Jay

I asked her a few follow-ups as she unpacked her things, and we delicately made our way around the topic until it seemed she started to grasp the tiny bits of reality being sprinkled in, and her fangirl tone became a little more balanced. How do you?

I'm sure she was like, could I do that? Totally. Yeah. Deciding not to totally ruin her afternoon, I suggested she go outside and play. As I unpacked her lunchbox, I was once again greeted by an uneaten sandwich. Taking a breath, I went out back and simply asked why she hadn't eaten that day. The usual response ensued, but this time it broke me and exasperation won.

I'm sure she was like, could I do that? Totally. Yeah. Deciding not to totally ruin her afternoon, I suggested she go outside and play. As I unpacked her lunchbox, I was once again greeted by an uneaten sandwich. Taking a breath, I went out back and simply asked why she hadn't eaten that day. The usual response ensued, but this time it broke me and exasperation won.

Skipping the reminder about her health and being able to focus in class, not bothering to mention food waste for the millionth time, I simply held up the rejected sandwich and said, all caps, Do you know who would have eaten this? Anne Frank. Her little face crumbled, and thus one of my worst slash best parenting stories was born.

Skipping the reminder about her health and being able to focus in class, not bothering to mention food waste for the millionth time, I simply held up the rejected sandwich and said, all caps, Do you know who would have eaten this? Anne Frank. Her little face crumbled, and thus one of my worst slash best parenting stories was born.

She's in college now, and we both laugh whenever I humbly tell this story. I'm fortunate to have built great relationships with both kids, thus continuing to dismantle the wicked stepmother trope. But I do still hate wasting food. Winky emoji. Thanks for everything, R. Ugh.

She's in college now, and we both laugh whenever I humbly tell this story. I'm fortunate to have built great relationships with both kids, thus continuing to dismantle the wicked stepmother trope. But I do still hate wasting food. Winky emoji. Thanks for everything, R. Ugh.

We want to hear your fucked up stories because we've told you all of ours.

We want to hear your fucked up stories because we've told you all of ours.

We've done it. We've given it to you. It's your turn at My Favorite Murder at Gmail. If you want to watch this video. Is that it? No. Oh. I thought that was it.

We've done it. We've given it to you. It's your turn at My Favorite Murder at Gmail. If you want to watch this video. Is that it? No. Oh. I thought that was it.

You're mean.

You're mean.

That like sinus clearing feeling. That's insane. Yeah.

That like sinus clearing feeling. That's insane. Yeah.

Okay, now, please. My favorite murder in Gmail. This is all on video that we're going to put up in the fan cult if you want to watch it. Oh, yeah.

Okay, now, please. My favorite murder in Gmail. This is all on video that we're going to put up in the fan cult if you want to watch it. Oh, yeah.

And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?

And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?

Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck. Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo. This episode was mixed by Liana Squalacci.