Jess

And I remember sitting there waiting for his dad to bring the car around with no one around, just looking at him in his car seat, this tiny, tiny little bundle and thinking...

Could I leave him right now?

I convinced myself I'm as bad as her, even though I've got the baby there, I'm breastfeeding the baby.

Did she feel like this?

Did she have this disconnect right from word go?

So it dragged up these feelings that I was not expecting.

So that's when it started again for me because I banked it and I really put it away.

I really thought I'd handled it, but it dragged it up.

So she's like, oh, we need to do your DNA.

And I was like, oh, I don't want to.

I don't want to know.

One message can just explode everything.

It was too much.

It was so much to take on.

Like, just that message alone is sort of shattering.

Because I've absolutely convinced myself all my life that is too extravagant, it's too ridiculous to pretend to find a baby when you've actually given birth.

I remember her going, you've got to do your DNA now, you have to do it.

Like, it's got to be her, it has to be her.

When Jess finally does the test, it feels quite mundane, really.

It was just spitting into a tube.