James Cordova

Thank you so much, Shankar.

It's great to be here.

That's a good question.

The characteristic that makes perpetual issues different is that they are arising out of naturally occurring fundamental differences between two partners.

So these are things like personality differences, say, for example, introvert and extrovert, different emotional relationships with money, like a spender relationship with money versus a saver relationship with money.

So they're

They're part of how we're built.

And because it's sort of fundamental to who we are, that agenda to try to change each other tends to create tension.

Exactly right.

And they tend to be the things that are left when we've changed everything that we can.

So acceptance is letting go of our efforts to change the other person and our efforts to change ourselves in relation to those things that even though we wish they were otherwise, hard experience has sort of taught us

oh, this actually isn't going to change.

We gave it the good old college try, and it has shown itself as resilient to that.

So soft front, strong back is a way of moving in relation to each other, where the soft front is really it's just empathy for our partner.

I know where you're coming from.

I get it.

I can feel it and I care.

That's the soft front.

And the strong back is really empathy for ourselves, compassion for ourselves, connection to our own

well-being and not abandoning that in relation to what is best for our partner.