James Everett

You can never have too much kitty, in my opinion.

Victoria Wood also once reminded us not to pull over on the motorway to listen to the archers in case the police give you an on-the-spot penalty, like eating three cream crackers with a glass of water on your head.

How we miss her, he says.

Anyway, I was irritated this week by all the talk of the laurels.

Why does the media always want to portray retirement homes as fun places packed with healthy, active pensioners with a remarkable resemblance to various national treasures, whereas in fact most of them are pretty grim places?

When did anybody ever go to a retirement home and decide that it was so lovely that they wanted to give up their independence and move in?

When did anybody of an age to enter such a home ever choose to visit their friends there?

My experience is that older people tend to avoid them like the plague and just hope they never have to move in.

I'm sure some luxury retirement facilities must exist, but they're incredibly expensive.

The Laurels was formerly home to a retired agricultural labourer

AKA Sykes.

Ah, no, it was being paid for by someone he used to work for.

So that's why he was there.

He said, the Archers doesn't seem to let anybody age normally.

Take Lillian.

She's about 80.

She's running around and now working in a pub in which she was until recently a silent partner.

She drinks, she smokes.

Why isn't she dead?

Or at least a bit achy and easily tired.