James Clear

There was a hilarious op-ed that was written, I think it was in the New York Times, this wife who, her husband would never throw his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, and it was driving her nuts. Occasionally he would do it, but it was like pulling teeth all the time to get him to do this consistently.

She tried nagging him, she tried annoying him, you know, whatever, just all kinds of different, put the laundry hamper in a different place. Don't even have it in the closet, just have it out on the floor in the bedroom, and he still wouldn't do it. Sometimes he'd throw the clothes next to the hamper. She's like, you're already throwing it over there, just put it in.

She tried nagging him, she tried annoying him, you know, whatever, just all kinds of different, put the laundry hamper in a different place. Don't even have it in the closet, just have it out on the floor in the bedroom, and he still wouldn't do it. Sometimes he'd throw the clothes next to the hamper. She's like, you're already throwing it over there, just put it in.

eventually what she settled on doing was that every time that he happened to put it in the hamper she would make a huge deal about it she'd run over give him a kiss give him a hug say thank you be like oh you're making my life so much easier thank you so much over the course of about a year she effectively trained him to always put the clothes in the hamper because every time that happened something good happened he got praised it felt good almost like training a dog in a sense which is

eventually what she settled on doing was that every time that he happened to put it in the hamper she would make a huge deal about it she'd run over give him a kiss give him a hug say thank you be like oh you're making my life so much easier thank you so much over the course of about a year she effectively trained him to always put the clothes in the hamper because every time that happened something good happened he got praised it felt good almost like training a dog in a sense which is

All kinds of organisms, dogs and humans, love feeling praised. We like feeling good. We like being rewarded. And so if you praise the good actions and ignore the bad actions, it's again, almost like a form of gravity. People naturally gravitate toward the things that they get rewarded for, the things they get praised for.

All kinds of organisms, dogs and humans, love feeling praised. We like feeling good. We like being rewarded. And so if you praise the good actions and ignore the bad actions, it's again, almost like a form of gravity. People naturally gravitate toward the things that they get rewarded for, the things they get praised for.

And you'd be surprised how often people don't do something like this, or in fact, do the opposite. You can imagine the quiet kid in the household who comes down for dinner with the rest of the family. And it's like, oh, look who showed up. They decide to share something about their day. And it's like, oh, a fact about your life.

And you'd be surprised how often people don't do something like this, or in fact, do the opposite. You can imagine the quiet kid in the household who comes down for dinner with the rest of the family. And it's like, oh, look who showed up. They decide to share something about their day. And it's like, oh, a fact about your life.

And you can imagine a parent or somebody saying something sarcastic like that. And all of a sudden you're punishing the very behavior that you wanted to see. So praise the good, ignore the bad. I think it applies in a lot of situations and can be more powerful than you realized. The tricky part is it requires a lot of patience. You got to do it for six months or a year or three years.

And you can imagine a parent or somebody saying something sarcastic like that. And all of a sudden you're punishing the very behavior that you wanted to see. So praise the good, ignore the bad. I think it applies in a lot of situations and can be more powerful than you realized. The tricky part is it requires a lot of patience. You got to do it for six months or a year or three years.

It's hard to stick with that in the long run. Last example of this is a weightlifting one. I was at the gym on a Friday night one time and I was there with a friend and we were doing a quick workout. It's probably like 20, 25 minutes. We got done and we're putting our shoes on. And this guy who's just kind of a jerk went over and was talking to her. It was like quick workout for a Friday night.

It's hard to stick with that in the long run. Last example of this is a weightlifting one. I was at the gym on a Friday night one time and I was there with a friend and we were doing a quick workout. It's probably like 20, 25 minutes. We got done and we're putting our shoes on. And this guy who's just kind of a jerk went over and was talking to her. It was like quick workout for a Friday night.

She just kind of moved on. But that's like exactly the opposite of the type of feedback you want to be getting, especially if you're someone who's like new coming into the gym or feeling kind of uncomfortable there. What people should be saying is, oh, it's great that you got in here, even though it's the weekend.

She just kind of moved on. But that's like exactly the opposite of the type of feedback you want to be getting, especially if you're someone who's like new coming into the gym or feeling kind of uncomfortable there. What people should be saying is, oh, it's great that you got in here, even though it's the weekend.

And a little cutting comment like that is all that people need to not show up again the next day. the more that you can be lavish with praise is maybe stating it even too strongly, but it doesn't really cost you very much to be kind. And you may not even remember it, but it's the kind of thing that might be enough to get that person to show up again the next time.

And a little cutting comment like that is all that people need to not show up again the next day. the more that you can be lavish with praise is maybe stating it even too strongly, but it doesn't really cost you very much to be kind. And you may not even remember it, but it's the kind of thing that might be enough to get that person to show up again the next time.

So in the long run, praising the good and ignoring the bad can count for a lot.

So in the long run, praising the good and ignoring the bad can count for a lot.

I am. Yeah. And working is the correct term. Currently kind of slogging and battling against the manuscript. I seem to find whatever way requires the most suffering to write books. Atomic Habits, the first draft was like 720 pages, and then I cut it down to 250 eventually, which for the finished version, this manuscript's like 600 and something right now. So I'm in the trimming phase.