Jean

Dog got run over. Oh, my God. Wait, sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I don't know. I didn't mean to say that. Rusty, I'm actually sorry about your dog.

Yeah, that was pretty bad. Well, what do you guys think the emergency is?

What?

You pay a guy a new pitch, you pay a guy to just follow you around. Stalker.

Chapel definitely didn't know what was happening.

Do the remote.

Go do that. Sorry, baby face.

That was horrible. I would go home and cry.

I don't know who he is either.

And you can see the moment that she notices her.

I don't think I knew that either.

Or a dad who's on a bike ride.

Why?

Wait, where was this at?

Somebody sent them.

She's coming.

Oh, like a pint?

He's wearing our... For our audio listeners, he's wearing our new Playdate merch.

There it is. It is very comfortable. I'm not normally a long-sleeve person, and I love it, so...

Go buy it.

I think never got allowance. I don't believe that for a second. What was it?

i had never had allowance i i have been i've been working since the age of like 10 i was i was babysitting legal no i started babysitting like as soon as i could illegal started making all my own money did you know lauren lauren's family has like a ton of oil money yes and uh i think it's blood diamond money isn't that true

Oh. What?

They own that company.

I did not grow up very rich.

This right now looks insane.

It looks so good.

No, you didn't really talk about it.

We just have this whole conversation.

Isn't it so depressing, though?

How did that remind you of Perks?

Was it all fuzzy?

Whoa.

That's kind of sick that you got chosen.

I was going to ask if both your siblings did it too.

Well, isn't she kind of a freak for that?

Wait, I'm so sorry.

I was like kind of a little demon in second grade. Not a demon, but I feel like there were a lot of misunderstandings. Like I remember, no, actually this was first grade where I guess I like threatened, not threatened, but I tried to cut off my, someone in my class's like fingers with scissors or I like joke that I was gonna, I was like, I'm gonna cut off your pinky.

And then the teacher like got me, I wasn't actually gonna. I just thought it was funny to say that I was. And I didn't. But then I got pulled down the hallway for that. And then in second grade, I remember in the lunch line, this was kind of mean, I guess. I said to my friend, Catherine, that this girl, Jen's style was bad. And she was standing right behind me. So she heard.

Oh, hell yeah. I was like, who the hell?

Did she have bad style? Maybe. What were you wearing? Probably something cool. No, I'm kidding. That makes me sound like a bitch. What grade were you in? It was like second grade.

Can you explain?

I don't even think I knew that.

I honestly think that's how they did it for us, too.

rat there's wait there that's for sure like an animal right in our studio no oh will it's like a gal is there a horse on the ceiling no i like can't be in here we have a horse what the hell is that what do you think it's actually in the studio no no it's in like the pipes

Yeah.

I kind of went on a mega lot when I was a kid.

Like probably, but it was, we'd be like, oh my gosh, ew, and like freak out and scream. I love that.

But then we also, oh, no, I know. No, me and my friends actually went on all the time in middle school. What were you going to say after? Just that, yeah, we'd be, like, freaked out, but we would stay on it forever and then, like, eventually come across, like, people that you would actually have conversations with. It was always so funny. I don't know.

It's just, I don't know. It's sad.

We gotta change topics here. I, like, need to, like, cut all this.

I don't think people want to listen to that.

I know you're going to try to prank me because I just saw you go.

Okay.

No, I didn't hear that.

I don't really care.

I was like, come on, man. We could eat that shit. What about what's her face?

The one who's a little bit bigger.

No, you know the one I'm talking about?

Yeah, but then Kate goes, is it in the studio? I swear I saw something this morning.

In our producer chat, I just said I think there's an animal running around in the ceiling.

Oh, yeah, your sister's.

Play that theme music, Lauren. Come on. Give us a pitch. Okay. This is from Ryan. And it's a very interesting spelling. It is R-H-Y-A-N. She says... That's fun. Hi, Sharkboy, Lavagirl, and Lauren. What is the worst part about eating... Lavagirl. Sharkboy. What is the worst part about eating a popsicle?

Needing to set it down, but not having a place to put it.

Introducing popsicle stand, a kickstand similar to the one on a curling iron, but on your popsicle stick. What's on a curling iron? It's basically just like a little, two little things that come up and you can like stand.

When you need to set it down, flip that bad boy out and place it on surface of your choice. No need to worry about dust bunnies, hair, or unknown contaminants. Grab it, flip it, back up, and start licking without any of the germs. Sincerely, one of the gals. Yes, I like this a lot.

Speaking of ghosts... Me and Mia saged our new apartment and opened all the windows and the doors so we got all the bad vibes out if there were any. And then she had a dream last night where I came and woke her up and we walked out in the living room and there were like ghosts walking around and I'm scared that we need to sage again.

Yeah.

Well, it's just.

for me it's more just like a spirit like it's like energy like i believe in that i don't i like it yeah i want you to stand up for it yeah i'm putting your feet to the fire nobody but but you saying like believe in like i don't really look at it as i don't know i just i just think it's like a nice practice to do and it like feels like cleansing our house around yourself good

That's cute. What were we talking about? Popsicle stands.

In Venice.

it's on venice boulevard oh that's the haunted part oh what that's fine you know the first couple nights in a new apartment are always hard to fall asleep oh no my bed is so insanely comfortable and i've but it doesn't feel like a home until like week two i feel like no it's already a home we we like crushed it no i'm not kidding you our living room already looks so cute i'm gonna let a ghost out in your house no it's all we need is all we need is like wall art and then we're done

it looks great all right pitch us again lauren throw us a curveball you thanks ryan yeah i love that pitch by the way love the pops one of my favorite ones in a while it's practical yeah all right next one is from grant melon pardon remember grant melon is the next one from grant melon grant what's wrong with that awesome yeah it's a great name grant melon with two l's thanks or grantel melon grantel yeah

Hey, Lauren and the comrades, have you ever wondered what kind of music the car that is driving next to you is listening to?

Well, do I have just the thing for you. Introducing the Highway Harmony 9000, the device that lets you listen in on the song that's playing in whichever car you choose. It uses a super Bluetooth signal to transmit the radio waves of another car into the speakers of yours. Don't like the song? Just turn the knob and tune in on the BMW that's going 95 miles an hour

in the fast lane or the lovely elderly woman going at a dangerously low speed your car ride will never be boring with the highway harmony device who knows the car next to you might just be playing your new favorite song have we had this before or just something really similar no just like another car thing

No, that's not what it is. This is just, it'll see what they're listening to.

That's not the lyrics. With a dream in my cardigan.

No, it's not.

Definitely Party Hands. The other day when I was driving home, the car next to me was Blasting Aston Martin music. Do you guys know that song?

It's such a good song.

Yeah. Some deaf, deaf punk is absurd, but they're cool.

um oh i was just saying that i loved getting to hear they were playing that because i hadn't heard that song in so long and i was like oh my god and then i turned it on and then i just was vibing and i'm like this is great they see did you show them that you played it as well no they i think i was turning right and they were stopping at the light but nice well you can turn right on red but not in new york city that's true why

I actually like this.

Rusty, if you don't like white noise, check out Pink Noise.

No, no, they're all different. They actually sound... No, I promise you they sound different.

White Noise, what is it, like an episode of Seinfeld? Brown Noise.

what are those shoes that look like little like canoes little like kayak shoes oh yeah canoe shoes like swedish people wear them really clogs uh elf boots no they're like look up claws like these kind of but oh yeah like these that's what those are clogs that's the definition of a clog oh yeah let's just do those then

Oh, your dad lived in Manhattan Beach?

My uncle lived there.

I wonder if they were ever friends.

That's like a cute story. Not a happy ending. Well, I guess it's still happy.

Why do we keep going back to these pervy conversations?

Him.

Well, wait. We were just having a good conversation, then you had to bring up happy endings.

Oh, wait. You guys, I have a pitch. Oh! Ayo!

I wrote this down last week, so hopefully it's good because I haven't looked at it in a while. Okay. My pitch is a little box that you put your phone in once you get in your car, and you're not allowed to start the engine until it is locked in there. I think this has the potential to decrease car crashes by a large percentage.

Realistically, it will only work with cars that have car play, so your directions can still be in front of you.

Well, that's my point. I feel like this would only work if you have a car that can use that kind of system.

You're not allowed to. And I thought of this. I probably wrote this down while I was driving. Oh, nice.

yeah but you bike maybe you should put you can't actually you have your hands full today i was biking with no hands to work because it was cold you can do that i'm good i can do that too i missed my bike i wish i had a bike here now that i have a balcony i might get a bike my bike from san brad's house not your bike brian baker's bike you borrowed a bike for two weeks and then it got stolen yeah yeah but didn't the office pay for that bike anyway yeah

What are you going to say about this, Anna?

I know that makes me like sad.

No, he heard him laughing. I need to tell him to tell his dad. Tell him to tell his dad right now.

I feel like a southern dad is scary. From now on, I feel like we should only do moms.

Oh, never mind.

What does he look like in the newer ones?

Guess what? I bet this guy rocks today.

translate that yeah no but it's like it's gorgeous yeah i like that when it's interesting it says in the caption to the song they're singing is a map of where they're walking to which guides them through the forest and helps them not to lose their way oh nice very cool beautiful all right this is

Yeah, I'll go. Cool. My friend Haley sent me this video the other day of these guys that I thought... Did it get deleted? Oh, no. That's so sad.

I feel like you guys would like these guys. I just thought this was beautiful.

Me?

No. My mom is probably. Actually, no. My mom probably turned it off at minute 15 when you guys started being freaks.

No, I'm. No, seriously.

Someone commented.

Someone commented and said that a homeless person would be better than me because I ruined all the fun.

Oh, I like that. But this is a Wednesday episode.

I'm gonna steal one of the grandparents from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. No, I haven't.

When?

Willy Wonka. Oh, I do want to see A Complete Unknown with Timothee Chalamet this weekend. Caitlin saw it and said it was really good.

Hmm?

Well, I moved this weekend, and I'm exhausted.

We want to have a wig party on the 15th.

Wig.

You always have. No one ever visits me.

That's like... I feel like the one chili and soups is the one thing that you can have for like two weeks. Two weeks of Skyline?

Wait, he doesn't want you to go on it? Yeah, it was really strange.

No, I heard the shatter.

Well, you know why we figured out he loves Auburn is because he's kind of known as, like, the village knucklehead. Do you know what I mean? Like, Cougar was telling me, tell him about the cops.

Yeah, shout out. But I also think that, listen, I think that Tony Johns is a bit of a local menace, right? He's not necessarily.

He's not a malicious guy, but he's a menace. And I bet you the whole village knows that, oh, here he comes. He's going to jerk off in the bathroom again. Here comes Tony. So they kind of, you know.

Jeans and Mike. Even the title on that was a banger.

Don't get arrested. Yeah.

This is the question everybody's been wondering.

Also, keep in mind, we've tried calling him every week for the last three episodes.

How do these cool guys have multiple phone numbers?

How can they afford like four lines?

Jeans and Mike.

I have one phone number.

I don't know our phone numbers either. No, I know mine. I don't know yours.

Please leave your message.

What are you, dumb Josh?

Stupid.

That old-timey torture in the middle of the town square. What is it called, you guys? Stocks.

Sexy.

It can't be that comfortable to be in the stock.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Hey, can I ask you, have you had any black guys come around lately?

No, this seems like a very common fantasy, though.

Oh, shit. Did you at least get to, you know, have sex with him before?

This one makes, it's like intuitive. Not the standing one, obviously, but, you know.

I feel like they probably did have just open on people in the stocks, right? I'm sure. I never read about it.

Oh, okay.

Oh, my gosh, Robert. This is amazing.

Okay, as long as it's in the morning like this, we're okay.

Can I tell you something? So I'm into watching Fantasy Island, that old show from the 80s with Mr. Rourke and Tattoo, the little midget.

Try it out. He goes, as long as it's in the morning like this, it's like 1230 his time.

It's not the morning remotely. He's just resting.

He's resting. Did he always have a cat?

Me neither. That was never a concern, but I'm happy.

Well, this is very exciting.

Did you ever in your wildest dreams imagine Tony Johns with Robert Paul Champagne and Alexis Fox?

This is so good.

Babe, we're making so many dreams come true.

I can't believe it.

I'm sorry, little person. And it is so funny because people's fantasies are so lame. Like this one couple shows up to Fantasy Island and they want to live. You're watching this bullshit? I love it. I watch it while I'm on the treadmill.

There's no better feeling than killing the enemy.

My mom and I used to watch this bullshit every Saturday night in the 80s. Did you watch this with your mom? You never watched this shit when you were a kid?

So good.

Definitely.

Well, it also matters the team that you've assembled. You really found some like-minded weirdos to work on this with you. Top to bottom. You could see Rob Eiler is in that.

See, this is when three years between us makes a difference.

There's a lot of stars, a lot of people.

Tons of people.

I mean, you got...

But anyway. Mom and I, Saturday night, Fantasy Island. The point of the story is there's a couple that comes to the island and they're like, Mr. Rourke, our fantasy is to live in a more moral time. They don't want to live in the depravity that was 1980. Oh my God. And Mr. Rourke gives them a warning like, You may not enjoy it so much as you think. It might be a little different than you expect.

That's so good. And you know what's great, too, is these thoughts, these awful thoughts have been marinating as long as I've known you.

And it's so cool to see them now out there in the world. Yeah. There's so many jokes and so many ideas that are in there from 20 years.

It's cool that you got to do them all. And it looks fucking amazing.

But it helps. It helps to have the same sensibility.

But if you're a fan, you'll be happy to see some stuff in there.

But before that, can I just plug my lipsticks? Get it in time for Mother's Day.

Yep. ChristinaP.com. Get all four colors. Get the perfect four. Buy it now in time for Mother's Day. Get them right now, right now, right now.

Are we really going to watch the full gay scene? I'm so excited. What?

Because we were wondering how... Oh, Jesus. But Tom and I are wondering how he goes from what to sucking his dudes.

Yeah.

Wow, that was so sudden. It was like... I feel like we missed a few beats here.

So it was involuntary.

Well, now all three of them are banging in and all of those cars.

It's really interesting. I don't know about this mechanic shop.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. All these workplace orgies and stuff getting away. It's pretty cool, man. It is pretty cool. Yep. Speaking of cool. Yeah. Have you seen our homeboy from the Rolling Stones, Mick Jagger, got married? Oh, nice. Yeah. You want to check out his bride?

No, silly. He's 81 and she is 37. That's cool. That works.

Do you have the cool guy riff we can play? Sure. Yeah. This is so cool. They look so happy together. They do.

How long could it have been?

He looks happy as shit there. No, he's always happy. He's a fucking Mick Jagger. But hey, good for him. At least he's marrying her and they can have kids. There's nothing worse than when a guy just uses up your best years and then spits you out. He took her best fertile years, but then he's going to knock her up, right?

So they're back to puritanical times. They create a village. It's so expensive to go to Fantasy Island. First of all, I don't know how these people are affording it because it's a whole thing.

I don't know. Let's do some research.

Maybe she has children.

With Mick Jagger.

So that is a longtime partner.

But you know what? He hasn't been sure about her this whole time.

Made an honest woman out of her. Why do you think it took him an entire, he was on the fence for a decade with this girl?

Any center thoughts?

But real talk.

Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, man. I want you to be brutally honest with me with dudes like that dragging their asses for a decade on a woman. What the fuck is wrong? What is going on there?

They're not sure about her or not sure they want to be married or both?

Just have one beaver.

Can I tell you the point?

Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, I know. But if you're abroad that wants to have kids.

Which is what they should do is just get out of there if you want to have children and the whole thing. So Mick Jagger is a cool guy marrying his 37-year-old longtime partner. He started when they were 26. He's 81. Yeah. On the flip side of this, you have an actual cool guy. Like, I mean, a genuine person like Keanu Reeves.

So they go back to puritanical times and they're putting people in the stocks and punishing them and then they decide they don't want any puritans anymore.

Who is dating an age appropriate woman. Yeah. And he gets so much shit.

Yes. Like online people are like, oh, my God, she's got gray hair. She's so old. And it's like, well, yeah, it's age appropriate. That's. Yeah.

She's great. And there's pictures of them eating in restaurants, like laughing and having the best time. And like, they're very happy.

Yeah.

I don't know. How old is she?

And how old is Canoe?

Maybe like 60. Okay. She is eight years younger. But that's still the proper ballpark. God, he looks so great. He's so fit for 60. 60.

No.

But see, Canoe is half Asian. So he's got that Asian blood that keeps you young forever.

But do you think he's had work?

Maybe a little, yeah.

The right amount.

Absolutely. If you're on a big screen and people are looking at your big dumb head.

You know who's had really good work done?

Gwynny Peltro.

She apparently had the bottom lifted, and you can see because of the ears, you know? Mm-hmm. That, and then she had the blephs, which is I'm going to have my upper blephs done in July. You guys are going to get to see me all fucking weird looking. Yeah. But she looks great. She has the right amount of weight. I'm not going to do that. I'm just getting my eyelids trained. How are you doing?

It fucking sucks.

My eyelids are drooping. I can't wait. But she looks fantastic. She's just a few years older than me.

Full.

Yeah.

It's great to be back on stage. Like Liberace, that Liberace movie when he couldn't close his eyes to sleep.

And you just... people and just take away... Got it.

Yeah. Oh, Tom Cruise looks great too.

That's ridiculous.

Impossible.

No, he takes good care of himself.

All these celebrities, they all get facelifts. They're all doing all this kind of shit to their faces.

Hold on. There's a priest in the town and he... This girl got married when she was 13 and then her husband died at 15 and she's 15 and he wants to bang her and it's so awful.

I'll tell you, man, Gen Pop, when I was getting my colonoscopy, when I'm in these doctor's offices for all my blood work and all his MRIs and stuff, Gen Pop does not look good, man. I mean, I'm looking at people in the future and I'm like, This is what happens when you don't take care of your body, and you must start really taking care of yourself in your 40s.

It's crucial.

You've already got diabetes and problems.

Keep doing what you're doing.

That's the message.

Your sister gives your mom shit for drinking or doing things, and I'm like, don't give her shit. She's 80 years old. Let her eat cake and wine for dinner. Who cares?

Who cares? And she's in great health. She doesn't have any health problems.

How long do you want her to go? Until 100? No.

And she's in great health, so let her ruin it now. Now's the time. Right? Don't start eating salads now when you're 80 and you've been eating like a toddler your whole life.

She did do Pilates with Jane and me like two months ago and she did it. We were afraid that she'd fall off the machine and stuff. Like everybody was nervous, but she did it.

She hasn't gone back yet, but... Yeah.

Good genetics though, Jane.

Let's hope you get...

Don't say that. It's true.

You know, I think about my DNA, like I had bad luck with the breast cancer stuff. But my dad, on the other hand, is a roach. He never had a green vegetable, never drank water in his life. Just booze and like horseradish and sausage. Fine, fine, fine.

Yeah, dude, he's gonna be 80s. Fine. I just pray that he gets some of that.

I feel like Ricardo Montalban... could not not get laid. Because he's so smooth and so handsome.

No, all of it is. My oncologist, I was like, hey, what's the common denominator with people you see that have cancer? She goes, nothing, nothing, luck. She's like, people who smoke their whole lives won't get lung cancer. Somebody who's never smoked will get lung cancer.

She goes, actually, the only thing you can do is be an asshole. She goes, assholes live forever. And I'm like, that's fucking so true.

She might, dude. She might.

I know.

Because she's been threatening that shit like, I'm going to die soon since I've known her for 20 years now.

I'm going to die.

Yeah, put that mortality in your head already as a kid. That doesn't help.

No, you don't know that.

I love that Miss Pat has the balls to ask that.

Yeah, she's great, man.

We got to get her to move out to Austin when she's got family and shit.

You know, the LPs kind of do that. The ones in showbiz. Yeah. Yeah, they party. They can party.

For people just listening, he's in a Dayglo bodysuit, and these are his tunes.

This is the guy.

He's not too old. No. Are you kidding me? No fucking way, man. This feels fresh as fuck, dude.

Probably. That's like his outfit, his show. You know, we all wear shit on stage that makes you feel more funny.

This definitely makes him feel sexier and activated. Fuck yeah.

mm-hmm we just had one here we did brad but brad's not a big part you know why they can't he was a big party guy but they can't because their bodies can't really they still party dude drink alcohols he used to party pretty hard i know so did chewy bravo but this guy i think he had a mean streak this guy seriously can you find any it's like footage of him yelling at people any hervey village has stories

Wait, do you think that's true, though, that you can't start a music career past 30? Are there any examples of it?

Moby. Moby's old as fuck.

All is forgiven. I like it. It's very catchy.

And I actually like Dayglo thing, the glow in the dark shits.

Can I tell you, though, in today's world, you never know. This song could take off on TikTok.

And people could be memeing that shit, and then he could get a fucking record deal now.

No.

Start in your 50s. There are people I follow on TikTok who are like elderly people and they're so rad. They come up with crazy stuff.

What are you thinking?

Are you thinking about what?

You'd be like Rick Root, but Rick Rubin.

Oh, I don't like that at all. I like the lyrics and the words. Cause there are songs where the beat is cool, but the words are so dumb. I tap out.

I can't.

You know what? You would write a song about roogies. You love them so much. I love my roogies. It's suck on them all day long. Rookies in my mouth. Put them in my butt. You should put them in your butt. It's roogie time. Yeah. Boy, you and those roogies. The kids want to try the roogies too.

Let your kids try roogies.

Do you know? Because it sounds hard.

But it's not.

Yeah. Yeah.

Tome.

Did you drink them before you dosed?

Bro, you were on your way to a significant problem.

Yeah. You were doing 14 mixed drinks.

You were on your way.

No, hold on. So screwdrivers, when I was 13, Jenny Pentland taught me what a screwdriver was. And we would make them in my house when my parents were gone and drink them in the jacuzzi.

It's funny that they both chose Latin people to star in Fantasy Island.

I'd be like, it's a fucking screwdriver. And that was the first drink. And then you learned, well, Zima was in college.

Oh, Strawberry Hill. Boone's Strawberry Hill was high school. Did you drink that?

Seven and seven. Okay. So once you start, so I did those in college. Once you puke seven and seven, that phase ends.

It's just like the Bacardi phase. The first time you vomit that shit, you're done with Bacardi.

I was just going to say that.

So Long Island's I discovered like first year.

You can't understand a lot of what he says.

Because they were cheap, right? Yeah. Because you could get one Long Island iced tea for $13 and then you'd be ripped. And there was a couple places that would serve minors, Casa Vega.

in the valley and the dresden room and we would go there and they would give you long island iced teas when you were like 18 years old oh shout out to casa vegas still around probably enjoying the free plug they serve minors thanks for the underaged booze i'm sure they don't do it anymore but in the late 90s that was fucking fire dog

Yeah. Like he's accent boss. Like he told a little. He can't understand what he says. I have to subtitle it because I can't understand what he's saying most of the time.

I didn't have to do it either. No, the Dresden room, this is before it became cool from that movie Swingers.

Because tits got me to buy cigarettes when I was 13 at the time to buy a liquor store off Newcastle and Ventura Boulevard. I would wear my bikini top in when I was 13 and go-go boots and a skirt and the guy would always sell me cigarettes and that's how I got booze. And then...

beer in high school i think we had a plug like i think somebody's brother got us beers yeah and then you go to the nightclub we go to like helter skelter the goth club park in the parking lot across the street drink our beers in the parking lot and then go into the club with a fake id

Oh, 7 and 7. And then Cosmopolitans.

When that came out, Sex and the City came out, and then all the girls were drinking. They're like pink, foofy drinks. And you get fucking shitty on these a few times, and then you're done with the Cosmo phase.

Those are good.

They're not sweet.

It's not sugar. Sugar is what gives you the big, big hangovers.

Gin and tonic.

Wow. A little fucker.

Hell yeah.

Poor Oso's on the rocks with just some lime is so good. And it doesn't have that burning shit.

It's just like clean. So good.

But you know what? At the end of my drinking career, it was just wine because all this stuff is like, I can't, dude. I know. I can't metabolize this shit.

Why are they all black?

Oh, yeah.

The rot?

Yeah, you can't.

What does she want the sound of? The purge?

Would you guys stop laughing? You're encouraging him. Don't encourage him.

Yeah, but everybody knows she's shitting. She's a big girl. There's no fucking mysteries. She's not quiet enough.

No, they know. And I know when you shit because, oh my God, the other morning you were in there. And I've noticed this about you, but I haven't articulated it, is that you're always like, oh. Like you make... Grandpa sounds when you're shitting.

That's what you do. That's your sound. And you do it out loud. I'm right next to you. You're not embarrassed that I would hear you go... No, I want you to know that I feel good in there. Oh, I noticed.

I just, I don't know. I guess we're built different though.

Okie dokie. I do that, but I don't know. I think I'd be embarrassed if I made a sound like that.

Yeah. I got a whiz too.

No, he had to, can we listen to him speak? He's not, yeah, it wasn't good. And between him and Montalban, I don't know how America.

I think it's a birthmark.

Why don't you want to go into the fucking portal?

You don't want to make manifestations happen now?

She doesn't look high.

No.

Why don't you open your fucking mind?

Yeah.

What is wrong with you? You're so closed-minded. How do you know she can't really?

You know what? You and I, this is where we digress. We go different directions. I'm all into this now. Okay. I want to see the portal.

Yeah, exactly. A tattoo.

Okay, so hold on.

Oh, we should. It's got V-shaped bangs, high above the ears, and then a sweet, long rat tail.

It's not a rat tail, then.

It's like a...

These two retards spend money at Disney everything. And they're childless. So again, low IQ adults with no children going to fucking Disneyland and eating and drinking all this sugar loaded crap. And they're so pumped to give Disney their money. It's ridiculous. Every post is like, we just spent, we bought the limited edition mug. It's like, what are you doing?

Yes. So I love these two women so much. I DM'd them and I was like, I love everything about this.

Fuck, I forget.

Yeah, it's not around us. Right, that was my mace. I know. And they were like, yeah, if we open in Austin. I'm like, please. You just lay in a hammock and somebody brushes your hair?

I mean, that's a pretty kick-ass stick, dude.

What is wrong with you today?

You don't believe in the spirit world. You don't believe in alien portals. What the fuck, dude? Do I even know you anymore? Okay.

I guess we have Disney adults doing food reviews now I've never I've never had those Have you had those? Honey buns? She seems to like them very much They look frozen and then you're supposed to heat them up Her face looks frozen There's something going on there Something dead inside I like watching honey buns What? Oh my god

Yeah. I definitely think this could be me.

Now she's getting a pedicure, a manicure, and he's following her there.

He watches her eat.

You don't understand what's happening here.

So that's her on the phone. Do you sense a theme here? Is that he really likes videoing... Her. Her.

It's an entire account that this guy... Just films her? Dedicates to her. Filming her.

Why don't you take a little lesson from him?

I'm just saying you could worship me a little bit more. You could take videos of me lovingly a little bit more.

I have a feeling. I mean, look, you're in another culture. They are not as sensitive as we are.

So to see like big American women, it's going to be shocking.

Yeah.

They weren't in Japan, maybe. You want more pressure? That's more this, isn't it?

Linebacker. You play for Cowboy. And I know it because when I was in Korea, they were like, oh, you're too big. They thought I was too big. Because I was like, I think I went to shop for a bra or something. And they were like, oh, no, no big size for you. And I was like, thank you. So they just laugh at you in your face.

Well, they don't think it's a croc. They might think it's people because they're on their back with the hands up. Look at it. No, I'm serious.

What?

He's imitating people. See?

If you don't know that the croc's in there, you might think that's a human.

I bet there's some weird hands on that motherfucker I know shit I might think it's a human and jump in really I might be like is there a kid in there like if I didn't know there were crocs in the water that is so crazy I would think it's like a kid or a severely disfigured this must have happened by the way yeah look a few times like like look at that that looks like a hand yeah yeah oh no oopsie crocs like dumb motherfucker yeah yeah

Okay, that's awesome. Yeah, luring in the tourists.

I've never heard him doing that.

She's from retarded Ireland.

Different country.

It's so long.

You're welcome. I thought you'd like her.

Buy my lip shits.

My eyeglasses are so dirty every time I put them on.

I need new ones. My prescription is up.

Bye, Mommy.

That was a stupid question. Who's coming, those balls?

Yeah. But don't you like how people were just so direct in 1978? She's like, I don't let people ask me about my fake life. My fake life.

I mean, look, he made the 80s. Hervé Villachez was huge.

You guys are going to run 5,000 miles?

Look at my cool blood draw. Oh, nice. Can you take it off now? It's only been like an hour.

Okie dokie.

You good job. Good job your mother. Okay. All right.

Uh-oh. I know he's going to.

Come on, man.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Almost as though he doesn't know they're gay.

Down your knees and beg like a bitch.

Are you out of your fucking mind? What? Tom, you do it. What does he say? What's the lead in line? Get on your knees and fucking beg.

Okay, ready? You get on your knees and fucking beg like a bitch.

Oh, my God. That was so good. You're such a good actor, dude. Thank you. Yeah.

What? Yeah, I have a feeling he gets on his knees and begs. What?

You don't buy it.

I know, because he took it so high emotionally. And he needs to bring it down.

I know. And how do we see him change his mind? Yeah. What's the evolution?

Yeah. I agree.

Speaking of scene work, you know, Tony Johns.

It's happening. He has two weeks to make it to Las Vegas.

That's what we're debating. So here's all he has to do in the next two weeks because he has to get his tests. Right. So which means he can't have sex with anybody.

Yeah, but the reason is he goes to court today. Isn't that right? Is Cougar there? Cougar knows his whole whereabouts. Or Josh, who knows the court date?

Cougar knows, yeah.

What if we call him and he answers?

He does that, yeah.

Best song ever made.

But here's the deal, man. You know, New York, it has those laws like squatters rights laws. It's a lot harder to evict people like in California.

I'm thinking New York might give him like a 30 day grace period, which will get him to Vegas at least. So what else, Cougar?

I wish we could have played that at our wedding, but it wasn't made yet.