Jake

And I got on the call, everything sounded amazing.

I signed up and that typical, I don't know how to put it, that typical like attitude of somebody in the military is somebody else needs it more than I do.

At least I know in the special operations community, that's how most of us feel.

And that's what went through my mind is somebody needs this more than me, so I'm not going to do it.

And I chose not to go for two years, which...

I won't call it a mistake because the retreat I ended up going on was I was supposed to meet the guys that were there.

I was supposed to be with the providers that were there.

And it came at a time in my life that was right.

So it was supposed to happen that way.

But if you go into this call and you think to yourself, you know, somebody else needs this more than I do, you shut that voice off because it's lying to you.

You need this.

You deserve this.

Go do it and go get better.

So yeah, I could have done it two years ago, ended up not doing it.

And then finally, you know, what I talked about a couple minutes ago, when I finally got to my darkest place, I made the decision that I have to go get better.

I can't let this keep happening.

So I got on the call, got my retreat scheduled, got the scholarship and headed out there and

Um, so I went to Mexico on the Pacific coast, flew into San Diego, went across the border, um, after multiple health screenings beforehand and after six weeks of pre-integration work.

And a week after, I went to San Diego and my wife came out and one of my best friends from when I was in, he had gone and done the Ibogaine two or three weeks before I did, I think.

And also by this point I'd spent about three months before the retreat, really getting into meditation and yoga.