Janice McCabe

And so the piece that I wrote in the New York Times talks about times when people

People, you know, are shifting their identity or looking to deepen some part of who they are.

And they stumble into places like I talk about this group for new moms.

But there can be other things.

So rather than just taking a yoga class or a chess class, if you're really looking to become like passionately active.

part of that, you know, for that to be part of who you are.

You're more likely to find a group or a friend or possibly a community there.

Yeah, I think, you know, to look at your interests, you know, not to just show up to something that you have absolutely no interest in, in hopes of making friends, because that's not going to work out either.

But similarly, one of the people that I talked to spoke about an improv group being a place that they found community to.

And, you know, it wasn't something at first that they were looking to, you know, become a part of their identity, but it was.

So just thinking about what's a new interest that you have and then finding a group that meets repeatedly.

So it's not just like a one-time thing, which sounds like you're, you know, the case in your example too.

It wasn't just one time that you went to a place, but regularly.

Yeah, no, that does sound like that fits so perfectly.

Yeah, I think, you know, to keep your eyes open for different activities, clubs, groups, places that are doing things as I spoke about, you know, regularly.

So not just a one time workshop, but a weekly class or something like that.

And then make sure you talk to people that are there rather than spending all the time, you know, on your phone and being willing to take some risks in the sense of, you know, asking people to coffee or walk or, you know, doing something outside of those settings.

And they might say no.

But, you know, it may just be that they're not in the market for friends.

So, you know, not taking it personally and being willing to try again is really useful.