Janice McCabe

And, you know, it wasn't something at first that they were looking to, you know, become a part of their identity, but it was.

So just thinking about what's a new interest that you have and then finding a group that meets repeatedly.

So it's not just like a one-time thing, which sounds like you're, you know, the case in your example too.

It wasn't just one time that you went to a place, but regularly.

Yeah, no, that does sound like that fits so perfectly.

Yeah, I think, you know, to keep your eyes open for different activities, clubs, groups, places that are doing things as I spoke about, you know, regularly.

So not just a one time workshop, but a weekly class or something like that.

And then make sure you talk to people that are there rather than spending all the time on your phone and being willing to take some risks in the sense of asking people to coffee or walk or doing something outside of those settings.

And they might say no.

But it may just be that they're not in the market for friends.

So not taking it personally and being willing to try again is really useful.

Yeah, I think, you know, sociology talks a lot about structure, too, you know, and finding patterns in what we do.

So we like to think that friendship is a chosen relationship, and it is in many ways.

Yet the people that we encounter, the people that we become friends with are also shaped by friendship.

proximity or a sociological term of propinquity, which is this idea of who we regularly encounter repeatedly, why we're more likely to be friends with someone whose apartment door faces ours or we share a stairwell with or who has the office next to us rather than someone down the hall or, you know, on another floor of the building.

Yeah.

No, but those identity shifts are really powerful times for us in changing our relationships, too, because I think we also like to think, you know, like, oh, I've made good friends, like I'm set.

But instead, friendship is something that's that's a process that we're continually changing.

you know, meeting new people, we're changing, they're changing.

And, you know, we may change together with our friends or, you know, or we might not.