Jay Jurden
Appearances
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I mean, I tried it for a little bit, and it was fucking lit.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
The Nashville, we're exclusively keeping it in Nashville and Laurel Canyon.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
If you're black and you live in Laurel Canyon, feel free, my friend. All right. Wear that fucking stupid ass hat.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Those bitches are ugly. With the big feather? With the big feather. Oh, man, those are not cool.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
SMH. Neo wears that hat. Well, there's a lot of things Neo does. I love Neo. I really love Neo. That guy is awesome.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Wait, I just Googled Neo and he... Let me report on it. His Google images, he has all the hats. He's got the newsboy hat. He's got the wide brim. He's got the fedora. He's got the baseball cap. He's got the feather hat. I mean, this guy is wearing every hat.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
He's never not been bald.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
He definitely was. Look, I just think a hat looks silly. Yeah, every now and then. I think it always looks silly. I think men, straight men in particular, try everything out. Wear a fucking thong. I don't care.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
It feels good. The minute, though, you step out of your house in a newsboy cap, go back inside.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, 60 plus. He used to be a cabbie. Great.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yes. I mean, he looks great in the Kangol.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, he's grown and sexy. He's onk. He's going to the white party.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
It was so that so the Japanese eggplant, the vegetable. Yes. What does that look like?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Solidarity.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Solidarity with my fellow people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this does, I guess this does lead to an interesting point. We usually don't do the section so early, which is the takes on takes section. But I think we're going to do takes on takes real quick because I have to get your take on this take. All right. So this is takes on takes. You either 100 percent disagree or 100 percent agree.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
You essentially take my job for for this moment. All right. Jordan Firstman came on the show and he said gay men dress worse than straight men. Okay. 100% agree or 100% disagree.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, no, we're on a text. We are on a text thread and we are discussing.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Okay, beautiful. And then the penis. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess the penis is all, you know, every Japanese penis is probably a little bit different than the other.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Wait, I don't know what that is.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I thought it was a city.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, I thought it was a city.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I wasn't expecting a funky-ass white boy.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
That's the description I use for many men who play musical instruments. My entire band is made up of funky-ass white boys.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Black 182 is hilarious. Wait, so this band, for those of you who have not been blessed by the algorithm yet, is a Paramore adjacent, Blink 182 adjacent pop punk... I would even say there's some 41 in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Avril Lavigne.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
They are a pop punk power outfit from Atlanta made up of, I think, four or five black teenagers.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
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SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
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SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
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SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Of Kareem Rahma's penis.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Are you more than you bargained for? Yeah. Wait. So he is, you know, he seems like he does not embrace his Jamaican roots, though.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I want some Informa.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I would hate it. Just a little bit of influence in the music. I mean, he doesn't need to go full.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I didn't know that black people have a connection with pop punk.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
He released it during Black History Month.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Come on.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
blackness okay that was uh the soundtrack to the black lives matter uh i'm not going that far i uh you know speaking of old music and old music videos i have developed a new habit i used to watch cnn i'm like a cnn i'm an aero person so i like cnn i have it on all the time kareem that is not
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Of course. This is what I do in the morning. It starts at 630 a.m. Yeah. First thing I do at 630 a.m. I throw on CNN. I put it on mute. I make my coffee while staring at the TV every once in a while. Then I wake up my child and relax with her a little bit. But the TV, then the volume goes up a little bit. And then if they start talking about bombing, the volume goes down again.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
And I do that until about nine when I leave my house. But I have tried to I accidentally stumbled on something amazing. I have YouTube TV, which is like cable. Yeah, right. It's got all the channels on there. It's like you can channel surf and blah, blah, blah. One of the channels is called MTV Classics. And it's literally, you know, the old MTV, no Carson Daly, but it's just music videos.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
And so, you know, it'll be a little mix. It'll be like Sade, and then it'll be like LL Cool J, and then it will be My Chemical Romance.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
There's no rhyme or reason to what they're playing. It's not like the pop hour or whatever. It's just like here's old videos. I don't know who controls it.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I already have both of those things.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I've been there, baby. I've been there. Sign me the fuck up. I've been feeling like a dad since I was 28.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I know, and it's really weird.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, it is beautiful, but sometimes I shock myself and I go, huh, I'm actually old, huh? Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. Sometimes it hits me because I feel youthful. Yeah. But my body does not necessarily... My body does not feel youthful. You look like you have a youthful body.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, I'm not running. I literally rather, nine times out of 10, I would rather miss my train. I hear it. Sometimes I hear it, I go, whatever. I'll just catch the next one. You hear it? No, that is adult male energy. That is dad energy as I go, I'll just catch the next one. Why is everyone in such a big hurry?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Got to go to the damn hospital?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I mean, I know your take. Let's play the take real quick. Let's play the take.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I stomped a little hard.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I was listening to the Lumineers, and I did a little too much stomping and clapping.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
You just had a napkin prepped.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Oh, they didn't even have enough guests.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
That's beautiful. You know what I love about Delta? I think that they have the number one customer service in the world. Yes. Out of all companies. You want to know why?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, dude, no, it's incredible. I go, you know, I've been doing this. I'll get off the flight. Let's say my Wi-Fi doesn't work. Yeah, let's say your outlet didn't work. That happened before. This is what I do. I go to ChatGPT. I know, boo, boo, boo, we don't like it. But I go to ChatGPT, I type in Wi-Fi didn't work on plane or outlet didn't work on plane, need refund or SkyMiles points.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
And then it generates an email for me. I copy paste that, put it in the Delta customer service thing. Without a doubt, they always go, hey, we've added 20,000 SkyMiles points. To your account. Which is $200.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Get naked. Not trying to be stereotypical, but you're probably packing heat.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
They just plug you. I like doing the Karen. I like doing like as a valued platinum medallion member since 2010. I give them all the details. Yeah.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Here's the thing. If you're loyal to them, they're loyal to you because me and my friend were on the same flight and he's only silver medallion. Yeah. He's kind of a little bitch.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, no, I know. But it's his fault because he flies as much as me, but he's not loyal.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
This hoe ain't loyal. He's going to different airlines. He's going to different airlines like an idiot. Why? He's only silver medallion. And so we were on the same flight to London or Paris, and we both didn't have Wi-Fi. Mm-hmm. And I or wait something. We just didn't have something. Something didn't work out. And we wrote the same email. I gave him my email. I go, oh, shit.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
In the cab on the way from London Heathrow to our hotel, I did the email thing, sent it, and they gave me 25,000 miles on the spot. He did the same thing. They were like, we're willing to offer you 5,000 miles. Yeah. And then you know what he did? He goes, well, my friend who's literally next to me right now just got $25,000. They go, never heard of him. Kind of a narc.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
What the fudge is up, everyone? It's your boy Kareem Rahma with another episode of the Subway Takes podcast. Today I am joined by none other than the big eggplant emoji himself, big eggplant emoji packer, Jay Jordan. who has performed on The Tonight Show at least three times, has been seen on The Late Late Show with James Corden, Comedy Central.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
They go, never heard of him. Good. You got $5,000. Good job, Delta. And that's why it pays to be a loyal customer. People don't understand. A loyal customer is important. You got to be a regular at a restaurant, and you got to be a regular on the airline. Yeah.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
luggage it does go a long way yeah every now and for those of you listening that have like three kids and you're trying to take the family on vacation by all means take spirit but also why we all fucking so much all them kids Well, they're already alive, so we can't do anything about it. We can't un-alive them.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I'm looking.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Leave her alone, dude. She's had too many.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
But by all means, go ahead and take a spirit flight because you're going to get five tickets for the price of one.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Wait, where are you getting codeine at? You're from the South.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, you're getting to the age where, you know, that is an unk. That's an unk drug. See, mushrooms are an unk drug now. Mushrooms aren't an unk drug. No, they are. They've gone. They've transcended into like, oh, I'm 65 years old. I'm tripping.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I'm seeing stuff that's meaty. Meaty? Real girthy, real meaty. Heavy. And then I'm looking down and I'm seeing... you know, maybe average, maybe below a little bit.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Back before the pandemic, if you were a 37-year-old gay man in New York, you were doing poppers and ketamine. Yeah, yeah. And now you're doing mushrooms.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Horse boy. He's a horse boy now.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, I decided I'm just going to be, because I'm a real dad. Yeah. I'm drinking. Okay, you're drinking. I'm not using drugs. I think drugs are bad.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
All drugs are bad. That's right. But drink alcohol as much as you want.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Daddy's stressed out. Daddy's stressed out. Because daddy can't be stressed out and go, I'm going to pop a couple mushrooms. I'm going to microdose my stress away. I mean, that is, you know.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
What does he want you to call him?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I'm assuming that's his name.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
And is your husband also gay? No. No, no, no. That's my favorite new question to ask. I've been asking that. I think that that's such a funny question.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
But I don't know about that one.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I'm not allowed. I am definitely not allowed to kiss anyone. Actually, here's the thing. I could probably kiss dudes.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Unfortunately. Unfortunately. I'm not bi. Well. And I think, see, I think being bi is awesome.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I think it's unfair how bi people are treated in this country. Mm-hmm. By the gays and the straights and everyone in between. Yeah, speak on it. I think it's like, fuck you. No, it's like, fuck you, dude. That's right. You guys get to be this and that. And I'm like, I'm a poly hetero normative gender, whatever. And this guy can't just go, oh, yeah, I'm bi. I just, you know, I like boys and girls.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
And then people make fun of them. For too long, my people have suffered, not in silence, but. I'm with you. I'm with you. I stand in solidarity. Yeah, kiss. And you know what? I think that they should change LGBTQ to BLG. Bi first.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
They can go second.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
And here's the thing. I also think that maybe every –
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
yeah yeah i get that because look it's it's like oh you were around like you know you you'll go to your kid back in my day it was t l b g t q and the t was in there twice yeah you know you tell i don't know why your voice would change yeah well you're older that's what i'm gonna say i'm just gonna become a white southern man when i'm older that list if we look at voting records that is what happens
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I want to see it. You do want to see it. You just said people were looking. Guess what?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
i'm a conquistador let me get out of here uh i said i was about to say i was having so much fun no you won't you wouldn't be a conquistador i don't i mean no because i don't have any armor exactly you're fine do you think that do you love mexicans so much that you would add them to me see i'm thinking lgbtqm m stands for mexican m stands for mexican i you know what i agree with that because i do know a lot of
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
And the BLM also doubles for it.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, see, the shuffling of the acronym is a great idea.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Cook. Yeah, no, that was a bold statement. But see, this is my opinion on that. I think it's European of me. I think it's continental. You are bold. You're a bold person. But I would never be able to come on a show and discuss that because I'm not Jon Hamm.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
She was rocking FUBU?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
You can look it up. I'm about to because I feel like that's a very brave and bold choice for her to make.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, but does she know what FUBU stands for?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
And they're talking about 20-year-old California.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Okay, yeah, yeah, all right. Her and Finney's. Wait, I'm right now on the FUBU website. What's very nice is that these prices are extremely reasonable. I'm buying new, baby. I'm not buying that vintage shit.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Oh, see, I'm trying to buy brand new. You can get a jersey, the FUBU jersey, for like $30.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Well, I'm actually looking at the crew neck right now. Are you on the front page?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I'm just saying that's such a good deal.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I was looking at a shirt that looks like a jersey.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, yeah. No, I had a couple pieces.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, yeah. No, for sure. Especially when you only got one a month.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Flick me up.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Flick me up. Put this one in the yearbook. You know that? In the, like, who's who section?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Is the polo by Ralph or is it Loren by Ralph or is it Ralph Lauren or is it Association, Polo Association?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
When did you become black?
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I have the update.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
That song is good. Yeah, that's a good song. Kareem. What? Kareem. I'm not saying I disagree with everything he's tweeted in the past two years.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
That's a good song.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, I'm saying sonically.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Sonically, it sounds.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Well, it's still sonically. I mean.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
If you ignore the lyrics sonically. Sonically.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
It's a bad song. Okay, fine.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Wait, I might cop a pair of these myself if I don't mind, if I do.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
They were like, this is too gay. We're going to close it.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
This is back in the day. Yeah, but I don't think I've seen that in a long time. You remember that? None of the free smells.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Dude, I would rub that all over my body before school. Oh, my God. That was the best. I'd use that for a week.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
A whole week of rubbing fucking Strakar Noir on me. These kids don't know. Dude, they don't do that anymore. I don't think they do it anymore. They don't even know what they don't know. Wow. Okay, we have not done takes on takes. Takes on takes.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, no, we haven't thought about this.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
except for that one take so i'm about to put a pin in this as they say in corporate speak we'll get back to it later aka maybe in the comments or something uh but i want i want to do a little bit of a take though i was like jordan said that gay men can't dress and i was i would say he was right number one and number two he was right because what was he wearing oh shit
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, no, I know. That's an Easter egg. All right. More takes, though. 100% agree or 100% disagree. Those are your takes on takes. If you're tall and you can't dunk, we are the same height. 100% disagree. Agree. I agree with you.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Because you are like a moderately sized king.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, yeah. You're a Toyota Camry. No, don't do that. Oh, you're a Honda Civic. Don't do that. You're the RAV4. There we go. What's the most popular car in America? I think it's the RAV4.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Okay, okay, okay. But yeah, I think, look, if you're tall and you can't dunk, you're still tall, King. Yeah. You know, and this short King's trying to tell me that that's not true.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
impressed my kid um okay this one came from rami yusuf i thought this one was a very challenging take that i disagreed with personally fundamentally everyone is a good person all right well while i'm inclined to agree with anything rami says because he's so damn cute it is tough for me to ever disagree with him fundamentally
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I think that there are people who are just simply not good.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, that's when their future is decided.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, if you're born in Manhattan, probably good.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
My baby was born in Manhattan. This one was very funny from a funny comedian called Harkness. Okay.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, the best way to get a woman is to be gay.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Watch reality television.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Oh, no, no. I think that that is very gay and also very amazing. I do it all the time. I get my nails done. It's a treat.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
They got subsidies.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
We're not discussing my DMs on this show.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I don't want to know. Don't tell me.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Because I could... I've been known to be tempted by many things. I'm not. Listen. Temptation Island. Don't turn this into a Temptation Island. We're moving on. We're talking about the South now. Kamau Bell. Every American should have to live for at least... Two weeks a year in the South.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah, that's a big fat dick.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Well, we got all these. I got to visit. I haven't visited enough.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I'm literally writing it down because I do need a trip to the South. Where did you film your special?
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
That's great. And when's the anticipated release? Do you know? I'm trying to help you.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
That makes sense to me. Where can people find you, Jay Jordan?
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
For the whole gang. Tell them you're like, I want 15 pairs. Give them to all your friends.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
He has a medical... He's a condition now.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah. I'm probably a 2XL in speedo.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, no, I just want him to hang off me a little bit.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I want to do a baggy speedo. Well, thank you, Jace, so much for coming on the show, man. It has been so fun. You're hilarious and amazing.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
That's what this officially is.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Nope. It's so nice to be in the comfort of our own homes. All right, man. Thank you so much. I'll catch up with you soon.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
it's that kind of thing yeah that's that's true i mean i guess i guess the speedo is very prevalent amongst other cultures yeah it's only new it's only in the states where like you're watching dudes wear fucking three-quarter length uh capris with flames on them and i'm so glad you brought up my collaboration with guy fieri
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Oh yeah, I'm looking at it right now.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
When was this?
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Stephen Colbert was a writer on The Problem with Jon Stewart as a comedian, writer, actor. Jay Jordan, y'all.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
But see, he has the body and he has the bulge.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I am bulge conscious. I was walking today. I was walking... down Fifth Avenue. Okay. And I saw a huge billboard in Times Square. That bunny? No, it was actually Lenny Kravitz. Okay. And the campaign was like, you know, one, no, it was like one island, multiple lifetimes, the Bahamas. Mm-hmm. What? Wait, wait. It was fire, dude. And he, it is literally a helicopter. Mm-hmm.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
In like some shallow water. Yeah. And Lenny is all white, sunglasses, guitar strapped to the fucking back like an AK-47. Because he has it on him at all times. He's got that thing on him. Yeah. And he's walking in presumably in slow motion.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
All white outfit, pants. Yes. And here's the crazy thing. I could still see his bulge. And I was like, did they Photoshop it out a little bit? Because here's the thing. That thing's hanging always to the right, connected to the thigh, like probably strapped in with a little seatbelt. Because you don't want to flop it, so he probably ties a little bow around it, a little belt.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
You know, he's got the Levi's. He's got a little Tommy Hilfiger belt that he keeps, like a little six-inch belt that he straps around his thigh and his penis.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
What was that?
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah. That's what I say to people. I say congratulations.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I've never really fancied myself a style icon. But I will say I've had the same kind of path for quite some time now. I started as kind of inspired by Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet. Okay. You know, the Leonardo DiCaprio style fit. And I did that, you know, that was a little wild and colorful. So I started that probably at age 28 and wrote it till maybe 35.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, I agree. I mean, people always say happy birthday. I always say congratulations.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I was on that tip. What's the tip now? Well, I kind of just kept the same ethos. Of like, I live in this Baz Luhrmann's Venice, but now I'm more of the John Leguizamo character. Okay. Rather than the Leo character.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, no, no. Is there like a day that everyone says you're not allowed to do that?
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Oh, a new hat.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Yeah. I mean, here's the thing about hats, though. I'm I'm pretty much with them in the sense that I think I don't think any men should try new hats. I think that we have tried all the hats like it started in like eighteen hundred. We were like, cool, let's try the hats. We tried the hats. And we've settled on as a culture as the baseball hat is the acceptable hat.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
I think being of color. Wait a second.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, no. So everyone gets the baseball cap.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Asian, black, white. Actually, I love this take. I want the hat draft. Give it to me. The hat draft. So everyone gets the baseball cap.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Everyone. LL Cool J and Steven Yeun and John Leguizamo. That's everybody. You know, everyone. All colors, all cultures have the baseball cap. Okay. The bucket cap is only for people who can claim their brownness or blackness. I would even say, I'm sorry, Asians, but unless you are an Asian rapper or some sort of cool kind of like a chef, you're like an Asian chef with some sort of personality.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Oh, no, those are a different culture. Okay, so they get the bucket hat? I would say that they don't. They don't? No.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
Okay, if we need to give specific regions, black, all black, Africa, the whole continent, I would say the Arabs can have it. And then I would say East Asians, so like Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, they can have it. South of the border, Mexicans and Latinos, they can have it. And that's it. That's the bucket. Oh, shit. I forgot about Eastern Europeans.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
If you're if you're straight up like Estonian. Yeah. Or like from from fucking God knows where anything that ends with Stan, you can wear the bucket.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
No, I love Eastern Europeans. They're so cool.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
They're all over the place. They're all different shapes and sizes.
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“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
cigarettes him and yokage really they can wear bucket hats if they want to let them wear a bucket hat i agree they're a bucket on the court let them wear a bucket hat and then and then see here's the thing okay so that that's the bucket hat the fedora i think okay no no not even fedora let's go to wide brim like the wide brim kind of like i'm a cowboy but the brim doesn't go it's just flat not full-on cowboy it's not up cowboy hats are dope i guess yeah we can figure that out later i can see you in a cowboy hat