Jillian Welsh
Appearances
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I just remember hearing his voice first and then actually looking up from my notebook and just watching him do the scene. And he was so, so good. And he had this really awesome voice. It's like super low and really resonant. And he was really hot, too.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I was immediately more attracted to him than I'd ever felt attracted to anybody before. And I didn't know how to talk to him. I knew that I wanted to talk to him, but I just didn't know how. There is a mix between wanting to be right next to somebody and then run away and hide.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And so I was standing there, and I was getting ready to hail a cab, finishing up the end of a cigarette, and I felt him come up next to me, and... Yeah, he just, it was kind of like, I remember him just like brushing back hair kind of off of my cheek. And it's that moment, you know, where you know that you're actually going to kiss. Like, you just feel it in your two bodies.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And he just so very lightly pressed his lips up against mine. And then it was like an actual deeper kiss. And I know from the outside we made it look good because it very much felt like one of those, like a good stage kiss.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I think that's probably the first time I've ever made out with anybody in the back of a cab. I think I was probably like, this cab driver is here.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
So then I use his bathroom because I've been drinking a lot of beer all night and I'm so nervous. I notice that my hands are shaking in the mirror.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
so nervous and I just like looked myself in the eye and I actually gave myself a pep talk like pointer fingers and dancing in the mirror and being like this is everything you've waited for it's actually happening it's like excitement nervous I believe in you yeah then Jillian encounters the first obstacle in what will turn out to be a very strange night for her and my whole heart just sinks.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I'm not actually gonna be able to have sex with him. I just got my period. I realize that like making out with him in the back of the cab and just like my cigarettes and my leather jacket, you know, it makes me seem like I was this really cool city girl, but the reality of who I am is this very nervous person who grew up very conservative, like very, very conservative
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
It was something that was kind of like... Very hush-hush and not something I was used to discussing openly.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
So I left the bathroom and it was like I stepped out into another world, this like romantic world where he had actually taken a scarf and put it over a lamp so like the lighting was this like orange mood lighting. He didn't have a shirt on and my mind remembers him glistening. He probably wasn't actually glistening but that's how my mind remembers him.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And I remember, like, at first being really into it and then remembering my situation so my mouth does that thing where it curls up a little bit. And we kind of laugh a bit, and he goes in to kiss me again, and I do that thing where I pull away again. And he was so sweet. He was like, wait, what's going on? He noticed it. He read it right away. And was like, we don't have to do this.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I want to be clear. Nothing is expected of you in this situation. We don't have to have sex. And I was like, I want to. I really, honestly, I want to. And I kept trying to think of how am I going to phrase this. I think of this thing that my roommate used to say. She calls it her Aunt Flo. So I look at him and I tell him that my Aunt Flo has just landed and she's very much in town.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And he gets like a little bit confused. He asked me if my aunt has like just arrived at the airport and if I have to go see her or something. So eventually I just, I fess up and I tell him like, no, I have my period. And I'm pretty sure I whispered it. I'm pretty sure I was like, I have my period. And he smiled this like half smile and was like, so. I was like, so? What do you mean, so?
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I felt like I finally understood what it was about. I remember lying there and listening to his heartbeat. Yeah, just like listening to his heartbeat. It's such a comforting sound that I can still hear it so distinctly. And after a while he gets up to go to the bathroom and he kind of like flicks on that little light. She's talking about the lamp by the bed.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
and I turn off that light and he flicks it on again and then I turn it back off. And we have this like little shared moment laughter. And he leaves and I turn the light on again and it looks like a crime scene. There is blood everywhere. This is the first time I had seen so much of my own menstrual fluid. I was afraid of it. I couldn't even fathom what he was gonna think about it.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And then, I don't know how this happened, but my very own red, bloody handprint is on his white wall. Oh, my God.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
He didn't have any water or anything in his room, so I used my own saliva to wipe the bloody handprint off of the wall. Like, out, out, damn spa.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
So I stuff them into my own backpack. What? Were you going to take him? Oh, yeah. Well, I have to get out of there.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I know, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time. All I could think of is that I didn't want him to have to wash these sheets, and I didn't want him to have to clean up my mess, I guess.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And I just, oh, it breaks my heart, but I remember him looking so hurt and so confused. I... I wish that I didn't leave. Like, I wish that I had stayed, but... She didn't.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
Like, then it really hits me that I have stolen this man's sheet. How do you come back from that? How are you not the weird girl who took his bedsheets?
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
So then I'm so inside myself, and I hear this voice being like, ma'am, excuse me, ma'am. And I look up, and in New York, they have this station outside of subway entrances with this folding table, and the NYPD stands behind, and it's a random bag search. No! No!
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I pretend I don't hear them, and I try to, like, exit the subway station. I go, like, a brisk, like, run-walk. Nothing looks more suspicious than trying to avoid a random bag search. I'm short. I'm short. Yep.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I remember him, like—and the subway has such distinct lighting. Like, I just remember him holding up. these sheets, my menstrual sheets of shame, my menstrual sheets of doom. I realized that they didn't look like menstrual sheets of doom, they looked like murder sheets of doom. He asked me to explain it and I just start crying. I can barely get the words out.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I'm just like trying to explain to him like it's my period on those sheets and I stole the sheets from the guy that I was with and I know that that's wrong. Like I know that the actual theft of the sheets is wrong and I promised the officer that I would return them but I just needed to wash them first.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
He comes back, and he gives me an ultimatum. So we can go down to the precinct, and they can file a report, and they've got to keep the sheets just in case it's evidence, you know, and they're going to ask me a bunch of questions and follow up, or... I can take him back to the apartment, the apartment that I just came from, and have my partner corroborate my story. And I had to think about it.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
I honestly gave it a really solid good think. There was a huge part of me that would rather go to the police station than have to go back and show Jeffrey, not only show him these sheets, but also bring the police there. But, you know, my common sense caught up with me of, like, this looks like I've done something very wrong.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And... I just remember being fascinated because without hesitating and almost like in this like stronger voice, he just says menstrual fluid, which is like, you know, I would call my period anything other than what it actually was. So for him to like look a police officer right in the eyes and just say very confidently menstrual fluid, it was just, it sounded so scientific and very grown up. Yeah.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And then I'm alone with Jeffrey. I'm trying to apologize to him, namely for stealing his sheets, but also just for everything, for bringing the police back to his house.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
He told me, I just remember him looking at me and he's like, you're so strange. These are wonderfully strange. Everything that you could possibly think of going wrong went wrong and it all still turned out okay. He still liked me no matter what.
This American Life
638: Rom-Com
And I think that's probably the first time I've ever made out with anybody in the back of a cab.