Jamie Mustard

At that point, I had a foot in and a foot out.

I was like looking at all the blogs.

I was looking at anonymous, but I was trying to hold on to my friends and my family because I know if I say that I have doubts, if I say I'm against it, that I'm going to lose everyone I've ever known.

So you find this like middle ground.

where you're part of it, but you're not part of it.

So I'm all over these anti-Scientology sites.

My mind is reeling, you know, and I'm trying to be in this middle ground that's impossible to be in for very long.

And one of the things that I read on one of these blogs was that they'd estranged Bella, and I've never talked about this publicly, when they expel you from Scientology, a yellow piece of paper comes out on goldenrodpaper.com,

that calls you a suppressive person, like you're evil to like Charles Manson or Hitler.

The minute Scientology sees your name on a paper like that, they literally believe they would see you as a Hitler character.

Not, oh, we have to treat him like a Hitler character.

No, that's how powerful the golden rod is.

They believe it.

And they could have loved you the day before.

And I'd read about this on blogs and I didn't believe it.

It was one of the things that kept me in is like the media is lying.

And Bella, who doesn't even know me, starts telling me about how her mother, Nicole Kidman, who she hasn't seen in 10 years, is a suppressive person.

And that the church, we're calling it a church.

I don't want to insult.

Sometimes I say I don't call it a cult because I don't want to insult cults.