Jelly Roll

And he was like, because then if anything ever goes wrong, I know I can throw 250 pounds over my shoulder and I can fire him and carry you out of somewhere.

And I was like, what a sweet soul that you have secretly been looking at me all these years.

Like, what if something happens to the jelly and I can't get them up?

You know what I mean?

Like what a just genuine swell.

Like I didn't realize how much my weight was affecting everybody.

No, I could feel it happening.

Like, I was scared of the way I would sleep in certain positions.

Like, I would have nightmares that I was going to die.

Stop breathing.

That if I rolled the other way, I'd suffocate myself.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, it's possible.

It was just, you know.

I rolled over one time on my stomach, and I was so fat that the way I rolled over, I trapped my left arm under me.

And my right arm almost wasn't strong enough to get me up enough to let the left arm loose.

Oh, my God.

I'm panicking like you're suffocating like I'm gonna die right here because I just physically don't have enough strength in one arm to get me from you know you roll over like this to get me up off of my other arm I can tell you right now I can do 20 push-ups though that's amazing I know it don't sound like a lot to the listener but from where I'm coming from big deal you know what I'm saying I'm in better shape than Bert Kreischer for sure you know what I'm saying I love you Bertie boy

I will say this to him and Tom, boy, they better bring their A game to the 5K this year.

Don't look up and I look like Tanner or Truett Haynes running with fucking jeans on.