So it isn't just like this series. He's been noticeably different as a goalie in every playoff series he's ever played, right? I was seeing some stats that show there's a significant downturn once he gets there.
Yeah, so it gets to overtime. It gets to two overtimes. At what point do you as a player start to feel that same pressure? Because I feel like in that instance, the fans, when they're watching overtime hockey, Game 7, it's painful if you're a fan of those teams. Do you have that same feeling as a player on the ice where your butthole's super tight, you're sweating, you're nervous?
It's painful to play because one mistake is the end of your season? Are the players on the ice able to just focus and play like they normally do?
But it took them a little bit longer to figure out. Now we get Draymond Green and Rudy Gobert, as God intended. These two teams don't like each other. No love lost in this series. I'm glad that the Warriors continue to play. I am too. You need to appreciate the greatness that is the Golden State Warriors as long as you can. We don't know how much longer Curry's going to be around.
Yeah. What do you have to do to get called for a penalty in an overtime, especially like game seven overtime?
And do players adjust their style of play knowing that? Like, this ref is not going to call me for the ticky-tack shit.
So just enjoy watching them play.
Yeah, I agree. Guys should have little like razor blades under their gloves, like in WWE, like just give yourself a little nick. It's bleeding. That's four minutes in the box.
Yeah, and there were a lot of bangers. So looking ahead to Golden Knights and Oilers in the second round, this is a must win for your boys. You can't take a step back this year, right?
It was unreal. It was the craziest building I've ever been in my life. Nobody told me about it. I was completely unprepared for just how insane Montreal was going to be. But God damn it, do I respect them. Fuck them, but also I'll take my hat off because you guys are the loudest crowd I've ever heard in my life. Is Edmonton, is that the same vibe up there as it is in Montreal?
I thought they were cheering for penalties. I thought that there was a penalty call that I didn't see, and that's why the crowd was going nuts. But no, it was just like, I don't know, a 20-foot pass.
Yeah, when they're yelling at you in French, it sounds like a little bit polite, and then you realize what they said, and you're like, wow, these guys are fucking mean.
Draymond Gobert is going to be awesome. Yeah, Jalen Green might have James Harden's old locker, and there might be something that's still in that locker because in the big moments, he seemed like he just didn't want to play.
series where it was just they were just trading off like guys getting suspended for knocking another guy out and then the guy and then hagel came back and from injury and then knocked someone else or you know they're just going back and forth you got knocked out yeah so i think i think this is a real step but if the leafs win two more rounds in these playoffs they will then tie the buffalo sabers for the amount of playoff series victories since the year 2000
Isn't that crazy? Oh, my God.
And the Sabres have been real bad.
Yeah. It's pretty wild stuff. So the Panthers, you think they could bully the Leafs? Because you look at the Leafs as a self-admitted hockey casual. I look at especially their power play. I'm like, how do these guys not score seven goals a game? Yeah. But are they tough? Can they hold up to the Panthers?
So I respect you flip-flopping. You said that you're now picking the Capitals to beat the Hurricanes in the second round. I know Biz flip-flopped too. I want to say I respect your flip-flop. I don't respect Biz's because if he's right and the Caps win and the Leafs win, then he's going to flip back to picking against me in the next round. So look ahead. I don't want Biz's fake friendship.
I'll take your friendship. But I'm excited about this series because I feel like it's going to be maybe the best series out of all four, how these two teams match up.
Maybe have Sveshnikov try to run it back with Ovi. Go nine rounds with Ovi again.
Winnipeg wins.
Psycho, though. You don't want to fuck with a snake.
Yeah, watching this Caps team play all season long, it's made me feel things about the Caps I haven't felt since 2018. The way they play, and I think that a lot of it, there's like two guys. One guy that never gets any shine is Carlson on defense.
He's just been rock solid for like 12 years. He just checks in, checks out every day, doesn't fuck anything up. He's a great player. And then Strom. Dylan Strom has been playing as good as anybody in these playoffs. I forget how many games in a row he's had a point in. But what is it about a guy like that that is able – the game is like almost slowed down for him.
And it feels like he's just connecting everybody on offense. He makes that offense go.
We got Juicy J back there. Juicy J is like introducing our team.
There's also the rookie that we just called up, Ryan Leonard, the guy that basically went from, like, he was in college class in the morning, and then he played a game against the Bruins for the Capitals. I've been watching him play. I don't know how much of him you've seen, Witt, but my theory on him is this kid is really, really close. to being great. He's all over the place.
He's hitting people. He's on the puck all the time. I feel like if he gets put maybe on a different line, you might see him explode into being one of the great talents in the league in the not-so-distant future because he's so close to making all these great plays.
Correct. You can wear the Hakeem jerseys. Those would be awesome. You can't wear the bubble letter H-Town or whatever that was. It looked more like a Miami Heat jersey than it did a Houston Rockets jersey.
Okay. They immediately jump from five to one.
All right.
That's what happens to me whenever somebody breathes on me. Yeah. Like, that's a normal body reaction, I think.
Yeah. So Big Cat just had a kidney stone. I had one about a month ago.
Yeah. Somebody on part of my take is spitting a kidney stone out of their dick once a month. And that's our pattern that we're on. Is that upper or lower body injury? Also.
Yeah, you recharge. That's how we generate our energy on this show. Wait, I got a question for you. I need your advice on how to handle somebody online. So back in, I think it was December or January, I was tweeting about the caps and somebody replied, like, caps stink. They're not going to do anything. I'll bet you 500 bucks they don't make it out of the first round this year.
I said, OK, handshake emoji. This person replied, handshake emoji. To me, that constitutes a bet, right? Yep. Now, I'd forgotten about it. 100% does. And I checked the bookmarks, and I was like, oh, shit, I forget. I bet this guy 500 bucks, this random guy online. He then tries to welch out on the bet. And he's like, no, I'm not going to pay up.
And then I say, okay, tell you what, I'll even meet you halfway. Donate the $250 to charity, and then I'll match with $250 to charity on my own. And then he starts to claim that he's being harassed by people.
And he's like, I got people that are threatening to dox my family. Nobody's threatening to dox anybody's family. So then I told him, tell you what, I'll pay the full $500 to charity. You just have to change your bio to say I'm a loser that welches out on bets and nobody should take a word I say seriously for a year. He's gone radio silent since then.
I don't know what to do with this guy because if, listen, If you can't trust the integrity of a random person online with a fake account, I don't know what we're doing anymore. That was like, come on, man. You're ruining it for everybody else.
He said I was about to pay the $250 to charity, but then I had people threaten to doxx me, so now I'm not going to do it. But I was this close to doing it.
No, no. You've got to pay your bets. You have to pay your bets. He called you out. Yeah, he called me out. And then, listen, he is a serial caller out of other people. I've seen his history. This is what he does. And now he can't take it when he's wrong.
I did handshake emoji, and then he said handshake emoji. To me, in a court of law, that's a bet.
Yeah. Yep.
They are. Yeah.
You can get angrier when they lose. Yeah. It's like we're supposed to be the United States and we can't win this game.
Real quick, which of the warm-weather hockey cities would you consider to be the best hockey town?
But that's commitment. Is Oilers girl, is she still around?
He's like trying to make her a star. Instead of just hitting her up, be like, hey, what's your number?
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I think that our kidneys are just made of gravel at this point because they said that you had multiple ones, right? Yeah. I've got a couple again. I've got multiple. So it's going to rear its ugly head somewhere. Yeah. So, yeah, listen, life is what happens to me in between pissing rocks out of my urethra.
Thank you. Just hand me the papers. I'm out of here. Well, you know what you need by now. It's like you check in and you're like, I just need the tortle and I'll be out just real quick. When I went in last time.
Yeah, so I got the ultrasound on my scrotum when I went in there last time. That was very awkward to do. And they're like, yeah, congrats. It's a boy. This one, yeah, that is very awkward.
Yeah, you're not going to make any changes, really. What I've determined to do is at least think about ordering a salad every day. Having one salad a day is a pretty good compromise that you can make with yourself. But I tried doing that last week, and last week they dropped it off at the wrong door here at the office, so I thought that they just didn't drop it off. Right.
And so then I just had three Uncrustables for lunch. So, like, at the very, very smallest point of inconvenience, I will completely throw my dime out the window. Yeah, you'll fold. Yeah. Yeah, I have no resolve when it comes to that.
But listen, man, they probably told you the same thing, which is, and if you're a female listener, especially a listener who maybe has given birth before, please don't listen to this. But the doctors have told us that it's more painful than giving birth, which we'll never say. I will never say that publicly, just because I know that that will make some people very upset.
But they did tell me that it's more painful than giving birth.
We did discuss getting all of our kidney stones together, putting them in a little ball, and then engraving them, and then doing a little miniature lotto ball machine out of all the stones.
How much do you think a kidney stone, if we had like three of yours, two of mine, and we got them graded, and they were like condition eight out of ten, how much do you think five of those bad boys would run for? A good amount. Auction for charity.
Yeah. Sometimes with Jokic, it's like, you know, he's not the fastest all the time. Get up and down the court. Having a guy like Westbrook to like just go out there and go insane is actually a nice little boost for him.
The bottom line is there's something that both me and Big Cat do that is absolutely destroying our insides. It's podcasting. We're getting our guts rearranged by something.
So there's one person that Big Cat and I spend more time with than anybody else on earth. Who is that? Hank. Tell the truth. And Hank mysteriously has not received a single kidney stone.
See, if you go back in time, like when cavemen got kidney stones, they probably thought that they were dying. Oh, absolutely. Because that thought crosses your brain. They might have just died. Is this the big one? Yeah. Fortunately, I think, Big Cat, your stones are small enough where they don't have to shoot the laser beam up there.
You don't want to get up to the five.
Or a sign in the studio. It has been X amount of days since we've had a kidney stone on this podcast.
Max. Max, for sure. For sure. Yeah, it's not even really a question. You're active enough. You visit your 18 children.
I saw that one accuse you of it's like Barstool Sports is I respect them because they just hire a bunch of guys with gout.
Now, that is true to a certain extent.
We probably have a higher percentage of gout than BuzzFeed.
And Kidney Stones. Yeah. Yeah, so you got us there. But it's something interesting I noticed, too, when I had my stone, is that Kidney Stone quote tweets go viral. Oh, yeah. Like, five different guys went viral hating on me for making fun of Joel Embiid. Yeah. Yeah.
And listen, if you're looking for a cloud, if you're looking to put some numbers up, go searching for dudes with kidney stones because it'll certainly get you some engagement.
Yeah. Like before every series, get a new guy in there.
They just tee off on them. Donuts have nothing to do with Kitty Stones.
PFT, why don't you explain the new story? Okay, so the new story regarding Jordan, who we support. We love. She's a bad bitch. She's a boss lady. We stan. And yeah, people got to back off.
So apparently the latest thing is that not only did she get Hard Knocks allegedly taken away from UNC because she demanded to be listed as an executive producer, but apparently she also forced her way into the Dunkin' commercial with Ben Affleck.
But the real story here is... Real quick, before we get to the masterpiece that was painted by our good friend, Michael Porter Jr. apparently can't even put his jersey on or take his jersey off. Yes. So he has to have somebody that helps him do that. He's still playing hockey tough.
Oh. Dunkin' Super Bowl commercial. Those are expensive. They're very expensive. So she decided that she was going to be in it, and she was in it. She was fist pumping in the background next to Ben Affleck, next to Bill Belichick. Did she get paid? She did get paid. Oh. Yeah, she got paid to be in the commercial for sure.
But they said that she forced her way in and that they've never seen anything like it. I think that this is just mean, because if you work... Who's gay, too?
It does seem like piling on, because if you work in Hollywood and you work in big budget commercials, I'm sure that people force their way into commercials all the time.
She's putting up numbers like nobody else before. She's doing things that no one's ever seen. Here's the quote. She forced her way in, but Bill saw it as a way for her to get paid. Good boyfriend move by Bill.
People said they've never seen anything like it, the source said. So this is the source saying that people said they've never seen anything like it. So now we're dealing with two anonymous sources. Right. The anonymous source is quoting vague anonymous sources.
It was funny. He looks like, what's the guy from Bloodline and from Friday Night Lights, the coach? Taylor Rooks. Yeah. Hank, you met him. A little behind-the-scenes part of my take story. This is like maybe week two of doing part of my take. No, this was summer 2016.
Okay, so like month two of part of my take. And we were scraping the bottom of the barrel for guests because it was like every day me and Big Cat would have to DM somebody that followed us on Twitter to ask if they could be a guest on a new podcast. And so we were asking anybody that we remotely knew, do you want to come on this stupid show?
And then Hank, being a great producer, you ran into Coach Taylor.
That was cool to see him out there because I think a lot of people were questioning if he was going to play or how much he was going to play the series. And then this is a stat that I couldn't believe was real, but Jokic is the first player to average a triple-double in the regular season and win a playoff series.
I think he stunned you, too, didn't he? Didn't he say take the damn picture, son?
Well, I mean, I was just saying his stats. Calm down, R. Kelly. I think age does matter, too. Age does matter sometimes.
Yeah, yeah, overage. She's dating well overage, guys. She is an adult, and she was legally an adult when they met.
I also, now I'm wondering, like, every single time UNC football puts something out online on any social media, is she doing that? Is she running it? Probably. Is she admin? Probably. So, like, when you reply to UNC football on Instagram or on X, the everything app, is she reading those replies? If so, make sure, like, tell Jordan, like, great job.
Because she is doing a great job in terms of PR.
Yeah, had not done it.
All the 90s do, thanks to Pug. By the way, Pug, great job with PMTV last week, with Oldie's trip up to Canada. It was such a good video. You did a really good job. He said great job.
So I guess having really good players on your team can help you win playoff series.
And I don't think it's necessarily even an insult to say that to him. No. Because I actually believe that James Harden is like, I don't want to work anymore. Yeah. I'm going to get paid essentially the same if I get eliminated now or if I get eliminated in two weeks. Yeah. Yeah, there's the bonus that kicks in.
Some of those guys hook up the training staff to kick it around to some of the younger players or whatever. He doesn't really have any upside besides the glory of winning, which I don't think he necessarily cares that much about.
I get, I get paid nine to five punch the clock regular season. That's, that's, that's my work hours. Okay. So I know when my work is technically done for the summertime and I would rather be somewhere else. I just don't feel like working anymore. And in, in elimination games, uh, James Harden has been held under 20 points 12 times.
LeBron James in 29 career elimination games, guess how many times he's been held under 20 points? Probably none. Zero times. Yeah. Zero times. And if you look at his stats, like they go way down in game seven. Oh, yeah. It's like a measurable thing. And a lot of times it's not like he goes ice cold. He just doesn't shoot.
And I... Yeah, I don't... It just is who he is. His last five elimination games, and that includes game six, where he played really well. He's averaging 14 points per game in his last five elimination games.
Listen, it's strip club season, okay? James Harden, he gets paid the same amount of money if he's at game seven or if he's in the club.
It was a 24-4 run. Yeah. And 17 of those were unanswered by the Nuggets. And so it was like, okay, they just didn't show up for the entire second half. And the score even – the score did that game a disservice.
19-point win. Yeah. It didn't feel like – it felt like it was a 30-point loss.
Yeah, it's Tanner McKee.
Yeah.
Max is so confused right now.
Got it. I like that.
Yeah. He's so confused. He's looking at the numbers. He's crunching the data, and he can't figure it out.
It's super, my lord, this game was poop on board, Miami's a lot technically.
I understand.
When your pop-up speech is just saying your names? Yeah.
54.
Yeah, we're talking about three-eighths of an inch here. Yeah. Guys lie about that all the time.
Yeah. My winner, Mason Graham.
Smooth. Because he said, I'm going to go to the combine, but I'm only going to do bench press. Yeah. Which rocks.
He's like, fuck all this other shit. Just put me on the weights. Love that. Watch me move. Beast. Loser Shador Sanders, his hat was three quarters of the way backwards when he addressed the media. Uh-oh. So Coward's watching that like a hog. Uh-oh.
That's one of those drills when you see somebody who's smooth and who's an actual athlete run it. It looks like the easiest thing ever. And then when you watch one of us try to do it.
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11 away. Is that what it is?
I think it's 11. It was either 11 or 12. And then, yeah, it goes over, daps up his son. I've got a new favorite Caps fan, though. Who? Tuna. Oh. Have you seen Tuna? I have not seen Tuna. Bring Tuna's picture up on here. They showed this guy in the first period. Tuna fucking rocks. Okay. He's a kid, and he's wearing, like, Pit Viper shades. Max is 0 for 1 on searches.
And a hat that just says tuna on it. I just got the Ovi gold.
It should.
Tuna.
Love that. Doesn't tuna rock? Just a kid named Tuna.
That's our new unofficial mascot right now.
Aiden O's pretty crazy.
Haven't lost in March. If I know Hank's troll brain, he's going to kick it in right during the conference championship tournaments.
I have a question for you about Rick Barnes. Yeah. Is he on Ozempic? I don't know. He's getting skinnier.
He just looks old. There were a couple shots of him on the sideline when he was yelling at the refs, and he looked like a ghost.
Yeah, they feel inevitable.
I like Auburn, Duke. I'm going to put some money on St. John's and then Houston. Houston. Houston and Bama.
All right, so Lunardi, he did put out updated bracketology for Sunday, March 2nd. Okay. Pre-game. This is before the games today.
Yeah.
So, yeah, so he did update it. It didn't get updated on the website, but he posted it on Twitter, and he says the last four are in Georgia, Arkansas, Nebraska, Oklahoma now. Last four in. First four out, Boise State, Xavier, UNC, and Texas. Texas is now out per Joe Linardi. Okay, good.
So they've also, people are upset that Oklahoma is one of the last four in. Why would you put Oklahoma in over Texas? I wouldn't. I'd kick them both out.
Well, I mean, yeah, regular season. Pretty good. The second half of the season was a lot better than the first. Yeah. Looks like Stradlin's got the boys rolling. But now we have the Sun Belt tournament, which is insane.
The format of the tournament is the better you are in the regular season, that determines how many buys you get. So the one seed and the two seed get an automatic buy all the way to the semifinals. So if you're the last seeded team, you have to win like seven games in a row against a bunch of teams that are fresh.
See, I don't celebrate co-championships for my conference, unlike you.
It's a very funny visual. I just didn't take my shirt off and paint my chest. You also took your shirt off.
But yeah, the bracket is awesome. The bracket for the Sunbelt Tournament is going to rock. And then Hank, I guess we said it on the stream, myself and Hank are teamed up again for the Bracket Busters. Max is also involved. Yeah. It would be a real shame if we picked against Wisconsin.
The bracket is just insane. I love this format.
So, I mean, we don't really have a face of the league right now.
And I also.
Jalen Brown. Fuck out of here, man. Come on now. Oh, nice, Max. I see what you did there. Hit you with the fuck out of here.
Yeah, he didn't say, get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, it's like what Patino was saying, right? Like you want to have these things to motivate your guys.
So no issue. But, Hank, you could also make the argument that the Cavs are the one seed right now, correct?
So wouldn't the Celtics already be taking them seriously because they're the one seed in the Celtics?
Okay, serious Lear.
Got it.
Yeah, he's the knee of the NBA.
Have they said if they're going to break his hip or if they're going to do the normal knee surgery?
He may never play again. He might not walk again. But he did get that MVP. Yeah.
I think Peyton Pritchard might be the face of the NBA. He might be.
I would agree. It's just that people, I think players in the NBA are addicted to reading all the hate online. Yeah. Just like you should never log on. If you're LeBron James, you have nothing to gain by logging on.
It's Barstool after dark. The chat runs the stream. I feel like NBA players, more so than any other athlete, they're just very, very unhappy.
He said if he throws in an NBA finals MVP.
Giannis had a 13-month span when he was the face of this league.
GOAT status, yeah.
Prayers up for SVP. That Maryland loss was tough on him.
Right in his face.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you saw Dune 2 two summers ago.
I was listening to Kelly Stafford's podcast. And by listen to, I mean just anticipating what she would say. My guess is she probably didn't want to leave L.A. I would say so.
So he turned heel?
And didn't Travis Scott, like, smoke a blunt, put it out on somebody?
Awesome. This is quite a slap that Travis Scott put on him. Dude, he fucking smoked him. So is John Cena going to stop doing Make-A-Wish now? How deeply is he going to be committed to being the heel?
Okay, PFT. My who's back is Hard Knocks. Hard Knocks offseason is coming back, but it's not going to be in the NFL because the Giants screwed that up last year. I think we predicted that on the show, which is that no front office is going to want to have every move they make documented so that when it doesn't work out, it gets thrown back in your face. So every team opted out.
They couldn't find a team to do it. So instead, they're going to do it with Bill Belichick at UNC. Tard Knocks. With UNC.
You don't think that one? Tardnox? T-A-R-apostrophe-D. Tardnox. You don't like it?
I like Tard Knox.
You know how they always have some behind-the-scenes stuff on the coach, like Matt Eberflus got a haircut last year?
You think we're going to see Bill Belichick hanging out with his girlfriend, like date night? I would say definitely. Date night with Bill and his lady?
Yeah, for sure. I love that. Oh, yeah. Jordan is going to be all over that. Mike Tannenbaum, he's in the front office down there, right? Yeah. I imagine we'll get to see him a lot again. No, Mike Lombardi. Yeah, Lombardi.
Oh, yeah.
Giants. Raiders. I've heard that he's trying to bring Devontae with him again. Yep. So he has a wish list. And I feel like if I were Aaron, I would just want to stay in New York and just go to the other locker room.
But yeah, I'm actually excited to watch this. I want to see. It's going to be a giant commercial for UNC. That's the reason why he's doing it, obviously. It's smart. It's smart. It's very smart. You get a lot of publicity. Guys want to come play for you. It's going to be good to have Bill.
He's going to be so grumpy.
Spring back.
If you... Fuck. So we're setting the clocks back, correct?
Because it's easy to complain about. Be like, this sucks in the wintertime. Yeah, I think everybody agrees that it sucks. But then if you... What was the thing? I love it now.
If you're complaining about the clocks and how it works in the wintertime, what you're doing, you're just complaining about winter. You're saying like winter sucks. I wish this didn't happen. Wait, so this rocks. We made it.
It was like 58 last week.
Stretch your legs. Lay down roots there.
Paddy's Day you know what a sneaky good St. Paddy's Day city is Savannah Georgia yeah Savannah Georgia fire department fuck outs for St. Paddy's Day
Yeah, you should. I think I'm going to do it this year. I don't think so. And by getting fucked up, I mean I'll probably start drinking at 8 a.m. and then I'll go home at like 2.30. Yeah. It's going to be awesome.
Just do it.
I just love that there is a Sam Darnold market. Yeah. We need a Sam Darnold market. And the Steelers are just going to run it back with Russie.
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Now, a lot of people are saying, what are the Cowboys up to? Windhorse. What are the Cowboys up to? Because Jerry Jones, he likes to talk. Jerry loves him some media. He did not talk at the Combine this year. He did not address reporters, and apparently everybody else from the Cowboys is being very quiet. So what's going on in Dallas right now?
The exit interviews after winning Super Bowl have to kick ass. It's just people being like, yeah, that was fucking awesome.
You stopped them.
It was great. And now that you're a couple of years removed from the first Super Bowl, I think you can say it without it seeming like sour grapes or like you're complaining about it, but the grass, the sod father from the Chiefs, he fucked you out of that Super Bowl.
They had a crier to Chris Jones. He cries in the national anthem as well. I thought it would be just like an arms race. You guys would even cry harder this year.
Yeah. No, but it was a, it was a great season for you guys. How much credit do you give to big Dom versus how much credit do you give to shaving your head? Good question. How do you balance that?
Yeah.
This year was kind of crazy for you because it started out, things seemed to be like it was, they were a little bit rocky at the beginning and then they kind of turned around a little bit after that Saints game. Do you remember the ending of that Saints game? I think it was Dallas caught that long pass, right? Really broke the game open. Did you feel like the season switched at that point?
That feels like a lot. He took a pretty big cap in Panama City Beach. This one might be even bigger. Yes. $100 million is a lot of money to pay. Again, if you're a Cowboys fan, you shouldn't really care. Whenever you see somebody be like, oh, you overpaid for this guy, who cares? It's not your money. But if it runs into this situation where you're not able to pay anybody else.
Yeah. So we've defended the tush push on this show.
And I say that as a commanders fan, I am not going to complain my way out of getting my ass kicked. Like that's not how football should work. Right. It's a football play. Other teams are free to use it if they want to. They're just not as good at it. I saw that you were insulted. Yeah. by the fact that the Packers are trying to get rid of the rule. You should feel complimented by that.
That would piss me off. If I had a son that was playing against your son and fucking Sirianni's son is pushing on me, I'd be like, yeah, get that play out of football. It's bad for the game.
So many Italians. There is one thing that pisses me off that you do, and I want to confront you face-to-face as a football viewer. When you line up to go for two in the first half, try to get them to jump off sides. They don't jump off sides. Then you call a timeout. Then you kick the extra point anyways. As a fan of watching football on TV, that's a tough minute for me.
I get Matt Wilby. It's because I think that there's about to be a play.
You're excited for the play. He's just going to kick it. He used the timeout. Probably a smart football move.
I appreciate the compliment. I think you're right that I'm a very insightful football fan. But it just delays. We get enough commercials already watching football. I hear you. Point taken. Yeah, so just think of the fans when you do that next time. It's mildly annoying to a casual football viewer.
No, there's no chance.
Like, probably we're talking top 10 human beings in the entire world.
So there's a guy, what's his name? Jason over the cap. He runs over the cap. Okay. I follow that guy online. He's good.
He's awesome. What's it like knowing that at any given time Howie could be working on something just insane that will make your life very complicated the next, like, 24 hours?
I guess just like more exciting. Maybe complicated is the right word.
Oh, they didn't include him in the Oscars memorial? Shefty is punching air. Well, he's the only one who respects OJ. Damn. We also had an AWL. Okay, I almost could see the Oscars honoring OJ more than I could see Adam Schefter honoring him. Yeah. Because he was in movies. Say what you want about him off the field, but on the silver screen, he was pretty good in Naked Gun. Yeah.
Yes. Yes. No, he was a good actor.
Did you see him try to put the glove on? That's true. Doesn't fit. It's too small.
I'm an emotional guy. He said, you're welcome.
Oh, Max, 12 months ago would ask you, uh, the, the,
This was a question that you had a year ago.
Yeah, but let's just ask you. What do you do during games?
Yeah, flip off a guy in the stands.
He was like, we got to run Saquon more. And you're like, I will.
No, I think we did read it because I think he wrote online. He was like, hey, this is me, the fan.
If anybody on this show passed away, God forbid, they got to make Shefty sweet, right?
It is kind of crazy that every time somebody dies, the first thing Adam Schefter does is he runs to the doc on his phone. Yeah, he's got a death doc. And then writes their name in. A death doc. A reverse hit list.
What is it about Mount Union that real football guys know? Like there's something special about that college when it comes to coaching.
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A little miscue in the group chat and hand up. I think I was like seven beers deep at the bar on Saturday. I was watching college basketball, watching some golf, and yeah, I had a couple cocktails. And so the Debo news broke. I was pumped about the Debo news. Yeah. Because I love watching Debo play football.
Wait, I wasn't very good on your podcast and your little pod. Our downloads weren't very good. That's not, that's, that's fake.
It comes at you quick? Yeah. Yeah, and we're losers. Do I need to fact check? This is going to get community noted.
You're 42. Why would you do that? Because you were talking about downloads. Oh, shit.
I think he won our first ever award on part of my take for a guy who I like watching play football the most. Yeah. Debo's very fun to watch when he's in good shape. And a lot of people were like, oh, you got fat Debo. Yeah, he's so fat. You're going to hate that fatty. First of all, number one, let's not fat shame people.
Yeah. What about Miles Garrett? What are you hearing with him?
This is not a James Harden situation. He looked a little slower last year. Yes, I agree. I may have even said at one point he was fat. Please don't look up the tapes. But if anybody has perfect information on Debo Samuel, it's Adam Peters. who I believe drafted Debo and worked around Debo for a long time in San Fran. He is now the GM of the Commanders. I sat with him at the Combine.
Lamar Jackson, a hundred percent winning MVP. And you knew that I had a future on Lamar to win that MVP. Correct. You said a hundred percent. Don't worry about it. It's already done. That was very mean. Yeah.
It was not ideal.
I mean, winning a big bet in New Orleans, it's going to be fun. Yeah. I was just excited to have fun that week.
Like just on all your bets?
It was pretty good. I made money this Super Bowl, which is, it's rare.
No. Did not go to the casino this time.
Yeah, we did.
Yeah, you're a columnist. I am. That's, it's big. And your column comes out Saturday, which great job figuring that out. Like good job putting out your column one day before everybody else.
I told him, number one, if you need me to commit any felonies for the team, I'll do it. I'll be the fall guy. I'm your guy for that. Number two, I trust you. If you like Debo, I trust your evaluation of Debo.
Yeah. So he comes out Saturday. When you write it, do you write it like Friday night?
On Monday. Yeah. Monday morning.
It takes a long time to write, yeah.
No, yeah, my shit was good.
Yeah, no, I broke some news, but yeah, that's fair.
And he's like, okay, I have the support of the fan base. No, but I think he does know more than anybody what Debo is like right now. He's 29 years old. It's not like he's super old.
Also, here's the thing with memes. You can look up and see if she used the word ultimatum.
Is your problem with the aggregators?
No, she is Dove Kleinman also. She's ML football. So what's your beef, memes?
So again, your problem is not with her or her reporting. It's the fact that she reported something.
What if she just reports occasionally better stories about the Jets?
What if you guys win games?
I mean, if you go through a season where you fire a coach without a plan in place to replace him, and then the guy that you used to replace him, his unit goes to shit, and then your quarterback has the most drama-filled year ever where he's talking about running for vice president, I feel like this— He didn't talk about that.
I was the first person to report it, but it was true. You said you heard it. But it was true.
We should stop doing this.
Yeah. So what are some storylines that you're working on this week besides Miles Garrett, Matt Stafford?
I have a prediction. This is bold. But if they franchise tag T. Higgins, I think maybe the hamstring injury might crop up once or twice next season.
Why else are you going to the grocery store?
Yeah. What's up with his contract?
It's non-guaranteed. He's got two years left. No guaranteed money.
um i think for max he he just wants to win too like but but he's he's gonna get paid what do you do you miss at all the uh the sunday morning routine of going you know freezing water yeah you're yeah that that was an all-time clip love that when you were like look how cold it is at foxborough you turn the water upside down and it was it was cold water that you didn't point out that it was cold water you were just like oh it's still liquid and
But it was really cold.
Right. Well, they also had a phone call to Deion Sanders. Yeah. Right. Jerry Jones talked to him.
Max has been milking this fucking Super Bowl for everything it's worth. Yeah, he took a vacation, not on vacation week. Kind of a loser move to celebrate winning a Super Bowl.
You can't give the game to another country. The food in London sucks. The teeth are bad. You're going to have media members just complaining all week. The teeth are bad.
Bad teeth.
What are the teeth like in Italy?
I don't think that the NFL should do an overseas game for the Super Bowl.
Imagine being stuck next to Max on the flight over to London. Yeah, not great. No, yeah.
I do have a complaint. Sure. It seems that you've turned your back on Washington, D.C. What? You used to dabble in D.C. homerism.
You used to gas up the Capitals occasionally. I did. You're the only one who would talk about the Wizards.
I need a big food.
Get those numbers up on Scoop City. I think you need to rebrand to the Diana Rossini podcast featuring Diana Rossini.
Even call it like the Sunday mailbag, but it's spelled S-U-N-D-A-E. Oh, that's smart. I'll take my shirt off and eat some ice cream.
If I won a Super Bowl, I wouldn't even celebrate it. My celebration would end the second that the Super Bowl concludes. No, Super Bowl Sunday. You get your Super Bowl Sunday. Midnight. Yeah, midnight. Yeah, midnight. That's it. In whatever time.
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I don't know, because he had to go up and give a speech. And he threw his gum at her?
Midnight. I don't think I'd participate in a parade. I didn't go to a parade.
Yeah, but you've just been talking about being a winner this whole time, Max.
Memes, I got you a present. Did you? Yeah. Cool. It's a flight simulator. It's getting delivered to the office. Oh, fuck yeah.
11.
5.
Yes, PFT. Let's go.
Happy birthday.
He said it. I got memes a present. It's the number five memes. I'd like you to have this.
Am I allowed to do that? Can I give memes mine? No, you're not, but it's a nice gesture. You can't do it. I wanted to.
I'm literally trying to do that right now. Hold on. Let me pull up the bylaws. Okay. Real quick. Because as it stands, this five that I just picked for myself, I would rather memes have it. I want to give that five to memes. I want memes to get his first hit.
Love you guys. Love you, Memes.
Whoa. Okay. But no one's a heavy favorite.
I think what's happening here is the Commanders and the Eagles both want Myles Garrett just as much to have him as much to keep him away from the other team in the division that wants him. Do you think the Eagles are thinking about the Commanders, Max? Sure. Okay. Yeah. That's all I ever wanted. Yeah.
Yeah.
You're the heaviest favorite on this podcast.
Obese.
Yeah, the case race. Obese. I do love watching Debo when he has the ball in his hands. I don't know if you can call Debo like a number two receiver. I feel like he's a Swiss Army slot. He's just maximum violence. Maximum violence.
He seeks violence. And you know what? He's a good blocker, too. That's very important. Bubble screen merchant.
He's not a separation guy. He's married to the game. Yeah, he's a yak guy.
Yeah, what's the stat with Debo and the win-loss in terms of when he plays and when he doesn't play? They're 52-29 when Debo Samuel does play. I'm trying to figure out what they are without Debo. 8-11.
This is a Debo Samuel stat. Okay.
This is purely a Debo Samuel stat. Just a Debo Samuel stat. 52-29 when Debo Samuel. That's pretty good. By the way, senior, he's had sex.
Remember that. 52-29 when he plays, and when he does not play, they are 8-11. That's a pretty big difference. Okay.
And he was calling out his – like, setting his shot, being like, I'm going to be the fastest to ever do it. And his former teammate, Xavier Worthy, is way faster than that. Way faster. And he posted something like, respect those who came before you, young one. Yeah. Yeah. Also loser, Will Campbell. And winner. I have him as a loser because his arm length is 32 and 5 eighths inches.
Yeah, there's a lot of arm length talk. The general consensus for a tackle is 33 inches. So he's 3 eighths of an inch away from having tackle length arms. And so some teams are like, well, got to move him to guard. I think the Patriots would be very happy to get him and put him at tackle.
He's a doofus. Listen, if you're not a football guy and you're in charge of a football team, you should probably try to find a different job. I'm sure you can find a different... I'm sure that there's a number of foundations around Chicago that would like a McCaskey to be in charge of them.
You should become a football guy once you become the head of a football operation.
So you should learn football, though.
You should learn to love football. If you're growing up and you're watching the 85 Bears, you should become obsessed with football. You would think. Normal children would become... I question their parenting now. Yeah. For not getting their children and their grandchildren into football to the point where they become football guys.
Yeah, so looking at Thomas Brown, the interim head coach, I don't know much about the guy, but just off the measure. Running back coach for the Badgers when they ran all over Will Compton. Sorry, Will Compton. Right, so here's what I like about his measurables. He is 5'8 and 203 pounds. Stout man. He was at one point the strength and conditioning coach for the University of Georgia.
I like these credentials as an interim head coach. McVeigh tree. McVeigh tree. And by the way, I want to stick up for you real quick, Big Cat. A lot of people out there, because I get tagged in a lot of them, are doing some very mean Photoshopps. And I would like to put a list of names that are please do not Photoshop this coach as head coach of the Bears list.
Ryan Day. Yeah. Please stop with Ryan Day photoshops.
Cliff Kingsbury. Good offensive coordinator. Please do not put him on photoshops. Good offensive coordinator. Ron Rivera. Please do not put him.
Like him. Nice guy. Don't put him on. Mike McCarthy. Don't put him on.
Mike Malarkey. He's already been offered the job. Mike Malarkey? He's been offered the job, according to Ian Rapoport. Yeah, that's true. Hugh Jackson. Please stop with that.
How do we feel about Rex Ryan? Do not Photoshop those.
Okay, that's all I had on my list. But it's most importantly, no Ryan Day. Yeah. Stop doing that.
It's a pretty incredible run you went on.
It's literally his job. Right after that play was over, and he knew that he fucked up, and no muscle on his face moved. He just stared off into the distance like, well, that's probably it for me. He might as well have a blindfold and a cigarette in his mouth on that one. Yeah. I think everybody, including Lions fans, were probably yelling at the TV, what are you doing, Matt Eberflus? Yeah.
It was crazy. It was nuts.
That was the dumbest coach face that I've ever seen.
There are some coaches, though, that have very satisfying, dumb coach faces when they absolutely fuck things up. But I think that Matt Eberflus, that what we saw on Thanksgiving, that was the stupidest face he's ever made.
I feel like Mike Vrabel is the direction you guys are going to go.
No.
The Bears want, they've been like openly saying we want a leader of men, which tells me that they're looking at like a Mike Vrabel and less inclined for Ben Johnson. And then Ben Johnson linked to, he linked to Shefty over the weekend that he would be interested in the Bears. Yeah. If they come correct with the money.
You know what would be a big-time Bears move? If they went out, they got Pat Fitzgerald. No. That would be a big time barrier.
What about – Appreciate it. What about a coach trade? I feel like the Jets, if anybody does a coach trade, it would probably be the Jets. No, I'll tell you. No, the Jets have their own. They don't have a coach. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Neither do we. You can trade for a coach is what I'm saying. But they don't have one.
Yeah, we don't have one. You don't have one. We both don't have coaches. No, I'm saying you can acquire a coach via trade like the Bucks got.
Not trading your coach.
Using free agency to acquire, not free, but the trade deadline to acquire a currently employed coach.
Oh, for McVay.
Like maybe the owner? Is that something that you think Woody Johnson might be interested in?
Well, they acquired Jamal Adams.
I mean, I think the Eagles are right there with the Lions. Right there with them. Right there. Neck and neck.
Their defense is they were missing a lot of guys, especially in the second half. They're very injured. Everyone's injured, though. I still believe in the Lions. This time of year, everyone's banged up. Everyone's banged up. No excuses. I did love the one play that the Lions ran in the first half, the little trick play, that they put the ball in Panay Sewell's hands.
And he just started beasting people. I don't even know if there was a pass or a designed run. I think they just wanted to put the ball in his hands and let him just shove people around.
I'm just going to do some cool shit. I want to watch Panacea will shove people over.
I mean, if you beat a really, really good team, a really, really good team, then that does huge, huge numbers for your ego. Right. If you have a shitty team, you can be like, if we play like that every week, then we would be that really good team.
You just you want to cut those off at some point. You don't want to start accumulating those losses. I mean, and to start like, you know, we've seen quarterbacks and we've seen head coaches that just accumulate sad losses and they just weigh on them.
All of his teammates are probably really pissed off at him for that.
Yeah, yeah. I just figured an apt recap for this game would be to just talk instead about what we ate on Thanksgiving. Yeah, Overshawn's pick was awesome. Overshawn's pick. Overshawn is a really, really good player. Enrico Dowdle's awesome, too. Overshawn, every time I watch the Cowboys, no matter how bad things are going, he's always, you know, he flies around out there. Yeah.
That's what he does.
And, yeah, Mike McCarthy, congratulations to him.
I think he might even get, like, an extension.
I think he might just stick around for a while as a coach.
If I switch to steak, I'm just going to do steak, I think. Because turkey is the whole preparation for it. You have to brine it. You have to cook it. You roast it for a few hours. You deep fry it. It's a big thing with the setup. If you're going to switch to steak, I feel like you just make that call. And you're like, we're doing steak this year instead of turkey.
I might have changed the game for Thanksgiving this year. Oh, yeah? I invented something. Oh. Thanksgiving soup. Oh. Thanksgiving soup. It was so, so good. I took the leftover turkey. I made a turkey stock. I boiled the fried turkey carcass, made a stock out of it. Then I added mashed potatoes. I added mac and cheese. I roasted the stuffing in the oven to use as the croutons.
I cut up carrots. I put some green bean casserole in there because it's got cream mushroom soup as the base. Goddamn. I got so many left. I got some leftovers.
I actually I was thinking about just bringing in the whole operation and deep frying a turkey for the barstool office.
You had leftovers before dinner? You're crazy for that. You had pre leftovers. You're crazy for that meal. That is a change of the game.
Cookies are breakfast on Thanksgiving.
I fucked myself up with some pumpkin pie.
yeah my uh i had this girl that came up to me one time you know what she asked me you ever had pumpkin pie no she asked me actually a different question than that oh what'd she ask my pussy tastes like pumpkin pie yeah fuck out here i didn't ever have no pumpkin pie yeah bernie mack bernie mack yeah yeah it's the best um memes what'd you have
That's crazy. It's a big month. I think this Monday is a diet. It's diet Monday.
Oh, okay.
Yeah. Chicken chili's healthy. Yeah. You get a white chili. How much butter are you putting in it? No butter. Oh, okay. No, this Monday is the diet day. And then you go back to it on Tuesday. Yeah. You get a one day diet. Yeah.
And every quarterback that they've had recently seems to play exactly the same, too.
They look identical when they're out there on the field.
I feel like that could happen. I think their legacy, this most recent Mera legacy, might be... And he would probably like to get the record with the Giants. Yeah. I was just going to say, I think that his legacy might be ending any semblance of anything interesting ever happening on Hard Knocks again.
That might be it because of the Saquon thing.
No team is going to want to put out film of their GM fucking something up so, so terribly that it'll just be a stain on the franchise forever. You're not going to get anything good from Hard Knocks.
They have had the most hilarious 18-year run as a franchise.
But he didn't inherit the team. I think he's got some idiot family members, too.
I think the Giants and the Bears are similar in that they both care very, very deeply about running a classy organization. And that's what winning is to them. We run a classy organization.
We have a lot of dark stained wood in our offices.
We're all wearing ties all the time.
Yeah, I believe so. They might not. And I don't know if they're going to go back to Tommy DeVito. It doesn't really matter. No. I like Tracy, the running back. He's not bad.
He was all bundled up, too.
It was a bad scene. And then Tua did not rewrite the narratives. That's tough. He still hasn't won a game under 40 degrees, I believe.
He was so cold. He was so cold. He looked like the kid from the Christmas story. All bundled up. He couldn't move his extremity. If he had to challenge a call, I don't think he'd be able to find the flag. Uh, yeah, they, uh, they didn't even wear their most candy ass uniforms either. No.
They wore the old school dolphin with a helmet, which is, that's, that's breaking all the glass in case of emergency for the golf, the dolphins to look as tough as possible. They should make one of those where the dolphins wearing a helmet with the guardian cap on. Yeah. That would rock. Yeah. But yeah, it doesn't look like, I mean, they had to win this one if they wanted some help. They did not.
Yeah. Now they can play spoiler. They can play spoiler.
They have become what the 49ers were in the past. Watching them run the football, it's interesting. It's entertaining. I like doing it. I'm worried.
Yeah, I'm looking at the AFC picture right now. You could have beat all three. It's going to be tough. You guys could have beat all three.
It's going to be tough. They need the Colts and the Broncos to start losing.
So, if that were to happen, if the Lions were to lose to the Packers... and fall to the first wild card, what would that mean for their first-round matchup? They might go to Atlanta. The Packers? No, the Lions, if the Lions fell back.
Yeah, they could travel to Atlanta and just beat the fuck out of the Falcons.
I should have put it as my pick, but I didn't give it out as my pick. I gave Moneyline.
It's a missed bet. I have to put my hand up and say bad bet.
Well, I want to go back to the drive before that last drive.
So, Antonio Pierce... He had the ball in plus territory. The Raiders down by one point. Three minutes left on the clock. Let me ask you a question, Paquette. If you give the ball, would you want to give the ball back to Patrick Mahomes when Patrick Mahomes had a lead? I would not. With three minutes left? I would not.
All right, so Antonio Pierce did, and he sent his punt team out there, and then somebody on the sidelines was like, Hey, Antonio Pierce, just a reminder, that's Patrick Mahomes on the opposite sideline. Might not want to do that. So he did my favorite move in all sports, which is he called the think it over timeout. Yep. To think it over.
And his decision coming out of that timeout was to send his kicker out there who had missed two field goals of 55 and over yards, I believe. Yep. To try a 58 yard field goal. Yep. Shocker actually landed short of the upright. So then you give the ball back to Patrick Mahomes with three minutes left. And actually, you get the ball back after that. But it was just an insane decision.
I don't know what his decision tree was on that. I don't know what he was thinking. He doesn't really think. It ended up working out for him, so I guess I'm the idiot. But they got the ball back, drive down the field, and then we get to the point where it's here come the refs.
So there's some discussion going on. Yeah. The Raiders are claiming that some people on the field heard a whistle. I don't know if I heard a whistle or not, but it was an illegal shift that they ended up calling after they got together to talk about it.
Yes. So I guess it could have been thrown as a false start. And then after the fact, he was like, let's just make this illegal shift because I'm not sure if they were going sideways or forward. The bottom line is, yeah, the Chiefs, I get why they use the meme now. Yeah. This game flipped it for me. I get it. I get it. You guys lost this game. You win. I'm done fighting against it.
The Chiefs, your fans, your team, your whole city, whatever you're doing, I want a part of that. You guys are doing the right thing because they are 11-1. They have the worst point differential of any 11-1 team in history. Ten consecutive playoff bursts. You know what second worst is? Who? It's the 1976 Raiders. They won the Super Bowl.
It was just before COVID. It was 2020 in Miami. They won that Super Bowl. Then they won and then COVID hit.
So they still might go to the Super Bowl. So we don't want to say that Patrick Mahomes won't win a Super Bowl. No. We don't want to. We're fighting against it with every fiber of our being. The Chiefs are making us believe that. You guys are doing it to yourselves.
Yeah. Did you hear Al Michaels kind of shitting on streaming?
during the game i think they missed the punt we missed the whole punt we missed a play that'll that'll be lost to uh to history nobody saw it happen who knows what happened and and what they were the crisis actors at the game were told to say afterwards but al michaels was like yeah they wouldn't do that on linear but they'll do that to us on streaming and then he just kind of proceeded to take a shit on amazon um i love al michaels and his i don't give a fuck yes it's
It's pretty good.
He does not care. He'll just say whatever.
I don't even know. Does Al Michaels, like, what does he eat on Thanksgiving? Steak. Just steak.
Oh, he was playing in a game. Yeah, we did not. He was playing in a game when it happened. We did not on Friday, so I don't. Let's see. Did he do it on Thanksgiving after the Giants lost? I don't know. I did not check up on that. I know that I did check on it for Friday.
He played pretty well. He had three touchdown passes to this really outstanding receiver. What's his name? Number 12, whatever that is.
Shador Sanders has tweeted, thank you, God, an hour ago. Oh, so it's the Sunday thing. He did it an hour ago. It's the Sunday thing. Travis Hunter is the name. Travis Hunter. I thought he played cornerback. He does. Yeah. What? Look at it again. And he scored three touchdown passes?
Oh, is that the guy that did the Heisman pose twice? Oh, I was. What is the Heisman pose?
Yeah, I just thought it was an interesting pose. I was like, if that's a trophy, that must be a pretty prestigious trophy because that's a cool pose.
Yeah, but you know what I'm saying? They are almost daring us to doubt them. Yeah. You're doing all that you can.
I think that's the only way that they can get amped up is to have all the doubters show up. I don't want to do it, but you're making me think about doing it. I'm starting to do it. I don't want to.
I was going to say he looks a little bit like Derek Carr with the mascara.
That was a big win. Yeah, huge. Russell Wilson looked awesome. Najee Harris looks light. He's week to week with how he looks around the football.
Yeah, so do you remember early in the game when he pulled up a little bit and everybody thought his hamstring was fucked up? Yep. All right, so they asked him about that, and he said Thanksgiving. He said Pat Friermuth's girlfriend Jill made some fire-ass banana something. And... I guess he overindulged a little bit. Did Najee Harris shit himself in the first quarter?
I think that's what that means, right? I think you're right. I think Najee Harris pooped himself when he ran. That's why he pulled up like his hamstring was hurt. When he grabbed at the back of his leg, he's grabbing his butthole because he's pooping on himself. But he looked awesome today. He looked really good.
Now, it was against the Bengals' defense, and the Bengals' defense might have gotten worse out of the bye if that was possible. So the Bengals are 2-4 when they score over 30 points. The rest of the league is 75-3. When it comes to 33 points, the Bengals have four losses. Every other team in the league has one loss. So this might be the end of the Bengals' dynasty.
The Bengals' defense has given up 34 or more points six times this year. That's insane. Yeah. Six times. We should say they have a 3% chance at making the playoffs. And they've converted from being a we have to run the table in terms of wins. Now they're saying every drive is a must-score drive.
Jamar Chase was like, I think we need to score on every single drive from now on because our defense can't stop anybody. If they score a touchdown on every drive, I think they would make the playoffs at this point. I don't think they would. You don't think so?
And how many interceptions is that? Five. Five, and at least two or three of those are on badly deflected passes off the hands of his own receivers.
Are we in a zone where it might be so bad, their defense might be so bad, that maybe Joe Burrow MVP is back on a little bit?
Yeah. And he's been the best quarterback. His team stinks. And if a running back wins MVP, then they wouldn't necessarily have to give Offensive Player of the Year to just the best quarterback on the best team.
uh yeah but either way joe burrow's been awesome and you've completely wasted a year of joe burrow's prime and like that's that would kill me as a fan and t higgins last year yeah yoshi looks pretty good though yeah but still like 90 to one couple years ago you thought that this team was set up your windows open that window sorry yeah sorry about your window
And George Pickens, by the way. He did it all. He did it all. He got flagged for unsportsmanlike for simulating a gun. But he claims, and we can watch the tape, he claims he was signaling first down after he got a first down. Got it. Now, he did pull a trigger at the end of the first down. Which you have to do. Which you have to do. I mean, who's to say that that was a gun?
You just pulled the trigger on the first down.
No, I don't think so. No, just let George be George. They did have a moment where Tomlin got into his face on the sidelines a little bit. I don't know what Tomlin could be saying to George Pickens that he hasn't already said probably like 40 to 50 times already. Yeah. But yeah, Tomlin likes having a little bit of chaos on his team. You can tell he gets off on it.
So what's the difference between the Bears...
the giants and the steelers because the steelers have that like old school family yeah yeah we're a classy organization thing but they're just really smart they're really good yeah and they get coaches and they don't and they keep them and also they've had quarterbacks well they get good coaches at ben roethlisberger because that was a big thing yeah you could also say like okay it probably wouldn't be the best thing for the bears to keep a lot of the coaches correct correct
What do you think the score of the game would have been on the Thanksgiving night game if the Packers and the Dolphins had just changed jerseys? It would have been a one-score. Packers still win.
No, I think the Packers might lose, actually. They might lose. Imagine Jordan Love in a Dolphins shirt.
Yeah.
414 yards, three touchdowns.
Yeah.
They're winning shootouts.
We're going to get some good quotes from Jamar Chase as the season concludes.
I feel like he does not give a fuck. He's just going to say whatever's on his mind.
Some really, really bad picks, too. The end zone, the pick six was bad, too. I mean, it was about as bad as a four-pick day can be. My theory is that it's like James Harden when he would play in cities that had really good strip clubs. He would always play poorly. Kirk Cousins does the same when very popular iconic musicals come out in theaters.
And so he's been up all night singing along and not focused on his playbook. I don't know if there's anything to that, but he looked bad today.
It was a very tough one. So they've got the Vikings, but then they've got some winnable games after that, too, for the Falcons. Yeah. So, Hank, thank you for sending the reminder to remind us to bet against the Falcons in the playoffs. I feel very confident about that crystal ball pick.
I think it's going to work out. They just don't look like a good team. No. No, they've lost three in a row now.
Yeah, their offense was not good at all today. I think most Chargers fans would say that. It was like a painful, thank God we won this game.
Do they make the switch? People are asking. Hmm. People are asking, is it time for Pennix? And then what do you do with Kirk Cousins?
Salary fully guaranteed for at least next year, right? I mean, there's one team I could think of that would be a perfect fit for Kirk Cousins.
The man is shaking his head right now. I mean, think about it. Picture it. Yeah, I could. I could see it. I could see it. Kirk Cousins to the Jets? Yeah, I could see it.
Why not?
He won them that game. This is what I love about Kevin O'Connell is he gets quarterbacks that have in their past looked like they're timid. They're slow to process. They don't trust themselves. They're not confident. And when they play for him, they just look like everything's fast. Yeah. Like they know exactly what to do. And it could be a backup quarterback like Dobbs. It could be Darnold.
It could be anybody. It could be Kirk Cousins. But they look like just a way more confident version of themselves all the time. And he must be an awesome guy, which is why probably Daniel Jones wants to go out there and just be like, hey, just tell me I'm pretty. Make me feel good about myself for a little bit because I'm gun shy about everything else.
I do think that there was an insane coaching decision in this. Yeah. Yeah. Where Gannon kicked that field goal, I think, from the four-yard line. Yeah. He was up three, right? He was up three from the four-yard line. Kicked a field goal to make it six points. I feel like every time that happens, the other team wins.
By the way, if you're up one and you kick the field goal, I like it. Yeah. I like that a lot. Yeah. If you're up two, I like that a lot. If you're up three, I don't like it.
They have every fourth down now. Stat hole sports pointed this out. Kevin O'Connell is now 24 and 10 in one score games.
I also like their strategy of when teams take away Justin Jefferson just hitting up Jordan Addison all the time.
And then teams are like, fuck, we can't let Jordan Addison beat us. And then they have Justin Jefferson.
That crazy field goal, too. Best-case scenario, you go up six points, and you also give them 20 yards of extra field position. Correct.
Yeah. What six-point lead would be the worst? I feel like 14 to 20 is pretty bad.
16-10. That is the worst one.
1913, you got some cushion.
Yeah, 25 to 31, that's a pretty big lead, too. Yeah, no. 24 to 30, kind of like, yeah, 24 to 30.
It does.
What about 18 to 12? No, that's just.
That feels like a Falcons-Steelers score, doesn't it?
Yeah, 21-0 in the first quarter. And it was almost 28-0 in the first quarter, too. Yeah. Just everything went poorly for the Titans. And the Titans, believe it or not, did have the second best total defense of any team in the NFL going into this game. Now, yes, a lot of that was because their special teams are so bad that a lot of opponents get short field position on them.
So they don't give up a lot of yards sometimes when they're just fumbling like crazy on punt returns and shit. But yeah, it just took care of business. And the haters out there, they said that we couldn't make the playoffs. The haters are furious. The haters can't believe that they would ever make such a dumb bet. And that was the goal for the Commanders this entire season, just make the playoffs.
That's their Super Bowl.
And we took one step closer to that. 83% likelihood to make the playoffs now.
Had to have it. Had to have it. Now we're going to a bye. I hate the late byes, too. It's way too late to have a bye. But more importantly... Jaden Daniels proved that he can win in cold weather. Because I don't think he's ever played a game that was 41 degrees of kickoff. And he did the same thing that he does in every game, which is just stand there smiling with his hands in his pockets.
He's like athletic Ben Mintz.
83% chance to make the playoffs on the internet.
Have they updated it with the results of today's games?
I updated it and I saw... Can you guys see this computer screen? Yeah.
Yeah, go to a different website. It's basically 83. Go to a different website because I don't think your website's good, Max.
I don't think that they've updated it with all the results yet. Are they updated with all the results, Max?
Yeah, and hey, Cliff Kingsbury, I don't know if you listen to the pod or you just listen to literally everybody else, but very first play of the game, he put Terry McLaurin on the right side of the field.
Which he's never done this year.
Could be.
Yeah, I was just making my own graphic. Right here, look at this. He was just typing it. He was just drawing his own. 85%, 2% soupy. Whoa. I'm liking that. I'm not thinking soupy, though. I'm not, Max.
I'm reading the stream.
That's true. I made a soupy.
I can read Max a little bit. The Commanders looked awesome today. I can read Max a little bit. They played the fucking Titans. Okay, but they looked awesome. You struggled with the Ravens. You were rooting pretty hard. That's basically the same thing. I thought that Max was rooting for the Bucs today because he would rather play the Bucs in the playoffs.
I'm just looking forward to our game coming up on December 22nd, Max. I'm hoping that gets flexed on Monday night. I feel like it could. I will be there no matter what. How are you guys, Hank and PFT? We're great. We haven't discussed anything. Do you want to discuss? I don't want to talk to Hank right now.
Oh.
Renfree.
Yeah, but 85% is a lock. Stop it, Hank. 85%? Hank and I, yeah, we're at each other's throats. Don't talk. He wishes nothing but the worst for me. That's not true. I root for Hank all the time. I got the Commander's Super Bowl future. I appreciate that, Hank. You're a good guy.
Yeah, it says right here, 85%. At the Saints?
No, it basically might come down to what type of Cowboys team's going. It might come down to the Cowboys. It might come down to Kirk Cousins' revenge game.
Or Michael Penick's.
Revenge game. Yeah, for not drafting him. Yeah.
Yeah, the offense looked really good today, and our defense looked good. What, Hank? Yeah, the offense looked good. The offense looked good. Say something nice about the Commanders.
I don't think I got into Hank's head. I think Hank got into his own head.
the commanders looked very good today they did you get credit for killing bad teams yeah they did the defense looked pretty good too everything that we needed a get right game because we'd looked real bad over the previous three weeks so now now i get a buy now i get a stress-free week of football which i'm looking forward to yeah the the buys i'm not having to watch your team on a sunday well i mean your team has been fun
I have stress. I feel good. I feel good because of the way that we played today.
Yeah, but no, you don't get it. It's a magic wand. This game happened. Now everything's fine.
Yeah. Did you hear when I said that they have the second-best defense in the NFL? Sick.
Congratulations. Listen, I'm happy. You're not going to steal my happiness. Don't be an energy vampire, Max.
Yeah, it was a lot of fun.
It was a lot of fun. I wanted Marcus Murillo to get in for the second half. Play against the old team.
Yep. Honestly, not from just an entertainment aspect. Pretty good work. Pretty good work, script writer.
The Rams beat the Chargers in the Super Bowl.
Almost hit it.
Yeah, I respect that move. That was a ballsy move. So there was a rumor that Juan Soto was going to be the keeper of the light before the game.
There's a rumor out there about that.
Instead, it was Kofi Kingston, WWE superstar. WWE legend.
So good company, Hank.
Yeah. Do you always want to beat the Colts? Does that still run your blood? No.
Yeah. The rivalry is back on.
I feel like they might stick with him. Because Robert Kraft would think that that's a bad look for him to fire a coach after one year.
I'm not afraid. Six-game winning streak. Healthy Giannis.
I'm going to count that as four wins.
Then we'd have to win every game. No, I think that game should count as more than one win, though. Okay. It's a big game. It's on Christmas. Yeah.
You have the opportunity to ruin Hank's Christmas. Beat the Pistons yesterday.
Yeah. Is he going to play?
Hank, if it was any other quarterback that won the game against you and then did the Fortnite L dance in your face, would you be upset?
You should do that. You should make a big board. Hankalytics.
So shitty. This is why it's so fucked up when Patrick Holmes is a fake slide. Yeah. Because you're like, oh, he's not really down. And granted, Trevor Lawrence is very clearly going.
It was a very dirty hit. So much so, in fact, that D'Amico Ryan's after the game basically threw his guy into the bus and was like, we don't coach that.
I agree. I also like when Aziz Al-Shahir hit him, he bounced up immediately and was like, I didn't do it. I didn't do anything wrong. Like what? And then was greeted by like four sets of cleats. It looked like biz in Scottsdale.
That was a bad, bad hit. It was a bad hit. And I still don't really believe in the Texans, but if they're going to win football games by just feeding Joe Mixon, then I think that they're a pretty good team. But they're still like, I've got my doubts about them.
I was actually shocked when I tuned into this game and looked at the screen for the first time that Doug Peterson is still in the coach. I was surprised. I knew he hadn't been fired yet, but is he the most pre-fired person in NFL history?
Yeah, yeah.
If you're the Jaguars, do you then trade the first overall pick? I think you have to, right? Possibly, yeah. Someone's vying for it. Carolina?
We'll update Tankathon in lieu of doing the Jaguars recap. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How good the first quarter was.
Yeah. Because Friday is basically Saturday on Thanksgiving week.
But where did he get drafted? Yeah, originally. He was really good when he was a rookie, right? Where did he get drafted? The Jets. Oh.
You wake up and you get to redo Saturday all over again. Correct.
What did you make of the news coming out before the game that Aaron Rodgers is unlikely to return?
Yeah. He did say he's in the best shape of his life physically. Yeah. Well, I should change that. He said he feels the best that he's ever felt physically in his life.
And this is a man who's done a lot of awesome drugs that make you feel really good physically.
This game?
Yeah, he was top five in everything. Everything. At one point, he was top five. This is a terrible second half collapse for the Jets. Yeah. After their offense started the season off looking so good. Yeah.
Okay. And we're sure that he did not show up to the charity event. That's exactly what happened.
Yeah.
I think you're going to have to say yes to Geno. Kirk Cousins, you would say yes to him. I think you'd probably say yes to Derek Carr. Sam Darnold, he said yes to. Yeah. Derek Carr, I think he's a free agent, or he's going to be out of New Orleans probably next year.
Oh, my God. A wild ride. What a wild ride. We got Derek Carr, boys. Derek Carr.
He's a bad guy. You're jealous, I think. Of what? He memed you.
How did you like those uniforms?
Aaron Rodgers looked very, very depressed in that uniform. He wore that turtleneck. Yeah, he looked like a French painter from the 1700s. Yeah, he should just retire. Well, so he wants to play next year, I think. But according to the Jets, he's not going to be back. I've got just something I'm going to toss out there because to me it makes sense. Aaron Rodgers on the Rams next year.
What happened to Matt Stafford? Jet. Matt Stafford might retire. Okay. I don't hate it. I feel like he would want to play for McVay. I feel like McVay would look at him and be like, I've done it before.
Aaron Rodgers tightens.
Well, think about it. So he got close to Woody Johnson because of the vaccine, right, to try to bring down the Jets from the inside. He might make his next mission to destroy the entire state of California.
Yeah.
Yeah, again, I can't figure the Seahawks out at all. Their goal line offense is so frustrating. It's not even week to week. It's quarter to quarter.
Yeah, so what's the Seahawks' schedule here?
I got about two and three. Two and three? Two and three in their next five. Oh, no. So that's probably not going to the playoffs.
Their two wins are against the Cardinals and the Rams.
It's insane. Actually, I was thinking about this because it's a sick thing that the Bears do to you. I'm not talking about figuring out new ways to lose games. That's actually very mentally stimulating. It's creative, and I applaud them for that. But what they do is they play so shitty and get their teeth kicked in the first half of games, and then people tune out. Right.
Yeah, he goes crazy. He goes crazy. That's totally different.
No. No, no, no, no. Crazy rocks. Crazy. Josh Allen. Yeah.
You ever date a stupid chick?
You ever date a crazy chick?
What? Yes, he's fast. He is fast. Memes is right. Memes is right.
But Bryce Young is a different dude. Dude, he looks good. Bryce Young looks very, very good. He looks comfortable. I think it was like getting benched and then all the trade talk and things like that. He realized, oh, fuck, I'm going to have to move. And then he got a chance to play again. He was like, I don't want to pack up all my shit.
And then they don't see the Bears come back, and then they look up when somebody tells them, hey, the Bears actually just made this a football game. You should probably watch the end of it. And then you get to see the Bears lose at the very end. So they get all the dog shit from the Bears, and a lot of people miss out on any of the good stuff that ever happens.
This is I'm playing now, not just for my I'm playing so that I don't have to move again.
No, I'm going to count this as a win for the Panthers.
Like it's not going to count in the official standings, but this is as good as a win for the Panthers.
Yeah. Maybe they had him playing scout team safety as the backup quarterback. Yeah. He got to see the offense from a different perspective. It unlocked something, and now he's good all of a sudden. This game probably turned out as good as it could for the Panthers, Because you don't win the game. You don't screw up your draft pick. Bryce Young plays well. He leads you on a game-tying drive. Yep.
And he doesn't fuck up in overtime. He led you on a game-winning drive in overtime. Yeah. And then somebody else, was it Chuba Hubbard that followed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so he didn't screw up the game in overtime. That was a running back who you already trust and believe in, and it's not like you're going to look at Hubbard and be like, oh, fuck this guy from now on.
No, you still like that guy. So it all actually comes out to just as good as a win pretty much for the Panthers.
Well, it coincided with their worst injuries. Yeah, their worst injuries at the same time as the worst part of the schedule.
Yeah, they could. The Bucs, you don't want to play them in the playoffs. And honestly, I feel happy for Panthers fans because you get to enjoy watching football again on Sundays without feeling like a complete degenerate of just making an appointment for your own torture and then just scheduling out the rest of your day. You're going to feel like shit because you saw a miserable product.
But as for the Bucs, I feel like... You might be very frustrated at the end of the season looking back being like we were a much better team than our record says that they were. And they probably were. I think no matter what happens, I feel like the Bucs, by the way that the injuries happened to them, and even through the injuries, they kept playing well. Yeah.
But God bless the broken road that led us to Matt Eberflus being fired for the first time in 100 years for the Chicago Bears.
But if it weren't for those, then you can definitely point back and say we should have won this division if they don't.
It's pretty much a coin flip between the Falcons and the Bucs to win that division right now. And then... I'd say a pretty high likelihood that second place in the NFC South is going to get in over an NFC West team.
You've had the necklace removed from your neck.
I forgot about the Vikings and the Packers.
So right now the Bucs are at 50%, 49%. Listen, I'm looking at the spreadsheet right now. It says 85%. Is the New York Times lying to me? Is the needle lying? That's your source?
If it doesn't, you're fucked. I'll be fully transparent. I went to NFL.com. I went to ESPN, and I went to the New York Times Athletic. They all have calculators. I chose to stay on the one that had myself at the highest percentage. Got it.
If it were up to me and I got to decide the Falcons or the Bucs get it, I would want the Bucs. I want to watch more Bucs football than I want to watch Falcons.
Well, here's where I don't get it. The only way they get in is if you get out. 85% for the Commanders, and then the Bucs, 49%. But that's because of the division. Yeah, I know. Then the Cardinals and the Rams, both 35%, 27%. Right, because of the division. Because of the division, yeah.
It would probably break your brain even more. I was rooting hard for a tie in the Bucks-Panthers game. It would have been a fun tie. I like to have one tie per year at least, just to have that little dash one at the end to fuck everything up with the schedules. Yeah. It looks nice.
And then you can just revert back to the 16-game schedule mindset where you're like, oh, they're going to finish 8-8-1.
Listen, we control our own destiny.
You definitely control your own destiny. That's all you can ask for this time of year.
Saints. Win. Falcons. Win. Thank you, Hank. That's a toss-up. Cowboys. Win. Whoa. You can't say that. You can't say it anymore. Revenge. Revenge.
The Saints are a must-win.
Yeah. I mean, they're a very good team when they play. I also like rooting for Bucky. He's fun to cheer on. Yeah, Bucky Irving is fun.
But also the person that would put him in the Ring of Honor is the person who disavowed him for being a Bucs fan.
I feel like as Taysom Hill goes, so goes Rizzy Ball.
And so he got hurt. He got carted off. Hope he's okay. But that's really – Rizzie was leaning heavily into just using Taysom all the time.
And, yeah, you're not going to be able to do that now. And I feel like the Saints are – the Saints without Taysom Hill and Rizzie as the coach, to me, are the exact same team as the Saints with Taysom Hill and Dennis Allen as the coach.
Just kind of not fun and boring.
And I have no idea what's going to happen in that division. It's just a log jam. What about the Seahawks and Rams getting it? Yeah, you could get two teams in. You could squeak two teams in. It's a possibility. Everyone would hate it if that happened.
This is boy math, and I'm failing at it right now.
I'm just looking at it like if you were in a bad situation, like you were running from the cops and you and your buddies had one coach from the NFC West that had to help you get out of the jam, who would that be? And that would probably be Sean McVay.
He's got some connects in the underground, yeah.
Sean McVay would be kind of like a Better Call Saul, like a shady-ass lawyer that could get you off on a technicality.
Yeah.
Kyle Shanahan would be like, let's call my dad. Yeah. He'll get us out of this.
Not actually. Yeah. Not a bad strategy. Just like get your dad on the case. But this is it's a fucked up division. Oh, weird.
Oh, yeah, I have Cooper Cup, and I have Puka Nakua.
All right, I think that's all the games, right? I think that's it. Yep. All right, so who's back of the week? Who's back of the week?
clock the ball if you don't get a first down you can with 30 seconds you can rush everyone out if you do you clock the ball you kick a field goal try to go to overtime he also acted like it would be impossible to throw the ball to somebody and then get out of bounds yeah he was like well we want to keep that time out because we wanted to have a time out for a field goal unit the operation to get on the field acting like it would be impossible to get out of bounds or throw an incomplete pass the whole thing was just a perfect encapsulation of maddie reflux being one of the worst like crunch time coaches possible uh
So Harbaugh said that he wasn't going to kick him out. Now, what Justin Tucker should have done is, like, four weeks ago, faked an injury. Yeah. You can't get cut. You're going to make John Harbaugh cut you. He doesn't want to have to cut you. This is an old Yeller situation.
Where he will shoot you in the head behind the shed if you let this drag out far enough. And just don't make him do that. He doesn't want to do that. You don't want that to happen.
Just make up an injury for yourself. Yeah. You get a bad groin.
Yeah, it's really. So right now he's this year he's kicking at 73 percent, which is 36th in the NFL. So he's worse than every starting kicker in the NFL. And then what? Five backups worse than those guys. That's really bad. It's bad. That's really bad. That's an extra point today. It is going to be a problem for him in the playoffs.
Yeah, even a great Thursday night game would help at this point. As somebody that has a future on Lamar Jackson to win MVP, I don't want to say it's a two-horse race just yet, but I will say it's not looking good.
Big time 2K watch.
That's good. That's a winning mentality.
Your first quarter sucked, Max. Our first quarters suck all year.
100.
Who's that?
Oh. What's his name again?
I got confused. I have him 40-1. Oh. I don't look at my bets that much. When you said 20-1, I thought you were talking about Lamar, who I do have 20-1. 40-40. But then I've got 20-1 also on Travis. I just looked it up.
I think we as a country deserve that.
We deserve to have Ravens-Steelers in the playoffs. It would be Chargers and Texans, which is a winnable game for us. That's a Saturday game all day.
Yeah.
You want to look at the playoff matchups right now and say when they would be played? Yeah, sure. Okay. So we've got the Bills and the Broncos.
Yeah, they probably would sprinkle that in as like a Monday night game.
No, Sunday night. Night. Night. Night. So you'd definitely have to do Steelers-Ravens. That's a Sunday night game. Yeah. For sure.
The problem is we've got two candidates for early Saturday games. All right, I'm writing this out. Yeah, we've got two candidates for early Saturday games. One would be the Vikings at the Falcons. Texans should be grandfathered into that slot.
Okay, that's game one.
That's a hell of a weekend of football.
It's going to be so many changes to the seating and everything. No, but think about it. That's like... We just planned out a perfect weekend of football with those. Yes. That makes complete sense. Now I'm kind of attached to that schedule.
We would need to hire you your own Big Dom. Like a Big Dom impersonator. No. To follow you around and try to keep you sober. No. No. He's got to go all out.
You should hire your own Big Dom.
Yeah, run it back. I would not be able to cheer on the Eagles in the Super Bowl.
Yeah. Dude, I would be sitting next to Ed and Alicia.
no there it is Christian McCaffrey's calf exploded yeah I think it was PCL yeah but it looked like his calf exploded the Niners are season from hell it's season from hell this is one of those games where the snow affected one team way way way worse than the other yes like the 49ers looked like they couldn't walk out there yes and the Bills were just doing whatever they wanted did Matt Milano play in this game
That's something that you say when you're building a new stadium.
Are they saying that they're going to leave the old stadium up so it's going to shield the new stadium from the wind?
They should just keep building new stadiums just in between all their old stadiums until it's 100% insulated from the wind.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, Bill's lines. Okay. That's it. Maybe Chargers lines. Oh. Chargers real good.
I mean, if it's Bill's lines, I think everybody's happy. You're not going to let Jerry go to the game?
I think he'd quit. I think he'd be like, I'm going to go work for Mr. Beast.
It's going to end up being Chiefs-Packers and the Chiefs win again.
Bummer city.
I actually think Seahawks Texans would be worse. Seahawks Texans? Yeah.
And in the press conference, Eberflus was asked, I think, three or four times, like, hey, are you fired yet? Yeah. Do you think you're going to be fired? That's all they kept asking over and over. He's like, well, we do our normal operation. He calls everything an operation, by the way.
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I saw a picture of Juan Soto at Hertz Rent-A-Car at Logan International Airport. Did you see that one?
We do everything, you know, according to the standard procedure, which is we talk right after the game and then we're going to talk the next day. And yeah, as he's having that press conference, he's being fired. Yeah, he doesn't know about it. Then he goes, he gets fired. Do you think in a weird way that this was like a job interview, like the Bears were interviewing for Ben Johnson?
There he is. See? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. Juan Soto. That's his sister. No, that's him.
Some of us have long hair.
You're in the conversation. Yeah.
Big stuff. Okay. PFT? My Who's Back of the Week is rivalry trophies. Yeah. Did you guys see the news coming out of UMass?
So UMass and UConn, they play their rivals, bitter rivals. Hank, you know just as well as anyone. There was a trophy that was made for the rivalry game.
So after the game, they did not present the rivalry trophy to UConn. Is that correct? No.
said he was looking for the trophy after the game.
And they were told to get lost. And then UMass just put out a statement saying, regarding yesterday's football game and fan interest in presenting a trophy to the winner, prior to the game, the two schools had not discussed awarding the trophy to the winning team or using the trophy in general as a symbol to a longstanding series.
The trophy was provided to UMass for the first time earlier in the week Not leaving a lot of time to properly consider an official name should have been the come-ass trophy. Secure a mutually beneficial sponsor or execute a marketing plan. In addition, series results still need to be added to the base of the trophy.
Both schools agree that celebrating our 78-game rivalry requires appropriate planning. So now they're asking for the trophy so that they can award it to Coach Mora and his team. We have no issue with this plan, and for now we'll consider the trophy property of the two collectives to be used at their discretion. It's a jug, by the way. It's a cum jug. It's a cum jug. Yeah, yeah.
Why did they not give the trophy? I don't understand how this got held. They made a trophy. Jim Mora Jr. won the trophy. If you make a rivalry trophy, you have to be prepared to give it away. If you don't want to give it away, then you just do the Jim Harbaugh thing and you don't tell the other team about it beforehand. Yeah. And then you just get to keep it if you win it.
During the game. During the game? It's like, do we look enticing enough for you, Ben, to want to come coach us next season?
I got to say, this trophy looks like you got it from a 1980s pottery barn. Yeah, they could have put a little bit more time into the trophy.
That would be interesting to look up, though, and see when both teams are above 500.
Yeah, he clearly said both teams above 500. You didn't know UConn was having a good year. The wood in this trophy looks like an elementary school desk.
It's crazy. It is wild. And Michigan's offense was so bad, it looked like they were trying their best to give that game away to Ohio State, and Ohio State couldn't do shit with it. And then the penalty...
on ryan day at the end of the game yeah not good not a good way to end it not not a good way to beat the fraud allegations ryan get ryan day yeah and then you almost called him ryan ryan gay you did you were very close then the pepper spray yeah it was chaos i mean i love rivalry week what are you gonna say hank
And for the fact that they have seniors that have never and will never beat Michigan.
I think it's funny that they're fighting over planting a flag into an artificial surface field, which you can't plant a flag into.
Hank, as a college football fan, you know this. You know this. Hank, what would happen if Ohio State won the national championship? How do you think Dave would react to that? I know how he reacts. We've won back-to-back national championships. Well, he's the embodiment of Michigan fans.
Yeah, because what happens is every time you bring up that national championship, it starts a story. Yeah. And the story is, yeah, we beat you guys.
Kyle McCord was so awesome. I think they would still love to win a national championship. Oh, for sure. They'd be very happy with it. It wouldn't feel as sweet. They also know that every time they bring it up, they're inviting Michigan fans to be like, we beat you. It would not feel as sweet.
Yeah, I'll say this. I respected what Ohio State did after the game was over in the same way I respect what the Jaguars did when they knocked out Trevor Lawrence.
This would be such a big one, though, Max, for you. This would be the crown jewel of the big ones for James Franklin. Yeah, it would be the one seed, maybe.
No, but I feel like the Big Ten championship. Hank, you don't understand college football rivalries. Championships. I understand championships.
We're talking about beating them up there. Hank, you don't know anything about the Blue Bloods. You want to beat a Blue Blood Big Ten big one.
Memes will take 71. PFT, 100. What? Is 100 in there?
It used to be. What do you mean it used to be?
30.
I think Michigan fans and Ohio State fans, if they hadn't won a national championship recently, then it might be a little bit different.
Where they're like, yeah, national championship is the goal, but since they've accomplished that in their lifetimes and in their recent lifetimes, then they're just like, we want to beat a Robbins.
Ohio State won national championships, though.
Here's the thing. The best part about winning a championship is that you can be like, you guys can't tell me anything. I'm the champion of the world. And guess what? Michigan can tell themselves.
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It's a playing game for UNC, huh? I mean, I know they deserve it, but that would be shocking to see. Those aren't playing colors.
We got Florida playing.
Titus brought up a good point when we were watching that game, and that's that Purdue still gets the Zach Eady fouls. Yeah. And Zach Eady's not there. Correct. But it's just muscle memory for the rest.
Yeah.
What was the run that it ended on? Because it was shocking to watch.
What? For the Vandy coach. Yeah. Yeah.
You want Spradlin? The coach of JVU?
I actually think it was the first one that he said that was the C. Oh, you do? Yeah. The C one's going to be tough to hear as a mom.
I don't follow. Oh, no, Max.
That one. Pussy. I mean, that one. Ask Danny Hurley if you can get his fucking shoelace. That's better than get your fucking shine box. That was all fair.
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And we did see, I think the most impressive thing I've ever seen on a basketball court tonight. I think it was halftime of Kentucky. Yes. Oklahoma and Kentucky. They brought dogs out onto the court. I think there were two Australian Shepherds and one small dog. And these fucking dogs were jumping rope. But it was also two of the dogs that were swinging the rope. Yep. Doing double dutch.
It was a little dog jumping rope. It was incredible.
She's been doing it for a long time. She's been great. One of the all-time goats. But, I mean, I'd be nervous about these dogs.
We should get these dogs to the Barstool office.
Oh, yeah, go ahead. Not college basketball related.
Of fading me? You know what Hank's doing right now? He's doing Father Time is Undefeated.
Yeah. It'll come back up. Fading big cats at a discount right now.
That was my big note.
And seeing, was it Illinois in the ACC tournament against Maryland? Shocking.
Maryland's not in the ACC. Yeah. Got it.
No, they speak different languages.
Boom. Bump and grind. All right, what's the other thing you have? Other thing I had, I've actually got two. I got a couple as well, yeah. They're doing another one of those bracket challenges this year. You know how Warren Buffett says, like, I'll give a billion dollars to anyone that can pick a perfect bracket because it's impossible to do? Yep.
Elon is saying that X is launching its X bracket challenge. Okay. If you get a perfect bracket, you win a trip to Mars.
They do have a cash prize, $100,000 cash prize.
If there's no perfect bracket. I think you can also take an alternate $200,000 cash prize if you get a perfect bracket. Okay. Kind of cheaping out. Kind of cheaping. No one's ever been to Mars yet.
Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see DKNG.co slash audio. Okay, let's go.
Although I would nominate Hank to go. I don't want to go to Mars. Me neither. How far could you hit a golf ball on Mars, though? Far.
Yeah. Then the more important thing that I had, also, Hank, this concerns you. Have you seen what's going on at UNC with Belichick? Oh, yeah.
So apparently Belichick is telling all the North Carolina officials to copy his girlfriend on any emails that they send him.
hank are you still there oh yeah oldie go ahead what yeah that's all i got i'm out what is what is 24 year old girlfriend she's apparently very smart uh philosopher right yeah she is she's a philosophy major he's asking his bosses to copy her on all the emails that go to him maybe he's just trying to stay organized he's a busy guy So he's got his girlfriend as his secretary.
The shadow coach at UNC?
Yeah, so originally he was saying that he wanted her to be copied on everything that related to social media and web content, which makes sense. That does. But apparently that's expanded a little bit to other emails, including whether to accept interview requests from people.
yeah did we get did they dox the emails by accident there was one email that got leaked let's see oh no uh from bill belichick to robbie evans cc michael lombardi thank you robbie thank you for the email i am including jordan on this email so she can also keep up with her postings can you include her on anything that you send to me thank you bb Because that's social media stuff.
Well, that one's social media, but it's apparently expanded a little bit.
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I'm looking at it right now, yeah.
This isn't the Masters. You're allowed to have a phone at Sawgrass.
So apparently it was a collegiate golfer that did it. Rory had him removed by tour security.
And then the college golfer apologized in writing.
Yeah. He robbed the guy. That guy should press charges. There's no difference between him and Patrick Reed.
Yeah, punished. Punished. Punished. Punished and punched and shot. Or if you want to take it farther, charge. Charge. You stole my property. Yeah. You can't do that. And he's probably got a card on there. He's probably got his digital wallet. Yeah. Probably got some nudes.
Yeah. Federal crime.
Dude, just walk away. You should have talked about it after. I'm trying to get in the head of Hank right now for why he's being reluctant to criticize Rory for being a prick. Do you think that one day you could be a professional golfer? No. And you don't want fans to make fun of you? No. But Hank, you know how the internet works.
Holy shit. Kentucky might win. Kentucky also might win.
You know what? Cal would have had the horses.
Wait, but hey, even now you're like, yeah, he should have talked about it afterwards. And then we said he shouldn't have done it. And you're like, yeah, I guess. What... What is it? What's going on, Hank? What's going on, Hank?
Could you ever see Max Homa doing this? No. Could you ever see Brooks doing this? No.
You would have done it? Well, if it was Bosco.
You walk away, and again, if he posts that, he's the loser. You can walk away, or you can squeal your tires and drive away out of control. Rory, also very good at doing that. He can easily do that.
So down a couple of weeks for Popes.
Do we have a new one? No, no. He's recovering. Oh, really? Yeah. So he got rid of his double pneumonia. It's probably not like a permanent solution, but he's better now. Yeah. I also watched Conclave. So now I feel like I'm an expert. Yeah, I know. Everything, yeah.
When somebody says something like that confidently, that's one of the most key indicators that they've talked to a therapist at some point. Right. And he's like, yeah, I realize I don't owe anyone anything. That said... You don't want to say that about fans. You can say it to the media.
When God made the calendar, he made February two days shorter so we could have more March. That's a fact. And thank you for doing that, dear Lord. And also, thank you to Oldie. He's back. Because Oldie's back. He's in the booth right now. Oldie's picks were red hot today. Yeah. What, five and one?
Yeah. When Cam Newton doesn't talk to reporters after a Super Bowl loss, then you just get to write for basically like five years. Cam Newton could learn a lot from any athlete about how to interact with the media respectfully.
I think it relies on the relationship between athletes and fans.
Then nobody knows who you are. Right. Yeah.
You are the media. Yeah. Okay. I also. Also on Rory, as bad as that was, Rory's round today was very funny because he was just constantly driving the ball into the heart of the woods and then somehow making birdies. Because what it would do, it would force him to lay up on his second shot and not go for a crazy long one and then knock it close. So it was a good thing.
The worse Rory is at driving, at least today, the better he was playing on those holes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he wasn't a big fan of Micah even when they were on the same team.
Yeah.
I have a national sports podcast.
I might have gotten got on this. I want to preface this by saying I might have gotten got. I'll back you up. But can we fact check this, Oldie, in real time? It's a hockey story. So can we fact check it?
There you go. That's the one. Bang.
All right, so here's the story that I read today. Okay. The general manager of the Utica Comets traded his son. His son is Will McKinnon. Okay. Will McKinnon. For future considerations. Trade him to Cleveland. Okay. Not even for anything. For future considerations. Okay. Plot twist. What's a consideration?
Four and one. Fired out of the gate.
Like maybe a player to be named later. Maybe a bag of hockey sticks.
Yeah. Yeah. It turns out the GM of the Comets is his dad. Oh. So his dad traded his son to Cleveland, traded him away for future considerations. Good. Fair. Is this a would LeBron do something like this?
It could be. And I want a grandson? Maybe his son has a long-term relationship, long distance, with a girl in Cleveland. Trading him to Cleveland, actually a great dad move.
Also, this could be the mark of an outstanding general manager, though.
Somebody who's willing to... Cutthroat. Yeah, cutthroat. Just pure analytics.
Or maybe some of the players on the team were upset that his son was getting preferential treatment.
Love it. Winner. Oh, yeah. We think about torts.
I'm not embarrassed. I'm consistent. I am not a diehard hockey fan. I'm a Capitals fan.
Yeah.
You didn't let me. I was going to say, what did you think about torts? Do you wish he was still there?
And we should say that if you missed the episode after the All-Star game, the NHL All-Star game, Oldie is our Canadian. You're representing the entire nation on part of my take.
Max, one more question for you here. Paul George being evaluated for multiple injuries, you think is it for him?
Because it's a sad tank.
Here's a compliment, though. This is a very, very fast tank. Yeah. Most teams, it takes them. You had championship, maybe not championship, maybe just deep playoff aspirations at the start of the year. And to recognize halfway through that year, fuck it, let's just be really bad. It usually takes teams a year or two to get to that spot. You accepted being a loser way faster than most teams do.
Championship or bust?
It's a one-year tank.
Yeah, so you're ours. Yeah, that's okay. So if you didn't listen to that, go back and also listen to that episode because Oldie's the man. But yeah, Oldie, big cat's question. What were your impressions of the cave?
It's pretty good. We weren't as ass as people thought that we were going to be ass.
Duke plays UNC. UNC has the opportunity to do a very funny thing. Which is? Just beat Duke. Oh, yeah.
It's basically like getting trapped in a Chuck E. Cheese.
That's why I got to get home somehow, I guess. You had a pretty light day today, huh?
No, you shouldn't. No, you shouldn't. Don't do that. No, no. I wouldn't do that. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't do that. My favorite thing is they say that it's healthy for the environment. When you dye the river neon green, I'm going to guess that it's probably not.
I feel like you were going to jump in the river. He clearly just said he wasn't even thinking about it.
It kind of crossed my mind.
Don't jump in the river. Don't do it, right?
I get lost in so many great games. It's easy to get lost in March, too, when there's multiple games going on. You just have to make decisions and say, I'm going to zero in on this. I'm going to ignore this game where the second half just started, and I'll get back to it. It'll be there when I'm done with this game.
Was it a cracker or pretzel?
You never had a combo of the stuffed in. Some were crackers, some were pretzel on the outside.
I think the only way to get... Oldie, you've never had a bracket day, have you?
We got to bust your bracket, yeah.
Ooh.
Yeah, and I imagine that you get to know these teams pretty well, especially the ones that you cover in the conference tournament. But I also read that you still do a ton of prep going into each game. You've got binders and binders filled with notes. Do you still do that?
It is great. I watched a three-minute long video that was just a super cut of you saying onions after big shots. I just listened to you say the word for three minutes. It was probably the best three minutes of my month. It was fantastic.
It's ASMR for guys.
Yeah. You referenced Last Call, and the legends about you are fantastic. You like to go out. You like to have a good time. I think Jay Billis said that working with you is like going on a three-day bender. Yeah. That might just be more J. Billis not being able to drink at all.
Yeah, yeah. It seems like you're a lot of fun to hang out with. I've read all the stories about you. You know every restaurant owner. You know all the best places to go out late at night. You know great Italian restaurants, the whole nine yards. Do you have a secret to waking up in the morning and maybe have an 11 o'clock tip?
I know I've seen a few of them. I know I'm about to have a great meal.
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And now here's more Bill Raftery.
Yeah, it's good for team building, good for hanging out with the boys.
That's a great. Yeah. I mean, I wish I could have gotten to hang out with Harry.
Wait, do you have to pay us? No, you don't have to pay us.
I don't think that we have either. But yeah, we'll have maybe a couple glasses of wine. Yeah. Tell some stories.
So I want to ask just a little bit about your past because from my understanding, you got started on ESPN when ESPN was not nearly what it is right now. It was kind of a smaller network, and you took a chance by going there. What was that like deciding that you wanted to get into media, into broadcasting, as opposed to coaching?
Yeah. Wheelchair. It looked pretty bad. It looked bad enough where I think he's not going to be 100% in the tournament.
Yeah, I think a lot of guys, when they work in broadcasting, as they get older, a lot of guys kind of form, I don't know if they're upset with the changes that happen to the game, with the way that things are set up, or what it is, but they develop kind of like a bitterness to it. You seem to enjoy watching college basketball more than you ever have.
Would you say that's probably because you're around younger people, or is that just who you are?
They might keep him out both games.
Yeah. One of the things that you do that I love the most is you let the viewers know right off the bat if they're playing man-to-man. Right off the bat. There's no question about it. Have you ever screwed up a man-to-man call where you say man-to-man?
I'm not a doctor, but you can say a sprain is worse than a break. Yeah. It wasn't a high ankle sprain. That's the only good thing. Yeah, because it rolled. It didn't get caught under him or anything.
Yeah. Yeah. Which teams are you most excited to call in the NCAA tournament? The ones that you've watched this year that you you're very excited to see where they go.
This year, what are you looking at?
It might have been a Paul Pierce situation.
Do you have one that you want back? One that you think about, keeps you up at night?
Right. Even for a Duke player.
I love it. Do you ever get upset with Grant Hill because he's such a Duke homer? You're like, chill out, Grant.
He actually does. I don't mind Grant Hill. I like Grant Hill a lot, in fact. He does a good job playing it straight down the middle. But no matter what happens, there's always going to be somebody that thinks that they hate your team. Except for you, maybe. I don't know. Do you ever get people that come up to you and you're like, hey, why do you hate Cal so much?
Yeah, so on Sunday, you're going to be watching just like everybody else, I guess, right? Or do you get the bracket before it comes out?
Is there anything that you're rooting for? Like any specific region you'd like to do?
But Flag, yeah, it was a tough look in the wheelchair. I get that it was a long way to the training room. Yeah. That's their explanation for it. I hope he gets better. Hey, I want to send a message, though, to Cooper Flag. Cooper. This is why you got to go to the NBA. Yeah. No matter who drafts you, no matter who is in position to lottery, you're risking injury if you come back.
Yeah, it's always college hoops, which I love. I love saying college hoops.
You'll have to get to the bottom of that for me.
Maybe it's an answer that we're not meant to know.
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Yeah.
Wait, wait. Memes has him listed on line seven? Oh, yeah. I don't even know what this is. We only have one, two, three, four, five. I'm a first liner. We only have six microphones.
It's funny, because right after you take a shit, your shit's funny. I know there's a bunch of group chats that people have. They take a picture. Look at this gross shit I just took, and they sent it. That same shit, if you wait eight hours, you're horrified by your own poop.
yeah that's gross it was gross it's gross there's no i really like i said i didn't want to mention it but that's really gross it was gross i think that's really really but hank you know what i got i think i got this yesterday might it even be tuesday the first email from a golf course saying it's that time of year we're opening up this weekend no carts though you can go out there and walk but we will have the course available for play on friday
Get back out there. What are we shooting this summer? Give me some goals.
I'll say, all right, fine. These aren't Hank's ideas.
I just don't have time to go out. It's not Hank's idea that he gets forced into playing golf for work. Literally.
Yeah.
Trent put out, it was a performance for the ages. He had the best moments of anybody that golfed yesterday. The shot that he took on that hill where it looked like his ankle snapped in half. And then he just created a new bunker and his ball came to rest in that bunker. It was, it was so funny, so relatable. And then his performance on 17 was, it was real life 10 cup.
It's a new bunker that he made on that hole. And yeah, it's, it's, I'd say likely that somebody will find themselves in or around that divot that he took.
And I'd like to also see the total distance on every shot that he took on 17. It's a 130-yard hole. I think he probably hit like 700 yards worth of shots on that hole. Yeah. It was great, but I was so happy for him when it landed. He said he only had two balls left.
Oh, yeah. Billy Horvath or something. Billy Horschel. Maybe Billy Horschel. But yeah, I thought the same thing for a little bit.
Yeah. I think he's the biggest YouTube golfer.
Yeah. Shout out Kyle Berkshire. Sorry that I wasn't on his bag. He asked me to be on his bag. I accepted to be on his bag in the video, but things come up at part of my take, and we had interviews and stuff this week, so I couldn't make it down there. It would have been fun, though. P, that could have been me.
Oh, yeah.
Oldie can produce. It sounds like you're scared.
The thing is, time moves really quickly. Time does move quickly. You're scared, Hank.
He did.
Keep your hands above. Also, I love that one of the biggest storylines in the players this weekend is that they moved a tree.
yeah it's so cool like a tree there was a an iconic tree that blocked your t-shot on i think 11 and the tree went away because they had to it was dying and they found a perfect tree to take its place picked it up and moved the tree into the tree box and now everybody's super proud of the tree yeah like have you seen the tree yet um my fire fest of the week uh there's a couple one is actually not my fire fest but i think it's a fire fest for all guys in general
Okay. And this comes to us from our good friend, co-worker Hubs. And Hubs tweeted this out last night. Did you see this, Hank? No, I didn't. He said, my fiance just asked me with a straight face, when was the first time I dunked? She just assumed throughout our entire relationship I've been dunking. Was stunned beyond belief when I said none of my friend group can do it.
I wonder how fast she thinks I can throw a baseball. Hubs is probably about my height. And he's bringing to light the fact that a lot of women just think that all men can dunk. Yeah. And so it's like, when did you first dunk? Like, when did you first learn how to ride a bike? And this is bad for guys.
Yeah.
kids assume that like every adult guy is either a former professional athlete maybe a former firefighter firefighter maybe police officer maybe an astronaut yeah you're like no i i sit behind a mic and fart i'm a podcaster but yeah so i do i didn't know this until hubs tweeted out and then a lot of people replied saying yeah i asked my girlfriend or wife and a lot of women just think guys all guys can dunk yeah that's bad that's very bad hank
It does seem easier than it is, doesn't it? Yeah, you were basically a chick a year ago.
I'll be able to dunk.
Soon.
Yeah. I would just say, like, when was the last time I played 2K? Like, four years ago?
Yeah. And then the other Fyre Fest is... Actually, Fyre Fest. Fyre Fest 2. It's happening. Oh, yeah. It's happening. Hell yes. In Isla Mujeres, Mexico. Allegedly, it's happening. I think it's May 30th. And they've got all these packages. I was looking on the website. There's one. You can buy a ticket for a million dollars. They have a million dollar package that you can purchase.
They haven't announced who's playing. So before I spent the million dollars on the ticket, I hit up Billy McFarlane, the guy that runs Firefest. I was like, hey, what does the lineup look like? And he told me he wanted to announce DMX, but they wouldn't let him yet. DMX died like four years ago. He was joking. That was a joke. That was a joke from Billy McFarlane.
But he did say, because I said either I or somebody at Barstool should go to Firefest too. And he said that he will give us a ticket if we want to go. May 30th. I don't. I don't. You don't want to go to Mexico? It would be cool.
Yeah. If I can get you a ticket, would you go? You can't deny the ticket.
You just don't drink water.
Yeah. So there have been a couple of denials from the local authorities. Some people saying that it's not happening. I'm choosing to believe Billy until... What has Billy done to make me doubt him? Does he still have the dude that will suck dick for water? He should be there. Yeah. That's a guy that you want on your team. All-time guy.
Just accept like I'm going to go to hell, but it's worth it because I get to play in March.
So yeah, we'll try to get, if this happens, I do want oldie to go. That would be fun.
Yes. If you say minimum of one bed, though, and there's not a bed, that's a problem. Yeah.
Yeah, probably. They'll get the guy that sucked dick for water to come in there and blow up your bet.
I think it's Isla Mujeres. Yeah, Isla Mujeres. It's a tropical island off Cancun, Mexico. Oh, okay. I thought that was the Jurassic Park Island the first time I heard it. Yeah.
Sometimes the less you work out, the tireder you get. Oh, yeah, big time. What do you think about getting some of those little pedals that you put under your desk? What if we just had those in the cage?
They don't rivalry game buzz going after it. Yeah. Buzz. Interesting decisions at the end.
So you sprayed the bug spray on yourself on the plane?
That's concerning to me that the stewardess had bug spray on the plane. She must have known. She knew. That's the flight I took.
Yeah, I root for Buzz, but sometimes he makes me say, Buzz, maybe your suit's too tight.
That's tough. When you go through security and you go through that big machine that scans you, do they ever stop you afterwards and they're like, sir, please empty your pockets and they check your crotch? The pouch, no. No. I had to do that today. I put my hands up.
Move on. You remember that house. Snow him in. You're not filling my hole right. My husband does a way better job of filling that hole.
Oh, no. Hank, you drive a chick car? What's wrong with a Q3?
I did. They were in the first four out. Yes. With Ohio State and I guess. Was Ohio State one of the. They were one of the first four out today. Yeah. Unfortunately. Yes. Yep. And then. Yeah. Let's see. Texas. Texas probably is now in.
I'm looking at the... Oh, he doesn't even update it on Twitter? No, it was on the broadcast. Okay. He was doing it live on the broadcast. Lenardi.
But again, Joe Lenardi is not always correct.
I think... How are you not doing a minute-by-minute? I think he only does it on the air, so you have to watch the games for it.
So this is the end of the run for Neptune. Kyle Neptune.
Yeah, it sure is.
Yeah, Stanford chucked that away.
It is great, man. This is such a fun time to just sit on your ass and watch sports. Watch so much sports.
There was one second left. So you had some of the orange on the backboard light up, and then a half second later, the rest of the backboard lit up.
Now, if that was the Chiefs' plan, they would have just turned off the shot clock, right?
That's how it worked with them?
We watched them all year. They weren't good. Are we ready to say that Kansas is going to be the five seed that you should bet against?
17. 17.
Absolutely.
Absolutely. 100%.
We have four Shredders and one turtle?
Amazing turn.
Fuck yes.
I'm going to need those.
Actually, you're going for the axe. Let's get it. Let's get this axe. Get out of here.
Yeah, yeah. Shredders. Shredders.
I love it.
33.
That's right. It's a pretty wonderful tradition. Captain Santa was born one Hermann Schoenemann, obviously German, in somewhere probably around 1865. And he was second in line in the family business. His brother Auguste. would also do this along Lake Michigan, sell trees from the schooner. But Captain Santa was not a rich man. He only owned one-eighth share of the Rouse Simmons.
He was heavily in debt because he owned a saloon that – Put him about $1,300 in debt, about $42,000 today. So he wasn't a rich guy, which made the fact that he had some financial hardships even more heartwarming that this guy would still give away trees if he couldn't afford one.
That's right. And it's a rare Christmas short stuff where we also have to issue a warning. for kids listening that this story, while beautiful and lovely, takes a very dark turn as yet another maritime disaster episode.
Are we going to be right back after this? Yeah, I think so. All right. Part two coming up. Okay, we're back. We're somber. The Christmas joy has now been replaced by yet another maritime disaster. Because after they set sail on November 22, 1912, heavily loaded with 3,000 to 5,000 Christmas trees, a floating forest, as you said, things went bad.
They knew things could go bad because August, that older brother that we talked about, he actually already had died in a boat, a ship-loaded with Christmas trees. Not too long before, I believe about 14 years earlier, November 1898, devastated the family, obviously, but Erman marched on. The schooner was spotted by a life-saving station at Keweenee, Wisconsin.
It had its flag at half-mast, which means, I need help. Their motorboat was the only vessel that could make it in the storm, but it was on the lake already doing something out of touch. So by the time they got in touch with the station at Two Rivers and got their motorboat out, it was too late. That boat was gone.
Yeah, this was so funny to me. I just have to tell everyone when Josh sent it, I thought he was sending it as a joke of like, hey, here's a Christmas thing. Because I had already given him a hard time about all the maritime disaster episodes we do. And here was another one. And you're like, do we do a lot of those? Yeah. I was like, are you kidding me? I still couldn't tell.
Yeah. That came over the next weeks and months when Christmas trees started washing up on the Wisconsin shoreline.
It turns out that their fears were confirmed. The Ralph Simmons was never seen again. Up to 23 people perished. It seems like there were some lumberjacks who hitched a ride in addition to Captain Santa and the crew. And they, you know, people would find things here and there in 1924. This is pretty remarkable. They actually found Captain Santa's wallet wrapped in waterproof oil skin.
Yeah, but the cool thing about his family continuing, even when they brought him in by train, they would take them to a docked schooner and sell them from that. And even after that, They sold trees from a lot. So they were just a legit Christmas tree business family by that point. But like you said, that kind of was the beginning of the end for the whole practice.
There are some interesting little – Sort of ghost stories and rumors, I guess you might call them, that like you can still smell evergreen in that area and that the trees may have maybe still be in good shape, like preserved at the bottom of Lake Michigan.
That's incredible. I don't I can't get my needles to last through New Year's.
Yeah. Amazing. And I believe where the evergreen scent is present is near Barbara's grave site. Right. At Acacia Park Cemetery in Chicago. One thing that struck me is very sad. I mean, obviously, the 23 souls aboard, including Captain Santa, is very tragic. But I also feel bad about 5000 live trees that just went to waste.
Yeah, but hey, this one is about the death of Captain Santa.
Yeah, it has a dark center. It's called a happy Christmas sandwich.
That's right. And is this coming out, when would this be, like a couple of days before New Year's?
Yeah, this one has a very cool story around it, though, because in Chicago around the turn of the last century, they did a very cool thing wherein if you needed a Christmas tree. You could head down to the Chicago River and you could go aboard a real sailing ship loaded with Christmas lights and Christmas trees, like a little temporary Christmas tree lot to pick out your tree.
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Right, yeah. Dan and I had done a... Dan was... And I had done a bunch of comedies together. We did a crazy pilot called Lipschitz Saves the World with Leslie Nielsen. Oh, really? And a young Ty Burrell. Wow. Pre-modern family days. We had a blast doing that. We'd done a crazy basketball pilot. And then we did a show called The Neighbors together. Oh, okay.
Oh, man.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Oh, really? Do you remember that? That doesn't, oh, so I was thinking of like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now in the hotel room.
Oh my God, I do remember that.
for a few seasons at ABC, which then dovetailed into a show Dan created called Galavant.
Oh, unbelievably so. No, no, no, no.
No, Dan is a creature of the edit room. I mean, I'm always... It's great to watch Dan work because I really feel like the editorial process is the next pass of writing. And, you know, we would overshoot. Sometimes we would overshoot. And so what ends up getting sort of... you know, sort of molded into that final episode. But I was always happy with the cuts, you know?
Yeah, you knew because I would do one take and go, great.
Musical, yes. Which was a crazy musical. Alan Menken did the music. And then that dovetailed into a show called Grandfathered. Yeah. So we just had this nice run of doing some really fun stuff. But I had always been in comedy.
Sometimes I'd cut before you were done and go, we got it. We got it. We got it. I do remember you saying that. No, no, no.
I mean, look, like Dan and I have worked together for a long time. And he's also very respectful of like, he knows if I'm doing a thing or if I'm shooting a thing and he's protective of that.
But I have worked on shows. that shall remain nameless, where I can't watch a cut afterwards because it does get butchered. Because sometimes some shows, they're not thinking of it maybe visually. It's just more line cuts. Um, and so that can be frustrating, obviously. So I don't always watch stuff.
It's always like, I do prefer if I like create a show and in producing it, like it's more like, you know, doing a feature where you're kind of in for the whole run.
So, you know, it's always like first day of high school feeling, you know, getting to know everybody. And I mean, this was such a lovely, happy set. I've been very fortunate that I've been on a lot of really happy sets that, um, that are nice places to be. And there are some that aren't, but, um, yeah.
But yeah, it takes about, I don't know, when it's your first day of shooting, it takes about, I don't know, half a day until I feel comfortable getting to know the crew, getting to know everybody, getting to know the style of the show, getting to know the pace and all of that. And it's also tricky with a show like this one, where I didn't always know where the season was headed.
So that was always tricky, because with your character, I knew as much as I could know at that point, but you sometimes might even know more than I do. And so sometimes I'd be watching how you'd be playing something,
And I would be kind of, I just get caught up in the performance because I wouldn't know necessarily where it was headed or why you were having such a reaction to a moment, which is always interesting. Fascinating. It sounds like I just didn't do my homework. I know. But sometimes there's no homework to do.
And then Dan did Pitch and This Is Us the same year. And he was like, Koch, why don't you come do some drama? I'm like, they're not going to let me do drama. I'm a comedy guy. You know how they are. And they are the network executives who I love. They're wonderful people. Should we name them? Yeah.
No, no, yeah, you watch everything.
And if they haven't been shot yet, you read everything. Okay. especially with a show like this, or I've been working, Dan's had me working with him on murders. Same thing. But that's a crime thing, so it's all about the clues. Sure, sure, sure.
Oh, it's literally like, oh, can you just shoot that little box of fish poison for two seconds? What do you mean? I mean, not fish poison, rat poison. You're like, oh, well, it'll matter later. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Just put the camera on it.
And roll, yeah.
Yeah, so anyway, thanks to Dan, you know, he got me involved in doing this show, and it was phenomenal. Did you do a pitch as well? I did a pitch, and then I, in the same year, I came over and did one with you guys. Your first This Is Us was which one? Do you remember? Birthday Party.
Yeah, it was a game that we could show legally, which was like some knockoff. Yeah, but I almost bought Centipede that day. The guy had one. Oh, that's right. I remember that. I know. We were in like Koreatown.
You're like, how did it get so dark in here? And it was like our imitating life. I mean, you really did. You would just disappear where we were setting up and you'd be off like playing. That would, yeah.
I remember we shot it. I mean, that's one of the few, in all my episodes, that was one of those moments that stands out where... you know, I wasn't directing him, I was just watching you. Just like you just, we just sat there and watched. We were all so choked up, just blown away by that performance. It was very nice. And it went on. I mean, it went on.
I mean, what ends up in the show is incredibly powerful and smartly the right length. But like, it was really intense. Yeah.
Yeah, which was crazy.
It was a lot. And I hate kids, so... I was going to say...
the fuck, who are these people? Is that because you felt not comfortable to do that level of performance in front of essentially strangers? Essentially strangers.
because I needed, like... Well, you know, you're also making me realize if it was a split crew day, that usually happened right at the beginning, too, of my... Like, whenever I got sort of the B crew, it was usually at the beginning of an episode for some reason.
Which is a whole other layer for you because, you know, you're doing that scene out of order, which is always the trick with acting to me, that you guys can do that, that you can... Not shoot in sequential order. Exactly. And then still be able to pull that out is amazing.
I think it's easier in some regards to do drama than comedy because I'm not chasing why it's not funny. Sure. What's the joke? What's the alt? You know, there's that kind of thing. Yep. And it's a joy to work with actors like you guys where, you know, pretty much within three or four takes, we have what we need and we move on.
Well, one could make the argument that being in that situation with a bunch of people you didn't know actually added to the uncomfortable nature of it. For sure.
And then sort of the style of shooting with Yasu and how it's sort of got a free flow, handheld style.
is very forgiving and fast and fun. So I don't know. I found it really freeing and enjoyable to be in the drama space. That said, it's kind of funny that there was so much comedy in the show.
A lot of levity. We keep talking about that.
This makes me wonder, though, as the show evolved, did you guys ever share any personal stories with the writers that then became... I think this is part of that.
Too close. And my girls were adopted from Ethiopia. Dan's known them since they were infants. And so many of the storylines just resonated with me. Yeah, man. You know, the storyline about the haircut.
You know, I don't know. So it was, you know, and we have stuff in this episode, which we'll talk about as well. But that, you know, it really resonated with me working on this show so many times because of the whole mixed family experience, which is mine, you know, and by the way, the show was huge with the adoption community as well.
It's a great scene, because I will try and have little pep talks with my daughters, and it just goes flat. And you're like, okay. But what's great about that scene, in my opinion, is that it does set up that scene later when Kevin's in bed, sleeping off his hangover.
What were the other titles? Like, they were...
You're like, how about some Loggins and Messina then?
I mean, it's just stuff that happens to you, right? Like the way it happens in the show. So like... I mean, I remember when my kids were little and I'm at a pool party and some white dude comes over, he's like, do you have to use suntan lotion on them?
Like, so there was that kind of shit all the time. Yeah. He didn't know he was being an idiot. He didn't know. He didn't know. He doesn't know. Yeah. But, you know, or the, my other, and this is, and this is just an adoption thing. I can't tell how many people would say, you know, they'd meet the girls. I go, so are they sisters? Yeah. And I'd be like, yeah, they're sisters.
Of course they're sisters. What else? And they're saying it in front of my kids like my kids can't hear or speak English.
So there's a lot of stuff that comes out of what I would call like innocent ignorance. Yeah. Right? Agreed. And then there's humorous things that happen. Like when my daughter, Mezzy, was home. Mimi and Mezzy are my daughters. And Mezzy was little. We're in Target. she's acting up and throwing a tantrum. She takes off, and I'm like, I'll get her. So I go through Target, just me. I pick her up.
She's kicking and screaming, going, mommy, mommy, mommy. And here I am, this white dude, holding this little 18-month-old black girl, and the security guard comes over. He's like, everything okay here? And I'm like, I'm her father. And I said it in a way that it was clear that I was her father because I was so pissed off. And he was like, oh, I'm so sorry. And we were laughing about it later.
Yeah, man. It's a strong visual, though.
No, it's just stuff I don't even think about. Right. Like I'm not even thinking about it. Sure. Yeah. But, you know, I'll tell one more story and then you can cut this one out.
You'll cut it in. No, like when they were teenagers and we're in New York City and we're in Washington Square Park. My daughter is sitting in the fountain just, and it's a great picture. So I'm sneaking up behind with my camera to take her picture.
And I'm sneaking up to take her picture and a couple of like, I don't know, 20-something black guys come over with their skateboards and they're like, everything okay, little sister? To her. Yeah. And then they look at me like, what the hell are you doing? Yeah. And I, in that moment, was like, I go, oh, I'm, you know, I'm like, no, I'm her dad.
And then I turned and it was like, it hit me and I go, but thank you. Yeah. Because that was the right thing to do.
They don't know who I am.
So, you know, there's... Wow, man. But that said, we haven't had a ton of those kind of moments, honestly. But when they happen, it's always interesting to note.
skirt around it yeah i mean the the the kids guide the conversation usually they're way ahead of us well not my wife me usually okay but like even you know when they were very little like three like you know my daughter's like how come uh we're chocolate and you're vanilla Great question. To which I said, I'm peach, actually. Technically. Technically. You and I, Chris, we're peach.
Lots of sun damage. So they're asking questions like that. You just give the best... You're just honest. You tell the story. They know the tale. They know how we're a family. And it's all so tricky...
for them too because they're from ethiopia yeah so a lot of ethiopian adoptive teens can find themselves in a tricky situation because the the black american kids don't necessarily accept them the native ethiopian kids don't necessarily accept them and they find themselves in this in-between zone yeah
that, and it's just good friendships that they have to build across, you know, they find their friends in the school. My girls are a big part of the black student union. And initially, you know, I actually, there was a moment when like they were questioned as to how black they actually were because they're in a mixed family. Do you really understand what a barbecue is? That was the question. Yes.
So I went to Wikipedia. I looked up what a barbecue was. Seems like a lot of fun.
But what's great is that the happy ending, it's like the girls navigated that moment and then became like best friends with the kid that raised that issue. I got you. So it was a positive thing. That's awesome. Yeah, we made them go and confront it and deal with it.
Wow, this got heavy.
What do you think it's going to be? You thought your nervous breakdown was going to be the thing.
And the casting of the woman was great at the gas station because it was not the expected casting. And it was a subtle moment. And it was just really well done. And I also like in the kitchen conversation that the significance of the silk pillow is not discussed. She just says, because it's just known between them. So for half of the audience that doesn't know, it's still a mystery.
We're still waiting to learn. So half the audience is Kevin in that moment, right? Until he gets explained to them.
Who played Robinson? He was so lovely. My man from night court. Charles Robinson.
You're welcome. My pleasure. We're just jumping ahead. I'm like, I don't remember directing that scene.
Well, but one of, you know, there were so many poignant moments in this episode. And one that really struck me personally was Beth's interview.
And just that moment of, You know, because when I was starting on this business, I had a meeting with a studio, head of a studio. And it was going great. It was like this meeting. It was all going great. And then I was asked one question about this pitch we had. And it was like a left field question. And I, my brain went into like empty space. I don't have a response. I don't have a response.
It was that moment that she's going through in the show really resonated. Because yes, not only did she get fired and that's what's behind it, but just that moment when you draw a blank.
And the woman that is interviewing her is such great casting because she's just like... So sweet. But you're also sweet but not friendly. Sure. Yeah. Right? So it's like you're on right now. Right. And just that, like, you get into that panic mode of like, oh, I have nothing to say. I can't think of a word. And then...
And she does a look. that I just watched the episode again, and I remember on the day that Susan does a look that is so impactful. She says, are you okay? And she just takes a moment, and she just has this little bit of a smile and a head nod. It's so profound. Yeah, it's really a great performance. That's Sue. Yeah.
Well, this has been a great rehearsal. Let's start to roll on this.
It's funny if you come back, there's just a straw dummy here. Yeah.
Oh, man. Well, thank you.
Can people see your photography anywhere yet? You know, I'll let you know. Yes, I'm about to launch that on a website and do all that stuff. Finally, after years of... When you do, let us know.
Oh, yes, you did.
Yeah, we got a Koch original. Oh, dude.
I will, yeah. And Dan's been bugging me to do it, too, so I need to, like, you know, finally organize it.
Yeah, okay. Okay.
No, I know. Put it right here on this coffee table. Well, yeah, we won't talk about it on this, but I do have one. It's my cross-country trip with my dog. Oh. These photos are great. These photos are great. They're pretty funny. Okay. All right. Christmas is coming, guys. Christmas is coming. All right. Thank you.
I just finished Murderers, yeah. And that's just always a blast. It's such a fun show. Yeah.
I will say what's really great about working on This Is Us or Murders, it's like for me as a director, it's like you're stepping into the world to a large degree because you're on the sets, I'm with you guys, and it feels like you're in... Like when I watched the episode last night of this one, I feel like I'm in... those scenes again, or we're in that world.
It really is like, it's not just a day of work, right? It was all those characters and all those storylines. So thanks to you guys, which, and you know, you always made it such a welcoming family to be a part of for me.
Is that true? Yeah, I guess. I mean, I actually had started doing Nickelodeon stuff. Really? Yeah, I did a little show. Well, my start was on a show called The Adventures of Pete and Pete.
We've talked about this, yeah. Which is funny, because now folks of a certain age grew up on that show. So when I did Workaholics, those guys all grew up on that show.
You know, so that was a great way to get started. So I was in that kind of kid world for a while. And so, yeah, like I know kind of how to work with kids, but, you know, to be honest with you, the casting on this show was so great. Sure. It's not like I had to do it. Tell us about this kid. Yeah. Because he comes out the gate swinging.
He just, well, you know, the thing is, you just, like, let him play himself, right? It's not like he did something and I was like, oh, do this differently. Like, he just was dialed in, really, you know? I mean, he's very, he just, you know, he's just very subtle and very powerful in his quietness.
which is great casting, right? Because that's how you're playing it. And he doesn't know that going in, really. He hasn't hung out with you. How much time do you spend with that kid before the episode? I've never met him. Exactly. That's my point.
It's fantastic. Don't tell me how it ends. Stop.
Yeah. Only 11? I know. It feels like you did 25. Yeah. How many did Olin do? I don't know.
No.
Yeah.
Who else here hates their mother?
He doesn't have the energy for that.
I should have just lied.
The Three Amigos picture was creepy, though. It was a little creepy. A little bit, yeah.
Yeah.
I'm going to go for it. Yeah, because she was amazing. I remember when we were doing takes, I was like, wow, wait a second.
Did we ever say what you were taking?
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You have directed this movie. It is called Sacramento. It is starring yourself and Michael Cera and your wife, partner. My... Both. Wife and partner. Wife and partner. Yes. Maya Erskine. Yes. And Kristen Stewart. Yes. Yeah. And I saw the premiere about a week ago. Yeah. And the movie has not left my brain.
It's this tiny device that you breathe into. It takes like 30 seconds. It reads whether your body is burning fat or carbs and gives you a score from one to five.
Yeah. This little device, when we started working with Lumen, I didn't realize that this type of technology existed.
And it's such good information to have. And the little Lumen's like, no, no, you're in this spot. You need to be doing more of this. You're burning too many carbs in the morning. Today is going to be a low carb day for you. Yeah. The feedback is very helpful to like plan my day out. Yeah.
On today's episode of That Was Us, we're diving into Season 3, Episode 4, Vietnam. After watching his young brother Nicky get selected in the U.S. draft lottery for the Vietnam War, Jack makes a life-altering decision to enlist himself, forever changing the course of both of their lives.
If you're looking for more energy, better sleep, and support with weight management, this is it.
Had you done any military stuff before? No. You had. Yeah. You'd done Whiskey Tango. I'd done Whiskey Tango.
It is a classic, like grounded in reality, heartfelt, straight up comedy, which nobody makes anymore. Very true. And you have to see this movie.
Yeah. And it just seems like a lot of pressure to represent... A time or a person. I didn't know if you guys had had any experience with that. Have you had any?
Where it's like, this is a different level of...
Responsibility. Impersonation, for lack of a better word.
This is actually a little bit, before we get past this part in the story, I have a little bit of a hot take. Oh, let's hear it. And it's a Jack Pearson hot take. Come on now. Go for it. Don't look at me that way.
Yeah, right. Let's hear it. It didn't track for me. That Jack was not supportive of his fellow soldier's baseball dreams.
He kind of is like, yeah, good luck with that. And I was like, that doesn't feel... Well, it felt kind of... Jack Pearson to me. I feel like Jack Pearson would have been like... It just felt a little like...
You know what I mean? A little bit, but there's a certain part. I understand it's a hot take.
That's what I mean. But what I mean is, morale-wise, dreams-wise, I was like, I feel like Jack Pearson would be like, you know what? Supportive? You can do anything, buddy.
It's a lukewarm take then.
That ain't no wig.
Shoulder length hair. Really good hair. Crackle pop. Shoulder length. Yes, sir. So we find Jack and Nikki in this garage. Yeah. Discussing... The impending draft. The impending draft, right.
The kids, the baby Nikki and Jack are playing with their toys.
You know what I'm saying? How do these conversations work for you when you are coming in to a like this, this domestic abuse storylines been going on in our show for a few ups for, you know, a season, a season and a half now. Um, and how, how do they catch you up to speed on? That's a good question.
can feel this tension yeah like this this decades-old tension in this house yeah between and and the four of you familiarity if you were in this living room and it's just like really painful just to watch you be in the room together yeah there's also this sort of nikki is i mean if you to simplify
Because this is something that his mom tells him over and over and over again. Born Lucky. You were born lucky. Yeah. Because the nurse, we find out, has told your mother that this is going to be a lucky baby. Yeah. Because of the number 18.
Correct.
By like three minutes. Yeah. They show the clock and you were, it's like.
If he'd been born 10 minutes later, he'd have been October 19th. Right. And then he wouldn't have gotten drafted.
Yeah, I think you're right. The traumatic level of stress on a nation to have to sit down What was it? What were they doing? Once a week or once a... Once a week feels very often. But it clearly was like a planned thing. Yeah. And it happened... More than once. More than once. Yeah, yeah. The draft, as far as the history of our country goes... Is that only in Vietnam?
There were other drafts?
Sure.
My dad, I just, last Christmas I got my parents one of these storytelling websites. Okay.
Yeah, and they send you a prompt question to answer and you can write a little story. about your life. And it's like a good way to get stories you might not know how to get or have the context to get. But my dad wrote a lot about this time and how traumatic it was.
Like the waiting and the... My dad eventually joined the National Guard.
In an attempt to delay his draft because National Guardsmen were the last to be sent overseas.
Okay. And so he joined in San Francisco and ended up on like a riot patrol protecting fire trucks in San Francisco at the time. And he just has all these stories and apparently he missed going by like one or two rounds. Wow.
My dad was born in 47. Okay. Oh, wow.
What'd you look up? I was checking your Wikipedia.
No, no, I knew that. I knew that. I was just seeing what his fourth movie was.
You guys, sometimes life is nonstop. Sterling, you know this. Mandy, you know this. Whether it's struggling work, family, or trying to squeeze in a walk between episodes. That's hard. And that is when having a smart, satisfying snack really matters. That is where David comes in. Come on, David.
It's secondhand. You introduced us to David because you love David. They're my favorite portion of ours. And since we started working with them, they sent us a bunch. And I literally have not walked out my front door. Without one. Without one in the last three months.
Yeah, and most protein bars are basically like candy in disguise. Yes. David is not. Come on, David. It's high-quality nutrition that fits into real life. And they're available in a variety of fantastic flavors. All of them worth trying. I have literally tried all of them. Yes. And I have enjoyed them all.
And even though the world is having more open conversations about mental health these days, it's still hard for people to reach out. A recent survey found that 26% of Americans have avoided seeking help because of fear of judgment.
I think we've all talked about our therapeutic experiences on this podcast. It is important to talk about things. Yes. And it is extra important if it's heavy stuff to consult a professional who knows how to hold space, who knows how to give you the safe opportunity to work things through. Yeah.
Yeah.
And I will say that this is one of the best parts about BetterHelp. A lot of people, they go to therapy, they see one therapist and they're like, I don't like the way this feels. And they go, therapy is not for me. Right. And then it's a pain to find a new therapist and to keep telling your story over and over again.
But with BetterHelp, you can switch therapists anytime for no extra charge because finding the right fit matters.
They make it all the way up and they're staying in the motel overnight and they say the next morning we'll We'll get you across the border. Yeah. But when Jack wakes up, Nicky is gone. He's gone. He's written him a note. And there's a note. Yeah. Jack, thanks for always taking care of me. But it's my turn to save the Dave now. Love you. CK.
With that navy blue and gold stripe around the- You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Thank you for being honest. Streak marks were real. When I woke up this morning and I was like, you know, when we get into this Vietnam episode.
We better, Sterling, better be honest. Listen. About the streak marks in his childhood underwear.
Where else are they going to get it?
Excuse me. Good store manager. Where do you keep your mahogany briefs? Briefs.
Like jean shorts.
Listen, MeUndies, if you're listening... Yeah. We're here. We're here for you. Wonderful addendum.
I don't know if that's a story point thing or whatnot, but it was... Well, they're essentially... He's talking to this doctor about how to get around it.
Because there are a lot of people who felt an obligation and a duty who were... Weren't able to. Who weren't able to and tried to figure out ways to get around it.
I need to be where he is.
I mean, have you guys not seen Paradise?
There's no time to clean.
How many calories you burn?
I appreciate that you included me in your fitness category. That was very kind of you.
You wouldn't believe the amount of calories I can eat burning.
Which is great. Zone two cardio.
Hey, let me tell you. Zone two cardio.
Zone two cardio is where they want to be.
That's right. That's right. I've literally just got a little hot just talking about zone two cardio. So I think it's zone one and a half right now. One of the last things in the flashback that we see that was one of the more powerful images for me in this episode was in the flashback after Nikki died. Nikki is born. Yeah.
Young Jack and Stanley are standing at the window looking at all of these babies. Yeah. And Stanley is telling little Jack, now remember, big brothers look out for their little brothers. That's right. It's their only job. It's the only thing that matters.
Which is maybe the greatest thing his dad has said to him.
But also, yeah, 18 years from now. every single baby in this room. Every little boy, yeah. If he is a, yeah. So powerful.
I'm kidding.
So necessary. Yeah. It really is. I brought my buddy Simon and as soon as it was done, we both were like, I would sit down and watch that again right now. And I haven't felt that way about a movie in a long time. It's also only 84 minutes long. That helps. That does help. Take it straight to the end. That's perfect. That's what I want. You want a movie either 90 minutes or four hours long.
Yeah.
26% of Americans surveyed have avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of being judged.
Yeah. There's an omniscience in our show that demonstrates the... I don't know where the adage comes from, but the idea that if you knew... anyone's story yeah there's nobody you can't forgive right you know there's there's nothing you can't forgive yeah because we all start as these little babies yeah being born sure all lucky to be born and then things unfold differently for all of us. Yeah.
Um, go see Sacramento when this episode drops. I'm not sure. Uh, Will it still be in theaters?
But when is it in theaters now? It's in theaters now. So please, if you're watching right now, go see Sacramento. It's in theaters now, starring Michael Angarano, Michael Cera, Maya Erskine, and Kristen Stewart. It's one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Thanks, man. Thank you for being on the podcast. Thank you for having me.
And hopefully you come back and talk to us again. I love that. Yeah. Maybe we'll get you and Griffin in here at the same time. Oh, that'd be cool. That'd be nice. Dueling Nickies. Yeah. I like that. And we do have a fan segment today. Let's do it. So will you stick around and do that with us for a couple minutes? Great. We'll see you in a sec.
Four hours? Four hours? Do we? If you can't tell it in 90 minutes, it better take four hours. Right. But like 245? What's 245? It's offensive. Right, a four hour.
Then he wasn't.
No.
My dad wasn't perfect. I spent so much time being angry at him and didn't believe it when he said, I love you, bud. The nickname he gave me as a child. Now I know. He did love me. That was a mind-altering step toward healing. All because of This Is Us. Thank you for creating such a life-changing show. Sincerely, Susie Foster. Dude.
This is that type of stuff that you just don't, like, in the making of it, you're like, how will this apply? How will this apply to someone's life? What context or way in to a feeling or a life experience does someone need? And this show just has thousands of them. It does.
You need to prove to me that it takes this long to tell a story. Exactly. I feel the same way about theater. Totally.
This better have no intermission or a dinner break. Yes, yes, yes.
It's so far away from us.
Right? It's so, the idea of that time and that war and that place and the way that people lived and the things that they went through is so far away that it's oftentimes hard to come to a place of compassion or understanding or understanding.
forgiveness yeah and to have these little moments where you can where oh that person that the person jack looks like my dad in this yeah giving you permission to unlock that little piece of you yeah and and to wonder if any of this applies to your story and and to to reframe it in a compassionate understanding way is is an incredible opportunity.
um you know really struggling with that and and it's not always apparent keeping something from you yeah and he did it so well yeah yeah amen incredible thank you thank you suzy thank you suzy thank you uh to uh young nicky pearson michael michael angarano for joining us thanks guys and will you will you look into that camera and say that was us that was us
You have her for 30 minutes.
You guys, it's a very exciting day.
I can't stop thinking about it. It was really great.
Thanks, man. Thanks, guys. Michael Ingarano started acting when he was three months old. You were a child actor. Yeah. First gig was I'm Not Rappaport. That's true.
When you were three years old. Ozzie Davis. Yep. I was five. I was five years old. Five years old. Yeah. You walk through this career, and This Is Us comes around, and it's shot in L.A. to everybody, for actors. Very enticing. If you live in L.A., it's a great thing. My God. It's a nice, calm, relationship-based drama.
Yes, we do. We have another guest. You might know him as Young Nicky. Yeah. But you may also know him from Lords of Dogtown. Yeah. You may know him from The Nick. Yeah. You may know him from Almost Famous. Oh, my goodness. Or you may know him from his brand new movie, Sacramento. Come on now. Michael Angarano. Angarano's here!
It's already picked up. You think, great, this is going to be a nice gig. And then they say, welcome to the show. We're going to put you up in Lake Piru setting shit on fire. Oh yeah, you're in Vietnam.
Sorry. Right. Sorry. Your first episode lands you in Vietnam. And here we are in the episode entitled Vietnam. That's what it's called. Written by Tim O'Brien. Tim O'Brien and Dan Fogelman. And Dan Fogelman.
That's right. Yeah. And the episode opens on Jack in Vietnam on a quote unquote special mission doing top secret government stuff. That's right. And we quickly learn that he's trying to track down.
His little brother.
Shirtless and dirty.
Nice intro.
You know, this shit plays. And we meet Nikki. And we meet Nikki. Yeah. And we meet Nikki. So you land. This is all in Lake Piru. This is all up in Lake Piru. Yeah, that was.
Nice plug.
Buddy, I saw your movie. Let's just get straight to it. Yeah, let's get straight to that. You're going to make me blush. I'm already blushing. I'm already like... I'm going to make you blush. You have written a movie. You have starred in a movie.
Well, you forget. It wasn't until the second... I don't forget. I never forget. I dream about him all the time. But there are actors, and then there are movie stars. And Milo's a straight-up movie star. He drops into a place that you have to drop into with a certain amount of grounded nature that is... That really carries in this Vietnam episode. Sure.
Sure.
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Of being human.
Antiquated, yeah.
There's the door.
With your grand gesture.
He's always warm anyway.
So you brought it to work.
Oh my goodness.
We're gonna get to it.
Who, what is he from?
I know.
But like a lot of people just, I think the problem with me is like I took algebra two.
Or something.
I was going to say that. Luka's very good at basketball. He's been around for only like five years, but he's been really good.
He's old. Retired? Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
Because I was, dude, I dead ass was scrolling on Insta and I was like, this sucks.
I'm not on the Nuggets, so I don't know. But when we...
No, I would go that far.
No, why the hell not?
I also just, I also just think that we maybe were in like the golden ages of deodorant where there will be a lockout one day.
Danny, you don't think there's going to be a lockout?
Yeah.
This is where to do it, man.
That's the best. That's the best.
You're squatting.
Yeah, you see in Congress, they're talking about the interweb in very negative lights. An interweb security issue.
Yeah.
It's like they just eat that shit and it's in the hairs. It's probably in the hairs. You know what I'm saying?
I don't want to shave the mustachio. Maybe I'll just... You know what the solution is? I'll just shave in the mouth tape region.
No, we're not mad. We're not mad at all. Like, Brad Kyle wanted to tell us when he had a tweaked loaf. He should have told us then. Yeah, yeah. He probably thought that we would have been angry. Oh, Brad Kyle, you... No. No. I get it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I tweaked a bun and then I made it a lot worse.
Yeah, they're the cute little carrots. I could go for weeks.
But also you knew that it was coming back, I think.
I liked it too. I thought it was awesome. I don't even, but I think they, like they, when it went dark, they knew that it was going to come back in the morning. Yeah, so it was all- Because by the way, nothing even, I don't even think anything really happened for it to come back.
Brad, you're not an angry... You're not an angry loaf, man.
You're not an angry loaf.
He needs more minutes. Listen, we'll give you all the minutes, man. We're building around you, Brad. We are, dude. We love you.
But what is that number? Let's find it.
I'm starting to, I'm at least putting in a call to mom saying, let me see my birth certificate.
Yeah, they said we're not enforcing.
I'd fuck with it.
I would do, yeah, I like that. We'll, we'll, we'll. We'll work on some stuff. What were you going to say, though? We'll end on this. I think that Spotify is getting video from us.
96?
I mean, it's a lot to unpack. Yeah, let's talk some TikTok ban.
I guess. You know what I'm saying?
Because there's a lot going on in there that they don't like to talk about.
The NBA's gone. NBA's gone, yeah. Okay, I don't really know what that entails. Yeah. It is back. But I was saying, it's like, dude, I- Keep going.
Not all cute.
100%.
And by the way, like... That, like, might be better than boobs. And I'm not, like... Yeah.
all righty then all righty then episode episode 112 might um how long how long do you think how many episodes you think we could go with a with an english accent before people stop listening like before we lose all our listeners yeah before it goes to zero because like before we post like like epi whatever and it's zero views because they're like i i i loved the show they don't have the accent
I can't tell you because I'm still going to do it. I can't remember it, but it was like a... Like a pod situation? Yeah. Remember you thought I pranked you with the sprinters? By the way... Have you seen any more? Several. So what is it? So what? But it's not like something that I can... You're going to the gym and you see it? All the time I see it. It's just people... I don't see it, dude. Now...
Yeah, they're funny. Dude, old people, you know, like, and I've caught, and I hate to put grandma on blast here, not that she would be, like, tapped in. Like, I've caught her just ripping arse. Yeah, they rip ass. But, like, not meaning it. She didn't even know it. Or she did, and she just didn't give a shit. It's one or the other. And they say some, like, she was saying some crazy shit to Sarah.
Yeah, now she's just kind of letting it fly. And I respect it. I'll be letting it fly at that age. Dude, they are funny, though. They're hilarious. But like, dude, letting a fart just like go out loud and then like not even looking around is the funniest thing you could do. And it smells. It smells. And it smells terrible. It's like you're just sitting, like grandma is sitting there. Pfft.
But then she's like, she didn't even hear about it. You know what I'm saying? She's not even dealing with it. She's not embarrassed because it didn't even happen. It's not part of the plot. Yeah. You could inform her that that just happened. She would laugh. She doesn't feel it? Dude, I've been sitting watching TV. Just farting? Just letting them fly. It's so funny.
And then she's so non-reactive to it that I'm almost getting gaslit into thinking I'm doing it.
yeah yeah you gotta like check yeah you gotta check and shit yeah grandma is that your ringtone that is so funny dude yeah it's good it's good stuff old people are great old people are i they are very definitely unintentionally funny i'll tell you that very funny um i'll go what are you five here am i five here i took steven a lebron oh you're you're four here and then you're not one more
Draymond Green kicking people in the nuts. Or just Draymond Green's temper in general. Yeah, Draymond Green in general, but Draymond Green I think is— He is hilarious, dude. But he's a danger to others. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I think at some point you've got to draw the line and be like, I don't know that— Look, dude, you can't play in this association anymore because guys play and then you're kicking them in the nuts and compromising their health. But the kicking in the nuts thing is hilarious because it's like I really don't think he means it. But it's a funny thing to have that be your tick.
Kick people in the dick. But then you punched Jordan Poole in the face. See, and that's where I'm like that's too far. Also, as far as him just being an asshole thing.
takes it to levels where i don't even i can't believe he doesn't walk that back did you see the cat thing no cat oh it might have sat out because he was at like a funeral yeah and draymond before he knew that was like he's ducking jimmy butler okay and then after the game they're like uh like you know we'll give you a chance to like take that back yeah yeah yeah and he said no i don't take it back that's fucked up dude now you know that you were wrong so you're just kind of a
To be fair, I think sometimes they're like catching a spider. It looked like a bug. Continue. That was a valid reaction. I thought there was a bug. You didn't overreact. Yeah, I didn't at all.
that guy. He's kind of just a dick. I think we'll learn after his career that like maybe he was, he's just like trying to get under people's skin because I would get under my skin. Oh, a hundred percent. If somebody just said something messed up and then you're just like, don't, I don't, I don't regret it at all. Maybe that would, that would bother me. That would make me hate him.
And then I'd play emotionally and maybe get out of my rhythm. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. But yeah, I think the kicking in the nuts stuff is it's the punch is crazy. Punch was, by the way, I don't think people, I think we did a, that's like a Will Smith. Yes. That's it. That's an insane moment. Way, way more intense than I remember it. Yeah. Oh, like just watching the tape back? Dude.
Let's pull it up. Jordan Poole. Let's pull it up. Dalton, go ahead and throw it up on the screen. You know where to find it. He might have broken something in his face. Draymond also slipped. Do you think if the person didn't leak it, we would have ever known about that? No.
So the question is, do you think that shit happens? No, that does not happen. No way that happens. That does not happen. Dude, I mean, I think the reason it got leaked is because whoever was working at the Warriors was like, this content is too good to not post on there. I don't know what I would do either. Because you would hear, you know what you would hear is like,
Apparently the Warriors got into it at practice and Draymond Green's taking a lead. And he like said some shit. That's what you would hear. So he's just standing on the wing. So nothing too crazy right now, you know. And then like apparently they said like. Backpack. Backpack. I don't really even know what that means. Oh, man, dude. Like put all of his weight into it. But, like, what? Backpack?
Like, you're getting carried? Like, is that really Draymond? You are. Draymond, man. He doesn't even think he's not getting carried. He just probably really didn't like Poole, man. Really didn't like him. You can't punch him in the face. Yeah, you can't. You can't do that. Unacceptable, really.
That's fine. I think he is hilarious. I hope he becomes the coach. That would be awesome.
I think he'll be analyst and then maybe coach guy after. I just need it. Yeah, he's great. With my five, I think. Is it five for me?
I'll take. Oh, no, you got four in.
Two, three. Yeah, you got four or five. JaVale McGee, just JaVale McGee funny. JaVale McGee. JaVale McGee. Like, let's just roll some JaVale clips. Really funny stuff, man. Unbelievable, yeah. Really funny stuff. He was a nugget for a while. He's a champ. He's a winning guy. He's like a three-time champ, isn't he? Yeah, I mean, two or three.
I saw people commenting about that. He's dead.
Yeah, I think he got at least one with the Warriors and one with the Lakers. I think he has two. Let's see. How many rings? I think he's a three-time champ, if I'm not mistaken. You really can't say shit to him, then. You could still say it. Because you could be like, look at your clips. Three. Two with the Warriors, one with the Lakers. He was a Nuggets piece.
R.I.P. though. He lived a great wallet life.
Sometimes teams really overthink it, and they're just like – like, JaVale went to the Warriors and went to the Lakers and was really good because he was just, like, tall. Athletic and tall. Yeah, and, like, could play defense. Yeah. I don't know why teams just – like, sometimes it doesn't work out, and then they get to the right team and it works out. That's true. It never has made sense to me.
Then in my five, I'm going to take –
i think a lot of people are just catching their they're like it's counting them down and maybe they're getting across the street catching the bus oh yeah that's fair but that's normal but are they are they still are they full out sprinting i've seen so many people across the street and it is weird it's weirding me out it's so how many people have you seen sprint and it's probably like as if they're getting chased by like a dinosaur sprinting and you've seen eight in what the past what three days
I'll take Jokic Jokic is funny yeah he's a funny guy he just he really just doesn't give a shit and it's kind of funny yeah no I like that funny guy is that is that it is that it for us yeah wait do you have a fifth was that did I take my fifth so you took one you took two three I got one more I'll go like like dogs yeah dogs are funny but mostly cute but also could be funny you know what I'm saying like that Rosie clip is all time so funny and they don't they don't know what the fuck's going on
Yeah, they just put a show on. Yeah, they have no idea what's going on. They're there to just entertain the squad. When they hit some sort of scene where they're doing something hilarious and they just lean into it, it's very funny.
Very funny. All right, should we go into stat of the day here? All right, stat of the day today is going to be, I'm going to give you three lives. I mean, it's not too tough. I'm going to give you the two guys that would be impossible to. We're just going to do NBA players, top 10, the top 10 NBA players of all time in terms of seasons played. Oh, I can get this.
I'm going to give you Willis in the five with 21 seasons. I'm also going to give you Robert Parrish in the six with 21 seasons. What is the Willis? Who? Willis? Willis? K. Willis. Great guy. Love him.
So, yeah, you only have to get eight. There's also two guys tied. There's like five or six guys actually now that I'm looking at it tied for 20. LeBron. LeBron is tied for first. Vince Carter. Vince Carter is also tied for first with 22. Dirk. Lil Durko. Lil Durkio is in the three of 21, tied with a bunch of other people.
Parish and Willis. Kobe is one of those guys in the 10. Kobe's in the 10 with 20, but he's tied with a bunch of people. I could absolutely get this. So you already got six. Yeah, you could. Is it hard? Are these guys good? My question is, are these players good? Yeah, for the most part. And it's also not hard. Not hard. Let's go. I mean, but it's hard. I don't believe that you'll get it today.
Krish Paul. Krish Paul is in the seven with 20 tied with. He has 20? Yeah, all these guys are just tied like seven through 10 with 20. LeBron's going to be the number one though. Good for LeBron. Next year. Let's go like, let's just throw out a. Damn, who am I thinking of right now? There's a guy I feel like... Oh, Udonis Haslam. Udonis Haslam is in the eight. Is that... How many more do I have?
I'm going to make you get both of the tens. I'm going to make you get all the guys with 20. So you got to get 11 guys because I only... But how many do I have left? So you have to get three more guys. Three more guys. This is in play. This is doable here. You have fucking three lives. I might be cooked here. I got three lives on me. Shit. Um... It's not Dwayne Wade.
Dwayne Wade retired at like 15 years. Let's go ahead and give him... Tim Duncan. Negative. Really? How many years did Timmy D play? Tim Duncan seasons. What are you Googling?
Okay. Yeah, he's short one. He's short one. Let's do, is this guy good? I'm not giving you anything. You got three guys to get. That's fair. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Yeah, he's one of the 20s. Wow. And you've got to think. Here's what you've got to start thinking. Who's up there in scoring? Because that's why they're up there, kind of, partially. Right. Michael Jeffrey Jordan is up there.
I don't know if he's. No, no. Time? Time. He ain't even close, I don't think. I think he's like a 16er, 15er. But I'm saying in scoring. Yeah, he's up there. It's not going to be Shaquille. Why not? Too big. Too big. Like size-wise? Yeah. Okay. Stockton. No. It's not Stockton. Do you have any idea how many he played?
No, maybe a couple weeks. That is crazy, though. I haven't seen one, dude. Maybe it's because I'm on the lookout. Maybe it's like I'm... Maybe. It's like my real-life algorithm is giving me sprinters. I think you're scanning the field a lot more, too. I don't really scan field. Yeah, I'm... We've talked about this before.
No idea, but he doesn't even feel like a guy that would have played all the seasons. Just like a pro. J. Kidd? No, that'll do it. Why did I even guess J. Kidd? We had KG in the four. 21, and then Jamal Crawford in the nine with 20. By the way... He was a beast. He was a beast. KG... The KG Paul Pierce trade to the Nets could have been the worst of all time. I had that written down, actually.
Could have been the worst because they got all... Basically, the whole Celtics team today is from that trade. And KG and Paul Pierce were done. They were done. Yeah, they were washed.
Yeah, really, really bad trade. Terrible.
They just traded the whole core, right? Yeah, they traded the whole core. And they just were washed. For all their picks. Yeah, that's crazy. And by the way, Nets are still feeling it. Yep, they are. Because now they got, I don't even know. I think they're going to a D'Angelo Russell system. Yeah, and that just doesn't work. Stuff. Stuff. You got news?
I mean, that Stephen A thing, we're going to do. Maybe we'll punch UFC right here or something. Yeah, we got UFC. I think Pereira just takes it. I'm going to bet on Pereira. I'm a little worried just because it's a wrestler guy. So we'll see. I mean, if they wrestle. But you know what's interesting? But also, I think he's a good wrestler. I don't know if he's a wrestler.
But I think... This guy that is fighting. Pereira seems like a guy that could handle it. Yeah, no, I think he could handle it. Zach, I worry about a decision loss. That's what I worry about. This isn't a Sean O'Malley. No, I know, I know. It's not a Sean. That fight was over before it started. It's not a Sean. The guy's got the tools. I think he's got the tools.
I think it's scary to even shoot on him. With the hands that he has.
It's scary to shoot in, man.
You got to really disguise that. You got to switch levels. You got to really disguise that shoot.
I just think the guy doesn't, the guy's going to find a chin then. Yeah, I think it's round five KO. I think he really beats the shit out of him round four. Yeah, I don't know why. I think round five, like a late KO. I think it's round three. Round three? And they should have stopped at round two. Okay, I think it's round five. They should have stopped at four.
And we get punched to what happened right here. So we'll punch. Stop teasing me. Hey, hey. Stop teasing me. I could change your life so easily. Right when I started doing that, I was like, wait, this is mid-pod for them. Yeah, it is. Yeah, so we're about to film another pod, but we're punching a little update on UFC. We went to UFC and then a little Nuggets update. Yeah.
So the Wi-Fi, this episode is going to come out on Tuesday because the Wi-Fi... Well, this episode. Oh, yeah. So this will come out on Tuesday. Tomorrow for you guys. Tomorrow for us.
I don't want to treat your Wi-Fi like that. No, our Wi-Fi has been fucking up. Also, it might be a platform thing. It might be that platform isn't working because it keeps getting uploaded and then it freezes. We'll find somebody to blame. Yeah. So sums up, but this is going to come out. We're going to do a Tuesday, Thursday this week. So it's Tuesday right now for you guys.
You could do a Stanley episode to me of The Office where he just walks and I wouldn't know shit. Yeah. Yeah, well, yeah, what do we got today? We got draft of unintentionally funny things. I got some money picks. I've got people, basically. Yeah, I've got people. I've got a couple that aren't people, but you'll be like, that makes sense. Then we got, I got a stat of the day that I just whipped up.
Um, but we could start UFC update prayer loss. Nobody likes that. Nobody likes that. Also, he didn't like lose. He like just, I think he, he, he did what he had to do. I need to rewatch that bout. I do too. But it's like, I don't have to take the belt from the guy. You didn't take the belt, Magamev.
That's what I'm saying. Maybe I want to... This is when it is frustrating that he doesn't speak English because I need to know what happened. Well, he said in the Rogan thing, he said what you'd think he would say in the interview. I didn't. We weren't there. We left. No, but I watched it. He watched it. I watched it. And he said... I need to hear it from the horse's mouth.
But he basically said, I feel like you need to do more to win the belt. And he had me up against a cage. I don't feel like he won. Right. Which is true, dude. He didn't... Also, it's like it wasn't a Murab situation where Murab dominated him. You can't say that Sean won that fight. Because he took him down a gazillion times. Pereira stuffed, he went 11 for 12 on defense or something.
And I also think if you're going to separate them once, we got to just every time they do it moving forward, separate them. There needs to be some sort of role. It's just a tough thing. What is that? You pin him against the cage? I've never even seen that. And you're supposed to be like, you have to be working.
And if you're not doing anything, if you're not progressing towards some sort of move or some sort of punch, they pull you.
Yeah, I think it's BS too. That sucked. Glad that Gaethje won. Also, how beloved is that guy? But I beloved him. I beloved him as well. I beloved the shit out of that guy. Because that fight, that was probably the most exciting fight. And that was probably bottom third for him in terms of exciting fights. I mean, he's just active. He's a fucking warrior.
And dude, it's interesting. He could wrestle. Oh, he can wrestle. He was a wrestler. But he's actively being like, I'm going to get the fight bonus. And I'm going to make everybody love me. And it's working. It's awesome. It really goes out there. Like the best strategy might have not been. Yeah, it might have been like, let me win first round by getting on top of him. He doesn't do that.
It always with him, it's like they both get hit a couple of times and then they're going into round two. You're like, this is a fucking war.
It is awesome. Anytime he fights, we have to go. Yeah, I love Gaethje. Also, he's kind of a Colorado guy, so we like him for that. Went to college there. I saw they asked about him versus Poirier. That would be the best.
Oh, my God. Have you seen the other ones? No. Oh, my God. You know what? Watch the second one. I'm not going to tell you what happens. It'll be the most exciting thing. I know they're one and one. Yeah, watch the second one. I need to just, I want that to happen again, but it's not. Nobody tells Zach what happens in the second one, please. If you actually don't know. Oh, it's exciting.
Oh, that's going to be great for you. And then, hey, King Green, you were never not going to get brutally knocked out, dude. That was embarrassing.
It's almost like he's like. Yeah, he had his hands. Hands were down, but he did that against Patty. He was like talking and then got choked. Do you think he. I bet on it. He's my big underdog bet. He might have just not trained and been like, I'm going to get like 150 or whatever they pay him. Maybe, dude. That was crazy.
A little bit of news, a little bit of Severance talk. That episode was, that was, that, personally. I appreciate the setup, but set me up with five minutes of that. Yeah, we'll get into it later, but it was one of those. And if you guys are behind, we're not spoiling anything right now. I hit the plus 10 seconds button. I was like, when are we getting back to the cubes?
He changed his name to King Green. He had zero chance to win. I know. That one, dude, that one was almost like, that was insane to beat. I was like, ugh. They hadn't even broken a sweat. It was almost gross. I actually thought he might have been dead. It was almost gross. Did you get that from that one? I didn't. I actually was really into it. I mean, I was into it, but I was like, holy shit.
But I was like, I felt like I was like, yeah, like I was like, I was, I was like, dude, the crowds that are here. How about the guy we met? That was cool. Guy we met was funny. Um, everybody is, it's just like bizarre, honestly.
And they're all like, they're all like, yeah, they're just, it's like, there's no sporting event like it where like there's there every section we've ever been in has characters. The lady with the hit him in the body was hilarious. Hit him in the body. I don't know what that was about. Yeah, this lady behind us just really wanted was it during the which fight was it?
I don't know what fight it was But she was like you gotta hit him in the body. You have to hit him in the body and but also was only that fight She didn't pipe up. Oh, it was because it was the featherweights the little guy She was like he's weak hit him in the body and it was just like he isn't the little guys put on a good fight The little guys had big had big hearts had big hearts.
The woman fight was boring and Yeah, I'm all for it. But can we, I want to see you guys strike. We're not laying in the corner every single fight. I mean, every time we've been at it, it's three in a row. They're just, it's like you're laying in the, in the corner. I'm just saying, how do you judge that? I don't know how to, how are you supposed to be like, yeah, she won.
And I'm sure that's not all the women fights. I'm sure there's been some great bouts. Let us know.
Those are, it's like, I don't, I genuinely don't know how you're supposed to like, it's only one of them. One. We said it should be a draw. We said it should be a split decision loss. Majority loss. Majority loss for both of them.
Do anything. I don't. Yeah. It's tough. But yeah, that was that. And then since we've last potted, yoke had the best game in NBA history and we just beat the thunder loss yesterday. I didn't watch the game today. Did we like cook them? Cooked them. I mean, J-Dub was out, but A.G. was out. Oh, J-Dub was out. Yeah, but so was A.G. So it's like, I don't, I mean, I don't think that that's an excuse.
It's just like. A back-to-back one-on-one split on the road, killing one of them is a win for us. Also, we were down, I think, one going into the fourth on the first of the back-to-back. Yeah, we didn't get blown out like that. And it's like we didn't – our game plan included A.G., and then he got injured in the first quarter. How long is he out for?
He just misses just about every game, so probably just for the rest of his career. Okay, that's fine. Well, that stinks, but that is what it is. And then LeBron did the annual LeBron injury for like a week or two. I mean, listen, don't... Doesn't he kind of do that now? I saw somebody tweeting about that. I feel like he has done that the past couple of years. He just gets hurt for like a week.
I need him to stay down for a while. And I do love LeBron James. Don't get me twisted. I need them to be the fourth seed.
We're playing them twice in the next week, by the way. I need them to stay down for those two games. We need to beat them both times. Send them down to fourth. They play the Thunder. What are we right now? We're three? We're two. We're deuce. But we have... I think we're like half a game in front of the Lakers. We're very close with the Lakers.
And so our matchup would be first round would be like the Dubs or something? Like the Warriors or maybe like it's not going to be an easy matchup regardless of who it is. And then we would play and then we would play probably the Grizzlies or something. Yeah. And then OKC probably. And then but I could see the Lakers beating them. That would be great. That's what I'm saying.
Did you hit the button at all? A little bit. Oh, my God, dude.
Oh, yeah, they beat the Lakers, then we beat the Lakers, then we... It's just what a dream scenario to go against the Lakers again.
Like we go to the finals.
Oh, that would be actually huge for us.
If we don't ever have to play OKC. They could just beat OKC, or OKC beats them. No, dude, we just went on the road. It's like the start of a playoff series. We played two games on the road, and we split, and then we would be going home with home court advantage. Yeah, but didn't we last year lose every game to them or something? We went 1-3 last year. Because it was like, we don't care.
It was really boring. I don't give an ish.
And we didn't respect them. Yeah, so I don't know, but now we're looking at it as a positive. So you see how we're flipping it? I'm saying we're 2-2 against them this year. Right, I know, but we were 1-3 last year and we didn't respect them last year. Right. And now we're 2-2. And last year we'd be like, regular season doesn't matter. Right.
And now we're saying we're 2-2, so that shows that we're better than them or we can beat them. I'm just saying we cared as much as anybody. Both teams cared a lot. Yeah, I didn't watch the games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. A lot of MVP implications here. Yeah. We tried as hard as we could. They tried as hard as they could. We went one and one. Yeah.
Her aunt? I don't give an ish. Who are you? You think I give an uck?
I think we're going home with home court advantage. Yeah, I mean, I guess it is two back-to-back. It is a weirdly accurate playoff simulation. Right, and it's coming up. I don't know, but I would love to play the Lakers instead. We'd kill them. I would love to play the Thunder and beat them. How good would that feel, beat them in six? Yeah, I'm just like— I'm very excited for the playoffs.
I'm just really worried about Cleveland. I'm really worried. Cleavage is really good. They have too much talent. So you're more worried about Cleavage than the Celtics? Worried about both. Worried about both. Worried about both. I don't, I just, I, both of them are. What's your worry level on the Knicks?
I'm going to say this right now. You have zero worry about the Knicks. They have a 0% chance of going to the NBA Finals. The Knicks? Yeah, they do. I got them bumped in the first round. You know what they are? Bumped in the first round in a seven-gamer to the sixth seed. They're bumped in the second round to the Celtics. Oh, yeah.
You think I give an uck about that, dude? We'll get into it later, but oh. Yeah, it was disappointing. It was disappointing. And I haven't looked at the public reaction, but I bet everyone's like, that was a snoozer. Everybody has to say that's a snoozer. Maybe the aficionados will be like, that was the best episode ever. Yeah, that was like, yeah, yeah. Crazy.
Yeah, or that. But you know how there's always a team that just loses in seven as the three-seed for no reason?
Yeah. All right, but that's it. The rest of the episode. Yeah, but here's the rest of the episode. We just reacted. I hope Gaethje won too. I really hope Gaethje doesn't lose that fight. Really hope. He just... Because he's coming off the Max Holloway. That crazy knockout. Yeah, that was crazy. I guess we could talk about that seven zappy if we want to. I mean, it was just... I mean, listen...
Honestly, if you haven't watched it yet, just don't. Dude, you could skip it. I'll tell you right now. This is what happens. Spoiler alerts. Sonya wrote the Da Vinci Code. That's it. So that's literally it. Cobell wrote the Da Vinci Code. She invented it. She found her notes. Her aunt is just like a bitch. Is that her aunt? Who even are, who are you? Yeah, it's her aunt. By the way, who are you?
Yeah, I think it's her aunt. Why'd you try to burn the Da Vinci code? You know what I wanted to know? What's up with that drug they do? I was thinking that too. Maybe that comes back. Maybe that's some sort of thing that is, but. Cause I've never, I've never seen anything like it. Yeah, the guy's really hooked. The guy loves it. The guy's really hooked.
Cobell's like, I'm just going to do it because we're partying. But yeah, well, she wanted to have a little bit of a good time. Yeah. And listen, we can't blame her. The guy's an addict. The guy loves the stuff. Yeah, he loved it, man. By the way, Cobell knew it the whole time. She got out of the car and said, you're high as a kite.
He didn't seem high as a kite at all. No. I mean, he plays it off very well. It seems like that's the substance they do there, though. Because did you see when he was giving it to the old heads? Can I tell you, the drug doesn't look like they're having any fun at all. It doesn't. It looks like you're like fighting through it. It seems like he hated every minute of it.
It seems like taking like a whippet. But I think people do like doing that. I know, but it feels like that's how they reacted kind of. Yeah. You know what? I don't really know. I'm not judging, by the way.
And now it's just, it's only them talking. I think it would be like Epi 200 to lose every last listener. I think viewership might go up. Or they might just be like, I haven't noticed that before. Or maybe we just get like a big UK fan base. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, that's just because we have the accent.
Whatever floats your boat. Yeah, and the guy seems to fuck with it. Exactly. Good for you. I would say maybe whatever that substance is, maybe try drinking it. Yeah, it looks like a potion. It feels like that.
Why are you putting it on a towel? What is that? Probably not good for the lungs, I would say. Yeah. But that's it. She's going to save Marques. She's coming back. I think she's pissed that Lumen is not giving her creds for the Da Vinci Code. Is that what they flipped there?
Okay, so they praised this guy, Keir.
i mean i guess they sent out they they they sent her off the squad obviously they sent her off the squad and she's like i i wrote the da vinci code right that's what she's she's like and and audi heli you're telling me i'm fucking overvaluing myself you i wrote your i employ you with my da vinci code that's when that's where i employ you that's where the that's where she's upset yeah that those are where the qualms are what is what
Like if there were episode Grammys, that one wins the Grammy for some reason. Classic. Classic. Let's get into... I'll take first pick. Yeah, go ahead. Because if you have this guy, this guy to me, we love this guy. I would love to have him to do something with him at some point. I haven't. The most unintentionally hilarious guy. Maybe top five favorite guy for both of us, though.
yeah yeah yeah basically the qualms yeah good word good word thank you good word um what's up with why do they love cure so much man who is cure i don't know just the inventor like the it's god to them it's their god but who was he nobody knows i don't think yeah i don't think he was just a guy but that's fine i mean like he did a great job i mean he built a great brand that's a really good legacy by the way there's a building like around here called lumen have you ever seen that no that's kind of like kind of sucks for them i think maybe
Sucks. Kind of cool, kind of sucks, because people are going to start to hate Lumen. I think everybody definitely sees it, and it's like, Lumen. That's tough. Yeah, that actually is crazy. That's really all I got for that. That episode fucking blew. And you could literally skip it. Yeah. Colbell invented the Da Vinci Code. That's literally all you have to know.
that's really all it is she is gonna save mark i'm really i am very excited for the next epi we're gonna we're gonna get right back into mark shit but spend time on the severed floor i know i know let me what's up with dylan and his wife therefore by the way any dylan is i think audi wife is cheating on audi dylan with any dylan i'd consider that cheating i think any dylan's a rock star man
any any dylan's a beast man any dylan any dylan is everything outie dylan needs to be i love any dylan so you know what i don't even blame out uh wife whatever whatever yeah but i feel bad so what yeah but she's definitely would you consider that cheating no no you wouldn't no she just found a better version of her husband yeah that's true but that's yeah dude good job lying to him that she's lying to outie though she's like oh it got canceled
Yeah, I don't understand that. Are they boning?
Mark S should share the toss with him. Yeah, he should. By the way, if you go into this weird conference room, there's tents. You could do stuff in there. You could bone Audi wife. And they probably are watching. Yeah. But you know what? That's fine. They're definitely watching. Okay. Milchak's a sicko. Milchak's a sick pop. By the way, man, I miss Milchak. I do too.
When he got in Mark's face, it was like, what did he say? You f***ed Telly? Dude, he's the best character. He definitely watched it too. Yeah, he watched it. He watched it. And not for work purposes. No, he watched it at first and was like, oh, you guys are in trouble. And he didn't have to keep it on.
No, I think he just professionally watched the whole thing because he wanted to see what happened. With his arms crossed. Yeah. Like, this is bad. It's the best. Come on now, Mark. I love that character, man. Yeah. Milchak, man. But like any episode without Milchak, I'm like, we need more Seth, man. Well, even when Gemma saw Milchak, I was like, I miss this guy a lot, man. Yeah. This guy's a star.
He's a superstar. This guy's the star of the separate floor. Do you think Milchak grew up in the same town as Sonya? Might have. Well, that's something I guess we learned. They recruit from that town. And everybody's all weird there. So what? The people that didn't get recruited are just there still? I think everybody there gets recruited. I think you come up in the farm system.
And that's why there's seven people there. I just don't even understand why... Before the Da Vinci Code was invented... What was Lumen even? It's like just a normal company? I don't know. I don't know. We still don't know what Lumen does. They make people or something. I'm really excited to know what they do. I think they make humans. Seems like it. All right, let's get into Q's. Q's.
This comes from Colin Baker. He's got a bit of a moral question here. Yeah, what do we got? Or a morality question. He's going to test us. He's going to test us a little bit. He said, would you rather spawn in a random part of the ocean for 15 minutes a day, randomly selected time each day, Spawn in a random part of the ocean? Yeah. I don't really like even get that.
Love him, Gary V. Yeah, there I have him. He's so funny, dude. He's so funny. But sometimes, and a lot of these picks are going to teeter on the line. Sometimes I feel like he's doing it on purpose.
Okay. But it ends after 15. Or every time you fart, a landmine spawns in the Amazon jungle. Also, you put me on severance. Awesome. Amazing show. All I got to say is Dylan G could be a glue guy on the Cavs. We were just talking about Dylan G, man. That's exactly the type of person I see Dylan G as. Any Dylan G that is. Any Dylan. Audi Dylan just. Audi Dylan's got a good heart, I think.
He doesn't even fucking know what they're doing over there. Loves his kids, man. And he kills it in the office. Yeah, so he's actually... But that's not him. He's actually doing great. Yeah. But that's as any... What would I do? Fart in a landmine? I mean, how many things am I going to kill in the Amazon jungle? Like, what am I killing? Amazon animals? Toads, frogs, toads. Frogs.
What's the animal that's like... Toads. And then what's the one that... Frogs. So a lot of them. A lot of different species. But not a lot of humanes. Zero humanes. I'm sure there's a couple of humanes just like walking around. But the odds I kill a humane are zero. But you're not killing anybody with the ocean thing. You're just really inconvenienced. But I'm not killing a human in the Amazon.
You might. Danny, think of how much you fart. You fart a lot. Hey man, I fart a normal amount. I can hold my farts though. I have full fart control.
yeah he might be playing it up but then there's other times there's other times where it's like that is like the most that's the funniest thing i've ever seen because it wasn't a joke what was the one he did he said it was like it was it was an audience member and they were at like his forum or whatever like giving a speech and oh yeah i'll be the audience member you're the audience member so gary all right gary i just feel like i'm not fulfilling yes
But not when you're sleeping, not when you're sleeping. Do you think we fart in our sleep? A hundred percent. Not like, not like you're, I don't think you're like ripping hearts. You know when Pops woke himself up to a fart? What was that? Was it on the couch? Was it on the couch? When did that happen? Oh, man, yeah. He was on the couch. Did he fart and go like this? What?
And he farted himself off. That's so funny. Pop, if you're listening, sorry about that story. I mean, dude, I'm going to have to, like, just every time I fart, set a mine off. But it's not even guaranteed that I kill anything, dude. you're definitely going to kill at least one frog. If I kill one frog a year, that's not cool, man. That's okay, but I can live my life. You can't live your life?
I'm going to limit my farts, too. You're going to kill a lot of frogs and maybe humans. I'm not going to fart while I'm walking around day to day. I'm just going to come back drenched every day. I'm not going to tell people where I went, but I'm going to do the ocean deal. It's going to be really bad for your mental health. Imagine right now we're filming the pod, and then boom. Oh, shit.
Oh, I'm fucked. I'm fucked. Help. Help. Help.
And then back to the pod. Right here, and I'm drenched. Here's the question. Are you like a severed employee with that? Do you know that you're going to live? I don't think so. So it's severance. I think it's severance. I think we don't know. So you don't know. But you're going to live. 15 minutes. But Audi U knows what happened. Yeah. Yeah, but any U does not know. But dude.
Any U. Well, I guess if you're severed, you'll never know. The Audi's not going to know. No. So you're just going to live. I don't know where I go, but I always know I'm wet. And something's fucked with your brain chemistry. Definitely. I mean, it's a lot of... What's the thing that... Trauma. Trauma. What's the thing when you get stressed? Stress. Cortisol? I'm not with you on that one.
I don't know. I don't know if that's what... I think that's like a steroid or something. Cortisol. Um, but those levels are going to be spiked if that's what I'm thinking of. Uh, so you're going to take that deal though. I'm going to just, cause I don't want to kill the frog. I'm just not going to fart during the day. I don't really fart during the day. Cause like, I don't fart around people.
I fart. Like have you farted? I don't even, that's what I'm saying. You don't really fart. Yeah, but I would fart at the gym. I'll tell you that. I don't, I'm not farting at the gym. I'm not farting at the gym. I'm not farting during this pod. I'll tell you this. I'm not farting around Sarah. If, if me and you were just hanging out and I had to fart, I would do it.
as a joke i don't think so yes i would yes i would and you would laugh maybe dude i always if i have to fart i fart if if it's gonna be loud if i'm alone i'll fart if i'm alone i'll probably let it rip yeah if i'm like editing i have to fart i'll just fart what are you gonna do just fart and then that would be a total issue to be honest yeah we got josh taylor here he said z and d
I've noticed a lot of lemon hate on this pod and just want to say I may be the biggest lemon dessert advocate of all time. Lemon poppy seed bread, sheesh, don't get me started. You guys need to take a lemon drop and shove it up your bleep. Okay. JT out. Just because we don't see eye to eye on a dessert. Listen, I was with him until the bleep part.
He said take a lemon drop and shove it up your bleep. By the way, censor yourself.
yeah don't say the word yeah bleep is really like that's we might get vulgar it's demonetized because you said and by the way like that's not the message we want to send to people right not at all right what because we disagree yeah oh shove it up your shove it up your bleep really really man really man seriously dude it's immature but by the way you you you and and maybe we're being hypocritical here but you take your lemon poppy seed bread
It didn't even have anything to do with it. Gary, I feel like I'm motivated for like an hour a day and then I lose it. Let's do the skit. What advice do you have for me? You said good. You said good. Every morning, pretend that your whole family gets shot in the face. He's like, shot in the f***ing face. He said, who do you love most? Your mom?
And shove it back up your bleep. Shove it up your bleep, man.
Shove it up your bleep. Lemon poppy seed bread? Am I thinking of the right thing right now? Dude, you know what that sounds like? Bad. That sounds like some hot bleep. Yeah. Some bleeping. Hot bleeping. Some bleeping bleep, yeah. Some bleeping bleeps. That sounds like some bleeping bleep. That sounds like some bleeping bleep. That sounds motherfucking bleep as bleep. Lemon ploppy seed bread.
Poppy seed. That sounds like bleep. Let me just get a look at that. Oh. don't bleep off man let me say it let me say what bro ew dude ew oh holy bleep oh holy bleep dude ew like ew i wouldn't i really wouldn't even want to eat that shove that bleep up your ass shove that yeah shove that bleep in your mouth and then in your ass but Okay, but we don't want to promote any bad messages.
For real. We got Calzone. Calzone. Is that right, man? Good to hear from Calzone. He's just a Calzone through and through. Like, his prof pic just looks like it's a Calzone. Good to hear. Calzones are dope. They're just like the folded over little... They're awesome. Calzones are really... You ever get one at West Middle School? I don't know if... Or no, Creek.
You ever come on a Creek from the weird cafeteria? I don't know that I've ever eaten a calzone, but I've always wanted to. The ones at Creek weird cafeteria, really fucking good. Mini cookies there, three piece on the plate. You ever get those? Yes.
Wow.
Those were so good. That was the best thing ever created. The three cookies. Oh my God. Yeah. One time Hype Man and I just like stocked up on like 30 of them. And you ate them all at the same time? Yeah, dude. How were those so good? I don't know. They were really good. I'm going to go back and get a calzone and three cookies from that cafeteria. He said complaint. Okay. And you know what?
I've noticed a lot of this. People are just saying. They're trying to bait us. Well, they bait us with, look.
Severance and then, yeah. It's like severance and complaint. So you got us.
No, you know what? It's fine. Okay, so complaint. Blind rank these five things related to school. We got homeroom. I don't know what that even means. I guess like your homeroom when you're in elementary school. Oh, I fuck with homerooms. Three. Okay. It's your home base. I like it. Yeah, the school bus on a cold day.
five i hate everything about the school bus hate it i did too we did we ride to i dude i by the way middle school we brought it to middle school oh i rode the bus sometimes even home in college or not college high school yeah very rarely in college but you know sometimes i had to yeah i didn't like the bus either uh clay thompson one good shooter Yeah, really good shooter.
Dressing up for game day. That was fun. That was really fun. I was never really a high school athlete. Yeah, because you played club. Which stupidest rule of all time. You can't play both? I don't know if that's still a rule, but back in the day, if you played DA, you couldn't play high school. Yeah, I was right at the cutoff where high school got ruined. That's so insane.
Dude, our team before that, though, it was like Miggy, Zeus, Jacob Hanlon, and everyone was blonde, and they were the fucking best team ever. Dressing up for game day. I'm just kidding. Pencils. Whatever I have open. But you know what? I think the pencil is an underrated tool. I do like pencils. We've talked about it, I believe. It's the best bang you can get for your buck. It is.
That picture, she gets shot in the face. That was the clip, dude. And he was dead ass. And that was it. It wasn't like- He was doing it to express gratitude. He's like, every morning I picture- And by the way, I think he took it down. I think he was like, you know what? I went a little bit too far.
You can get probably a million pencils if you really wanted to. Yeah, for not too much money. Like right now, we could have a million pencils. Yeah, it'd be sick. Think of how awesome that would be. We could fill this room with pencils. We could fill your neighbor's room with pencils. We could fill. Yeah, that's cool. We could fill the ocean with pencils. It'd be cool. Yeah.
You're not as enthused. No, I mean, it's just like we could fill. We could also fill with like bottle caps.
or like no or like or like pens what about pens that would be weird so just pencil like having a lot of pencils would be sweet yeah okay um he said blue jay dark toaster tom brady are my heroes i'm a young breadstick looking up to y'all good for them no lettuce on my number two from chick-fil-a uh and he said i will copy paste this if it doesn't get answered you know what though if he copy pastes that we wouldn't let's put no but let's put let's put some uh some steaks on this
If he copied and pasted it, but we have already answered it, what do we do? We block him for three episodes? Yeah, he doesn't get answered for three. Are those the stakes? Because we're late in this pod, man. Right. He might not get to this, and then he might copy-paste and be like, you didn't answer it, but we did answer it. If he copy-paste, he shouldn't copy-paste.
If he does, he's suspended for three. He's suspended for three. But also, that said, the sports epi is out right now, and this isn't coming out until Monday, so we can't really hold that on. Oh, very true. So if he comments the one after that. Yes, you're right. You're right. So this is actually an offer, it seems like. This doesn't seem like a hypothetical.
It seems like a real offer that Derek's putting forth here. I'm personally good, but I just kind of wanted to float it. He said, I'll give you $500,000 for every three toes or one finger you cut off. Three toes or one finger, 500K. It's too many toes. I'm not doing a finger. Three toes. We're undervaluing the toe, it feels like.
You're just saying that one finger's worth three toes, which that's not right. That's the last thing fingers' ego needed, I think.
These fingers are going to get big nails at this point. Even like Pinky's got a huge ego. My Pinky has a fucking ridiculous ego.
Won't shut up on poll day. Yeah. Talking about I'm curling. Listen, you're not even... You should just start curling without them. Like, just talk them away.
yeah he did dude the tmg skater that was the funniest thing ever have you seen that yeah evil gary v it's just um but yeah he's really funny but he did he reminds me of pops in some ways yeah like it like he great intentions you know he's just really funny great intentions just he's just uh like super passionate and he'll throw around like he'll just he'll just like call somebody a dick
You know what I'm saying? It gets in the way a little bit. Today at Orange Stereo, a guy put on gloves for rowing. And you know what? And I thought that was funny. I said, that's funny to me. Yeah, right. Well, you noted it.
And you said, we'll talk about that later. Well, yeah, nobody does that. If we're just talking about things, I saw just an agent of chaos in traffic yesterday. What? What do you mean? It was just a guy who was driving like an old Corolla. Yeah. Definitely looked like it stank in there. And I'm just trying to paint the picture here. That's not really a part of the story.
and he was just like stuff was up there just stuff going on in that car and I was like this guy's just like a like he definitely seemed like a prankster just laying on the horn at a Waymo at a red light
do you think he knew yeah no he was just like this is a waymo there's no there's nobody driving that car i'm just gonna try to like fuck with it and just like send it into oncoming traffic oh you think and there was had to be i don't know what but nobody was in the car with him he was just an he was just trying to just make problems just for the sake of problems that's pretty funny yeah it is pretty funny i was just angry people are funny too what happened to you coming out this one
Yeah, I just almost hit a gap. But I didn't almost even hit him. You didn't almost hit him. He just went like that to me.
And then you just keep walking. Like, what does he think? It's really funny. He wanted to be dead. Yeah, he wanted you dead. But yeah, I'm not doing that deal. I think maybe one toe. No, not one toe. I would cut off a toe for two million. Would you actually? Yeah, I would. Two million in your bank, wired to your bank tomorrow. Yep. Two million. Which one? Pinky toe. Pinky toe. Sorry, pinky toe.
Left pinky toe. I don't think I've ever used my left pinky toe, ever. I think I've jammed it up a couple times. Doesn't Dion not have one? Dion only has a couple digits down there, I think. I think toes in that sense, you don't need them all. But I also think you might lose balance sometimes. So I think I would cut, if it were two million, I'd cut both off, make four mil and balance up. Yes, yes.
Four mil is good.
Four mil is a good payday. This one comes from Caden. He says, hello, Zanny and Datch. If you could talk to animals, but they could only answer you, how long would it take for you to find out that you had the superpower? Penguins are the best animal, by the way. 643.
penguins are dope penguins are very dope yeah wait so they can only answer you right so they can't initiate so yeah which sucks so it'd be like it'd be like hey rosie and you'd be like yo yo yeah i think pretty quick right i mean i think like the first dog i encounter probably right yeah because i'm gonna i'm gonna say something to a dog usually oh i tip yeah i i i you you talk a lot of shit yeah i mean it's but it's friendly it's like
Friendly, but it gets to a point sometimes. It's just like fucking around, right? It's kind of like friend stuff.
It's friend stuff, but sometimes you... If it's a dog I don't know as well, I could reel it back. I understand that.
And if I bust balls on like a wiener dog that doesn't know me.
That's where... That's like a little more uptight. And it feels like sometimes... And I was with you for the wiener dog thing the other day. Yeah, yeah. That's why I'm saying that. I was walking by a dog park. Felt a little bit defenseless, didn't it?
Like that wiener dog couldn't really like, had no comeback.
I said like. Why are you so short and small and close to the ground, little wiener guy? That's what I said, yeah. And he like, I think he started crying. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, that's what I learned. Like, like you need to know a canine before you do that. And I think that if they could talk back to you, um, you would know that a little bit better that you would say that hurt my feelings.
Yeah. And that's why I wish they could. It'd be good for us.
Um, but yeah, I don't know though. Like I'm maybe like when I'm walking by dogs on walks, I'm not saying anything to him. Right. So when are you going to encounter an animal that it might be when we go home? Yeah. First time we go home.
yeah no shit no shit dick you're young as fuck dick yeah and it'll be like it'll be like nobody talks like that I've posted for two two years and my shit's not moving shut your your dick ass up he's like you know why you have a guy for two years cause you suck dick you suck you fucking suck you fucking suck man he's an all timer he's awesome he's an all timer love that guy
we got William here he said William he said just wondering if Zach could give my charger back he's had it for 10 years and I just need it back thanks boys it's William Julian just give him his fucking charger back why though
because it's his but don't you think at a certain point like at what point you said can i borrow it right is that when did you get it you asked but you said well so you you know the story he said you i said it's been 10 years and he's just can you let me but it's clearly important to him if it's 10 years later but he said so what what happened was yeah i was out of juice Yeah.
I said, you got a charger. William said, that's fine. He said, my charger is your charger, Hermano. Is that, that's the quote? And I quote, I couldn't make this up. My charger is your charger, Hermano. And what, he was at your crib and you just borrowed it. So what I said, when he left and he said, can I have my charger back? I said, fuck no.
you said it's my charge because it's ours really yeah you know what i'm saying like he's he's and that's and that's like 50 50 so like why does he just get it why yes that's that exactly okay why do you just get it but i think why do you just get our charger you've had it for 10 years you've had it for 10 years so like i'm gonna hang on to it for a little longer if that's good and then let him have 10 years maybe
yeah maybe like a couple days and then you get it back I'll let him I could he could use it if he's in my room okay you know what I'm saying that feels like a good compromise yeah so if he's I don't think he lives in Cali but if he's I know but if he ever needs a charge he could drop his phone off yeah I'll take it to my room yeah I'll charge him up oh he can wait at the door but it won't but it won't leave your room and it can't go in your room no okay okay all right no you can hang out uh on the porch
Okay. Yeah. That's a compromise.
I think it's fair. I think it is more than fair. This one comes from Shane Anderson. This is exciting. He said, Aloha, Zaqua and Danny. What's up? Long time listener. First time asker. Congrats, man.
First question. Yeah. It's impressive. It's impressive. He said, would you rather take a million dollars? I think we've done this. Would you rather? Would you rather a million dollars or each number you count is how much money you get? For example, if you count to 1,000, you get 1,000 beans. It doesn't have to be all at once, and you have 31 days. And then he, in parentheses, one month to count.
Bronny James, cup game, LeVar Ball, Lakers in five. Okay. I like it. I mean, the Lakers are really good, and that makes me really annoyed.
Let me take a timeout. We should see how long it takes for you to count to 50. Well, here's... And then do the math. Oh, do we have enough time? He counted to 100K. How long did it take? It took him 24 hours to count to 100K. Okay. He doesn't look good, man. He looks like he really... He looks terrible. Let's check up on Mr. Beast late in the video here. How many views does that do?
Dude, he looks like he's really just going through it. Yeah, so it's not going to be a fun month. 31 million views. 10 days of 24 hours. It'd be tough. I mean, I would fight and do it. I would do it. But it would suck. Just to break even, you have 10 days of that. Or you could have just eight-hour days for 31 days.
You know what? I'm taking a million dollars. It's rare that I would say that. I'm going to torture myself for a month and try to make like two mil. Worth it. Yeah. Good use of time. We can wrap with this here. Dark Toaster writing in. He said, I was not invited to the BBASG, the Breadbasket All-Star Game.
You didn't compete for eight episodes. You have to compete. By the way. You have to play a certain amount of games to be in the All-Star Game. Right. I think at the end of the year, this is just a side note, I just thought of this as Dark Toaster. Oh, we let the people vote?
We let the sticks vote. We haven't. Yeah, that'll be so, like right now, oh, we haven't even, Van Vliet sent us a poster. Oh, yeah. We'll debut that next pod. Van Vliet, we received your poster. Yeah. That shit's awesome. Hilarious. It's going to go up on the wall, literally. Yeah. Where is it? It's, I think, right there. Who do you think is leading that chase? Dude, I think like Brett VanVleet.
My first pick, I'm going to go LeBron James. Yeah, really funny, especially like the lying thing. The lying thing is hilarious. And also like it's almost embarrassingly funny how good he still is too.
VanVleet, Blue Jay is up there.
If we get everybody in there and we get like a Google Drive thing and we have them all vote, it will be electric. Really electric. But that's an end of the year thing. We'll have to figure that out. Yeah, so Dark Toaster said, this broke my streak of 11 straight All-Star Game appearances. I'm sick of this shit.
Yes, I did come out of retirement, and no, I never did want to retire, nor will I ever retire. I'm sick of being told to retire. I don't want to, and it's getting forced, and I'm getting forced to. Why the fuck did Van Vliet start over me? Keep your motherfucking bread toasted. I understand why you're mad, but you didn't play enough games. You have to ask it. There's a minimum...
And it's just math, man. It's rules. It's maths, man. It's not personal. But thank you for writing in, Toaster. It's always good to have you. It's always entertainment. It's always good entertainment. For sure. And it's always good to know that he's still here and he's still okay. Yeah, he's still in a good mental place. Exactly. That's what matters first and foremost.
We care about him as a guy off the question asker. Exactly. I didn't even, what did he really ask? Did he just talk shit for a little while there? I just said he didn't make the All-Star game. Okay, okay. So you know what? There's going to be a voting system, DT. I think he's a top three. No, but you know what? I think Ben Blewett's a favorite, but what if Tom Brady wins?
But also, we got Cam Kuttner's in there. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I'm interested to see who they like the most. Winkleberry? Because maybe they secretly hate Dark Toaster. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Or Dark Toaster's like the heel, but everybody loves him. Yeah. And he might win, yeah. It's just going to be interesting to see. I can't wait for that, man. I can't wait for that.
That's in a while. That'll be exciting, though. Yeah. That'll do it for 112. Love you guys.
yep yep i mean everything about him like the the lyrics the him singing him just like yeah dude him just being like a guy is funny to me like he's just like a normal like he just like hangs out with the dogs yeah yeah yeah it's just he's i don't i can't put a finger on it and i don't think he's trying to be funny at all anything could be even the steven anything last night could be funny in a way that dude that we'll just talk about that now yeah
So many angles you could take. Where do you stand on that? I mean, did you see Stephen A's response? Dude, Stephen A is scared of LeBron James. Scared of LeBron.
I think, like, should LeBron have done that? Probably not. And I think his – LeBron is a grown man in the NBA. Like, you can't – I completely get it. If I had a son, I'd probably do the same shit. But, like, you can't, like – you can't get mad at Stephen A for that. But who are you to tell him what to – like, he's been a good dad kind of in a way. But, like, you can't really do that.
It's just a thought. And listen, it's one of those things like... Do it for like 10 seconds. But like when we have our next meeting. Yeah. That just doesn't feel like... That felt Australian. Australian. Cutlery. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck's going on. But it's one of those I might bring it up in the next meeting. Guys, should we consider doing accents?
He also – the issue – I think it was a good move.
from braun yeah but he because he didn't but he didn't know somebody was going to catch it on film he didn't know someone was going to catch it up like steven a probably didn't know that it went viral until he woke up i saw he said that but then people were reaching out so like good move like you would have gotten it off maybe just call him though oh you know what yeah that you're right uh terrible move because you did it during the game just call him though call him or like meet with him dude but it's a great also like it was viral and like
I love the move because... How do you think Brawny feels about it? Annoyed or like... Bad. No, Brawny... It sucks for Brawny the most because... He's just like this little make-a-wish situation. No, but that... He's a gifted hooper. Yeah, but that's like if you're getting bullied and your dad goes to the kid and is like, stop bullying my son. But it sucks for Brawny because Brawny's dope, man.
He just... His situation is the worst. It sucks. It's just he wasn't ready, but he's Bronny James. He's cool, but now he's like this.
It sucks for Bronny, but Bron should have just maybe do it offline. But also, it's kind of awesome. At the same time, though, I do like... Stephen A. Smith is frightened of LeBron James.
So, like, because he's a 6'10 dude, and he's scary, and he's, like, powerful. Top five most powerful guys in the world. Yeah, go up, and so just go in his face and just be like, stop fucking talking about my son. Kind of awesome, though.
Imagine LeBron caring enough to do that to you. I'd be fucking honored, dude. By the way. Steve and I will not talk about Bronny anymore. No, you won't. He got the job done. He's like, my bad. Yeah, he's like, sorry, Kane. My bad. Fuck, I messed up. I messed up. My bad.
I'll say my next pick, I'll say... Stephen A. Smith. Stephen A. is really funny. Again, not trying to be funny, trying to get sports takes off, but he's like... I think he's going to run for press. And he will lose. Yeah, he'll lose. But I'll get him. I'll vote for him. I'll vote for him, too. Bro, what do I got to do to get that guy just at least to the podium? He'll run.
I just need him on the stage to bait him. He might not lose. He might not lose. I would love if just celebrities... It was insane when Donald was running and it was he will never win. And I guess he was like a celebrity before. That's what I'm saying. That was like it just... It was like The Rock just running and winning.
No, I think... But I don't... We have no perspective because I feel like we were too young. I don't remember him as a celebrity at all. Donald? Yeah. I do. Well, what? Like who's Mark Cuban? From The Apprentice. You're fired.
So who's Mark Cuban? Kind of Mark Cuban. Like Shark Tank? Mark Cuban-ish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah, I guess like if Mark Cuban ran, it wouldn't be the craziest thing. Now it wouldn't because Trump... Stephen A., though, I think it would just be like this guy. Oh, yeah, dude. It would be... I would love to hear just like, I don't even know. He's good at talking though.
Sarah doesn't know anything about Stephen A. And I was watching that clip of Bron this morning. She's like, he's so well-spoken. That's what a random outside person thinks. I mean, he does it all day, every day. He's a pro.
I think we have a team meeting on Monday. Yeah. And it's like, maybe we like, I'm going to float it. Should we do British accents? I'm going to float it. Yeah. And I think that's the accent. Like, I don't really feel comfortable doing like a German accent or like a, no, definitely not. I feel like the British accent is the one. So is there a reason?
58.
I think he's up there. You think he's 58? I think he could be a sneaky 43. No, no, no, no, no, no. I just think the hair is very confusing. You know what I'm saying? Stephen A. Smith age? I'm going to say 57. But I think if he was 57, the hair would be white. Oh, 57. Nice. Good guess.
Really nice guess. Yeah, he's talked about his hairline before. He's like, my head's too small, so I can't shave it. That's a funny thing. His hairline is fucking halfway up his head, dude. And LeBron's yelling at him, but his hairline's like up here. Also, I love how he walks around like he's the man, which, by the way, he is the man. No, he is the man.
But I love how he's so like... Because he is that guy.
Other than, like, Braun in that building. Like, he's just got that swag. Outside of the NBA players, he's that guy. Yeah. But he's more that guy than some of the NBA guys. 100 mil five years? Yeah. Like, what are we talking about? More than some of the NBA guys. And he doesn't have to be fit. Yeah, he just gets to shit on people. I would not feel comfortable doing that. I wouldn't either.
By the way, I've had people say we should do sports like that eventually. I don't want to. I mean, we're doing it kind of once a week. Yes, but I would not want to be an analyst on ESPN. Maybe a guest. Just no. That's not what we do. If I would do anything, I would guest commentate the Nuggets. Yeah, or like guest on college game day. Yeah. But like, I'm not, we're not Max Kellerman.
We're not, that's not us. That's not us. Because also, if you do that long enough, you start to have takes that are so bad. Yeah, because you overthink it. Have you seen the Colin Coward? It's like, give me Eagle Dollar. LeBron James. By the way, how good. We got Ben Simmons. I have seen that. I have seen that. Come on now. But that's kind of funny. Oh, you know what? Those guys are all hilarious.
Howard's funny, but Kellerman. My favorite creator is Nick Wright. Nick Wright's really funny. All right, audio cut out. Really annoying that it keeps happening. Sorry about that, guys. I don't know if my pick went in, but I'm taking a frustrated golfer is what we were just talking about. Really, really funny. Pops will have those rounds where he gets like a nine.
Maybe they hit twice out of the sand trap, get out on the third one, and they're really mad. It's really hard to not laugh. And it's also just like, they almost have to try to be like, they're trying to mask it a little bit. Yeah, but when you're frustrated. And then you get so enraged if you see the people laughing. And then, well, oh my God.
And you, and you, you know, I don't know if you're pranking me. I don't know what you're, they call them Danny pranks. No, I don't know. I'm actually excited to see what you noticed. My mic is freezing cold right now. I did not do that. Let me feel that bitch. Wow, that is cold. Freezing. Mine's pretty cold too, though.
And then you're just like driving in the cart with him and you're like, and you're also, you're like, I don't even know what I'm mad. I don't even, I'm not even mad at anything. Cause if you take a step back, but everyone has it. I remember the trip that you, me and pop went on the first, they're like the first, like two holes. I shrank my check, my driver both times.
And I was like, so mad, but then I hit one good one on the third and then I was good, but it was like awkward. Yeah, I don't know. But it's like, I don't, we don't, you know, what we got to get into is betting heavily on golf. Yeah. Because I don't, I don't honestly, at this point I couldn't, I couldn't care less if I'm, if I'm on the course.
Like I just, I just maybe put 2000 bucks up.
But if, if we're just golfing, I'm just like swinging the club and I'm kind of like, I'm kind of bored by hole three.
You know, I'm just like, I'm like, let's just kind of get in and out here.
100%. I'm not trying to be funny, but it's so freaking funny.
Or somebody getting hit with a ball. hitting the balls, hit in the balls or hit by like a soccer ball training.
yeah do you ever have that happen at training yes everyone has it happen like a ball gets so into their head and then everyone laughs but it is funny but yeah somebody falling on ice is so funny dude they lose their feet when they hit the deck man there's nothing better back in the day it would happen all the time because it's like dude creek you're out you're you're playing outdoors all day people just fall because it's slippery
because you got i it's snowing and you got to walk from class to class outside nothing worse that is a terrible that was the worst the worst was like when you have to leave for school at 6 30 a.m and it's 10 degrees out if i had to and i'm not my darkest memories i'm not recommending this but if i was a high schooler i would quit yeah just quit school dude that's the hardest and you're like i don't want to go i don't want to do that 5 a.m yeah yeah what's up with the yeah it's actually crazy
5 a.m. And then you don't, it's not like all 5 a.m., but you're done by, by 11. Dude. One of the years, my, my basketball team for Creek would just practice at like 5 a.m. Sometimes they're like 6 a.m. Before school. Do you do the coaches even get paid to coach? I don't know. I'm not sure. Actually. I bet they do. Maybe they probably get paid.
I don't know, but it's like, that does feel like the, some people I think become teachers just to coach. Yeah. That felt like a, that kind of felt like golds to me, dude. But yeah, golds. Cause he was a, like a health guy. Yeah, I played for Golds. I played for Dirt and Dirt. You just wanted to get some coaching off. It's fun, I feel like. I would love to coach a squad. Who was the head coach?
What was his name? Head hoops coach? I have no idea, but he was so mean. Yeah, he was really mean, dude. I remember I went to a camp when I was in seventh grade. He was spitting in my face. Yeah, he was really mean. What do you do? It's really weird when you step back. Why are you screaming so loud, and why is it echoing across? Anybody could hear this, right? It's too much.
I remember he was such a little angry dude. Angry man. He was a little man. And they never won, by the way. Dude, not even close. But he probably loved that. He loved not winning. He loved just being kind of good. And just making basketball not fun. That was his passion project. It was making these kids hate basketball. High school hoops was not fun. You always were running plays.
Somebody gave me such a funny prank to do on you.
And even if you run motion, you got to dish and go screen. You can't just play NBA style. It wasn't fun. I did not enjoy it. But we won state sophomore year. Worth it. And I was at a soccer tournament. I wasn't there. That's crazy, dude. Imagine missing your final. That's unbelievable. It goes back to you, I think. It goes back to me. Let's see what we got here. I mean, I've got old people.
So to me, that feels like. Inaccurate. It could be one of two things. It could be, they don't do a lot of cars there or. Fucking love saunas. Everywhere has more saunas than you think, maybe.
Yeah, and you're going to have like kids. It's like dad's nine. You'd be this tall. At dinner, I'd just stand at the table. Yelling at you, like disciplining your kids. Yeah, and they would have to like. Don't talk back to me, young man. Imagine the pod.
It would be good for the pod. Every video would go viral. Automatic. We should find a way to shrink ourselves down for a video. Let's get some AI where we could be nine inches. Yeah. That would be awesome if we were really tiny in this chair. How would we? Oh, yeah. But then we just use our audio, but then it's just AI versions of us. I bet there's a way to do that. I think there's a way to do it.
Yeah. But if somebody wants to do that, I don't think we have a good enough, like realistic way to do it.
Awesome.
Isn't that like 90% of the ocean that we haven't even tapped in or something? I think something like that. Or I saw one of them, I believe it was 80% of the species are in the ocean. That's crazy. That's like, if I'm, if I'm like a guy, if I'm like Elon or something, you know how he just does this.
Well, yeah, you're like, you're like, that's the on top market. That, and it's right. It's exciting. It's right freaking there. That's, that's where some people say aliens are.
oh they definitely could be there why can't they breathe in whatever it's down there water i guess yeah i don't know i don't really understand how people or fish how does a fish like how do they live down there i don't know dude it's co2 or no they do they do gill so there's a bit of oh they do there's also just like but they do a gill system i know they do the gill program but which is needed but so are they are they working fish has tried to put us on a gill before we're like it's just not for us
No, I think that they just f***ing love saunas. Can we get to the bottom of that? Or are they low on cars? Do people not drive in Finland? That could be it as well.
One time I woke up, there was a fish trying to put gills in me. Yeah, they're very pushy. I was like, I didn't agree to this. And it's because they're proud of their culture. I want gills. I just feel like it would change me fundamentally. Yeah, yeah. You'd have to run a water system. I would have to always be underwater. Or do you have to run a tank or something on your head?
I would definitely have. Yeah, I would do a tank. Which maybe for a day or for like a weekend in Vegas or something. Yeah, but permanent gills are a real commitment. Yeah, yeah. Real commitment. I agree.
you're humming am i so i guess you're not fully humming nope do your nose okay so you can't fully you're kind of humming though
It doesn't external, but we also just heard it though. It's really interesting what type of role the nose plays in the hum. It is crazy. The nose to mouth connection is pretty crazy. In the taste thing? And it's all connected. Very interesting. So what? The noise is coming out of my nose? I think so. Really? That is crazy. Yeah, I think it's all. That's so weird. It's all.
But it's coming out of your mouth as well.
I was going under your nose. Yeah, I think you could hear a difference.
Yeah, yes, I do remember that. Crazy shit. That shit was cool.
All right, number five for me is going to be
Did it work?
They hadn't found its niche yet. Yeah, so that- But you know what's crazy? If you didn't know- It could play placebo. It would placebo you. It would be a placebo effect. Yeah, the placebo effect is real. Placebo is real with like ibuprofen and shit. Oh my god, dude, if you if you just tell me I'm like, I honestly like that's gonna make your headache go away. Like he bow would be full in effect.
Dude, that is a lot of saunas, man. Hold on. Are we... Do they call like bathroom saunas or something? That could be it.
Every doctor, if you're my doctor, if you're ever my future doctor watching this, give me fake pills. Yeah, and see and it'll work. It will work.
It's all mental, man.
Do you think you could get placebo? Do you think you could get placebo and be put under for a surgery? No. Have you ever experienced that? No. Yeah, you have. What? Being put under? Yeah.
You can't. That is the weird. Oh, I don't want to think about it. There's no placebo involved there. I'll tell you that much. Oh, my God. Yeah, you just get out. I had that for one of my surgeries. You get out and then you sub right back in. You get subbed out and you get subbed back in in four seconds. It's a miracle, man. It is insanity. And it's been two hours. It is. That's another one.
That's another one. When they need me up, it was a four hour surgery and I was, I was, I was out for one second and I just woke up and my knee was all, I couldn't move. When I had my thing, it was the same thing. Unbelievable. Yeah. Great job.
Yeah. How is LeBron righty-lefty and then shooting righty? That doesn't make sense. I'll put it this way. If... I chose to be lefty. I would be lefty. If you chose right now, you want to be ambidextrous in five years, you could develop the left. We're a little bit late on that, but I think dad got us like lefty gloves. Yeah, and I think we had a couple catches.
Or Yeah, we're just like, karate chop somebody's like, yeah, I'll just like know how to like fight. Alright, mine are only female mosquitoes bite.
Or ketchup was sold as medicine in 1834. It's going to be the nine inch one. The nine inch human. The smallest human was 21 and a half inches.
pretty small still puts he like a living human yeah do we have a photo yeah Wow what was his name here I'll show you smallest that's he actually had a Guinness plaque you're a baby don't call him no I'm just saying like that like like we just looked up the size of a baby there he is 20 inches I mean he's just a dude is he a dude or is he oh my god he's a dude he's a little bit taller than the plaque
That is- It's awesome. That's awesome, dude. I thought it would be like a- That's awesome. He looks young. I wonder how long he lived. He looks good. How long did world's shortest- What's his name? Dengue. Shut up. What the fuck? How long did he live? 75 years. That's incredible. So he was just a normal guy, but he was- Afshin. But he was 20 inches. That's awesome, dude. Damn. Good for him.
You think he played like sports and shit? I think he was too small. Probably. Maybe when he was younger. Probably. So that was that. Yeah, the soccer thing is apparently true.
I'm going to double check it. What does the word soccer come from? Association. Wow, that's odd. But I guess football is the name. And then we did soccer. Yeah, I don't even understand.
Sauna culture. Oh, it's a whole freaking culture. Sauna culture. Yeah, I've heard about sauna culture. Have you heard about it? Yeah, in Finland. From who? Like one of my Finn friends.
But Yoke has 50. We're playing the Wizards. Yoke's got a 50 bomb? Let's see if Aljamain Sterling won. He was 55. Aljamain lost. I was interested to see that fight. All right. What else we got? I got stat of the day here. All right. Let's see it. You have to get it. So it's something point something.
That's not bad. Better than I thought. I thought it was like 68. I mean, you're making 73% of your shots at the end of the day. It is interesting he's not 83. I think he's had years where it's 60. Yeah, and that's weird. He seems, by the way, like he's— Must just be mental. He's getting worse. Oh, really? Getting older and stuff?
Well, I don't—I mean, I don't really watch—the only team I watch is the Nuggets, but it seems like if you ever, like, check in with their box scores, like— Didn't he go 40 the other night? Triple duped last night. But, like, you'll see, like, 12. And that's not him, man. And you're just like, 12? Or, like, a 9. Like, yeah, 9? That's not LeBron. This is probably his last year.
your finnish friend his name is finn i thought his name was just finn i don't think he's finished ah yeah maybe he's not finished but yeah but i but he was talking about finn he was talking about sauna culture i don't know interesting in finland saunas are considered a deeply ingrained part of their culture so maybe they just everyone has it in their crib like seen as a place for relaxation social interaction and cleansing both physically mentally i mean i've with saunas i've with saunas heavy that's awesome guys i like that they took such a steamer if i could choose one
But I think he, oh my God, I'll be so upset. I think if it's his last year though, he did a good job of retiring at the right time. He is not, I'll place a bet that it's not his last year. I think that, do you know LeBron, man? Yeah, but he's like, when they ask him, he's like, but he is all about, and I love him by the way. I think he's all about like, Braun loves him some Braun. Oh, obviously.
So he's going to, if he retires, it's going to be. That's true. It's going to be the Braun. Oh, you know what? Maybe next year's his last year and it's the Braun tour. It's the Braun tour. Like the Kobe thing, but it'll be even crazier. I think that you shouldn't go on a Braun tour. Yeah. Personally. Oh, he will though. Oh my God. That's like. He's going to do a whole thing. A hundred percent.
Yeah. Or imagine if he just didn't and he just said he retired one day. That would be legendary. That's kind of the way he should do it. I agree. Just like I'm done. I think he should have retired after his last ring. You never know. Maybe he'll do it. I just feel like they have no chance. Oh, you think he should have retired in 2020? Yeah. Really? I mean, they had some nice years, though.
But they were never going to win. But I guess, I don't know. I think he did the Brani thing. Yeah. All right. We're going to play this game again. Riddle Me Sticks.
I love this game. First to three? Yeah. Here we go. Riddle Me Sticks. The first one is, if you want me to live, feed me, but never let me drink, what am I?
A secret. That's not even a good riddle. That wasn't even a good riddle, really. That was just kind of like an answer. That was just kind of like a... That's like facts about what a secret is. That is. I mean, that's... We just described a secret. Yeah, get to know the word. If you threw a blue stone into the Red Sea, what would it become?
And ocean rock, yeah. Wet. Shut the fuck up, dude. Fuck you, man. In what month do monkeys start playing baseball? This might literally, the answer I'm going to log is going to be like monkeys don't play baseball. I'm going to log June. April.
that yeah whatever what comes down but never what comes down why never comes up again i don't know what are you talking about is there something about that that we don't understand no i think they just wanted to do the ape they wanted to do the ape joke yeah so it could have been like something else when when are monkeys always born that's what it should have been baseball baseball what is a monkey's favorite month or just like i feel like they should have said we have a fun term about monkeys yeah yeah wait so april ape what is there something about real no
I don't know where the baseball. I mean, I guess baseball maybe starts in April. Yeah. Maybe it does. I don't know. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. What comes down, but never comes up again. Comes down, but never comes up again. I don't know. Sickness. Rain. It does go up again. It goes up. I guess it doesn't come up. That's stupid. It goes up. It evaporates up.
I mean, some of these are, they will be appealed. I will be suing. I fly in the wind all day, but never go anywhere. What am I? We'll flag. Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, that's those last two minutes for you. Guys, let's just play sports. Yeah, just play the game. Let's play basketball. Because it was two minutes 18 minutes ago. Yeah, Mike Malone's pissed. Yeah, what are you mad about? Mike Malone's mad. And what are they, down seven? Down five. Just stop. I think Yoke has like 60 or something. Just play the sport. 20 seconds.
I mean, this is a humiliation to the... There's 20 seconds left? Is this the worst team?
Really? I'd go steam. Really? Too hot, too wet. Too hot, too wet for you?
It looks like it's their ball. This may be the worst team. Yeah, what are they, 2-20? Worst team of all time. 2-20? Our best player puts up 50. We can't win. Yeah. Humiliation. Are they that bad? That was just a guess on their record. 2-20. So they are like 2-20. They have two wins. I don't know how many losses. That's terrible. All right.
We are two things people eat every day, but never, ever for breakfast. We are two things people eat every day. but never ever for breakfast. What are we? What the hell? I don't know. Lunch and dinner. Did you look at it? I did not look at it. I'll give it to you. 2-1. That's a good one. That is a good one. That's good.
What am I? Bone. Wishbone? Bone broth. Bone. Boner. Okay. You don't like boner? Ah, that's good. What is it? A trombone. Sure.
Tell me a funny joke and I might crack up, but never more than once. What am I? Tell me a funny joke and I might crack up. I might crack. An egg. I don't know. An egg. Wait, what? What? That'll do it. Like, if he laughs, he cracks. Tell me a funny joke and I might crack up. That was terrible. What does that mean? You know what? You're done.
This is the last time we're going to play this with Riddle Me Sticks. You're done. Let's get a new deck. You think we're afraid to ban you? Tell me a funny joke and I might crack up. You know what it is? Somebody explain this joke in the comments, please. I think this deck wasn't ready, and I think they crammed the night before and just had some work. That was from ChatGPT. That was from ChatGPT.
And then in a steamer, it might even be hotter, but I don't feel like I'm a cookie. I feel like I'm a cookie in a sauna. Dude, I have a problem with saunas these days. Like I can't get out. I haven't saunas. What? Like, cause it's so great.
Because there is no joke there. That's a mockery. You're done. You're an egg, I guess. I mean, whatever. All right, I got to blow my nose. All right, go blow your nose. Time out. You ever blow your nose and then you just can't hear? Blow my nose, can't hear. No.
neither he didn't hear me can you hear me no i can hear i can hear out of this here all right i got i got three newses should we just do it should we stick them should we stick them yeah we just do them now why not we're here so first i have just spotify rap drop i wanted to discuss who your top artist is who are your top artists um i can't go if you go first i'll i'll share i mean you know what who mine is my number one it was his first year claiming number one for me who steve-o
Wow, good for him. Mike was in my one this year. Good for him. Yeah, I mean, I'm Drake. I'm Drake all the way through. Yeah, I think Drizzy was in there. I think Connor slid in again, Connor Price.
you can, like, it doesn't show you your top 20, but you could search an artist, right? So I'm gonna, like, you have to guess. So I'm gonna search Kid LAROI, right? And then if you go like this and you go share, He was my number six. Oh, I like that. And they do it all the way through the top 20. So Leroy was my six. Like Lauv was in there for me. How do you know? How do you figure that out?
You just think. So like for you, was J. Cole in your top five? Probably not. He probably wasn't. So if he wasn't, go to Cole. Jermaine. And then click the three dots. And then click share. He was number six.
Look at that. So yeah, so you can find your top 20. That is a hell of a feature. And I like how they don't tell you the top 20. I like that too. You have to earn it. You do have to earn it. I like that a lot. But yeah, I thought that was interesting. Yeah, I think, I feel like... Was Steve in your five probably, right?
Well, I just like, it's like, I know that like I should be in there for like 15 minutes and I'm looking at the clock and I'm just like, I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's so great or I don't know if I'm like, I just don't want to get out. I just, I stay in there for 30.
I think he's lying. About the Frank Ocean?
got it and somebody commented like was this like this this eternal to take two was just to get out of his deal like a fray caution thing yeah and he liked it could be or he could just be like people didn't like it yeah i think he's just insecure that people didn't but it didn't land the way he wanted it to land so now he's just like ah like it wasn't but also might as well like it he didn't say anything he didn't even say it was that is might as well like make people think that yeah but like i think it's it's
I mean, dude, it makes me feel a little bit insecure. I liked like four of those songs, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So don't say that you were just throwing them away. Hey, Uzi, if you loved it, then that's all that matters, man. And I did like it. I thought there were some good songs on there. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, maybe, I don't know. Maybe he was just getting out of a deal. That is interesting.
Also, oh, the snack wrap is coming back to McDonald's? That's huge f***ing news. The snack wrap... I mean, I haven't had one for so long, but those are so good. Uh-huh.
Have you been seeing those memes? It's not funny, but since the...
i think i've seen kind of something like the the guy like it's like kind of like scary that that guy got killed or whatever and like all the memes are like all the ceos are now just like yeah like whatever you want like yeah that's crazy like so it's like it's like oh you know what fuck it we're bringing back you you want it you got it i am excited about the snack wrap i'll be eating a lot of those yeah i think it's um it's a good it's a good little snack man it's a nice 2 p.m play
I don't even think that nostalgia is lying to us. Oh, no, I don't think so. I don't think so. Because one thing I'll say about... It's the thing that mom would get if she got... That's what it feels like. And I bet they took it away because they were like, we're not... This isn't who we are. Yeah. We're not healthy guys. Yeah, because it's kind of like grilled chicken vibes in there.
Stop doing that. I can't. I'll look up some data and I'll find something where it's like past 15 minutes. It like kills like certain blood cells and then you'll never do it again. That would, yeah, that'd get me out. I'll find something. But it's like, sometimes like I'm, I'm like, I'm sweating, but like I could stay. I could stay. Cause dude, the longer you're in there, the better you feel.
Oh, yeah.
Of course it was f***ing good. And maybe it's going to make you feel not good. But that's not the game they're playing. It's not the game they're playing. So I can guarantee you that this snack wrap is going to be special. It actually tastes otherworldly good at McDonald's. It does.
It's so bad for you. Because they're like, I don't even care what we're putting in this. You know what they're doing? They're like blending like nutrition with psychology. And maybe even like this tickles the brain. Yeah. And they're like, they're not afraid to make their barbecue sauce like really sugary somehow. No, dude. Like somehow, like if you take down a barbecue sauce, it's like 12 sugars.
It is. Which is, that doesn't make sense. Is it actually? I actually made that up.
But I think that's barbecue sauce in general. Like if you look up like a bottle. It's a lot of sugar. Yeah. Which is weird. That is weird. That is weird. But I mean, I listen, I don't, I think that the snack wrap is going to be fucking, it's going to be special. It's going to be very good. I'm excited for that. And then I just got a, you hear the new Rizzler record.
I really, he really, he's like rapping. He's rap rapping. I just like talk like, and that flow is, he reminds me of like, Like chip on his shoulder, J. Cole.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a freaking purpose on that LP. And it was just like flow state. Exactly. And it was just like, oh, I'm not afraid to come after you. Nope. That's where the Rizzler was with this one. I like to see that. That's how I like my artists to be. That's what I think the fans want to see.
Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I don't know if it was just a leak or... Does he have his own artist project? I think he might be coming out with... A record? An album? Like an album, yeah.
He's a good And like just good artist I think He's a good artist altogether Yeah He was born for it I heard he produces a little bit too Does he produce?
I didn't know that Yeah He's vocal And a little bit He has a hand He has his hands on the keys With the beats Like he's not like making the beats But he's like He's in the room Yeah and he knows He's not just getting sent packs He's got taste No no no He said that He's like I'll never I'll never take a beat Like from a pack That's so interesting.
When you get out of a, of a workout sauna. You're like, all right. Yeah. You feel great. Yeah. I gotta go. We should go to Finland for real. And just, I'll go to Finland. I'll go to Finland. A hundred percent. See what the sauna culture is like. All right. With my one, I'm going to go to, I like this fact, or maybe it's not true. Only female mosquitoes bite. That's not true. That one's not true.
And I also saw that interview. Nothing wrong with taking beats from PAX.
Yeah, but no. Because they'll take PAX. Yeah, they'll take PAX. They don't give a shit. But he's very musical with it.
you know what i'm saying like you can hear that yeah you can hear that i heard he wrote on um the new uh i heard he wrote on the sheeran album did he really yeah on that on on uh which one subtract yeah because it's not and the thing was with that is like what actually you wouldn't think it because that's not his style like he's kind of grimy rap did he write on both but the waves yeah yes yes break my boat
yeah because he likes um like he just is a fan of all music okay yeah yeah so he's like he'll write for pop stars it's not his like avenue but he loves the the art of it 100 here mute this real quick because this sounds like him yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's what could that be
And if you talked about him, people wouldn't know who he is. It's an interesting question because, like, I bet we've talked about Rondo three times a year. Yes. I'll be honest with you. I think within a year, I would figure it out. You think so? Because I think it would be like you would say something to me or, like, even, like, Will or something. You'd be like...
like didn't Rondo play for that team? And they'd be like, who's that? And then you figure it out. And then I would Google it.
What the, like Rondo? You're making up a guy. And he'd be like the point guard. He'd play, won that title with the Celtics. And then like, what happens to like that? There's like that bar in that Jack Harlow song. It's just, he actually just said Ramo and it's his football player. Yeah. And then see then, like I would figure it out. Would you be like, I created this entity in my head?
Yeah, I think I would. Yeah.
The Rondo hypothetical would, it would be bad. So you think it'd be within the year though? I do. You think 2025? I do. Yeah. We got Brady here. Brady? Brady. Probably Brady. Brady. Brady Kruger. Like Freddy. That's funny.
Anticipated. Anticipated.
Yeah.
Staying on this theme, blind rank these things associated with the number one. Okay. That's cool. All right. So leading it off, we got Uno, the card game. Five. I've got nothing to do with Uno. It's fun. If we played, you'd be like, that was fun. Yeah. Here's the thing with card games. If you don't play them, I don't even know what goes down.
Why are you trying to dismiss Uno? I'm not dismissing Uno. You're acting like you're embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed that I play Uno. I've played Uno.
I've played Uno once or twice. You loved Uno. I didn't love it. I love Uno. I think the thing with Uno is I don't even know the rules. Yes, you do. It's not like a kiddish thing, man. It's fine.
We f*** with Uno. Yeah, you f*** with Uno a little bit more than me. You f*** with Uno, man. It's fine. And that's going to go on your five, though? Uh-huh. Okay, up next, we have Derrick Rose. It's interesting. We have a human being here. One. Okay, all right. I mean, Derrick Rose's prime. We weren't even really around for it. Oh, dude, it's such a bummer. It's such a bummer, yeah.
Are you going to spend your guess? I'm not going to. I guess we'll go till the end here. Okay. So you don't think that's true? Well, explain it to me. Only female mosquitoes bite. I think it was saying something about how they need that blood to like, something with like producing eggs.
It's almost like Ja Morant. But he would have had another 10 years of it. Oh, my God. Because it was his rookie year. What a legend he was early, man.
Then we got the $1 bill. Or we just have $1. I'm going to call it the $1 bill. I'll say it, too. I like that $1 bill.
I like it. I like the $1 bill. Yeah, I'm always going to rock with a $1 bill. I think it's a classic. Okay, then we have first place. Four. Yeah, you're broad.
First place in what? Am I first place in something I don't want to be first place in? Yeah, if you're first place in a line getting dinner, that's not that cool. Exactly. If you're first place in the Olympics... There's a lot of... And first place, it's like in real life scenarios, it's never that good. It isn't, dude. It really isn't.
Because you're like, even if I'm second or whatever, if I'm the second richest person in the world, it's still great. I got a lot of money. Not a lot of people are first. Yeah. Then we got New Year's Day in the four. I don't even hate that for New Year's Day. New Year's Day is the worst. It's just a day.
i always thought it was cool beans like he's chill is it was it more was it a temperature based thing was it like a science he was scientifically a cool bean so yeah that's crazy but then he's just such a cool guy that people said it's like yeah i think i think um it's just going to be interesting what the public perception is about cool beans being hot right because it's way it's do you know it doesn't feel right it feels weird to me even like i don't that doesn't feel right to me that's not the cool beans i know
Yeah.
No, but he'll be like, I'm still cool, man. I'm cool. I'm a cool bean. But you're not. But you are cool. You're a cool bean to be around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, but like you, you're, you're, if I, you're hot to the touch. So it's like at any point you could, you're steaming beans at any point you're, you could just, Hey man, you're a hot bean. You're a hot bean.
And maybe, maybe he'd be changing it to like hot, like you're, he's hot in the streets. He's like hot bean. Or maybe, maybe this is his like bad boy or like he, like he, he's like becomes a hot, like a grownup hot bean. Maybe, maybe he just uses this for like a year until maybe he taps him with like the girl demographic. He's like the hot bean. He's the hot bean. Yeah. Yeah.
The girl beans love him. Exactly. Yeah.
He might be a genius. He might be an evil genius. All of us. Yeah. But I mean, it'll be interesting to see how it works. It'll be fascinating.
We got Reed MS09 here.
I don't know. I think they're... It's like an ass, I think. Yams are butts? Or boobs? I think it's a real food, but I think it's like... She's got yams. Yeah, I think that's boob, right? She's got big yams. Which, by the way, I saw a comment... I think yams might be butt. I saw a breadstick wrote in. They're like, love the Mad Libs who need more boob jokes, though.
Like, are they going to vote this guy for the president of the nut community?
i don't i i think i think so i think he's got more favor than almond at this point i mean almonds doing the you you know how pissed all the all the other nuts were walnut uh i know pistachio that he cashew cashew cashew like went on a rant on twitter because almond made a milk yeah yeah i know i know what do you know what are you making a milk for almond he said because i can i know and that but see the power got to almond's head money talks and he just exactly like he wanted to do a brand deal i'm gonna produce milk
Right? But maybe I did. How'd you even get there?
Yeah.
And they're passionate about causing allergic reactions. And that's not, that's something we don't necessarily get. But I think there's just things in the nut community that have to be figured. How about like pecan, his rights? Yeah. Pecan rights. Exactly. How about we address that issue? No, no, no. More than let's make a milk and let's make money for nuts. No. The economy for these nuts, man.
It's shitty right now. It's down. Exactly. The economy's down, but you made your milk? Walnut doesn't even have money to pay for groceries. Don't even get me started on walnut. You know where I'm at. I'm f***ing livid about the walnuts.
I know you are. Well, you're really outspoken about it. About walnuts specifically, yeah. That one just hits close to home. I know it does. I know it does. And I've been praying for you. Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate that very much.
Oh, f***. Yeah, I do. I do. What do you like? I just think he's like a no bullshit mentality. Like he's just going to... He would shake things up. He would shake shit up in that community for sure. They need a change. Yeah. They need a change.
We got...
love carmel maybe just it's just fk love carmel by the way love carmel by the way he loves carmel carmel i think he was like i love carmel but yeah yeah it's just he just he just put fk love carmel yeah or he hates love carmel yeah which is a different thing um so here's this like he just has a new version of the alphabet basically let me hear it a b c d e s g yeah
T-I-R-K-L-M-N-O-P-F-H-J-Z-U-V-W-Y-X-Q. I mean, that really is a good version. I like Q in the back. I like the goth letters. Y, X, and Q are all in the back. And Z raised up a little bit. Z was like in the 20. Yeah, but the thing is, that's a good start for Z. I really like S moving up. I think S could win letter of the year one day.
And I think one of the reasons he doesn't is pigeonholed in the back. A-B-C-D-E-S-G.
And I like this concept a lot. We got fun facts, but then one of them is not a fact. And you have to guess which one is not a fact. And do you win if you guess? Or it's just a fun little twist? You guess.
What?
Yeah. He's the leader of that sleigh. He's the leader of the sleigh. I think Rudolph should watch this now. You think so? I think you should watch it. Why? I think you should watch what you say around Blitzen, man, because Blitzen doesn't play that shit. Yeah, but what, are they going to release Rudolph? They're not going to release Rudolph. They'll drop blitz.
Well, I think mosquitoes in general have a really good PR staff. They do have good PR. The fact that they're still doing it and performing and flying around and not in prison and stuff, because they're biting humans.
I'll tell you that much. There are better reindeer than Rudolph. I get that. I understand that. But who? Dasher?
Who's coming up in the minor leagues? What about Tommy?
louise louise yeah yeah louise has been training yeah he's a one of the russian reindeer exactly those guys are different carter carter yeah blazing speed on these guys so i would just i would watch your back rudolph you probably only have a couple more christmases he is a little he's i think he should have hung it up actually a couple years i think so too i think so too yeah we got caleb this i like this question um
No, 14, I think it beats me. I just know Steph. Does he have the strength at 14? He does, I think. But I just know that he, I've watched documentaries or whatever, maybe like a 30 for 30, and he changed his jump shot when he was in high school because he used to shoot from here. And then when he went up and shot it like a normal jump shot, he couldn't shoot for a while.
So I think if you catch him in those years. So 14, it was probably when he was changing it. Yeah, so maybe I get him. Let's say, yeah, if it was like college threes. You're 5-5-5-5-5. If he's in that phase where he doesn't know how to shoot because he just is trying to change it, you're beating him. Okay. So there's a chance.
And do we think Zach could beat 14-year-old LeBron in 1v1 to 11? No. Unlimited dribbles. LeBron was already LeBron at that point. I think LeBron was actually a 6'8". I think, yeah, he was basically. He probably could have played in the league at that point. He had arrived at that point. Absolutely not.
by they're they're biting they're they're stealing blood they're stealing blood um they're just put think of like if if you were going around biting stealing blood you'd be done you'd be arrested if i if if if there was a sequence where i went up to a stranger bit them stole their blood and then they were they were itchy for four days and jail for like jail or jail for three years bail or something a hundred it would be a long it would be a long trial for me
10? I think up to 11, maybe 12.
Yeah, I mean, but 13, he probably beats me. He's probably already like above six foot at that point. He probably was. Yeah. This is from Josiah here.
Let's say it's like that, like that star, like a black, like Star Wars red texture, you know, that classic, like you see that a lot. Yeah, I mean, I think terrified is the key word here.
Terrified is the key word. I think it would take a lot of shirts. To get terrified, yeah. I don't think it would take a lot of shirts for you to notice. No, I think it would take two shirts for me to notice.
You think? I think, I mean, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I think, but after a terror day, terror is a crazy emotion. Like tomorrow we have footy, you go, everyone's wearing it. That's pretty scary. I guess. I mean, maybe I would never be terrified. Honestly. You more so just be like, I'd be like, what, what's like, this is kind of fun.
So you'd be like, this is awesome.
So just never.
How do you do?
It's just a trend at this point.
You haven't even tried a crumble cookie, man.
Whatever. An even better large cookie.
It's like the best thing ever. So you don't have data and you have to just be at a place with Wi-Fi? Yeah. Like you just basically just have an iPhone. That's like this phone. And you have to be on Wi-Fi for it to work.
Yeah, I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. It'll suck, but I can't not wear socks. You can't go out and not wear socks. You can't play footy and not wear socks. There's workarounds. But then there's so many things about it where it's like you can't really be the guy. You can't really drive somewhere by yourself if you don't know where you're going. Yeah, you don't really have...
It's a really tough, it's actually a really... I think it's a very, very good question.
You know what? Because I think you can't, not wearing socks is kind of nasty too. You know what? You can't do that. I think we need Wi-Fi. We need cellular data going forward. We really need it. But we have it. I'll just work here. No, but then you leave and then you can't use it. It's a problem. I know, but it's a problem, but I think you could work around it. I'm going to go no socks.
you don't want to go no socks is never going to be a problem i don't think it'll be a problem at our game tomorrow that is true there'll be a problem at our game it's sports problem we try to be a problem at the gym dude when you're doing this no you want to have no socks but no you somebody might not even know they'll just think i'm no showing they'll think you're no showing but you'll get blisters and stuff i just think there's workarounds with data there's workarounds with data but there's no issue with socks is my thing there's an issue tomorrow's match
I'll just quit.
But I think that's a very good, very balanced out question. But also, I could wear no socks tomorrow on the field. I could wear no socks on the pitch. You could. You could. And you know what also would probably happen knowing that the human body is your feet would get tough. Oh, my feet would be fine. They would toughen up. You'd have to figure something out for this podcast. Yeah.
Yeah. They're very strong. Very, very strong. Should we snake here? Yeah, we can snake up. I'm going to snake into my two. Let's see. What should I do here? What should I do? What should I do? The smallest mammal is the weight of two M&Ms. And you know what? It's not a lie because I got to show you this guy. It's called the bumblebee bat. Wow. It's just a mini little bat.
Well, I would just shoe up. I would shoe up. You would shoe up and then have this. Yeah. But if you're shooed up, people could think you're no show. Exactly, man. I think there's no necessarily downsides with that. I want to award that question of the month because I can really see both. We're going to go question of the month. It's a great question. We got Jack here. He said, hear ye, hear ye.
What's up? He said, what is the coolest sporting event you have ever been to? Personally, I was lucky enough to see Luca drop 73. That is crazy. That was cool. To just pull up to that game. 73 is a lot. It's a lot of points. And then he said, I asked Trent. That's our brother who lives in our attic, our third brother.
I asked Trent if he wanted to come, but he said he'd rather wallow in the darkness of the attic. Is this typical of him? Very typical.
But he doesn't, he likes it. Like it's not in a depressing, like he's like, I'll wallow in the darkness. Yeah, it's like a snap thing. It's like a funny. I'll wallow in the darkness. Yeah, it's like funny. There's a couple answers. I think I know what you'll say and that's like the obvious one. Go ahead.
That was the first one that I thought of.
Very sick. Yes. And then the RV Torielba home run bounced right in front of me. Oh, yeah. Somebody stole it. And then somebody, some old guy just caught it. He just caught it in front of me. He caught it in front of you, but think now when we get that perspective. Give him the ball, asshole. You were like... And I was so bummed. You got to give him the baseball, man. Yeah, dude.
Give the kid the ball. It is not that deep. What are you going to do? That's what I'm always confused with. If somebody's asking for a signature or if you get the ball, give it to the kid. Give it to the kid. What are you going to do with it?
He played on the rocks for like a couple games and he was bad. But we were like fucking all in on it because we were like, this guy gave us his freaking gear after the season. Shout out to the guy who gave it to Pop. Yeah, great guy.
I still know where that bat is. Yeah, it's at home. It's like a red bat. It's got pine tar. Yeah. Sick item. So classic. We got Tate here. This will be our final question.
A teacher one? Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, use them. Use them. Good riddles. Yeah, use them. They're good riddles. Yeah, use them. Yeah, use them. Except for some of them suck. Yeah, use them. Use them.
It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. That was a fun noise. What the hell was that?
uh my question is how many screwdrivers do you have to see in one day to vocalize your frustration with the world also i had salmon and rice for supper last night and i'm scared of people's knees knees are kind of gross and weird so i kind of get the knee thing um you never know where you're gonna see a flying knee i'm sorry to cut you off yeah yeah you people get hit by flying knees yeah man i was walking down the street i'd
Oh, was it on a person or just a knee?
Sometimes you'll see that, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, salmon and rice. That's cool. Cool with that. I love salmon and rice, man.
A lot, dude. Yeah, I like a lot. I mean, you know what, though? The barrier to entry is not that high. To vocalize frustration. But I would be a little bit frustrated. I might just be like, today, we were just getting... There was a lot of stuff going on. Yeah, we just had a couple... A couple hiccups? Yeah. And if I saw like four screwdrivers, I'd be like, what the fuck is with all these?
What do you get reminded of?
I think on a normal day, though, something about me, like today, yes, two screwdrivers. But I feel like I'm pretty lenient with screwdrivers in particular.
You are.
yes he's in your crib or he's coming to visit hide your hammers right like yes and you'll be pissed if he's like i'll put it in the garage isn't good enough no it's not good you can find the hammer it's not bury it yeah bury the hammer or throw it out exactly lie to me and say you never had exactly yeah
It's from like five years ago. I don't know. What's up with that? I don't know what that even means. I think it was, uh, you, when you have reminders, they just never go away. Yeah. I don't know what is it ever. It's like, I'm X-ing it off. It'll come back. It will come. It already came back. They're good. They're doing a good job of reminding. Yeah. For real. They, they do remind you.
Come back. Come back. Come back. And Dalton, let's get a graphic up for that. It's an episode. Come back.
A.K. Gilbert.
He's another one. Thank you guys for your help. Yeah, I mean, listen.
I think let the guy live, man. Let him have it. It's a big deal, man. Huge deal. The biggest deal. Exactly. He won Rookie of the Year. Every teacher wants to win Rookie of the Year. Yes. And I don't blame him. You know what? He's probably making a scene around those halls. As he should. I think maybe let him have the rest of 2024. Exactly. 25 post-winter break. It's time to lock back in.
It's a new half of the year.
He's a good dude, too. He's a great dude. It's a well-deserved award. He's a good teach. So let him flaunt it. And I would tell him, again, double down. oh yeah double down man you won the award exactly it's yours yeah you have the belt exactly it's your belt yeah enjoy it that'll do it for our epi i believe that'll do it for the epi i think it was 86 i think 86 or 86 part two yeah love y'all
I think what you have to do is you have to click like complete or something. Well, I have never done that. Do you have like five-year-old reminders too? Oh, yeah. It's always like send coach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send coach permission slip about. Or like get blood done for college. Yes. For sophomore season. Yeah. Get blood done.
Yeah. I've had that for like five years. It's always that shit. Yeah. Pay Misty. That's like a newer one. We should make sure that's done. That might just be like one that we need. Anyways, this, look, it's on the fingers.
Fun little wrinkle? I would say you win. I would say it's more of a you win. You win. And what do you win? You win the moment. You win. Do you need anything more? You're a winner. Yeah. But yeah, I like this a lot. So do you want to kick or would you like me to kick? I got some fun facts. I'm going to kick. I have fun facts as well. Okay.
It's a mini little bat guy. He only weighs two M&Ms? Yeah, he weighs two grams. That feels like he weighs way more than two M&Ms. I think that one's zoomed in. Here, I'll show you. I mean, it was on the guy's finger. He's like the size of a finger. My finger might be two M&Ms. It's not like that heavy of a finger. Look, dude. Oh, my God.
so cute little bat yeah so adorable i kind of want to have a pet bumblebee bat look at that little freaking guy unfortunately for these guys look at that they would be really disgusting because they just you would be like that's just a big bug it would get bug vibes yeah Because that's what I always tell this. And you got, yeah, you got to tell many, many animals, pick a line.
Because rat and mouse aren't big enough to be cute. They're gross. And you say, well, why are they gross?
I would have to see him in person. I think you have to go ant size if you want to do that type of thing.
yeah yeah because even even oh but you know what answer like that seems like it's the size of a beetle yeah that's the poster shot of disgusting beetles are really beetles are the grossest thing yeah it's as gross as it gets beetles crickets i think give me the beetle even grosser than like the worm The worm is almost like... Dude, worms hang out, man. Worms kick, they squirm.
Yeah, like worms aren't bothering you either. No, no, no. Worms are cool. Worms are sweet.
They didn't tell you to smoke two joints while you're watching the football game. They didn't tell you to go to class high. Right, right, right.
Right, exactly. My question for worms is where you eat, where's your mouth, where's your ass? Just tell me that. Mouth should be up front, ass should be back. Or is it just right in the middle and they're like, they're just kind of like. I think two arms. Yeah, yeah, I got there. Like, like, like, just feel like mouth and ass, though. It certainly feels like that.
But have you ever seen a worms mouth or ass? No, I haven't. So so like, and have you ever seen them eat something? How does that work? I have not seen that. How do they consume? I think they're just long body guys. I think they just absorb stuff. I don't know. There's no like ask is would it be weird to hit up one of your buddies?
One of the haven't said he knew a couple I haven't talked to him forever. But say for the pod. For the pod. I know, but for the pod, where's your ass and where's your... Yeah, that's kind of a weird question. It's like, hey... We could have one on.
And I think this one, I feel like the last one I kind of sold on my- Yeah, what was your fake fact again? I remember it wasn't good. I remember mine was about Mr. Monopoly. I do remember that. And then we have the rest of the stuff today, by the way. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we could have... I'll text him, try to get Kyle on for the next... If you guys want us to have a worm on the pod as a guest, let us know. Yeah. Just to pick his brain.
That's a lie. I'm going to call that your lie. You don't have to tell me if it's a lie or not. So basically, I think that's a funny concept. It's like, you're like, I chose to be ready. You're just, you don't know. It's not, it's not like a conscious, it's not like you're choosing. It's just like, Oh, you lean one way kind of. Well, it's just like,
I think that's a lie, dude. I think you're lying. That's how it works. I think. And you know what happened with. I think you're naturally in your DNA. You lean righty, you lean left. And you know why people suck at. If mom is handing me the fork in the left, I would be lefty.
it's not dna it's this is what this study shows it's not dna i think it's made up though this isn't a study it's a psychological thing like if you if your entire life you just you just were like i'm lefty and i'm just like why would you develop the left yeah and you're right and you know what wouldn't develop you're right i just feel like and you know when people say they're ambidextrous you haven't what they just were working both their whole life they just were working but they were they were like they can you just tell me if it's true or not so we can have this discussion
You can't tell. Well, I got what's ruined the whole day.
I also would say, if it was a choice, because I still think you're lying. I think it'd be more 5050. But unfortunately, no, but but this is where I don't know that it's DNA. What this is where, like, you know, when people are just all over the place. They're like, I write with my left. I Yeah, what do you mean? Yeah.
I mean, I don't, that's like, because when they picked up a pencil and he was doing lefty, when he picked up a basketball, he was doing righty. And then it's just all got jambled up. I mean, that feels accurate. I just, to me though, I don't understand why it'd be 90, 10. That's what, I don't either. I don't either. I think you're lying. We'll see. We can talk about it more if you're not.
That's got it. It's water. Yeah, I guess it's just like a lot of water. I don't think you'd have made that one up. I think it's just a lot. Because water's got weight. Gallon of water's got weight. But why is it floating in the sky? Yeah, dude, that's one of those, like, that gives me parrot vibes. Clouds can be... That is magic. It's weird. A lot of the world is kind of magic.
What a beautiful sentiment that you just... It's so true, though. Like...
clouds dude that's what you just look around you're like oh wow and it's like there's a cloud and trees and like and you're like and this is and like people and like birds and like birds will birds if you if you yeah birds are a good one i had a phase bugs even bugs yeah when we first moved to santa monica it's like there's a tesla robot right there's a there's a freaking beetle there's a yeah well yeah let's let's not get past the fucking it's insane dude
And then he would just take off and like fly into the water. That should be impossible. And he's just like this, like right over the water. Yeah. And he's not getting wet because he can fly. That feels fictional. It's cool. Did that actually happen? Did that actually happen? Yeah, you would watch a bird fly. I would like, I think I probably have it in my, or no, no, no.
Wait, so where did you get them? I got them from like a list. From like Google.
I would write in a journal because I would just be like, I was very, I was in such a mindful bag. Yeah, that was a good bag. It was a great way to start every morning. It's just, it's a lot of time to walk there, walk back. I have a roof. I should start sitting up there. You could roof up.
And then you didn't. Okay. Yeah. I don't really check them either. Hopefully they're all right. It was like an article. Yeah. Yeah. Same. That's exactly. Finland has more saunas than cars. Finland has more, more saunas. Yeah. I mean, I don't think that's going to be your lie. I'm going to leave that as a true. And do you tell me or not until the end? Not until the end, but I mean. That's insane.
But yeah, I mean, shout out to birds. I don't know. So you watch the bird fly. I mean, that's crazy. It is really crazy. And you know, I'm going to try to, I'm going to try to get in that bag with things more. It's a good bag to be in.
I'm in a bad bag with that. It's like, I, I go to orange theory and then I go, I start editing. But you go to orange theory at least. I do. Like I go seven at seven and then I do it. But if I don't go to orange theory, I'll just be editing at seven. Yeah, it's not a great bag.
I've even been cutting my walks. Oh, you've been cutting your walks? A lot of times I go around the block. I've been walking down the alley. Sarah and I do a walk. We do an 815 walk and sometimes we just cut it right around the block. Yeah, it's like when you feel like we got work.
And some point, it's going to be zero. And then it's going to get cut. And then it's going to get cut. And that's what happened with Beach. Yeah, Beach got cut.
My third pick is going to be soccer is an abbreviation for association. That's a lie. As in like football association. That's a lie. As in football association. That's a goddamn lie. That is a goddamn lie. Or like ASOC, A-S-S-O-C, soccer.
I kind of want to put it on Brotherly. I can't because I would ruin it, but I'm not lying. My fourth pick is going to be, wait, have I lied yet? Seems like you just did, brother. Or am I, is this gamesmanship here? Oh, my fourth one is going to be the smallest human to ever live was nine inches tall. That was a lie. That was a lie. That one's definitely a lie.
It was nine inches tall, which is sick.
No, full grown, nine inches, which is sick. Let's see a picture. I'm not going to show it to you. This guy, that's the lie. He grew out. He was just kind of like, he didn't grow. So how did he start? Probably around, I think that's your height when you're born. I think typically maybe you're like a foot. Let's look up how tall you are when you're born. Finn was freaking so small, that little guy.
I'm pretty sure you're like tiny ass. Stop talking in centimeters. Yeah, don't do that. Sorry, I'm sorry. I can convert. 19 to 20 inches. Okay, so this guy was a really small baby and I think he just didn't grow, maybe. No, that's... I mean, nine inches is like...
Okay.
100%.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's double digits.
100%.
Go retire again.
I wanted to formally... Look, it's spelled right there. D-T. Take a screenshot, DT. Take a screenshot, DT.
F*** you, DT. Look, DT.
100%.
100%.
What are we doing?
100%.
100%?
100%.
100%.
all right epi 134 here um listen we got first of all these cameras are like up yeah they feel up on us today it feels like they're anything different or they just i they feel like they just i set them and it seems like that they they came up yeah that's on yeah that's on them that's on them that's on the can that's on you know what that's not you should understand the film that's and we've told him what you do outside of the pod studio when we're not filming you can go out we we're actually very lenient
Don't even do it. Just be like, what is it? Uh, 11 days. And then you're going to do, it's going to be like fucking 600 days. It's 31 years. That's crazy, dude. So you got not even two weeks as the millionaire over here, and 31 years as the billionaire to the millionaire. They got so much more money. And that is... Oh, my God. Dude, you could just buy anything.
Well, you're just... It's like... you're kind of pissed that they even have the alien air. Yeah. You're like, you're like, we, we, I need a different thing. Like, you know what I'm saying? I, yeah, I have years on your, on your days. Yeah. Don't, don't, don't talk about like, like I don't honestly, billionaires are probably like, I don't want to rhyme with that word anymore. Yeah.
Because it's not the same. You're 11, you're 11, 365th of one of my units. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but that's just how much dude being a billionaire is nuts, man. I might sign up. Really? Maybe. I'm in the same boat. I think it's a 60-day trial. You can't cancel until after 60. I don't know. Maybe. It's just a lot. It's a lot. It's easy to just do it, but it's doing what I'm doing.
It's good facts, man. With my four, butterflies primarily taste with their feet. That one's fact. Okay. That one's pure fact. That one, you could send your Google anywhere you want. I'm not even going to send my Google. I'll believe you there. I don't know what it means. That seems like something. How do butterflies taste? That seems freaky. Butterflies don't have tongues.
They do have some taste buds on their porbusca and some on their, but most of the taste buds are focused on their feet. So they just run taste buds on their feet.
That is... Yeah, it's kind of like freaky. Yeah, what are you doing? What are you trying to do? What is that really for? And now I'm starting to rack my brain. It's like I dapped a butterfly up at the gym today. What was that about, really? Right, right. And he held on for another second. Yeah, and he was like, ah. Yeah, weird shit, man. Actually, I think... He said yum. Yeah.
And you, yeah, that's, that's not just a catchphrase. Not just a catchphrase. You guys are weird. That makes, that's like weird with like taste buds. Like we could throw taste buds on our hands and then we could taste with our hands. It's just the buds. It's not the tongue. It's the tongue has buds. Yeah. And then, and then you're like eating and tasting. Oh yeah.
Eating and tasting are different things. Yeah. They're completely different. That's crazy, dude. Cause you could taste like this then.
Put them on your knee?
Honestly, feet is not a bad place to have buds. Not a bad spot. It's easy to just kind of like eat a... I could be eating a cheese stick right here.
Yeah, I don't think they... Rats laugh when tickled. So I'm just going to look up like rat getting tickled. By the way, rats and mice and... They're all kind of... I mean, yeah, but like those guys, they do make very cute little squeaks. And so I don't know how a laugh would really come out. Rat laughing when tickled really popped up quick. Let's see. Let's see what happens here. Here we go.
You could just dunk your toes into it.
Is that true? Yes. Why? I'll double-check again. I don't know. Damn, honey. Wait, so— But doesn't it—I feel like it would just, like, be, like, hard. No, honey does not go bad. In general, honey doesn't spoil. I kind of want Sarah—we have honey. I want her to look at the expiration.
Yeah, there's expirations on water bottles. But I don't know if it's for the water or for the plastic.
By the way, I'm... I like water, man.
I drink water a lot.
I switched to Voss. Oh, yeah? uh 35 grams of sodium in there so it's one of those i don't i'm not really sure what that is all about dasani type shit type shit what are you doing 35 grams of sodium or they're fucking with their water grams whatever something's going on with the filtering of that shit that they're throwing a little chemically in there it
It's just like, that's kind of like, unless they're, are they claiming, are they claiming like light electrolytes and hydration? Cause then maybe that's how you could pick up a little sodium. Like, are they making claims on the bottle of that or anything? I don't think so, man. Then what are you doing boss? I don't get it. Yeah. I don't know. I don't get it.
Cause, cause like a salt electrolyte serving, it's like a thousand.
Sodiums. That's a lot of sodiums. Yeah, but like 35 and 1,000, it's like you're giving me 3.5% of that.
You have an electrolyte beverage, boss?
That's what you should ask.
Great fact, man. Right?
Right now, there's a baby... Congrats to all the... Yeah, congrats.
Yeah.
That is higher. So then 260 divided by 60. Yeah.
4.3 per second.
Again. That's crazy. And if we want to get... Yeah, do it. Do it. The deaths. Yeah. Fuck. I don't want to do this.
I really don't want to do it so we have 4.3 born per second I mean I think by the way we're swaying down right we're swaying up oh we're swaying up I think right I don't know I always get confused about like fucking I mean if we're our population's going up the number's always going up so then the death's gotta be going the deaths have to be lower yeah but then so that's good we need more kids I don't know it should be going up it should be about if you guess it on the dot okay I mean I could so how many I'll give you what will I give you
$10. $1,000. Okay. No, no. I'll give you $1,000. I mean, the thing is the margins aren't going to be that different because it's like. And it's a specific number. So 4.3 is babies? Well, no, but we're going per minute. Okay.
Okay.
107. So we're fucking cooking everything up. Yeah, we're getting people.
We're getting babies, baby. Good for us, man.
He's giggling, but like that is kind of just like noises.
We love you.
This pod is giving birth to... 15,000 little babies. Welcome to the world, man. That's awesome. Welcome to the world, little Timmy. Shout out, Timmy. R.I.P. Tom. Yes.
Okay, I have... Do we want to do P.O. or do we want to do... I have some more of those. Yeah, I've got five of those. I have five as well. Okay, so let's go five. We're going to go team. What should we name this series? We should name it The Journey.
Okay. But I'm kind of testing you today. Okay, I've got more easy. I've got like easier guys and a couple harder guys. Okay, so the first guy on easy mode today is going to be Bulls, Birmingham Barons, baseball team, Bulls, Wizards.
Michael Jeffrey Jordan is correct. Okay. One for one. Mine are kind of like all in the same level and then a couple a little harder.
Thunder, Rockets, Wizards, Lakers, Clippers, Nuggets. Is he active? Yes. Clippers, Nuggets, Clippers.
Well, sometimes, you know what we should do? When the teams get flying, you're like, ah. You know what we should do? You can't emphasize.
Because that's the hard thing about these. Yeah, like Thunder and Rockets needed to be emphasized. Thunder, it was like Thunder. Yeah.
I mean, I had a blast. Yeah, I had a fun time.
Yeah, yeah. But if we don't emphasize, you know. Yeah. Okay. Up next, I have Wake Forest, San Antonio Spurs. Should have been number one, to be honest.
Yeah, that he stayed with the Spurs. And Parker and Ginobili all did, right? They never went anywhere. I mean, Parker went to like the Hornets for some reason.
I don't really know what that was about. He did do that. Ginobili didn't though, right? I don't think so. But that's just like, I don't. You know what's crazy about Timmy D? What? We say he's this low-maintenance, keep-to-himself guy. Is that even true? We don't know. We don't know anything about him. It might just be literally his mannerisms on the court look mellow. We don't know shit.
Yeah, I'm having a good time. And I think maybe ask a rat before you tickle them. Yeah, probably. You know what I'm saying? Because maybe that's a defense mechanism. It could be. They laugh it off, but really they're anxious. Or they laugh it off, but they're pissed. Maybe they're embarrassed. Right, maybe they're embarrassed, yeah. About their armpits and whatnot.
You don't know Tim Duncan. You don't. You really don't. I bet the people that play with him, they would have a completely different perspective on Timmy D. I don't know. Yeah. We don't know him. Yeah.
That's fine. I mean, I don't have to get them.
He... Go ahead. Should come to the Nuggets. He should, dude. Yeah, but we have DeAndre. He's kind of like that. He's retired. Yeah, he's an active retired guy.
But I know him.
You think I might not know?
What? You want me to emphasize a little bit? If you would. Kings, Suns, Celtics, Cavs, Lakers, Nuggets, Wizards, Pals, Lakers, Mavs, Hornets, Suns. Wow. And it's honestly like Kings, Suns, Celtics, Cavs, Lakers, Nuggets, Warriors, Pals, Lakers, Mavs, Hornets, Suns.
This guy went to every team in the NBA. Yeah. Give it to me a little slower. Kings. Yeah. Suns. Celtics. Celtics. Celtics, man.
He's a crazy case. He's a one-of-a-kind case. One-of-a-kind. I'm going to get this. I'm going to get this. Work with me here. Super, really fucking good on the Celtics. And then nowhere else, really. o'shea thomas yeah yes yeah interesting case for that guy man helped me to get there i wouldn't have gotten them but it's tough dude because you weren't thinking about o'shea thomas
He is the reason that I really... It's like I'm happy for MPJ that he got his bag.
And so they laugh, but it's not cool. It's just that they're putting that face up. Yeah, that ain't cool.
He got screwed, dude. Why? Because did he... What? He never got his big bag? Ever. He was the third in MVP voting, and then the next year he got injured. If he just held on for one more year... That sucks, man. Whatever. We don't got to put him on blast here.
That sucks, though. He got screwed. What was his injury? Like a hip flexor or something. Oh, he was so electric.
He's 5'9".
That was so cool. Yeah, he was on the Nuggets. I remember that. 5'9", dude.
J.R. Swish, man. J.R. Swish said he would have a shot of Henny every game. He's a baller. He was in today's NBA. And he had a good career. Prettiest jump shot I've ever seen. Oh, yeah, dude. That's the most aesthetically pleasing.
No, it's not crazy. It's just good facts.
He also didn't go to college. He was just raw. Just a fucking baller.
Yeah, I'd say this is like plus 2,000. Wow. It's just like, it's even harder than IT. So it's a niche, like, basketball player.
Okay. He's like that, but he's like, if you know Ball, you're like, that guy was fucking good, is what you'll think. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. Wizards, Blazers, Bucks, Nuggets, Blazers, Clips, Lakers, Warriors, Blazers, Pistons. And I can emphasize if need be.
Yeah, to me, it's like Wizards, Blazers, Bucks, Nuggets, just because we're Nuggets fans, really, to be honest. Blazers, Clips, Lakers, Warriors, Blazers, Pistons. I kind of think of this guy as a blazer, a nugget, and I think of him as a blazer, nugget, and laker. Nuggets just because he played for us, though. I don't think people would really think of him as a nugget. He's retired? Yeah.
LeBron, that is crazy. He's on the younger side of coaches, but he's not even close to the youngest coach in the NBA. And I also feel like there's been more and more young coaches coming in. Yeah. So, Missoula. Yeah, but just guys. Fucking Redick. That's crazy. Yeah, he's older than his own coach. Yeah, that is nuts, dude. Also, like... There's a lot of... There's a 41-year-old.
He's tough, man. Andre Miller? No, and kind of a laker. That was a good guess, though. Damn it. Wizards, blazers, bucks, nuggets, blazers, clips, lakers, warriors, blazers, pistons. I remember him being on the lakers, just being a good piece. I'll be so mad when I don't get this. Maybe, but he's pretty... Yeah, but I'll be like, I could have figured that out. Blazer. He was a Blazer, huh? Blazers.
I'll give you another crazy hint. Yeah, give me one. When you said Blazers, right when you started saying it, I thought you were going to say his name for a second. Blake... Finish it out. Wasn't his last name Steve Blake? Steve Blake. Steve Blake, dude.
He was good on our team.
That guy's awesome. That guy is great.
Oh, my God.
Steve Blake, man.
No, he probably does. He probably has like 100K. Yeah, but Steve Blake basketball. Yeah, there you go. That's fucking him. Should we DM him? Yeah, say come on the pod. Would love to have you on the pod. I would love to have Steve Blake. That's Steve Blake, right? Yeah. Oh, that's Steve Blake. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey, we'd love to have you on the pod, Steve. Good pro NBA player.
Yeah, what a classic. See how hard it is to be a good pro NBA player.
Bulls, Sixers, Heat, Warriors. Wait, say it again?
Buckets? Buckets, yeah.
Not too tough. Not too tough.
OKC, Boston, Memphis, Clippers, Magic, Cavs, Wizards, Jazz, Rockets, Nets, Nuggets, Rockets. And you said they're active? I think so, but it's kind of like DeAndre Jordan.
Yeah, Jeff Green. Yeah, Uncle Jeff.
Spurs, Raptors, Lakers is where I need to have this guy. Spurs, Raptors, Lakers.
Spurs, Raptors, Lakers. Spurs and Raptors, you were giving a nice emphasis. Yeah, sure, sure. Spurs, Raptors, Lakers. Spurs, Raptors, Lakers. I don't know.
Danny Green. I wouldn't have gotten that.
Yeah, maybe we just like. By the way, this podcast is brought to you by Underdog. Underdog, man. Code Breadbasket for deposit bonuses up to a thousand beans. Shout out to Underdog, man. You could do anything on there, right? You could do anything on there. I mean, we've touched on it before, but I don't think that we fully explained. You can. Okay, so you can. Are you talking ladders?
Adam in, I think, is 43. So LeBron could... He's in their range, yeah. In two years, he'll be the 10th youngest coach in the NBA. He'll just mix in with the coach ages.
I'm not talking ladders.
Yeah, go ahead.
But adjusting the lines... Yeah, it's the best thing. Because you could say, like a Jalen Brunson, right? His line's probably going to be 24 points. Right. You could send that line down to 14 points. Or you could crank it to like 34. If you really think it's going to go off. But that's just working. Or if you're like, I want a safe... I don't think it's going to go off.
Let's go under and go under.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very nice. Very, very, I'd say one word for me, really easy and solid user interface. Yes. Very, very good UI. Yes. So take advantage of the code, a code bread basket. Like we said, up to a thousand beans in bonuses. Let's get right back to the episode. You start opening those, I'll just start opening it. We have a gazillion of these.
Yeah, so get that going. Because I've seen people like Americans try. Yeah, and it looks like we're getting some grad invites. All right, so shout out to the grads. All right, so this is like literally a knife. Congrats, grad.
It says many bad ball stumps. That looks like a cricket, I think.
Okay, so we'll play that. So we'll play cricket.
Well, give them a shout out, their name. There might be a note in there. Come to my grad party. That makes sense for this, honestly. Yeah, I wasn't expecting to hear that. He sent a grad invitation. And then the note said, come to my grad party. Kind of random.
Congrats. He said, come to my grad party on May 26th. I don't get that part of it. I just don't get the correlation there, but whatever.
Oh, cool. That's a rugby? Rugby. Very cool. I like this. Whoa, there's no laces. Wow, that could have killed Scott. This is a neat ball, man. That's one of my favorite balls now. Very neat, man. We'll find room for this. Okay, all right.
Very neat. And sorry to the audio, guys. In fact, we want to try and get these chips going.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was just saying. Does that look good to you? I think it's Australian. It looks like it could work. Okay, there we go. Note. Thank you. Thank God.
Okay. Walk me through this package. We could kind of... Oh, Tim Tams I've heard about. Didn't we try Tim Tams? I can't remember. Hey, Keith and Kenny. Yeah. What's up?
He might be. I don't know. He might be trying to play until he's 50. I don't know. I wouldn't, I think when he's 50, he's still like 12, 6, and 4, probably. And if you're 12, 6, and 4, you're like, you're better than, you could play on the Nuggets.
Interesting. I didn't know that.
That's okay. Yeah, no, it works.
You got involved.
Yeah, thank you. What was it again? Grab a Tim Tam, Alex. Thank you, Alex. I think grab a Tim Tam. Let's do a Tim Tam and a Tiny Teddy. And I think you want to dip it into the Vegemite.
And I think we're going to be disgusted by the Vegemite, but we'll see.
Well, maybe maybe we should do a tiny tight and just try it. Yeah, we'll put it Okay, I'm trying to Tim Tim Really good Wow Really good
And if you were playing in Europe, you'd be averaging a triple-double. It kind of is. Like, if you're Braum, what do you do? You keep playing. He's all-NBA second team this year. You have to keep playing. You will keep playing. But, like, absolute answer? Yeah. You go to the Cleveland Cavaliers. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. And that's a perfect time for him to go. Yeah.
But we'll open all the other shit. Okay, so you have a tiny teddy?
Best of luck in there. I think it's going to be disgusting, man. I think it's going to be gross.
I just don't see it.
No, but then it kind of tastes almost like peanut butter. I don't know what the hell just happened here.
It ended a little better. In the beginning, Zach, it felt like... That was terrible, man. Thank you, though. I appreciate it.
That's what you were saying? I mean, it was really, like, bitter or something. Yeah, it had some sort of punch in the beginning. Yeah, some sort of a... I guess, you know what it is? If you don't know what you're about to be biting into, that was salty. I didn't expect to get something super salty. And it was very poignant with the salt. It said, I'm fucking poignant. I will not sacrifice.
But we'll go through all this in the next pod, I think. Yeah, and we'll go to a couple of pods. And I'm glad we got a chance to meet Vegemite. And you can hang out for the rest of the pod. We got more grad shit.
I would assume they have food. McGregor, Scott, bro. Ridgeline High School, May 29th. Congrats, grad.
Congrats, Cray. Can we know where any of these are? The Maverick Center at 7.
Maybe we get another package, too?
Is it blank? I think so. That's good.
You want to read it? Let me see it. That's so funny, dude.
Yeah, read it.
That's what he should definitely do. Have people been saying that yet? He needs to do that.
That's a good question. We'll definitely keep that. Yeah, we'll keep that. That's like... It's one of the more thoughtful ones. We'll keep it up here for now. It's... I had to... I almost don't want to like... Should we read it again? Yeah, read it again, actually. Grab it. Grab it. Where did it go? I can't reach it. Whatever. It's good. I mean, you read it. I mean, you heard it.
It's not changing while it's up there. This looks really cool. So this is my thank you note.
How is Goombas for Change going? Whatever. Zach was taking such a small percentage of donations, I assumed it was going well. Justice for Goombas, breadstick jelly. It's fine.
Yeah, we'll write back. Have you sent any of the signed cards back? Yeah, we've sent a couple of them. Hell yeah. Okay, so we have— So he wants us to send it back to him. Yeah, so we'll sign these.
Where is he getting these? So we're going to keep one of these, and we'll sign two and send them back. Is there a Bo Nix in there? There's not a Bo Nix. It's those three. Thank you. Thank you for that. Thank you. We got, what, two more packages?
All right. And you know what's crazy? It's like a nice one. It's nice. I mean, is there really no note in here? It almost hits harder with him doing that if there's no note.
Oh, my God. You know what? There's a lot of gamesmanship here. I'm not going to lie. This is hard. What is that?
But we won't be encroached upon again. So we'll talk with all three of you. And stand down, middle camera.
That is a sick move. Fucking hurts so bad. I'm not going to lie. Shout out to Jack. That's a sick move. You got us.
Yeah. But I don't even know if, if the, if he stays in LA. Yeah. Maybe he goes, probably does.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. God damn it. That hurts. That hurts. That would give it to a Thunder fan in need. Yeah.
Well, because, yeah, it's like a... It would be like a controversial look. I'm dead serious if I walked into, like, somebody's house.
I'd be like, what is this? What if she's from Oklahoma City? It would change things a little bit.
I'm going to be honest with you.
No, I'd be like, who the fuck are you? Yeah. Like, where did this come from?
Yeah. Like, I thought we were kind of, like, getting.
Dope. But dude, it would be perfect though, because they got Donovan Mitchell. They got all the young guys and also they lost in the second round. So you're not, it's, it's your ring. Like if, if they go to the finals and win it all, like I think LeBron gets the finals MVP. Yes. And they very much could next year. And that's the window. And he's still an all-star.
No. Unless you're from OKC.
And I'm going to be honest with you, Jack.
What you attempted to accomplish there, you did. It felt like a fucking... It did. When I opened that and I saw it, it really brought up some emotions I forgot that I had. Yeah, we're podcasting, so we're trying to keep it moving, but yes, it worked. Good job, Jack. That's a good move. We got one more? I'm not going to lie. We got one more. There's trophies on the box.
Should we guess what that is? Yeah, we should have guessed what that last one was. Oh, so it's a trophy? No, I mean, it feels like a... Let me shake it. It kind of feels like nothing.
Send us your address No way I've been this I've been needing this recognition award official notice CEO Gomez for change this will be hung right that is so funny this is
gift of the year that is hilarious I mean this is for me gift of the year yeah this is as good as it gets do we know who it's from can we give a shout some of these sticks I'm telling you they just they do it for the love of the game I don't see a name. I mean, there might be a name somewhere here. There's got to be a name. Again, for audio only, we've got a plaque here.
That is hilarious. If we find his name, we'll shout him out. I'm not seeing a name on him.
Benedict Sturrock. Oh, there we go. Shout out to Benedict Sturrock, man. This will be going right above my down piece. Great gift.
Do we have any other notes that may have some content in it? We do not. That last note was just, it was dense. So we probably don't have time for. Yeah, I don't think we do. I think that's it. All right, let's get on cue. Questions from the sticks.
I mean, we said it about the Nuggets.
It's a good loss. But isn't it a little bit disheartening because that hasn't happened to them? You know, they, that team has, it's the, they're the best, it's the best point spread in NBA history.
But it isn't like, who got a ring? It's like KD going to the Warriors. KD was the best player on the team, though. But they won without him. Very true. And then they added him and won again. Yes. But I'm trying to think of a guy that was past his prime.
They don't get blown out. That was their whole thing. I've been hearing that, you know, it's like, that's, it's, it's gotta be a little bit, you gotta start blinking a little bit, I think.
Dude, we went seven. It's crazy.
Out in the East, I mean, I'm on the Halliburton train. I'm on the Pacers train. Yeah, I think the Pacers win that series. I'm all in. I'm starting to think that they could win the NBA championship. I think they just get crushed by the Thunder.
i think they definitely beat the knicks i think they're the thunder but worse yeah kind of actually i mean if it's thunder pacers you got the best player in the series is on the thunder more depth with the thunder better defense thunder better no way no shot to beat the thunder unless unless somebody gets hurt on the thunder you know what the thunder don't have uh, that dog in them. Yeah.
I guess, I guess the Pacers have that. Yeah.
Absolutely. Like the Pacers, but they're just a worse basketball team. So I just don't think way worse. They just won't be in those spots, but I, the Knicks are like the perfect matchup for them. Cause like they can, Knicks are never really going to blow them out. Like they're like skill level. They're right there. So they could just win close games. That is true.
I mean, the Knicks are, the Knicks are, the Knicks are interesting. I like the Knicks, man. Yeah, I just, I want them to, I would love, I would love it to be Nick Steele.
I'll watch it.
Definitely.
Questions from the sticks.
I like the money there. I like the money too, but I think you need to think about the risks associated with it. Not being able to measure your driveway. And also like the curiosity factor. Oh, yeah. Where you're like, well, what is the slope of my driveway? Which is something I like to know throughout the day. And it's something that, and we can all agree on this, changes. Yeah. Right? Daily.
Yeah, which Ray, he happened to play that big role. But if he didn't, yeah. But it wasn't like his team. Yes, it's like if MJ went to the Wizards and they were really good for some reason. Yes, and they won one. You wouldn't be like, that counts. Right, right, right. Or like if Shaq played Shaq 1-1. Yeah. This one would be... For sure.
Daily.
No. And we know that. Right. But we're taking the million dollars. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly.
That was pretty good writing. And you got a question as well. Yeah, I didn't take the shoe. I like the verse. I saw Brent take it. Oh, Brent took it. And I'm not a snitch. Brent, breadstick Brent took it.
So like that's a good verse. Could you read it again? One, two, skip a few. I am me and you are you. And my question is, who stole my shoes?
Yeah.
that is the main story so that's the first thing yeah scott i don't know it's like we we have him covered he doesn't need the bunny oh you think it's ai oh i don't think it's i mean scott's a very famous fish exactly like they're it's not so you think it's ai scott shit and it's like i think it's his fans i mean i would ask joey this i haven't i am not on only fins but what like is scott's face in any of it because that's that's important to know
You know what I'm saying?
But, yeah, that's Joey.
Yeah. We've got King Breadword III.
yep i've got quite the would you rather would you rather have to sweat mayo or pea mustard both have the original spell but neither burns personally i would choose so he made his choice yeah um hope you guys agree with me so he would choose um i mean it's a sweat mayo pea mustard definitely uh you're out
He'd be their second most... He'd probably be their best player.
Dalton, give me a winner. I think, yeah, that says bomb fuzzle, right? Where is it? At the bottom? Yeah, it's just, yeah. Oh, you had three times too? You were like late in the pod. Yeah, I was late in the pod. I checked. I was like, what was it? It was bum something. Yeah, and I saw you check it. Yeah, fuck, whatever. But I would pee mustard. If you're sweating mayo, it's like you're sweating.
Like if you're at a bar and it's hot and you're sweating, you're sweating mayo.
But it doesn't burn. And if you need mustard. I guess, yeah. That's good. And pee doesn't smell good to begin with. No. So it's like, does mustard smell bad? Dude, you kind of already pee mustard. Yeah, kind of, if you're dehydrated. Definitely pee mustard. It doesn't smell good, and it's just like yellow.
Yeah, that is... I definitely think that's what he should do. I don't know how I didn't even think of him doing that. And Cleveland. Cleveland would just... Yeah, dude. Oh, my God. This one would be more than the first one, I think. He's already probably the most legendary guy to Cleveland ever. Imagine he comes back and wins another one. He's literally like a god forever in Cleveland.
Yeah, that's the obvious choice.
We got Noah Wade. He said, Good day, gents. I just rewatched Mario's flick that came out recently. Mario did really great, but Toad is clearly on something during the filming.
It's really sad, but it's clear that he's not well. How do you guys think he got such a big role in the movie? Do you think he has something on Mario and Black Mountain? Thanks. Love the pod. And I love Dalton. Tell him keep up the good work.
Keep up the good work, Dalton. Tobe is definitely on some shit in that film.
I don't think he's on anything crazier, which is...
good i guess like he's yeah i guess he's not like injecting that pot yeah i guess but i mean he wasn't when he was filming right but i don't even know i mean it's tough to keep up with that guy um his performance was really good and that's what's hard like i don't think he blackmailed mario either i think i think they're like we need a big name in this slot yeah from the mushroom kingdom yep toad is still the guy he's still the the figure and it's like if you and it's that's the problem is like
But he's such a shitty role model. Yeah, really not somebody you should look up to. But, yeah, he did great in the film. He did.
Payne's going to say it. We got Brad Van Vliet here in Brad's Head, entry number two. Remember he said this?
In Brad's Head. Today he said, hey, diary. And, by the way, this is how Van Vliet's so good. This is his phase he's in right now, in Brad's Head phase. Like, sometimes he's in question phase. It's eras. It's eras. This is the Brad Head era. And, like, he might win another MVB. He might. And like Olivo, you know what I'm saying? Like it's going to be tight. Yeah, Olivo's here.
Do they? Yeah, I think they have like eight major league wins. Holy shit, dude.
That's unbelievable. I know. It's genuinely unbelievable. Brad put it really well. They need two hands to kill the amount of wins. It's un-fucking-believable to be a Colorado Rockies fan. That's damn impressive, and they inspired me to be great. Also, I was thinking how it's really okay to drop the soap. Picking it up is the problem. Yeah, it's like slippery. Well, yeah.
He already is, actually.
Yeah, I don't... I wish we...
okay brad just brad you know what he did the dick thing he did the dick thing yeah brad you're what's he doing i don't know because i by the way that in brad's head stands i loved i loved it me too i love yeah i mean wow i don't know brad i don't i don't know brad just seems like he's in a weird place just keep you know keep journaling and working through it brad yeah for sure thanks for writing it and good for the rockies really
We got Zach Parker. He said, wow, I'm going to cry, man. Wow. Hello, Zach and Daniel. My dad always said to me. God. God damn. Oh, my God. That's not even the type of pod we are, but like.
My dad always said to me.
But I'm proud of you. And I believe in you and you can do it. Yeah. And the power of it. And you have, it seems like you have a great father. You have an incredible, you, you have been blessed with an amazing father. Amazing dad. And the power of an amazing father figure can go a long way.
Yeah.
So that album was one of the original albums. I guess that album was... Yeah, and that shaped it. But it is crazy. Really good longevity for him, man.
And also his second album came out
No. Like at all.
like a week after he died so that album was already cooked he was probably in album mode yeah and then they just they just let it fly but his first album what do you think his first album was called uh i mean everybody that's a rap fan probably knows i know what it is i can't but i didn't what is it again ready to die yeah that's crazy what yeah dude that's almost that's almost more legendary
But that was also three years before he died. Yeah, that's crazy. That's so sick. And then his album that came out after he died, which I think it was supposed to be called maybe something different, but it had something about death. They called it Life After Death. That's crazy. So they named it that. I mean, he was dead, so he couldn't have named it. Life After Death is the right name, though.
But I think he named it...
Oh, like he named it before.
It was something like death. It like had that thing and it was before. It was called like, it was supposed to be called like live till death or something. Like he knew it was going to die. Yes. That is crazy, dude. It's insane. But also maybe he was just like, I, I'm going to, maybe he knew like he was putting stuff out there and he was like, they're just going to get me or something. Yeah.
That's on our cameras, man. So we got draft of just kind of facts. Draft of just like, of just, yeah, yeah. Like just. I just kind of have fun facts. Maybe I'll be fun fact guy.
That needs to just that. What a career. That is correct. Yeah. Really, really, uh, did a lot with a little. And he makes good music. Oh, yeah, they're great. It's some good stuff. They're great. He's got some classics. Yeah. That's a good fact. Both good facts, man. Thank you. See, I'm having fun. I'm having a little bit of fun. No, and my facts feel better now. They were like, oh.
J it wasn't Z. That's awesome. That wasn't, it wasn't Z. And do you know if the first, what was the first letter? Do you know? I don't know, but it's like, like how does the alphabet get its order?
So by the way, sorry about that, but it is, that is true. Yeah. That's agree to disagree. But the way I look at it, and this is how like me and Z's me, this is how me and like all the Z's kind of like we, we framed it is like, you know, the first letter was a, uh, That's awesome, though.
But he's one of the best letters of all time.
What, just I with bad handwriting? Oh, my God. I with a loop. Holy shit, J. What the hell? How could you even go wrong? We got to stop being mean to J. Because everybody picks on J. That's the letter you kind of pick on. And then this says J is a bit of a late bloomer. After all, it was the last letter added to the alphabet. My goodness. And that's on the big one, dictionary.com.
That's like complex for these letters, man. Why are they even doing that to Jay?
No, they're not related. Jay's phonetic quest for independence probably began with the sound of the letter I. What? God, dude.
We're just piling on at this point. Wow, man. So Jay was last. When was he? Probably second or something. But here's the thing, Danny.
what letter what number of the alphabet is j uh no idea yeah you got no fucking idea 10 yeah you you like so you like being 26 we're the caboose yeah you're the caboose like we're we're like very good you could you could make it like you're like the cleanup hitter you're like exactly you're like the uh fifth pk taker right you could do that bang and a is first pk taker yes Yeah.
Maybe you want A on the spot. E is two, D is three, right? Yeah, sure, sure. S is four, Z holding up the caboose. Yeah, the caboose. And then X is like 11, like if it goes five and then another one.
Dude, J is a bitch, man.
I'm sorry. I mean, J is, wow.
I also don't even, I feel like, dictionary.com may have something against jay that was crazy because that shit was crazy jay came from i what does that even mean and that makes no sense and like you guys are smarter than that you know that's not you know that's that's not the truth no that ain't the truth that is crazy um i got my next fact the yo-yo was originally made as a hunting weapon
That doesn't feel... I think it was like, you could look it up, but I don't think it was the yo-yo as we know now. It was a spiked yo-yo? It was a spiked thing on a string, and you'd throw them, I guess. Dude, honestly... I'm going to look up that, too. I don't really, because I feel like it's not as efficient as like... It's also like...
very good on the way out but on the way on the way back you're you're the one getting hunted museum of yo-yo history like you it's okay see this this is a much different yo-yo yeah that's that is that dude looks like he's and also where is he that guy's in like a full-on storm okay so that's more of a disc yeah i guess let me see that what was that picture that's just the museum of yo-yo history let's look at the guy
Yeah, that's good.
He's a little big. I mean, I got a weird angle. Is that a hat? You know, yo-yo culture is weird, man. That is really odd. That's a hat. Yeah, it's an odd culture. It feels like you're kind of defending the yo-yo guy. Do you know him? Do you know that guy? I mean, I know his lineage. I know some guys that knew him. This idea, however, lacks historical evidence.
where yo-yo has a rigid weapon the weapon was able to be pulled and thrown back down for multiple attempts at the prey but when it this gives rays but this is a stretch of imagination has no real basis in fact i think it's not a fact i think yo-yo yo-yo is the person who started this well we should just spread that fact yeah i'm very down like i don't mind you guys are watching just spread that fact yo-yo is a weapon also like
right right they don't like i don't have to put a title on my facts no sure sure yeah um do you want to kick us off though you can kick off because no but i want you i want i want to have a blast to kick it off really okay so we'll do i'm just fun facts i'm just fun and by the way and and but don't like feel pressured into like having fun with your facts
Oh, yeah.
Imagine you're a bear. You're like, can you back up?
And you, like, just, like, scrape him on the first time? Yeah. Then you just, you're.
I think that is maybe what they had in mind. You zip it in. Yeah. But if you miss, congratulations, you played yourself. It's coming back up. It's spiking your hand. You should use a gun.
For one weapon of the year, most years. Yeah, didn't Sword win the other day? Sword won. Lightsaber. Lightsaber's gifted. Kadaif won one year, which was kind of weird. Politics. Yeah. So I did two and three? You did two and three.
I did one and two.
yeah it's a crazy thing i'm looking at you right now oh it's fucking you've never looked at you and i'm i would love to see me i mean you do it in a mirror but it's not the same you know you see it on video and it is not the same oh seeing yourself on a phone it's like it's not even you it's not you at all mirror a little bit mirror yeah but no yeah that's like trippy to think of I know.
How much would you pay to just get a glimpse of yourself? All of it. All of it, dude. You can't see yourself ever. I know. It's so valuable. I feel like I would be so... I think I'd be scared. Yeah, number one.
yeah that this is cool oh my god that would almost be that would be crazy dude imagine watch talking to you as you i would love to just switch bodies for a second yeah yeah and then just be like what you just sit i've never even sat in that chair and you never will and i'll never sit in there yeah i wouldn't even think to do it that's fucked up yeah
yeah billionaires cool like like just how much money they have yeah it's just it's sick to me and i would love to maybe have a billion dollars i've been thinking about it okay like it's just maybe uh just so you know anybody yeah you just have to just anybody could do it you just like i've just been thinking about signing up yeah it's all i'm saying and it is just a sign up i think you just go it's a good you just have to make a gmail for it yes to make a new account and then you can be one
Like, there are less facts than your facts kind of thing?
This is just putting into perspective how much more a billion is than a million.
So a million seconds is 11 days.
So let's think about a millionaire. They got whatever. That's you got a millionaire. Here is 11 days. Yes. Of seconds. Yes. How many, how many, what, what's a billion seconds?
A lot more days. Cause we're not talking a hundred million. We're talking 1 million, which then he's going to Zach, he's going to work up to a hundred and then you're only one 10th.
So 11, I mean, I could do it.
Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't know. You know, you'll probably be about as good as I was. That's kind of the way it works, you know. And I was below average. So you'll probably ultimately rank somewhere around there, you know. So really, you'll excel at a lot of things, just not this. I don't want you out here shooting this ball around all day and night. All right?
OK. All right, go ahead. Hey. Don't ever let somebody tell you you can't do something. Not even me. All right? All right. You got to dream. You got to protect it. People can't do something themselves. They want to tell you you can't do it.
Be good, just hold them down by your side. Yeah, great.
Yeah. Okay. Okay. Everything was fine. Thanks. Thanks. Great job, Ricky. Good job in the car. Ricky Bobby, a force to be reckoned with possibly in the near future. I don't want, I don't want to take the Star Wars one.
No!
No!
No!
19.
20.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
24, 4, 5.
I don't appreciate that either.
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8.9.
F***.
Wow.
Unless, I don't know, unless Drake just does have a daughter.
Yeah.
And it's, like, now it's so much easier to have, like, all the footage. Yeah.
They got everything, yeah. Like, Drake, fucking...
So the Grizzlies could just...
I think 40-something.
Yeah, they shot better from three, I think, free throw and the field. But they had 20 turnovers. We had 11.
But we had 11. Yeah. It's not like we went, like, zero turnovers to 20. It's like we also turned the ball over.
No, it's like, dude, no.
It's just like if we just were going with DeAndre Jordan. Yeah, yeah.
That is who that is.
No, no. You take him, but you're like, we're preparing for the future. I just don't think this year. Yeah, yeah. It's just crazy how people forget. I just don't see it. What, the Lakers winning? Maybe they could. I think the Wolves win this series, but even if the Lakers won this series. Oh, they're not going to win.
Rapid fire.
Yeah.
8.4.
Which I am pissed about because... We'll talk about it more when we get into it.
There's just like candy hanging out all around my teeth right now. And honestly, it's starting to be like, all right, when are you going to go away?
There's a serious... I actually do have one caught up top.
But this is a Laffy Taffy. Yeah. But it's cold.
Really?
If I have to do like just a stitched eye, then no.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Hopefully.
Peace.
That's when you start to say like, well, what's going on here? Yeah. Yeah. I'm saying, can we, can we talk to the family tree a little bit?
Oh, yeah, that'd be good.
And just being like, by the way, that guy that went viral with that tweet about LeBron James was LeBron James.
This one comes from Joey.
Probably, yeah. Because at the end of the day... What is it?
Yeah.
This is the patio.
Broncos are going to win.
The Nuggets were terrible 10 years ago. But it was kind of fun because you know that we're building something. You know what I'm saying? If you're the Jazz right now, it's about to get good.
You don't do that.
I'm going to do... Fuck, I don't know if I should do a million and Cheez-Its.
Okay, so no jaw. But the jaw, I would love... You know how fun it would be to just be playing pick-up and just dunk on somebody?
Yeah. If you were to sit on a voodoo doll of yourself, would you ever be able to get up?
So your voodoo doll, if you like, if you like have a voodoo doll, you know what a voodoo doll is?
If you have like a voodoo, if I had a Danny voodoo doll.
And I like, and I like pinched it, then you would get pinched.
It's like you're sitting... You are sitting on you, but then it feels like somebody's sitting on you, but nobody... So I can't... So I'm trying to get up, but it feels like somebody's sitting on me.
Yeah. So you're, it's like, you're just sitting on you.
Okay. Let's just take a jog down the lane of what's gone on in the jean space.
The fuck is this? What the fuck is it supposed to do?
Easily.
If, God forbid, a guy gets pantsed, your dick might be out.
Yeah. So those are actually, I think we uncovered three documentaries. Pants, how are they going back and forth? How does pant feel about it?
I got El Jefe. What's that? I just want to follow a couple days in the life of Bezos. What is it like to have every dollar you could ever imagine happening and then multiply it by a thousand?
Like, what could be in there?
Right, that's what I'm saying. If he goes and shoots hoops, does everyone go in probably?
I do kind of actually feel bad.
He's like a celebrity.
Dude, you won't even look. You won't even be recognizable.
Let's not get it twisted. I mean, if you want to get on the ladders, do it.
And also three words that come to mind are user interface.
Very nice.
Yeah.
Yeah. But let's get into this draft. I don't know if future Danny and Zach introed it. We're just going to draft a football team of brand mascot.
But again, he already flaws in the quarterbacks.
Like he's, he's coming in. He's, he's a positive guy. I mean, I was, I mean, I didn't even know about all that.
I just think it's, it's going to be impossible to stop in the red zone.
Nobody wants to be a pea. Canning company. I think peas are part of it. Brands of frozen vegetables.
Come swimming right back, man.
If they're, if they're on the same team, they got to sit. And like, you got two guys that are like, You know, EB is going to want the ball, but then – Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.
Yeah, and that's kind of how it goes, really. You're either defensive-minded or offensive-minded. He's going to run a sick offense.
no that was um captain crunch oh it was the oc there and then he came in right after yeah yeah yeah but he put i mean he's been pulling strings for a while for sure he's he's a that's a hell of a coach danny i'm gonna grab my coach i'm gonna go more defensive okay uh colonel sanders i yeah i thought yeah yeah yeah defensive genius defensive guru yeah I don't even know if he's a defensive genius.
He's just very hard-nosed. He's just going to do it the old way.
Yeah, I mean, you can't go wrong. I think players don't love playing for him, to be honest with you.
Yeah, I guess players just don't like being held accountable.
So you're not going to, you are, it would make sense if you're not friends with the rest of the team.
You're just, you're using your hands, but everybody else is using the goalies are still fine on the team. They're fine, but they're definitely different.
They're going to be different.
I would not do that. I wouldn't do it either. I just wouldn't do it.
We're just writing stat of the day.
I wouldn't be too tough on yourself. Yeah, I've got just some, like, player comp. Like, I was literally thinking of this in my bed.
And I've seen these comparisons.
But sometimes it's just vibes.
Sometimes it is just like that.
Yeah. I'm going to give you, so one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.
Um, Danny, your first one starting tough here.
The DeMar DeRozan version of drew holiday.
Jalen Brunson.
I do too. Because there's easier ones, though. Like when you bring James Harden's and stuff.
Okay, ready? The Chris Paul of Dwayne Wade's.
The Chris Paul version of Dwayne Wade's. The Chris Paul of Dwayne Wade's.
Yeah, I guess don't trade him for fucking nobody because he still is like a starter.
God, I want you to get it too.
And here's the thing. The sticks, there's a good chance the sticks are like... I don't fucking know.
Good at defense.
Who's in the NBA and still in the playoffs.
Christian Brown.
The Clippers of Oranges are... The Clippers of Oranges... I want you to give me like 10 and see if I... Because I bet I couldn't even get them.
The grapefruit.
It seems like we got a ball. I fucking love balls.
Pause. Stress balls. Hell yeah. Glad Danny enjoys the spinner. Dude.
You know, it's like we're catching fish. This is very sensitive shit.
Okay, is that a name?
So he's maybe talking about like a Chipotle situation?
Yeah.
But maybe that's the way he wanted it.
i'm i'm willing to i'm again i just want them to know like i am about it okay right so if you guys want to set me up set me up sure this one comes from nick um greetings carino guys questions for questions for the pod what would you do if you lost your pants god forbid me personally i'd be utterly distraught keep in mind you will no longer have pants also i have a complaint i lost my pants
Yeah, I do think... Well, he was utterly distraught. And I think Nick said he was utterly distraught. Yeah, so that's kind of consistent amongst people that I know have lost their pants, because now that makes two, Nick and my buddy back in the day.
And I think Nick's doing the right thing by calling in and letting us know, listen, I lost my pants.
I think the next step, though, is...
You know what I'm saying? I would say work with a jort. Just make a plus play.
We just got a simple blind ranking from Owen Henry. Let's do it. He's doing a double first name, which I recommend a lot of my clients do.
Yeah, double first. Doubled up. You know what I'm saying? Double first.
you know what i'm saying like if i i would like wish i was zach john yeah because you could uh danny matthew right yeah but we're rocking middles you know what i'm saying it's not even doesn't even work like that he says uh hey z and d blind rank these five people based on how much you'd want to have a beer with them okay that's fine cap and crunch
Damn it, I lost it. There we go. We're back.
Yeah. And then he said, thanks, and we should wrap more things in bubble wrap.
Very nice.
Oh, wait, it's just four.
This is from S-Z-Y-M-U-S.
Little underscores in there, a lot going on. Do you see mayo and ketchup as friends or enemies?
Maybe they're not boys. Maybe it's more of a work thing for them.
But I think that they would be more friends than enemies.
If you go burger and you go mayo and ketchup.
Outside of the burger though, do you really do it? I don't know.
I've seen that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think Julian should be good next year. Next year, we're in a good spot.
Yeah, the overwhelming positive here is that, listen, going into these playoffs, we get bounced in six first round. Yoke could have easily been like, get me out of this team.
They're the toughest team to beat. I think it was, it would have been an even worse matchup against the Timberwolves.
I would love for it to be Wolves-Knicks.
That's so insane. So we get Jimbo for three years.
Let's go. Julian Strother needs to take a step.
Yeah, definitely. That's got to be it. Let's just, can I just, let me just pull up some NBA players. Just see what we can do this offseason. Okay, so we got Bruce Brown, free agent. There we go. Pick him up. That's easy. Take a hometown discount, buddy. Karis Levert would be a nice option.
Luke Kennard. I don't know if he's a big defender, but you know what?
He's a Memphis Grizzly. He's a Grizzly Bear. Let's go perhaps a Larry Nance Jr.
Play some defense. Trey Jones, I don't know what his deal is. That guy is off his rocker. Gary Payton. Yeah, I mean, there's options. Gary Payton's great, yeah. I feel like Gary Payton is kind of like almost a P. Watt, where it's like there's no offense going on.
What do you think Knicks Pacers, what do you got?
If I went to a Knicks game, if it was Knicks nuggets in the finals, I would put a Knicks jersey on.
Yeah, I'm not going against that crowd at all.
That is what, yeah. It almost doesn't even sting that we lost. It's like the team won 68 games.
They won 18 more games than us in the regular season.
Yeah, I'm just going to say OKC. I don't know what... I don't know how long that series is going to go.
I just would be shocked if... I mean, they're... I don't know.
Yeah.
I might put a million dollars on the Thunder.
welcome back happy 94 we're back um we're we're we're in la we're safe crazy yeah we are safe fire's going on um it seems like we're we're it seems like we're getting this bitch contained i would say yeah i think that's the the scientific phrase i think is what i saw in the news getting that bitch contained yep i think it was it was we're getting this bitch under control I saw that on the news.
And then the Cs would just be like a – they'd be like a 44 regular season win team. They would. Yeah. They would. That's your pick. Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah. I'm the coach. I think we're worse. No, it's fine.
Around there, yeah.
i think we're we're a lot worse like 34 went like no it can't be that little but like i guess it's like also with like practices and stuff yeah we don't we just but let's say like they respect me as the coach like it's just like i'm coached on me well the thing in that in that case like you just got to go to google and like look up plays yeah and then you got to learn how to teach them they call a lot of plays because they call plays they do out of bounds shit but we know basketball we know ball but like we also don't like
Because we obviously don't watch the news. They are doing a good job, man. And they also, they, you know what they did? They made an adjustment. They started going, no ads. Cause in the beginning I was like really trying to, I was like, like it was right when I landed, I'm like trying to figure out like, do I have to leave? Do I sleep here? And then boom, manscaped dad.
We're not ingrained into like, I'm just going to take Yoke out of the game. Yoke could play 48 minutes.
You know what I'm saying? I'm not just going to take him out ever because nobody on the bench is better. Sometimes maybe I would sub out a couple guys if I'm like, you know what, maybe Julian Strother can get me a bucket right now. Or maybe Russell could do something for me right now. Yoke could probably play. I'd play MPJ all 48 minutes. Definitely.
Whatever it is, it's a significantly less amount than we won this year.
No, I could be a very good soccer coach.
There is no coaching. There is no coaching. I also just believe that like, especially when you're a youth player or like a... That's the sport that we actually know. Yeah, and it's just like, but if you're like coaching a youth team, it's like if the kids on your team are good, your team's going to be good. Definitely.
The coach, you're not going to go like X's and O's and be like a brilliant like Pep Guardiola. Well, there's just not. You're not play calling.
Yeah, I think so, probably, but also— Dude, he did all that shit in his rookie year. That's got to be one of the best rookie years. No, I think he was like 23 or something when he won the MVP, but he— Wasn't it his second year? It was early. I think it was his first or second year. He was the youngest MVP. I think it was—then maybe it was his second year.
But they still would not have won rings, in my opinion. I don't know. I'm just saying he would have been one of the guys. He definitely would have been one of the greats. He was so good. But LeBron, he was still just in the East. Yeah, he actually wouldn't have beat LeBron. They had to go through the Heat.
Yeah, I don't think they ever got prime D. Rose. But, like, if they did, it's like I would honestly take Bron and D. Wade in their prime. I'm just looking at his stats, yeah. What was he, good?
It seemed like he was way better than that. And that's what I thought, but 17, 21, 25, 22, and then 16, 17, 16, 18. He actually had some good years after he got hurt, low-key. He was good like two years ago. Yeah, because he's still really good. He's just hurt. Still D. Rose, yeah. I mean, you had to say that.
And I'm like, dude, I got to know. Right. wait no ads what just on the program on TV yeah but I think in the beginning it was normal TV where they're just like they're like telling you they're like oh now we're gonna cut to a commercial and I'm like am I gonna die yeah in a pit of fire right now yeah yeah Um, yeah, but on the way in, that was the scariest moment of my life.
Are you snaking? Did I just snake or I didn't snake?
You did. So you go four, five, and then I go five. I think I just need five. Wait. I don't know. I'm lost. You did your first pick.
Okay, so I need two. Yeah, you need two. I guess now that I'm looking at it, it's a lot of NBA. What if CP doesn't get injured against the Warriors?
But it's like that changes everything. You know how much differently we look at Chris Paul if he has a ring? And he beat one of the best teams ever. And it's like he did it, man. He did it.
Yeah. I think that was before they got KD. No. Wait. I mean, I like... That was after they got KD too. What the fuck? I like Steph having all the rings he has.
I kind of wish CP won. I just am like, what if that happens? Like, dude, we look at Harden so differently.
That's so like... James Harden is so in the box of really good, but not a winner. I know, but it's like... That also makes me look at the NBA sometimes, or just sports, and I'm like, sometimes it's just not fully in their control. True, true. Is Harden not a winner, or did Chris... He had nothing to do with Chris Paul getting injured. That's true.
And that's where KD is like, hey, I went to a team and we won twice. Yeah, not only did they win twice, he was the best player on the team. And it's like he could have gone and they could... Kyrie, him, and James Harden were on a team. They didn't win. Exactly. And... One year, KD and Klay get injured, and they don't win. So it's like you see how – because it's not guaranteed.
It's not his fault that he's really good. Yeah, you've got to put it together. That is a good one, though. That's a classic. That was a crazy – I remember that. And then I've got –
what if jeremy grant stays with the nuggets i know it's niche i know it's it's nuggets related yeah but if if jeremy grant stays with the nuggets right stay with me here yeah you have a this is a sore spot for you you know the first time we ever filmed for bread basket we talked about this okay i was talking about it up i was talking about i don't even want to put that up because it was a little bit too mean but you got to think at that that was the first time i had ever filmed anything ever in my life yes you were just kind of letting it rip
well you don't think that that like jeremy might see it no so like now it's like i would never just like be like fucking jeremy because you might you probably would you like could yeah yeah yeah if i'm like if i'm really letting it rip on jeremy and it's not like that it's just frustrating it's frustrating because if you think about it Jeremy stays. Okay.
He's AG and him are like, they're very comparable. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. Continue. Instead of AG, right? Yeah. We're going to trade. I think it was Gary Harris and RJ Hampton. Right. Who was really valuable at the time and like whatever else thing, maybe we gave him like a pick or something and we're going to get another amazing piece. That's true. Okay. Then we're also going to have Bruce KCP.
But it's going to be so much easier to develop these guys when we have Jeremy and an AG-level player.
Same amount of bread to go to the Detroit Pistons.
That flight was the scariest, probably the scariest moment of my life. Yeah. Probably shouldn't have been flying. Yeah. We were flying. It felt like we were a hundred feet above the fire. We were flying in the prime of the fire and we were looking out the window. I got a pic.
Because he— You wanted to play more and be like a star? Well, I mean, you—I think— Like, he scored 25 a game and then got a bigger deal the next deal.
But you also got to think, AG got a max deal just because he was a championship player. He would have gotten the max deal and had three rings. I guess it depends on which way you want to go. God, I'm upset. Yeah. I'm still hurt by that. I know you are, man. I know you are. It's just like, what the f***, man? It's all right, man. It's like... You know what, though? I don't think people understand.
But I just think maybe he has family in Detroit. You know what I mean? No. Because I think you take it personally.
He did do it to me. No, he didn't. He did it to me. But that's where I lose. I don't think so, man. Dude, think about it. If it was $61 million instead of $60 million, I would have been like, okay.
That is a million dollars. Yeah. You take more money.
The same amount of money. But you said he did $25 a game for the Pistons? Yeah. And then he got a bigger deal? And then I think he got like $80. But dude, A.G. So he did it kind of right money-wise.
I know, but you can't just count on winning a chip maybe if you're him. Maybe it's the odds of... But did he not? Had he never seen Nicole Jokic play? I don't know.
You've got to look at that and be like, oh, this guy's the greatest player of all time. And I just want to play with this guy. F***, man. Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know.
That's honorable mention, though. And also, would Carmelo Anthony now be the greatest player in the league? It's very interesting.
You've got to find somebody. That's true. You've got to find a guy. So what if he played football? If I trained MMA from birth, how would that pan out? Good, I think. You think I'd be in the UFC? Yeah. Maybe, yeah. You mean you're athletic?
Oh, well, you know what? But let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Do I have, do I have, do I have resources? Do I, do I get like a producer? You can have Parker, my guy, really good. And like he, is he, he cooks beats and like.
But you're not like entire, like if pop sings, it's like, you're like, oh my God. I'll say this. I do not have the lyrics. It just, they don't exist in my head. But you're more, you could just be melodic. Exactly. I could do, I could make, I could maybe make just like something that sounds good. Yeah. So you think you'd make a decent album? I think I could make some good stuff. Yeah. I really do.
Yeah. I wonder what the context would be. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. Yeah. I think it'd just be like, dude, by the way, I think it's impressive. I think it's almost harder for the rappers that rap about the same thing to rap about that in a different way every single song than it is to rap about actual substance. That is true because you're saying the same shit and you have to reword it. Gunna has dropped 300 songs saying the same exact thing.
That actually is true. Lil Baby too. And it's, but yeah, but little baby, it's like, it's kind of like not working as well anymore.
Gunna, it's getting better and better and better. And he's saying the same thing. He is. So hats off.
Yep. Yep. Like, fuck with me. I'll fuck you up. Something like that. Yeah. I've been him. Dude. For, for 10 years, this guy.
Like we did this two years ago.
Yeah.
But you are aware of that. That like the answer literally at one point, I definitely was reading the answer. I already told you I'm aware of that. Okay. So I just want you to know. But I know now. Because you know, I have a chip in my car. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, what? You have a chip on your car? Chip in my car. You have a chip in your car? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Hot chip. Okay. Hot chip.
But it looks like crazy turbulence. The only way to describe it is it looks like you're flying over hell. It did. That actually is what it looked like. That is the only way to describe it. I didn't want to be the guy that's like... like, cause I'm in the aisle. I didn't want to reach all the way over everybody and take a pick. So I got like a blurry one.
Do you actually have it with you? I could wheel it out. Okay. I could wheel it out, Danny. Okay. I could wheel it out. Good. I'm not scared. Some of these you're not going to get. Okay. I think there's also some new ones since last year. You're not going to get it.
Manchester United miss no no soccer teams on here what yeah is that part of it I just helped you out what do you mean is that part of what is that like part is it like American teams no I was gonna say like maybe I'm gonna double check but when I looked at it I think like Madrid was in the 11 okay I mean the Cowboys Yeah, let me double check this. Most valuable sports franchises.
Cowboys earned the one, by the way. Forbes list of most valuable sports teams. Why, by the way? Who are you, Forbes? Yeah, who are you, Forbes? I don't even give them the S. Yes, this is Forbes list.
And like Real Madrid is in the 12th. Is Forbes a bank?
you know i don't know i don't why do you why do you know how much the how much money there's it seems like there is a guy that his last name is forbes and he started forbes which is cool cool good for you man um but yeah cowboys are in the one um and there's no soccer teams the warriors in the two okay wow higher than i thought you're not looking right lakers eight yankees four uh patriots Wow.
Okay, I'm still not. At this point, I'm not worried. I'm just trying to take my time here. There probably isn't going to be another baseball team. I don't think. You said the Yankees were in the four? They're in the four, yeah. I'm going to try the Dodgers then. Miss. I knew it wasn't going to be the Dodgers. What am I doing? We're down to one left. What am I doing? You know what?
Okay. I'm really, Danny.
The three is shocking to me. I'm really, really tempted to say the New York Knicks. Do you want to say the Knicks? Look me in my eye. I don't want to. Look me in my eyeball. Do you want to say the Knicks? Should I? Yes. Yes, Knicks. Knicks are in the five. Wow. I thought that was going to be like.
Dude, I've been watching Surviving Barstool, and I thought that was going to be like a. Just a cold-hearted stab in the back. I was thinking about it. Four football teams. Four more football teams? Yeah. Okay. Let's just think about it. You won't get it.
I mean, are the Chiefs just going to be in there right now? Are we really doing that? Are we really doing the New York Giants? Seven. Yeah. I mean, it just seems to be when your team is good. you're raising value. That would make sense. I also like, Danny, I like Allegiant Stadium a lot. I like the Raiders. You want the Raiders? I think it's a sick stadium. It feels like that alone is worth a lot.
We could pop that up or we can just pop up other ones that people are taking, but it was like insane, dude. Yeah. And, and we were just flying.
Chiefs. That'll do it. It wasn't the Raiders either. The LA Rams were in the three. Wow. Do you think SoFi is included in that? It must be something with SoFi. We got to get Forbes on the pod, man. He knows. We should get Forbes. Then we had Jets in the nine. Niners in the ten. I was going to guess the Niners. Fuck, man. Good game. Good game. Good game. Let's see. I got a couple quick newsies.
Oh, yeah. News me. We got TikTok. Are we getting banned? Maybe. Maybe. Unclear. I still don't think so.
It's basically, it seems like... Trump, I think, gets in office on the 20th, and he wants it to not happen, but it's supposed to happen on the 19th. So it seems like what I think will happen is they'll put it on hold. I think so, too. I would be shocked, but it might get banned, and if it does, that sucks. If it does, it sucks, but message for the content creators, it's a...
It sucks in the short term. I know what you're going to say. It blows in the short term. Don't get me, don't get it twisted. I don't want it to happen. I don't either. Long term, it is a good thing. I agree. Because it's a moment where it's like- It's an attention grab moment. Exactly. You have, what is it? 180 million Americans that use TikTok. And let's say they use it for one hour a day.
That's 180 million hours of attention that is just in the air. And you could just grab, like, I don't know what it's going to be.
this is like the influencer version of if that were to happen there's blood in the streets like people don't know where to go and it's like you just you get early on something yeah where you just grab all the attention so we'll see but um i do really hope it doesn't happen still it would suck i really hope it doesn't i don't think it will i think it'll just get delayed and it seems like i think trump said he doesn't want to ban it kind of when he was talking about it yeah doesn't just feel it doesn't it feel like just that's it doesn't feel like it's allowed
Yeah, well, that was the thing.
And he, by the way, got a standing ovation. He got a standing ovation when we landed. We all clapped. Everybody was freaking out on the plane, collectively. Even though nobody was saying anything. I know, but some people... The lady next to me was freaking out, but she wasn't showing it. The guy next to me was playing Candy Crush. Dude, that's the way to do it, probably.
It's just crazy. It just feels like I don't know anything, by the way. I don't know shit, but it feels like.
they're just getting a lot of money from like i would assume like facebook yeah or like meta or whatever because if if it gets banned it meta is going to go crazy because everybody goes i don't that's what it feels like to me oh so like meta is trying to because the rule the reason that they're banning it it makes no sense the security thing it's like because like everything's the same on is it the security issues are the same on like instagram
I think that there's, I don't even think they're saying like, I don't think they're saying like security shit though. They're like saying the reason is because like, I thought they were saying it's data.
I don't know. I don't even know what's going on.
Um, what else?
That was just like, it's funny to see like rappers just like in like the influencer world. Like Favio Foran is doing like a story time. I know, it is funny. It's like, it's so like, it's so not you, you know? TJ doing the same thing, yeah. He did, I really opened up my TikTok and saw a part two of a Favio Foran story time.
That is just not.
Yeah, it's like, what the fuck?
He also was doing a story time of some shit that was on stream.
Like, we saw it. He was just telling the story again? I didn't watch it.
yeah well he's just like he just what did he say was he like it oh didn't he say like uh i wanted to leave before like we got like he's just like he's like you don't you didn't see it because like you probably didn't see it on the clips but then and then he just said something that i saw on clips what like but he told us to he's like he's like he told tj like his stream was his favorite of all time it's like dude we saw that man yeah we did see that i saw that part yeah um so you didn't really you know yeah didn't say much there i don't have any other news do you have any other news
Jello Ball is just... Oh, yeah. Great song, man. Nice song. I really hope that he's just like a huge rapper. That would be awesome. Imagine if he just launches like he's in the top five in five years. Why not? His music's good.
And then all of a sudden, Zo is the worst Ball Brother. Which is crazy. You never saw that coming.
He was the one seed for a while. But it is crazy. Yeah, it's wild.
The new one sounds even better. The new one sounds great. Dude, the song is, is just not like no catch good. Oh, it is good. Like, I don't know. I think people were like, how are, in what way are we saying this is good?
All, all, all. If it comes on in the car, I'm leaving it on. Me too. I enjoy it. And we were like hooping.
I was like, this is such a good shoot around song. It was awesome. It's perfect. Yeah, it's a great song. Dude, but also you got to think there's 15 year olds out there, maybe a little younger. Yeah. This is their introduction to Jell-O. They know G3 Jell-O. Yeah, that is true.
But he seemed like he was hanging out. I don't know, dude. It was really scary. I was saying prayers.
Yeah. Dude, I would love for him to just be the fucking.
Dude, it'll be like the best set.
He's got to bring LeVar out. Yeah, let's definitely do a Madlib.
All right, let's go Madlib here. LeVar's top. I want to say top five most entertaining humans in the world.
he's awesome he's also like when he's in his bag he's also like right about his sons being great well i don't really understand that we got a real but we got a really really fucking good hooper we got lonzo's kind of could still be good how did you know mellow was going to be i don't i don't best when he was fucking 15 maybe he just watched him when they were like five and you could like see he really yeah he was right he was right
Dude, I know. I was also on the... I knew it was about to get crazy because they said we're about to get nuts in here.
Yeah, but we were putting points on the board in the containment category. That's what I'm saying. I think it was like three, but let's start.
What's that? I don't know. I'm not the guy to ask. Pen. Adjective is fine.
Describer, right? Yeah, orange. Okay. Adjective. Let's do... Smelly. Smelly? Smelly. With an S-H. Smelly. Smelly. Adjective. Let's do stinky. Stinky. Yeah. S-H-T-I-N-K. S-H-C-H. I just did S-H. But I'll pronounce it right. Adverb. Stinky. That's kind of what I wanted it. Adverb. I'm going to scribble it out and fix it. Stinky.
Oh, by the way, I was kind of joking when saying these Mad Libs weren't getting to their destination. Like one of these sticks is from like New York and I enveloped it and he said he doesn't have it.
I want to find it. Oh, I saw that. It's hilarious. It was Garrett. And Garrett, listen, I do apologize. I swear to God, I sent it to you. He said, fellas, I'm not 100% sure the lib was sent to me. But if it was, it's yet to arrive. I've been awake for 127 hours straight waiting upon the arrival of the mailman.
And as that happened, I was like, you know what? I'm just going to enjoy myself. I'm going to listen to some music. There's nothing I could do at this point.
um so that you know that i feel like that maybe you could go to bed i like get some we'll get some shut eye get some shut eye and then harass the mailman um but i think you you need to prioritize sleep at this hour for this time um i meet him at the door every single day i pace back and forth upon my porch yearning to gaze upon my game ward mad lib where is this mad lib lost in the void perhaps but who knows i cannot rest my eyes until i get to the bottom of this mad lib mystery
Yeah, I get it. I hate what we're doing to this young fella, man. Yeah, I don't like putting... We sent it out. Yeah, we did. And I hate really putting him through it. You know what, Garrett? We're going to send you another one. We'll send you a new one. But I would say just don't put like that type of pressure on it. Like sometimes... But Danny, you don't know Garrett.
I mean, Garrett's going to... Yeah, he is.
I just want to get in this fucking... You can tell Garrett this all you want, man. Yeah, he's... Garrett's going to... This is who he is, man.
It's just Garrett. He wears his heart on his sleeve. Yeah, he does. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, I hope this one gets to you.
And if you want one, we've still got Stinky Pinky Moist Breasts in the DMs.
And then right first bump, the plan went out the window.
The DM is stinky. Pinky. Pink. I think it's just stinky, pink, moist breasts. Yeah. Breastises. So just like standard DM.
Normal shit. All right. Adverb. What's an adverb? Adds to an action. Adds to a verb. Quickly. So Lee. You got to add Lee to a verb. Kind of, yeah. Let's do aggressively. I think I like that. That's one, that's an adverb that I've found that I go to a lot. Yeah. It's a pattern. Adjective into it now. Whoa.
So that'll be like, like stinky shit or stinky.
Stinky, stinky boobs. Stinky boobs? Yeah. Okay. Noun. It's rare that they let you do it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome of them. You usually do stinky and then they put... Yeah.
Noun. Noun. Let's do the butt. The butt. Yeah. The butt. Buttocks or just butt? Butt. Okay. Butt. Adjective. What's that? Oh, that's like orange. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do, let's do high pitched. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. I'm proud of that one. I'm proud of that one.
Okay. Adjective again. Adjective. Bouncy. Bouncy. Yeah. Bouncy. I like that. Okay. We get to do another adjective noun combo. Adjective noun. Let's do, let's do big tits. Big tits. Is that good? Did you get that? Yeah, big tits. Big tits. Okay, and then noun. Noun. Let's do binky.
Is that like, could I do like your mom's crib? Your mom's crib? Or is that like, that doesn't work?
Yeah. Because that is a geographical location.
Stupid. That's stupid. Stupid. Stupid? Stupid. So I have S-T-U-P-I-T.
I mean, I think it works more with like S-T-O. Okay. We'll do stupid. Adjective. Adjective. Lefty. Does that? Yeah, that works.
We play a part. The minute you decide that you're scared, it's everything goes out the window. It's like, you got to play, you have a plan until you get punched in the face.
Okay, lefty. Okay, adjective. The lefty person. Yeah. Adjective. Adjective. Waxy. Waxy.
We don't have any, so. Danny, I guess. Okay. Danny. Danny, I guess. Danny, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, I think he's a UFC fighter. Danny, I guess. Noun. Soon to be champion. Noun. Arm.
Feathery. Feathery. Yeah.
Yikes.
You hate to see it.
And then you're just like, I don't need, I'm, I'm just like, I'm, I'm going to, I'm going to do a full on panic attack.
And when last seen was carrying an arm in its mouth. Oh, yikes. A feathery, a feathery reward is offered. Very nice. Very nice. I'm going to sign this off. Zach, sign it. Hopefully it gets to the recipient, man. I just, I, you know, I'm, I do letters. So I feel like I know how to do it. Yeah. It should get out there. And I don't play the blame game, but you know, put the address and sent it out.
yep oh so scary my god that was like asking sarah i was like so like we're probably like through the worst of it right like i was like trying to get like as if she and it's like as if anybody knows she was she was better than me she was freaking out less than me oh man yeah yeah um but that's that hopefully everybody's safe um yeah prayers crazy shit prayers up i would love to help in some way i don't know i don't know i don't know i would say um i think airbnb is doing something
Maybe it was a mailman. Sneaky pink moist breasts if you want one. To be fair, the mailman might have been like, I know what's in this freaking envelope.
Which is fine. You know what I'm saying? Don't steal my shit, mailman. But yeah, that's fine.
Yeah.
What up, Ali?
Good intro. That's like a Times New Roman. Yeah, Zach and Danny, Blind Rank. Yeah. Let us know. You know what I'm saying? Subject. What's that heading? What is that called? Heading? No, no, no. But it used to be like NLE citation. Oh, fucking. What is it? NLE chopper? NLE citation or some shit. Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. I never knew how to do it.
I would get points off every time. Dude, and also, what the fuck? is that we're like what what that am i using seriously that yeah that what does nle chop have why am i doing that what is what am i doing two very good but what does that have to do with my name date classroom and teacher a rapper that makes great music yeah
you very entertaining on stream a lot younger than you may think by the what does that have to do yeah you're still really young he's like 21 but let's see that i see that i want to fuck me too yeah i think that song's great it is a good song yeah i think it's a great freaking message so what am i doing on my essay with that did he say that you're supposed to put it in the top maybe maybe we i haven't seen it i think it's top right dude yeah
LeBron's career. One. Yep. As far as careers go, there's nobody. Nobody has done their career better than him. Best sports career ever. Sports career, dude. Is there an accountant that's been better than Bron? One. No. There's one. Yeah, close, but he's not better. I'm talking about Ty. I know Ty.
I mean, it wasn't like, listen, I think he was- He sent in questions. He was present. He was a good pro. He was a good pro. MJ's career. Two. Okay. So we have three- He had a nice little career on him. I'm not going to lie.
And what's cool with him, he did the six for six thing. That's very cool. That's got to be real satisfying. That's what I'm saying. Efficiency was there. He did what he had to do. You know what's interesting is he went six for six, but then like- when he didn't go there, you could count that as a loss. It's just a worse season than when LeBron went.
It's like LeBron gets punished for going to the finals all the time. I agree with that. We have Jokic's career next. He'll go three. Three. But listen, when it's all said and done, he's getting there.
It's been a lot better, I'll tell you that.
Who was on that team? I don't know, but you know what? They seemed like a cool, close-knit group.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll see if he's asking for too much. We'll see. So was that a way of him getting a two-year deal? That's what I'm saying. I don't know. Because we're just starting 25 here, DT.
That was like prime Charlie Blackman. Don't do that. You know what, Danny? I'm sold with the Tula thing. And I know that he's using tactics on us. They say don't.
He spelled it wrong, by the way. Did an S instead of a Z. That makes me like it even more. That's something I would do as well. Troy Tulewitzki.
He went to the BJ's. But he wasn't as good as like. He was probably. He was decent. One time I met him in the mall. Yeah, he was doing a mall like photos, right? Which is, it was awesome. I was like, hey, Tulo. Yeah.
I was really nervous, really scared. What did Tulo say to you? He was probably, what's up, buddy? I was like six. You want to get a pic, bud? Oh, it was awesome, dude. It was awesome. Awesome.
is the fastest human to ever live. You can drop it right there.
yeah i just think i think we don't want to let him we don't want to let him walk that's true we don't want to let him walk so i think it's who needs who more exactly and we might really need him well we do and and i think it's a it's a big it's a big conversation i'm i'm comfortable with doing one year 100 mil just just to like save us some time 75 we'll talk you know what we'll talk we'll talk we'll talk yeah we'll talk we want you here we do we want you we do all right we got jakey
Yeah.
You're not seeing those numbers. One of the others I think was 11. Wow. And then that San Diego one came in. They just knocked it right out. Yeah, San Diego. Hollywood, they knocked right out. Knocked that guy right out.
But then at the same time, you know what? To play Jakey advocate here, you couldn't just shovel sugar in your mouth. That's true. That's true. And I'm just playing Jakey's advocate. That's true. Right? Because you could shovel honey in your meat hole.
Yeah, but that's that. Wild times. I mean, I don't even know if it's out, though. Let's hope that it gets out by the time this episode comes out. It seems like we're starting to flip it. It seems like we're starting to do a good job. It's just crazy because the wind is just... You don't know where the wind's going to fucking push it.
Maybe stench. Jakey. Farts are funny. Farts are funny, Jakey. Well, I think Jakey needs to see his doctor. Yeah, if he's farting and then he's in pain, yeah. Are you shitting, Jakey? It shouldn't hurt, man. I think I could see a world where if every time you fart, you're just shitting, maybe it would hurt because you're shitting and then you got... No, you know what wouldn't hurt?
It would be discomfort. It would be, yeah, discomfort. And probably like mental pain.
I think Jake is either pooping or he needs to see a doctor immediately.
Very stinky. I agree. Pops opened him on a plane. I know, but that, by the way, though, that's like saying like...
well farts yeah like the only thing about farts is they smell it's like no no farts are smelly you know what i'm saying like farts are yes it's a it's it's it's 90 of fart right right right yes that's 90 of meat stick okay they smell meat sticks are good i love meat six i would never eat them on a plane i would never even in public meat sticks are good they're good protein i'm just saying it's like it's it's not like a little thing it's not like a you know what i'm saying like oh like i love i love lebron but he's not a great free throw shooter
No, it is like that. No, it's not. No, it's a big... You don't get meat sticks and that's okay.
It's so much... But it's so much of the meat stick is the stench when you open it up.
Yeah. Am I missing something? I kind of want to know the Amazon rainforest.
I think there's like jaguars and shit. So probably not the best.
If not... So we got to just sit in the outhouse? Yeah.
Yeah, you got to. But I also think maybe if you're sitting in a shitted up outhouse, you might be getting something.
But the first winds... Dude, when we landed, those winds were... I've never experienced anything like that. Yeah, it was unbelievable. It was like what the... My lid, I lost it. You know, did I tell you that? I lost a lid. Was it like a 4th of July vibes? Flew right off your head? Well, it was just like I got out of the taxi and my lid like flew off my top. Same thing happened to me.
By the way, what's up with porter potties? What about them? It feels like it goes deep into the ground, but they're... Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. If you look down the porta potty, it goes deep. Unless I'm just making that up. You're not making that up. It goes really deep, but then it's just a, it's just a box. Are they dug into the fucking ground? No, because they're portable potties. That is crazy.
Maybe it's just, it's a depth thing. It's gotta be just a depth perception. It does look like it goes, it looks like you could dive in there. It does. It looks like you would get lost in there. That is a very interesting thing. I guess it's just the depth. I'm really glad that that was your reaction. No, it's because I do think that. It looks like they go way down. It does.
It even feels like if you pee, it's going way in there. Right. I don't know what that is. Yeah. This one's from Ryan Schultz. Just a simple one. Now that we're in 2025, what are your New Year's resolutions?
red illusions or resolutions uh bread illusion so i think it's just really resolutions but bread illusions bread in there um you got one i mean i got like boring ones of like fucking like working out and stuff but i'm trying to think of like a fun one you got anything fun i'm in the coffee i'm in the coffee game okay see that's fun it's fun and it's it's so you're quitting energy drinks i haven't had one wow i'm just i the problem is i just go to starbucks every day
um and that's pricey and more pricey more time more yeah yeah yeah a lot uh you're gonna try to you're getting like a frother and shit right so you're gonna try to work into it i'm doing a bit of a frother situation i am um but we'll see how it goes okay i'll keep i'll keep the i'll keep the breadsticks in the loop on this one i'm gonna read a book a month wow what's book one uh the one that matt got me that how to make three mil and a couple more three bill and a couple more that's a good that's but also yeah dude and i'm gonna do audible
But doesn't it, for some reason... It's kind of like listening to a pod. It is just listening to a pod. It kind of is, but it's just an informative pod. I guess, yeah. Dude, because think about it. Even if you had a business guy on the pod, they're not... They're just off the top.
If you're reading a book and they're reading it to you, they thought about these words.
There always is. That's fine, though.
That sounds really fun, though.
I did. You got the invite from Breadword? You didn't? I didn't. No, neither did I. I didn't. Okay. I wasn't supposed to tell you that.
Did you go? I went for like a, I just showed face and it wasn't that. It wasn't, you didn't.
F*** you. No, I didn't. No, I was worried that this was going to happen.
By the way, that's a resolution for me. I want to go to three bread parties. I know, but the last time you went to the bread palace, what happened? I got in a fight with sourdough. And sourdough was sour news. Okay, I get it. I mean, it seems really awkward for me. Yeah, I know. Okay. For bread words. But what about what he was saying to me? For rolls. Yeah, I get it.
There were a lot of rolls there that saw it. So I just like. And the Fazoli breadstick. I know. Filmed it, posted it. Yeah, yeah. So that just didn't go well. All right.
But I didn't lose it.
The wind, because dude, that's how powerful the wind was. Where did it take the hat? It took it onto the main road. I don't want to say which road it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, I'm not running in there. Yeah, I've had the hat fly off a couple of times. I lost the BB. Oh, that sucks.
It's breadboard. It's so much drama at all times. I think you just got to chill out with the parties.
The buns and them get pissed. Yeah. I mean, listen, I think we just have to chill out with the party scene. I agree. People, everybody says stuff that they don't mean. Right.
Nothing good happens. Exactly. So I think that would be my advice. Yeah.
a good question dude so we're just shotgunning a beer yeah you probably just knock it out i think you you also you'd also get used to it and you wouldn't like at first you get a headache probably but then it'd probably go away dude i think like not it's not something that i've i've ever done and probably will ever do it's like the pin the hair thing it's like you just i think it would like if i just woke up shotgun a beer i'd be in like a good mood because i kind of like yeah yeah yeah it's going maybe yeah i think it would be just fine
So you would do that.
And then your body would just get used to it.
So like whatever negative it would just kind of. I think six coffees is too many coffees. You're going to be jittery as fuck. All the time.
he does seem like a hockey guy yeah Luca Hockey 11 I wasn't getting it from the name more so the vibe because the name doesn't really more the question yeah would you do it I couldn't do it what do we get how much money 20 mil but you're getting pelted once a day no because it throws your whole day off too and then like if imagine if like the one hits you like here and it's an ice it's an ice it's gonna happen I just think your face is gonna be fucked up because 5% chance you're not necessarily getting hit in the head though oh you're not getting hit in the head any angle anywhere anytime I think then you take it
Yeah, but I have multiple. That's a good hat. Yeah, it's crazy. It seems like the wind is what drives. That's the root of it, I think. I have a theory about wind, and we could get into the draft. I know we're spending a lot of time on local stuff, which, again, it's like if you're in Cleveland listening to this, you probably just have no idea really what it was.
I don't think, I just think like. You hit me in the leg, you hit me anywhere other than the head with a snowball, I'm fine. Yeah, but if we're filming the pod right now and you thought your snowball might be coming in, would you be thinking about pod or just snowball? I think I would wear a helmet. You could do that, yeah. Yeah, just like a hockey helmet.
Yeah, I would just wear a helmet everywhere I go. So you're going to take it? I'm not going to take it. I'm going to take it. I'm going to live like a freaking king other than the helmet thing. Yeah, and the snowball once a day. What if you go out and you're like, hey, can I get a vodka tonic to pelt it in the head? It would be hard to explain.
Yeah, because eventually you're going to want to settle down. Yeah. How does that work? And your kids, how are they going to? It will be hard. It will be a hard conversation. What if when you had kids, they inherit it and they go to elementary school? Again, another tough conversation. Yeah. But I think you have to take the 20 apps. I can't do it. You take 20 apps. Yeah, I have to.
But that'll do it for, what was it, 95?
It's the worst fires in California history. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Wind? What is wind? Is the first question.
What if wind is just ghosts running around?
So what? Outdoors? It's actually, it's creepy. That's what I'm saying. It's like, it's nothing, but it is a force just hitting you. Imagine if a force started hitting you in the face right now. You'd be like, that's so creepy. And maybe these, like, scientist people... These winds were just there like angry ghosts. I think maybe.
And like they had an ex that lived in California and they were just like, we're going to fucking send, we're going to go here, here, here, here. We're going to send the angry guys. Dude, maybe. Cause wind is, somebody explain wind in the comments.
Yeah, I mean, it's been wild. I feel like if you're not in LA, you don't. I talked to Abby before this.
Yeah, I actually would love, if anybody is a scientist, you can come on the podcast and explain wind to us. And I would love to sit down.
I was always under the assumption that thunder is just the sound of the lightning hitting something. Is that wrong? That seems wrong. Can't be.
Because I was always just like it hit the ground, made a crazy noise. And then that's like the house getting hit. And then not that. But think about thunder's almost wind vibes to me. What is that, dude? What is that? I don't know.
It's loud percussion or something. Because lightning, you could do like an electronic friction. Maybe he's on bass or something. I don't know. Maybe, dude. I'm just trying to give you something. Yeah, it sounds like a pretty good explanation. Okay, but the draft today is going to be draft of what ifs. Could be sports. What ifs could be anything, really. Yep.
I actually got the idea for the what if draft from the Bob Dylan movie. Oh. Because I was just like, what if Bob Dylan just never met the Guthrie guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's just always what ifs. A lot of what ifs, yeah. And then he would have just been a normal guy from Minnesota. That is crazy.
That happens for everybody, though.
What if, like, I go back to your ACL injury. Exactly. That led to this. Led to this. Like, you don't hurt your ACL. It's really my favorite thing to think about.
Dude, it is like the craziest thing I've ever lived through. Maybe because I'm in that bitch. No, but it's insane.
You start. I'll start. Yeah. I don't think we're really going to overlap here. I got like a Nuggets one and like some Hoops ones. I hope you don't take them because I'm kind of thin.
So then I'm going to start with just a classic. I don't even think I was alive for it. But what if Drew Bledsoe doesn't get injured? So Drew Bledsoe.
I don't, again, like don't really have context because I don't think I was alive at this time.
I think he was just like a top five quarterback in the league. And then what happened? Terrence Daciel or goes down with a bad injury. Tom Brady, the backup fucking eighth rounder or whatever, comes in, wins the Super Bowl. Crazy. And he's just...
the guy crazy because what was he was like a six round pick or so oh he was a late pick and it's like he wasn't played and then maybe he gets traded and finds a strike but then he doesn't have belichick in that team exactly it's the same thing with brock like brock just like he just got his opportunity and now he's going to be like a max guy but he could have just never got his opportunity and probably would be like out of the league that's crazy yeah or not maybe out of the league but
Brady could have just been that. Because he was such a low pick. Exactly. Dude, QBs are really tough to get right and to know. Dude.
It's insane. And now he is by far the greatest NFL player of all time. Not even close.
That is crazy, dude. Because there's nothing you could do if you're not playing football. And he was just a second string. You also got to think that Patriots team was the perfect team for him to play with. Yeah. Maybe if Bledsoe doesn't get injured for two more years, he comes in and they're in a rebuild.
Yeah, it wouldn't have worked. And he's just not Brady.
Like Yoke.
I think Yoke might have been like if there was only one other second round MVP. Yeah.
But you know what's crazy with the NBA, though, is like, I wanted to do a lot of Braun, like, what ifs, but it's like, no matter where Braun went, no matter what.
Football, dude, if you're not like. Especially quarterback. Yeah. Quarterback, it's like. You could just get f***ed.
Yeah. So we drafted him and traded him for Trey Lyles? Trey Lyles and Tyler Lydon, who once passed me the basketball. That's dope. Almost a core memory. Shout out. I was like 16. Shout out to Tyler. That's awesome. I was like, we were walking by. They were warming up. And I said, Tyler. And he just passed me the ball. And then he dished it back? Yeah.
And it was one of the coolest moments of my life, actually. Probably.
And shout out to the firefighters. Yeah, of course. Shout out to the firefighters. Badass job. Dude, think of going into that shit right now. Fighting against it. And you don't even know. Fire, dude. By the way, I think a wildfire is as scary as it gets. I don't think.
So we would have been like the Warriors, kind of. At the time, you got to think we had Moutier as well. Jamal Murray wasn't Jamal Murray yet. You're like, we're just going to develop him. And we just didn't believe in Donovan like that. Well, yeah, he was the 13th pick. Jamal was the 7th pick. So at the time, again, you're like, I'd rather have Jamal Murray.
I think it might have been something where it's like we had to do it, or I could be making that up. What, like a money thing? Yeah, I don't know. I'm not 100% sure. Trey Liles was okay for a second.
Where is he now? He might be out of the league. I don't know. I feel like he's not really a big piece.
He was a piece to the point where Will got a Trey Liles jersey. So he's a piece. That's what I'm saying. He was like a... He's a part of this team.
Maybe like a CB. Yeah, sure. But a little worse, but like, you know. But like a, yeah. But... I don't have like a... I was trying to think of the guy off the bench.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
Even if it was just like, what if we just went... What if we just drafted Donovan? Yeah. Yeah.
saw who was better right away we would have seen that donovan mitchell's better than jamal murray unfortunately he just is he just is and then we would have just been like okay we're gonna get rid of jamal get maybe a pick and then oh my god everything that's donovan and yoke would be crazy everything would have just oh my god yeah um so there's that snake are we snaking yeah this one i don't know if you have this one but we've talked about this before um if juice just were still alive if he kept it pushing
it's a great one you think he's so you think he's a you've said next Lil Wayne he was next Lil Wayne he was so big but that's not even like crazy to say no he was so big and like a lot of times like posthumous you kind of people are appreciating you so you get a little bigger I don't think it was even that he was huge no he was number one when he died that's insane so you think he'd be next Wayne
I think he... Dude, have you watched the freestyles?
He'll go for 30 minutes. I've never seen anything like that. That is genius. I know. No, he was like... He was chosen. Yeah, he was like the chosen one. Yeah. That one's so sad. Yeah, that sucks. But he... Yeah, I think he would have been running shit. He would have been the biggest. He was what, 23? I think he was 21, 22.
He was young. So was Pop, dude. Pop, same thing, yeah. It sucks. Yeah, it does suck. Yeah, that's definitely a good one. This one, I don't know if it was really directly correlated, but it seems like it was to me. What if Drake never got cast in Degrassi?
So I wouldn't be, I think, cause I feel like when he popped or when he started getting traction, it's like, it was in a time where you can't just get traction. So I feel like he got traction. He was already in the entertainment door.
It was like, you are at least are going to sell, like you're, you're going to at least have some eyeballs on your shit.
There's no defense. And it's just like, it's so mean.
It's in a time when you can't just get anything anywhere. So it was like that kind of got him the first thousand eyeballs. That's true. Those people were like, Oh yeah, this guy's good. And then they tell everybody.
i dude i agree i think especially that time everything's important yeah like he had to get signed you have you had to get signed that's it yeah there's no he also had that you remember that like when he was going like it's all a blur yeah like the announcement thing was like he said like he ripped a bong went to a grassy audition and he he thinks he's dreaming still yeah yeah that shit's crazy it's like it's just all blur since then it's like dude it
It's crazy. Just become huge. Yeah, that's a good one. I bet he still would have been Drake, but you just never know, man. You really never know. Actually, dude, maybe not. I think so many things went right. So many things went right. Especially in that era. Especially like the, what if could have even been like, what if Wayne was just like, I'm not going to just take some kid from Canada.
It's really rude, really vicious.
You're just going to burn all your shit. And you can't stop. There's no defense. There's nothing you could do. Shout out to the firefighters.
A hundred percent. Like Toronto.
He is chosen as well. I'm going to go. What if the Sixers drafted Jason Tatum? That's interesting. Yeah. So when did Tatum go? What pick did he go? Three. And they took Markel Fultz. So it's like, even if you're going to even, but yeah, even if you're taking like a, I think, I think that was the same draft as like De'Aaron Fox and like, I don't know.
yeah but or yeah he's injured i don't know just not yeah but like that team probably runs the east and bead tatum and bead tatum at the time simmons you got to think ben simmons would have been better too dude he was kind of good at one point i know and like they they had so many assets like they had to buy his hairs they had like they had jimmy butler for a year they were a very good basketball team they were such a jj reddick they were just i mean i think they run the east
I mean, scientifically, yeah.
Yoke, I've never seen him play like that in my entire life.
Well, and, and you, and you're getting your money's worth. Let's be honest. Like it's a sweet, but this is, it tastes exactly like a San Peli, but it's check out spin drift, not an ad. Not an ad at all.
Doesn't play hard on defense. I think he's a better rebounder than he's been playing. But, like, dude, that's another weapon. Some of those shots he hit, there's nobody in the league, maybe other than KD, that can hit those shots.
Yeah. Chet, by the way, though, let's get back to Chet. I mean, listen, we still could just lose in six. We could lose in six and the Thunder go on to win the championship. For sure.
And then, yeah. And then Jamal is like the J-Dub.
I just think people, it's crazy how much these guys overreact.
Definitely has it. Okay, so yeah, Celtics in six. And then who's on the other side?
Talk about that dog, man. And then Draymond is a winner as well.
Either way, I think if we advance to the conference finals, we'll probably go home.
Uh, I mean, let's start with Danny. I always like to start with the positives.
Yes. Nikola Jokic looked better as the game went on.
Jamal Murray hit a couple of big shots.
I don't think it wasn't an AG night, but still you got AG hitting a couple shots.
Hold on. And these are the positives.
MPJ took the night. I'm trying to look for other positives. Let me look at the box score here.
So Russ isn't going to be in the positive section today. And that's fine.
Let me just look through the box score so I'm not missing any positives. Our defense was incredible.
It seems like we figured that out.
Okay, so that's it for the positives actually.
Yeah, I get it.
I think if they said it could be 2-2 after four games, you'd be like, I'm in.
100%.
That's why I don't think that they're rattled at all. I think they're fucking exhausted.
Makes sense too.
Also, guess what? If you score eight points in the first quarter, you're probably not going to win the game. Probably not. I don't make the rules. I make some of the rules, but not all of them.
It's not one that I wrote, but you don't win if you score... You typically don't.
They kept saying it's almost a back-to-back, but they play back-to-backs in the regular season.
Well, you're going to be flying around. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Too many minutes, too much intensity, and I think it's absolute dog shit that they have us play at 11 a.m.
And that's... Like, you're not a skilled basketball team.
In the first round, they always have games.
We got them saved up.
Because imagine if you were in that situation, and you're like... You just played your basketball game. And you retired, and you missed shots.
Let's go... I think... You know what the other overwhelming positive is? What? And this is... It's not like a shot at the Thunder, but... They're not... You're not that guy.
Well, no.
Yeah, yeah.
They were – yeah, you know what I'm saying? But, like, their regular season was, like, the same as, like, the prime Bulls, prime Lakers, prime Celtics.
We may just simply run out of gas. We play six players. We don't even play seven players.
A little bit of P. Watt and like... Julien put in five minutes today.
Yeah.
No, he's probably... But I'm just like... Hunter Tyson at this point is just having a blast.
He's on the team.
What else do we have about this game? I don't fully understand... It's interesting. They are forcing... They're just like Russell Westbrook, Christian Brown, P. Watt.
Yeah, and if we just make them game five and six, we win. I don't know. It's such a...
If we lose game five, though, let's just, I pray that we just get killed.
Dude, I mean, if I'm Adelman, I'm kind of like, no, I think he already has the job. But if he did, I would toy with the idea.
I'd be like, I'm going to do some wild and wacky shit.
Also, we can't play that physical because if Yoke fouls out, we're fucked. Game's over.
So I don't know.
But don't be surprised if you see us forfeit game five.
You know what I'm going to do right now?
I'm going to just call ball arena. Let's just see if I can make a call.
Yeah. What number should I look up? Like Nuggets? Just look up Adelman. I'm going to just see. I'm just doing my part, man.
Yeah. Look up David Adelman phone number.
917-624-1180.
Yeah. Well, I don't think that's him. Listen, we'll get back to you guys on if we find some sort of contact. But if they forfeit, thank us.
By the way, this episode is brought to you by Underdog.
Listen, it's the best place to get your picks off, Danny. You're going to go more or less on these players. It's simple. It's nothing that you guys don't know at this point.
The ladders. You're just going to pick three players that you want.
And we don't have to get too much into the Nugget situation. Normally, I would say go take Nikola Jokic and ride him to the top.
It's a weird thing, but I'm going to still rock with the MVP if we're going on based off any game ever. You're going to want to take Nikola Jokic, Aaron Gordon, Jason Tatum. Sure. Jalen Brunson.
And then just the better they do, the better you do.
Yeah.
So it's going to be like a soda and like a candy.
So it's chocolate milk.
Tastes like a bad, like a chocolate milk that went bad. That's how I would describe it.
I think he played timid. I think that drink babied it. That drink didn't want to be here. That drink...
Chocolate milk, but like a little bit... Well, a little bit like... You know what?
It's going to be hard to fill that role.
So if you want to drink Twix milk, it's... I would say don't do it.
Kit Kat is an absolutely ridiculous drink to have.
I think that's the first issue. Let's start there. But Kit Kat is just a crunchy piece of chocolate.
Yeah, yeah.
So what if we tie?
First of all, let me just say being used as somebody's vessel is really powerful stuff.
Great weather we're having.
I think giraffe is more Chet.
Not delicious. Really soft fart there. I mean, listen, it's not that it's not delicious because on a hot summer day, you might be like, this is delicioso.
Yeah, it's just going to hit a little bit less hard than a Gatorade.
Chet's very good. Chet's a very good basketball player.
Yeah, I've done it.
Personally, I do too. I'm going to say not delicious.
What are they? Are they really just like shriveled up grapes?
They're dried grapes.
What does that even mean?
That's what he does. But I just think raisins would be a little bit bigger if they were grapes.
22, maybe.
Microwave?
Maybe lamp. Do not lamp dry my raisins.
When you have trail mix and you have raisins, you just eat them?
I like that. You like dark chocolate? I mean, I would have rather had Go-Gurt up there, but... But over raisins.
We'll get into this later. That's a complete issue that I see on that team.
The minutes. I don't know. I don't know what that's about. Look at that.
Yeah, that's not the Van Vliet I know, man.
And also, what are you talking about, Reid? It's our fish, man. Are you trying to get at Scott?
We'll get into it later.
Because I have real thoughts on that, Danny. I have real pressing issues about that.
Yeah, we'll throw that little vlog in there. We got a minute of Scott's cleaning footage. It's kind of just a fish tank getting cleaned.
Let's get into it.
And it keeps me up at night.
And he's not even an anxious fish, by the way.
Sarah, are you going to catch him, Sarah, or am I catching him?
Because I fuck with Chet. And Chet Homegoat listens to this pod.
Here we go.
He's freaking out.
You want to check out your new digs? All right.
He did. He normally freaks the fuck out, but he didn't.
Right. He's an odd cat. He's doing the syrup fiasco. I think I would like to do it one time. I think it would be an enjoyable. If it was just me and him, I don't think I would enjoy it.
I think you would be... I would just grill him with NBA questions.
And Drake questions. You know Dylan Brooks is dating Drake's girl or something? That's crazy. I don't really know the... Nice for like Dylan, I guess.
It's just like, I don't know.
Wild.
We have, I'm going to put him in the one. I think there's a lot of business stuff you can learn from Tony. Yeah. He's a business.
He's like, I don't know you. I don't know you.
I don't know. I think it's just a workaholic act. Somebody's got to explain that to him.
He's going to win.
Five?
Yeah. I mean, what, are you going to have a high chair on a higher chair on a high chair, Stuart?
It's just, you're so... You're just Little, man.
It wasn't funny.
It wasn't funny.
Yeah, f*** you, Stuart.
Yeah, well, let's celebrate the wins for a second.
I think they need to start having that conversation when there's a team that loses every single game.
Or when I... F*** you. Or when... Yeah, that. That. But also when I wear, like, my Rockies hat in videos and, like, maybe I'll wear it to the gym or I'll wear it around town. Yeah. And then people are like, have you always been a Rockies fan or are you just hopping on the bandwagon?
Yeah, I don't... I just... If the Rockies ever...
Behind the scenes, Grape says some ugly shit about grapefruits.
An awesome brand that everybody wants to get involved with. Yes. You know what I'm saying?
7, 8, 9.
That's the question, I think.
Yeah.
And I think he'll make really good IRL content.
And I'm not just saying that because he's Art Finn.
And as long as he still trains at Schirmer University.
I'll f***ing... Oh, hey, man. Are you kidding me?
That's bullshit. I will f*** you up, man. Oh, my God, man. You know, oh my God.
And then, and then you're just like, you just got, you just got three odd balls on what used to be. On what was.
Honestly, like it was kind of an out there question, but I am kind of with him on that.
Yeah. This comes from Zach and he spells it Z-A-C-H. Nice choice, man. Woodchuck called, said he is thinking about leaking the true amount of wood, Y-W's in parentheses, young Woodchuck's can chuck. How does this affect pianos? Yeah, so that woodchuck is an absolute chuckle nut. He's out of control.
By YW's, young woodchucks.
Plummet.
I get that. Yeah, but I mean, we'll have to see. We'll have to see what he says about how much wood those YWs can chuck. Yeah, we'll see what he says. All right. Last one.
Okay. His complaint is a complaint. I've been dropping some banging questions on YouTube videos, and they've all gotten likes from the channel, but I've yet to get one answer on the pod. Please put more respect on the YouTube questions. You know what that is, really.
They fucking liked it.
Does it?
Also, how do I break the news to my dog who is named Chuckle Nuts?
That because I wrote her as a dependent on my taxes that I now owe 70,000 to the IRS.
If not, we got to steal another one in OKC. Yep. Love y'all.
Polar Bear's not. Polar Bear's married.
You know what I'm saying? Polar Bear's got a couple.
At my shooting guard, I don't really know how we're going to use him yet, but he just feels like a really good scorer, really good slasher. We're going to take the Dolphins.
He's just a good, like he's just a prototypical, like when you think NBA two guard, you think Dolphin. You think somebody's got fins.
In the G League, I think they only have fins.
And then my power forward, I will defend Polar with Panda.
He's been with, I think he was the.
This year he was the assistant coach for the Magic.
And he's an offensive savant.
Yeah, like he's offensive minded.
Yeah, and that's the thing. I don't know if his play style will translate.
And will that do it for the draft?
Yeah, we can do whatever.
Yeah, AG is like an all-star.
I would love to, if we could maybe just hit somebody up, because in between the conference finals and the finals, I mean, we're way ahead of ourselves. I would love to ask Adelman or AG or somebody, how did you go from 29% to 42%?
Russ is playing incredible. We've got to give a round of applause to Russ. Thank you. It's been nothing short of excellent.
I like him. I bet Thunder fans are like, that's my favorite guy.
Not every hoodie.
Yeah.
It's got to be my definitely has to be the most worn bottom half.
Yeah.
Too short.
Yeah.
Don't blatantly lie to me.
It's fun as fuck.
Well, you know why? You can fucking do it.
Oh, hell yeah.
You need to have kids for it, though. You can't just slip and slide.
Yeah. No, that's right. I agree.
SpongeBob rules, man.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Yeah. But if you hate it, man, I'm not doing it.
100%.
Yeah.
It's formulas. Not budgeting for a kid.
Is he dead? Fuck! Chum! No! Chum! No! I'm giving him... Oh, my God. Chum. Hold on. Holy shit. Chum's down. Fuck. Put him back up there. Put him back up there. Yeah, give him CPR. Give him CPR. He's fine. You're going to be fine, Chum. Chum, you're going to be fine. Don't tell me. Don't. He's going to be fine. Chum, stay with me, Chum. Don't tell me. Don't, don't put the, don't, don't, no, no.
He's still looking. He's fine.
Precisely. Yeah.
Yeah.
Really? Yeah.
I do not get it.
Yeah.
And you can't be ass. And be getting paid $50 million a year.
Right. You're still getting bread.
Oh, yeah, we do. I don't want to do it.
No, I don't.
We got a child on the center floor.
We should DM him. I will. No, I will.
Oh, I was there the whole time. Not if you're a Severance fan.
I was on the edge of my Lumen seat.
You looked good, man.
They were quite groovy.
Yeah, high tenor. And he killed.
Yes, I think so.
I don't know.
100%.
No, I don't believe it, man.
That's so rude.
Oh, my God.
We can do used.
Favorite type of chip.
Fucking love Pringles.
I love those things.
How do you feel about Domino's pan?
Really?
What does that mean? I don't know what that means. Is that sexual? No, I don't want to elaborate on it. Is that a physical connection? I don't care to elaborate with what me and my wallet do.
But nobody knows what that means.
Yeah, I don't know. What's going on with your wallet?
Have you seen it?
I don't have anything in there.
I'll shove the bat up their ass and break it off.
That makes more sense.
It does.
It's a blemish. It's a blemish.
I rock with shoes.
Super dope.
I hated baseball tournaments.
I mean, that's where they did a really bad job, though, because it's not even close to the best they could do. They got Anthony Davis, who's more injury prone than Luka.
We're going 80 miles per hour and everybody else is going 80 miles per hour. And if we just like, if we just like swerve a tiny bit, we could die.
But I don't think we're allowed to drive the flying car.
Oh yeah. Yeah. LeBron's flying everywhere.
Yeah. Um, what else do we got here? What else do we got?
47,500.
I think that's fucking hilarious.
It's such a funny... We got to just bet again and I'll just hope I lose.
No.
Yeah, I agree.
But you're like, it's weird that this is like $100 right now.
And then you get all, and then you're just like, you're like, I'm just going to forget.
you know, maybe they could, I don't know.
Um, I'm going to go to the phrase cap. I like that.
Everybody uses cap. I think it just it just happens that you there's a there's a phrase and then after a while it just goes away.
I actually still like YOLO, but it's not cool.
There's a song called On Fleek that I listen to.
On fleek was dope, dude. And it's like crazy that at the time, that was the cool thing to say. That's on fleek. Dabbing. Dude, dabbing was...
I don't think they trade Braun because he has a no trade clause, but they're just kind of like, you could stick around if you want.
Yeah, but I think Cap will probably go away.
Cap is huge.
Maybe Cap honestly might be here to stay. And my final pick, I'll go, I mean, this is just, honestly, we might catch it on the cycle again in 20 years, but baggy jeans.
I know that I'm going to look back on my pants these days and be like, those are... Dude, Matt asked me the other day.
I don't know, but it's so weird. But at the end of the day, you got a 25-year-old who's top five.
I haven't had it ever in any place.
But great job guys. I mean, you got us.
Yeah, it is cool, though, that we're in the triple digits.
What you do is you start just unload the clip on money fights.
There's impossible. It's almost impossible for him to get to the top.
He's got to win out. And then he's going to be 39 when he fights for the belt. Yeah, it's crazy.
Paul Brothers are doing a show. I'm going to watch.
I'm interested in their lives.
They're very entertaining.
Great creators.
But I do think at some point they'll use that show to promote a fight. I agree. That's the prediction. Promote. Yeah. Like they're going to get in a fight and people are going to be like, That episode was weird because it seemed like they actually hate each other.
Agree. Adam Silver says he wants 10 minute quarters.
Yeah.
um cat you remember that movie we watched about the about the uh robot yes and you you like passed like the huberman test or whatever it's not huberman but it's one of those tests i did that that is going on with the kai robot oh really people are failing the what's the thing called where you if you feel for a robot you pat you failed the test whatever whatever that is called like it's called like the people are having feelings for the robot every yeah it's like a controversy people are like you're treating the robot badly it's a robot oh that's interesting
Well, no, like they'll like, they'll like push it and there'll be, and people are like, like, stop treating the robot.
Because it's like you start a podcast and you're like... how many episodes is it going to take for us to get to 100?
Because he was on, he was on like an interview or whatever. I was watching it. First of all, it's hilarious. You got to watch it.
It's just a very intriguing guy to like, like just so it's just a really like interesting, it's like, he's just like a rapper now.
But he said who he looked up to growing up, and then they bleeped the name of the feature, but then the guy was like, yeah, you looked up to him growing up.
Well, okay, one other thing about severance. I thought that, and maybe this is a prediction, I think they maybe are even sending outside heli into the basement. Because, you know what I'm saying? Like, she's got to infiltrate.
Like probably not funny for our teammate that got kicked, but it was.
Yeah, does he go home and have dinner with his family and be like, honey, I kicked a guy today?
I think at some point there needs to be a vote in these games that we can just end the game.
There should be a vote.
The ref should be able to blow his whistle and say, can we all just have a vote? Do we want to keep playing?
There was a couple of times though, where like, like their keeper, like kicked it out and then it was on the other field for a while. So then I get it. You kind of forgot whose ball it is. And then we throw it into it. It's our ball.
And it's like, it was our ball.
It was our ball. You just, you lost the plot on who kicked the ball out.
And now the ref is probably like being gaslit. Like, I don't,
The Cavs are just really good, and the Mavs are just not a great defensive team. Yeah, yeah.
No, I don't know.
The math is fishy, but maybe it's meant to be over there. That is crazy. That's neat. I'm excited. I'm just so excited to see what happens.
I mean, in our lifetime, maybe like Kareem got traded.
I didn't get stopped, but I'm pretty sure I caught all the way up.
Yeah. They got goat. They got goats and shit.
Yeah, was that on episode three?
Well, we don't know, but it seems like they alluded to the fact that they're like coding human beings. Oh. Because on the end of one of the episodes, he put in the numbers into one of the bins and then it cut to his wife being like, I did.
But the bad thing is in five years, you're going to be the worst team in the world.
I mean, I don't think we are.
Oh, that's good.
Severance is very good, man. Severance is good. It's just, I— We got questions that need answers. It's just, it's tough that, like, we're going to be watching this into March.
Yeah, it's small.
I'm going to say two.
And that's, you know.
AI probably should be in the one if we're really being honest.
He was like effective though.
You know what he was kind of like? He's like the poor man's Chris Paul.
I mean, AI should be in the one. If it was AI and Yoke, we win, we win every five championships. Yeah. So yeah, that's what that is. We got this from Fintan Roachboot. What's up, Fintan Roachboot? Would you rather take $1 million, but every time you eat a certain food, you don't know which food it is, you enter an alternate reality with one slight difference.
Depending on the difference, you may not know what you have switched. Or that you even have switched.
Yeah.
100%. That's the risk I'm willing to take.
Yeah.
Right leg.
I wish I had a hoof.
Yeah. Just kind of just stay, stay off it as much as I can.
Okay. There we go. And you're like, what did I eat? What did I eat?
Yeah, I don't want a beak either. But my odds are 1 in 8 billion.
So it's like I'm going to take those odds every day.
Somebody's getting beaked. Hopefully, like, they find their beakman.
Yeah, and hopefully it's not Chipotle or chicken or something.
That'd be a lot of beaks. But that's fine. This one comes from... Smaran Upal. I believe we've answered from Smaran Upal. What's up, Smaran? I was hoping you guys didn't notice. We did. But I took a pod off last month. I was given a fine and a three-pod suspension. Yep. You're welcome. I have been admitted to team-advised therapy. Yep. And I'm looking to be back with a better mindset. Yeah. Good.
With that in mind, I hate Blue Jalen. That's not Blue J. That's Blue Jalen.
You guys, you got one of the best players in the league for the next 10 years.
Yeah. We say, you know what? You don't want to be here. You're not a part of this team anymore. I'm not going to send you to our team therapist.
What? This is not cool from Finn. Finn, and I know you've been here before, and I know you're a veteran asker, and you feel like you can do whatever you want. Oh, I can't. Taking shots at other listeners, I don't think that's elephant. You know elephant listens. And I don't know this is a direct shot. I think he's just making light of elephants or something. I don't get it.
He said, what do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelevant. That's not funny. Well, how the f*** do you think that's going to make elephants feel?
I just don't think Finn's putting himself in their trunk.
I just don't think it's funny to lash out at... You know elephants have a tough time. They have the trunk thing going on. The size.
I think Brad Van Vliet, and it might have been another, I don't know if I, it might have been another stick.
About a P.O. box?
We should open one of those.
Yeah, I don't know. So a P.O. box.
box and we tell everybody about the P.O. box, we can have like one Epi a month. And you can send us letters.
Please don't send us smelly stuff, I would say.
No, remember in COVID, he had so many fish.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
I don't even know how that shit works.
You're an IT guy, Brett VanVleet?
Can we read that again? I think, honestly, this is something that people should take notes on. Take notes, everybody. If you want to send IT messages.
Okay.
That's how it's done, folks.
That's how it's done. That's a good email, man. That's a good email. I love the double thanks. I love the... He's just leaving trails of gratitude.
And you know what I think he's also doing a really good job of? Sonia, we need this done, right? Right, right, right, right. He's not like letting her step all over him.
He said, fellas, better go bowling with my fellas. Just nervous to go because I'm a bowling enthusiast and I don't want to look... And I don't want it to look like it's my only personality. Yeah. But honestly, it is. Should I take it easy and relax or show them who I really am? And then he said, Impractical Jokers are on right now too. So I'm just watching that. That's great.
It is a very much like we're filming this on a Sunday afternoon. It's very like you just like maybe it's on on Sunday afternoon.
Ethan, I get it.
I want you to drink what the fellas are drinking.
I want you to stay in conversation. I do not want you pulling out phrases that the fellas don't know.
I just don't, I don't want to tell him.
You might lose, you might lose it, man. You might lose him. And I'm not going to sit here and lie.
And I'm not proud of it. Danny's a good guy.
Didn't he do like a... Yeah. It was like a big Sally.
Yeah. So that... I mean, listen, Ethan, you do what you got to do, man. I think you stay in the... Definitely stay in the hundreds. Don't put a two in front of me.
Yeah, sure.
100%.
Right. But Danny, here's the thing. I'm not biased. I would say the Kava bowl, really fucking good. Way better than the Qdoba bowl.
Of course, I'm going to eat it. I'm going to enjoy it. I do think the 2 a.m. is going to make it a little bit better.
Yeah. I mean, adverbs, they're confusing. Nobody knows what they are, but you got a lot of words there.
I cannot believe you even tried an olive.
The next time I see you, you're going to be drinking a martini with olives.
Martinis suck. This is from Nate Bedell. He said, boys, just got locked out of my room in a Karl Malone jersey. Awful look. Listen, Nate. That sucks. It's a bad look. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm going to point the finger at him, and I know Nate's not going to like to hear this. Who put the Karl Malone jersey on you?
Mm-hmm. But I think all roads point to Nate putting the Carl Malone jersey on Nate. I think so, too. Now, of course, it could have been a propaganda thing. Somebody could have maybe broke into his room.
So I'm just saying... Maybe prevent this one by not throwing the Carl Malone jersey. I'm just saying. Right. I'm just saying.
No. No. I will not do that.
No.
No. We're not going to do it.
But I like the question. It's a really good question. My answer is, I mean, I don't know if we're counting this.
The answer is esports.
10-year-olds, I think there are 10-year-olds that have won the championship.
But if you spank one at me, you can't... I just think you're going to lose.
Archery.
It would look good.
We've been missing like a... We have like a... You've been saying you need one thing.
I think that or maybe like a... Maybe like one of... Anybody can come over and bounce. I'm not saying you can't bounce, but...
I thought it was going to take about 34 episodes to get to 100.
Is that the year where we won?
Yeah, I mean, but those days are behind us.
Yeah, I got a lot of news.
Yeah, we can't play down.
I mean, I think we might have to.
Quick timeout. T.O.
I mean, listen, this guy, me and this money clip, we've been through it. Are you getting a wallet?
Yeah. So, I mean, listen, this guy, as you know, I lost it recently. It's, it's not the first time I've lost it. I've lost it probably three or four times. Always comes back home though.
We didn't know this guy's like a third freaking brother. This wallet clip is like a third f***ing brother to us.
You know how scared they go out? They probably go out in a dumpster. They get all their cash stripped of them or all their cards.
Let's go into the draft.
Remarkable situation. It's a no-sweat guarantee. By the way, elephant in the room, we are wearing different clothes.
Um, but you either win or you get your money back. So, and, and, and so it, it sounds, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't get it.
You just genuinely insane.
I don't know if we're even like, like there's a potential that we're misunderstanding the deal.
So you literally, you place your butt, your bet.
That is exactly what it is. But it's like the best part of betting is like the upside of winning. The worst part is the downside of losing.
It might be controversial, and especially for an enthusiast such as yourself.
Yeah. Like, I don't want you to come after me or anything, but I think Zinn.
That's too few.
Work, work, work, work, work, work.
Work, work, work, work, work, work.
$500?
108.
Yep.
Yeah, that's my rookie.
I got hit by a pitch, so she hit the other guy.
Yeah, that's cool. It's just it's not in her character to... There she is.
Yeah. I mean, it was, I was just like, I was a little bit shocked, but I was like, you know, you do you.
That's fine.
That's cool. I mean, we all like s'mores, you know?
she talked to you about it yeah she hates it right she yeah yeah yeah you know that she hates she hates it and okay yeah and thank you for you're just she's coming out as a place of love you wouldn't say this if you didn't care i care yeah i give a shit so yeah um yeah just watch out for you know too many meat sticks can be dangerous yeah i don't even have any on me right now i don't think that's a lie i check your sock like yeah nothing he's got one in his left sock so
I probably I don't know burning a lot of gas Messing with the battery battery. I think the battery.
I don't understand that. But, yeah, if you remember back to... It would have been, like, June or maybe May.
I left my Honda on for, like, three months. Uh-huh.
Dude, they got...
They bought it.
Yeah, whatever. All right, that's it.
Statista.
It's guys that I would guess.
He's gifted.
Yeah. Yeah. So that's why he's.
Yeah, he is. He's talented.
Because it's like at the end of the day, it's like I hear one of his songs and I'm like, something in the orange. I know, dude. And I'm like, this is fucking good.
Yeah, it's good. It's good stuff.
Yeah, fuck.
She just gave me the answer.
I won't charge you. So it's not Benson Boone, clearly.
Travis Scott.
Fuck.
Yeah, I would have never got that.
I think he has a lot, Loki.
100%.
Okay. So what, they compete and one wins?
Yeah, similar.
No, it was, like, more of an early night, but we celebrated.
I don't know.
Sounds good.
Definitely. You know, you're definitely thinking of a globetrotter.
Don't trade Michael Porter Jr., though.
That's my one request.
So crazy.
Because you still want to see what he's doing.
Yeah.
I don't know. I think it's a hilarious thing.
And they're not getting the credit. Definitely not. So I'd be upset.
Yeah, that just doesn't work.
I'm really excited for his album. It seems like it's coming soon.
Doesn't he sound like it's a Drake bar song?
I think we should just contact the authorities. And I want to do everything I can for Brad Van Fleet.
Another rookie page.
No, well, that was very intentional.
He said, innocent breadstick and also like a very vocal breadstick.
Nothing.
And it's cool. I will say it's very creative because I think Toad probably gave him access to his cellular.
But I, and, and, and you know what? I, I, my prayers go out for Brad VanVleet, man.
You know, we're sending help.
I like a DT, but just don't fuck that up, man.
Well, I mean, there is going to be voter fatigue, but it's like giving it to LeBron.
No. I mean, the K, like, that's...
We actually didn't give one out.
Exactly. And that's what really matters here. You know what I'm saying?
Like, he's up, he's down, but you know what? At the end of the day, you're going to tune into a Blue Jay cue.
Stinky Bizzle.
I knew he had a lawyer. I didn't know of Stinky Bizzle.
I think he was supposed to be on the Luigi case.
He's not now, but I think he was.
And Stinky Bizzle, man, the farts, I get that it's a brand. Yeah.
Most valuable Danny.
Most valuable Daniel.
For sure. But yeah, that would be my only gripe with Stinky Bizzle.
This is Carson Kimball writing in. He said, hello, dazzling doggy. The story was a picture of Rosie, just to clear that up. Oh, okay. He's not calling one of us a doggy. I don't mind being called a doggy.
Most valuable Dan. No.
No, well, for me, my first response would be... Oh, yeah, get off.
No. Most valuable... Did you do a Danathon this year?
Thank you. Thank you, Rosie. Oh, don't chew the toy.
It's a loud one.
Most valuable day?
Yeah, if you look down, boom.
Yeah.
Hey, Rosie. Yeah, I mean, that's what I would take a bite.
And for the people that, you know, are in the cab race, don't get down on yourself. If you're halfway through the year and you're, you're total zero.
100%.
Yes, of course, you'll see people like, well, my friend Bri does nine a day.
Do you look up to cows like Brian does?
So just be a little bit cognizant of why you're doing it. My cow count is zero though.
No, I'm not being hard on myself at all. I'm not even upset about that at all.
He was busy one week.
And I think the conversation for Saul really is, is it fast food?
I don't know, flew him home.
Well, in 10 to 15 years, everything's going to come out.
Because they're going to run back these tapes of everybody being like, yeah, Toad's a great guy. No, Toad's not a great guy.
I want to stay alive. I want to live.
Whatever. He's going to BVV.
Very much so a kids movie. I think if you saw Despicable Me 4, you wouldn't be saying that.
Really mysterious guy. Nobody really knows what it does. Nobody knows how to use them. Nobody knows what they are.
Because I could have been like, I was just fucking whatever.
One. Plural nouns are the best. Okay.
For sure. You could throw it ugly.
But you could throw it pretty. You could also throw it beautiful.
I like Verb. Verb's a go-getter. I'm going to put him in the two.
I hope John Jones wins. I don't know. That'll do it for, what is it, FB92?
Love you guys.
Yeah, big church. And looking back on that, Father G won MVP of the wedding.
There was just a lot of good characters out there. There was people singing. There was people dancing.
Let me take a timeout. You know what's funny? These cameras won't pick her up because she's so small.
No, that one will. The middle one will. Rosie. So that's Rosie, guys. For the audio listeners, it's a dog, which basically it's like a four-legged thing.
But we're going full year MVLV Rook Confess.
Yeah, no, I agree.
I'll do a mix of both. It'll be kind of BB, primarily BB funds, and then I'll sprinkle a little bit of mine on top.
Present, good. Yeah, and I said, how's your doorknob? And he said his doorknob was sick.
Pairs up for Ryan Witta's doorknob.
I was being a bit dramatic, if I'm going to be honest.
I was sick for about a week, and then I just thought I was never going to get good again. Drama's good.
Okay.
Isn't that a good LV?
And then I also had LVM, least valuable month is February.
And that's brand new. I haven't brought in a brand new meal every day for quite some time. And it's better than chipotle at times, man.
I love you so much, dude.
And in Psalm 51, he says... I love how it's so profound. He's like, man, what the heck?
That was a big one.
And I can't believe this guy doesn't check reviews, doesn't check anything. He goes, he just trusts it, books a hotel, goes. And I would like you to share the experience of how you felt last night checking into your hotel, bro.
You just dropped a bomb on us, and you're like, dude, we got better ones for ourselves.
I don't even... How do you not know that about how it is? Also, if they don't have a lobby and they have a bartender, bounce, dude. It's not a place you should be.
Did you do the bedtime story?
And my mom's like, You don't have a vacation for God.
They wanted me to.
It's delicious.
He does that a lot, by the way, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, I was there, and I was answering questions again.
And I was like, oh, look at him. He's protecting me. No. I found that very, very nice. You're my brothers, my little brothers.
Younger brothers. Now give me a kiss.
No, thanks for sticking up for me yesterday. You bet, brother.
That was sick. That was...
Way to go, my man. Is there any... Oh, sorry, please.
No, old clips. We all caught that one, right? Old clips. No, old clips.
I was like, oui, oui.
It's about creating real lasting change in your life.
It is. And we're so passionate about this work because we've seen firsthand how powerful it can be.
We've seen people transform their relationships, their careers, their entire lives by embracing their let me power.
Absolutely. It's just a matter of tapping into it, finding it and then using it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. It's about empowering ourselves so that we can then empower others.
It's about creating a world where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.
A world where everyone has the freedom to be their authentic selves.
Right. It's a launching pad.
Oh, yeah.
It happens. It's okay. That's all part of the process.
The key is to be kind to ourselves, to learn from our mistakes, and to just keep moving forward one let me at a time.
Yeah.
It's flown by.
So much good stuff.
The brain stuff.
The ones that keep us up at night.
We've covered it all.
What are we taking away from all of this?
It's like saying, OK, I've acknowledged what's out of my control.
We have so much more agency than we often realize.
It's a powerful tool.
What we can control.
Hit me with it.
What a question.
It's about going from surviving to thriving.
But now what can I do?
It's time to step into the driver's seat.
Let it shine bright.
What is within my control?
We do come join us.
All the resources you need.
It's a supportive space.
Let it fly high.
Yeah, no, no.
Oh, yeah, the amygdala's firing.
Right, exactly. That's exactly what it is.
Back in the day. But these days it's a little different.
Oh, my gosh. Yes.
Still going strong.
Yeah.
You can't. I mean, it's almost impossible.
Oh, yeah.
I have.
Well, it was a term coined by Dr. Aditi Niravkar, who's a Harvard-trained physician and researcher.
She's amazing. And essentially, it's that feeling of like your emotional brain is completely taking over.
And rational thinking goes out the window.
You know, it does indirectly.
Oh, this is a good one.
It's not like you say, let me and all of a sudden everything is fine.
But when you shift from passively letting them do their thing to proactively taking action for yourself, It's like sending a signal to your brain to hit the reset button.
It's like, oh, wait a minute. We can actually do something about this. And when that happens, your prefrontal cortex, which is the part of your brain that's responsible for rational thinking, planning, decision making, it can come back online.
It can finally do its job.
Two step.
Yes.
Exactly.
It's a powerful combo.
For taking back your power.
Even when it feels like things are totally out of control.
Power move.
I think it starts with that shift in mindset.
From feeling helpless to recognizing that you actually have some agency here.
You have a choice.
And you can break it down into those two simple steps.
Step one, the familiar, let them.
What are some examples that come to mind for you?
Exactly. Let them ignore your contributions. Let them cancel plans at the last minute.
Yeah.
It's about recognizing you can't control their actions.
It can feel like giving up, but it's not about giving up. It's about being strategic with your energy.
You're choosing not to engage in battles that you can't win.
And that frees up so much energy for step two.
Let me.
This is where the magic happens.
It's about taking all that energy that you saved from letting them do their thing and channeling it into something constructive for you.
So instead of stewing in resentment about those gossipy coworkers, you say, let me document my wins and present them to my boss.
You're shifting the focus from what they're doing to what you're going to do.
Yes, to get you where you want to go.
much better use of energy right it's like taking back control of the narrative exactly it's your story it is you get to decide how it unfolds i love that so what about those uh social media trolls who just love to spread negativity let them lurk in the shadows yes let them stay over there and you say let me post what i want unapologetically let me own my voice don't let them silence you don't give them that power
Right. And speaking of power, what about those energy vampires, you know, those friends or family members who just leave you feeling drained after every interaction?
Yeah. It's like that first breath you take like, OK, I can step back from this for a second.
At least one.
You say, let them go find someone else to drain.
Let me set some clear boundaries.
Prioritize your well-being. You deserve it.
Exactly. Give yourself some space.
Yeah, it's like, how do I actually do that?
And, you know, this is where a simple tool called the five second reset can be really helpful. Ooh.
That's it.
So it's all about interrupting that automatic stress response.
You know, when you feel yourself getting caught up in that let them space and you're feeling overwhelmed or stuck, just start counting down from five, five, four, three, two, two, one.
You've just given your prefrontal cortex a chance to catch up.
Now ask yourself, okay, what is one small thing I can do to shift this situation?
But then what what do you do with that?
What is my, like.
Exactly.
Just a little space to breathe.
It's powerful, and I think to really get the hang of this let them let me framework, let's try it out with a few real life scenarios.
So imagine you're dealing with a micromanaging boss who's constantly hovering.
I know, it's a common one. Take a deep breath.
What's your let them in this situation?
You're already detaching.
Now for the empowering part, what's your let me?
You're anticipating their needs.
And taking control of the communication.
You're not at the mercy of their anxiety anymore.
It's a game changer.
Okay.
That's where people hit a wall.
Yes.
Perfect. You're setting boundaries, prioritizing your peace of mind.
You don't have to engage in every battle.
Sometimes the most powerful let me is simply choosing to step away.
They're like, OK, I've let go, but I still feel terrible.
Yes. You're in the driver's seat.
And, you know, let me doesn't always have to involve a grand gesture. OK. Or a major life change. Sometimes it's about those small but impactful actions that make your day to day life a little bit better.
Exactly. Like imagine you're at the dog park with your furry friend.
Enjoying a beautiful afternoon. It's a good day. And suddenly another dog owner lets their unleashed pet run wild, breaking all the park rules.
Yeah, it's a bummer. So what's your, let them.
That's a great example of how Let Me can be about standing up for what's right, not just for yourself, but for others as well.
You're taking action to create a safer and more enjoyable environment for everyone.
It's a game changer.
Yeah.
We'll be exploring even more real-life applications of Let Them Let Me, and we'll share some inspiring stories of people who've used this framework to create positive change in their lives.
We're back diving deeper into the power of Let Them Plus Let Me.
Ooh, I feel this already.
Yeah, it's about recognizing that we always have a choice.
We can choose to react impulsively and just get totally swept up in the drama.
Or we can take a step back, detach from what we can't control, and really focus that energy on what we can.
Exactly. And it's not about denying our emotions either. Right. It's okay to feel frustrated or hurt when someone wrongs us.
Yeah, that's tough.
Let Them Let Me is not about suppressing our feelings. It's about acknowledging them, processing them, and then choosing how we want to respond.
It's about moving from reaction to thoughtful action.
Oh, yeah.
Such a good question.
It really is.
Yeah. We have so much more power than we realize.
Yes.
It's about alignment.
Aligning our actions with our values and our goals.
I would say start by noticing your let them moments. Just pay attention to when you're feeling frustrated or overwhelmed or stuck in a situation where you feel powerless.
Exactly. So instead of just muttering under your breath, let them have their moment.
Add a let me action.
So you could say, let me document my contributions really clearly so that next time there's no question who deserves the recognition.
Or even better, let me schedule a meeting with my boss to discuss my role on this project and make sure my contributions are acknowledged.
It's like, did I do something?
Exactly. And it doesn't have to be this huge life-altering action. It can be something small but meaningful.
Yeah, like setting a boundary with a friend who's constantly complaining or taking five minutes to meditate when you're feeling overwhelmed.
Am I a bad friend?
Yeah, exactly. Self-care is a form of let me.
Totally.
Oh, yeah.
It's almost drama.
We'll be right back.
All the shoulds start coming out. And that's the thing about let them, it's a great starting point. Like you said, it creates that initial distance, but it doesn't just magically solve the problem or erase the hurt.
Yeah. And nobody wants to be in a box.
But when we practice, we're releasing that need for control.
We're accepting them for who they are, flaws and all of it.
Exactly. And you're giving them the freedom to be themselves. And in turn, you're giving yourself the freedom to be yourself.
Oh, yeah.
That's so common.
That guilt around setting boundaries. It's like we think we have to choose between being a good friend and taking care of ourselves.
Not at all. We can absolutely do both. And in fact, by taking care of ourselves, we're actually going to be equipped to show up for our friends in a way that's healthy and sustainable.
Well, we talked about the importance of self-awareness.
I encouraged her to really tune into her own feelings and notice how she felt after spending time with this friend.
Was she feeling energized and uplifted or was she feeling drained and depleted?
Yes, exactly. And once she had that clarity, she could start setting those boundaries and they didn't have to be these big dramatic pronouncements.
It could be as simple as limiting the amount of time they spent together or politely declining invitations when she was feeling overwhelmed.
Exactly. And, you know, the amazing thing is when we set healthy boundaries, we often inspire others to do the same.
It's like we're modeling self-respect and self-care, which can be so empowering for the people around us.
Yes. And it all starts with that simple but powerful shift from let them to let me.
That's exactly it. And, you know, one of the most beautiful things about this framework is that it's a lifelong journey.
There's always room for growth and evolution.
And that's what makes life so interesting. You know, that constant evolution, the unexpected twists and turns, the messy beauty of it all.
Sounds good.
Well, first and foremost, I would encourage everyone to visit our website, themessypodcast.com. We have a ton of free resources there, including workbooks, guided meditations, a full list of all the amazing books that we cover.
It is a treasure trove of let them let me goodness.
Always something new.
And we have a thriving online community over there as well.
Where people can connect with each other, share their stories, and support each other on their Let Me Journeys.
It is a support group for action takers.
Well, we've created a comprehensive online course that dives even deeper into this framework.
With practical exercises, real life examples and personalized support from me and our amazing team of certified coaches.
And you know what I love most about this course is that it's not just about learning new concepts. It's about putting them into practice.
The containers are very aesthetic, and your kids can also decorate the container.
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why do people in the uk use the term rabbit and headlights because i i was listening to you on a podcast i heard you say that and it was cracking me up i never heard someone say that before abby literally said out loud that's adorable yeah we have a lot of rabbits okay so or less so when they're caught in headlights because often they don't know which way to go oh yeah you have deer right yeah you have deer in london yeah not in london but in the countryside yeah
So that's a common thing is to hit a rabbit with your car.
In the countryside, are you guys eating a lot of rabbit? Because when I was a kid, my dad would always go deer hunting. Really? And that was a big deal. It was like, oh, we got a deer. Yay.
Yes. No, I not to talk about something sad. I don't want to bring on something sad. But like, I think I heard you talk about sadness is a normal human emotion. It's normal human emotion. But I feel for you because you opened up recently about your cancer diagnosis. Yeah. Breast cancer.
And I'm so sorry you're going through that. That was actually where I think I heard you use the term rabbit and headlights.
That must have really put things to the test. I mean, you help a lot of people, but I'm sure now dealing with that, you're like, okay, how do I approach all this on my own? Because you've always been the person to help other people, but now it's almost like you need to help yourself. I guess my question is, tell me more about why you decided to rewrite the part of your new book.
The part about, you know, read this when... When fear shows up. When fear shows up.
Interesting. So the psychologist one is more of the medical side.
See, I already screwed it up. I thought I knew the difference. Yeah, I'm tracking.
Is that, was that your knee jerk reaction when you heard the news? Was your knee jerk just like panic? I don't know what to do. I'm frozen.
which there should be right the emotions normal and natural um well you talk in your book about how emotion correct me if i'm wrong it's like it's like waves right it's like you're you're in the ocean and you feel these waves coming at you and you can either you know roll with the punches and kind of let them do their thing and know that they're coming and move with the wave or or you can try to like brace yourself against it and so how do you do that you know roll with the punches and
Note that the wave is coming and move with the wave, but at the same time still be a predator and not prey. Because in my mind, when I think about being a predator and not prey, I think about being on the attack and being firm and strong. But then... rolling with the punches and letting a wave hit you is almost like the exact opposite of that.
So should someone's therapist be a psychologist? Like, is that recommended?
Did any part of you want to look at your situation and think, why me? Like, why is this happening to me right now? Why can't I be this friend of mine or this person that I saw on social media and everything looks like it's happening, like everything's going right for them. But me right now, I'm just trying to, I don't even know what's going on. I just got diagnosed with cancer.
Did you have any sort of bitterness towards your situation?
Did you get some really unhelpful advice from people too? No. I mean, you don't have to call anybody out, but I mean, like, did anybody say anything you were like, that did not help me out?
I love that. Yesterday we were walking, sorry, I'm just like completely derailing the conversation right now, but we were walking around downtown London and this girl in this, the coolest accent, I'm not going to even try to do it because I'm going to just make myself look like an idiot. But, um, she asked Abby where her parents were like, like asked about her pants and where they were from.
And then she said, brilliant. Or like, I shouldn't have told her.
But you went to Florida on holiday with your kids.
also kind of secure like holding their potential fear and uncertainty with it and um but generally they were brilliant they you know and pretty unfazed by it thank you for sponsoring this portion of today's episode i actually used doc doc two weeks ago i use it quite often yeah i realized i was out of my my adhd medicine and so i set up a doctor's appointment right on the app i got it same day it only took an hour to get seen which was so fast and then i was able to get my refill
What's that like for your husband being married to you? I feel like that must be intimidating.
We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental, primary care to urgent care and more. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, who are located nearby, or who are just a good fit based off your medical need. Plus, ZocDoc appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours.
Like I said, I got in same day within about an hour to have my appointment two weeks ago. So it's really convenient and there's no waiting at the doctor's office, no driving, spending all that time in the car. It's just really convenient.
It's so interesting how you use comparison as a good thing in the situation with your kids, comparing your situation to your son's situation. But I feel like online all the time we hear, stop comparing yourself to other people. Comparison is bad. It's not good. What do you say to that?
Talk about a confidence killer. Yeah. When you could just go online at any given moment of any given day and see someone that's way better than you.
At literally everything that you do.
I like to snowboard.
Do you ever feel... Oh, sorry. Sorry, go on. I was going to say, do you ever feel guilty posting to TikTok as a clinical psychologist?
Yeah. For... Because of how damaging social media can be?
two million people will listen so it's funny how the algorithm figures you out it just it like knows at least from my experience it knows me better than i know myself sometimes because i'll get in this scrolling mode of why the crap am i even doing this right now yeah and then i'll get one of those mental health videos that pop up and it's almost like tiktok saying hey i'm we're here for you.
We care about your mental health for all this. And it's like, no, the second that I was thinking about getting off this app, now you're feeding me like actual helpful, helpful information. You know, it's like, it's the TikTok.
No, no, no. It's a, it's like a creator's video pop up. Like maybe that's why, maybe that's why you've blown up so much as everyone's mental health is so screwed up. And then TikTok's like, oh, let's give them some Dr. Julie Smith videos.
Holy cow.
What is it your husband says to you that makes you think that everything's going to be okay?
And is he good at being, you know, empathetic or, um, observant of you? I noticed you said rather than saying, I am anxious, say the word feeling anxious. Does he ever put words to your feelings and helps you understand that he is seeing you as you are?
That was somebody else's. That wasn't in the door. That was somebody else's.
We were having turbulence and Abby was like gripping my arm like so, so scared.
Would you say like curiosity is one of the best weapons against fear, anxiety, depression? Yeah. It seems like it's all coming back to curiosity in a way.
judgment is almost like something that we all need to be able to do and and do often in our day-to-day life just to survive it almost feels like a something humans have used for thousands of years to live because we can't sit here and mull over the details of everything that's overthinking that's not helpful so judgment is very useful
But then at the same time, it's like it can be very damaging, too.
Maybe even with people close to us in our life, I'm I'm thinking about, you know, maybe marital conflict, like where people get into fights. It's like I think oftentimes one person is judging the other person. Yeah. And if they would have just thought through, oh, they're feeling this way because if we go back. on the timeline, this happened and then this happened.
And, oh, that totally makes sense why they're feeling that way. And if we would have just gone back and looked at all the sequence of events that happened, we can maybe empathize with them.
Well, I don't want you to speak about specific stories. You're obviously not going to do this because you're very professional. You would never share personal details about a patient's life.
But I'm sure you've probably had people come to you who were not only someone that's been through something traumatic, but maybe you've had someone that's a caretaker of someone that had cancer or a caretaker of someone that went through some hard thing. And I wonder what it looks like from a therapy standpoint of...
talking to someone that's been a caretaker and helping them figure out how to take care of themselves too when they're so focused on somebody else.
I'm thinking there's a parent listening to this right now that wants to know what the first step is for them to take to get their mental health back on track. What would you say to that person?
Let's say they're a new mom. Let's say it's someone that's in that first year after having a baby and they just maybe don't feel like themselves. They're having trouble getting out. Their routine's messed up. They're not even brushing their teeth some days and their house is a mess and they feel like a failure and they're stuck in this negative thought cycle that they just can't get out of.
What's step one?
Yeah, what do they do? Because I'm sure someone's saying, okay, great. Yeah, I'm not sleeping at all at night. What do they do then?
I'm so curious, how do you go from being a clinical psychologist to a best-selling author? Your new book, Open When, is now a New York Times best-selling author, which I think you just told us recently. Sweet. How does all that happen? Because you just casually mentioned too, in conversation, you've had a million copies sold, over a million copies sold of your first book.
The social life one, I think, is really hard, especially for new parents.
Because oftentimes your friends want to hang out at times that aren't.
good for kids to be there maybe it's late at night and then your kids wake up at six o'clock in the morning so you're not going to stay out till 1am with your friends plus then you need a sitter to be at home with your so there's so many things that go on but something that i've found that's been helpful for me is abby when she makes dinner i'll take the boys to the park and they'll just run around and have a great time and i just sit and chat with like other parents and it's crazy how talking to other people going through the same thing that you're going through i
which like our life our life is we're good like i don't have anything to complain about but it's just funny like any sort of like negative thing i could think of in my life you talk to another parent they're like oh yeah i have that same crap happen to me like every day and you're like oh let's go and it's almost like the the having that like commonality is it's so yeah so good you feel less alone with it and less judgmental about yourself yeah experiencing it and
And someone that can't afford therapy, therapy can be expensive. We've actually, in the past, we had some therapists that actually were not very good. And luckily now we found a very good therapist and we realized, wow, the first couple that we had were... I don't know how they got licensed. I don't know what happened. And you're clearly someone that's very good at what you do.
So what do you recommend to someone who doesn't have the budget to spend $300, $400, $500 an hour on a really good therapist?
How have you been able to do all that?
I want to do a rapid fire questionnaire with you. But before we do that, I want to tell everyone, go buy Open Wind, Dr. Julie Smith's new book. It's very, very good. New York Times bestselling author. It's so good. If you haven't read her first book, definitely check that one out as well. But where can people connect with you online? What's the best way?
Okay, finish this sentence. Yeah, okay, this is our rapid fire questionnaire. Yeah, where did you come up with this? I actually had AI come up with these. Oh my gosh. Quick questions. Okay, so finish this sentence. The most toxic relationship advice I see online is...
Another one. What do you think about the trend where parents never tell their kids no? They're just refusing to say no to their kids.
This is probably the most controversial question we're going to ask on this whole podcast.
Coffee or tea?
What's the funniest thing that we do or the most interesting thing? I know I was teasing you a bit about the rabbit in the headlights. What's something that you've noticed about me?
Look at what you're wearing. You look very sophisticated.
Oh, yeah.
And is it selfish to prioritize your marriage over your kids?
Yay.
Well, we've had a really fun time chatting with you. I love hearing your takes and, you know, hearing how you say rabbit in headlights. It's so fun. Thank you, Dr. Julie. Thank you for being here. And yeah, this is awesome.
I always feel like I needed cheer at the beginning of a podcast. I don't know why that is.
I have something kind of embarrassing to admit. I was actually Googling yesterday what a clinical psychologist is because I didn't know the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist.
What's something that happened recently in your time as a therapist that made you realize people need to have this information? I'm sure there's a story that you can think of where you just wish everybody could have the resources that you were giving to that person that was going through a tough time.
So you're not alone. Okay, okay. So can you explain it?
These people going through identity crises in their 20s, people that are depressed and having mental health problems is a big part of that because they don't. have community. They don't have that close friend. They don't have someone in their life that they can talk to about it. I noticed you just mentioned your husband. He knows how to say the right thing to just kind of set you back on track.
Is that a common theme that you notice in people that are really struggling? They don't have any sort of support system.
Which Griffin calls medicine. We've told him it's a vitamin, but he's still... He still calls it medicine.
Really?
C.I. Melody III was contacted on 29 September 1955 by a trusted friend who served under his command in Europe and who is presently residing in Maracaibo. C.I. Melody III preferred not to reveal the identity of his friend. C.I.
Melody III's friend stated that during the latter part of September 1955, Philip Citron, former German SS trooper, stated to him confidentially that Adolf Hitler is still alive.
Hitler left Colombia for Argentina around January 1955. Citrin commented that in as much as 10 years have passed since the end of World War II, the Allies could no longer prosecute Hitler as a criminal of war.
He actually denied that he had shot anyone personally. But we had papers from a British prisoner of war camp where he had admitted shooting two people.
Oh, they told you to do that? Yeah, they're like, hey, if and when this guy wins, put on some sunglasses.
And I'm like, okay, yeah, I got sunglasses.
Yeah, there wasn't a lot of pitching. Okay. Dude, I didn't even know I was going to do it. I think we talked about this last time. I didn't know I was going to do it. I walk in. They were like, how physical are you willing to get? And I'm like, what's that? Right. And they're like, maybe you chokeslam someone. I'm like, maybe.
And they're like, yeah, at the end of the match, I'll come and grab you and you climb in the ring and you chokeslam this guy. And I'm like, right.
What do you got? I don't know. What do you guys think would be a bucket list thing for me? Because I thought immediately upon getting off of the stage or the ring, I was like, I wish this were Blake. You thought that?
I wish I felt something, but your emotional intelligence is like zero.
No, the first thought is Tony. Tony was like, oh my God, my heart is racing. That was incredible. And my heart wasn't beating. Maybe. At all. I was dead. Heart stopped. You're Paul Bearer, dude. I was like, oh yeah, mine too. It wasn't. I was just totally fine. I was like, it wasn't racing. I was like, yeah, I feel like it was.
All right, I get it. Well, I don't even know if it was the stage. Maybe it was the stage for it.
Jesus. Pushing in the money. I'm a dude. Jeopardy question. What is pushing in the money? Pushing in the money. So you're not going to host the casino night on the cruise, I take it. That'll be me.
Pushing in the money, baby. You've never played cards?
oh which was like very weird yeah it's not even poker this is the way oh that's right when we tried to play blackjack in i think atlantic city uh we really had to coach you up a little bit well that i know how to play blackjack is not oh then who are we who are we was it blake that didn't know i know how to play 21 well it's called blackjack uh you played at 21 is it todd
Maybe it was just a rando. Right. Maybe. Maybe it was a rando. Yeah, I feel. Yeah, mine would probably be something where I might die.
Like wrestling, I know I'm not going to die. It has to be. It has to be. Yeah.
Almost, but not. Like, like, uh, like squirrel suiting, like squirrel suit.
I don't, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna do that.
Well, it was like scuba diving with sharks, like shark,
Today on This is Important.
What are they teaching us? We're out in the ocean just grabbing tiger shirts.
What does that mean, dude? I get places.
I'm going to be on the yacht. I'm going to Cozumel.
I'm going to Cozumel, baby. Hey, Tampa. Well, yeah, because we're doing this cruise together, but you mean for work. I'm kind of that way, too. I don't take many trips. Like I don't go on a lot of vacations. Oh, you got to travel. You got to travel.
I'm just watching Adam get ready to clap here.
And also, Blake, you have money, dude. I mean, take some of the money that we're earning off this podcast from our 10,000 fucking ads that we have.
And put that to, yeah, take some of the load boost cash and put it to a trip.
Yeah, but they're always trying to get out. Oh, they are. That's true. The house cat doesn't want to leave. The house cat doesn't want to leave.
Yeah, the junkyard dog is always like, as soon as I get off this chain.
I'm just clapping? Goddamn! And if you're not one of our 1,100 subscribers, you're missing out today because these boys are flopping in the wind. Adam's got his guns out.
You know cheers in Japanese? Yeah. Kampai. The best. The best cheers of all the cheers, dude. Absolutely. Kampai.
That's a celebratory right there.
Bye. Everybody's coming. I like that. Everybody's, everybody's coming. I like that. To Japan.
I bet you could have, when Severance Season 3 is staffing up, you could throw your name in.
Well, we have friends that are in that writer's room. I think that's a possibility that you could get in there if you really, really wanted that.
We're going to call it.
yeah you could build a city like sim city you could you know be the mastermind of this beautiful city and create this wonderful utopia and i could destroy it with my rocket launchers right and that would be a cool yin and yang right for me and you yeah right i love it bucket list let's start filling out our bucket list because we are getting old and we do need to really like complete it and so the wrestling thing would do it for you blaze that's a thing that's on your bucket list
Yeah, I think that would be really cool. And also, like, he wants to travel, but it's too much of a jam.
Yeah, my tits are taut. My tits have stayed taut, though.
Well, I had done it once before with Efron in Hawaii for Mike and David wedding dates. And we were just like, let's fucking do it. And then when I did it, I was like, holy shit, that was insane and incredible. And then we did the— It wasn't as fun with us.
Beluga. We're going to eat up this one. What do they call these? Gills? Gills. Yes. Yes. I'm so dumb. No, you're good, dude. Yeah, no, I was for sure scared because it wasn't a small tiger shark. Like, we saw a couple small tiger sharks. When we did the, uh, can't get into a tiger shark layer thing. It was 13 feet. It was the size of a fucking van that came out of nowhere. It was fucking enormous.
Right. And then Zach swims up to it and grabs its fin.
Yeah. He's like that. And everybody was like, that shit was fucking insane. And then he does it two more times.
That's crazy.
Yeah. It seemed like a wild, I mean, it's a, you know, it was a, obviously it was a wild shark. It was, we, we weren't in fucking sea world. We were out in the ocean. Right. Just grabbing tiger shark. Uh, so that was crazy.
say death wish I don't mean like he's like suicidal or anything I'm just saying like is the guy like just it seems like I think he's a risk taker yeah I think he's a risk taker yeah he's like I dare you to kill me god yeah I think I would like you know I want to go on a safari like I might shoot this thing in Africa later this year yeah That would be dope.
And if I do actually shoot that movie, I want to try to extend and go on like a sick safari and like see some lions and tigers. Yeah. Oh my.
You know what I mean? Like... So that's cool. So you're allowed to bring sandwiches because that was my follow-up question. Yeah. Can you bring sandwiches and Doritos?
All right.
Yeah, like ketchup and maple syrup and shit.
Okay. And also ketchup.
Yeah, I bet they do. I guarantee there's a maple syrup chip up in Canada, without a doubt. I mean, maybe as a goof. Producers, feel free to put that in the chat. Thank you. They won't.
Without a doubt. And it's sort of like Kit Kats in Japan. Right. They got a lot of flavor. Where they have like wasabi flavored Kit Kats. I think it's matcha. Probably maple syrup. Probably maple syrup flavored.
Oh, yeah, you just get one.
You take the nail off of that artwork that's been hanging there since the second you moved in, and you replace it with one of our many accolades.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Uh, well, we just did promo and the reason we're all hyped up wearing these sick, and dare I say, a lot of people might think they're douchey. I think they're sick. I think they're totally sick. Captain's hats. Yeah. The reason we're wearing them is because we just made a huge announcement. that the cruise is going to be cruising February 22nd through the 26th of next year, 2026.
Thank you.
Out of Tampa all the way down to Cozumel, Mexico. That's right.
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Yes, points. All right. So I gave her just the brandification. It got me, dude. I was like, Sour Patch Kids.
Yeah. I know.
Yeah, that's a Seinfeld bit for sure. What's the deal? No, congratulations. The cereal's all ice cream. The ice cream's all cereal.
I would say eight out of ten times there is one person in the crew is date raping if they're wearing this. Okie dokie. And Troy, you know what I told her?
Do we think RFK is actually going to do shit? Because Trump eats like a fucking garbage can. That was just like to get his votes, right? I know.
He's like, haha, gotcha, bitch.
But you like that shit more than anyone, I thought.
You know, I don't get it. I think it's cool, but I don't get it, you know.
It's just a bunch of cum pie. I thought, that's a cum pie.
Then I threw in a dumpster, got in my Wrangler. So I don't know why it was my pitch to wear these hats, but I just kind of thought.
RFK is going to take it down. Dude, and also, Pillsbury cinnamon roll cereal? That seems like a lot, dude. Dude, that's bad, right?
That's how we started our day as young bucks. Yeah, I still will smash some cereal. I still... I eat protein cereal, which probably is even worse for you. But I'll have some protein cereal. Just because they... Wow. Now I'm just eating a ton of whey protein.
Yeah, like what...
Yeah, you're too old. It's a porn hub. I know, but like... That mustache went white and you lost your cool, dude.
I did, I did.
Dude, I feel like you are six months to one year away from it being all white. Because this, a year ago, wasn't this white, even close to.
Yeah, I said this one fits your personality, Blake, and then I underlined it.
Yeah, there has to be some... Your beard is dark. ...amount that you can... I mean, it does... There has to be some way that you can age yourself down a little bit, but not to where you're trying to act like you're a 26-year-old guy again.
I thought you were going to say toupees. Who are on TRT, which Blake should be on.
He just gave himself a little Fu Manchu, a little goatee.
I look like I play in Black Sabbath, brother. No. What's cool is you have a mustache, and that mustache... is somehow thinner and wispier than your mustache.
No, you look like someone who plays it for their kids, but their kids are grown and out of the house and doesn't talk to them.
He says brother a lot. Let me play you something. And you're like, they're like, I got to play you something. Dad, quit calling me. I told you you're out of my life.
Dad, you're not my brother. I'm your daughter. Come on, brother. Dude. Wow, dude. Yeah, no, I think the only way I would dye my hair like that would be dye it white. Like if it's going kind of gray or kind of white. Mm-hmm. Just go, just say fuck it and go full on Uncle Baby Billy and just get a shot ahead of white hair. Fuck it!
That being said, if I go bald, full on hair plugs without even batting an eye.
Yeah, and then he says quietly, I have a daughter. And you're like, what? What does that have anything to do with anything? Like, what? I'm just a guy ordering a Captain Hat. I know, I know. Oh, man!
God damn. Hit it. Hit it. There's a guy at the breakfast spot I go to a lot that has a crazy gnarly toupee. Yeah. Dude. You see like the line that goes across? It's a lost art. Truly. If you guys wait, I think we might have talked about this, but if you went bald, would you guys go, would you get hair plugs? I would. I would for sure.
Yeah, they say lustrous. Luscious. Luscious? Well, both are words.
Luscious.
style and lebron had that it was so tight it is weird that some people can can get hair plugs and it looks great like joel mckale like he has hair plug he's talks about i'm not outing him but his hair looks great you couldn't tell you can't tell right he has but lebron well he's the guy has to get hair plugs every other weekend it seems and then it looks bad every time
Like halfway through the year, he loses his hair again.
It starts to fall out. Yeah. Like halfway through the season. And I guess. He's an athlete, of course. I mean, why? Of course.
Bummer. I mean, the captain, they're fine. They're cool. You know, I thought it was fun. We just did an announcement, a video announcement for the cruise. That's why we're rocking them. And then I was like, we should have a background of like a yacht or of the ocean or maybe dolphins. Sure. In the background or something.
I don't think they tell you to not.
No, he's talking about the long hair. No, it's not long.
He's got like a tuft, which my dad had when we were... Before he admitted that his hair was bald. And that's dope, too.
Yeah, I could agree. That being said, I would get... Are you setting something up? Yeah. I'd get hair plugs so quickly.
That being said, absolutely, I would. I would.
I like that you could turn off and on a mustache. I wish I could, dude. I just checked again as if. As if it suddenly would start working and I'd be able to be part of the cool thing where I could have mustaches like you guys can just add a mustache. It's science.
I didn't know what the zoom app was capable of. Theirs worked just fine and we're able to get cool backgrounds. He has a pirate hat. Me and Blake. Yeah. Blake and, and Jersey. And, uh, I, mine just didn't work. The tech ghost is still haunting. Yeah. That's really bizarre. It stays haunting. I don't know why.
Okay. All right. Any takebacks?
Because it's an insane look, is what it is.
I would like to give a shout out to the Weed Company Lowells. They just sent me a... A package of a bunch of joints, dude. And their joints are the fucking best. Hey, lols.
You barely smoke weed, dude. Smoke weed every day. Lolz, right here. Look at this.
They don't do gummies, unfortunately. And look at this package. You want to see it? How fucking beautiful it is. They have matches up top. And then you open it up.
Yeah, so big shout out to Lowell's. I'm a big fan. Thank you for sending me this shit. Really appreciate it.
God damn.
I love it. I love it. Okay. Well, that was another episode of This Is Important.
Cabins are selling like hotcakes. I can't wait. Something like cabins, honestly. I can't wait. I can't. Well, you have to wait until February 22nd through the 26th of 2026 out of Tampa.
I love that we're exploring Zoom. Remember when we had to do a pirate? I mean, had to. We chose to. You had to wear an eyepatch for something we were doing. It was like a sketch.
Yeah, it was a sketch we did way back in the day. And then he would know the lines front and back.
I remember that being so weird. I wonder if that has anything also... It's a human brain. I think it's your brain. I think it's like... Yeah. A beautiful mind. Yeah. Like, is that also like why you can't tell time? Or like, there has to be some... Connective tissue there?
I just can't read it.
I'm a fucking idiot. Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's the case.
That's a really good question. I mean, no. No, Blake, you're really dumb. I'll say that about you. Okay. Well, play me in Jeopardy, bro. Let's go.
No, you're a smart guy in some aspects.
I would say that we're in the same boat. I was about to add that we're in the same boat.
You're so dumb. I don't suck. I fucking rock, dude. Yeah, that's true. But I'm so dumb, dude, and so are you. And so is Durr's, just in a different way.
Nah. You know about Nam? You don't know about Nam, bro. Absolutely, I don't know about that. You're right. If anyone knew anything about it, that would be more than what I know about it.
Well, they're not in our friend group, for sure.
You know what? I do. I do know emotions because I'm crying because I don't understand things.
I'm emotionally intelligent because I cry a lot because I don't understand things and it really frightens and scares me.
Well, this is what you know about.
And horoscopes, I bet. Also, and crystals.
Hot dogs? Delicious.
Yeah, sure. Doubt it.
Yeah, we're fun.
Well, absolutely. We should do a Jeopardy night. That'd be fun.
Who tees off on us? I don't see anyone teeing off on us. Oh, my DMs are just people.
Well, I think Blake also reads the internet a little too. You're like digging.
Yeah. You're digging in the crates a little bit.
Yeah, Doris is not that guy. I've done a few. But you know who sends me messages every year? And I wonder if he does it. And the reason I'm remembering this, and I might have said it on the podcast, he sent me a message the other day because The Righteous Gemstones is airing. And he just hit me up about how he liked the episode the other day. And I've only met him like once or maybe twice.
Sure. No. He does? No, it was Rick Flair, dude. What? Okay. Nice.
No, I have his text. We text each other, dude.
And the two people that hit me up every year for my birthday without fail, Rick Flair and Weird Al. What?
You guys do. I say every year. Sometimes you guys miss a year. Every once in a while. It might be a day later. I think I have missed one. Ders is more spot on. I'll give him that. I would say, yeah, I do believe you nail it. Well, he has to. Blake will miss one.
You know, when I did the thing at the AEW the other week, I was thinking, like, I thought it was very fun and, like... it was awesome for sure yeah and then I got off stage and people were like that had to have been a bucket list thing for you sure of course and it wasn't mhm It wasn't. It didn't even, it's still, even now I'm like, yeah, it was a cool thing. Like not bucket list.
I wouldn't put it up there. Oh, even close to the top 10 things that I'd want to do before I die. Right. But I was thinking Blake and Kyle, that is their bucket list to go in the ring. 20,000 screaming fans, choke slam someone, you know, I wish there was probably more to it, but you know what they say?
Yeah, is a fucking pulling teeth.
Yeah, but what do you think? Because I was like, well, that's probably yours, right? A bucket list thing for you.
that would be incredible okay yeah i see i wouldn't want to die after that okay right i would just go i'm gonna keep living that's a cool thing i did but i'm gonna there's like a lot of stuff that yeah being in the center of the ring after chokes like you should have thrown a freaking suck it dude you should have been but that's not the aew man it's not a i know but you can still throw a suck it and the fans will go wild dude yeah i was just putting my sunglasses on like like i was told to do i was told like put on some sunglasses
can you speak to your second spiritual awakening? You say that your first spiritual awakening, you realized God was real and your second spiritual awakening, you realized you were real. Can you, can you speak to that moment? Because I think that exemplifies exactly what Glennon's going to right now.
In fact, they said, please don't do that. Here I've come with my help.
Got these bags of help. They're like, we're closed. The big closed sign on the door. And you're like, just got a few more bags I'm going to bring in.
And don't we also... believe that we are not worthy of love because we seek out those with whom we can settle to be needed as opposed to be loved.
Because we got to that and we're like, we don't know how to make this work. This is where the theory really breaks down.
When I was thinking about detachment, I just assumed that detachment meant you put up this boundary. This person is not in your life. So basically, again, my sense of control, like, okay, I can just reorder everything. And then these people are in and these people are out. But you say that the detachment isn't being detached from the person that
it is detaching from the agony of the involvement with the person. I do.
I heard you say that you think that the changes that have happened in your life or the changes you've made in your life have all started two years before you anyone could say, oh, there's a change. And that felt so comforting to me because it feels, sometimes you're like, God, I'm just doing the same damn thing I'm always doing and I'm not making. But all those little bitty baby micro things
Mental shifts.
I was fascinated by, you talk about Esther Olson's work where she calls grief the forgiveness process.
And obviously the last stage of grief is acceptance. And it just made me think, is all of this, our process of detaching, is it really all just about forgiving others for being who they are?
Some people think, okay, if I'm going to accept this, I just have to adapt to it. Or I just have to resign myself to it. Or I have to just tolerate it. And that isn't what acceptance means, correct?
And that is the grief, right? Because if we get to surrender, which is acknowledging that we accept our circumstances, including ourselves and including the people in our lives and our lives themselves as they are in this moment, the grief is that... We can't make ourselves and our lives and other people any different than they are in this moment. The good news is we're not God.
Yeah. And moving out of our home is... in that way that you just described, but it's also in the way of understanding that a lot of these very well ingrained strategies and ways of seeing the world that are making us crazy now
are there because we've never moved out of our metaphorical home because a lot of those strategies were strategies that were letting us survive when we couldn't make that choice for ourselves. You talk a lot about how a lot of the things that you had to move away from later were the very things that kept you safe earlier.
Can I just ask one teeny tiny question? Here she goes. For those of us for whom we hear you on The Returning Home, good idea. Great. Let's do that. What if our home is like a bit... Disorderly. Cluttered. Their home is under construction. It's just, it's kind of chaotic in there. So we're not totally sure that returning home is going to feel as comforting as it seems to be for y'all.
So do you have any suggestions on that?
Amen. So you don't wait until it's orderly to go home. You just go home and work on it.
Well, I have always just assumed that among the many things that I have to worry about, codependency was not one of them because... I was like, oh, codependent. That can't be me. I'm the one that everyone is dependent on. So codependency has nothing to do with me.
We love you, Melody. Give your daughter a big hug from us.
What's her name?
I loved that song.
Oh my gosh. You know what? It's just like this thing where you know you have a really good friend when you don't clean up your house before they come in. Yeah. Oh, that's so good, Sissy Bear. But to be like the best friend to you, you don't need to clean up your own house before you go home. Yeah.
And I just never revisited it until Hatmaker came on the pod and she had just read your book and was talking about how it is not letting others around you that you care about feel and experience the consequences of their own actions. And I was like, damn it, damn it. And so I newly understand myself also in this, in this area.
Can we go to that havoc piece? Because one of the most revolutionary parts of your work to me is how codependence makes us feel crazy and leads us to this kind of ultimate self-harm, which is distrusting ourselves. So when you talk about feeling crazy, you say we feel crazy because we're lying to ourselves because we are believing other people's lies.
And that disrupts this core of our being, that deep instinctive part of ourselves that knows the truth. We push that away. And then we begin to not trust ourselves. Is that what you mean when you say that havoc in your life, that kind of crazy making peace?
wow, that's a big deal.
Since I'm relatively new to this, I will represent the people who are listening right now and thinking, this is so fascinating, but I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Let's just do a little, you might be codependent if. So as Melody said, her definition in her pioneering work was one who is affected by someone else's behavior and and is obsessed with controlling that behavior.
So this is people who they're always reacting. They're never acting. They are caretaking. They're in denial, repression, anger. They have low self-esteem and they also are folks who might feel more safe giving than you are secure in receiving. You feel responsible for someone else's wellbeing. You have a habit of saying yes when you mean no, these kinds of things.
And recently I have become aware of this high functioning codependence, which is the one that I am in tune with. And I heard it on Terry Cole's podcast, but it's this idea of like, if you are the, I got it person. You are, I got it. I'm the one that everyone goes to. I am the one who, if something is urgent to someone else, it automatically becomes urgent to me.
And you're doing that to the detriment of yourself and your responsibility to yourself. So if any of those things ring true to you, Add one thing to that.
Does it count if you become actively angry at these people?
The platform we used before Shopify needed regular updates, which sometimes led to the shop not working.
Yes.
Yeah, because it isn't marking how you feel. Sometimes rituals are most important precisely because they are in opposition to how you feel.
Okay.
Got it.
Like you want to get nominated for the award, but you want to be like, screw the institution. Got it.
I can think of it that way.
I was thinking when you said that about the community and the congregants, can you tell us about the rain dance ritual and what they thought they were doing, what happens in a drought and what they were actually doing? Because I think that's fascinating.
Yeah. I've never thought of that. The ladder thing assumes that there's someone monitoring, some greater being monitoring that we go under a ladder, but we would choose to believe in the kind of being that would torment us for walking under a ladder.
She is on yellow, y'all. We're going to cut her off.
I would say the same. Yeah.
I have to have my coffee before I do anything. So it's coffee and then teeth.
You're a human.
Absolutely.
I'm like thinking that you're lying right now, all of you, that you brush your teeth before you get your coffee.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, it's a process.
This podcast is now brought to you by whoever the hell makes silverware.
That's how I feel. It's like that quote, either nothing is a miracle or everything's a miracle. We're all walking around like this is just normal that we live on this place with all of these things.
I want to repeat what you just said. You said habits automate us, but rituals animate us. So That's this idea that the animation is like you are actually not automated. You are not a robot. You are human. And a long line of an ancient, ancient humanity who can smell things and hear things and feel things, which you might forget if you are just human. automated all the time.
So that's why the candles and the incense and the smells and all of it is because that grounds you in being a human being.
Often you don't, Michael.