Jessica Smetana
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
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Also, you have to wait so long for the elevator.
I thought you were saying a different one.
This man's whole gig is having flawless skin and being muscular.
This is a very Radio Row-y clip. There's a product placement. What is that? There's a train going over us right now.
I don't like downtown Miami. I'm just going to throw that out there.
No, that's not a plane, Chris. That's something in the air ducts. I don't know what, but something.
The local business owners, though, don't. I guess it's mixed. Some of them lose a lot of business now.
South of 23rd Street, I think.
If you have to say it, you're not famous enough to talk your way out of it.
If I may, I think generally this makes me sad. However, it does remind me of the best Reno 911 clip of all time, which is the drunk DUI stop where the officer and the drunk guy are doing a dance routine. And then at the end, he says that he's drunk. It's so good. She's like, are you a dancer? And he's like, no, I'm just drunk. And she's like, ah.
No, please stop.
Well, yeah, the algorithm's not like, ooh, you must really love and agree with this. The algorithm's like, ooh, here's him spending more time on this type of content. I'm just going to keep feeding it to him, spoon feeding it over and over and over.
Yeah, I think the married person lesson is sometimes you do things you don't want to do, and sometimes they do things they don't want to do.
And you find the compromise.
Then, yeah, I could see why it didn't work out.
I think it depends on how the run was. I didn't experience the run, so I can't say.
I'm not watching those kids.
I always think of that one cult in Oregon that put listeria in the salad bar. And like, what if some freak accident happened and someone just like put a little drip of some bacteria in the salad bar? It happened one time and I saw it in a Netflix documentary. Are you anti-buffet? No, I'm pro. I eat buffets all the time. But I feel like I'm rolling the dice every time.
No, but I do think about it.
It's just close to mind when I think about Kool-Aid. I'm like, I think about the cult. You're like, Jonestown. Yeah. Terrible, terrible thing.
Also, if you don't like kids and germs, you're halfway there.
Yeah.
What? !
I remember in the Dracula book, he's on a ship, Dan. Doesn't he take a ship to England?
He coaches in the NFL now?
Oh, look at that.
We can't have an eighth.
Isn't it a Spike TV? Wasn't that the channel that used to replay all the Bonds around Christmas time? This is the best time of year to watch all the Bond movies. There's usually TV marathons.
Yeah, but there's nothing like turning on cable over the Christmas vacation and just seeing seven Bonds in a row.
Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars.
I have a hot take about Timothee Chalamet on game day. I'm a big Timothee Chalamet fan. Love his work with all of Greta Gerwig's films.
He's a 28-year-old man, and people were losing their minds that he knew anything about football. I'm sorry. Since when do we just assume theater kids don't watch any sports? He lives in New York. He probably gambles on the weekends on the MAAC championship game like we all do.
Ohio spanked Miami.
Oh, I did. Tell us.
I asked Elvis.
No, but they told him to do the Elvis accent the whole time.
Dan, did you like Elvis?
All I'm saying is that if any other 28-year-old man were on college game day and was doing college football picks, you guys wouldn't be like, oh my God, he knows football?
No, Lordy, duh.
The one who was dating Sabrina Carpenter. We were all on the same page as David. It ended badly. Yes. You could say that again.
Say it again.
That's fine. Hateful Eight's a terrible movie. She doesn't like Hateful Eight.
We would have not even watched it.
Roy, did you play it on your cruise ship?
Ah, you can't handle the truth.
He was on Survivor, of course. This is very of his genre.
Don't they have a beef going back to like 2021 when Jimmy's agent called him like an ambulance chaser or like a clickbait chaser or something like that? Like they have, this is a longstanding feud.
Am I remembering this right?
And everything's going through Shams right now, right? Because Woj is not in the game anymore. So he's getting a ton of this information. He probably got a lot of sources that were people that were going for Woj. My question is, why don't the Heat just be like, nope, not true. Shut it down.
Oh, is he from the Kraven movie? The New Bond. I found out.
I haven't.
Nosferatu. Oh, that's what I know him from. Did you see it? Was it good?
David, enough.
I could see what they were going for.
So are you Team Edward or Team Jacob? Which one's Pattinson?
Neither of you guys know what it is, so you're not allowed to talk about it.
Didn't Warner Herzog make a Nosferatu in the 70s?
Lockett. Lockett in. Lock me, man. Legendary status. That's an NFL legend. I want to be a legend. Sorry, Dan. I want to be remembered.
Which one was your favorite, Billy?
The rainbow cookies.
Oh, those are the butterscotch tahini sesame bars.
Wait a second.
Ollie also reported there was a 400-page manifesto, which apparently was not true. True?
The slow report hasn't even posted it yet.
Inside Carolina did report that the deal was being finalized before ESPN said that the deal was being finalized.
Well, the manifesto piece is crucial. Was there a manifesto or was there no manifesto?
Before Chris farted. Well, because Billy was like, oh, if Taylor can get on Feinbaum, then what is the point of Feinbaum?
Well, he probably didn't want to make Jason do a bunch of extra work.
I thought his Feinbaum appearance was great.
Good job, Taylor.
He broke real legit Bill Belichick going to North Carolina. Biggest college football story of the year, Dan.
He just started ripping Schefter. No, because he called out Schefter, and they said, oh, we got to get this off. Like, we can't do this to one of our partners.
There's a kind of self-awareness from Chris that I love.
Luce.
Lucy, if you change your mind and you want to go to the Notre Dame game, I'm pretty sure I could get you a credential that way. But my tickets are accounted for. I'm sorry.
They weren't doing anything. I think that part's confirmed. The drones haven't hurt anybody. Right. But there are apparently drones in the sky in New Jersey and New York that... And Boston. And like northeast places where they... People on the ground are like, whoa, what is this? These are UFOs.
But this secondary market, the tickets are so expensive for that game. It's going to be 20 degrees. People are going to spend thousands of dollars to sit there in snow. I'm worried about the toll road. Whiteout conditions on the toll road?
I'm excited. I got to do winter coat. It's going to be great. You found one? I did find one.
I'll do a fit check on Friday. I'll send you a video.
I cannot go to Myrtle Beach.
Ooh, Northern Illinois is playing in the Potato Bowl. Hawaii Bowl? Revenge game for me. They do the French fry dump. Yeah.
They hired, like, GE engineers to make it an actual toaster. It's ridiculous. This is the kind of energy we need from bowl sponsors.
Yes, they get it.
Oh, an actual resurrection of a dead body. Wow.
And you're playing a team, Iowa State, that was also one game away from making the playoff. These are two playoff bubble teams. It should be a great game if everyone decides to play, which it sounds like Cam Ward is playing. They keep asking, and he's like, I already said yes, I'm playing.
And then the government's like, no, these are probably just aircraft or like maybe there are some drones, but they're not like foreign drones that are going to kill people, which is what some people think they are.
You're right that it does seem like they play there a lot. But last year they did play actually somewhere else. They played at the Pinstripe Bowl. That was the game they lost to Rutgers. So that one wasn't in Orlando.
Did you vote for him for the Heisman?
He wants to talk about the walking tacos at the University of Texas Stadium.
Yeah, I mean, I think that having a player that you coach, recruit and coach, and then transfers with you, win the Heisman, is just a tremendously huge accomplishment as a head coach. And then having your son, who will probably be a first-round draft pick, in the NFL. I don't know how it gets better than two great players like that. One wins the Heisman, the other is your actual son.
Not only is it going to be difficult to replace that level of production, but also the family dynamic. These are his family. So yeah, great season. Obviously disappointing they didn't end up making the Big 12 championship game. They were close. But huge improvement from last year and two really great success stories.
That was good.
Drone this, drone that. Enough about Virginia Tech football.
I didn't know that. Thank you. Calling a Manning.
They may have a family section. You may be able to get a ticket from a Manning, Lucy.
Do we know him at all?
Do you know him, Dan? Dabo was very excited about the prospect of meeting him at the game on Saturday. He could pull some strings, I think.
Rose can't go. She's out of town. Wait, does Taylor have Matt Brown's number? He probably has Texas connections.
You're listening to DraftKings Network.
While we're talking Heisman, I want to play a clip from our show. This is from September 16th, week three of the season, when Travis Hunter was plus 3,500 to win the award. If we're being honest...
Yeah, I was fine with it. I mean, if I had to vote, which I don't have one, I don't know how one goes about getting one, but I'm interested if anybody who has that power is listening. I would have voted for Gentee, but it's also like... I think you just have to look at it in the sense that Ashton Gentry has had one of the best seasons we've ever seen for a running back in college football.
He was so close to breaking Barry Sanders' record, and he sat out a lot this season because Boise State was blowing people out. It just happened to happen the year that there's a generational talent playing on both sides of the ball. I think either of them would have been a great choice. I would have voted for Gentry, but it's hard to look at Travis Hunter, what he's done,
The fact that he's playing two positions and playing them both incredibly well and say that he doesn't deserve the Heisman. I think this is it was exciting to have a vote where it felt kind of close, though, where you really didn't. I think we kind of knew Travis Hunter was going to win, but like it wasn't just a blowout. We know Jaden Daniels was going to win last year.
And so I'm fine with it either way.
Yeah, I tune in with, like, 20 minutes left because it's, what, an hour-long program and you don't find out the winner until late. Like, I watch enough college football that I know their backstories. I've seen the clips from their families. I've seen the game day specials. So, like, I don't necessarily feel like I'm seeing a whole lot.
And it's also, like, half of it is just them going through all the Heisman winners who showed up. I said, oh, I saw you last year. Yeah. It's cool.
I did think it was cool that Lil Wayne was there. I think everyone should be able to bring a celebrity with them. And it was so funny because Travis Hunter won and was like, I've actually never listened to Lil Wayne before until recently. You're like, well, he's here with you at the Heisman Ceremony.
My favorite Ashton Gentry stat, and there are a lot of them, is that if you just counted his yards after contact, he would be the second leading rusher in the nation behind himself. That's crazy. It's like, I wish that like... I think he is a little bit at a disadvantage playing for Boise State, obviously, for a few reasons.
One of which being that, you know, it's not as easy to find on TV and it's West Coast, so it's late at night. But, like, what he did is literally insane. Like, he had a season we're not going to see again for a long, long time. And I think Jess's point is so great that it's like, if you could do all of that and still not win the Heisman, like, it's just, it's tough.
But it's also like he lost to Travis Hunter, someone who very much also deserved it. Also, I would have voted for Riley Leonard if I had a vote.
This whole administration is just very senior spring right now. Who cares? It doesn't matter. Everything is bad. Why not?
No, it's not the pardon.
Yeah, the pardon's going to his son.
Yeah, I think my dad would teach me a lesson. He'd be like, hey, shouldn't have done all that fraud. I want you to sit and think about what you've done. See you in 20 years.
It's like voting for Jill Stein. Like, what did you accomplish?
I think they celebrated Christmas in the 50s.
No, they taste good. They're not healthy.
But you'd get aggregated. And that's probably what you want for your birthday, right? Only if he's in costume, Lucy. Never mind.
If you want to get aggregated, you got to go on air. What? You got to go. Like just die on air.
It's like a guttural reaction. You just make a noise.
He's not dead. He's not dead.
And then you look at Josh Allen.
The most annoying play. The pocket breaks down. It's like, okay, keep him in the pocket. You don't do that. He gets out of the pocket. It's like, okay, he's running to the sideline. He's going to run out of bounds. He's going to throw it away. Nope. Across his body, darts it 30 yards for a 45-yard reception.
Scamper. No one scampers like Patrick Mahomes.
It's a good scamper.
And hey, defenders. Once he passes the line of scrimmage, you don't have to fall for that deke. He always is like deking somebody.
I'm just saying. I know I would be bad at that, but hey, linebacker that's done this his entire life, learn.
Punching it out? Yeah. If they were sexual punches, then that would be a different story.