Jean
Appearances
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I don't know. I didn't mean to say that. Rusty, I'm actually sorry about your dog.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Yeah, that was pretty bad. Well, what do you guys think the emergency is?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
You pay a guy a new pitch, you pay a guy to just follow you around. Stalker.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Chapel definitely didn't know what was happening.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
And you can see the moment that she notices her.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
He's wearing our... For our audio listeners, he's wearing our new Playdate merch.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
There it is. It is very comfortable. I'm not normally a long-sleeve person, and I love it, so...
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I think never got allowance. I don't believe that for a second. What was it?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
i had never had allowance i i have been i've been working since the age of like 10 i was i was babysitting legal no i started babysitting like as soon as i could illegal started making all my own money did you know lauren lauren's family has like a ton of oil money yes and uh i think it's blood diamond money isn't that true
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I was going to ask if both your siblings did it too.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I was like kind of a little demon in second grade. Not a demon, but I feel like there were a lot of misunderstandings. Like I remember, no, actually this was first grade where I guess I like threatened, not threatened, but I tried to cut off my, someone in my class's like fingers with scissors or I like joke that I was gonna, I was like, I'm gonna cut off your pinky.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
And then the teacher like got me, I wasn't actually gonna. I just thought it was funny to say that I was. And I didn't. But then I got pulled down the hallway for that. And then in second grade, I remember in the lunch line, this was kind of mean, I guess. I said to my friend, Catherine, that this girl, Jen's style was bad. And she was standing right behind me. So she heard.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Did she have bad style? Maybe. What were you wearing? Probably something cool. No, I'm kidding. That makes me sound like a bitch. What grade were you in? It was like second grade.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I honestly think that's how they did it for us, too.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
rat there's wait there that's for sure like an animal right in our studio no oh will it's like a gal is there a horse on the ceiling no i like can't be in here we have a horse what the hell is that what do you think it's actually in the studio no no it's in like the pipes
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I kind of went on a mega lot when I was a kid.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Like probably, but it was, we'd be like, oh my gosh, ew, and like freak out and scream. I love that.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
But then we also, oh, no, I know. No, me and my friends actually went on all the time in middle school. What were you going to say after? Just that, yeah, we'd be, like, freaked out, but we would stay on it forever and then, like, eventually come across, like, people that you would actually have conversations with. It was always so funny. I don't know.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
We gotta change topics here. I, like, need to, like, cut all this.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I don't think people want to listen to that.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I know you're going to try to prank me because I just saw you go.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I was like, come on, man. We could eat that shit. What about what's her face?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Yeah, but then Kate goes, is it in the studio? I swear I saw something this morning.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
In our producer chat, I just said I think there's an animal running around in the ceiling.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Play that theme music, Lauren. Come on. Give us a pitch. Okay. This is from Ryan. And it's a very interesting spelling. It is R-H-Y-A-N. She says... That's fun. Hi, Sharkboy, Lavagirl, and Lauren. What is the worst part about eating... Lavagirl. Sharkboy. What is the worst part about eating a popsicle?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Needing to set it down, but not having a place to put it.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Introducing popsicle stand, a kickstand similar to the one on a curling iron, but on your popsicle stick. What's on a curling iron? It's basically just like a little, two little things that come up and you can like stand.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
When you need to set it down, flip that bad boy out and place it on surface of your choice. No need to worry about dust bunnies, hair, or unknown contaminants. Grab it, flip it, back up, and start licking without any of the germs. Sincerely, one of the gals. Yes, I like this a lot.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Speaking of ghosts... Me and Mia saged our new apartment and opened all the windows and the doors so we got all the bad vibes out if there were any. And then she had a dream last night where I came and woke her up and we walked out in the living room and there were like ghosts walking around and I'm scared that we need to sage again.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
for me it's more just like a spirit like it's like energy like i believe in that i don't i like it yeah i want you to stand up for it yeah i'm putting your feet to the fire nobody but but you saying like believe in like i don't really look at it as i don't know i just i just think it's like a nice practice to do and it like feels like cleansing our house around yourself good
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
That's cute. What were we talking about? Popsicle stands.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
it's on venice boulevard oh that's the haunted part oh what that's fine you know the first couple nights in a new apartment are always hard to fall asleep oh no my bed is so insanely comfortable and i've but it doesn't feel like a home until like week two i feel like no it's already a home we we like crushed it no i'm not kidding you our living room already looks so cute i'm gonna let a ghost out in your house no it's all we need is all we need is like wall art and then we're done
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
it looks great all right pitch us again lauren throw us a curveball you thanks ryan yeah i love that pitch by the way love the pops one of my favorite ones in a while it's practical yeah all right next one is from grant melon pardon remember grant melon is the next one from grant melon grant what's wrong with that awesome yeah it's a great name grant melon with two l's thanks or grantel melon grantel yeah
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Hey, Lauren and the comrades, have you ever wondered what kind of music the car that is driving next to you is listening to?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Well, do I have just the thing for you. Introducing the Highway Harmony 9000, the device that lets you listen in on the song that's playing in whichever car you choose. It uses a super Bluetooth signal to transmit the radio waves of another car into the speakers of yours. Don't like the song? Just turn the knob and tune in on the BMW that's going 95 miles an hour
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
in the fast lane or the lovely elderly woman going at a dangerously low speed your car ride will never be boring with the highway harmony device who knows the car next to you might just be playing your new favorite song have we had this before or just something really similar no just like another car thing
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
No, that's not what it is. This is just, it'll see what they're listening to.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
That's not the lyrics. With a dream in my cardigan.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Definitely Party Hands. The other day when I was driving home, the car next to me was Blasting Aston Martin music. Do you guys know that song?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Yeah. Some deaf, deaf punk is absurd, but they're cool.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
um oh i was just saying that i loved getting to hear they were playing that because i hadn't heard that song in so long and i was like oh my god and then i turned it on and then i just was vibing and i'm like this is great they see did you show them that you played it as well no they i think i was turning right and they were stopping at the light but nice well you can turn right on red but not in new york city that's true why
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Rusty, if you don't like white noise, check out Pink Noise.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
No, no, they're all different. They actually sound... No, I promise you they sound different.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
White Noise, what is it, like an episode of Seinfeld? Brown Noise.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
what are those shoes that look like little like canoes little like kayak shoes oh yeah canoe shoes like swedish people wear them really clogs uh elf boots no they're like look up claws like these kind of but oh yeah like these that's what those are clogs that's the definition of a clog oh yeah let's just do those then
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
That's like a cute story. Not a happy ending. Well, I guess it's still happy.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Why do we keep going back to these pervy conversations?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Well, wait. We were just having a good conversation, then you had to bring up happy endings.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Oh, wait. You guys, I have a pitch. Oh! Ayo!
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I wrote this down last week, so hopefully it's good because I haven't looked at it in a while. Okay. My pitch is a little box that you put your phone in once you get in your car, and you're not allowed to start the engine until it is locked in there. I think this has the potential to decrease car crashes by a large percentage.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Realistically, it will only work with cars that have car play, so your directions can still be in front of you.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Well, that's my point. I feel like this would only work if you have a car that can use that kind of system.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
You're not allowed to. And I thought of this. I probably wrote this down while I was driving. Oh, nice.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
yeah but you bike maybe you should put you can't actually you have your hands full today i was biking with no hands to work because it was cold you can do that i'm good i can do that too i missed my bike i wish i had a bike here now that i have a balcony i might get a bike my bike from san brad's house not your bike brian baker's bike you borrowed a bike for two weeks and then it got stolen yeah yeah but didn't the office pay for that bike anyway yeah
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
No, he heard him laughing. I need to tell him to tell his dad. Tell him to tell his dad right now.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I feel like a southern dad is scary. From now on, I feel like we should only do moms.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
translate that yeah no but it's like it's gorgeous yeah i like that when it's interesting it says in the caption to the song they're singing is a map of where they're walking to which guides them through the forest and helps them not to lose their way oh nice very cool beautiful all right this is
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Yeah, I'll go. Cool. My friend Haley sent me this video the other day of these guys that I thought... Did it get deleted? Oh, no. That's so sad.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I feel like you guys would like these guys. I just thought this was beautiful.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
No. My mom is probably. Actually, no. My mom probably turned it off at minute 15 when you guys started being freaks.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Someone commented and said that a homeless person would be better than me because I ruined all the fun.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Oh, I like that. But this is a Wednesday episode.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I'm gonna steal one of the grandparents from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. No, I haven't.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Willy Wonka. Oh, I do want to see A Complete Unknown with Timothee Chalamet this weekend. Caitlin saw it and said it was really good.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Well, I moved this weekend, and I'm exhausted.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
That's like... I feel like the one chili and soups is the one thing that you can have for like two weeks. Two weeks of Skyline?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
Wait, he doesn't want you to go on it? Yeah, it was really strange.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, you know why we figured out he loves Auburn is because he's kind of known as, like, the village knucklehead. Do you know what I mean? Like, Cougar was telling me, tell him about the cops.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, shout out. But I also think that, listen, I think that Tony Johns is a bit of a local menace, right? He's not necessarily.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's not a malicious guy, but he's a menace. And I bet you the whole village knows that, oh, here he comes. He's going to jerk off in the bathroom again. Here comes Tony. So they kind of, you know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Jeans and Mike. Even the title on that was a banger.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Don't get arrested. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
This is the question everybody's been wondering.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Also, keep in mind, we've tried calling him every week for the last three episodes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
How do these cool guys have multiple phone numbers?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
How can they afford like four lines?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Jeans and Mike.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I have one phone number.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I don't know our phone numbers either. No, I know mine. I don't know yours.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Please leave your message.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What are you, dumb Josh?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Stupid.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That old-timey torture in the middle of the town square. What is it called, you guys? Stocks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Sexy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It can't be that comfortable to be in the stock.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Hey, can I ask you, have you had any black guys come around lately?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, this seems like a very common fantasy, though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, shit. Did you at least get to, you know, have sex with him before?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
This one makes, it's like intuitive. Not the standing one, obviously, but, you know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I feel like they probably did have just open on people in the stocks, right? I'm sure. I never read about it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, my gosh, Robert. This is amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay, as long as it's in the morning like this, we're okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Can I tell you something? So I'm into watching Fantasy Island, that old show from the 80s with Mr. Rourke and Tattoo, the little midget.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Try it out. He goes, as long as it's in the morning like this, it's like 1230 his time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's not the morning remotely. He's just resting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's resting. Did he always have a cat?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Me neither. That was never a concern, but I'm happy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, this is very exciting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Did you ever in your wildest dreams imagine Tony Johns with Robert Paul Champagne and Alexis Fox?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
This is so good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Babe, we're making so many dreams come true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I can't believe it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I'm sorry, little person. And it is so funny because people's fantasies are so lame. Like this one couple shows up to Fantasy Island and they want to live. You're watching this bullshit? I love it. I watch it while I'm on the treadmill.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
There's no better feeling than killing the enemy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
My mom and I used to watch this bullshit every Saturday night in the 80s. Did you watch this with your mom? You never watched this shit when you were a kid?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Definitely.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, it also matters the team that you've assembled. You really found some like-minded weirdos to work on this with you. Top to bottom. You could see Rob Eiler is in that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
See, this is when three years between us makes a difference.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
There's a lot of stars, a lot of people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Tons of people.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I mean, you got...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But anyway. Mom and I, Saturday night, Fantasy Island. The point of the story is there's a couple that comes to the island and they're like, Mr. Rourke, our fantasy is to live in a more moral time. They don't want to live in the depravity that was 1980. Oh my God. And Mr. Rourke gives them a warning like, You may not enjoy it so much as you think. It might be a little different than you expect.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's so good. And you know what's great, too, is these thoughts, these awful thoughts have been marinating as long as I've known you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
And it's so cool to see them now out there in the world. Yeah. There's so many jokes and so many ideas that are in there from 20 years.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's cool that you got to do them all. And it looks fucking amazing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But it helps. It helps to have the same sensibility.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But if you're a fan, you'll be happy to see some stuff in there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But before that, can I just plug my lipsticks? Get it in time for Mother's Day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yep. ChristinaP.com. Get all four colors. Get the perfect four. Buy it now in time for Mother's Day. Get them right now, right now, right now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Are we really going to watch the full gay scene? I'm so excited. What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Because we were wondering how... Oh, Jesus. But Tom and I are wondering how he goes from what to sucking his dudes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Wow, that was so sudden. It was like... I feel like we missed a few beats here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So it was involuntary.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, now all three of them are banging in and all of those cars.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's really interesting. I don't know about this mechanic shop.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. All these workplace orgies and stuff getting away. It's pretty cool, man. It is pretty cool. Yep. Speaking of cool. Yeah. Have you seen our homeboy from the Rolling Stones, Mick Jagger, got married? Oh, nice. Yeah. You want to check out his bride?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, silly. He's 81 and she is 37. That's cool. That works.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Do you have the cool guy riff we can play? Sure. Yeah. This is so cool. They look so happy together. They do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
How long could it have been?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He looks happy as shit there. No, he's always happy. He's a fucking Mick Jagger. But hey, good for him. At least he's marrying her and they can have kids. There's nothing worse than when a guy just uses up your best years and then spits you out. He took her best fertile years, but then he's going to knock her up, right?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So they're back to puritanical times. They create a village. It's so expensive to go to Fantasy Island. First of all, I don't know how these people are affording it because it's a whole thing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I don't know. Let's do some research.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Maybe she has children.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
With Mick Jagger.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So that is a longtime partner.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But you know what? He hasn't been sure about her this whole time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Made an honest woman out of her. Why do you think it took him an entire, he was on the fence for a decade with this girl?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Any center thoughts?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But real talk.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, man. I want you to be brutally honest with me with dudes like that dragging their asses for a decade on a woman. What the fuck is wrong? What is going on there?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
They're not sure about her or not sure they want to be married or both?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Just have one beaver.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Can I tell you the point?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, I know. But if you're abroad that wants to have kids.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Which is what they should do is just get out of there if you want to have children and the whole thing. So Mick Jagger is a cool guy marrying his 37-year-old longtime partner. He started when they were 26. He's 81. Yeah. On the flip side of this, you have an actual cool guy. Like, I mean, a genuine person like Keanu Reeves.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So they go back to puritanical times and they're putting people in the stocks and punishing them and then they decide they don't want any puritans anymore.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Who is dating an age appropriate woman. Yeah. And he gets so much shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yes. Like online people are like, oh, my God, she's got gray hair. She's so old. And it's like, well, yeah, it's age appropriate. That's. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She's great. And there's pictures of them eating in restaurants, like laughing and having the best time. And like, they're very happy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I don't know. How old is she?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
And how old is Canoe?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Maybe like 60. Okay. She is eight years younger. But that's still the proper ballpark. God, he looks so great. He's so fit for 60. 60.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But see, Canoe is half Asian. So he's got that Asian blood that keeps you young forever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But do you think he's had work?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Maybe a little, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
The right amount.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Absolutely. If you're on a big screen and people are looking at your big dumb head.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You know who's had really good work done?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Gwynny Peltro.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She apparently had the bottom lifted, and you can see because of the ears, you know? Mm-hmm. That, and then she had the blephs, which is I'm going to have my upper blephs done in July. You guys are going to get to see me all fucking weird looking. Yeah. But she looks great. She has the right amount of weight. I'm not going to do that. I'm just getting my eyelids trained. How are you doing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It fucking sucks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
My eyelids are drooping. I can't wait. But she looks fantastic. She's just a few years older than me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Full.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's great to be back on stage. Like Liberace, that Liberace movie when he couldn't close his eyes to sleep.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
And you just... people and just take away... Got it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. Oh, Tom Cruise looks great too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's ridiculous.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Impossible.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, he takes good care of himself.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
All these celebrities, they all get facelifts. They're all doing all this kind of shit to their faces.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Hold on. There's a priest in the town and he... This girl got married when she was 13 and then her husband died at 15 and she's 15 and he wants to bang her and it's so awful.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I'll tell you, man, Gen Pop, when I was getting my colonoscopy, when I'm in these doctor's offices for all my blood work and all his MRIs and stuff, Gen Pop does not look good, man. I mean, I'm looking at people in the future and I'm like, This is what happens when you don't take care of your body, and you must start really taking care of yourself in your 40s.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's crucial.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You've already got diabetes and problems.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Keep doing what you're doing.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's the message.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Your sister gives your mom shit for drinking or doing things, and I'm like, don't give her shit. She's 80 years old. Let her eat cake and wine for dinner. Who cares?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Who cares? And she's in great health. She doesn't have any health problems.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
How long do you want her to go? Until 100? No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
And she's in great health, so let her ruin it now. Now's the time. Right? Don't start eating salads now when you're 80 and you've been eating like a toddler your whole life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She did do Pilates with Jane and me like two months ago and she did it. We were afraid that she'd fall off the machine and stuff. Like everybody was nervous, but she did it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She hasn't gone back yet, but... Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Good genetics though, Jane.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Let's hope you get...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Don't say that. It's true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You know, I think about my DNA, like I had bad luck with the breast cancer stuff. But my dad, on the other hand, is a roach. He never had a green vegetable, never drank water in his life. Just booze and like horseradish and sausage. Fine, fine, fine.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, dude, he's gonna be 80s. Fine. I just pray that he gets some of that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I feel like Ricardo Montalban... could not not get laid. Because he's so smooth and so handsome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, all of it is. My oncologist, I was like, hey, what's the common denominator with people you see that have cancer? She goes, nothing, nothing, luck. She's like, people who smoke their whole lives won't get lung cancer. Somebody who's never smoked will get lung cancer.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She goes, actually, the only thing you can do is be an asshole. She goes, assholes live forever. And I'm like, that's fucking so true.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She might, dude. She might.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I know.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Because she's been threatening that shit like, I'm going to die soon since I've known her for 20 years now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I'm going to die.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, put that mortality in your head already as a kid. That doesn't help.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, you don't know that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I love that Miss Pat has the balls to ask that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, she's great, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
We got to get her to move out to Austin when she's got family and shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You know, the LPs kind of do that. The ones in showbiz. Yeah. Yeah, they party. They can party.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
For people just listening, he's in a Dayglo bodysuit, and these are his tunes.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
This is the guy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's not too old. No. Are you kidding me? No fucking way, man. This feels fresh as fuck, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Probably. That's like his outfit, his show. You know, we all wear shit on stage that makes you feel more funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
This definitely makes him feel sexier and activated. Fuck yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
mm-hmm we just had one here we did brad but brad's not a big part you know why they can't he was a big party guy but they can't because their bodies can't really they still party dude drink alcohols he used to party pretty hard i know so did chewy bravo but this guy i think he had a mean streak this guy seriously can you find any it's like footage of him yelling at people any hervey village has stories
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Wait, do you think that's true, though, that you can't start a music career past 30? Are there any examples of it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Moby. Moby's old as fuck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
All is forgiven. I like it. It's very catchy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
And I actually like Dayglo thing, the glow in the dark shits.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Can I tell you, though, in today's world, you never know. This song could take off on TikTok.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
And people could be memeing that shit, and then he could get a fucking record deal now.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Start in your 50s. There are people I follow on TikTok who are like elderly people and they're so rad. They come up with crazy stuff.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What are you thinking?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Are you thinking about what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You'd be like Rick Root, but Rick Rubin.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, I don't like that at all. I like the lyrics and the words. Cause there are songs where the beat is cool, but the words are so dumb. I tap out.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I can't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You know what? You would write a song about roogies. You love them so much. I love my roogies. It's suck on them all day long. Rookies in my mouth. Put them in my butt. You should put them in your butt. It's roogie time. Yeah. Boy, you and those roogies. The kids want to try the roogies too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Let your kids try roogies.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Do you know? Because it sounds hard.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But it's not.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Tome.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Did you drink them before you dosed?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Bro, you were on your way to a significant problem.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. You were doing 14 mixed drinks.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You were on your way.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, hold on. So screwdrivers, when I was 13, Jenny Pentland taught me what a screwdriver was. And we would make them in my house when my parents were gone and drink them in the jacuzzi.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's funny that they both chose Latin people to star in Fantasy Island.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I'd be like, it's a fucking screwdriver. And that was the first drink. And then you learned, well, Zima was in college.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, Strawberry Hill. Boone's Strawberry Hill was high school. Did you drink that?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Seven and seven. Okay. So once you start, so I did those in college. Once you puke seven and seven, that phase ends.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's just like the Bacardi phase. The first time you vomit that shit, you're done with Bacardi.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I was just going to say that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So Long Island's I discovered like first year.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You can't understand a lot of what he says.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Because they were cheap, right? Yeah. Because you could get one Long Island iced tea for $13 and then you'd be ripped. And there was a couple places that would serve minors, Casa Vega.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
in the valley and the dresden room and we would go there and they would give you long island iced teas when you were like 18 years old oh shout out to casa vegas still around probably enjoying the free plug they serve minors thanks for the underaged booze i'm sure they don't do it anymore but in the late 90s that was fucking fire dog
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. Like he's accent boss. Like he told a little. He can't understand what he says. I have to subtitle it because I can't understand what he's saying most of the time.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I didn't have to do it either. No, the Dresden room, this is before it became cool from that movie Swingers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Because tits got me to buy cigarettes when I was 13 at the time to buy a liquor store off Newcastle and Ventura Boulevard. I would wear my bikini top in when I was 13 and go-go boots and a skirt and the guy would always sell me cigarettes and that's how I got booze. And then...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
beer in high school i think we had a plug like i think somebody's brother got us beers yeah and then you go to the nightclub we go to like helter skelter the goth club park in the parking lot across the street drink our beers in the parking lot and then go into the club with a fake id
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, 7 and 7. And then Cosmopolitans.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
When that came out, Sex and the City came out, and then all the girls were drinking. They're like pink, foofy drinks. And you get fucking shitty on these a few times, and then you're done with the Cosmo phase.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Those are good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
They're not sweet.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's not sugar. Sugar is what gives you the big, big hangovers.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Gin and tonic.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Wow. A little fucker.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Hell yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Poor Oso's on the rocks with just some lime is so good. And it doesn't have that burning shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's just like clean. So good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But you know what? At the end of my drinking career, it was just wine because all this stuff is like, I can't, dude. I know. I can't metabolize this shit.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Why are they all black?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
The rot?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, you can't.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What does she want the sound of? The purge?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Would you guys stop laughing? You're encouraging him. Don't encourage him.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, but everybody knows she's shitting. She's a big girl. There's no fucking mysteries. She's not quiet enough.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, they know. And I know when you shit because, oh my God, the other morning you were in there. And I've noticed this about you, but I haven't articulated it, is that you're always like, oh. Like you make... Grandpa sounds when you're shitting.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's what you do. That's your sound. And you do it out loud. I'm right next to you. You're not embarrassed that I would hear you go... No, I want you to know that I feel good in there. Oh, I noticed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I just, I don't know. I guess we're built different though.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okie dokie. I do that, but I don't know. I think I'd be embarrassed if I made a sound like that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. I got a whiz too.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No, he had to, can we listen to him speak? He's not, yeah, it wasn't good. And between him and Montalban, I don't know how America.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I think it's a birthmark.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Why don't you want to go into the fucking portal?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You don't want to make manifestations happen now?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She doesn't look high.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
No.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Why don't you open your fucking mind?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What is wrong with you? You're so closed-minded. How do you know she can't really?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You know what? You and I, this is where we digress. We go different directions. I'm all into this now. Okay. I want to see the portal.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, exactly. A tattoo.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay, so hold on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, we should. It's got V-shaped bangs, high above the ears, and then a sweet, long rat tail.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's not a rat tail, then.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's like a...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
These two retards spend money at Disney everything. And they're childless. So again, low IQ adults with no children going to fucking Disneyland and eating and drinking all this sugar loaded crap. And they're so pumped to give Disney their money. It's ridiculous. Every post is like, we just spent, we bought the limited edition mug. It's like, what are you doing?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yes. So I love these two women so much. I DM'd them and I was like, I love everything about this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Fuck, I forget.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, it's not around us. Right, that was my mace. I know. And they were like, yeah, if we open in Austin. I'm like, please. You just lay in a hammock and somebody brushes your hair?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I mean, that's a pretty kick-ass stick, dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What is wrong with you today?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You don't believe in the spirit world. You don't believe in alien portals. What the fuck, dude? Do I even know you anymore? Okay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I guess we have Disney adults doing food reviews now I've never I've never had those Have you had those? Honey buns? She seems to like them very much They look frozen and then you're supposed to heat them up Her face looks frozen There's something going on there Something dead inside I like watching honey buns What? Oh my god
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. I definitely think this could be me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Now she's getting a pedicure, a manicure, and he's following her there.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He watches her eat.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You don't understand what's happening here.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So that's her on the phone. Do you sense a theme here? Is that he really likes videoing... Her. Her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's an entire account that this guy... Just films her? Dedicates to her. Filming her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Why don't you take a little lesson from him?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I'm just saying you could worship me a little bit more. You could take videos of me lovingly a little bit more.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I have a feeling. I mean, look, you're in another culture. They are not as sensitive as we are.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
So to see like big American women, it's going to be shocking.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
They weren't in Japan, maybe. You want more pressure? That's more this, isn't it?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Linebacker. You play for Cowboy. And I know it because when I was in Korea, they were like, oh, you're too big. They thought I was too big. Because I was like, I think I went to shop for a bra or something. And they were like, oh, no, no big size for you. And I was like, thank you. So they just laugh at you in your face.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Well, they don't think it's a croc. They might think it's people because they're on their back with the hands up. Look at it. No, I'm serious.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He's imitating people. See?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
If you don't know that the croc's in there, you might think that's a human.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I bet there's some weird hands on that motherfucker I know shit I might think it's a human and jump in really I might be like is there a kid in there like if I didn't know there were crocs in the water that is so crazy I would think it's like a kid or a severely disfigured this must have happened by the way yeah look a few times like like look at that that looks like a hand yeah yeah oh no oopsie crocs like dumb motherfucker yeah yeah
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay, that's awesome. Yeah, luring in the tourists.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I've never heard him doing that.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
She's from retarded Ireland.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Different country.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's so long.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You're welcome. I thought you'd like her.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Buy my lip shits.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
My eyeglasses are so dirty every time I put them on.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I need new ones. My prescription is up.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Bye, Mommy.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That was a stupid question. Who's coming, those balls?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. But don't you like how people were just so direct in 1978? She's like, I don't let people ask me about my fake life. My fake life.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I mean, look, he made the 80s. Hervé Villachez was huge.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You guys are going to run 5,000 miles?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Look at my cool blood draw. Oh, nice. Can you take it off now? It's only been like an hour.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okie dokie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You good job. Good job your mother. Okay. All right.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Uh-oh. I know he's going to.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Come on, man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Almost as though he doesn't know they're gay.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Down your knees and beg like a bitch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Are you out of your fucking mind? What? Tom, you do it. What does he say? What's the lead in line? Get on your knees and fucking beg.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Okay, ready? You get on your knees and fucking beg like a bitch.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Oh, my God. That was so good. You're such a good actor, dude. Thank you. Yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What? Yeah, I have a feeling he gets on his knees and begs. What?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
You don't buy it.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I know, because he took it so high emotionally. And he needs to bring it down.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I know. And how do we see him change his mind? Yeah. What's the evolution?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah. I agree.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Speaking of scene work, you know, Tony Johns.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
It's happening. He has two weeks to make it to Las Vegas.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
That's what we're debating. So here's all he has to do in the next two weeks because he has to get his tests. Right. So which means he can't have sex with anybody.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Yeah, but the reason is he goes to court today. Isn't that right? Is Cougar there? Cougar knows his whole whereabouts. Or Josh, who knows the court date?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Cougar knows, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
What if we call him and he answers?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
He does that, yeah.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
Best song ever made.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
But here's the deal, man. You know, New York, it has those laws like squatters rights laws. It's a lot harder to evict people like in California.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I'm thinking New York might give him like a 30 day grace period, which will get him to Vegas at least. So what else, Cougar?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Tom Has Some BAD THOUGHTS | Your Mom's House Ep. 808
I wish we could have played that at our wedding, but it wasn't made yet.