Jimmy Wissman
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
And it's weight loss that... This is weight loss results that last. They stick around because you get yourself into a lifestyle change.
Oh my, not even an acre.
Good for you, Stephen. You finally pulled it off. You're finally successful at something, you fucking loser.
Two tries in 35 years? How fucking old is he? God damn it.
Oh, fuck. First time he's successful, he's 50.
And she was going to be like that for the rest of her life, even if he didn't do it, because she doesn't know if he's in that joint still. That's she always. Yeah. Didn't escape. Nobody found out yet.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God. Telling her story.
We got teats on the streets, people. Watch out. Real dumb ones.
You're too dumb. You'll do whatever they tell you to do.
We don't know because it hasn't been sold in a long time.
Teeters don't stay in Connecticut, right? She can't afford Connecticut.
They're out there.
Yeah, it's going so fast.
Grand Rapids very close.
It's extreme, yeah.
This week's executive producers are Jordan Bennett. Happy birthday, Jordan.
They are moving back to England. That's bananas.
Good luck with that. Robin Hanaberry, happy birthday as well. Zach Bowles in Philly and Ashton Wilcox, thank you all so much for what you're doing. Thank you. Other producers this week are Peyton Meadows, The Land of Voodoo, Hoodoo, and all kinds of weird shit. What is that from?
Voodoo, voodoo, and all kind of weird shit.
Yeah, it sounds like a hillbilly. Is it the guy that hates Pedro Serrano?
I don't know. Buttered Toast Legion president Jonathan Phipps said hello, James.
He said the buttered toast people are going to get mad. Happy Hour checking in in Memphis. Like an Autistic Child IG page. I don't know what that is. Okay. Don't like them too much. I'm not co-signing on it.
I don't know anything about it. Janice Hill. Amanda Potter. Oh, what is this? Octavio. Escamillo, Hotavio, or Octavio? I don't know which that is. Octavio, Octavio. A bad speller. Not so old Martha. What is it? Pierrick? Is that real? Pierrick? Is that a name?
Nestor Barragan, Kern with no last name, Kali Gianniados. Yeah, that. Geoniadis. Something Greek. Let's just say that. Gareth Schneider. Crystal H. Stephen Mancuso. Anon Omos. You know what I mean. Alice Francis. Seth Tarcelli. Allie Watts. JC. The letters J, N, C. Megan Skeel. Maybe it's Megan. Lisa Press. J and D. The letters J and D. Sam Lowe. Ronikeve. Ronikeve.
That is a first name or a last name. Ronnie Cave. All right. Patrick Dobbins. Jason B. Haley Kruiser. Alexandra. Alexandra. Marie Turley. Turledge. Turley. That's Russian. All right. Charlotte Gervais. Caleb with no last name. Josie Zavala. Jennifer Stark. Stephen C. Kristen Taylor. Paul John. Hannah Barron. Kitcha Halloran. Meredith Hahn. Big Al Fitticale. Chris. Chris. Chris Hayward.
Amber with no last name.
Jan Valdezales. Valdezales. Saliche. Farm Junkie. Nice Lady. Ben Harden. Amy A. Ruby with no last name. Ken with no last name. Berber Sirsema. Terry Martin Miller. Jason Welcher. Todd with no last name. Jason Willis. Wilson. God damn it. Michelle Thomas. Chris Mosier, Chastity, Chastity. That's only one T. Chastity or Chastity? No, Chastity Smith.
All right.
Or maybe it is Chastity with an H in there for no fucking reason at all.
Jen King, Nicole Cochran, Hannah Johnson, Melissa A., Tyler with no last name, Jennifer Pienkowski, Jason Constant, Kim Bayer, Ian Arsenault, Cassie with no last name, Mick Jagger, probably not, Stephanie Witten. If it is, he should have sent me more than five fucking dollars, you cheap bastard, Mick.
Stephanie Witten, Rachel Santana, Jan Sommer. Oh, it's Jan. Jan Sommer. Stevie Mack, Ryan Sparks, Steve Peterson, Matthew Anderson, Jill Womack, Tima Wilson, Ronald Morton, Jade O'Hare, Karen Sprouse, Wendell Helm Jr., Pete Petticone. Pete Petticone. Carlo Ferraroni. Ferraroni. Delane. Delane. Ferraroni. Delane Ellison. Shady 307. A 320 driver. Annie. Annie. Annie Bailey. The Wolves.
That's the Wolves, you guys. You can't do an F. That's against... English tradition. Moxie Goodwitch, Jenny Michalski, Elizabeth Seavey, Robert Lorenzoni, Megan Good, Heather. Holy fucking shooting.
Schoenertaler. Wow. Whiskey smoker, Michelle Bozen. James likes Big Nuts. I'll bet you he doesn't. How about that? Somebody probably just heard. Remember, there was probably a sentence that you said you like Big Nuts. Had to be. Why else would somebody want me to say that to you? Jenny Bates. Claire Calder. Kurt Burkhart. Burkhart. Truck Butters. Adam Stockton. Fake Packers.
Faith Powers, Stephanie Riley, Brittany Hall, Alicia Douglas, David Adams, Egan with no last name, Melissa Burrows, Heath Peters, Maris Ann Carmichael, Mikey Mindy, Mindy Bird, Jess Barup. Jamie McGinnis. This is getting tough. Matthew Ford. Carolyn Green. C. Match. Jerry. Gary, maybe. Tulio. Sandy with no last name. Kayla with no last name. Katie Roach. Shannon Martin. Cass at Bodgarra Mill.
Bodgarra. Beverly Rosan. Katie Chandley. Kate Eiten. Maddie Ruder. Candy Nybert, Rose Logan Surgeon, Charlie Boland, Kelly Sullivan, Erica Copeland, Cheyenne with no last name, Victoria Summer Samar, Michelle with no last name, Tabitha Daly, Matthew Boyer, Don and Brett in Florida, and all of our patrons. You guys are the best. Thank you. Thank you so much, everybody.
Bye.
You're not getting radio play with your band called Poon Tickler, right?
Have it stamped like black flag. You can't miss black. You know what that says.
I think I've heard of them, too.
I've definitely heard of it. Well, I don't know.
I swear I've heard of them.
I'm pretty sure that's in the Bible.
Oh, no.
Why are they making weed smoking for basic bitches?
She doesn't know who he is, but she can see him standing. And two other and somebody else.
Yeah, it's an extreme circumstance.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
On the back of his bike and off they went.
Well, it's New Hampshire. Live free or die.
Yeah.
Got something with seatbelts, you dumb fuck?
Yeah, you've got a car to do, right?
Maybe that's the allure of a guy on a motorcycle. It's like, oh, he also has a motorcycle. What if he only has a motorcycle?
That guy touches the rain.
The wind will blow that semen right in there.
Especially if it rains, fuck.
I didn't even ever think about that, really. I just got a motorcycle. Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The more bills that go unpaid, the higher the sperm count.
It's just both. You don't have to be a good guy to buy anything.
Now back to the show.
Yeah.
New York is chock full of those fucking things.
So many colleges.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Insecure.
Yeah. Feels inferior because he's got something happening somewhere.
Aims that headlight toward something better.
Oh, is that right?
That's typical thing.
So that works pretty, pretty chill.
That's going to carry over into the rest of his life, huh? Crazy.
Sometimes you got to get hit.
Whether it's by life or whatever.
Sometimes you've got to get kicked in the mouth to figure it out.
Yeah.
Send a Marine up to a shipyard.
It's the equivalent of an eight-year-old being put in the corner.
That's, yeah, that's really pushing the edges.
I remember when my uncle got one, dude, it was like, good Lord, what's wrong with you?
Where are you going to go, man?
We were the reaper.
You better fear the reaper.
My grandparents figured it out.
Ownership with the marriage license.
Part of the course for a scumbag on a motorcycle.
That's the guy.
Sucking it off the saddleman.
Oh, little neppo baby.
It's the low rung in that Nepo baby.
Right. It's also you've got to be personally invested and willing to fucking evolve and get better. Because if you're given the opportunity, you've got to capitalize.
Oh, Chicago's almost done, too.
If the pay raise just means you buy bigger amounts of coke, that's not good.
I've heard they're really tough on him.
She climbed the truck?
Climbing on the side of a front end loader.
Get on the roof and start breakdancing.
I just watched it recently. That's why.
Ice Cube's rap is so bad. It's so crazy how bad he is.
Ice-T. Did I say Ice-Q?
Yeah, and he does dress like a good punk rock rapper. He's good at punk rock.
What town in Maine?
No. And he just got fired from his dad's joint.
Steve, if she's behind him, he can't hit her.
What's below our feet? You guys ever think about that?
It's probably one of the last choices, but it's still a choice.
Oh, my.
She's incapable of being that.
Steve's got some social issues. He's frustrated by a lot of things and It comes out in name-calling and violence.
So frustrating. It's so sad.
Right.
Who the fuck doesn't?
The worst.
So his wife. So hang out with him.
And it's sometimes it's refreshing as much as it's frightening that somebody sees what's going on, recognizes it and is able to name it.
I mean, without you knowing that you're offering that as something up.
That's.
That's super fucked up.
He can't even work for whoever just bought the company.
What the fuck?
That's such a weird thing to do.
Eat at home because we're not waiting for you anymore.
You can read, right?
They're terrific.
Now back to the show.
If they're not upstanding, they're probably just guys that they don't worry about.
What the hell went on?
Right.
Okay.
Yeah. New York?
Oh, jeez.
Yeah, what's going on? Why is he able to get in contact?
Well, why is that, James?
Surveillance on the lunchroom at their work.
Where everybody has access to.
Something like whatever somebody just microwaved.
Some leftovers from the night before.
Yeah, you could sleep your way to the top then.
Who knows way too much that isn't true and also just knows too much.
So now, you know, it's spring cleaning in August.
A few times, he said.
Around.
Yeah. Well, Larry said it's not violent.
They put in a relationship.
What did he say that made black eyes? Okay.
Yeah.
It lasts until there's frustration.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Is it bad again?
Oh, Lord.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's earned it.
It's a full house.
It's just a full house. It's crowded.
She said he tried to choke me.
Thought it was hyperbole? I mean, rose-colored glasses? What are you doing?
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There might be a little booze fun from weekend to weekend.
Okay.
And you're not doing that sober. No, no, no.
Everybody just wake up sober like me at midnight. Let's go shoot.
Oh, you are? Okay.
Can we take another spin around the block?
Who the fuck would stick around with that?
Okay.
Yeah, she's a good girl. How's she stacked? Well, she's got teeters.
Murder, suicide.
I wonder.
Yeah, it's rare that people take people with them.
Who'd Robin Williams kill?
There you go. Did Aaron Hernandez, I mean, apart from the ones that got him in prison...
Is that prolonged?
Do you call that murder-suicide?
That's what they called it.
Oh, no.
Oh, and then what? Gave it to her? What happened?
Yeah. He lost control of her, then lost control of the kids, then lost control of anything to affect her with it because he's restrained by it. Now he lost all of their shit, so he can't even control that.
They just disarmed the shit out of this man.
That's a very expensive car.
Tailspin, babe.
Is that a thing that we do?
That is not swimming weather at all. It's probably an indoor indoor.
Oh, boy.
Oh, shit.
Sorry about it.
The wind blew a tree. It's a cat.
Yeah.
Right.
Your car was running and it stopped running. There's a reason for that. I'm sure I can diagnose it.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Uh huh.
But I guess – They're really arms deep. They're holding up – one's holding the transmission up. One's holding the motor.
We need somebody else to –
One person by one person by one person. Yeah.
I'm shocked.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Took her with him.
Oh, dear Christ.
Holy.
What do they want?
What? What's going on with this lady?
She's just okay to be a servant extra wife.
We're all wives. We're all wives together.
We're a throuple now.
Right.
Of course, because you've got a 12-year-old screaming.
The Oldsmobile, I mean, of course I'm making it.
They don't even make Oldsmobiles anymore.
Oh, no.
I see it looking like – That midsize sedan.
I can't even picture it.
I see this. It was a – something – not the Skylark. What is that? I remember one having fins on it. You know what I mean?
Maybe not like Finn's fins, but like that Finn metal with the brush strokes in it kind of thing. That's what I'm seeing, but I don't know. I can't picture it.
These are the worst questions, like the most uncomfortable ones.
What's the answer that makes you turn back and leave me alone?
Person of interest.
Right.
This is the reason you don't help people.
Hell yeah.
You're incredibly involved.
Right.
He was going to torture her all night and then do something today and then get back home and act like he was home the whole time.
It's a fascinating interview, kid.
Oh, it's got the address.
Well, what's away from me?
You only get two places. I mean, you get morning and evening food, and then you figure out lunch on your own.
So it's specifics.
In case we run out of things to talk about, I want to talk about the amount of strands on this rope.
Oh, boy.
And now back to the show.
God damn.
Things that people need.
That is planning to be separated from someone and still needing communication. That's frightening.
They just kept driving and help people.
He really went deep. That's great.
That is crazy. Their plan was to eliminate everybody one by one. That's fucking disturbing.
I need you to keep talking to me forever.
I mean, there's plenty of room.
Offering protection.
Bounce him off the walls. Yeah.
Right.
Past tense. They're done with him.
So they've Johnny Tyler'd him.
It's over.
He is a mad cat. Flushed away. He is a crazy man, so I don't blame him. Yeah.
I mean, the threat's been eliminated.
It's as safe as it can be now.
To just have a pizza joint and a Dunk's.
I don't remember that one.
bust through your window with a shotgun yeah all day long she's probably seeing him at the at the uh hotel she probably is like i'm i'm losing my mind he's not here i and having that actually be her suspicions all are true like yes that would be mind-blowingly scary that's what i mean that's the exact thing because when she's told chris that you know chris was like come on
Sure enough.
Yeah.
You had to watch all those domestic violence videos, right? I don't know. No?
Was it health class? Yeah, I remember one specifically because it was a video of a woman that said she spent $2 on a top at Kmart, like the boyfriend. And the whole class was laughing. This bitch shops at Kmart. I'm like, he's about to beat her ass, you guys.
You guys are ridiculing this poor woman for being broke.
I wasn't really worried about showing my penis to anybody, so I didn't care about those videos.
So awful.
Yeah, you do got to know that it's possible.
Yeah.
Oh, for Chris.
That's a very interesting choice.
Regretting a bunch of decisions.
And we were going to be a throuple. Fuck.
Really?
Main casual.
Oh, yeah.
Coolest funeral ever.
Really?
We're not accepting or rejecting their apology.
That's just a way for somebody to process this horrible event.
It's really got out of hand fast.
I don't think she sees 10 minutes behind her either. She's got a memory of a goldfish.
I just got the case.
Now, if he – any crimes he commits in New York, if it's a federal kidnapping charge, doesn't that just all stack together then? Like sexual assault and all that can be charged too?
Right.
Yeah.
Oh, really? We're going to go with suicide.
Aaron Rodgers way.
Bad knots?
Yeah, that would have been a spectacle, too, though.
Holy shit.
Question a man as I beat him to death about whether or not he fucked my wife.
He's going to hang himself in town square of the prison.
People in prison have a pretty good sense of humor. They're pretty funny sometimes. Somebody had to say some shit like, oh, no.
Oh, shit. You dummy.
Somebody said something hilarious. I guarantee it.
Somebody said something like, you're no good at this.
The worst Superman ever. Dude.
Yeah, so stay the fuck out.
Superman turned into Clark Kent midair.
Nothing super about you, man.
Have to.
It would be, you know, it would be painful, man.
Or alert her.
Oh, because he was scared.
And yeah, he said the order that had culpability and proof evidently to acknowledge it.
Okay.
Okay, yeah.
Having to say that shit caused him deep anxiety that caused him a panic attack.
I dislike my father. And he had to hear that.
He's right there.
And the target of it. You know what I mean?
I'm incapable of this. Please do it for me.
I mean, it's death, but it's going to be ugly.
Oh, he wants some defense.
Where's my no-spin zone?
I mean, they're still married. If she slept with Chris, that's unfaithful.
Okay.
Even in cards, you can't have five of a kind. You got it.
I mean, there is the if you did know that somebody was after that. I mean, she didn't. Let's say she didn't know that the first person was going to die. As soon as she walked her back and he says, now go ask for Chris. Now get more knock on the door and say, call the police. Let me in. Shut the door. Call 911 right now.
Tell Chris for sure. Don't go.
Yeah.
Right.
And a friend? Just a friend?
I'm sure he said, we're not going camping. And she knew that, right?
At least dim.
Right.
Incredibly startlingly.
No choice.
Okay.
Yeah.
Right.
It's all for you. It's all for you.
This was Executive Producer Christopher Bottomley, Gary Howard, Jessica Beauchesne. I think it's Beauchesne. You put like an Italian.
Beauchesne.
I'll have the rigatoni Beauchesne.
Cody Leversy in Detroit. You're the best, Cody. Shelly Roberts. Larry Butterfast. You're terrific, too. And they're in Orange County. Julia Hayes. I think he's in Orange County. Is he in California still?
Yeah, that's right. From Orange County. That was our guy. I always, because they're gray and both rad, I mix him up with...
the rock and roll scientist in philly oh yeah that girl rocks too yeah they're equally awesome dudes and they're equally yes you're right about that both of them texted me on my birthday and i was like oh no and somehow i never i never put that together that they were similar and they are exactly like yeah that's awesome east and west coast guys and they're both uh julia hayes peter goes in you of course you know that guy he's a great guy
It's old people, yeah.
tara l and there was clearly a concerted effort to uh donate to paypal because i had a birthday and i can't thank you guys enough it was incredibly kind of all of you thank you so much we will use it to buy lots and lots of weed uh for the 420 show and we'll celebrate in a couple of months lovely Lovely, lovely.
Other producers this week are Peyton Meadows, Jennifer Ward, Alana Zamel, Alana Zamel, Isabel Gill, Happy Hour in Tallulah, Louisiana. He checked in. Jennifer Ward, Janice Hill, Danielle Garouge, Melanie Fiel,
Fielkowski, Brian Fingleton, Large Marge, Joshua Reagan, Kira with no last name, Jamie Holliday, Abby Forsbrook, Sierra B, Mattis Reiber, Les Sniper, Janie with no last name, Brada with no last name, Nicole Frazier, Zachary Jensen, Emily Walker, Chris Gavin, Nikki Campbell, Casey McGrath, Ed Cuthain, Kulhane, Kulun I don't know. Andrew with no last name. Krista Capps. Zachary Burns. Kim Graviter.
Graviter? Carey. Carey. Old Carey rising back. Carey, thank you so much. Shannon Hovater. Davis Miller. Yeah, Davis Miller. Two last names for a name.
With fixins?
Glistopher. Craig Yamamoto. Glistopher gives no last name. Valerie Jensen. You don't need one. Nicole Sandlin. Randy Howard. Haley with no last name. Jason McClain. Jeff Solomon. Jason Barber. Landon Wood. Andrea McAllister. Susan Razel. Razenet. Razenet. Razenet, maybe. Razenet. Jenna Wisnowski is a name. Colby Robinson. Kyle Landrum. Jenna Crawford. Brian Forbes. Jimmy Asslicking. Asslicking?
Why would you want that said? I don't understand. Is there a joke that we missed? I don't know. Are you trying to be insulting? Or supportive.
I think you've missed the mark. But thanks for money. Renee with no last name. This is Sparta. Indy with no last name. Tim Schwartz. Jake Simpson. Becky Helms. Sherry Tullier. Diane Davis. Cassandra Bird. Carly Harris. Amanda Jedi Empress. Amanda S., James. She loves Star Wars, evidently. I guess so. I know that much about Star Wars that I know the Jedis are from there.
Monty Tudal, Tracy Richard, Alex Miles, Debbie Stevens, B. Bradley, Josh with no last name, Nick Messmer, Dan Dan Revolution, Brayden Evans. Gregory McGrath, Chris Butler, Joshua Baker, Larry – Laura Milner. Milner. M-L. That's a possibility? How do you even pronounce that? That's a possibility? What am I supposed to do? You've got to put a vowel in between there.
Jeffrey Boyer, Rita Martinez, Molu M. What is this? Josh Tetris, Brandon with no last name, Michael Ahn, Nicole Meyer. Yeah, that's Meyer. Avery Lempka, Mogwai Warbucks, James. It's his father, though.
Brianna Mitchell, Homebrew Murder Crew, Wooden Monkey, Donato Nolfi, April Hansen, Meg Hinton, Buddy Priest, Linda Madison, Alexandra Pankey, Southpaw 17, Florida 1. I don't know what that is. Is that an NFL game or play that we're calling? I don't know. Southpaw 17, Florida 1.
Drew with no last name. Kobe Bryant, probably not. More than likely not. Kathy Bain, Megan Jackson, Harley Posada. Jenny with no last name. Aaron with no last name. Alex Greenberg. Rachel with no last name. James Vogelsang. Chris with no last name. Jamie T. Hernandez. Hugh Janus, James. He's out there, Hugh.
Jimmy Ass Licking Westman? No, no, the other one.
They love these. I don't understand what the fuck is the word.
Kaylee Payne. And you know what? At one point in time, I loved a good pun. Kaylee Paynick? I don't know. Craig Carl? No, it's Carl Craig. Devin Brown? Kathleen Service?
Sure does.
Crystal Cooper. Patrick Whitmore. What is this? Karen Buckley. David Spear. Money with no last name. Abby Ritchie. Gillian. Jillian. Jillian Scott. Brian Scott. Oh, they're both the Scott brothers or brother and sister. I don't know. The Scotts are here. Misled Chef with no last name. Pixie with no last name. Jamie. Eric. Eric Wynn. Eric Wynn. C. Munker. What? What is that?
Sounds like you were throwing a lot of hips real fast. Real quick.
It's got to be a misspelling. I'm so sorry. Spelunker? I don't know. Seamunker, Christy Wilcox, David Valerio, Waverly, that's a cool name, Bushke, Bushke, Bushke, Bushke, Kelsey Havlick, Holly Wilmers, Megan with no last name, Joan Gill, Amanda Bishop-Vaught, Jennifer Sawyer, Abe Blinken, You know what? That's my favorite pun so far. That's pretty good.
Maybe that's why I like puns, because Robin Hood and Men in Tights, there was an Abe Lincoln pun in there that's fantastic. Hayden Powell, Pervy, Reed, Jonathan Hebert. Hebert. I hope it's not Pervy. That's tough. Hebert, Hebert. Dakota Landorf, V with no last name, Heather King, Tom Wannelli. Wannell, that's all. Jamie Lynn, Tara Love. I like that. That's all right. Shane Whitaker. Whitacre?
It's probably Whitaker. Eric Kimball, Cassie Gill, Amber Luciani, and all of our patrons. I love you guys more than you know. Thank you.
Bye.
Double-sided cornhole.
German in the type of food. I imagine it's because the Mayo in that potato salad is sour.
Sometimes it's not bad.
Damn.
Okay, some Native stuff.
Honor the Natives with the worst music on the planet.
You wait until they get to open for somebody. They'll get their due, I promise.
That's the thing now. If you're good, you'll get an audience.
Yeah.
It's not like black people doing techno music or something. Oh, who the fuck is this? It is a group. Don't do that.
Jango Fanik.
God damn it, Darren.
Get some transplants, Darren. Get out of my life.
This is awful.
Whiskey in the jar. I hear sad music to drink to. All right. All right, we're playing Rattlin' Bog for the third time.
All right.
You betcha.
Okay, so pretty good.
Although there are some holiday traveling jokers that cause some problems.
They're fun.
Sure does.
And Huntington sounds like it's so far out. That's where you can- Shoot a deer from your front porch.
Yeah.
Don't say that about me.
I'm never going to forget that motherfucker's name as long as I live.
I hate him so much.
Yeah, that was back then.
That's the most. Yeah. As a teenager, if you're good at tennis, you've played a lot of tennis. That's crazy that you have that much access to tennis courts.
There was a park with tennis courts on it near me, but the the nets were never on. They had like some league up there. Then they put the nets on. So otherwise, it's in a green blacktop.
Cut strings off.
Somebody's going to college a little bit late or a little bit early. I don't know. This is interesting.
That poor bastard's like, everything was a lie.
For some reason.
Yeah, it's obviously jazz, but no, it's not.
They can call it whatever they want.
Oh, yeah, yeah. What do you do?
Let us drip down upon you. You can call it whatever you want, but we're calling it jizz.
Yeah. Yeah. Berman had to start somewhere.
I was going to every every game and shit, but every game, every game.
Great childhood.
I can't imagine, yeah.
Party time.
What are interest rates this morning? Oh, my God.
Yeah, there's a track being sold down the street.
38 years old?
It was wild. If you've had two weeks of... what do they call that? Experimental dosing of people. Oh yeah. It's a hundred percent. It's addictive. It's very obvious.
He's got concrete shits. Yeah.
You're going to feel better with it.
Why would he do this at 38?
He sleeps wherever he fell asleep.
It's got a real black spot on it.
Oily recliner.
Yeah.
It looks like Flounder.
So gross.
No, no, it's Flo. It's Flo. Oh, that's the last one. Okay, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I love that today, thank God, women can just fucking choose whether or not to take his name. And it's like, it's not as insulting anymore. Yeah, people used to freak out. Yeah, but the mother-in-law used to be like, she won't even take his name.
I mean, you should be able to choose whichever one you enjoy as your name. Yeah. Take a look at the two. Unless there's like unless your last name is piss and you're marrying into the shit family. Yeah. At least you don't have one of them's got to be better is the point.
It should never matter. Who gives a fuck?
I mean, it's supposed to be 28 days, isn't it?
So he's getting 28 days for each. He's got like a triad.
He's embarrassed.
Most fucking... Either side, yeah.
Boy, oh boy.
Each one costs a little bit more.
Why is that, James?
Nothing better than your own space to decompress after this shit. You need this. You got to say out loud, can you believe the bitch wants my gambling in this?
See?
Yeah.
okay maybe so just you know at the turn of a fucking switch he's a different person and he's now he's mean that's that this is also tough because you're getting a guy straight out of rehab uh yeah and then springing life-changing shit on him this might trigger him to go back which might look like Jekyll and Hyde shit that that too he's using here if he's grabbing a fucking bottle here and there are some pills or tolerate this shit
Oh, Glenn.
I think it's so much of a rule, you don't even got to say it.
Hey, you're my best friend. You're probably not going to fuck my wife, right? Yeah, you're right.
Glenn forgot.
Oh, God.
While he was in rehab.
I'm certainly helping contribute to it, man.
Hi, Flo. How are you?
Clearly one of the worst days of my life, you fucking insensitive cunt.
Yeah, I'm in public, and there's tears streaming down my face.
Obviously.
Just don't even say a word. Look at a man crying. If he has any sense of anything, he'll be like, oh.
Are you bleeding?
You're kneeling.
Do you need a hand?
Or is this internal or external?
Pretty close.
2003. 2003.
Is that the UP?
Maybe. As some people do. There are oftentimes in couples that one of them is real good at just fucking disconnecting, not giving a shit about it, while the other one internally stews. So they might be just doing that.
I'm real good at disconnecting whenever we're fighting. I'm just like... You know what I mean? If I'm in a relationship and I'm fighting, I could just give two fucks. I can ignore that person and act like this house and room is empty. I'm so good at it.
I'm not a good- I'll fucking ignore you like- I'm not a good ignore.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think when I'm at that point, my goal is to not clear it up and just hope you disappear.
I'll be bringing that up to my therapist very shortly.
It's getting reestablished real quick here. I promise you that.
Which is still gross.
Dinghies is just like fish and chips and it's real lakefront shit.
So it'd be easier there rather than wine.
The red just has food coloring.
Why is this red sparkling? Shut up and drink it.
If you shake it, it stops sparkling.
Like boats, yeah.
Forget it. I have no interest in being wet. Nope. I want to be dry. Nope. And cold. I love it.
It's cars.
What's to be uncomfortable without Tom Hanks?
No.
I'm a boat guy. Yeah, we see it.
I don't know. If they don't have a boat, I might feel like I just big-timed them. I guess.
Yeah, my Evinrude's still more expensive than your fucking wine.
Yeah.
Yeah. And the water looks black in the middle of the night. It's so scary.
She's actually afraid of the dark, I think.
I got 14 in the same way right now. Yeah, it happens. I can't get her to take the fucking trash out at night.
You have lights out there.
I don't know. She's like,
That's what I told her. Turn the light on. She goes, yeah, but everywhere else is dark. Well, yeah, it's night.
There are no owls or coyotes in the backyard, and that's the only thing that can get you here.
No, you're much bigger than one, I promise. Yeah, they're terrifying. You could probably punch it and kill it.
She's out of her mind.
They're not very nice.
Maggie's all right. Yeah.
She probably is already saying negative things about me. I don't want to show my face where they already hate me.
Because you don't want to talk to them. It's validation for you. Yes. Yeah, this is why.
Still no Flo.
Yeah, why'd she stay there?
Oh.
You're not willing to help out, you rude dicks.
The man can't find the woman that's going to leave him.
Obviously, I don't want to barbecue with them. God damn it.
Oh.
Yeah, that's obvious.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why did he know that?
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Can you talk for a minute? Okay.
Well, there's that, and then this other part where my memories of this lake are fucking ruined. Oh, yeah.
She sounds nice as shit. Somebody's an asshole on the reviews. That's what I'm saying. She's calling 911 for Christ's sake.
That is a fascinating. Right out of the gate, he's like, my God, that man did it. That's a big ass lake. And he jumped right in the spot.
There's no sticking around. No. Come by for a bit and get the fuck out of town.
Maybe. There's only 500 people here.
All right, I'll put it in the report.
She's a poor girl who's never had a boyfriend longer than a week.
He's ready to go home.
Yeah, but I guess these guys aren't going through a divorce.
That's the funniest scene too when they're sitting in that boat and she's like, and you're leaving in two days. And he's like, yeah, but.
That takes some torque.
If it's dry, that doesn't just get on there.
His children have been removed from him.
Yeah.
Yeah, and if you know a lot of people and you're tragically killed, a lot of people will show up. Fuck yeah. If this is a shitty reason to die, a lot of people, yeah.
You died in a car accident and you did it. Maybe your family will be there.
I don't think people have shown up for that. Not many.
Have they said what her injuries are?
Give you everything I got.
This is a controlled environment where you can be very calm.
Polygrapher.
Yeah, sounds like he's got five children he molested.
They got it right. They could stop and get him a glass of water. They could do a lot of different things to calm him down.
Yeah, I don't even want this pizza.
So she slumped onto that concrete and then somebody kicked her ass off into the water?
Oh, my God.
And it doesn't matter if the drowning thing was the cause or not because somebody still put her over there. Whether or not she drowned here or there because she didn't just fall is the thing.
You're going to write that sitting at a table.
Yeah.
Iron Man figured it out. That shit doesn't burn.
Tired of your shit.
But the only link to that body they have is him jumping face first into the right spot.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Yeah, but all they've got are him jumping to the right spot.
I don't know if he was a skater when he was a kid. How many friends do you know that, like, jump off rails and shit? Yeah. I could kickflip this.
Back in my day, I could have kickflip this.
There is that because there is a lot of discomfort in this fucking situation.
Nine. Really?
Where are these people living?
That's a long time.
Yeah, yeah. Like I said— He might have just learned that when you accused him.
Sure.
Right. He came to tell you, and you didn't see him walking.
So that's fantastic.
And not see the blood.
Gross.
Yeah, cartoons. Cartoons. We've got a guy animating in here. Who are we? Yep. Praying Matt Stone? Jesus.
It certainly suggests that she was still alive when she went into the water, which she couldn't have done. So therefore, that's murder.
It's all inflammatory.
That's no good. What do you need that for?
Hmm.
Tears come out of your head. Yeah. I don't like when they don't cry.
No, no, no, no, no.
Mix that with vodka and drink it.
Oh.
A little dirt bag.
And he's using the ointment for lube. For lube.
Didn't even think about him, to be honest.
They'll make you forget she has a husband. Jesus.
Ah, this fucking. Chris Hansen has to talk to every asshole. He's also a pervert.
I troll for very young women also.
That's a real outgoing son of a bitch.
Patting my back with one hand, fingering my wife with the other.
Yeah. So that's fine. Shitload of North Face gear, this guy.
Well, that's because Rick wanted to walk around without a shirt. Maybe inside, put one on.
Tell me.
I mean, if I got. Yeah. What else is he going to say? I want my kids the fuck out of here.
It's got to get away.
Yeah. It was a distance between me and suspect.
You could have you could have a car accident with those two injuries.
No pants. It's windy up here.
Just in his fur to the looms. Just any white... Can I just take some pancakes to my room? You can go to your room until you have clothes on, Rick.
I'm not doing this because I'm a hero to society and I'm Robin Hood. I just stick around to testify all day.
I'm a professional testimony provider.
Yeah, of course.
human reaction and none of that happened so they're saying she had to have been unconscious when she made the fall okay yeah i could see if there's nothing on her knees nothing on her elbows hands yeah the palms of the hands the heels of the hands yeah those forearms oh that was my my least favorite bicycle injury
But did he make her Canadian?
I am. I've heard of big dick energy.
Yeah.
God damn, a double feature closing argument.
We're talking about, yeah.
Is she talking about the town, too? Yes. Giving reviews of local restaurants?
Darren, God damn it. Darren's bald fucking head.
You fucking better.
I don't know, man.
How much longer?
Just a shade time more than that bitch ran her mouth for?
25.
I mean, that's a long time to talk because there's no physical evidence. I really think that this man is getting off, man. There's you can't. All you have is he dove in right where she was at. And, I mean, clearly she didn't do this to herself. Somebody gave her a hand. But you can't say he did unless 12 people think him diving in the water at their exact spot is enough. I don't know, man.
I think this is more evidence than Scott Peterson had, though. Scott Peterson, there was DNA. I still think that motherfucker's incredibly guilty.
I mean, there's a hair, right?
Married and have kids.
That's enough. That's from Patreon. If you were on that jury as the foreman and said, I don't know, you guys, that pizza, I'd be like, this motherfucker, he's right.
You can't have an opinion. There's a fact. He's convicted. That's a fact.
You went to school to do this.
And I think all the people think he's guilty. I feel bad for their sex life because that's the only reason they think he's not guilty is because they want to fuck him.
Because he'll kill you.
Unless it's impounded indefinitely. Yeah, I think it is.
Oh, boy.
First degree. It's not dive, man. You can't just go to the body. You can't do it.
You can't do that.
I had to go right there.
Yeah.
No legs.
Right. As soon as that guy, he said, we found her. And he ran right to her. He was like, by golly.
That guy's main concern is the cost of fried fish.
I haven't sold enough Vandy camps to fix the dock.
And try to pretend and pass them off as today's catch of the day.
I mean, lawyers, they deserve money.
You've got to feel like a piece of shit when you buy that BMW and go, this is from an old lady's house.
You've got to feel like a scumbag when you go, I'm writing a check that cost a lady a bathroom.
What are you going to do?
It's like a reverse mortgage, but I keep it all. But I keep all of it.
Right.
So the fish.
I thought it was Tina.
Let's go back to the chat.
They're like, yeah, sure.
So anyway, it's almost like he's got a range of emotions he knows he has to go through. And he's got to start over when he calls the next person. He can't be hysterical because that's the end of this movie. I can't start. I can't Tarantino this phone call.
I can't do that because this is art at the end of the day.
An award.
Award season's coming up. I got the suit picked out.
Yeah, he picked her up and then dropped her.
Wow.
For a lake town? That sounds great.
She was already super, super messed up.
She's not healing. Right.
Yeah.
They don't even even the ones on 9-11 didn't bounce.
You just come apart.
Well, yeah, the concrete will – And the point is your body is not – it's not rubber. It's just shit comes apart. You can bounce at like 30 miles an hour if you're at a 45-degree angle hitting the ground. But straight the fuck down.
Yeah.
He crumpled. That's the word that they always say. They crumple into a heap because that's what your body just naturally does.
It's as chilled as it gets.
You know what I think, where I'm leaning at this point, is that she probably hit that ground and was out and made no noise. And whoever did it, because I'll just be nice, walked away. And then...
She's not going to stand up and go, you pushed me down the stairs.
He's asking himself questions and answering for you.
So glad I didn't prepare for this or anything.
He did three of the most addictive things and he was doing them all together.
Ruined his life. Knew he was going to lose it.
Yeah.
And then I went to rehab to fix all of it. And when I got out, that wasn't enough and I'm going to lose everything. What's the logical answer for a desperate man? You don't even have to keep it together.
That's the worst answer you could give. So bad.
He said hurt. I would never hurt. Yeah.
I didn't ask you to fucking give her a splinter. I asked you to pinch her. I asked you to kill her.
Get me out of here, Chris.
I'm fucking stuck in here. Go get those 12 people that made the wrong decision. Tell them.
This is fucking crazy. Is your mom by chance? I didn't kill anybody.
Does your very young girlfriend that probably still lives with her parents have an extra room?
The average is $1,200 or so.
By someone else on their behalf.
To get the house, yeah.
James, they call her the worst aunt ever. They also call her aunt from hell.
What? Antichrist, James.
So that she could get medical stuff to pay for her back. That's all it was.
Awesome.
I mean, expert.
I mean, yeah, but in the West Memphis Three shit, they brought a guy that was a scientist and then – And that's the job of the other side is to attack the credibility of this person. But when you bring somebody in as a scientist that got a mail order degree, that's fucked up, man.
Because the guy wrote a letter somewhere and they said, sure.
It's pretty expensive still, isn't it?
And why would you put it in the water when that person's still alive? Because a logical person says, I've got to get this person help.
Nobody says. Scream. Hey, help, help. Nobody Tony Soprano pinches Chris's nose. No. You don't throw him in the water.
Sure, yeah.
Yeah, for a lake house, too. It's really not that bad.
Yeah, what happened?
Throw it in a fire pit?
You can't lift. Somebody would have to lift under the shoulders. And with a bloody ass head like that, you're getting it on.
On your forearms, on your hands.
You're doing all right.
Oh?
Okay, so she got her ass kicked and then thrown into the concrete.
That's why she hit like that.
Right. And then landing on the concrete and then there's no movement. He's like, oh, shit. Who cares? That's that's that. And then for an hour and a half, she's laying there and probably started to come to.
But no movement or motion or talking or anything?
But you don't think that there was any moaning or anything or gurgling or anything?
She was like, help me, help me.
Hip tossing was so much easier in my 20s.
Right. You've got no evidence that he did it, except for the dive right where the fucking body is. That's it.
And, you know, there's a lot of people that will disagree with that because they've seen a friend fall and bounce off the pavement. But when you fall from, you know, your height. A bike, a moving car. You can bounce like that because you've got forward momentum. But, like, a crumpled body that's out, when it hits, it doesn't bounce.
That highlight. On his helmet.
Hell yeah.
But it was a sweet cartoon, you guys. Could have been called a Pixar short.
altogether denied and affirmed yeah this is a firm and the bounce that they're saying is like not like ridiculous you can hit the ground and just i mean a couple of selling you know i mean just the motion of coming on your side and fall over yeah but you're not gonna bounce like a fucking rubber ball and bounce six feet over uh over a concrete embankment wall
Yeah, you'd have to have forward momentum.
Yeah, just physically it doesn't happen.
Yeah, yeah.
This is crazy.
Yeah, this is... Two-thirds, 60 yards of... Shoreline. That's yours.
Ineffective fuck stole my parents' house.
That guy's done a lot.
Nobody will be there.
Cancello.
He doesn't have a bar in California or Michigan. Yeah.
So that means he's- That sounds like money.
Yeah.
Bless you if you know more than I do.
Fill that bitch up. Let's make a showing.
It's in the Midwest, so be prepared.
And it's weight loss that... This is weight loss results that last. They stick around because you get yourself into a lifestyle change.
Yeah.
And we're not doing that, so...
Treat it like being just they want me to two shows. I'm not doing two shows and I can't do it.
Find that out. Find out.
It's like walking into a kitchen, and there's cake all over the floor. You just go, what'd you do?
What happened?
Why is it like this?
This week's executive producers are Jennifer Yates, Larry Butterfest. Happy birthday, Lair Bear. Happy birthday, Larry. Thanks for that Jameson, bro. Jake Young, Jordan Bennett, and Simon. They're moving back to England. Did you know that? Are they really? They are. Oh, shit. We won't see them anymore. No. We'll see them once in a while. They come down from Canada all the time. That's all right.
They're going to pop over to a couple before they go. Different weird accent.
Courtney Jadale. Jadale. Jadale. Jadale. Jadale. I'll bet it's still there. Yeah. Erica Gerstenberger's sister, Sabina. I don't know her last name. Erica didn't give that.
Well, I think Erica's married. We don't know. We don't know. Also, Angie Pennington, Aaron Stevens, Christine Lewis, Ashley Williams, Tyler and Brittany Jones, and Crystal My Purdy Newland. Thank you all so much. You're fantastic. Thank you. Other producers this week are Linda Maroney and Harry Balzac. Wow. Probably not. I'm sure. You get it. Could be. Or Linda's Harry Balsack. I don't know.
Maybe it's Linda.
Good for you, Larry. Linda. Larry Balsack. Linda and Harry is Larry. All right. Peyton Meadows, Janice Hill, Natalie Austin-Baw. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Jenna wanted us to tell you. Julia Reynolds is holding space, James. I don't know if you know, I'm very annoyed by that fucking, I don't even know what it means.
It doesn't mean a fucking thing, and people have now begun saying it, and I want to choke people when they say it. It's the dumbest fuck. I'm holding space for that. You sound like me now. I'll fucking kick you. Roxanne, Ewoks. You're hanging out with me too much. I'll fucking kick you. Probably. Roxanne with no last name. Ewok with no last name. Sassy. Apron Springs. Oh, Strings. Got you.
All right. Angelica Garpland. Seedorf. Lacey Ward. Derek89. Claudia Berry. Nina with no last name. Jason Ogden. Aziz. Kadeem. Oh, Aziz with no last name. Kadeem Hunt is another person. DNT. DN, not M. Renee Linton. Hannah Goodman. Danae Upshaw. MC118Z. Paul Simon. Jail. Jail. Jaji? Paul Simon, very nice. Jodgy Jodgy? Did I not press enter and Jodgy Jodgy is another person? I don't know.
Your guess is as good as mine. Carrie Stewart. Rebecca with no last name. Michael Pettit. Jessica Keefe. Christopher Cox. Sinclair with no last name. Kelsey Lang, 8'10". Bill The Strand. Nicole Huff. Lori with no last name. Bailey Gallops. Shellis. Shalee Turner. Renner. Chalee or Chalice?
I think all of them are holding space for us.
Where are you? It's just when people say things in my head, I can't take it. I get it.
Bane Ross. John with no last name. Amberly Menjay? Menj? Amberly Minj, maybe. Amberly and her Minj. I don't know. Both of them? Amberlee might be a dude. She's bringing her binge with her. That's nice. Who knows? Rose Bloom, Kristen S., Molly Crawford, Rena Dutt, Megan Bussing Todd, Kaiser Soze, Travis Hoffman, Jamie. He's coming out of hiding. Yeah. Jamie Ammo, Ammo, Ammo. Amo.
Delaney Ellison, I think. Maybe Delane. I don't know. Captain Zod. Joe Lynn. Julia Thompson. Archanty? Archanty Hill. Nicole with no last name. Joyce with no last name. Jennifer Gasser. Deanna Katz. Helper with no last name. Ali with no last name. Mama Red, 89. Michelle O'Coin. The Leaf Man. The Lafe Man, 77. Bernadette Danner. Shane Carl Rossini. Bernadette Danner.
Charmaine, Laura Edward, Nicole Winkler, Jabluz, Gary Keita, Jake Yeager, Angelo Leonardo, Brian Atkinson, Liv the Kid, Francesca Curley, Austin Duncan, Lisa Cat P, Beatriz Rojas, Carrie Grooms Harvey. Joan. Oh, don't do that, Carrie. Joan Kemp. Christian Klepper. Martin Grubbs. Mark Roser. Lacey Johnson. Krista D. Adam Fellmeister. Jen T. Matt Smith. Patrick Newsome. Frank with no last name.
Lori Harris. Carter Hayes. Mimi to Aver and P. I don't know what that means. Mimi did something for Aver and P. Ollie with no last name. Michelle Phillips. Jacob Scrivener. Scrivener. Scrivener. Vane Ferry. Suzanne Moore. Joel Lee. Lair Fitzer. Fizer. Shannon North. Pridge with no last name. Rach Adry. Zaneb. Zaneb. Zaneb.
Holy fuck. Zaneb. Zaneb. Jeff with no last name. Holly with no last name. Jamie Burns. David Gilbert. Brian Halyard. Jared with no last name. Lori Taylor. Sean LaBouf. Delis Gribben. Chantel Johnson. Meredith Collins. Liz Wilson. Ryan with no last name. Rachel Kanig. Audra with no last name. Sophie Warren Blades. Lindsay Ickes.
Tatum Thompson, Annie McCormick, Alyssa Polselli, Brenna Botsford, Aileen Quach, Monica Weimus, Harrison Ecott, Megan Alvarado, Rob Davis, Mary Peters, Amanda Neese, M4CEO, Brian Smuck, Brenda Hugh, Crystal with no last name, Ashley Pasek, Gabby with no last name, Stephanie with no last name, Alex McCoggin, McCoggin. Oh, boy. McCoggin what?
That's it. That's the last name. Alex McCoggin. McCoggin Alex. All right. Heather Jeter. Raymond. Remy. Remy V. Maxim Dynov. Timothy. Tiffany. Timothy. Tiffany Morovia. Nicole Ware. William Jackson. 843-230. Grayson. Sydney Tobias. Naomi Oleson. April Capaccio. McConica. Hey.
Monica Noakes, Danny Lee Tedder, Anna with no last name, Amy Ninja, Erica Davis, Christy B., Chrissy B., Jenna Fortunes, Sharon Mokum, Jessica Eastman, Brian Murphy, Sheila Jaggard.
Adam Vines, Veens, Dave with no last name, Eric Sohn, Rashad Stanford, Mel with no last name, Calista Begley, Jacob Parker, Jessica with no last name, Danica Schoenfeld, Chelsea with no last name, Lauren Secco, Nate Thompson, Brittany Ernst, and all of our patrons. We love you.
You're awesome.
Golly, I love it.
Ah, dang.
We love that.
Bet you don't.
Yeah. Some windows. Glass cubes.
You suck.
Sex stores. Yeah.
You're close. Wiggly.
That's sexy right there. Holiday Inn Executive Center.
Sexy hot. Coming down to make prints, make copies. What the fuck is going on here?
Pull it out.
I mean, yeah.
Showing people the ropes of dildo play.
Okay.
There you go.
Ah, shit.
Just say, all are welcome.
Do you like to fuck? Come in, you're welcome.
Oh, or do that, too.
Rewards, yeah.
Okay, so you can either give them a cookie or punch them.
May as well. There you go.
Be nice to it, and it'll be nice to you.
That's the petting zoo, right?
It better not be like a daycare center so you can go figure out how to come.
No.
Break character at least a little, please.
Yeah, use the bathroom. For sanitary's sake.
Yeah.
If you can't come all day long, don't worry. The closer will do it.
On the last day, we will have an omelet and check out.
Rearranged on the inside by a Sibian. Have a Denver omelet.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's got a chemical on it. You can't tell what it is, but there's a chemical on there. You don't know what it is.
You know what's in there.
You walk in and you go, chemical. What is that?
Your house will smell like this.
Yeah.
God damn.
Yeah, you're gravelly.
It sounds like your larynx makes the gravel.
Come on over and have some food that tastes like it's turnt.
I'm not a fan of Polish. They're okay. The brats are fine, but that's German. Yeah, I'll take a Polish. Polish shit is like, it's sour.
Yeah, but brat's got like a, there's some seasoning in there. I don't know what it is.
That I can deal with. Yeah. Hot links are fine, but it's just a Polish. I've never had one that I was like, you know, I'd do this again. It's never great. No.
I'm going to put a ton of shit on it to make it edible.
Now back to the show.
slash small town murder now back to the show i love a chicago dog so i'll eat anything in a chicago dog way with like salt and pepper and garlic powder and it doesn't really doesn't really need to be a hot dog even under there right because then you can cook the living shit out there's a fucking salad on top of it it's ridiculous so um kathy here
Just didn't know how to ride.
They got fixed window money? Good for them.
Oh, my God. It was a baseball for fuck's sake. I didn't even throw the rock. Somebody else threw it, but I was with them.
And my mom had to pay half, and she was livid.
Shit. It's a big picture window.
In Hitler times, there probably wasn't much to take away.
Okay.
How about that? She doesn't even believe in curses.
I would never go over there.
Oh.
Let's go out. In the halls?
That's busy.
That's what I knew. I did yearbook because I was a quote unquote photographer. And so I was able just to go walk. It was great.
Yeah. That's still too. I wasn't going to shit.
And like I used a shitload of film.
Yeah.
Pictures of shit. I'm not supposed to take pictures of.
Come meet the fam.
Is that right?
And the older generation was having none of it.
Put on some pleated pants. Yeah. Way too high.
Put on a reaser.
It's like you're headed to the sock-off. Come on.
No. No, that doesn't scream free love and marijuana. Yeah.
The shoes. It's a big deal.
Pretty rare to have kids, too. I mean, unless you don't go to college.
There we go.
Kentucky.
Yeah, it's Lynchburg, Virginia.
How about it?
There's so much. She pooped a lot. She's a bitch.
Six times a day.
Yeah, they're not even in the state, man.
Chicago. St. Louis. St. Louis. Don't forget.
I want to be home with my family.
She gave you two weeks. Leave her the fuck alone. She sent her a letter of resignation. There's the word.
Too bad.
He's good.
Tell you that. Don't look at the website. Find one close to you. Let's go.
Specifically Pittsburgh. Let's do that first.
Just found what's the most high-paid teaching job, and he was like, I can deal with that.
Is that in local papers?
That's where it is.
Answering ads.
But that's how you did it back then. Expecting a response.
It's Friday.
Pre-game. Pre-game. Get your liver primed. Let's party.
Big move for that little kiddo. Suburb. Yeah.
Oh, really?
It's fascinating. Little white shorts on them. There's two groups that play racquetball. It's like upscale, like people on their lunch break, or it's the white trash people that go on Sunday morning. Yeah. That's where we went. Yep.
We played racquetball in those, like, rooms with, like, the fucking steel door that would slam. Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember those. It was terrifying.
And it's hot as shit in there.
And it's a little bit east of there. Was that Albany, I guess, from there?
Is it? Is it?
But from there to like fucking South Dakota, that whole region.
Winter is long.
You know, sometimes you got to keep an eye on some people.
We didn't do it when we hired you. We'll do it now.
That's a good idea. Yeah.
That is a gal who is. Good Lord. You guys have the meatloaf. I'll do my own thing. Wow. My own thing is going to be crazy.
You get it all.
Why the whole family is loading up? We'll all die together.
I'm going to brave northern New York in February.
How old are they?
That's a brave choice.
Drop milk booze on top of that.
Turn that up.
She's amazing.
She's nauseous.
Oh.
That is terrifying.
That's like the start of a scary movie. The door is broken. Your wife and children are inside. Here's an ax. Arm yourself. I've probably got something bigger.
How did they fuck it up so bad?
That's not the way to sleep.
Yeah.
Right.
She's fine.
That's a different story.
Yeah, I would never stop looking at it.
There it is.
So somebody either came empty-handed or...
Now back to the show.
None of us have the right answer all the time. Exactly. Sometimes you need a little coaching. Sometimes you need an extra tool in the toolbox to cope and deal with the day.
Now back to the show.
Right.
Why, James?
Not many hours. Yeah.
Gotta go, yeah.
I mean, I guess that's him saying, I'll tell him about it another time.
They probably think, or he probably thinks, they'll understand.
Yeah.
The family doesn't have any fingerprints.
Or they're just wiping shit down. That's crazy.
That's amazing.
She's good.
They usually don't stick around, yeah.
Hmm.
Yeah.
No bleach.
Just drain water. That's it.
Brilliant.
Oh.
You're not going to get me.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
No.
What a dark thing to see, too, and say that's what she's projecting. Right.
Right.
I've never heard of that before.
On accident?
Very quiet.
I didn't know that motherfucker's off that way. Yeah.
And it's crazy, too, how far your key can get away from that car and it stays running. Oh, it still goes running. As long as it doesn't go into gear and try to take off, that'll shut it off. But if you go into your house, into your kitchen- I've left a car running in my driveway for like an hour and a half on accident. It happens. Yeah. We've done it too. In the garage garage.
Obviously, you're still here.
They're going to end up having to find some enzyme that our body secretes during death that wasn't there. Well, how would we know if it was when it got in it?
Wow.
Mm-hmm.
Why are you listening to everybody talking, lady?
Okay.
It's a volcano in there.
How'd she do that?
I'm more impressed. Well, I mean, that takes a while, but if you can do it. That just indicates passage of time.
There you go, yeah.
Sure enough.
I don't want to anyway.
Okay.
And then head on off to work.
A gathering place.
Yeah.
Talk to the manager, man. I can't override it.
That's all.
Get them.
That's a couple on budget.
Somebody, you know, somebody, somebody. He told somebody about it. And then eventually they were like, look, it's it's enough. You got to get on this.
It got colder.
He's been moshing all night.
Holy.
Yeah.
And her dad's got to feel so guilty because he's the one that told him to put shoes on.
That's great.
With the intention.
You get a paycheck. You need cheerleaders, too.
C.D. Lamb has chicks dressed in really short skirts and pom-poms making his day.
We'll get to it. I got a lot of projects like that around my house. I get it.
I want to whack him in the head with an axe.
From 100% behind him to how much behind him?
Oh, okay. Zero.
Yeah.
Sure.
Yeah.
Very easily, yeah.
Oh, was there?
Gave him a lot of tickets to get this job.
Who are they?
I think tackling will send a bigger message.
If I tackle him real good.
I have a lot of questions.
Almost got him, yeah.
Pretty good guy.
Why do they know him?
Is that right?
Didn't work because, you know, trailers and stuff.
Oh, I was just trying to scare him.
I'll tell you that much.
Oh, boy.
That's the only reason? That's it.
Okay.
Oh, they're terrific.
Is that right?
Now back to the show.
Yeah.
No matter what scenario you paint, it's much more believable than the husband did it.
Otherwise, there's a economist from Kodak.
So it didn't matter anyway.
Is that right?
Oh, boy.
No, but that's a fascinating choice of place to settle when you're an American hero.
Because she was already dead because her husband did it.
And now back to the show.
Did they get him on like monster.com, like the actual hiramonster.com?
Wow.
The original monster.org was just monsters. It was just bad people. Just looking for murderers and rapists. Yeah.
We got nothing on him except for that he's a piece of shit.
I mean, he got the murder weapon right.
Wow.
You know, there is honor amongst them.
That's yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and if you get away with it, you're going to get better at it.
But this is the reason Frederick Douglass was there.
Yeah.
Many.
He had the shoes. Now he's got the boat.
You got to have the shoes to get the, you got to dress for the job you want, James.
You're fucked. You're going to come on this boat and not dress like a captain? Who do you think you are?
Fuck. He's beating us again.
Everybody knows Frederick Douglass loved golf tech.
Is it Brighton? It's Brighton Police? Brighton.
Oh, no.
Love that.
Yeah, Autopsy.
Okay.
We all do.
Attaboy.
That one didn't seem real.
No, he fucking killed her. It didn't seem like it was much of a conspiracy.
And the other person's blood all over him.
Wall of Sound, don't care.
You can't do that.
That's my point. You can't just say.
Who's that?
Oh, well.
Okay.
That's a long time. They don't last 10 minutes.
It doesn't. I'll go to the point of I've seen a lot of fights that once somebody has any blood leaking out of them, it's over. Yes, that's a thing. That's a different thing. I mean, when there's no knives involved, it's just punching.
Right, yeah. When there's blood coming from somebody's face, you stop. I mean, this was a sustained attack to murder somebody. Yeah. But for 10 minutes, you're able to fight back?
I've got to start looking for good custard.
I don't know what the question is.
Yeah, never thought of it.
It's also good that he that clearly aged him because he looks worse than Ron Jeremy now.
Is that right? He fucked it up.
In the early 90s.
He's just a great guy. Hold on. He's trying to say that Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself?
Oh my God, what an asshole.
He's the reason for all this Epstein didn't kill himself shit.
Because his credibility is fucking shot.
But he says, you know, that'll do. That'll insulate you like a Yeti cooler.
Oh, so they got a new guy.
Yeah.
We trust him. He's got a New York accent.
Yeah, he's from New York.
He's very New York, but he... in the in the show in the first one uh he just seemed very new york yeah he's he's he's on new york yeah he's like he's the matt rife of murder yeah yeah this guy that's just sad this catholdy guy he looks like he's never heard a podcast or heard that they exist so probably all right it's probably 75 yeah yeah the fbi takes credit of course
Well, that's not good.
We're going to get you.
This may as well be the Shenandoah Valley.
Wow.
Okay.
Oh, so you got the old lady curse.
Fascinating choices of writing a show.
Oh.
In his 90s.
On the outside, they look pleasant.
I don't even know what that saying means, but it sounds... A hell or high water?
Either a horrific flood or just fire everywhere.
That's unbelievable.
Your wife.
Unbelievable.
There it is.
Yeah, we found out he's taking money and we paid.
Yeah, I offered him tickets and shit, and he was being real weird about it.
They'll argue there's still Ray Fosso Latido.
Yeah.
Stay out of my kitchen, Maria.
Why not? Nice.
I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah.
He needs a therapist.
Well, listen, I ate here. That's the problem.
You know where they hand those out? Yeah, that's true, yeah.
She won't fuck you anymore? Here.
But also, he could just be a good guy who picked up trash in a parking lot and was like, I'll throw this away later.
Hunting. Hunting.
Six hour window.
But that window only has Jim in it.
Can't do it. Yeah.
Yeah.
Said you can't deny it. Well, here's a way to deny it.
That's a great insult, but for real. On answering the phone, you know he's a scumbag.
Have you been to Yankee Stadium?
That's all we've got.
That's a great point.
Get out of my life. I swear to God, that's crazy shit. It's ridiculous.
I don't fucking know.
That is maybe the worst feeling in the world. When you call somewhere and they answer and they say the place and go, please hold, before you get to say a word.
Jesus, what's worse than that?
That's demoralizing. Yeah.
No good.
He gets a proper burial.
I love it.
That's pretty good.
Unless a murder ruins the fucking price, you know what I mean?
Have to, yeah.
What a place.
The result is not great. Leave your boat shoes elsewhere.
Gangsters moving silent. Like lasagna.
Geez. Yeah, all right. Peyton Meadows, other producers this week. Peyton Meadows, Beth Bowie, Happy Hour in Midland, Texas. Back home, I think. Janice Hill, Elizabeth Cracknell, Stacey Clement, Brea Weeks, D-Money. That a kiddo. Ellen Tork. Tork. T-O-R-K-E. That's Tork, right? Maybe it's Torky. Who knows? Ryan Marlink. Kerry Keller. Demonte Marley. Jamie Gates. Tyler with no last name.
Yeah.
Todd Labister. Joe Patterson. Nicole Gee. Chris H. Stephanie Robertson. Biscuits in the bathroom. Tori Merrill. Weird place for her. Well, just stay in there because that's the safest place. David DeMoss, Streets, Ryder.
Michael D., Maria Sherman, Morgan Pryne, RVZ, Chad Roberts, Amy Bates, Maureen McLaughlin, June Morris, Koopy with no last name, Dennis Verhoeven, Nathan Lippert, Matthew with no last name, Rick Matthews, Jay with no last name, Moosh McKenzie, LT, the letters L and T. Probably not that one. Marion Hawk, Rebecca Crutchfield, Douglas McClurkin, Lily Fortenbaugh.
Leanne Hill, Susan Fletcher, Alexis with no last name, Gabrielle Godoy, Nick James, Nick James, not and, Amy Oliver, Burns, God damn it, Nicole Williams, Josephine Lancaster, Solene, Solene DeTassigny, DeTassigny. That's a long one. DeTassigny, right? I don't know. There's no G. There is a G. G-N-Y? Who the fuck knows? These silent Gs are killing us, people.
Miranda Presnell, Aaron Terra, Trey Harn, Harry Trotter, probably not. Sky Davis, Benjamin Patinode, Rebecca Ramey, Terry Stanley, Betty Warren, Leslie Dixon, Linda Morris, Jacqueline D., Amanda Walkup, Denise Carter, Ella Kopech, Angela Robinson, Karen with no last name, Natalie Lewis, Oscar Walters, A.L., the letters A and L, the whole state of Alabama, James.
Possibly. Maybe it's A.I. I don't know. Alan Iverson's here for us? Good.
Alexandra Shea, J.C., J.C. Chavez, Parker Brown. Aaron Walker, bone-eating snot flower. I don't know.
Yeah. Fleshing, busy, and bone-eating snot flower. Yeah, that's the guy. He's the one with the deep voice. Yeah.
You know what I mean? He's the guy. All right. Forrest Bear? Probably not. There's no way somebody named their kid Forrest when their last name is Bear, right? I really hope so. That'd be amazing. Brooks Crandall. Megan with no last name. D-Lo. Dan W. Joe Smart. Coy Cresta. BBT. Yeah, right. I don't know what that means. Patrick Rogers. Alyssa...
lie build uh just monica she doesn't have a nickname not mo not mon not just it's just monica no last name forest wonderly james i don't know if you if you name your kid forest if your last name is wonderly madeline dixon uh brit would know last name eliza would know last name sydney james stephanie hooligan uh i think that is uh miss oh that's not her last name i think apple corrected that it's a hooligan uh
Kayla Vinson. Doug with no last name. Katie Lee. Chris with no last name. Thomas Cross. Jessica Anderson. Justin Shoemaker. Kyle C. Sky Deceit. Callie Slaughter. James Kidd. Phillip Anderson. Mary V. Jen Mack. Shelby LeBerve. LeBeverie. Daryl with no last name. Trish. It might be LeBove. LeBerve. LeBarve. Oh. I don't know. Trish with no last name. April Horn. Mary Kathleen. Vittoria Marchese.
Tonya Santos. Jason with no last name. Caitlin Batties. Battles. What is that? I think it's Battles. Davis W. Jason Doc Noyes. Kara M. Andre Gross. Kevin with no last name. Sean LaMontagna. Scott Michalski. I don't know. Michalski.
Thomas Dunn, Tom Scott, Rebel Marie, Leah Barber, Dominic Anaya, Aaron Stewart, Crystal Goodridge, Athenia Awesome, Mary Jividen, Trisha Hall, Jennifer Brock, Sarah Kershick, No fucking way.
Jared Grimm, Bill Giedemann, Ryan Flickinger, Daniel Davidson, Charlie with no last name, Ron Key with no last name, Larry Denman, Jane Hamlin, Jenny Lien, Tracy Baldwin, Matt Turner, Jamie Cutton, Dana Cox, David and Melinda, Brianna Freeman, Michelle Butthead, Fletcher, Chris... Reagan. Sophia Weeks. Sophie Weeks. Stephanie Leopold. Krista with no last name. Leslie Harper. Stephanie Osterlin.
Christy Stevens. Heidi Shingleton. Tia. Tia Ivagnoni. Fuck if I know. Emily. Emily. Amale. Riffle. Rifle. Riffle. Jordan. Grant Gamble. Julie Myers. Liz Chandler. Deandra Duhart. Sherry Weston. Amber with no last name. Beth with no last name. Cody Luce. Labrita. Labrita Roja. Lubrita. Amanda Kay, Daryl Abbott, and all of our patrons. You guys are the fucking best.
Yeah, you make it viable because we're beholden to nobody.
Bye.
$15,000.
Oh, you can get it cheaper.
Ghosts with black lung.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All books.
It's the apple of the eye.
6,600 square feet.
Is there any acreage with that? An acre and a half. One acre.
That's amazing.
Hell yeah.
I don't need to hear that.
Yeah, sure.
Is it with an E?
I don't know a single one of these people. Never heard of it. I'm thrilled about it, to be honest.
The entertainment in this area is bleak. Yeah. If Applebee's is all you've got at night, this is probably fucking amazing.
I guarantee you they play karaoke and fucking trivia night. I bet Applebee's Monday through Friday. It has to be cranking.
Use that for the jail.
What's going on?
They might take your sleep cap.
It is.
Mary's that most important one in the Christian religion.
That's a pretty big one.
Naomi's a cool name.
Corprew.
Okay.
Wow.
Really?
Yeah, all these Vandy camps got me worked up.
Yeah. Get me going. Really, though, the frozen food section, you walk down, everything looks pretty good.
There's very few things in there, though, that when they're done, when you've made them, they're all shit.
You know what? Yeah.
All those fries, the tater tots, all that stuff is shit. Garbage.
God, he's just throwing dick at his secretary.
Does he play the guitar?
She's buying concrete.
This is unbelievable.
The only thing that solves his problems is eating pussy.
Diabetes.
Really?
Like Cooper.
They're terrific.
Now back to the show.
and continues along with it she's looking that old joke of find a find a woman that has a bunch of money and find a woman that that fucks great and never under any circumstances let them meet let them meet yeah yeah that's i think that's what she's doing she figured it out yeah wow
Two rounds.
Late 70s, early 80s, the only people that played golf were the very wealthy.
The gender roles are usually swapped here. This is unbelievable.
I mean, you could have stopped at dinner party. Yep.
I'd say I went to a Super Bowl party.
Yeah.
Some people just go through the fucking garage. They never open their door. That's the other thing.
They got to pop it and it's just dust falls around.
Oh, boy.
Oh my God.
The Iceman said his head disappeared. Yeah. That's kind of what it is.
Just driving around.
Robbery as a motive is a bizarre choice here.
Yeah, that would make you panic if you didn't mean to hurt anybody.
You were driving like a lunatic.
Just being a West Virginian that probably carries a fucking sidearm. You know what I mean?
Perhaps trying to pick the head up and put Humpty back together again.
That ain't enough.
1982, is that what it is?
Really?
John's got an appointment with him at some point?
Oh, shit.
Oh, okay.
She's paying his water bill and shit?
Unbelievable.
Okay.
Four times. You've been busy all night.
What the fuck?
Yeah, the pieces everywhere are not connected to each other.
Make the Eiffel Tower.
I mean, second could skip a generation, but he's still named after somebody.
That man was just doing body work in that condition?
Look at it. Laser straight.
How'd we get to him?
Oh.
$2,500.
And 1980.
And away she goes.
A man's missing a head. Wow. Go on.
Is that right?
Yeah. What about Elmer?
Obviously, he's aware of something.
Right, right.
Confession tossed, yeah.
We picked him up from work. He's fine.
Yeah.
Let me tell you about my dad. Staring at the ghost of whoever he murdered for the last 20 years every night when he goes to sleep. He's like, I got to tell somebody. I need this ghost to go away.
Murder is dead serious.
We're booty calls.
Oh, my God.
They're not going to find a shotgun blast to the head in an autopsy.
It's much easier than, yeah, who's bought fucking cyanide in the past.
Got it delivered, yeah. Wow.
And that unscrew the lights part is real fucking... Diabolical? Yeah, yeah. It's incriminating as fuck because they were out.
Now back to the show.
Absolutely.
The one you deserve.
None of us have the right answer all the time. Sometimes you need a little coaching. Sometimes you need an extra tool in the toolbox to cope and deal with the day.
Now back to the show.
Yeah.
Yeah, because when you're on some sort of a diet or any kind of keeping an eye on things, those are one of the first things to go.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
See how that works?
Certainly, yeah.
Wow.
You better acknowledge this thing.
What the fuck?
Oh, boy. Dude. This is sleazy, man.
She hollowed out Hatchet.
You don't understand. She sucks it so great.
She's my secretary.
Yeah.
Yeah. And the judge beguiled. Siren. Yeah.
Make you do crazy things.
I'm going to come and meet you.
I got a story for you, bub. Wow.
I ran this pirate ship aground because of that siren.
Unbelievable.
Yeah.
I didn't know it was physically possible.
He kept a subcontractor charge. Good. Yeah.
Wow.
Afraid of them.
How many murderers does it take to unscrew a light bulb?
My cane. The guy's got a cane.
Just exploded a floodlight.
They weren't casing shit. They were waiting for the cops to arrive for the noise they just made.
Well, we tried.
Okay.
Oh, that was terrible.
Gross.
Yeah.
As long as they's away.
And he's late, sir.
Get out of here.
That's why I'm so high around here. They don't punish anybody for it.
Conspiracy. You were part of this 100%. How do you not get at least 30% of their sentence?
Is it?
That's his swing now.
People love the heart.
I've done my own research.
You ain't never heard the term psychologist. That's why. That's why. If you can say it with a sarcastic tone, I don't believe it.
No, you don't understand. Psychology is when you go talk to somebody with your same problems and y'all commiserate.
Yeah.
Right.
Step one, make your bed every morning. Step two, have breakfast. What's this fucking routine you're talking about?
Yeah, if you don't have time to have problems, you ain't got problems.
I mean, they better just send this fucker home, right?
How fucking perfect is it in this person's life?
Oh my God.
Oh, my God. That person can't.
In an insanity plea, you can't have that woman.
Right.
And that there are people that can help treat that.
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
Thanks for being here, doc.
He just needs to work harder.
We got a fall guy now.
Ice-free?
My God.
I'm just a little butterfly.
I'm just a little silkworm.
I am in West Virginia. I'm surprised they didn't say, you, sir, may fuck off to a wood chipper.
We're going to throw you into a wood chipper that shoots your viscera into an abandoned mine shaft.
Well, the juror that doesn't like psychotherapy pisses the remainder of you off the wall.
Yeah.
Let me show you.
Nineteen eighty. Fuck. That was citation for a car.
Come see the Beretta.
I don't know what would have been out in 1980 for Chevy's cars. I think it's a Citation. There would have been three.
They had the El Camino.
They said this is showing the worst Camaro ever.
Wow.
We knew that.
Bench warrant. Yeah.
Does that mean they now own the property she put up?
No.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
If you let her out on bail weeks.
Start.
Right.
She got processed and sent home.
So she's got the money for it already.
Yeah.
Maybe we should have put a lien on that property before.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
We will spend every tax dollar we have.
That's this murdering bad woman.
You can't do that nowadays, can you? No.
I mean, they pretty much called her murder whore, so why not?
That's too amazing.
Yeah, and it seems like if you catch him, you'll probably catch her.
Probably dumb.
Bright pink, raw dick.
They always tell on themselves.
Why do we do it? It's got to be psychological, right? Oh, it has to be. It's in your mind already, so you're just going to say it?
Fuck, it's early.
What fucking time did you guys wake up? This is ridiculous.
I'd suck a cock to go back to sleep.
She's got to run out of money somehow.
I can't believe it.
Oh, my God.
And I was hammered.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What will the new one do? It'll make them smile.
There's a parade. Whatever.
A star high school player, a football player, who wanted to play for the Mountaineers. I think he may have went and played for the Mountaineers for like one season. Either got hurt or failed out. And then the last scene of the documentary is him plucking coal off the side of a mountain to warm himself.
Yeah.
That wacky bitch.
People live like that. But they got enough money to build replica.
So, yeah, they got to prove that he was there.
Yeah, he said he said he said he said he said.
Right.
It's really fucked up.
This second. Right this fucking minute. There are people that technologically cannot listen to what we're doing right now.
That's the most mercy I've ever heard.
Shocking. They don't even have the actual machine to go to McDonald's to get on the Wi-Fi to listen to it. They can't even do it.
Yeah.
Body work to do.
But we like the main street of yesteryear, and we'd love to just replicate it.
87.
What about that murdering trollop?
The other side of the country.
And now back to the show.
But they got the rough looking train station.
Where the fuck's she going to go?
They gave her a better chance.
Running like somebody after Chris Hansen says, have a seat. Yeah. Where do you think you're going, lady? There's cops out there.
Just giving dirty looks.
Yeah, you can't fuck your way out of this one, lady.
Good God.
What?
We're asking you.
No, she could have been Donna Carol.
Got a little doughy in the hind end, you know what I'm saying? Wow.
Yeah, you just write a name in.
Your license was paper, for Christ's sake.
Fixing your hard water, for Christ's sake.
Enjoy the flight. We'll miss you.
You're here, fucker.
Unbelievable.
Donna doesn't exist, you guys.
It's a private jet, James. This is crazy.
Oh, really?
Put her on a big flight, yeah.
She's not even your friend. Wow.
She's a good toucher.
Oh, boy.
She's a figment of our imagination. There she goes. Just a damn legend in this town.
Can they do that? Still just like put a fugitive on your plane with you and not tell the whole fucking crew?
It'd be pretty obvious, it seems like, if they handcuff you to the fucking chair.
You don't get to recline your seat this whole trip.
We're locking your chair.
I mean, if you're not doing anything illegal, why are you using a different name?
Yeah.
Oh, God, Jesus. He's got kids again.
He showed up with coffee and donuts and was like, let's get to work, boys.
Yeah.
Oh.
She's been on the lam.
She liquidated all assets and ran. And what?
What is going on in West Virginia?
She could get out in five? That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. This is why your crime is so high. There's no time.
That sounds awful.
Right.
Hmm.
Third best water softener salesman in the country has no money?
Wow.
Yeah. There's no money in water softeners.
Evidently, there's no money in it.
Apparently it'd be a pauper.
Mingo County, West Virginia.
Sounds great. Okay.
Hello, 911. Yeah, Bill didn't say good morning. Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, a very small dive shit bar.
It stinks in here. Wow.
Can't imagine. Dude, a friend of mine has one now. They're not that great now.
Oh, can't imagine.
Yeah, wood with leather straps.
Illegal. Shouldn't be.
18.
Yeah, and even then, he's got a tolerance. It's West Virginia. He had a tolerance long before then.
What day of the week is this?
It is the third bar we've been to at 4 p.m. Wow. They've been drinking for a while.
No.
Not doing it. Starting a tab and waiting for you to come back to pay it?
Is that...
How drunk are you when you'll go, I'll fight any fucking son of a bitch in this fucking bar right now. That's a lot of courage.
And back then, people are armed in these. Like, now you can't be armed in there. That's a felony in the first place.
I'm pissed off and thirsty. Let's go.
Really?
Awaiting just in case.
Throw me out.
Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Illegal slot machines and shit like that.
Yeah.
Brought a weapon.
There it is.
Uh-huh.
I'll leave.
Which one? Both ways.
Hello, 911. There's a barbecue next door. Is it too loud? No, they didn't invite me.
When told me to do.
Oh, shit.
Yeah. He hit a drunk with another drunk.
Yeah.
Old drunk in the corner pocket.
19 into the 45, both on the ground.
Yeah.
Yeah. Good point.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But then he left. Emotions are high.
The threat was over. This is why you can't have weapons with guns.
You can't do that.
He said to.
Yeah.
Mouthing off. Yeah.
If you could just shoot mouthy drunks, holy fuck, there'd be a slaughterhouse in this country.
Every night.
What do you mean this isn't dress code? What are you talking about?
I said, I'm fine. Don't cut me off.
I'm fine. That's bullshit. What do you mean, athletic shorts?
Let me talk to the manager. Let me talk to him.
I can't wear a hat in here.
Bullshit.
He made the rules I'm enforcing right now.
We go, all right, time to go. Your pants say Adidas on them, man. No, you can't be in here.
This isn't a fucking crunch fitness, sir.
What? I said she had pretty hair. You said I'd like to taste your cunt. Get out.
This is not okay. No, I said she had nice hair.
Uh-oh.
This is awesome.
Okay.
Okay.
I got a gun.
Yeah.
I wouldn't, yeah.
There should be a knife right there.
It's fascinating that that is what West Virginia did to this man, and this lady hired a man to murder and got five to 18.
Hell yeah.
That's a nice knife.
You don't need this no more. That ain't a knife. That's a nice buck knife. I'll take it.
Yeah.
Look at this. Isn't this nice? Wow. I picked it up at a murder scene.
Yeah.
Wow.
We heard about a knife. Heard tell. And we don't see it. So, I guess that's it. We need proof.
Virginia's a nutty-ass place, man. West Virginia, I mean, it's different. It's different, man. The rules don't apply to them.
You're right.
Yeah.
Take it all.
Everything we got.
This will be just shit that doesn't matter.
The first 20 minutes we're on the fucking microphones, this is what we do.
Running out the door.
disappear for six years and not even face the music jimmy hit me with that list right goddamn now this was executive producer gary howard tyler holmes matthew brit vanessa thompson second place in the fantasy league wow cottage classic docs i don't i'm not sure what that is i imagine if you google it you'll find out uh jake adronia probably it's a gna i don't know adronia adragna it's adronia right
What?
Wow.
Is that right? Yep.
Yeah, that'll do it.
You're dancing on my grave. Well, I mean, fucking ridiculous.
Holy shit.
That's the big one here.
There's 30 years of that. We can watch it.
It was murdered. What's what's not cruel about that?
10 to 3, that's much bigger.
That's the judges or the... What, the mayor? The governor? The governor's first name is Getner?
So, I mean, I think she 100 percent did it.
I guess if you're going to murder somebody, just blow everybody and then it gets washed.
They've compared that to so many things, and the only one it has been is Sherry Papini.
This week's executive producer, Andrea Fellows, Joe Boyd, and her daughter, Jocelyn. Happy birthday, Jocelyn. Happy birthday, Jocelyn.
I hope it's a great day. Kyle Norweg, see you in D.C., Kyle. That's going to be great. Kyle, I feel like he lives fucking far. Actually, no, I think he's up there. It doesn't matter. Kyle, you're terrific, can't we just say that?
I mean, if you got a little bit of each, a hodgepodge, and then just slam it together, that makes a museum.
Also, Pat McCrotch, James. I'm positive that's really their first name.
Other producers this week are Peyton Meadows, John McCoola, Janice Hill, Scarlett Horbis III, Danielle Tish, Tim Kaine, Kelsey, probably not that one, is it?
I'm sure. Kelsey Abbey, Peter's brother, Mark McNeely, Laura Gordon,
Alyssa Rockenback, Felicia Barnes, Sarah with no last name, Michelle Almeida, Ryan McClelland, Doug Kozak, Christine Kober, Dina W., David Shaddy. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
We're very jealous of Dodge City.
Damn it.
Lots of dresses with that doily around the neck.
Yeah, she's at the soda shop drinking a soda.
Fix your brother a sandwich.
52,000 people. We got a twirling academy.
Useless-ass academy.
I'll take his parents' money for the lessons for this shit he's never going to learn.
Yeah, exactly.
Heat's an iron like nobody's business.
All the way up?
Not a single button undone.
Not the one at the bottom to make it easier to sit? No?
This is a real hot piece of number, I'll tell you.
Wow.
She did it. She fished herself a good one.
Oh, Lutheran? What are they going to do?
Wow, he really, really loves her. He's doing everything for her.
She pursued him, and he's just... He's like, hell yeah. She didn't do anything for her.
Every drop, every bit, all of it.
Hell yeah.
I didn't say, do you know that they exist?
Yeah, I know all about them.
Thank you
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ruining Pictionary Night.
I mean, it's being hidden, but people are like, they're pretty fucking friendly with each other.
She didn't come back with groceries.
And her hair's a mess.
They were all out of groceries.
They had manwich and mayonnaise.
That's the least Jenny Jones you've done.
She's always involved. She wants to know everything.
Yeah, what's up with that?
Don't tell me that. It makes me feel guilty about this cock in my ass.
I saw it. Why didn't it materialize?
It's a ridiculous idea. Yeah.
Nobody has ever, ever.
Well, Subaru's open, yeah.
Yeah.
So you're going to swallow that?
In Tucson, what? In 2000, it's not out of bounds for a woman to be free with her sexuality. I mean, married and free with her sexuality is a bit much, but...
This is a... Usually stars Lisa Ann and a bunch of Cool boys.
The movers.
Also, why are there three guys delivering one pizza? Seems inefficient.
A lot of people. A lot of people. She's been here for an hour.
The least, oh my God.
He does that because he's getting paid under the table because he's a felon lady.
Hideous and boring.
It feels like he probably breathed in my church.
Super private. Spice it up when you're that boring man. No shit. The pastor who literally saves you every week can't remember you.
I think I kept him from hellfire. I don't know.
Breaking next? He's not even breaking down the M-16, James.
Okay.
Forgettable.
But from his vantage point, I can blend into everything. I'll go down on her and she'll forget me in 10 minutes.
She'll forget that I went down there.
Oh, really?
Get the fuck out. Yeah.
Yeah, because all of his brothers, every time they see her, they just pull their dick out. Yeah.
I'm the dark angel of South Korea. They know.
Everybody else knows.
And she went back – He sent her there telling her to be safe there. Yeah. And then –
And sending her back with all her own fucking student debt.
Yeah, because you're you're you're a problem.
But yeah, for all intents and purposes, one got rid of their spouse to continue this fucking.
We know what you're doing.
Get out. That'd be wonderful.
Maybe I'll brace her if she gets to meet anybody, but I'm not telling her about conquests.
Hey, Press, this is Tabitha. I go down on her a lot.
Keep that in mind when I kiss you on the cheek.
What the fuck?
Hello, adult child. I'm starting all over again.
I haven't talked to my dad in three weeks. He's got stage four cancer.
Buildings are smoldering on the other side of the country, and we got police.
Yeah.
Right. In the most available spot for wire cutters to get to.
Yeah. Right?
Yeah.
Yeah, they teach you how to cut brake lines.
Why would she say that?
I read a news story of you careening off a cliff. Are you okay? You good? Is that okay? I made it to a garage where they fixed my brake lines, you cut, you psychotic bitch.
Yeah.
She is.
I was just going to say this is backwards.
We should have all changed our life insurance policy people to Ed McMahon and surprised the shit out of him every single day.
Why do people keep giving me money? I'm making a ton every day. Every day, Prudential and State Farm, they're all ringing my doorbell.
What?
Oh, I don't know.
Publishers Clearinghouse. Nope. What was it?
Is it not Publishers Clearinghouse?
It was a different one.
It wasn't even Publishers Clearinghouse. No, no. Every reference ever was, this better be Publishers Clearinghouse and Ed McMahon with a big old fucking check for me.
A lot of hillbillies like to start sentences, like I say, or like I said.
My grandmother does it. It's like, baby, you didn't say this yet.
Or five minutes ago she thought it and didn't say it out loud.
Just a minute ago he was there.
Was she shot and grazed with a shotgun too? No.
Uh-oh.
Prudential man just bought one.
Goddamn.
And by the way- 10 fucking minutes with those shots? Ouch.
Yeah, you can't talk with your, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yes, he had to reload.
Right, right, right.
You've got to break it, yank it out, and throw a new one in.
There's no rack in it. Single-shot shotguns are useless.
It's a children's gun.
But it's a 16-gauge. The 20-gauge is really for the 15- to 16-year-old boys.
You can certainly hurt people with them, yeah.
I'm not belittling it. I'm just saying a single shot's not necessarily a great murder weapon.
Oh, Christ.
Sure would appreciate my neighbor's head getting sawed off just for some excitement around here. Just give me some action.
Don't say anything. Shut up.
Missing kid for a couple hours. Anything.
You were there. We need information out of you.
Even if they find the kid tomorrow, I'm fine with it.
And you hate him.
Like a mental patient.
When you've got a gun around and one's been fired, you start remembering those things that happened in that moment. You never forget them.
Break in the hot tub. That's not that's a gross.
Gigstad, I think you're a very good investigator. You've done a nice job.
I'm real loosey-goosey with my handgun. I just, you know, fuck it. Yeah, I just bought it. I don't know. It's mine. I can do with it what I want.
I'm told that's how you dispose of them.
He's pretty good.
Fat bastard.
One of those suicide stools.
This guy, whoever did it, is a complete dipshit.
That's not a good person to have your house key.
You know what I mean?
Jeez.
You're not going to take the kids to bury their father?
No, I think I'd put it together real quick.
Oh, what?
Right. The guys got away and they're coming back.
Well, my dad was telling me he's going to put a baby in somebody. Yeah.
They were going to gather.
He's just going to say shit out loud and think everybody will forget this without a problem.
This is also a Tornado Alley fucking place.
That's crazy.
So these people decided to plan a murder and then we'll plan the rest of it later? What the fuck?
Insurance, murder, then we'll plan the rest.
I heard Argentina's nice at this time of year.
I'm going to go change your oil, honey. I'm a good dad.
And then told me gross sex stories. Oh, God.
Yeah, the little guy that used to be a magnet or a sticker that people used to put on their cars.
Yeah. Remember all that free pussy I gave you?
Grab a bottle of wine and draw a bath.
Oh, my God.
Right.
Oh, those are fun.
This is Duke. Isn't he adorable?
Well, that's probably 9-11 did that.
Maybe natives are just clicking that one because the natives aren't options or something?
Thank you.
Yeah.
I mean, there's some physical, too. There is.
There's no forensics, but that's because he did such a great job of getting rid of the gun.
Okay.
Oh, boy.
Oh, shit.
Wow.
That seems like a lot.
200 or something is incredible. I kind of want to read that. Tickle his feet?
Make me smack you.
No fish? You're in Mexico? Come on, lady.
Yeah, it's a pretty big deal.
And it looks believable.
It's very specific.
I mean, you're buying the property and the footprint because you're just going to scrape it.
Jesus Christ. Imagine that.
Gentle animal for the murder that's coming up.
I would say it's not very easy at all for you.
You blew it.
That'll stretch in Mexico.
That's fantastic.
Sorry your old lady's so uptight, Galen. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Is that a play on slush puppy? I don't know what he's doing.
Yeah. You skank duckling bitch. I'm trying to say sick puppy, but also... Slut puppy. Slut puppy. I don't know. That sounds great.
Is it because she got him a puppy and she's a slut?
I don't know what he's doing.
How about a loose, nice woman?
Oh, my God. That's a big one.
Come through and get bullied without a single word.
Like it says in the Bible, fuck around and find out, you know? You know what I'm saying?
He's throwing out cliches and made up cliches of a trivia.
Oh, they just misdiagnosed him. The man's not retarded. He's just dangerous.
What is this?
Transformers, man.
What the fuck is it? It's a little brick house with a pig on it.
I feel like you could probably write to him, and he'll write the fuck back.
That's really good on the coffee cup. That person's face is fucked up.
Yeah, the nose is a ball bag.
He's got an amazing rendition of one of the fucking Dalmatians. That's beautiful.
Yeah, it's a Dalmatian.
He writes like Stevie.
Yeah, it looks like you fucked that pig's face.
They all have their eyes are either too far apart or crooked.
Yeah.
Ball bag nose.
Who is Reagan Reverd?
Yeah, he didn't draw it. He just colored it.
The girl is always the same.
How is he seeing new money? Look at that. That's the new bills.
This week's executive producer, Angela Corey. Wow. Thank you so much. You're an angel. Thank you.
She lost her job and quit Patreon because of it. And then she came back to donate a giant amount of money that she didn't have to do. Thank you so much, too. Angela, that's very kind. Thank you. Gary Howard also, thank you so much. He's got a grandson that's getting bigger all the time. Other producers this week, Peyton Meadows. Happy Hour is in Lafitte, Louisiana. Thank you, Happy Hour.
Pleasure to see you. Janice Hill, Sherri Lynn Henderson, Audrey Allen.
She's constant.
So nice.
You do too much and you don't have to. We appreciate it.
Sherilyn Henderson, Audrey Allen, Ricky Hargett. Taylor Marcelino. Goldino with no last name. Joshua Gary Alley with no last name.
The great Goldino. Yes, he makes pizzas. Jace Chancellor. It is Kalen Saros. Chris Bourne. That is Jason's brother, right? Abel Martinez, right? Is it Jason Bourne? Yeah. Sandals with no last name. Rebecca Brookshire. You didn't watch those movies? Nah, not at all. I don't like action shit. I don't care. I understand pop culture references. Ashley Young. Holly Stansberry. Dakota Jenkins.
Stephanie Deese. Abby Bowden. Bowden, maybe. Cameron Craft. Lisa Stelter. Yes. Hayden Smith. Samantha with no last name. Sam O'Connor. Elizabeth Jacobs. April C. Sam Coleman. Derek Schwab. Tiffany West. Bob Soa. Jody Moore. Alexandra LeClaire. Carrie Fowler. James Wilkinson. Naomi with no last name. Ash Egan Burke. Daniel Hardesty. Allison Rainford. Justin Johnson. Shane McDowell. Sludge Monkey.
Gross. Amanda Smith.
A sludge monkey sounds like a poop dick. That's vile. Yeah, it does. Anita Falk, Joe Bryant, Kathleen Schmidt, Alyssa Wilson, Lola Brown, Michelle Wood, Jessica Jones, Robin Noguchi, Elliot Worm, Zach Duffy, Matt... Harris, Doug Rose, Bruce with no last name, Wake, Waki, oh, that's going to be a correct autocorrect. An autocorrect on your end. Agbenia? Yeah, Wake is not the first name.
It's something else. Agbenia, though, is your last name. Laura Jo, Tiffany Osborne, Laura with no last name, Montromancer, Montromancer. Bradley Germain, maybe German, maybe German. We don't know. Sophie Hull, Jennica Angus. She signed up twice. Thank you, Jennica. Tommy would know the last name. Danielle would know the last name. Whiskey would know the last name.
Cassandra Hegabo, bad news, bad new. James Mahaffey. Christina Brennan. Madison Parker. Missy Johnson. Nancy would know the last name. Luis Block Lois. No, if it's Luis. Cassie Wernley. Wernley. Staff McGot. McGo. Staff McGo. I don't know. I don't know what you want me to say. Rebecca Reifschneider Gochi, I think. Julie Sanchez. Reba Talbot. Tara with no last name. Laura Bird. Kaya. Kaya Stroh.
Stroh like the beer. Kachina Cameron Jacobson. She's got Stroh's money. Teresa, not a stat.
Not a lot of money there. It's like $1.90 for like a 12-pack.
Maddie Osborne, Olivia Bernal, Nicola Sundin, Inhabit Jewelry, Christine M., Lindsay Stratton, Kate Cheatwood, Virginia Babu, Wendy Brown, Wendy Friedland. Rachel. Nope. Yeah, that's Rachel Roach. Perhaps Roachy. Feeling Funny. Erica S. Gretchen Hagenbuch. Hagenbuch. Crystal Howell. Corey Frankenhauser. Frankenhauser? Trey DeWitt. Brittany McNatt. Jacqueline McGinnis-Green. Lynn and Caroline.
Carolina. Hammers. Joey Jenkins. Dave and Jade Boharnois. What the fuck?
Tucker Besosa. Tyler Harrison. Jesse Robbins. Mitchie Bags. Mike Holland. James Fleming. Jimmy is adorable. Ken Morris. I'm disgusting. Jeremy Regan. Regan. Regan. Reagan. Maria Noel. Peter Cerny. Doc with no last name. Wyatt Gray. How about that? Doc and Wyatt donated.
Fascinating. Andrew Hillis, Eric Enos, Kathy with no last name, Pookie with no last name, Ricky Lindsey, Shelly with no last name, Christopher Clark, Sfern, Sfern, Sfer, Sfer Kern, Sferry, I don't know, Maria, uh, Paolella, Paolella, that's fucking, that's mind-bending.
Monica Monica Rola Alex with no last name Tammy with no last name Rain with no last name and Elizabeth with no last name and then obviously every other person that's a patron you guys are the best thank you so much thank you so much everybody for all that you do for us for everything you do week after week keep coming back and seeing us tell your friends tell everybody about it and keep coming back like you said you want to follow us on social media shut up and give me murder.com drop down menus take anywhere you want to be
He's a recycle bin.
He's like, yeah, throw that in the trash.
It's remarkable.
There's a vacuum pig mouth.
And it's free.
Okay, so they got rid of the litter goat. The litter goat sounds like much more practical, and it seems right because goats will fucking eat anything. Pigs don't eat bottles. They don't eat paper, right?
And a dead person. They'll eat the clothes on the person.
That's what happens when you have money.
What's this riffraff doing here?
Troy is a shithole.
It's a little grainy town, yeah.
Really?
Fascinating.
When you lost the lid to the Cool Whip Bowl and you're just like, plastic wrap.
And also— When the Cool Whip Bowl's lid got melted in the dishwasher.
Now it's warped.
Oh, what's that smell?
You'll have to use Saran Wrap forever on this.
I guess I didn't even realize that exists.
I just stayed there. It's beautiful.
Oh, no.
Okay.
And she has to do this again. And then probably strike three was really bad.
Yeah.
We're going to get to the bottom of this and see if we can't fix it. The smartest people on the planet.
Which he probably does.
They gave scholarships to the wrong kids.
Walking all over the place.
No, no, no.
American history. The guy was everything.
Yeah, yeah. When you have money like that too, like you're staying in –
Some sort of Glenn Livid or something?
It's not good.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, no.
That's so fucked up.
Meaning like everybody in the house recognizes him as the. That's it.
Princess Allison and the retard. That's so fucked.
yeah so you're not gonna have him over yeah it's like a friend coming over the house and dad comes home and goes where's the retard yeah and they go they're talking about me or you know he's in his room with his friend like the friend's gonna know that your nickname is awful at all and then what's gonna happen at school so right
That's fucked up.
OK.
The accident.
He's a retarded girl.
That's what his parents are making him be. Ah, Jesus.
Ah, Jesus.
Nice.
Oh.
So that's why his dad did this to him.
And he's the only one of the kids that's at this special school. Yeah. And he's clearly slower than everybody else at learning. And just give him some fucking time, you guys.
They're brutal.
Firearms.
You're teaching him how to murder.
Yeah, I don't know. People do it. I don't understand the bonding of that experience. That's fucking crazy.
I get it. If that's your survival thing, if you're going to go out and eat all that, that's great. Good for you.
I don't know.
I just don't want to take my kid out and be like, take this gun, child.
James, you've got to tame the population. It's out of control. They're going to shit everywhere.
Yeah.
That's actually kind of cool.
I've seen this. This is amazing.
It would hold on to him.
No!
What pets was he catching?
You can catch dogs?
I wanted to see the windows break.
And really, you've got things in the house. Your mom made beans or something. Take the cans.
Okay, I guess never mind. I don't understand this.
that's what he said so his concept of everything is way skewed and off he doesn't doesn't get shit so he used to say things like if you hit my truck uh i'll kill you bike when you go buy it yeah i'm the the you'll heal the truck won't is what they would say so they probably said that to him and that's why he probably said don't worry the bike's okay
That was dismemberment.
That's nuts.
So they raised somebody that's an alcoholic.
Okay.
Down the Cape every summer?
God damn it.
It's incredible.
Yeah. I mean, it'd be very hard to make the cape an awful memory.
Under the fucking uniform?
What a fascinating, I guess that makes all the sense. He's probably not the only one that's ever done that.
They like the feeling of bloomers.
Why, James?
Oh, God, Jesus.
His father knew.
Yep.
And you know there's that.
It's not anything. It's not a big deal.
I mean, as many serial killers or people that do bad things that do that, there's probably a thousand that didn't.
Yeah, they were either breastfed or drank fucking formula.
Hell yeah.
Something that you can have an open conversation about at the church cookout. I'm fine with it.
give a fuck what underwear you're wearing.
I'm only wearing ruffled bloomers.
Really?
It's the end tip. It's beautiful.
It's a fucking party.
He's got a portion of his brain that certainly works.
You can bring the ice sculpture and then make a seven course hors d'oeuvres and fucking dinner thing. You can make all kinds of cash.
That's crazy because that'll thin them out tremendously.
It's asparagus potatoes.
That's asparagus. That's crazy.
Don't piss on the potatoes.
What? Why?
People or something. What is that?
Very soft there.
Send a self-addressed.
I'm busy.
What happened? I want to know why I know so much about Bethesda that I don't know anything about it.
It's a very strange shaped place.
So he joins if he caught anything.
Love to know if that worked.
Yeah, the aircraft carrier.
In the ocean, yeah.
You got to take orders, man.
The infraction was just because they didn't like him?
Yeah, maybe it was in the wire.
Right, yeah, because he said something crazy, and they were like, we can't do this.
Oh.
Yeah.
They should have gave him more than that.
Really?
Jeff can't do it.
Like childhood.
Yeah, Bradfield.
That's about how long you should probably marry.
It is.
Oh, no.
She's not for you, Bradfield.
Yeah.
No, but she certainly wants that dick.
There's certainly a sexual tension there.
Well, a reminder that maybe you could do it again.
Pay your rent in anything but currency.
Oh.
Dropkick them a cart in the Newport.
She still didn't come to. Oh, my God. She has so much brain damage.
What?
From walking and smoking, smoking and walking.
Oh, my.
Crazy.
Oh, Jesus. She's still alive.
Oh, my God.
She died from the dismemberment. That's crazy.
Yeah, where's my wife?
Yeah.
Really fucking his life up.
Bethesda's safe because I've been to Uganda.
I hope Allison's okay.
Wow.
What?
Why him?
Yeah.
We're real excited because we haven't found it yet.
I can tell you what she's not doing is she didn't go get a job somewhere because she doesn't like it here.
We're really encouraged that we haven't found the body yet. She's probably off being successful somewhere.
You'll hear about her soon when they write articles about her successful cupcake business.
That's yeah.
He probably felt like the pancreatic is penance for what he's given the society.
You don't break into shit.
Yeah. No, it's just us.
I haven't been in the Navy in a long time and you got kicked out.
This is not a point of pride. This is disappointment.
Oh, it's only dress. Is his dress white?
If he could still fit it, that's pretty good.
The construction causes mayhem?
I mean, mostly that second part.
Yeah, because you're six.
I'm an adult.
I can't kill my dad. You're six and think you're mentally superior to me. You're going to die.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Slash, slash, slash. Okay.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
You got to wait for Rahal to take the picture.
I think it was Rahal that won, probably. Or Mario Andretti. I don't know one of those fucking guys. There's only like six fucking famous ones.
Really?
This person wants somebody to do everything for them.
Oh, but he regrets those words.
And this person is an incapable person of taking care of themselves.
Why would he tell them that?
This asshole.
Mechanics are not that hard.
And you might start to believe them when they say, we can help you, we can get you home, whatever the fuck.
Hell yeah.
If you've got a scanner, it's not hard. You just got to take fucking everything apart to do it.
Oh, boy, he's having a break.
He's not wrong.
I mean, okay. Call her at me, man, because I'll believe it. If you can bring the little girl back, I'm listening.
Yeah, you can't do that.
I bet he can fix everything today, too. He just needs the computer that tells him what to do.
Just tell him he's making potatoes.
He just wants some.
And then you've got to take everything out to do one little thing.
What is the deal?
Right. Sample it.
Yeah, that's wild, man.
I think you only get it when you're certified.
Right. You've got to have a plan.
That's a weird day.
Why do you set yourself up to have that day?
Yeah.
Not your own? You don't do that. Nope. Not a relative. Yeah.
With their parents present, if it's not yours.
Yeah, that could be precarious also.
That's the worst response to this picture that you could have.
That's a cute kid. You shouldn't be throwing up.
This guy hates kids.
Oh, God, Jesus. Do you need more fuel for that vomit?
So he would meals in his face.
Yeah. And you're a psycho Cinderella. This is fucking horrific.
Oh, he fished them.
He shrimped them.
The company I worked at, they had to retire a truck that they did that to me with a tilapia under the front seat.
On a Memorial Day weekend.
With the windows up. And I threw up. I opened the door and threw up.
And they had to retire the truck. It was useless.
They sent it out to detail it, and then it came back, and it smells worse.
It's a dead animal, man, and it just smells like death, and it never goes away. Nope.
Dude, after it's already over? Like, he fished them. He shrimped them. And then he came back and hung the cat.
No, he's just terrorizing these people with the worst things.
In the chimney, he's going to smoke a fish head, too.
That one probably smells nice.
Hodgepodge. They just happen to have seven or eight more.
I'd sure like to now.
That should let you know how bad your life is. Get it together.
It's a vast improvement of his life.
Well, read this here.
These people are crushing life.
It's going to stink of a sovereign citizen, but they're going to get to the bottom and they'll understand.
Oh, you're crazy.
Fantastic.
You're making three times the national average in money.
Shouldn't be able to be bought together.
You don't just need this, you son of a bitch.
You shouldn't be able to buy those, and for sure.
Exactly. You should have to ask, who the fuck is that? You don't get to write victim.
Yeah. For every half a million dollar house, there's a million and a half.
You know what I mean? Yeah. People just go and park them in a parking lot.
That's not about 2014. What do you got there? That's a nice horse.
Unless you're going to be a teacher at Harvard.
You could have done this at the community college.
Oh, my God.
What a nightmare.
All the way to the purse?
Horror movie shit.
Oh.
This is crazy.
I don't give a fuck.
You're it.
I don't like this.
What the fuck?
What in the fuck?
Yeah, big gal.
It's wild that he brought a gun and then just so personally didn't do anything with it.
His answers to questions are always wrong.
So officers chase him, obviously.
That's fucking horrifying.
So OJ stealing his shit. Not this time.
It worked once before.
I thought he was going to propose.
Like the guy from Fat Albert.
Yeah. You're still there, man.
Right, yeah.
Okay.
This is the middle house.
Yeah, because they don't have anything.
Super wrong.
Thunder Buddy.
It's not that incredible. I mean, it makes sense.
Yeah. Being separate.
You charbroiled a titty, man. It's not happening.
Man alive. Imagine being able to own that.
Overbearing?
And also, they look like they would wear a Sherlock Holmes hat.
What's that dog's name? Is that dog's name Buford? Are they from Buford?
Even oysters.
Oh, that's a way to confuse the fuck out of that poor thing.
Got anything newer, Buford?
Oh, my God.
They ran out of people to put bedrooms in. They're just like, we've got so much more room. Just make more bathrooms.
Oh, my God.
No.
That's a long time.
That would have been absolutely bonkers if he buried a body on top of his dad.
What's that idea?
You have a cellmate and you're hanging meat in here?
What the fuck?
Oh, boy.
And I got the name Kristen from my mother.
God damn.
I hate it.
Yeah. And we'll talk about that. Very childlike.
Quality of drawing, yeah.
I don't like the part that he gave them, too.
Hitler youth shit.
Oh, boy.
That never indicates guilt. Nope.
I don't know what that is.
That is a wild song.
Throwing her in there.
Yeah.
That's not what we asked.
Oh, boy. Great.
This is not going well.
Yeah. We shine light into the darkness.
I'm not even sure why or what this is.
He's still working on me.
Okay. Okay.
Or he he rose and really took it out on you.
Oh, internally, there's a battle in there.
Paisley's are the design on bandanas, sir. You can say Paisley.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, boy.
That is so much information. He didn't forget a thing.
Oh, my God. That's so fucked.
Hey, you broke dummies, stay away. Yep.
That's a lot to remember.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I want answers if you give them to me.
Oh, we've been thinking about it.
Oh, my God.
He made us do it. This sucks.
Those are quiet enough. If somebody puts a silencer on that, dude, you can snuff out an entire family with those things and not hear Pete. That's crazy.
Yeah, you can't have that, ma'am.
And also, you're in possession of a fucking suppressor with no stamp. You are in federal... That's a crazy charge. You don't want that, ma'am.
Matt, you were holding a silencer.
So you're not a flamer.
Are you kidding?
Identification and murder weapon tools were there.
For the kiddie stuff.
Hiding behind that fucking uniform.
I don't care who has the job.
If you weren't a murderer and convicted of simple assault on a child.
You sullied my uniform, you cocksucker.
He's acting like a soldier and a veteran doesn't commit crime sometimes.
They should get a nice prison where people are in awe of them.
He really wants accommodations for nothing.
Fuck you. Every day he needs a blowjob for what he's done.
Yeah, yeah.
We got Doritos in a bag.
This week's executive producers are Andrew Newman. Yep. Mark and Chrissy Such. Hey, happy birthday. No, happy anniversary.
Jesus.
There's so many. I could never. Matthew Reed, thank you, bud. That was very nice. Happy Hour got a mortgage in Texas. Hey! That's too bad. I'm sorry about it. I hope you get home to, I guess, a better place.
Joe Gleason won the Crime and Sports and Small-Term Order Fantasy League, James. Good for you.
We should give him something. They did. He won money.
I mean, we just did. We'll give him something.
Joe messaged somebody, and we'll send you something.
Tracy, thank you. You went above and beyond, and that deserves something.
Because we don't have any that live here.
All of you, thank you so much for what you're doing. You're amazing people. Other producers this week, Liz Vasquez, Peyton Meadows, 12-year-old Lucas Martel, 12-year-old. What are you doing listening to this?
God damn it.
Did your parents buy you an iPhone and they don't even know you do this?
On his fucking Airpods.
I don't know if you're a good kid or a bad kid. I can't tell.
That's all. Janice Hill, Andrew Bailey, Will with no last name, Brandon Camerato. Camerata. Camerota. Sammy Wright. Jordan Kippen. Carmen McTurner. It's Russ, man. Chris Cope. Nope. Chris Pope. Sarah with no last name. Amber Cramer. Cranmer. Olivia Horniak. Horniak. Is that right? That is. Horniak. Grace. One, two, three, four. Crystal Volts. Elizabeth Van De Velde. Uh...
D'Wanya, D'Wanya Kelly, Ellen Medley, Michael Baird, Zach Chipman, DM, D like the person, D-E-E like Mr. Brown, but with the letter M. Andrew Gilliam.
Andrew Gilliam, do we know, is that the, do we know Andrew Gilliam?
It's a different Gilliam, isn't it? It's not Andrew.
This is Andrew Gilliam.
Was there a Gilliam? Armand Gilliam.
All right. Well, Gilliam. Thank you. Mike with no last name. Megan Dallaire. Stephen Baker. Beth... Cooful. Cuffle. Carla McGee.
Carla McGee. Manders with no last name. Mitchell Forrester. Justine Rogers. Karen Lowe. Alex with no last name. Bethan Williams. Beth Hurst. Yeah. Matt Helmers. Addie Barot. Barot, maybe. At eye. Vaughn Robinson. Linda Hefner. Hugh's daughter, I imagine. Jesus Christ. Would Hugh have a daughter named Linda? Is he that old? Carrie Bargin?
Ryan McCarty, Tony McKay, Bowtie Mouse, Joseph Lehman, Bradley Myers, Erica Maxson, Ally McAttack, and Stroke Malone. What the fuck? Nicola Everson. Julianne Cabrera. Amy Hagerman. Kristen Camille. Connie Walters. Mary Kramer Wachter. Watched her. Laura Freeze. Watched her do what? Watched her.
Watched her Kramer.
Laura Fries, Jonathan Bird, Elena with no last name, Julianne Beck, Walter Bubba Brooks III, Ann Robinson, Tracy with no last name, Tony Maldonado, Maldonado, Natazia, Stacy with no last name, Barb Pressler, Shizuka with no last name, Morgan Bowling, Lacey Lynn, Courtney, I said that, Monica Hammonds, Mads, what did she donate twice? Courtney, damn it. Courtney, so nice she did it twice.
Unbelievable. Mads Wilkins, Ellen, Elian, with no last name. Tarla Baloo. What is it? Gonzalez? Yes, Elian Gonzalez. He's back. Little bastard who got himself a raft. Melinda Johnson. Camila Rodriguez, the Pinto, DiPino, Carson with no last name, Mike Sipko, Paige Burns, Burris. All right. Zach Kell with no last name. That is a last name, Kell. Jesus. Colleen Connolly.
Christine MacArthur with no last name, Taylor Strouch, Karen Napoli, James Gilstrap, Ansley Wimbish, Ryan Critchett, Abby Hubble, Madeline Kacharski, Nick Legault, Joseph Reynolds, Sweet Biggins, Alexandra Smith, Ian Boxell, Joseph Payne, Mike Forehand, Charles Hafter, After. You have to. Georgie. Georgie Dunn. Elton. Elta. Abbott. Lauren Coulter. Christian F. Lindsay with no last name.
Rather not. Hannah Sonnenberg. Patricia Dishman. Charity with no last name. M&D. Chris with no last name. Sierra with no last name. Rob Bossman. Spencer Davis. Kira Lee. Michael King. Nick Kiefer. Louise Flanagan. Falzerano, Dave Clark, Hannah Souza, Amanda Enright. What? Is that right? Yes, it is right. All right.
Papa Tanku, Jason with no last name, Larry Barnhart, Virgil Casanova, Mike Manchak, Prophet Black, Angie Green, Zach Jackson.
Sarah Vand, Hallie Vieira, Gina Rodriguez, Laura Wilkinson, Diane Schneider, Amy Mackey, Luis Martinez, Luis Martinez, Steve Fullard, David Scott Rine, Jute Boot, Mary Cass, Laurel Mitchell, Clay Billingsley, Amy L. Erica with no last name, Mike LeChase, Terry Trufant, Jessica Boucher, Boucher, Krista Isabel, Reyes with no last name. That is a last name. Jeffrey Gregg, Jana Matthews.
This is Nathan L. and every one of our patrons. Thank you all so much.
An Eagles cover band.
All these people open for Travis Tritt.
What's the chances it's just a dude named Travis Tritt that lives there?
What are you going to do?
With a strap across their chest.
He brought all the flavors he knows up.
Yeah, the French got a lot of desserts.
And the same outlet in the wall.
Taco Bell's helpful.
Are they?
Taco Bell, ugh.
Well, that's what I'm making you eat then.
I make them eat that too because then it kind of, like it's reverse psychology to me. I don't know. It's me showing them what bad fast food is and hopefully they don't want it. But- I fucking love that place.
It feels like a month of studying a globe. You should be done.
Your ass is ours.
It's a very common place to send people, I guess. It's a very popular base.
Swim back, fucker.
And it teaches them how to lower their heart rate so that they're just fucking calm.
What they do is teach them how to just be murderers.
California's got the outdoor life if you love it.
Unless there's like an obvious enormous conflict where everybody's involved. Unless it's World War II.
I don't know how it works, and I don't like it.
I don't want to be in there.
It doesn't make sense.
I'm not doing that.
If something spins... Anything attached to it is going to fucking spin. I don't get it.
I suppose, but they're not attached to something.
I don't know how that does it.
Guys, the big fan's going to stop in a minute.
The big fan's slowing down.
I knew it.
I mean, you could really generate a shitload of them and then just sit back and coach them.
No, and they're in constant need, right?
I'm Jimmy Wissman.
Why don't you get the job closer to home in telecommunications?
Like land the crew out there?
Or supplies.
Yeah, that rig is kind of anchored, right?
It's not moving.
It's like a firefighter, but a little more strenuous before you get your time off.
Yeah.
Big Kit Carson fan.
We'll call you Chrissy until you're a grown man. Then we'll call you Chris.
Oh, and the little ones.
I think, yeah.
Oh, like the ones that you have.
Rainbow colors and shit.
Everything he knows is military.
Ball in your whites.
Do those still exist? We have to find those.
That's just called Charlie's.
it's so fucking bad i gotta buy one get one at your house and i housed both i remember i remember i don't even know that i was getting two it just showed up with two i was like well i'm eating all of it i was like oh man and then what happened to you i got sick
Yes, that's exactly what it was.
They put fucking mayo on it, and I was like, well, and I noticed it halfway through the second one.
Well, I've already put all that in me. Whatever.
Boy, did I get sick.
It's over.
This is certainly an indicator.
Hope there's a bonus toilet.
Okay.
I can see. But...
Fascinating. But if your ex-wife was or if your mom was a Navy officer and beat the shit out of you, would you look for a Navy officer woman?
Blonde with big tits. Very nice.
Those are not in demand.
Quite obsolete.
Goddamn.
No matter what. 2004, that's a wild time to have that happen.
Probably fell into that saw with that eight-foot diameter circular saw.
Probably.
Yeah, OSHA should get on board with that.
I mean, it's only been at least 18 months since they stopped seeing each other.
That's an interesting choice.
He's got a rental property and he's staying in his ex-wife's house.
I mean, there's only so many rubs on the shoulders you can do in a friendship way.
And also, eventually, you've got to meander around to the titties.
There'll be regret in a little while, but for now.
Doing fine.
That's the first one, right? That's like the first deployed, right? I know the numbers in front of the, it's just to throw off the enemy. But that 101st, I think that's the first ones deployed.
That'll keep you occupied for five, ten years.
Yeah, unless you're hiring a contractor to do everything for you.
At least you know the stage you're at.
I keep hearing hammering.
They're drilling again. I thought that was done.
It's his favorites, those ponies.
Sure.
That's something.
There's a few colors I will never do.
Not your house.
I've never seen a yellow house and been like, that's the ticket.
Oh, this gave up. I don't want to do this.
Okay. A concealed weapons class should only be on paper and in books.
The county line runs through his property.
Ah, fantastic.
50 yards from the house.
Will you drive a U-Haul for me?
Don't bother them. They're contemplating and very depressed about how they're about to die.
Leave them to their bread pudding.
Exactly.
Sometimes you need an extra tool in the toolbox to cope and deal with the day.
Yeah.
Yeah, because when you're on some sort of a diet or any kind of keeping an eye on things, those are one of the first things to go.
Unless the computer and the disks all had classified stamped right the fuck on them.
Big red letters that are just like a rubber stamp.
Part of the letters are missing, but he can tell that that said classified.
You took shit out of my garage and called the FBI.
What is going on?
Cal's a rat.
Cal's got some loose fucking lips. Jesus.
That's a terrible thing to do.
Yes, but?
Accidentally?
Yeah, they're not like a lamp.
You'd have to, both of you, throw shoulders into that like a football tackling dummy.
Yeah, because it's got liquid in there and that's the stable part.
With hundreds of pounds of liquid in it.
Or when you're not and you just did.
Yeah.
Or how do we do it? Willy nilly.
Does he get the texturizing scissors and give it a real nice?
Good luck.
God damn.
Cat of nine tails, right?
Nobody should be hit with that.
Is that petechia?
You can't grab my leg.
Trying to do my finishing move.
You can't cheat.
So bitch valets really get that.
Holy fuck.
That's crazy.
It's in the face?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Your name is Toby.
That's so bad.
I can't imagine being so mad at a child that you hit him like that.
It looks like the cheeks on the left side of his face.
You just cost yourself $400.
Lederhosen. Was that somewhere else? I don't know.
Is it? Yeah. That's very awkward and uncomfortable clothing. You can't just wear that everywhere.
I'm putting the hose in hosen.
We're the same size. This guy just wants to call me a dork and then body slam me.
He's going to DDT me after he calls me for it.
Holy shit.
i think they're doing their job that's what they're supposed to do right i mean oftentimes somebody in an abusive relationship will say no you have to ask several times in several different ways assure them you can keep them safe things like that yeah it's gonna be okay if you feel that you are threatened they ask different different verbiage to get them to admit because eventually
Is he charging you money for what he calls protection?
Has there ever been any mysterious fires around here?
Are you going to see what I'm saying?
There's a lot of words in there that feel old-timey.
On his back like that?
Crazy.
Wait, it's Elijah Justin. What?
Okay.
Yeah. Just the facts, man.
She's a polygamist.
He's a rat, so yeah.
He's going to be very upset.
The doctor has a store. That's...
They give you a fucking window, 8 to 10, 8 to noon, whatever the fuck.
Hope you bought the hoses.
Hope you bought the plug.
So a fucking refrigerator. There's no plug. Are you shitting me?
Yeah, I remember that doesn't fit the new fridge. What the fuck is going on?
Yeah.
Everything. Yeah. They sell you a plug. Charge me $50 more and give me the motherfucking plug.
Maybe he's just a doctor of literature. We don't know. We don't know.
Did you not do that in case I buy it in Germany and you can put the right plug? You know where you're sending it. Send the plug.
Who the fuck is so cheap that they're like, take $50 off and I'll buy it. Well, then you don't get the plug. Deal. What?
Just give me the fucking plug.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Both are thoughtful, I suppose.
Text me and see if it's okay.
Hey, you want to talk?
Can't imagine why you wouldn't want to talk about your dog with cancer.
Well, I know that Pam's back and everything's fine.
Oh, my God.
Those hunters killed the car.
I don't have my tag for that. Let's get out of here.
That game warden's going to arrest us. We got to run.
High knees, T-Roy. Let's go.
Someone tried to burn the house down.
What the fuck?
Ed Danzaro's got a pistol in their yard.
Right. That's just putting two passengers and then getting out.
How did Ed die?
Yeah, because this gun doesn't match it, yeah.
Can't confirm it, but it can't.
The other word.
And then maybe Ed heard the scream? I don't know.
Ed might have seen... Seems like they all just involved themselves with each other, so they're going to be around each other.
You want fun. You got to have an imagination.
Joan is fucking badass.
So both of these sides are going to say that the other person did it because his testimony would benefit them.
A stick, a shoestring and a fucking coat hanger. Get to work and make something fun.
Oh, no.
I got hacked. The the admission of guilt without saying I did it. Yes, exactly. Ever present. Anytime anybody says I was hacked.
He's convicted of hurting children, man.
Oh, it's the little ones.
Did you say he moved? You said he moved.
Yeah, he's flying out of Charlotte.
Is that right? No shit. Surprise, surprise. It's not delivering payload of fucking weaponry, sir.
Jesus Christ.
Can't do barrel rolls in this.
They assume Apple green screen.
It's not flying through enemy territory.
He does fly it with night vision.
It's 10 p.m., man. It's dark.
Fuck yeah.
Fucking...
Do this job with no credit.
Figured it out.
We should have some footage of something.
And it's a little late, but we should have had these in the first place.
Do we got a fingerprint from his thumb putting it in the fucking bag?
That's not good.
That's very low.
Why are you trying to wake up so early, Kit?
We need a room. We need a dinner.
What are we doing? Also, what if that guy found out mid-flight, you know what I mean, somehow found out mid-flight that he was going to be arrested when he landed and just drove this motherfucker into a mountain?
Oh, my God.
Listen here, Captain speaking. It's going to be hot where we're going because we are destined for hell.
Perhaps Google the nearest consulate. We're going to be landing in the water.
Hope you brought your passport. Enjoy the flight.
Going to an island. Oh, yeah. We're going down to the fucking Bahamas.
Where are the fucking bananas and coconuts? This is bullshit.
It was a very hot, bare-chested man.
We're the largest carrier in the country. We hire anybody. We hire anybody.
You'll fly with us again. It's cheap.
Nobody else is going there. You'll fly with us. See you on the next flight.
Non-stop to Norfolk doesn't exist.
One of us, me or my bag, will get there.
Helped is a little hero. Yeah.
He's well aware of what goes on over there.
It feels like a kid's beating the kid again. I'm going to go get him.
Oh, okay.
Her landlord's were beaten to death.
She got a new couch.
Okay, so that means because of that, I didn't do this.
Never make a pun about fire. Don't do it.
They're not doing it for jokes.
Talk about that because she's not a bigamist anymore.
And who's to say that it was not just an accident? You know what I mean?
Perhaps she signed all the – he signed – one of them just didn't file it. You know what I mean?
Not only did I not do it, I've been framed.
Pleading the Fifth has now become such a... It means that you're guilty thing that like that could have been if they called him like that could be, you know, I mean, helpful because it could sway the jury. Any juror knows be like, I don't know. They won't even talk. So what are we talking about?
Clearly. Yeah.
And it was reset to factory settings, which you do that to get it going.
Listen, you've got a lot of trauma in your past, and you don't want that shit happening again. That's a big gun to carry, though.
There is this trend with barn dominiums. This may have been the inspiration for it. Yeah, no, no, no.
Next time I have any police interaction, I'm just going to scream that. I've been framed. I'm framed. Framed.
I've been framed.
She said that to that cop in Texas.
Cadillac framed me.
Some drywall, set up some aluminum channels, and built your wall.
I've been framed.
Oh, really?
You work for American Airlines.
I like to jog.
The amount of rounds that these people absorbed – How would nobody fucking hear all that?
Yeah, nobody's more upset about this than me.
He keeps a gun in the truck? Are you out of your fucking mind?
Yeah. Why don't they give him fucking littering for where he parked that car?
Okay, yeah.
Okay.
Jesus, this is scary.
80s Beverly Hills. I'm going to put it in Kentucky.
Not the ones that matter.
Oh, really?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, yeah.
Sir Mix-a-Lot.
And you're free to do so. I mean, that's the only free you are.
Make it real fucking hard.
Ludacris will get here and stick around for the whisper song.
Let's talk about that one crime.
This week's executive producers are Sammy the Judgmental Potato, whatever that is.
Danielle Schmidt, happy birthday. Good for you. Thank you for participating in this for your birthday. I think Aaron Snyder's birthday, too. Holy shit, happy birthday.
Is it Christina Wilson's birthday, too? It might be all of these people's birthdays. Everybody's birthday.
Danny with an I with no last name. Thank you. No birthday, evidently, but she or he, probably she, right? Get it together with a birthday. I don't know. They are terrific. I adore them.
Good people. Other producers this week are Happy Hour in Claysville, Pennsylvania. Is that that shit town we drove? Was it Claysville?
There was like 70 people.
It's like it's well abandoned. Yeah, Janice Hill. I think it was that.
I'll bet Happy Hour is on the same ride from Pittsburgh to fucking Columbus. Wouldn't surprise me. It's a tough ride, Happy Hour. Be safe. Peyton Meadows, Alyssa Gant, perhaps? Thank you also. Justin Stepanow, Andrea... Nope, that's Adrian Mora. Savannah Eichenauer. Yep. Justine Margo Patricia? I think that's too... That might be...
Justine Margo might be a person, and I didn't hit enter and get Patricia with no last name. Or Margo Patricia. Is that your full name?
That's three people.
Justin Petrak, Petrak, Petrak probably. Jamie Smith, Alexander Clear. Caitlin with no last name. Andrea Menard, Laura Decker. Chris with no last name. Kimberly Carl, Chad Chatterson. Alexis Larson, Ari Martin, Diana. Diana? Is that right? Plywax. Plywax. Oh, I don't know. Deanna? Deanna? Is it? I don't know. Linzette. That's probably Lindsay. The T and the Y are close together. Harris.
I don't know what I've done this week. David Dutro. Rihanna or Raina? Jamie Oberle. Rihanna has no last name. Mateo has no last name. Dodie McCulley. The Jax of all trades, James. I think that's a Jax, isn't it? It's Jax. Joshua DeLand, Emma O'Brien, Amanda Dutro, Michael Hall, Tara Fisher, Kathleen with no last name, Brittany Marie, Gina Perry, Denise Durham, Mark Molesky. That sounds too close.
It's better than molesty.
That's a tough last name, Mark.
Key. Kristen Svarer Jones, Nikki Allen, J. Joe Lee, 2004, Ranger 11B, 2000. I don't know who that is.
Jennifer Maul. Maul? Oh, what was it? Richard was the guy from Night Court, right?
Amy Rader, Elizabeth Renner. How else we got here? Lisa with no last name. Shauna Hensley, Joshua Nevins, Debbie Parra. What a... What the fuck is going on? Oh, Alice Valentine.
Morgan Pagan. RR2Rs. This show brought to you by 2Rs. Christy Jablonski. Christopher Corral. Cody Day. Oh, who's Day? Charlie. Charlie Day.
Nick Fox, Beta Brooks, Ivan C., Dylan Holm, Leanna Salatis, Matt Jensen, Jason Miller, Virgie J., Nail Lady, Rice Petrie, Nipples Sparks, 480. Whoa.
The other 479 of them, too. Lindsey and Lucy Hamilton. Amy with no last name. April Marshall. Vaughn with no last name. Amelia. Kelly. Adam Leighton. Phoenix with no last name. Fred Yanez. Mikayla Landberg. Ruth Kinneson. Emily Spearing. Sam with no last name. Ian Harvey. Drew Lindsay. Sea Dog. Sizzle. Shilly. Sheila. Sheila Sapienza. Hey. Sapienza. Sheila. Gary Cretors Jr. Jesus. Becky Avenetti.
Avenenti. Iza. Iza. Iza Azgari. Danielle Bliss, Jennifer Stricker, Tamara, Tamara, Jen S., Lindsey Green.
There's nobody named Tamara. Might be. You don't know. It's possible. Daughters Tamara and Yesterday.
Aiden Gossett, like Lou. Lindsey Green, I think I said that. Jen S., did I say that? Cody Holzer, Michael.
Aiden Gossett, because... Like Lou, but blonde. Because Lou banged on white gal. Yeah. Beth Dikmonte. Matthew Kelly. Michael with no last name. Matthew Kelly. I said that. God damn it. Christina Parisi. Danielle. Again, Matthew Kelly. Allison Blackwood. Gino Rose Giarducci. Mark Warducci. There you go. It's a U. That's what that is. Richard Grimes. Dick Grimes. That's gross. Todd Voight.
Suzanne Wilson. Robbie Sintable. Papa Woody. All right. You got it. Are you happy now? Lock and Kill. Lock and Kai. What? K-I-I. That's Lock and Kai. Jason with no last name. Sarah Pierce. Annalise Bedbetter. Bedecked. Wow. Bedecked.
You're going to get bedecked if you're not careful. Don't you bend over in front of me. Rebecca Gambrell. Stephen Heifert. Zucchini Zach. Eileen Split. That can't be a real name. Susie Burgess. Daggum with no last name. That can't be a real name. Amber Massey, Daniel Nottingham, and Beth Temple. Aaron Connor Paulson, Stephen... Oh, hell-friked. It will. And frozen over also.
Alexander Brichler, Alison Hagman, Chuck with no last name, Alexander Pentecost, Jennifer Pentecost. Both of them. Thank you both so much. They've got to be related or in the same household. Jennifer Lee, Jamie Cotton, Arrow, Arrow, Lisa, Jesus bridge dial. What? Okay. Ben Ferrara, Jesse Kachula, Don Drake. Aaron Ingram Younger with no last name. Alan Cabanas. Cabanas? Cabanas. Cabanas.
All right. Callie D. Lieutenant IDC. Or just LTIDC.
Marshall Mayhem. Is that your real? That's the coolest fucking name.
It's Marshall spelled like Marshall Mathers. If your name is Marshall Mayhem.
Any show we're at. Carrie Shepard, Carrie Lohr, GRZ.
I think it's the coolest name.
Carly Wagner. Carolyn Lloyd. Ashlyn with no last name. Skentle. Shentle Ingram. What the fuck? Janelle Bassett. Bassett. Nikki Belcalori. Belcalori? Belcalori? That's a name. Marlene. Maylene with no last name. Marlene Kotoska. Paul Starenberg. Jesus, this is really devolving fast.
Jude with no last name. Jenny Roche. Emily Ditchburn. Sigrid Langford Sherl. What? Sherf. Alicia W. Linda Cerny Howard. Diane B. Ember with no last name. She might be somebody I know. She's fantastic. Patty Purvis. Somebody that I used to know. Lyndon Burnett. Tanner Hart and all of our patrons. You guys are the fucking greatest. Thank you.
Let's do it.
Wow.
Ugh. Not so good.
We saw two when we left.
Yeah. I still don't know what squash is.
Yeah. It's rich.
And then an American psycho, he offered to play squash and the guy declined.
Perhaps it's tennis, and it's just different rules.
It is racquetball.
They're fucking rich people. That's why. Because racquetball sounds like trash is playing it.
Anywhere from Iowa to fucking Florida.
With the CIA.
A lot of sausage right there.
He's doing it.
Tucson's just where planes go to die.
Don't you want to be a fucking pilot?
250 miles an hour.
There must be a giant profit margin on planes. It must cost almost nothing back then.
Salesmen are oftentimes not.
In the world.
Yeah, I mean, if I've got a shitload of planes, I might pack a couple of them and pull a weed and move them around.
And lets this one flounder.
It's business, man.
Angel.
Mad.
Probably drink some whiskey and pinch his ass from time to time.
Some hungry kids benefiting from her work.
That'll do it.
Oh, wow.
Very rare to hear of a girl with a metal plate in her fucking head.
I think he forgot his name and pissed his pants.
That's a terrible thing to call. You can just call her an angel.
My not quite round-headed angel.
My oval-headed angel.
Drinks Ovaltine because her head's an oval.
Yeah, scribbled eggs will make you a little fucking shy.
And you may have to dominate a conversation or two.
I can't believe he calls.
No shaft in her.
So what he would do is... Yeah, she couldn't think in the first place, and now she's really messed up.
Really?
Third grade, he drew us a nice cow on his own letter.
Wow.
Wow.
It falls out of some old pants he threw in the pile.
In one bill?
I know exactly where that $100 bill is. It's somebody else's.
Hey, Mr. Mattel, thank you for the GI Joe this season. Yeah.
I really want to commend you on the kung fu grip.
That was a good company, right?
That's what they're supposed to do.
What do you do with that?
He egged the inside of the car?
Imagine being an enemy.
Why is that?
Mercedes? Come on.
Good.
Oh, my God.
He'd buy $200 things every week.
You're going to ruin that kid. He has no sense of entirely warped sense of reality. And it's a very privileged upbringing.
Trenchcoat.
You're going to bankrupt a man.
Oh, my God. You did this to you.
That's a wild thing to say to somebody.
Right.
Brutal.
There's probably more people that get straight-As, and there's probably more people with the grades than get accepted.
If you don't have the grades, then you're not getting in.
It is. There you go.
Oh, yikes.
You know why you're failing, right?
If I can't do it, nobody can do it.
Yeah.
Well, I'm not going to college unless I get some shrimp scampi.
It needs to be ready every night of the week. Otherwise, what's the point?
It's still – even if it's Fresno. Have you been?
Yeah.
You're getting it.
He's literally morally bankrupt.
Really?
So I thought, you know. How are you going to question it?
He got them. He snowed them all. And these people at home are like, look what he's doing.
How so?
There was a fighting movie in the 80s and it was an Asian man that was fighting out of Fresno, California. And they showed him back home. He's fighting to get out of Fresno.
That is crazy, but when you do have money, you're able to just make up any story about why you have it. People will invest in any idea you have just because you're wealthy.
Now he just has more of your money. He's more wealthy and you're broke, you dummy.
Yeah, I've lost a lot of money, James.
Right, let alone Fresno, fuck.
If you're a piece of shit, you can probably do very well.
He's letting me just he's not even micromanaging me today.
Oh no.
Oh, good Lord.
Yeah.
Just brutal.
Then the riverside.
That's it.
I mean, mafia guys will shoot you and then just leave the whole gun and everything there.
Not a lot of 9mm revolvers.
A lot of them. The whole world hates him.
You don't slaughter a slow 24-year-old and a man's wife over a bad Cessna deal.
Oh, attaboy.
California raisins.
Oh, yeah.
That's probably nicer.
It's a structure, yeah. He's got some milestones, some achievements. He's got a Master P-level contract.
Dana.
Bastards to him for life.
And he got raisins.
Let's box these and give them to Todd.
Whoa, eight grand a month.
Dad had a lot. You're the only one left.
Dirty.
Filthy little fucker.
And you'll shit your pants if you eat a lot.
What the hell, man?
Well, yeah, why do that anymore?
I'm going to bother my whole life after it.
How about the part where he drove a Lamborghini all the way home?
The whole way. Yeah.
Hey, Dana, why don't you send some pictures of you in the laundry? I could never do that, bro.
Fuck everybody's stocks. Go look at the black stuff coming out of the ground.
Oh, Joel, that's a bizarre answer. That's a weird question, man.
Yeah.
Where's the cage car?
Oh, my God.
Isn't that Kevin Johnson?
For him to have that reference of him spitting on the walls, that has to be multiple times, right?
A lot of people think spitting is disgusting. I spit fucking constantly.
I don't think I've ever seen it. And I would probably have the same reaction that most people have to people spitting outdoors.
And I'd probably be viscerally sick.
Why do you want your... I don't get it.
Belt loop full of fucking keys.
Hey, Jesus.
You think so?
AKs, it's a dumb gun.
I don't think they make that gun anymore.
Such a bad gun.
Not brothers, but they're certainly Menendez-ing.
I mean, I don't want to be the Lyle, you know, shit their own bed guy.
Let's not shit our bed.
But it's also really a tip in your hand. I don't know if they're real. They may be lying to us. They do that a lot.
They're known for that.
Basically Phoenix.
And flew 50,000 miles.
Oh.
I was giving you all the information. You guys are, do your fucking job.
630.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, this is real.
Right.
I'm just going to make some more tiny chairs.
A place in Trinidad, huh?
Trinidad, it's on the – it's between – it's southern Colorado. It's near – it's between – The shit section of Colorado.
It's between Pueblo and the springs, I believe.
9mm rifle?
Mm-hmm.
It's fascinating.
The information on your parents' killers, I don't want to talk about it.
At a later time.
Oh, so they have a Ghostbusters. You had it all set up.
They're working. They're doing great.
The parties haven't even started yet, man.
You seem insignificant.
It feels like you probably can't even make arrests.
At night it makes me scared. I don't even like watching Dateline.
I record it and I watch it in the morning when the sun's up.
Chomping at the bit.
He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.
That's what's done with the backdoor stuff. He's just doesn't realize that they've caught on.
Okay.
I mean, thousands.
Bottom rung of fucking diet for these two.
What did Peter do?
He's drilling out tennis balls and putting it on the front of his gun?
It's the only thing you're using with it.
Okay.
What it is, it's a lot of money for not necessarily expensive. It's just a lot of money.
That magazine's responsible for more murders than any other magazine.
I would say these are worse because there's only a couple of serial killers that read those shits and a lot of them read them afterwards. These fuckers all read this.
If you've got it, it's not bad.
What?
That sounds very Fresno. Stop, stop criming together.
You bet.
Oh, really?
Yeah, you put that right on the top.
Oh, he made it? It's homemade?
Class, man. All class.
So sometimes... Oh, the fucking... These guys are shitbags. Imagine being murdered with something with glue all over it and some fucking tennis balls.
Oh, you pieces of shit.
Oh, wow, he did some shaving, huh?
That is the worst. Walking into a urinal, there's dick hair all over it.
There's always dick hair.
Jesus.
Wow, that's a terrible way to die. That man bled to death. He didn't even like, he was probably conscious. That's fucked up.
Just jamming it through the thing.
Yeah, I would say so.
I know they weigh a lot.
So powerful, what a cart.
Oh, fuck.
I used to lead them around shirtless when I was seven. That's what I know about them.
Yeah, but he's got fixed wing and helicopter fucking licenses.
And when you first get money, you got to set yourself up.
That's why it's so hard to get rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because once you get rich, then you spend it all. Then you got to maintain that.
The only thing I'm clamoring for is a fish. Yeah.
You're entitled to a speedy trial. Eight months ain't speedy at all.
That is crazy. He helped his dad get all his finances in order. He saw how much it was and was like, well, this motherfucker and everybody else is dead.
Yeah.
Rusty brain. Fuck her.
Swedish welcome.
He's dating women that like framed pictures of Marilyn Monroe. Yeah.
Oh?
So he probably wasn't there, but he knows what he's doing.
Maybe one of the backup dancers.
Jesus. Might as well. I mean, eight months. How are you going to do that in less than a week?
Oh, boy.
Yeah, still waiting.
Yeah. He said good grief. Those guys don't murder.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Doesn't he look like... Oh, he doesn't look like he did a goddamn thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
We never do Unsolved, and I hate this right now.
This week's executive producers are Cody and Lainey Leversey. They're bringing a bunch of people to next year's shows. They're terrific people. Good people. I think they're trying. I don't know. That doesn't matter. I'm not going to talk about what they're trying to do. I think they're trying to have kids, but I'm not sure. They just got married, the crazy kids. I saw their post all night.
Some nice people. I love that kid. Cody's fantastic. Anyway, Stephen Tott, or maybe T-O-T. I don't know if that's T-O-T. It could be T-O-T. It's T-O-T. All right.
Five and two.
There it is. Gary Howard, Noel Meeks. Gary.
Oh, Gary's kids are trying to have kids. There you go.
Good job. I don't know what you had to do with it.
Maybe he put his foot on the kid's ass and pushed him in deeper. I don't know.
Ropes, I'm telling you. All right, Regina Freeholz, Bryholz, Linda Cote, Cody maybe, Mike Conner, the coolest police chief in America, Matthew Moore, Diana Worley. He's terrific. Good guy. Thanks, brother. I love him. Other producers this week, Peyton Meadows, Elizabeth Rockefeller, Janice Hill, Brock Hall, Abby with no last name, Emily Michigan, Clarence Bunch. I don't know if that's Michigan.
That may have been a correction from Apple. I don't remember typing Michigan. Who knows? That might be Apple's problem. Clarence Bunch. Warren Taylor. Savannah with no last name. Lee Arnold. Jeffrey Thomas. 401 Ontario. Michael Chermak. Chermak? Chernik. Chern? That's an M. Stacey Crosby. Kristen. Kristen. Kristen Piper. Jason with no last name. Suzanne Jackson. Dot Jenkins. Spellscast Art.
Lisa Montoya Darling. Chalaway. Josh with no last name. Megan Russell. Kit Kershaw. Tylee, Teresa Tapscott, Allie, Allie Knowlton, Sarah Lewis, TheSinHitman97, Dorothea Sterling, Daisy May, Kelly Greenwalt, Andy with no last name, Krista Johnson, Andrew with no last name, Leonard Phelan maybe, Liz with no last name, Ashley Smotic, Chris Weber. Probably not. Oh, yeah, Chris.
Are there any houses that are not sold as is? You know what I mean?
Check how many you have first. Timeout, Chris. Panda Sanchez, Jared Laurent, Emily Payne, Brianna Cota, Ratch with no last name. I imagine that's short for Rachel. AJ Bryce with no last name. Or Ratchet. You never know. She may have some self-awareness. They could be just really self-aware. She looks in the mirror and goes, they just call me Ratch. Charisma Hunter. Travosky.
Oh, that's a V. Travosky. Caroline Drenow. Tucker Lisping. Lars Quartz. Aaron with no last name. Jacob Magnum.
Ashley Marie, Renee Lynn. What was it? What did I miss?
Yeah, it's a part of life, man. He never grew up. Joe Dickinson, Laura Thierry, Tay with no last name, Taylor Martin, Duncan Lane, Austin Mason, Callie Smith, Karen Mays, Rob Ellis, Hunter Paulus, Paulus, Paulus. Holland Potter, Andrea Burton, Heather Neal, Brandon Machado, Kalissa McAllister, Megan Durner, Jason Crist, Rick Weiss, Perisphone, Persephone, Persephone? Is that a name?
Persephone, perhaps, if it's Italian? Hey, it's a bunch of phony. Jen the dinosaur. Bud Dwyer, perhaps the best. Yeah, him too. Well done.
May many more have the fucking balls. Erica Longo, Bailey Bayless, Howard Haley. Hale.
ale that's what it is yeah brent mcnamara uh jeannie jeannie larson sean major love my ink david f amanda hepler maria with no last name courtney hall kyle with no last name may with no last name claire and nicola samantha zeninga zuniga uh laurel zuniga laurel schultz laurel laurel laurel is what it is nicole with no last name molly goggin
Travis Stotts, Dana Ranky Gumbs, Ashley Jackson, Lavinia Hale, Robin with no last name, Natasha Combs, Amber Gonzalez, Brandy. Nope, that's Brandon.
Brandon, Bobby Willie, Patterson, Natalie, Natalie Miller, Ruby Joe, Johnny Ruiz, Andrew W., Allison Roberts, Otto with no last name, Brad with no last name, Aaron Atienzo, Crystal Taylor, Sonny with no last name, Kelsey Walkers, Watkins, God damn it, Chris. Chris Scrivener.
Don't put a goddamn thing in the contract. We're not fixing anything.
It's the fucking worst thing on the planet. It really is. All week. Melanie Gunther. And then as I finish one, there comes another. Shell with no last name. Jessica Garcia. Hell's Half Acre. I don't know if that's the place. Isn't that a restaurant or a bar and grill or some shit? Is Hell's Half Acre a thing?
Is it?
Maybe I should read more books. Natalie Cook, Leah Arrington, Sam Penner, Amy Muir, Donna Jones, Kalia Martin, Kalia Kalia, Janine Tenbrook, Jordan Alivado, DK... Like Donkey Kong. Erica Telles. Carly Osborne. Harley Weigert. D.B. with no last name, like Cooper. Dustin Callahan. Bean with no last name. Taylor with no last name. Renee Blaine. Ashley Fazzino. Wynn with no last name.
Melissa with no last name. Tracy with no last name. Eric Wright.
glenny glenny red todd usher quentin binkley cameron hughes tasha yarborough nick fricano emily with no last name less more co uh christina schultz anthony cicillone uh casey wrath and all of our patrons you know what you are you're the best thank you so much everybody you're fantastic people we cannot thank you enough for all that you do for us and uh
You got an acre under roof.
Yeah, there's going to be lots of festivals.
A day in our life?
I don't know. Foam parties are usually like raves, aren't they?
This is the 50th anniversary. This is a big deal.
Right.
Okay.
Nothing.
How many hits do they have?
For everybody to recognize it all?
And a couple of vague ones that you don't realize are them, but they are.
Real Lollapalooza.
It's an LOL-a-palooza, Jesus.
Real exotic.
He's got a nice pizza. We bring a lot of ethnic diversity around here. Yes. Tacos and pizza.
Really? Yeah. Because people are pissed.
This is our 50th anniversary. Fuck.
It feels like forever ago. And then I think about like the generation or the decade next was obviously 2000. And when you see footage of 9-11, you're like, oh, Christ, we dressed like that in 2001.
We continued that.
That's not that bad.
Why are they doing that?
Very bizarre pants, too, where they got like a thing on the knee that's like a vertical stripe thing.
Patches? Patches?
But we have 12-year-old mentalities. We're beating on these people for fashion, but neither of us can figure this shit out either.
Mentally, I'm 12, but I feel like I'm still kind of cool. Yeah, we're trying to still be cool. I can do things. We're pretty cool.
I can't dress like a fucking 25-year-old.
And I try my best to dress appropriately for my age, and then I look like I got a fucking tea time tomorrow.
Sick.
Is that right?
He doesn't even have a person. He's looking for paramedics.
She's 24.
I need guys with IV bags, the jaws of life. Bring it all.
I mean, you're not her dad? Who are you? Yeah, you're not her husband or something?
Is that right?
Oh, no.
Oh, boy.
Oh, they don't need outside our jurisdiction.
Oh. Like her. Index and thumb.
Don't ask for that, Jay.
Oh, he's coming.
It's just not yours. What the fuck, bro? He might do it on principle of you stealing his shit.
Why don't you X-chop your crotch, too, man?
Well, there's meditation that's like that too.
Oh, what the fuck?
Does it freeze like that when you die? Because wouldn't you relax? I don't know.
It's not a rape. Yeah. On display. Yeah.
The hairs.
Good.
I wonder if that's connected.
Wow.
Okay. She knows it's coming. Can't do anything about it. I'm fine with it.
Certainly, yeah.
I'm not a yoga guy, but I've seen a few people die like that, that are like older, elderly and have it. Nobody ever does any sort of symbol of acceptance. It's always panic and their chin to the sky gasping for fucking hair. It's always terror.
No, no, no. Subtle hand signals saying I'm fine.
Every one of them were like, I don't want everybody out there.
And then give them a hug and tell them, sorry, it's going to happen anyway.
You don't disturb that.
You're disturbing my neighbors, but I'm still pissed at you.
They tolerated that accent, huh?
He's got a wife named Lois?
He's doing that to be kind.
The speed limits are so low. They're low.
Real clever name.
There's been a murder.
Yeah, no matter how innocuous.
We love you, goddammit.
That is pretty fucking silly.
I had a dream. Want to hear my dream?
Those are your personal movies with no ticket bought. That's just for you.
And if you're quitting smoking and you did it with a patch on your arm, that's a fucked up dream.
Hit us with a forever stamp.
And then when we want to hear it, we'll holler at you when we have no other leads.
Yeah, and he happened to pick the one that they found in the bushes. That's unbelievable.
Sir, buy a lotto ticket.
Yeah.
They are definitely good. Especially the murder ones because there's a lot at stake. Yeah, certainly not interesting. Watching people, whether they're guilty or had nothing to do with it, watching their behavior in front of cops that don't know and they're figuring out whether or not they know.
P.S. Halfway. Yeah. These guys just got out.
What does that mean?
Why, James?
Weird or no?
Or deja vu like today.
Yeah.
You may not know. Yeah.
Yeah.
You're fucking figuring it out before it all happens.
Oh, my God.
Was Darren Bewitched, or was he? Yes, yes. Okay, all right.
Both named Dick.
Is that right?
Okay. I tell everybody this shit and they say, call somebody else.
I fell asleep at this time. I woke up at this time. That's what time it was.
How do you believe that? How would you know?
I've never gotten up in the middle of the night to pee.
Never.
Like, I hear about that about old men. Like, they do it, like, three, four times in their sleep. And not calling you an old man.
Is that right?
Yeah, that's how you do it on the road, right? You chug and then go to sleep so that you make sure that you have to wake up.
All right.
So they don't stay in one spot too long?
Is that right?
Good for you.
Right.
And if I want any of it to stick, I got to write it down.
Yeah.
Of course. That's what it is. Everything is a Chicago suburb. Pretty much.
It's a real Reading Rainbow uniform.
It's fucking fascinating how big that city, how sprawling that shit is.
And he's right in front of me.
Like he's beating a dog, but it's just out of sight.
The word impression that he says so much.
This is where the real fun is, Jay.
Let's explore that.
Yeah. L-shaped with about a one-inch lug nut.
Help us change the oil on our Nova. We'll have a beer.
Pendulum. Yeah.
I make a hell of a nachos. Come on.
It's hard to say it wasn't.
Whoa.
This is the most specific dream I've ever heard.
The Great Fire.
Or a monk with a can of gas and fucking some square making a statement.
Yeah. It wasn't real. You guys.
I'm beginning to think I'm a suspect. I'm just telling you about my amazing dream.
That they are suspicious.
Everybody was just roasting weenies.
It's a really interesting thing.
Yeah, what's he doing?
The Midwest, yeah.
Yeah. That built to this amazing fight scene.
Yeah.
That was what Al Capone was running, though, wasn't it?
It's the worst dream, yeah.
Blood splashing, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's weird.
Yeah, why you?
Sure is. Which is a real weird thing to say.
That's the only time you could get it. You couldn't take it home. No liquor stores. So you could have wine with your steak.
That's why I asked it.
You accusing me of something?
Good question.
And in high school, I was a badass.
Yeah, he's a real dreamer.
Mm-hmm.
I think a prayer or two will do it.
Yeah, that's a fair question.
Thanks. Is he perhaps sitting directly in front of me?
Tell me when I'm getting warmer.
There you go. That's a good question.
Make some papier-mâché out of it.
Yeah, dumpsters or whatever, yeah.
Wild word again.
No, it's not.
Relate to him because I've seen his inside. I don't know.
Great question.
What you doing now?
Yeah.
Except for this fun-ass weekend I'm about to discuss. Yeah, what the fuck.
That's the biggest mistake in the history of interrogation. That is so bad.
Even Bundy didn't slip up there.
Right. Because he eats out.
Is this the south of the city, or is that what you said?
West of the city?
You just say verbal diarrhea is what that is. That is buzzwords for please help me.
Oh, yeah. Maybe.
Yeah, I'd love to fuck you up, man.
So inconsiderate they're creepy? They're creepy.
What if we catch him? Now we put him in prison. And every night you dream of that bad food.
Eight hours a night you're in prison.
That's creepy. Those aren't the same things. So inconsiderate. Counted my wrinkles in my butthole.
This is his favorite, yeah.
Uh-huh.
Right.
Probably a sick man, yeah.
This is paying your taxes and then murder.
Would you take a nap and tell him?
Yeah.
Of course he did. Of course he did.
Is this a, yeah.
Sounds like you're hot as shit. Good for you.
He's saying he's making as much sense.
We'll interrogate him just fine. Just point it out.
That's a good question.
Yeah, we've got guns, man.
A place where everybody looks at you and lusts over you, including the dogs.
There's a murderer on the street.
Fuck Bible study. There's a murderer loose and you know what he looks like.
That's a great place to be. And then don't say anything to you.
They put them in everything nowadays.
I said I wasn't very good at this.
Great.
Oh, okay. So they bring him in.
I'm a sleepy bitch.
What?
Maybe he's the only male Avon guy.
Really? Gotcha, Kirby. Come on in.
I do it all the time. I show it all the time.
Do you guys suspect me?
Yeah, you get it, right?
You've got the information.
You call me a murderer or the best thing that you've got right now?
Tell him to turn himself in right this second.
What happened? Now they're salting you with doors. You must have dog shit smeared on you or something.
You guys are so great.
I'm trying to evade you guys and you're getting suspicious.
And he said, you know, I'm trying to throw you off my trail. What are you doing?
Yeah.
It's a bad guy. And you want to prolong how long he's out there?
You know.
It doesn't matter.
Or this happens all day, every day.
Counselor and an attorney are the same thing sometimes.
Okay.
Okay.
Why are you wearing that?
That fucking, that meditating thing. Oh, my God. As she's being strangled. Yeah.
Oh, damn.
You just told us.
You said this. No, you said that.
Red Baron airplane. Is he going to get his counselor or not? They got to stop now.
Everything opposite of me.
Okay.
Steve is under arrest now.
What?
Oh, boy.
Oh, my God.
Ouch.
I don't think that radio station comes in anywhere in the country, but it sounds like a radio station.
Okay. That's a good amount of time.
The dream's more damning than the science.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course they did.
They take an L way worse than the Japanese.
Yeah. And then it's.
Or a mashup. We play it all.
Wow.
Gross.
Okay.
Yeah. Except if it's for DNA. Yeah.
It's very gross.
Death penalty. Don't you dare think we forgot about the theft of the dildos. You'll be doing that time first.
Okay. Oh, there's dip, too. I forgot about that.
They found Bob, lady.
He likes to paint tits, and I don't like it.
Cold is gross. Hot is good. Hot has cheese in it. That's good. Cold is just like sour cream.
You put BDSM. Yeah. I mean, it's because it's weird, obviously.
And box knots getting tied up, getting levitated. Yeah, what's going on there? That hurts. How do you come? That's crazy.
Either one. Yeah.
Oh.
I don't like that.
Just a guy that's got a tee time.
Oh, yeah, because it's, you know.
What the fuck? How? Why?
It's going to be great.
This is the executive producer of Dixie Wrecked, James. Obviously, that's a real person. Clearly. Gary Howard, Samantha Shorts, and Cindy Wilson's husband, Ken. Happy birthday. Thank you, Lord. Happy birthday to Ken. I think it's Wilson. Salute. I hope I got that right.
She just said her husband, Ken. She didn't give a last name of Ken. She may not have taken his last name. I don't know.
Happy birthday to all those Kens out there. Other producers, Peyton Meadows, Paul Shornack, Janice Hill, Jeff with no last name, Bronwyn Touche, or Touch It, I don't know. Or Touch It, that could be it. Chrissy Tatro, Nick Baldridge, Dan with no last name, Chelsea Lisswell, David Icke, Your last name is not Ick. Icky?
Took his name. Spike Adelika. John Ezell. Rachel Bruthauer. Brett Howard, maybe? I don't know. Kyle Jacobs, Kevin Allman, Nicole with no last name, Olivia Kaufman, Alan Parker, Ashley Ortiz, Eric McDowell, Linda with no last name, Donna Richards, Mary, Mary Charles, Kyle Garner, Kate Blodgett,
sam oh master chiolo mr hey master colo something italian sounds delicious caitlin hardy david spear jody timmons abby newton tana smith rachel mc xavier taggart elena osterbar uh madison duncan bethany with no last name anna borst neil shabazi uh the Valuru, Valru, Valru with no last name. Dr. Laura Dolly, PMP, MBA, EA.
Oh, administration. It's not even management, right? I don't know what that means.
We didn't go to college, remember. We're idiots. Michelle Wagner, Taylor M., Ted Dougherty, Camille Jones, Christine Nitta, Anastasia Chambers, Jimmy Bombardo, Matt with no last name, Cameron Kovach, Simone Andronaco, Kevin Hartsock, Patricia Carroll.
Patricia Carroll, Cheyenne Gray, Crystal Barber, Colm Hefferman. James Heffernan, Colm, C-O-L-M. That's a first name. Good for you.
Michael DeLoach, Pauline Crane, Jenny McGuire, Corgi Mom, Ash with no last name, Candace Harris, Nixie Nimbus, Christy Oja, oh, hi, I don't know, Caitlin Brickman, Mandy Lee, Cody Reichert, Caitlin Hartman, Rachel Smith, Kathleen with no last name, Helene Jackson, Jen with no last name, James Taylor, Beefy with no last name. Amy, that's a real person, I'm sure.
Amy Light, Leedy, Late, Latay, Christian with no last name, Kim Nichols, Sam Penner, Jenna Cornett, probably Jim's daughter, Jeff Severson, the better Trolka. I don't know. James loves Perkins. Oh, that's very funny. James loves Perkins.
Absolutely. Rob Wagner, PRVA, is that a disease? I don't know. Rachel Mays, Amanda Pack, Danielle Kay, Scott Hazel, Hazel possibly, Robin with no last name, Aaron Ferguson, Anthony Barnabo. All right, Barnabo. Dang with no last name. Don't be a Hobart. Lee Carter, Devin Rice, Dustin Lumley, Sarah Chamberlain, Tammy Calloway.
Also, if you see out there in the wild one Mandy Maloon, give her our best. She's not in a good way. Haley Whalen. Moe with no last name. God damn it, Mandy. Get it together. We're rooting on you every day. We love you, man. Nathan Woolrab. T. Dong. James, that's probably a real person. Cody Peruzzi. Peter Jones. Rachel Olson. Melissa Johnson. Daniel Podlevski. Crystal Cox. Yvette Ivey. Taney?
Taney Hibbler. Amy B. Justice with no last name. Maria Teresa Beal. That feels like a nun somewhere.
John Stretch. Jay Turnbull. Sabatino. Asia Burns. Natasha Nussbaum. Ashton would know last name. Molly would know last name. Dolores would know last name. TJ Swain. Stacy Cox. Paul Gorman. Teresa would know last name. Charles Herman. Kathy. What is this? Eakin. Regina Elliott. Dakota Banks. Ashley Leffler. Samuel McJunkins.
Amanda Pung. Russell Padlick. Padlick. Oh, Paddock. All right. Sorry about that. Heather McAfee. Devin Acevedo, Amy Wellendorf, Carol Reinheimer, A-M-P-R. That sounds like a radio station. Brandi Hensler, Sarah Minga, Burrell Phil Thompson, John Calamia, Tara Brennan, Kelly Fawcett, and all of our patrons. You guys are the best. Thank you so much, everybody.
What?
Very confusing. You call that kid Quad, right?
He picked that at 14 years old.
That's where it walks in.
They're not even religious. They're just going against it. Yeah.
Oh.
On the son, the marquee.
Way to go, you non-pussy getting old bastard.
Those are chick repellent knots.
Really?
She wants to hear Eagle Scout sing, huh?
She's about to be dead.
Did she?
Drug her. Do whatever you want to her. And don't tell anybody.
What the hell?
What a day.
Beautiful.
This kid praises like nobody.
He can carry a tune in that smoky bucket, but nothing else.
That's what he is. The skin just slides off.
Real rude rule breakers.
Couldn't be more different than the priesthood.
Then I'll be a doctor to be God.
Yeah.
He couldn't remember Job, the book of Job. You're going to remember how to treat fucking emphysema.
So how did he get the job?
He said he finished.
This is people with their whole lives ahead of them.
What the fuck?
He just wanted a paycheck for being a quote-unquote doctor.
Relationships.
What?
That'll get us all in trouble. You can't do that.
1960.
Right. Probation.
That solves it.
Not hot.
It's a dick way to do things.
Really?
Oh, he's going to consult?
But he's going to consult, so it's not a big deal.
Seemed to know a lot.
Then get booked where we can't.
Then get booked where we can't.
Yeah.
He doesn't have a thing. He doesn't even have a degree doing that.
Oh.
The guy wasn't negotiating anything.
That's bad.
He's never been punished for a single thing he's done.
Oh.
Tomatoes underwater.
They do that now, but in the 70s that was a... They were doing hydroponic vegetables? Yes.
So I need seed money.
World affairs.
My man stepped down, James.
Yeah.
He stepped down. It's done.
All-Americans.
Yeah. Man, Google saved a lot, hasn't it?
Yeah, Casey Anthony's out there claiming to be in law since 2011. A legal advocate, yeah. You were arrested.
She was the first one that she exonerated.
Right.
Ha! He won his own award?
So he's found out and everybody knows now.
You're ugly. Leave me alone.
Doesn't exist.
Egg shells.
Yeah.
Everybody's walking around on eggs.
Yeah.
What?
You can't do that.
Yeah, to get somebody to do that?
I'm going to steal money to use it for a fucked engine.
Has to be.
Oh.
60 days, though.
Yeah.
Heard you tried to fuck my wife.
Equifax.
Equi-plus.
The second one?
Oh.
Really?
I mean, if you need to dominate people all the time, you're a weird guy.
It's very weird.
You can wander around looking how you want to look.
We'll find your father.
It reseeds where the hair fell out.
Number one, first and foremost, you got to show them how to how to be a baby.
It doesn't work.
It's not a good way to be.
What a deal.
Nice joint. Yeah.
One guy telling you, yeah.
No clue of who they are.
Well, do it to her wishes.
Yeah.
Done.
Please middleman this for us. Yeah, it's a private adoption.
One point on getting this child anywhere.
Yeah. Take it. Just go give it to somebody else. Yeah, we don't care.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, it wasn't his either.
She's never been a notary.
Let's see your autograph.
We're done with this.
Everybody leave me alone.
Every letter about when somebody goes missing or.
Yeah. They're probably murdered, right? Leave me alone. They're dead.
Meanwhile, he's running schemes constantly.
Just checking if you like it.
Yeah.
I got a feeling the coming part isn't even a thing for him.
Eminem from S&M.
Lenexa gets the credit for the food, huh?
Oh, so it's his story that he gave her.
If you stick around here, a grand. Go to Denver, two.
He's going to crush your fucking nipples, lady.
Uh-oh.
Really.
Oh, this is his gal.
Sounds like anywhere where it snows. Yeah, it happens.
Oh, what a deal.
I was going to take that receptionist job over at the car dealership, but they said no weed.
Great day.
The judge.
He's a judge.
Good Lord.
This is the judge?
She didn't earn it, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yikes.
After raping a woman with a gun.
You can do better than that.
There he is.
Really full. What is that? The shell game.
It's fucking crazy. What's the point in sentencing people?
For what?
Whoa.
Yeah.
Really?
Everything's alright.
P-I-T-T.
Yeah, that's positive.
Yeah. It's a bad guy to be giving good free jobs.
Really?
The library lady?
What?
What? They can't afford a house. Why can't they afford publications?
Oh, let's see. I don't want to be reminded.
I don't want to pretend this is a house.
He shampoos with Lenexa.
Really?
It's a lot of my quarterlies out.
That's how you don't have... He doesn't have a day job, James.
Yeah. Most people think about their day job all the time. This guy just thinks about this all the time.
Yeah. Just get a job, man.
How did he do that?
Send them in an envelope there and then be like, just take out this envelope and throw it in the mail for me.
She's a bit of a little bit of a freak.
Nice.
No.
That's dirty.
Yuck.
On the type machine?
Okay.
Oh.
Yeah.
It's going to be really fun or he's going to murder me and my child that has disabilities and then keep our checks. That's disgusting.
And you got to kill that girl, too. If you're killing your mom, you're killing that girl, too. That's fucked up.
Oh, yeah.
Right, the guy she divorced, yeah.
And you wake up one day and that day has arrived.
It sneaks up on you fast. Fast. Where you start saying gross things and people go, ew.
Oh, I want to suck on your tits. And they go, gross. Ew.
Can you count that change back one more time?
People that are like, now I can say anything I want because nobody can see me.
It's Backpage for real.
It's crazy because they'll accept that from somebody that is a horrifying human being.
She could be a smoking hot woman and she will allow an absolute bridge troll to whack her with a cat of nine tails.
Yeah. Little tiny ones. With white ground. You gotta break that up.
Hmm.
It's a... It looks like static. It looks like TV snow.
She is into this.
He's real good at this.
I showed it to the Queen of England.
I don't know what this is. This is crazy.
Oh, is that why it does that?
Oh, Jesus. He's whipping her tits now?
Really?
That's love.
So she broke it off and didn't. Yeah.
115 agreements?
Last name his.
Depending on the acceptability of the situation.
Nice work.
Didn't get it.
That's expensive. Isn't that like a couple hundred dollars?
She doesn't know. Oh, she just found out about the 115 things?
Yeah.
For sure, yeah.
$2 million.
The taxes here have to be goddamn rock bottom.
Trailer park janitor, come here. Come here for a minute.
You ever box knot a titty?
Oh, my God. That's so creepy.
That is fucked, man.
Right here. Jump on the river and flow downstream away.
What?
They know about each other?
Yeah.
Side, side, top, top.
That could be six. That's what I'm saying. Side, side, top, top. That could be six.
Right, but if you double them up on each one, that's it.
Yeah.
You could pierce the taint. You could pierce the gas. That's what I mean.
It's probably right behind, right? Because you can pierce that, the tank.
I think that's over there.
Why?
Through the nips, right? Not through the breasts.
Oh, my God.
All right.
Oh. Yeah. Masterpiece themselves.
Maybe you need a doctor.
Oh, okay.
He got her Rolodex.
Send this to your mom.
If you took $20 per team...
I'll show you some crazy tied-up titties.
Yeah.
That's two things.
Yeah, there's some that could be $10 or some that could be $500. Yeah.
What? Did he give up?
Ma'am, I'll take it. Why did he do that?
No, these are now mine.
That is $700 worth of dildos, man. I want them back. You can talk to the cops about it.
Yeah.
Depends on how far you came from, too, because if you've got a truck dragging a trailer with your pit boss on the back.
Possibly spank the motherfucker out of these titties.
Yeah, it's a lot of gas to get there and back.
Hey, why don't you take the day off and think about it? You're suspended with no pay.
Oh, boy.
Santa Barbara Estates.
Oh, why would he keep that?
Hickory and honey and mesquite and applewood. You better get your kid out of here.
What the fuck? He kept them?
Years.
No.
That's fucked up.
Is he still getting checks at this point, too?
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
What is it? Steamed, creamed, and salad. And right out of the can, Popeye style.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is crazy.
That's a Troughton chick.
It's evidence is what it is.
Oh, Jesus.
Jesus Christ. Bet the maker of that never expected this thing to be used to hold a human soup together. Jesus Christ. Jesus, fuck.
Unbelievable.
What?
Innuendo?
What about her? Remember baby Tiffany?
Oh, fuck.
God damn it. June 21st. Gave away a murder victim's baby. I mean, if there's a silver lining, he couldn't kill a child.
Cast off.
Gross.
Oh, so I don't even know where she is. She's deported.
Really gross thing. But he's like, hey, that's what he wanted to the bodies is crazy.
Yeah. Incredibly.
Turn it out.
Okay.
This is Executive Producer Gary Howard, Elena Zemel. Hey, Gary. And Tyskiba. Tyskiba? Tyskiba. Thank you all so much for what you're doing. Tyskiba. You don't have to do it, and you do, and we appreciate it. Other producers this week are Peyton Meadows, Happy Hour in Pecos, Texas, Janice Hill, Scarlett Horvitz III, Nicholas Palmieri, Palmieri. Melissa Coffin, maybe. Church Meat.
Jessica with no last name. Steve Dermain. Juliana Morgenthaler. Rob Renner. Blackheart2000. Angela Tatree. Tatry. GKKK. Santina Galvin. Marcy Smith. Michelle Kiggins. Christina Jinx. Michael Maglio. Jesse Carlson. The Dude. No, just The Dude. Lisa McChrystal. There he is. Maddie. Maddie Petoskey.
Josh Piper, Amanda Matthews, Darren Scott, Charlotte Dolan, Nicole Gray, Tanner Brusco, Susan Fisher, Natalie Contra, Bill2344, Aspen P, Amber with no last name, Holly Arnold, Katie with no last name, Ashley Dawn, John Donahue, John O'Donohue, Kate Patton, Kay Pat. Not Kay. I don't know. Jenny Crosby. Amanda Haas. Haas.
Giving people first names. Jennifer Track. Stacey Guy. T-Ray Bergeron. Bergeron. Michelle Harris. Michael with no last name. Angela Schmeiser. Gail with no last name. Olivia with no last name. Alex Herkamp. Robert Scafone. Lizzie with no last name. Bethany Stevens.
joseph nicholson kate and chris from new jersey ollie oxenfree uh clinton salisbury salisbury uh hayley lock luke l-o-o salisbury twice uh salisbury the first time thomas uh wait sarah with no last name oh is that waltie or wait it's wait uh benjamin madison Mate Sen. Peter goes in. Oh, it goes in you, James. The Peter. The Peter, it goes in you.
Oh.
Anem Moose. Alva Thompson. Michael.
It's a Dutch name. Cernijewski. D-Stack. Alexandria. Alexandria Kruketiewicz. Krukowitz. All right. Taylor Carson. This is as close as I'm going to get. Michael Finkel. William Vorgias. Angie Weaselink. Jessica Anderson. Jan Harris. Maybe Jan. Rick Calhoun. Colin Forsyth. Emily Braun.
I don't.
Colin Forsyth. That's what he's doing. Yep. Danielle Crum. It does. Bert. Okay. Berto Calas, Mukulele, Roy with no last name. That's funny. Kiana Price, Cat Proctor, Rian with no last name. Ryan, Rian, Rian. Erica Brimhall. Kelly writes, Lauren Stites. Cher would know last name. Cheryl would know last name. Joy would know last name. Midnight would know last name. Thelma Borgensdorfer. Arlen.
Thelma, you've got a fucked up last name. Arlen Groot. Also, Grukenaz, Grukenaz, Grukunas. I don't know. Jillian with no last name. Laura Hyatt. Lillian with no last name. Oh, Liana. Yana. Yana. Carol Shook.
That was a journey. Lolo Smirnoff. Lauren Loham. Tiasha Deakins. Court with no last name. Stephanie Bean. Kepler with no last name. Colt Kibby. Christine, like the car that killed people. Haley with no last name. Austin Bath. Peyton Rabideau. Hin Hindtime. Shane Shipley. Tree with no last name. Craig with no last name. Also, Craig King. Probably the same person with two of them now.
Twice. Tassarath. Shazzafuchi. Shows-a-tho. Shows-a-thelly. That's not right. That's probably not even somebody's name. Mike would know last name. I don't believe him. Nicole would know last name. Megan Johnston. Allen's mom, Carolyn, would know last name. DrewDog34. JustMyLuck. Lori would know last name. Rhonda Moreland. Dem0. Andrew Knopf. Knopf. Maybe it is Knopf.
It's possible. Jacob Walker, Antonia Valais, Randy with no last name, The System, Melanie Lillis, Jordan Volrath, Edith Cerna. These are the most fucked up names ever.
Anthony Festa, Cindy Archibald, Frida White, Michelle Kupila, Jenny Shillman, Stephanie, okay, Sina Conorath. Oh. Sina Conorath. It feels dirty. I don't know what it is.
John Randall Armza with no last name. Amanda Walsh. Edgar Edward Galligan. Galligan. Galligan. Veronica B., Kayla Lanyer, Cody Richardson, Emily Stewart, Aislinn Burgess, Jess B., Joss maybe, Heather Nelson, Kira with no last name, Christopher Banville, Tila Taylor, Talia Christ, Joe Gladhill, it's probably Chris, Elise Bridges, Becky with no last name, JBW89, also J&J.
You got a sister.
JJ, the letters J and J. Thank you all so much for everything you're doing.
Bye.
Sure.
Forget it. They'd lose their minds.
Pig wrestling is what I call my 20s.
Footprints would prove it.
One dude professing his love on an overpass, and this is Memphis.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
It's tough. It's tough going.
Oh, sweet spot of it.
Or some fascinating numbers.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah, 143. Yeah. You love them.
Colorado?
That's a tough one.
It's got to be where all those cities are. It's got to be their towns near the Kansas line. It's got to be.
Nobody gives a fuck about that area in Colorado.
Once you pass the airport, it may as well be Kansas, because nobody gives a shit.
Nothing east of Denver is even mountainy.
The east line of Denver is already flat.
It gets weird out there, too.
I'm not sure they're fit for fighting.
Yeah.
I mean, he must be used to this rural life. That must be... He's a rural guy through and through.
Yeah.
She she's she's got suspicions, though, James. She's a very suspicious gal.
That's an interesting choice, but all right.
You've got to figure, though, if you go on a trip that you're supposed to take your other person on, and they don't go, and then something like that happens that changes your life, you've got to accept it.
That's just fate, my friend.
Or he's playing the field.
He's got a big heart. He takes care of sick animals. Perhaps he's got such a big heart he just didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
That's a big thing to sort out.
He's just fucking one of the.
But let me tell you, I stuck my nose where it doesn't belong.
Yeah, I got Wishman. I got Weissman. Nobody ever says Weissman.
This talking is so good. I'll talk to you later.
Whoa.
Don't look at me.
It's a promise, yeah.
All right.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, boy.
Let her be out with her.
Yeah, you're going to force a dick down her throat. You better knock it off.
It's certainly coming.
If it's common, you know what I mean? Everybody's had a spectacular event where they punched something.
Your house isn't Swiss cheese. If you've got Swiss cheese holes all over, you've got some anger issues, man.
With a tiny little tape in there.
Tiny little tape of evidence.
Why, James?
Sure, but that's not info for a wall puncher to hear.
Somebody's about to get another job.
Yeah, why is this guy calling?
Uh-huh.
Got your message. Got your message. Called my house, too. Thanks for calling.
Here's my call.
My wall punching days are in my past.
That's the answer.
Yeah, he internalized a lot of grief and didn't let it out.
Yeah. I mean, he doesn't want dad to hear it.
No, he's, I mean.
I mean, he's doing nothing outwardly that's going to hurt his reputation.
He's a sad fuck right now.
He's going to find a country song that's going to speak to that heart, and he's going to play it 3,000 times, and off he goes.
Who knows that song?
Geraldine.
That 60s Chevy's mad comfortable back there.
They're certainly night moving.
Like... Can you call her and talk some sense into her? She's being used.
That area of the country really is sparse.
I heard you know her. If you could keep her from being used, I'd appreciate it.
Wow.
And he just quit his job. The man doesn't have any money.
Yeah. When my family, I mean, we were living in Arizona. My grandparents were living in Colorado. My mom would call them like once a month, and she'd be like, we got to make it quick, but here goes Jimmy. I'd be like, hi, Grandma, how are you? Hurry up.
This is costing me money. It's your sister's turn.
You're going to be like, oh, how are you, Jimmy?
I'm doing all right. How tall are you now? I think 4'8". Great to talk to you.
Jimmy's 16, 4'8". 4'8". I think he's not growing because mom doesn't have any money.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, how embarrassing.
It's just so painful when you show how vulnerable you are. It is. Not only does it not turn her on, it does the opposite.
She gets the ick and never wants to see you again.
Hey, Ann, this guy called me too. Is he crying to you too? He sure was.
Yeah.
Tell her to come back to me.
Yeah.
And you're scaring me with your crimes.
I don't think the Shoshone speak that way.
It was either line or square. I'm sure of it.
Oh, okay. Okay.
Are you jealous?
And I'd love to say that it's small town and specific.
It's just 1996. Yeah. This is just, it's just what it is, man.
It wasn't on purpose.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
Eventually you got to cave, just be like, I'm going to have to sit him down and tell him no.
Oh, it was that bad.
It's going to be at 70.
If sane conversations weren't going to do it, this isn't going to do it.
Right.
Hell yeah.
Somebody not accepting a free drink is a certain go fuck yourself.
He drove her right into his arms.
You brought the astroglide, man. What are you doing?
You brought baby oil to a ditty party.
Now it's criminal shit.
It's crime o'clock.
Sure, it's her bedroom, but it's her parents' place. That's fucking weird.
Let's see if she counted the fucking veins on his cock and wrote it down.
And it's not, Tom.
So I'm going to write it all down in case he gets in here.
Morning.
He needs more than one to say it, though.
No, I mean, you had a friend that did this, driving to the house.
i had a friend that i was like the fourth call in in because everybody was like dude no so he finally called me it was like would you go over to where i was like no i'm not going he goes we'll at least go over and get my click dvd i was like and adam's your click dvd your click the worst adam sandler movie you want that
At least you have Jack and Joe, too, bro.
He literally told me, I don't want her to watch it, man.
Okay.
That's the funniest request I've ever had.
And don't come back.
Okay.
How's this thing, though? What if he is a womanizer and that woman's not there, but another one is?
What the fuck, dude? Get out of here.
Uh-huh.
All I've done is had a long night talk with her. And now I've got this guy. Every three hours, calling me.
You tramp, slut, whore. Every loose woman word.
Just about as much history as America's got to offer.
I did my own welfare check. Didn't find you. So I started reading.
That's a woman that's concerned for her sister's safety because otherwise you just hang up on this fucking guy.
This is crazy. I'll just let him go. Let him go. He's willing to pay this much for it.
A lot of mystery behind that.
I guess that's what it is, yeah. You can't go in. You're going to cause a scene. Oh, it's going to be a scene, yeah.
No.
Fuck, man. He's so exhausted.
Oh, God damn it.
Also, you'd kind of feel like anything that happens to her is going to be your fault. You know what I mean? Yeah. At some point, you've got to take some accountability to calm the fuck down and let that situation go away before you start interfering in it. I don't want to be seen with you for a while. I mean, granted, we should have fucking some decorum and not treat people like this, obviously.
Fuck yeah.
In the event that people can't follow the fucking rules, maybe let them handle it first before you pour fucking piss gas on this fire.
That's exactly what you expected to be.
Real sausage fest around.
But when it's a sausage fest, I'm not calling.
Oh, yeah, you can see one coming from miles.
Ranch style.
Is it several cottages?
Okay. Okay.
Fuck it. This is ours now. We own this.
Okay.
It's yeah.
If I can't have you, I want nobody else.
Okay.
That's a mess.
Tears made the mud look like... Looked like makeup running. Made it look like Schwarzenegger in Platoon. Was it Platoon? No, it's...
Platoon.
The excuses he's making are just, it's just, it's stalking and he's giving shit excuses that are like obvious that you're fucking stalking me.
Isn't he a drywall puncher? This guy's scary as shit.
My truck broke down while stalking. Can I use your phone?
Animals don't speak English.
Wow.
He can come between me and a girl, but the vet, the clinic's how I get more girls.
Too much.
That's a ride, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, with a big tab.
I'm sure he knows where everybody is at all times.
His voice smells cute.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Yeah. No, I love you. No, I love you.
It's fascinating that hunters and ranchers can identify them like a young kid in Baltimore.
It's crazy how that bridges the gap.
I wish more people had standards as low as hers. That's fantastic.
Around 6 p.m.
Oh, so it's 3 p.m.
These people hate daylight savings. That is wild.
They are saving the shit out of it.
But being honest, I've stayed in some pretty nice hotels. Never had popcorn offered.
Really?
I can't. I can't just let it go for four days. I'm going to need somebody to come by.
Wow.
He's spinning a yarn tonight.
This guy's really chit-chatting.
Off the hook.
Kicking his own ass.
Okay. Tore his own shirt, shot himself three times. Boom, boom, boom. Fuck it.
The low ceiling these people have.
Really?
Now,
Most of the people on the police force didn't even see that one.
Three days worth of food?
So basically no policy at all.
No, I'm saying if it's unwritten, then we don't have one.
Three days of food.
Oh, that shit. Wow. That shit's good.
That shit is the best. That shit you can smell when somebody's cleaned.
What the fuck?
One of the sacred hours that we clean up crime scenes.
Feels like the snowstorms will get you.
He really took it out on him, to be honest.
Well, see, you don't understand depression like we do around here. When you're real mad at yourself.
You really do. You do a number on yourself.
Shot himself multiple times.
Really punched himself.
He's a vet, for Christ's sake.
Wow.
If we have to make both beds tomorrow morning, we're charging you.
68 Ford out back.
But how'd you like the three days worth of groceries?
Oh.
Yeah.
Like single people singing? Like somebody walking up to the podium saying, and now I'm going to sing Amazing Grace?
I don't know, man. He really loved animals.
It is fascinating to see a dog judge pick a dog up by its tail and its face and then be like, his hindquarters suck.
It's a bad dog.
Yeah, it's a good dog.
What did you break?
You got me.
He's going to connect you to weapons.
You know, when I stopped for two minutes, there might be ammo with my fingerprints on it.
Oh, God damn.
Coming back with nothing.
God.
Yeah, and don't come for the first time.
There's nothing there.
I synced him with a click.
Oh.
Not three.
Okay, it's got his initials on it.
Yeah.
Now?
Very relevant, yeah.
Yeah.
If you're setting your alarm, then you're sleeping just fine. Just stay asleep, man.
That's some severe FOMO, man.
There's no vacancy. Bye.
I treat the world like a children's book. Sometimes there's some velvet. I got to touch it.
I don't know, man.
It feels like he just thought we have to check everybody in town. 200 people, you could. And then when we run out of people, then we've got to start looking out of town. Yeah. Eventually we're going to check the whole country.
Look out back if you can see through the snowstorm.
That's true.
Are they?
Yeah, that one. Yeah.
They're being way too logical. They got to get some police work done.
I guess it's not logical. They're putting too much human emotion into this. They need to fucking start doing some police work.
It's kind of awesome.
What?
That's the right one, yeah.
Oh.
Because it's hard.
Yeah, he's not telling her.
Not a lot of physical evidence hanging around.
It's dying. This ain't going to last much longer.
I'll send you into a fucking tizzy, babe.
This is a great commercial for 409.
This is just deputies.
Or in the truck.
We got all evidence. Now you can take the bot.
Is that right?
Thank God nobody's here.
They'll sell her a Kirby and then bring the paperwork to me.
Yeah.
A Corvette took your baby?
She rode off with a man in a Corvette?
I could see it.
Is that right?
Yeah, we never do that.
Oh, it'll be in your.
Atta boy.
They blame Ann. Based on one hair, yeah.
That's fixed income.
It's no good, yeah.
We put too much water in the mix. You ever try to make paper mache?
It said two cups, and that was for half, so we put six because we were bad at math.
It was like, you ever made rice, and it's just crispy still? It's weird, right? We just kept putting water, and it ended up too much. So we just drew it.
Makes him sound guilty.
Wow.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now I get it.
Cops love to help.
Try a trailer on the side of somebody's house.
Oh.
He's got eggs and peppers in it.
Oh, boy.
It's not a lot.
God damn it.
Oh, my God.
What are you talking about? Just because we haven't had a murder in clock reset doesn't mean – What the fuck, man?
Nobody said anything about Keith Morrison's face, huh?
Not one thing about maybe get him a drink of water?
Based on the evidence, I guess you've got to say not guilty, but the guy's certainly a piece of shit, right?
Because he knew before anybody that it was with his own guns.
Maybe he heard that he was shot twice in the fucking arm and was like, I mean, he clearly didn't do it on his own.
Okay.
Oh.
I love that they're advertising that. Single-level living. If you got a walker, this house is for you.
Ask the dead guy?
Boy, oh boy.
Yeah. But, I mean, without a doubt, we know two facts. Keith Morrison needs to drink some more water.
His skin is fucked.
You look like a prehistoric riverbed. And then 409 is amazing. That's all we know.
That's the only facts we know.
Not a problem here.
And he showed him how to do it?
That's odd.
Oh.
You get to open for a guy that knew Toby Keith.
He's heard nothing?
He's involved in something, right?
Let me tell you about a guy that once knew Toby Keith.
She was going to murk you.
Really?
I hate it so much.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's a real country singer, right?
This week's executive producers are Elena Zemel's son Noah. Happy birthday, bud. Hey, happy birthday. It's his birthday. He might be 20.
I don't know. Well, happy fucking birthday. You called him bud like he was eight. Raptor 1, happy birthday. Happy birthday. Raptor 2 said so. Raptor 1 and 2. Gary Howard and Jordan Brockwell. Brock Hell. Thank you all so much for what you're doing. You're fucking great people. You're superstars. Thank you. You're amazing.
Other producers this week are Michelle Centeno and her Wolf Pack at Centeno Canals in Canada. Peyton Meadows. Elizabeth Rockefeller. We got Rockefeller money. Janice Hill.
Tiffany Townsend, Robert Baker, Your Highness, Justin Daggett, Travis Freeman, Shell Sinclair, Rosie with no last name, Devin Hughes, or maybe it's Devon. I don't know what that is. Never mind. DeHughes. I was going to mention something else, but it doesn't matter because it's not spelled the same. Brandon M., Tyler Blevins, Vince Oswald, Corin Nilka, Janilka.
Sierra Cash, Sophia Hernandez-Ortiz, Derek Patterson, Madison Benson, Jeremy Brent, Killimas, Ramon Wutrich, Sierra Payne, Heidi with no last name, Matt and Tiffany Laws, Ian Harrington, Jeff with no last name, Michael Werame, Bamfer1987, Thank you Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Arson investigator.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
This is trash.
Yeah.
Good money.
And the money, bud. You're doing great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
Make him do bad things for you.
Is that why the Eagles hate the Cowboys?
You think it's from there?
And it's like a nice, fortuitous, serendipitous meeting, too, where she's just there to get her brain.
He cleared up her yeasty.
Just living careful.
He's allowing people to doctor shop there.
Selling drugs and getting pussy. Get out.
But it might feel good to not have that opulent lifestyle. But like. It's I'm capable of having it. That would be kind of cool.
He had the dream, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, he probably, working for someone else, was like, I could fucking make so much money if I had my own shit going on, and they didn't have so much paperwork tracking this.
Oh, you do.
Yeah, because he's doing it.
There it is.
Well, I got news for you guys. He did it to the tune of $3 million. He did all right.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
That's not good.
What do you do it for? The thrill?
Yeah. I mean, maybe it's not even out.
So that's not why. That's not why he did it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Why, James?
It's not like anybody until they do it.
What we're doing to your family, sure.
Wow, so he still had almost all his cut?
Oh, the booze.
I've treated a lot of my issues with booze and never once have I considered doing anything more illegal than going to get more booze while I was drunk.
Ridiculous.
He just wanted the money.
Okay.
Not easy.
Now he's at home, and he's butt's head with his dad, who's his stepfather, but adopted.
And he probably throws in his face a lot. You just got out of prison, you fucking moron.
Really?
We've been to Kingston before, right?
Yeah. Start a family. Build a life.
I would rather have a rat infestation.
Out of their asshole. That's fucked up, man.
Really?
Tammy and he are on the run.
He hasn't even been sentenced and told how long he's going, but he knows he's going, so he's running.
Okay.
I mean, like, not necessarily.
Is it industrial?
Yeah, where did that come from?
Oh, no.
Is that right?
Oh, my God.
And lazy. Yeah. You know what I mean? That is the worst way to do anything.
And then you just walk away.
God, Jesus.
I got to sage the place.
He said something about $60,000 there.
And local people, when they hear Back Mountain, that's like Colorado people saying Western Slope. It's not good people over there. It's frightening.
Because $100,000 split two ways, even if he doesn't split it evenly, that doesn't stretch.
I'm going to get myself a bachelor's degree.
I'll tell you guys some things.
It would not be a shoebox. Yeah.
Golly.
He'll just wander around in his head.
The Safeway store brand is Lucerne.
Yeah, my uncle is a bad man.
It says graduate, graduate on that pillow. That's the most confusing instruction ever.
Is there a gender reveal of the corpse?
He used bags of topsoil, too.
Three people.
Oh, my God.
Pennsylvania butthole.
A lady named Redman? That means she chews.
Okay.
Okay. Got to be a chaw guy, right?
He created a new slur. It's a char guy.
Hey, yeah, he could be a big fan.
Like him so much, I stole his name.
So big fan of Eminem. Call me Eminem from now on.
Yeah.
That hospital food for the last 48 hours was shit. I'm going to need a Papa John's.
I would have taken more than she took from me.
This guy's not allowed to die tonight. Wow. She said so.
Bagged up remains.
Yeah, it's your beginning or your end, not the middle.
A lot, yeah.
Think about how many people 12 people is.
Yay!
He's still not going to come to your birthday.
Oh, my God.
But now the words are going to come back to haunt this woman.
I should get those suckers with the scorpions in them and – And a bag of twisters, but what else are you going to do?
There's the Sunoco, man.
Now he's talking about don't hate people. Meanwhile, he hated everybody wearing red for the longest time.
Right, one guy.
Money in his pocket.
Sometimes those dogs fail. Get yourself a metal detector and see if you can find some Snoop Dogg clothing buttons on your property.
That's some wild behavior for a man with 12 bodies on his property.
So according to her, the entire Boston Police Department is against her. Maybe don't be fucking smug.
I'm sure you don't.
I didn't do that goddamn paperwork.
Now he's disowned him.
I don't know what that means.
They can't turn their lights on?
What?
Well, he said this, but I don't think he meant that.
And nobody saw this 70-foot-long tail hanging out the window?
No?
70 fucking feet to the ground?
Yeah, you're going to die, man.
Wow.
What?
Each one. Every day he took one.
And you can chop them up, dude.
Yeah, Sunoco can only hire so many people.
That's how bad prison is. Oh, shit. Swim a river to not go.
We're looking in water? What are we looking for?
He's just looking for more bodies.
I don't know, we put him 70 feet in the air.
Higher average money, too. That's great.
He was near a window with 70 feet of bed sheet.
Look around a prison. There is a sign that says do not pick up hitchhikers because they might get out of here.
They tend to drive pricing down.
Yeah, they want to get away furthest. But they're people of opportunity. And if there's a house or a car right there, they're going to try and hurt people and take it.
That'll make you feel like you're rich.
Yeah.
Rikers or is the Rock?
Have him be in that rock over there in New York.
Oh, really? You can't hack it?
Trying to be punctual around here.
Really?
I thought I had this all figured out. Turns out I don't.
Yeah.
He heard the rocks there. He's not coming there.
Yeah.
Glued it back in.
I was going to say, where do you hide sheets? I guess you could tuck them into your mattress.
That's the only place.
Yeah.
Start of an acre? Not crammed in, though.
Give me your sheets or I'll rape you.
Like moss or like trees?
I don't have any flesh on my garage door.
Something has taken root up there and that's weird.
I mean, if somebody's skin.
That person's probably hurt somewhere.
That means a whole lot.
Your DNA is on the knife sheath of a knife underneath a body that's been stabbed to death.
Dude, you're in a lot of trouble.
Okay.
Really?
Really?
They love him.
Court employees are... Ogling on the clock coming on in to have a look at this guy.
I mean, Jesus. Bundy killed how many? 30 women? Yeah. Didn't believe it.
Oh, my God.
Unbelievable.
It's a very specific book.
He can crawl 70 feet from bed sheets. That's impressive.
Throw me over his shoulder and take me right to the bedroom.
Doesn't have a fan club for him, does it?
You slag motherfucker.
The cheerleaders for the 76, the whole squad wants to fuck one man.
You're looking for a guy that shotgun blasts people and buries 12 in his fucking yard.
There's that.
Yeah. Where's your dad? Who's this guy?
They're not going to be out at the bar blowing everybody.
Thank you.
I do like it. I still am in love with it. I just wish I had money to buy shit like that.
It's a bit much.
That's a lot of shoes.
Oh, boy.
Oh, that's fucked up.
Noodles and meat. Let's go.
Okay.
What?
What are you selling?
Really?
And the robbery of his parents is fucking disgusting.
And told them that he needs money. That's crazy.
And they arrested him right then, right?
No.
Don't drink. I'm a good dad.
I don't think he's going to get out, man.
Rapunzel's tower with no bed sheets. No bed sheets.
Okay.
Right.
And you can say whatever you want in your defense. The bummer is going to be when they get to question that. And you don't want to do that.
You got bodies in your yard, man.
Weekly didn't do that. You did that.
And if you keep fighting.
Oh, would you? I'm wondering the same thing. I've been wondering that since 2002. Wow.
On a Mexican set.
You're hanging out with dudes attracted to kids, so you've got a bad judge of character, man.
They got 401ks.
Yeah. Big Toby Keith fan.
She's having a tough week. Let's let her be.
I mean, you can't leave the old lady alone.
Are you shitting me?
What the fuck?
It could be anybody.
Those could be Civil War soldiers. They don't know.
I couldn't be turned off harder, man. This is horrible.
Okay.
Her basement or his basement?
What? What?
What the fuck is going on?
Most authentic. I don't know what the fuck that's supposed to mean.
He wasn't using coal fire.
They care the most.
Did he give his crazy neighbor unfettered access to his property to bury, burn?
Of course they do.
There's nothing Snapped about this.
I got to know so much more about her. What the fuck happened?
I need her childhood and everything. She's fucked up.
This week's executive producers are Liz Vasquez, Peyton Meadows, Gary Howard, Amy Barton, Janice Hill, Ben Cartlidge, and Marlene Parsons. Nice. Some of our favorites in there.
Yeah, you guys, thank you all for being a part of this for so long. Yeah, thank you so much. And really doing it. And Ben Cartlidge, too.
Other producers this week, Chase Scott, Thomas Smith, Madeline Schreier, Jason, Fran with no last name, Fran B., Jessica Martin, Anastasia with no last name, Matthew Norris, Shark Loaf, I don't know what that is, Brian Sidney, Elizabeth Gibbons.
It's just Shark in there. Yeah, Steffi J., Danielle Holt, Lily with no last name, Wesley Dusenberry, Abby Fernandez, Mark with no last name, Clarence Greiser, Greaser maybe, Mitch with no last name, Joe Hartwell, Claude Musselman. I wrote that, and I just got it. That's fantastic. Oh, I love it.
Don't dig on this property. Anything in here you dig up, it's yours. We're still looking for the horse.
Very well done. A patron, Jason with no last name, Kyle P., Miranda Randles, Tiffany Greenwood, Aaron Ziegler. Nathan Burrows. Jason with no last name. J.M. Big Brown. Steven Carson. Kristen. Nope, that's Kirsten Bodie. Stephanus. Stephanus. Stephanus Lombard. It's not Stephanus, is it?
Michael Peplinski. Vanessa Keyhole. J. Bad Fowler. Flower. That's what that is. Wes Watts. Jessica Allen. Kat Graham. Dustin Lumley. Paula with no last name. Crunky Basil. Candy Kane, I'm sure. Jen. Oh, boy. Kontofalski. Kantofalski? What the? Wow, that's a tough one.
Katie B., Caitlin Yancey, Jessica Lupo, Milan Puskas, Jen Walsh, Stephen Moore, Stephan maybe, LostMyTaco, Brian with no last name, Emmanuel Villarreal, Cecilia with no last name, Rory Zakowski, Brandy Shearer, Lachlan McNeil, Denise Rule, Candice Shahan, Shahan maybe, Sean, Thomas Hall, Benja. Just Benja? All right. No last name. Benja. Owen. Benja. Fledging? Jesus. Clarissa Miller.
Brian Schroer. Book Lady. Lyle with no last name. Amy Stevens. Bethany Bach. Brian and Faye Todd. Agent Buttery Nipples. All right. Jennifer with no last name. Caroline. Carolianne. Hirondell. Rory would know the last name. David Horn. Richard would know the last name. Adam would know the last name. Carly Dyes. Angie Huggard. Camille Heinrich. Missy would know the last name. Chaz Langston.
Jody Pruillette. Pruillette. All right. Lachlan Cole. Matt Cameron. Brandon Murphy. Gabriella Snyder. Kaylee North. Brynn Sheel. Sheely, maybe. Michael... John Stone, Sam Richardson, Melissa Ergot, Tristan Adams, Joe Hewitt, Will with no last name, Trevor Coulter, Britt Walls, Dan Yammin, Dill Dozer. Oh, Dill. Gotcha. Dill Dozer. Got it? All right. All right.
That is incredibly cheap.
Courtney Jadaly, Megan Lee, Susan Suma, Michelle Nichols, Michael with no last name, Chris Clinton, Jenny Harmuth, GB Brooks, Brandy Hammond-Smith, Muriel Lavender, Chris Elder, Lisa Odium. Odium. Is that an I? It's an I. Odium. Josh Chalmers, Jesse Alexander, Leslie Ann, Lurkey. Lurkey Launamore. Launamore.
A little lurky. A little more. Maybe a little more. Emily Gage. Sweener with no last name. Buttercrumbs. Buttercrumbs. Doreen B. Mark. Chapa. Chapa Delane. Chap Delaney. C.J. Frisch.
Fritch, Kaylee Stubbins, Stubbins maybe, Robert Green, Amber with no last name, Ducky Gunther, Madeline Pressman, yes, Pressman, Pressman, Selena Coppert, 83, Pisces, Melissa Jesse, Susan Mazur, Christian Newton, Lori Bracken, Pete with no last name, Kevin R., Samantha Savory, Matthew Cosgrove, Robin Abobin. All right. Mark with no last name. Lee Gamble. Dash with no last name.
Chandra with no last name. Emily A. Marissa McNeil. Barbie Bayer. Denise Spivey. Rina. Rina Sheets. Kyle Genekin. Ryan Panetta. Petita. Amy Baxter. Aaron Rayl. Tanya May, Carrie Harder, Melissa Peters, Bitchy Grandma, Noah Wilson, Sophia Carlson, True Zigzag. Those fake ones, they're the worst. Steven Ramirez, Diane Rangel, Keith O, Richard Higby, Lesley Benson. Jesus fucking Christ.
My neighbor just bought a Dually for $92,000. Exactly. But I was like, yeah.
Jacob, Mowry, Dwayne, Jeffries, Nelly T, Ailey, Allie, Allie Billing, Tickle Bitties, Melinda Denton, Megan Martin, Roxanne, with no last name, and all of our patrons. You guys are the best. Thank you.
One bath in there, huh?
Does it have acreage?
It hasn't been taken care of.
Maybe we take a loan and buy that one.
The cheapest quote-unquote livable home in Phoenix, right?
On a corner of like a really bad street and another really bad street.
I want to know which person was the badass that decided, let's call it the big dam.
What's offensive about damming the river?
What's offensive about year-long cropping?
How do they have a big damn fair and they don't have a single big damn band?
And the boys. And the boys.
They literally are marketing the NFL.
Okay, there's no Tina Turner cover band?
Everybody that you don't know.
Yeah, I'd fucking light shit on fire, too, if they told me there was a big damn festival and I didn't recognize a single man.
Yeah, I've heard of it only because my substitute teacher was an Indian lady, like from India. Yeah, yeah. The way she would say Iowa City College cracked me up. That's the only time I've ever heard of Iowa City.
Or cheese and vagina mixed together.
Yeah. In fact, my mom was 24 when she did exactly this.
When I say it, people are shocked.
They're like, what?
The man's been married nine times.
Building blocks. Let's do it.
And there's three other kids, too.
Like fucking pizza boy. Sure.
Yeah. You know, Jesus, they got to be clamoring for email.
You should be very predictable, your movements.
At the grocery store, okay.
And she's not in her car.
Yeah, but my point is, like, if everything's above board and innocent when she parks, that's the instant that it goes awry because her purse and checkbook are there. And if she went into the store, she would take that with her.
That's how you paid for shit. That's so bizarre.
If not to have them take the report on the daughter, for sure they'd take it on the infant.
He saw her on the weekend.
How long a ride is that?
And in the morning when he gets up for work, it's probably 4 a.m.
Craner operators are on site at like 5 a.m.
Take off before the kids get out of school.
She's leaving the kids at school? Come on.
Some places don't even take cash. It's like this is American money. What are you talking about?
There's cashless places.
They can't make change. What are you talking about?
You just say things like, I don't know, man, we're married.
I mean, that's neither here nor there.
Yeah. Yeah, if that crane's moving, he's there.
Where the fuck are the other three kids? Are they just with their grandma?
A missing woman just said what?
And it's weight loss that... This is weight loss results that last. They stick around because you get yourself into a lifestyle change.
So, you know, vigil at best.
Mark the date and next year really throw a party or something.
She's probably a skeleton now.
What are we doing?
It's just... What's going on with Kimmy?
Here's a lady who I clearly fuck a lot.
What is she doing?
You think she's a whisman?
I bet she's beating him at this point.
Yeah, somebody got her.
Yeah, that's true.
That was... Huh? How about I'm having the baby and meet me at the hospital?
You didn't have to do anything. I didn't want to bother you. That's wild. I did this, so come home and see this.
I've had, I've had, that's a rug.
Took a couple of Advil and delivered a baby. Wow.
Well, you got to, I don't know, maybe if she's delivering this thing in the tub, she didn't know if it was a boy or a girl.
You didn't just want a bunch of yellow shit, right?
Okay. This is all if she had the... Yeah, she didn't do this in the same day.
Strong little bastards.
Broccoli or asparagus?
That's a soft pitch.
I'm not going to keep his fucking...
None of us have the right answer all the time. Exactly. Sometimes you need a little coaching. Sometimes you need an extra tool in the toolbox to cope and deal with the day.
Now you've got two stories.
Is that the going rate?
Now explain this to your husband. This is going to be a fun dinner conversation.
Even Andrea Yates probably thought of that.
He doesn't believe it.
Make sure she doesn't do anything kooky. She's doing the kookiest shit I've ever heard.
You can tell me everything. Somebody press record.
And you lied to a man for months.
I was trying to give him what he wanted.
People snort Arm and Hammer and fucking flour.
First things, though, you got to give those police the most credit for actually going to her house and being like, let me get a look at that baby.
They're punched in.
Is that their job, though, to go look at somebody's baby?
I just don't know that every cop would be like, let's go look.
I could see a small town police force going, this lady says that she thinks that this baby's, like, stolen or something. And somebody else is going to go, yeah, that bitch probably just wants her own baby.
Barren and jealous.
He's got to be just so he's beside himself.
This newborn is nasty at all.
It smelled like shit.
Your wife gave birth to a month old baby.
With the blood leaking out of it.
It's a badass truck.
Unwrapped the Christmas gift.
And took the wrapping with him.
And then he attacked cops like he... Like it was crazy. Right. Like it's crazy to take his baby from him.
You guys made a mistake. Bob, what have you just... Where have you been?
He's the dumbest, smartest man alive.
It knows where her nipple is.
Oh shit, there's more people.
Just does whatever his wife says.
I've walked across town not to argue before in terms of. Oh, man, avoiding confrontation with a live-in. Oh, fuck. You'll go leaps and bounds around your path.
Putting a body away? No.
Nobody was ever going to find this.
Even if she didn't give up hope, at least now she's got a reason to. Yeah, exactly. That other part of give up hope, and they're like, but I don't have a body. I can't give up hope. That's fucked up.
Oh, and a liner, yeah.
So many bugs. Golly.
They're also trying to take the car seat, too.
Get this kid around.
Yeah, that's gross.
That and a pregnant woman.
She's got a distended hard belly.
Geodes are real weird.
I'm a big fan of Son of a Preacher Man.
I don't know how anybody knows. How do you know that it's one?
She's ruined your life, Bob.
It's so new. Holy shit. That's why they got married. If you're three months, 90 days you've been married and she says there's a body in the fucking basement. We are so annulled. I can't get out of here fast enough.
He's already got her name tattooed on his neck.
Why is the center fucking magical?
She was eating onions like apples. It was crazy. It was crazy. Does that have a pregnant woman?
Here's a deal, yeah.
Who gives an absolute fuck?
This is unbelievable.
12 years ago. She's like, maybe it didn't take?
The one that raised the flags.
She couldn't have kids. And she's telling these guys she's pregnant. Wow.
All the sand just keeps coming off these things.
A grinder. A fucking drummer.
Get a metal chipper.
Tuck everything into some jeans.
I mean, if you're making fake furs, I guess you can make it out of rat and just tell people it's something else.
For not being her friend.
What? Had a baby. It's a dead.
Oh, boy. What's in there?
Get the fuck out of my life.
What do you bet that W in Zachary's middle name is Wendell? Wendell, it absolutely is. She named a nothing after him. What's in the grave, James?
Wow. That's unbelievable.
She stopped at like a CVS and buried the bear. She named it.
Pink teddy bear, Zachary Wendell.
This bitch is crazy, man.
Yeah, they can do it right there.
That's the dive bar.
Yeah, because when you're on some sort of a diet or any kind of keeping an eye on things, those are one of the first things to go.
Yeah, she's incredibly sick.
Sometimes I walk into dive bars and I'm just like, oh, this ain't it.
That's not stoic. That bitch is thinking.
And you can't... The real hole in her story is that second bullet hole. That's the bad part.
Yeah. Committed suicide. Twice? What?
Look at the wall. They're all there.
It's a goddamn gun, lady.
And he's looking forward to his chance.
I've never even heard of it.
All fucking day. Three's crazy.
Yeah, that's five fucking hours of movies, man.
I go to a dive bar that like at night sometimes is happening.
She's looking forward to it, too.
And if we're playing big bank, little bank, and I've got all these pennies and you have nothing, then I win.
We need the media staying in hotel room revenue right here.
Why would she even be there?
That's what they should call it.
It's all dudes that want to fuck. That's it.
Her best friend was like, yo, you've got a baby. You better go make sure that they don't find you suspicious.
Now it's just fucking the dude from Saved by the Bell, isn't it? Isn't he the extra guy now?
Stop showing me you don't age. Fuck.
She just wanted to visit this town.
Piss in the bottles. Drink the milk.
So they take your tax dollars and make the- 1889. Okay, all right.
Marble wainscoting. You've got to- Fuck, man. That's not easy to do.
Yeah. That guy died. That movie, they make him out to be like he died penniless.
It looks like Glen Harbor Homes decorated with this shit with single wives.
We can bring a truck in here and move every building.
She didn't get rid of them.
It sounds like a barnacle, but none of us can leave.
Yeah, it works great.
I can get you an eight ball and a baby if you want.
We know how you like to fret. Don't fret.
There's some trash in the basement you got to deal with.
He'll kill my kids with my own gun.
Well, he's supposed to be surprised.
I mean, around about three grand. It was antique.
This is unbelievable. She might be legit crazy.
That's possible, yeah.
Probably had some ether in there.
Yeah, I got some condoms full of heroin. Come here.
She's never gotten a phone call from Florida.
Yeah, sounds like your roots are there, bud.
These homing pigeons, and sometimes they just go away.
She's like the opposite, but the exact same as Casey Anthony.
And somehow cares for children a little more.
Oh, this poor bastard's just trying to make bear claws.
Yeah, he's dealing with the white.
Well, don't say that. She's crazy.
That's why she thought they'd never find him. So she dug deep into her mind to find this crazy name.
Go buy a cupcake. Christ.
And this person believes that the solution is putting in playgrounds so that there's witnesses. I don't know. What's their idea of what?
You take the gun from her and tell her, please get lost.
Can we have a do-over on this one?
That's true, but I don't know if it's all children.
Somebody's turned on.
Right. Neither of them exist.
He wants vengeance.
Yeah, I do too. He's just a dummy.
That would hurt so bad.
How can you describe what you did without being sensational?
That's the other part.
I don't know why she had to throw the prettiest part in there. What the fuck, man?
Is that right?
Or like a specialized. Yeah, just a minute.
That's in homeroom freshman year. That's where that shit's at.
That's trying to get fucked up and like the taste. She's the original girl looking for Zima.
Wasn't homeschooled, huh?
That's not winning votes.
No, but I hope you tell me.
How do you feel the team?
We're using the practice tackler as the front line because we don't have enough people.
That's what he said, yeah.
Just encouraging them to participate. That's easy because we need. Yeah, you have to.
My mom would have loved at least one of those calls.
What did he do now? Good things.
He did great. Give him a fucking award then, for Christ's sake. Maybe he'll continue it.
What do you want? Well, they're not. They're overt. You're wearing panties right now, actively. Right now. We were dummies that put them on the spot way harder.
Get out of there. Get the hell out of there.
Yeah.
So I come here and get yelled at by adults who think they're better than everyone. And then I go back to my room where I shit where he shits. I'm out. I'm not doing that. And he. And her.
Also, she just broke up with a long-term boyfriend that clearly never had sex with her. So you got zero chance. No sex.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh.
You don't want to go car rides with the prosecutor. No.
You're lying to us. Why?
They usually reserve that for a judge to tell him what he can and cannot yell at you about.
It just took her to say, stop it. And he goes, fine.
A lot of people leave around springtime, around summer.
Yeah.
Yeah. She screamed for the last 10 miles to turn around.
Yeah.
And he said he – You cut a woman's face. There's no turning back because you –
She's not going to just go back to school and be like, nothing happened.
Yes.
That's the first time this guy did... I mean, obviously, he's not good at it. He's covered in blood, but he's capable of this. That's terrible.
Someone is capable of that in town, but he is arrested and we're still going to lock him because we're still not. Now we know it exists.
And there's nothing there.
Yeah, and want to stare at mountains.
If it's not the fucking Knight Rider Pontiac.
Was that a Firebird? It was a Firebird, wasn't it? Or was it a Camaro?
No, no, I mean the Knight Rider.
It was a Firebird, yeah.
If it wasn't that, then it wasn't computerized, Fred.
If it's not Kit, then get the fuck out of that car.
Levi, you're going to prison.
You're stealing the interior.
My God.
Yeah.
They blew the fire up.
The only way they're not going to.
We got bombs?
Just get that wily horse from the Wyoming flag and get it to do some fucking brodies over his face.
Just throw dynamite into the fire.
Oh, boy, it's over.
They open the ledger and it's dusty.
The clerk's ribbon on her stenographer is all dried out.
She presses the shorthand keys over and over again to get one.
Hold on.
She's got a raging heroin addiction, and she smokes cigarette after cigarette after cigarette.
Yeah. Nice.
I had a room right next to her. She haunted me. You're in so much trouble, man.
That's awesome. Both relatives, right back to back, are like, dude, you're in so much trouble. She's going to be pissed.
Oh, he's going to be so mad.
And the judge, we're not going to kill him. That's as lenient as it gets.
Yeah.
This story would fuck up the L.A. County parole board. Yes. This is going to be real bad in Wyoming.
That's as speedy as the Constitution offers.
Oh, shit.
That's probably the nicest thing in the medium security.
I need a quiet town in my life.
Bye.
I mean, there's a slur that they created just by mispronouncing. Yeah.
Not even a Walmart. Nothing is open past 11.
Yeah.
There's only so many days you can do it.
The 80s bicycle movie.
I wonder if there's something with that.
Yeah, but Bear. Oh, Berry? Her name's Bear Bryant.
You want to pay homage to bears.
But they're all mountain towns of that area.
Yeah.
Those instruments, all of them are crazy.
Your mouth goes fucking numb.
She's just doing the most high school of everybody.
She actually has a high school career, man.
She's the most professional high schooler I've ever heard of.
Yeah.
That bell rings. I want off campus immediately.
As everybody's watching the clock count down, I want to be gone already.
Idiots. I want to smell like cigarettes before then.
I'd be impressed that they found two that can do it.
And it's weight loss that... This is weight loss results that last. They stick around because you get yourself into a lifestyle change.
But for now, he should just be really thrilled that he gets to be an only child.
If you go at spring break, that's a fucking nightmare.
It depends, though, if that's your scene, like that kind of murky shit.
If you're trash and you want to just be trash on an off weekend, that sounds awesome. But if you want to be trash amongst millions of trash, no thank you.
Jesus Christ. You're trying to stay dry? Why are you wearing sneakers?
Why'd you wear your evening gown? What are you doing out here?
I want to die thinking about it.
He's got to be a military contractor. Yeah.
So don't go in there.
I already got to repair a door. You guys come fix whatever else.
Wow. Really?
So she's she's trying to run and get out through the garage.
Yeah, this crime scene just got much more severe.
Well, you better hope you don't get caught, because that's good.
Oh, Jesus.
A claw hammer.
Yeah.
What?
I'm not doing it. Yeah.
You can't be.
Sure enough.
Not me.
What?
I'm going to get real strategic about my pistol.
I know shit that my neighbors do. That's weird.
Frustrating. Yeah.
Anybody have a fingerprint?
Can you bring that?
Now back to the show. We'd still enjoy it if you guys would come in and run a show.
What?
Yay and choo-choo.
I think the guy is making a bigger threat.
And if anybody's got a ballistic kit at home, please bring that by the station so we can test this round.
At minimum, a GSR kit. Please bring them by the station.
Apart from the fact they happen at the exact same time.
And then this shooting. Her house is robbed. Yeah.
Sounds to me like somebody's terrorizing them.
Somebody's telling us that.
So how could she do that?
Look at how filthy her husband's being with me.
Do you happen to know any dirty friends?
Tony's in Afghanistan and she's fucking the neighbor.
Holy.
We'll tell you.
Straight murder.
It's pretty big and it's in the Midwest.
And if it fucks you up, you can get out of there fast.
I'm sure we'll get there. But did he do this alone, James?
He's upset.
You're super grounded.
Wow.
What are you paying?
Oh, fuck.
Oh, God. Oh, fucking shit.
I never want to throw such great dick that it makes somebody want to murder somebody. That's crazy. What is he throwing?
Or is she just making it easier to bang him while he's away? I guess. When the husband comes home... All bets are off. We just don't we don't see each other anymore.
Oh, Tony. Yeah.
Jerk.
He still loves her.
Who's more delusional, him or Aunt Diane's husband?
Yeah. Unbelievable.
What does he think happened?
Yeah.
Who gives a fuck?
They lock her up.
What the fuck, man?
Yeah.
Yeah, he probably doesn't give a fuck.
Yeah.
I'm sure he gets it.
Even if he hasn't, he's seen Call of Duty at this point. He knows what's what.
The same drives me nuts, too, by the way. Heart-wrenching? Isn't it gut-wrenching or heart-breaking?
I think it's gut-wrenching and heart-breaking.
What the hell?
I mean, he beat a woman with a fucking claw hammer.
And then you picked him up and helped him cover the pretty anus.
Who bungled it?
That is shockingly callous.
Has to, right?
No, they admitted it.
Now back to the show.
None of us have the right answer all the time. Sometimes you need a little coaching. Sometimes you need an extra tool in the toolbox to cope and deal with the day. Write your story with BetterHelp.
Now back to the show.
He really thinks somebody else did it.
Right.
Is that right?
Yeah, because those boys, they may not ever forget their mother because they are bully age. They are going to be reminded of this every year.
Yeah. Quote unquote ain't going to suck themselves.
These are not good. It's got to be aggravated with the theft. You know what I mean?
It's a fucking claw hammer.
Vic Hawk.
Circumstantial.
It's all there, Vic.
Yeah, there is an eyewitness, one for each of them.
Sure.
That's a fascinating choice to a murder trial.
Stand behind them. Not in front of them or beside them. Definitely behind them.
Jesus.
Have to.
Vic must have just run them like crazy and taken so much money from them. Talking about, I can have you beat the case. Don't worry. I just need this much money. We're doing testing. We've got professionals.
Each double life and 20 to run consecutively. Holy shit.
But at 19, if she nagged you enough to do anything, you wouldn't just do it?
Oh, right, right, because he's from the other marriage. That makes it easier for him, I think.
He's probably been around for 15 years.
Older, younger than that, probably five, because nine months to carry that fucker.
And it made that bald fucker look handsome.
She didn't even snap. She's living the best life.
Yeah.
Jesus.
That's how big of a deal Carnegie was.
Take care.
How do you make such a mistake?
Yeah. In that year.
She is so proud of herself.
Everybody's got a medium sized dick.
On the sidewalk and everything.
And now back to the show.
You got to put it in your ass and run a 5K.
The fuck is that?
Is that the dome that they ride motorcycles inside of?
Oh, my God.
Columbia County Fair doesn't get anybody?
Does her mix a lot? Anything?
I'm a gas.
They named me this long before the goddamn show.
And the temperature with which to keep it fresh.
Almost lost him. He can't swim and he got in a pond? What a dummy.
I don't know.
When you don't know how, fucking, don't go impressing friends and shit.
What?
He's already a farmer. He's going to get better and better at this.
I know, but it sounds like somebody's going down on Gilbert Grape's mom.
Or Gilbert Grape.
I think so, wasn't he?
Yeah, because I can see Leonardo DiCaprio calling him Gilbert.
I remember him saying Gilbert though, saying the B with his top teeth on the bottom lip, not Gilbert. When he was sad, I hated it.
She's a pig.
Jesus.
Oh, boy.
Can you give me a slimmer, abler body mother to take care of my brother so that I can do this shit?
You got to have great milk.
Sure.
It's pretty weird.
Okay.
Oh, he's doing that shit.
You almost can't take anything they say and value it and pay it for anything that matters because it's just lunacy.
Dead.
What the fuck?
Okay, so a couple hours ago.
Oh, boy. They've got to be engorged by now.
What the shit?
Is that right?
Oh, Jesus.
Where's dad?
He's dead there?
Oh, God damn.
A 14-year-old did this, huh? That's what they assume?
This is nuts, man.
Can't be.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's weird.
I've never seen that before.
That's named after a president, yeah? Wasn't there a president of Webster?
Oh, is it? What? What is he doing?
Is there a web? What the fuck?
Oh.
Yeah.
I don't want to do it.
No?
Oh, my God.
That's fucked up, man. But why?
So he killed him because of the grave.
So then why kill your own wife?
He had nothing to do with it.
Yeah, because what if he did this like the Beltway killer who just killed all these people just to kill his ex-wife?
In this particular instance, his actual wife.
That's a man that is counting on you to set him free so he can get back to work.
This is it, man.
Yeah, no shit.
Can't prove the others or what?
He bought everything? Because he's such a good guy.
Oh, he went and brought them to sell them?
Which Civil War? American?
But he returned the shit he borrowed, James.
He's a good man.
But there's four others.
Yeah, just four others.
Nobody I know reveled in it.
Certainly hold him on a pedestal.
No, you don't think so?
We got 20 years of people in line ahead of you, so just go sit down.
I'm going, M-A-R-What?
The Schnick family.
There's 1,900 people here. You're going to know somebody.
Licking, Missouri?
Holy shit.
That's too bad is what that is.
Look, being a cynic and thinking... Beyond it all, I think he was killing her and had to make it look like it was anybody but him. Absolutely. He's going to have that new woman move right in. What the fuck?
Yeah, it's got to be so small.
I'm not going to show up fucking clout and validate us. Please come through.
Paul Rudd got a cousin.
Okay.
Families of farmers.
Cousins and such.
And when we're talking farmland, so brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, whatever.
That's called all shifts covered.
Semen salesman.
Yeah.
Yeah, that part's nuts.
But if it's a small grain operation, not so bad.
Some man born in the 60s. Like, he was a teenager in the 70s, and... Yeah, he's going to have some criminal shit, but that's heavy.
Today he was laid off. We've got work for you.
Shot two guys, one bullet.
Search me. I don't have a gun. I don't know what you're talking about.
The wider piece kept his thigh.
That's a real ass gun, man.
Wow. It has like a seal on it that says Peacekeeper.
He lives in the wind on the land. He needs a weapon for nature. He does. The cops don't want him to have one.
We accidentally made 400 pizzas, James. Please take us home.
I'd be upset. That's going to take us so long.
This is five times the work.
It's very bizarre that there are people named Justin that are old enough to have kids.
There's a professional football player named Aiden right now, and it drives me nuts every time they say his name. I bet, yeah.
So you should be sick somewhere.
And he's like one of the best players on the Lions, too. And every time they say his name, I'm like, no, just call him by his last name.
Yeah, they got him assumed as the bad guy.
Yeah. Doesn't seem like they're doing much out there anyway. So I don't know.
Trying their best.
Because he's got the gun and ammo separate.
Anytime anybody's missing and somebody goes, I was mad at that guy.
Yeah, I've already found the Dooley tracks at the gate. So he left.
We're done out of here, guys. This is my land.
But just because I'm not wearing a badge don't mean it didn't happen.
Yeah, and a farmer's not getting rid of his boots.
Chase is a bad guy.
It's one of those, like a camouflage suit.
Worse, it's like, yeah, it's kind of, I mean, Schwarzenegger would have worn it in fucking- Predator? Yeah. Why do I always want to call him Platoon?
It's a swamp suit, essentially. It's like trying to keep yourself hidden, camouflaged.
Oh, he might be just hiding amongst the brush.
There's a lot of fire. This is wild. A lot of things breaking.
Stock this guy for five grand. Yeah.
He's not missing nor a suspect. What the fuck? Can you do that?
You're not good camouflage. I can see you. Hey, buddy, what's going on? While I was driving, I saw you.
Yeah, and I've already found those truck tracks.
There's a 19 year old missing.
I can't imagine it's any higher grade beer than Little Caesars kind of beer.
They're in a homosexual relationship, and I'm hoping that Kurt didn't hurt.
Nothing's checking out yet.
That's the whole point of it, yeah. That's what Saddlesores are.
We like it. We're not going to stop it.
That's enough with the whores.
Fuck you, it's our winch now.
Yeah, I'm not taking any, especially a winch. That probably saves his life in some situations.
Don't fuck with a man's winch.
Yellowstone is about confidence. It makes sense why they're all mad at each other.
Why does he care if Dylan is the kind of kid that just does whatever he wants? Doesn't he own this shit?
I touch everything. That's the thing about me and six-year-olds. I touch everything.
I give him a lot of foot massages through his shoes.
The phone is in the water?
In broken English, I'm sure.
Hang on to these.
It's the better one, right?
Why are you here? I escape. I escape and come. And then I move there, and then I'm out of here.
It's a stupid rap name.
Right, yeah. Unless little Eric left a note in this phone.
Yeah, I would too if I had a little bit of cash and no need to do anything. That's awesome.
It didn't ruin it.
How the fuck did that happen?
He got himself caught.
Yeah, it's so recent. There's so much technology.
Oh, my God. What is happening out here?
Let us bury him.
Winter is cold and summer is hot.
It's his property, man.
This is so fucked.
Poor little guy.
Just wanted to grow some grain.
He wanted to be an actual farmer. Jesus Christ.
Every week there's a person.
I assume society is going because I saw a car last week.
Stamps are useless.
Wow. That's got to be a driver's nightmare seeing that address.
I'm Jimmy Wissman.
You can close the door and shit.
Show me this. Oh, boy. It is nothingness. That one's cool.
The rest of it's just desert. 80 acres for $46,000.
10 acres, 10 grand.
Apple green. There's no apples.
It's just the color of the rock.
Remember those things in school? Did they ever have those on your playground? They had those on our playground. They were buried, half buried.
There was a kid that ran into one of those and fucking capped herself. She peeled the top of her fucking head off. Ouch.
Or the cheap school district puts them in the playground.
Hide in those, you fuckers.
So police station shows up.
You're not going to miss a whole land if you've got six hundred and eighty acres.
Holy shit. Shit, that's a big radius.
Yeah. Pick a spot, go 15 miles away from it, and then do a circle.
This guy's just starting. This is a 19-year-old's lifestyle, not a 58-year-old's lifestyle.
For me, look, I'll be 44 in a second. A 19-year-old with a... I can't do this for more than two days.
Send him off to Nintendo Wii and we'll deal with this.
She needs a caretaker.
I'll bet he does live there.
I wonder how much property is there with all that shit. You got to pay for all that. That's so expensive.
Oh.
Really?
God.
Sounds hot.
That's a problem.
I can tell when she was so skinny.
Keep the kids.
Doesn't even throw them away.
You can use old flannel shirts to make sheets. That article told me.
Yeah, it could be both.
Right.
Or which one of us is the family spokesperson?
I love it.
The step kids hate each other.
Wow.
Spit out your stepmom's food? No, her food.
Oh, God.
Maybe you shouldn't have spit out the green beans, dickhead.
Yay, and choo-choo.
Now back to the show. His brother kicked him so hard he got a scar?
She's just giggling, driving the car. I don't know.
Get rid of the kid?
Oh.
Oh, no.
Is that like SIDS, you think? Is it classified as that?
Yeah.
That's unbelievable.
Giving you all some nuts.
The man's been married eight times. It feels like he holds the grudge real strong.
I didn't understand, James.
I need a woman that was born two years after my first marriage.
Really? Took his advice.
Do you got a Dremel at home?
He bought a silencer.
You make this less traceable and get me a silencer. God damn.
Tried to kill a young woman.
Listen to a grown man cry.
He hasn't paid a dime.
Why? What?
The M&Ms that will go together.
Oh, my God.
He's got a problem.
He's 24 and has three kids and no teeth.
Oh, my God.
He's in charge of orchards and can't even eat the fucking prawns.
Yeah.
How could you tell? How would you know?
You can't even come where we forgive people.
We will not redeem nor forgive you ever.
Until you get me some new BFGs.
Really?
How old is she?
She looks like the old lady from the Warner Brothers cartoons that beats up the cat.
And a broom as her favorite weapon.
Could you maybe give it back to her, please?
Yeah.
Really living the opposite life of Bruce Wayne.
Texas Murdaws.
Fire sale.
Yeah.
Yeah, because when you're on some sort of a diet or any kind of keeping an eye on things, those are one of the first things to go.
Holy shit.
Try never to see anybody.
Men in Black 8, you bet.
Wow.
Yeah, you can't get rid of her. What's the agreement?
We're not doing it.
You're going to get $55,500 to do this.
San Saba.
Everybody was.
There's a water leak. There's shit spraying everywhere.
You got some splinter to do.
An 85-year-old woman wanted to run down to the river.
Oh.
It does have a spotlight. That means you can put her under the hot one.
Unbelievable.
Why would you do that?
And that's going to. OK.
Really focused on answering that door.
A meth head did that.
How was the sermon?
Yeah.
She's forgiven him for everything.
Oh my God.
Oh my, what?
$100 cash.
I'll do it for $450.
He wanted more money than I have.
Could have been worse.
Oh, he's a stone cold killer.
He may have been part of it. We don't know. Maybe that killed him.
I'm going to be gone, you guys.
Yeah, it's going to be a while. At least 24, 48 hours.
Is that right?
He gets in relationships with people and then he's just like, I'll kill everybody.
Sure.
I heard y'all are a real bad man.
Holy shit, he couldn't be more guilty.
Welcome to Texas.
Don't worry about it.
There's a silver lining.
I think the South, like Alabama, might have something to say about that.
So Bruce is looking forward to Hollywood cast in this one.
Bruce.
This is what masterminds do.
Georgia has pecan too, right?
Clear it all up. It's real foggy around here. Nobody.
All the shit is gone, and it's just the house.
You may not have enjoyed the taste ever.
That is awesome.
He plays a cowboy in a lot of shit. I guess that makes sense.
Dating was ruined.
Get the fuck out.
That's a very sweet answer.
You're not allowed to bring your beers.
Yeah.
The New Chitlins.
Yeah.
That said. Yeah. Two bucks a ticket each person? I don't know. That's nuts.
Oh, Bonnie.
Put that old bag down.
Put her in the backyard and two bullets in the head.
Oh.
I know her.
Attractive woman. Yeah. About to be two time divorcee though. Like at 17, you're not scoring that broad.
There's a lot of hot chicks, man.
I feel like I got an in. Yeah.
She's been fucked by a man. She's not going to want you ever again.
No, you don't, stupid. Vic, you're so delusional. You don't even see that you've got a really great friend in front of you.
Trying to save you from embarrassment, man.
That is hilarious. Get whatever's closest. So this goes on.
Such a good friend.
You're going to walk in at that time of night and expect a haircut.
Your mom calls and asks for fixes of your hair appointments.
Move this shit. Move the product.
Oh, boy.
That's a terrible way to find anybody.
Oh, God, Jesus.
Oh.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
He has a woman in his life that disappeared, and we don't know where she is.
Could that be Florida and Ohio?
You're close. Yeah. Louisiana?
Where did he live here?
James, it could be right down the fucking street.
I bet you get a lot of that.
That's got to be a mind fuck every day. If you're a brutal, you're married.
And the mother of her.
That's big.
Shit. Yikes.
Oh?
A girl was?
OK, because we can try him for as an adult still. Right.
She may have been murdered in a barbershop's floor. What?
The amount of hairs. It may not have been a pube.
I'm sure she did.
Somebody that is just popping pubes.
We got no evidence that she's ever had sex with him willingly.
That's Marianne. There's nobody impersonating Marianne around here.
It's her business, right?
I installed a water heater in my wife's business.
It's things I do.
That's crazy.
He's got a point. You don't want to convict the wrong person.
But I think we're okay.
No.
Nobody has to pee.
Oh.
Didn't even get to the suit.
You're a single mom, lady.
Is that right?
Okay.
Is that right?
20 years, I guess, huh?
Okay.
He left a woman hanging from a hot water heater just a few years before.
Given the choice, I think I'd rather have something I can call the police on, depending on how poisonous that snake is.
Hey, man.
Well, they all got strung up.
They don't bother me.
Oh, he's a pain in the ass.
Crazy.
Recognizing recognizing her voice.
I know where all that I can catalog on dead women. Nope.
Yeah. I don't know. What does a restaurant of the city sound and look like?
This town sucks so bad. People leave and they leave. Nobody knows.
He really thinks that he's just going to do his time and get out. He's never getting out, right?
As a murderer, you can't get out.
Oh, okay. Festival.
No.
We're going to the 70s, maybe.
That's the wrong Renaissance Fair, man.
What's a tricorn hat? I guess it's the corn that has the three different colors in it.
How do you make that shit a hat?
She looks like fun.
She looks like Christina Applegate.
No?
Oh, he won. Goddamn.
He looks like he's probably. He needs a doctor.
Somebody needs to tell him some things.
He's got to crawl in somebody's attic tomorrow.
No, I don't trust my trusses.
And if they are, they'll hire somebody, right?
Okay.
They're getting along pretty well.
Yeah.
It's Thanksgiving food that he's having? Thanksgiving.
You've had it before. You're dead.
On what?
He just doesn't come over.
I think all of those are the same thing that she does. All of them doing all those things, you know, sleeping with people for money.
That's an awful large leap.
Yeah, get her out of here. She probably fucks dudes.
Paul.
You can't hit Mom. That's just a.
He's kind of a dick.
Nothing. I don't know. I was sleeping.
I'm going to go check on the baby.
She's from another country. Leave her alone. That's her culture. Yeah.
That's a deal breaker, isn't it?
Is Mike Tyson in the closet and going to beat me up to Phil Collins songs?
That'd be nice. Yeah.
Yeah.
Just dropped her at the door?
I got to go. This is gross.
You're fat and it stinks in here.
That's a fascinating human.
Sounds like him.
Yeah.
It is neither a phone booth nor an Irish cottage.
Why does that say Fonay?
We'll talk about it.
What is it?
Except for when he spit the food in people's faces.
Okay.
No list.
Yeah.
Oh, one of those TV dinner trays.
It is fascinating. Because I always have dreams about not being able to operate my phone. But anytime I've ever been in a car accident or needed police, I'm always panicked. I can't do it.
I can't ever figure it out.
Oh, boy.
With a table.
Wow.
Six pack of Visines.
Wow.
Yeah, that's hard.
Okay.
Yeah.
The ridges will take away. Yeah.
I would figure the grains would disguise the ripples in the finger, but...
Would consider absorbing the oil.
Just a beating.
What? Northwest?
Okay.
That's a long distance, yeah.
Wow. So he went to work for an hour and a half and was like, I got to murder.
Look, an hour and a half is long enough at work to find out whether or not you can hack it for the rest of the shift.
Take it out of my check.
Those are your taillights.
Oh, no.
He fucked a man after this?
Yeah, I need my fat pig's mother to be gone.
God damn.
Because she said, I'll call the cops.
Okay, okay.
That's it.
Really?
The mother-in-law, future mother-in-law, I don't know. Liz already suspected he fucks dudes.
Whether or not you provoked it, who cares?
Make a mosaic out of her head.
Yeah.
Afraid for his life.
And then I'll know.
And in a fashion that was threatening.
Very.
Okay.
She's going to cut my forehead off.
Only two times?
And he crushed this poor woman's head?
He suplexed me through light tubes and hit me with a barbed wire bat.
What's the punchline?
I've grown a lot in the last three years.
Yeah.
What?
Well, you don't understand the solo flex.
Look, I had a Nordic track.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, just leave.
I mean, he left work and went back.
Yeah.
There is so much vitriol for an unemployed man. They fucking hate this.
That's good. Yeah.
That was that was tough.
I mean, the man killed a woman, went back to work, was fired, and then ate a pot pie or some shit?
With each other?
Here we go.
Yeah, because you got to ask, what do you do for work, sir?
Well, if you're fired all the time, how come you have money? How do you how else?
Some balls to say, man, he left work for this. This is not a family.
That stings to hear.
I don't like this trial either.
Yeah.
Is that insurance? I imagine.
It's fascinating that that's the only thing they want to talk about.
These exist. Bye.
Yay! Choo-choo!
Around October-ish.
It's just bad music, but he's passing it as good, I guess.
I suppose it's close.
A lot of them go by Ginny. Some of them just go by Verge.
I like Vi or V. Both of those are good.
Verge is just weird.
Nice.
Wow.
Yeah, that's very rare.
I mean, those are some of the hardest ones to do.
It's my dream home too.
Yeah. Stay nearby.
Is she done with medical school at this time?
The ponytail is to pull it over the bald spot.
Because that's what pays this fucking bill.
To make sure the story was accurate.
Nobody had any forethought to try to have some generational cycle breaking.
Oh, boy.
You missed the FFA, James. You show up for that.
Church, school, and the bank. Three places you certainly shouldn't be bringing guns.
That's the thing they do.
65 Chevy out in the woods. Put my beers in it.
Right. FFA missing is what spurred the whole thing.
Full week of looking. Let's go.
Anybody's got a badge.
What's this legal document you're reading?
That's incredible.
That is premeditated. That is unbelievable.
He got me mad. I dug a hole, said, want to go hunting?
Good Lord.
I love a boy and talking underbite dogs with him, but I like you better.
She good cop, bad cop him without being a good cop.
She just bad cop the shit out of him.
So you're saying I didn't fail.
Goes nowhere. Yeah.
A boy went hunting with another boy where they both had guns. One boy didn't come back.
Okay, well, we'll look at the bank.
Two left with guns, one came back. Hmm, head scratcher.
Why'd she come back with $250?
Did you make the booze you drank, ma'am?
Butt chugging Listerine, man. Stop it.
Straight through the summer.
Yeah.
Well, we've got a police officer named Kenny on the fucking case.
Oh, my.
Don't touch that, you fucking idiot.
Yeah, but it's just a gun out there. I don't want to touch any gun that's just free range.
No, boys. Look.
Shit.
For kissing his daughter.
It's it's under oath, right?
Yeah, that's right.
But they're going to say she knows what happened, so therefore he didn't do it.
So they're all worried about.
Yeah.
Just getting citizenship of Canada for April 13th through 16th.
I mean, it's pretty obvious. Yeah.
So they they said the life or just go on home.
We didn't know.
The county supervisor owns the grocery store?
They're going to do it again.
I don't like that at all.
Yeah, that's what Gacy did.
Not a 45-year-old man.
I don't even want to drink beer with them.
His lawyer did not like the case they have against him.
No, I'd be mad at the plea.
I brought a rabbit to the courthouse for the- Dude, I got my rose in my purse.
Some real hot Romeo and Juliet shit.
Get on out on I-15. I'll bet you there's one out there somewhere.
Oh, my God. This is unbelievable.
I've got to get my affairs in order before I do my time.
Yeah, because if he's only got 10, if you get out seven for life.
And he only caves because he likes blowjobs.
I'm sure.
Boots and Dukes is something important, though.
We're upper. We're lower middle, upper, lower.
Oh, no.
I can't believe it. He almost got away. He may as well have gotten away with it.
It's pretty sweet.
I didn't do it. I don't care at all. Jesus.
That's like Boots and Daisy Dukes.
Bring a hot chick whose ass and tits are out and bring the kids.
Also, I think they mean the ladies.
Me and you will show up.
Yeah, I'm 44.
Sorry about it. I've aged into these.
Hosted by who?
With a Z. Hosted by Cleavey B. What is that?
Oh, DJ Eric Turner.
This really is a black party. I like it.
Here it doesn't. There's no way it exists here yet.
Those are 81 braces.
What does vocational mean?
It's an on the job experience while you're in fucking home.
Yeah, but short temper and alcohol combined with it is, man, in a town like this, there's probably 60% of these people are alcoholics.
Ooh, yeah.
He aimed at another campus.
You bet.
Oh, man, the amount of wine this guy has to drink.
Northern California delicious wine.
There's a lot of rich people that have plenty of money and everything's well invested and they're planned for the future. These are people that have been planned for the future. Six generations ago. That's what I mean.
As soon as I asked, why is it worth that?
I think I can.
He's the guy that sets the price. Yeah.
Yeah, he's gone to the Louvre for Christ's sake.
And your place is called a retreat. You're doing great.
Really?
Kids, they want kids so bad. And instead he does this kind of thing. Yet he was adopted. He's very well aware of the avenues they could take to absolutely have a child.
You know what I mean? Like we could certainly raise one of these little bastards to do good things.
There's also a subset of the population that believes that those children...
Yeah, based on studies or science or whatever because they've seen a couple scary movies. That's their science.
You have no idea. They believe, yeah, you do.
Thirty five days.
Yeah.
Month.
It's 500 feet deep and then just shooting you straight to the surface.
You bend over and look down at it. It's a better angle.
It's been a nice work of art.
Sometimes I got to touch them.
Oh, so, hmm.
OK, the hell does he drive?
I don't even want to see my bedroom light. I want this shit shut off.
I want an eye mask.
I mean, the couch at minimum. I want the bed.
And I want you to leave.
I want to lay diagonal in my own bed and tell everybody to get the fuck out.
Six weeks. I just heard about the longest vacation I've ever heard of, and it was still shorter than her business trip.
Very serious conversation.
And he kept his cell phone, clinged to a rock, and called for help.
Wow.
Coming down. Yeah.
Thank God for that.
Yeah.
Get my wife and my fanny pack.
I paid a lot, yeah.
This is not a good story for seatbelts.
That's my point.
No seatbelt, a little ankle twist. Keep your seatbelt dead as fuck.
Blasted through it.
Yeah. Then they just basically said, if you put a car seat in the front, your kid loses his head. It's on you. Not us.
You're an idiot for putting your kid up there. Yeah.
60 degrees, yeah.
Right.
So he slid on his ass?
Yeah, you turn away from the curb and then turn that thing off.
Fascinating wish.
Survivor's guilt, yeah.
Oh, they're going to go to LA now.
E-brake, throw it in neutral. There's a lot of things you can do.
Brace yourself. I'm throwing it in park.
Upside down, laying on its cap.
Oh, my.
And aiming uphill.
Don't anticipate what's coming.
Oh, he overheard.
Someone down the block saw you walk in the door. Oh, that's right.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's a new truck.
Oh, right, right.
Yeah, and if you're tossed out of the truck, the asphalt wouldn't touch you because you would be off the road before you get tossed out.
I'll tell you, this thing stinks.
Right. So they think he positioned that truck to be dead on with the guardrail and then jumped and landed on his feet and slid on his ass or some shit?
Oh, how about that? He's got two sets of two different master cylinders in this thing.
It does, yeah.
Right.
You're moving that fast no matter if you're in a truck or not. Right.
And that's how the hat came off.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, my God.
Right. Yeah, I'd pass out too.
I've flown home from Columbus and driving home from the airport, I'm like, I should have just got an Uber. I am going to fall asleep on this freeway.
I don't blame you at all.
Okay.
Is he trying to cheat on her tonight? Because if so, this is the wrong conversation to have to entice someone to come home with you.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
And his house is paid off.
It's a tough sell to people on a jury.
Right.
Yeah, but even if it's aggressive, it's pretty funny.
Oh, God, it could knock you over.
What is this best kept secret on the planet?
He's drowning her with the salt.
And grabbed a titty.
Yeah.
Oh, he's a real petty fucker.
I mean, if you burn them, they're better.
That's most people, too.
You mean Jackson Hole in Wyoming?
Well, if you can't have kids, you can still have kids. And he knows that.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, we don't know anything about you.
You're not getting the info out.
Oh, it didn't happen at all.
They want to see you fail, but they also would offend you like crazy.
Can't suck their cock harder.
Real easy. So he's great.
It's happened a million times.
Yeah, he left his stunt leathers at home.
Go praise Gacy's work.
It's possible, yeah.
Awesome.
Is that right? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He lost a house here.
John Force. How about that?
It's nice.
Yeah.
Hiking, skiing, fuck with the lake. That's it.
And I get to behave any way I want because of it.
They just always advertise it.
There's like out of 100 people, two people like it, and they aim for that guy.
It's a little more bitter than I'd want.
I can't even taste my fucking burger.
University of Nevada, Reno at Tahoe.
Oh, yeah. Jack...
Some guy named Jack D-U-P-P.
And whine to you about how boring this is.
That's a good couple of people to pick you up and bring you in.
This shit's worth.
How did he hit such lottery with rich parents and then well off?
It's just all coming up Bergner. Good for him.
Yeah, best choice you ever make to clean up his house.
That's how I grieve too.
That's how I would definitely grieve my ex-wife.
Can we add my ex to your health insurance?
It's very bizarre.
You know what I mean?
While she's getting hot oil massages in the other room.
That's a free. Oh, wow. That's 40 grand.
Yeah.
Yeah, if you're an old person, with a driveway, that's great.
Okay.
Don't even be in a relationship, man.
And he's behind on it.
And back then, it was probably $15,000. $300 a month, maybe?
Oh, God. If it's $600, his homeowner's insurance is outrageous.
Really?
I mean, he's gambling every day.
Dude, I got to pop by and grab my coffee.
See what the trade-in value of yours is.
He's crossing state lines to boat shop.
Fannie Mac is looking for him.
Not from the last time you've seen him?
No, it's staying there.
That's one way to keep yourself from buying a boat. Just drive a Civic.
Oh, that's a road?
No, that is two ruts in a field.
Right. If somebody on ATV is panicked about a car being weirdly on this quote unquote road, that is not a road.
No.
My car is kind of a truck and I still wouldn't take it out. No.
Yeah, it's happening.
Hey, you're rarely dressed like that changing attire.
Still there.
Okay.
So fast, yeah.
Very rare that happens.
Yeah, that was wild.
Wandered around the house and how about that too that – He was so precarious that he could have dropped it any second. Yeah. He needed that poor woman so bad.
Yeah.
Is that a known dangerous job?
I haven't seen my fucking insurance agent in five years.
I showed up to his office, dropped him a check, and he was like, oh, you could have just mailed this. I was like, all right, well, then that's what I'll do next.
He's leaving the place that makes him money.
Gross.
Great question.
It doesn't road trip at all with a car that's not reliable to go 10 minutes away.
She works the night shift? I hope so.
Yeah, there's a place called Independence close by.
They really do love it.
I mean, there's no better way to honor a man that has that video poker addiction than just running a few hands.
Oh, yeah. I've heard of that.
Okay.
There's just bodies everywhere, man.
Yeah. That's a loud sleepy time. If anybody snores, this is a nightmare.
Right.
That's probably not just one overdraft. That's several. And that's how it compounds and compiles.
At some point, you probably just give up and say, fuck it.
I don't know. You're only four months behind on your mortgage. Maybe start scraping. Sell some shit. Get it together.
30 grand?
We got to start some ATM business. They are so lucrative. They're crushing it.
Okay.
Oh, so she's too far from it.
Five hours?
Why did I do that?
Talk about 400 grand that she's going to get out of this.
Oh, my God.
That's life changing.
Yeah, that only cost 40 grand today.
Oh, yeah.
Right. Of this much money that literally doesn't need anywhere near this much money.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Very lucrative business.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I didn't think about that. I was thinking air can just come through the rubber.
Oh, yeah.
He had no more blood in him?
Wow.
Not great air. I mean, it's swampy. It's not a good place.
Very common pistol, too. Yeah, yeah. Fucking mass-produced. Jesus.
Uh-oh.
Very affordable.
Okay.
Watch my kid. I had surgery on my eyes. I can't watch anything.
Don't go to Minnesota, fuckers. You're going to be blown away.
Well, now it's got a bad battery, too.
She's using them.
The whole town of New Orleans feels like it probably has more to do.
Let's do that.
That's nothing.
Put some fucking underwear on.
Or maybe when, when he was hit those two times and he fell down, maybe the other grabbed the gun and said, I'm a better shot. Yeah.
Put one in his head.
Right.
So we got cell towers and assumptions that they're lying.
It's so wet.
Let's disparage that great state.
Let's disparage Louisiana.
He's a monster.
That's a burner.
I guess you have to? I don't know.
Without?
Louisiana.
We don't even care.
What do they do about this?
It's a mausoleum, so that's in a drawer, right?
Okay.
Bye.
I didn't hear about either of those. Two of those.
Yay and choo-choo!
How do you call yourself Louisiana's playground when the actual one got obliterated 20 years ago? We still talk about it.
I haven't heard of yours yet.
It was a busy year. It was a busy year.
You can't have a hurricane named after a strain of disease and expect us to hear it.
I need a B-dubs anything.
It's like 1820s port.
Oh, so they've got words attached to that. Okay.
Oh. Squinty and prickly. I think those are backwards.
Is it prickly cruel or cruel prickly?
Oh.
That's the most bitch ass nickname I've ever heard.
They ruined it.
You hold the bag, I'll stomp it in. Let's go.
He has a Cabela's punch card.
This guy has, like... You got a Bass Pro he owns? Shit.
If your last name is Little, you can't hyphenate it.
Damn near rhymes for Christ's sake.
Really? Don't get in his way. Destroys your Hot Wheels.
We make a lot of mistakes.
Yeah.
What the shit?
Keep who on her medical insurance?
Who gives a fuck about his health?
Okay.
Uh-oh.
I don't think it really exists.
Yeah?
They accelerated fast.
God damn it.
Not just for the inhalement, but inhaling it.
Through the skin, it's crazy.
Ew, what the fuck, man?
His uncle was not impressed.
At least there's one sane person in Florida.
We love when it goes bad.
I don't know. That's confusing.
Okay, that's good. He's a calm kid.
And hot air balloons. How do you expect that to go right?
Yeah.
And is that the second rape or is that the one that we may have tried for?
God damn it.
This is for fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah. Makes you feel like she was the reason he came there.
Uh-huh.
What is that?
That's wild.
Okay.
What is that about?
The Westport.
Very indecisive man.
Yeah.
It's the best one in town.
Oh, all right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
My God.
Almost 1.5.
I doubt a kidnapper is going to show up to the funeral to kidnap or kill the little girl.
It's a lot of witnesses.
Really?
Oh.
What the fuck?
He just jumped in the back of a truck and hid.
Sir, your head, your head, bro. So easy to draw. She got.
Why would he keep that?
Oh, wow.
Must have.
That's our defense.
Okay.
I've never seen anybody that looks like him, and I've only heard his description.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Right.
What a fucking wild thing to say.
She doesn't know.
They don't have any rights.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, that guy did some shit.
She had no idea what was going on. Yeah, she didn't know. She's just real dumb.
Is that Star Spangled Banner guy?
How about not trust in your health?
Here we go.
Is he not a composer?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's done very well.
No, he's just going to try again.
Okay.
You have plenty with everything else. You've got an eyewitness, for Christ's sake.
Okay, so you've got to get parole.
Francis Scott Key.
Damn it.
50 years later.
I'm on board.
That's a rapist forever.
Yeah. It's very similar to the Cheshire murders. A little bit. But this guy had a plan to get away. Yeah. He super planned it out. Those two were just willy-nilly sick fucks. This guy was going to try to get away.
All right.
Veterans Day fucked him.
Just being handsome. Hell yeah.
We can buy them being smart.
Oh.
It's run- They talk shit about you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a small town of rich people that don't want anybody that's not rich there because you bring down the property value, you poor fuck.
Why? How do you have a rich community and just have one shit band? You probably priced out the riffraff.
1962.
Oh.
Really? Yeah.
What the fucking shit?
Yeah, it's probably four stories. There's three above ground.
Look at that great room. It's got three Arcadia doors.
I can't believe there's only that many bedrooms. There should be 11.
They're happy. They smile a lot.
Pierre is a very successful man. He does not take days off.
I'm a veteran of the textile industry. I have to work.
Oh.
No. He's just bending the rules so that he can make his cash.
Oh, God. Their log can't be perfect, right?
You drove a few minutes over. You're fucking 15 or whatever it is they tell you to drive.
In his 60s.
Yeah, but 60 and still managing that shit? That sounds terrible.
60 doing my own shit is going to be hard enough. And doing somebody else's too? That's a lot.
Right.
Their relationship has the town divided.
He doesn't have to take care of his mom.
Yeah.
Generally even, yeah.
Look at him.
One shot, several shots.
Yeah, because she can't take care of herself.
God damn it.
But that realtor better tell them. The guy that's selling this.
Is that right?
The estate that you're buying this from is an estate because the guy's dead.
Oh, that should be great.
Combined.
This guy's laying down thick industrial beads of weld. That's crazy. Impressive shit. Eight hours a day or more.
Pals, yeah.
Yay! Choo-choo!
That is not allowed.
How many degrees are there?
That's way down the line. That's like, what is that?
Did he eye fuck somebody?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's a rule there.
Shit faced.
Is that bigger than an influence?
A lot of traffic infractions.
Fucking rules.
Oh, God damn it.
I mean, you can solve this with a surveyor.
Is it?
Donald doesn't give a fuck now. He thinks he's right because he went to court about it, and they justified him.
Yeah, do me a solid.
I don't give a fuck. Just that one.
They're pretty close to sold out. That's what I mean.
There's literally like two. Hurry.
I was going to say, wouldn't a BB gun have solved this?
Who the fuck would support Donald on this?
Oh, my God.
Oregon must be full of people like him because we have a friend in Oregon, you and I, who dealt with this exact same thing minus the stalking and such. Absolutely. They were aiming lights right at his fucking house.
I would lose my shit.
That's several a month, man.
That's so many.
When you're calling the cops and saying, hey, it's me again.
They know you. Yeah. You can't. You can't.
Can't believe it.
What happened?
Okay.
Okay, yeah.
That's instigating.
The only reason to do that is to piss off your neighbors.
That's the worst yard utensil on the planet.
Pissing match. Yeah.
Second worst sound on the planet.
Oh, no.
Oh, Jesus God.
You should have known that.
Slingshot and Drano meatballs can't be acquired fast enough.
Yeah, there's got to be a conversation happening.
That's being abused, right?
They have that many down at the Humane Society, so you can do it.
If there's cat shit in my vegetable garden, your cats are coming in my vegetable garden.
Yeah, because that just got plugged back in, I guess.
Or trying to save his own sanity by blocking him out.
Oh, yeah.
And break up the ice on his roof so when he knocks or slams the door and all that.
He just ran the hose up there, right?
There you go.
Yeah.
Prove it. Yeah.
How many lumens?
Mm-hmm.
You ever had a sandbox in your backyard? It's just full of cat shit.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
There's shit beneath.
Yeah, pull the shit out before you go down the slide and land in a mountain of cat shit.
I got so many chihuahuas.
Possibly, yeah.
So, and he's got too many on his property at once. There's probably a law for dogs, but not for cats.
There's gotta be a law for cats too.
Yeah.
I wouldn't even know how to get their number. I mean, I guess you could probably Google it, but is there a branch in every state?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
A cold letter from a psychiatrist is weird.
Fifty minutes of him just, hey, motherfucking you. That's it.
Yeah, when you're going to harm others like that, I mean, if you're threatening, I think it's authorities. I don't think it's the person.
Yeah. Kirby with an E. Like a Nintendo guy.
Okay.
No, that's your job.
HIPAA? Is that why?
Yeah.
And he's got it on his own property.
Certainly pissing on it.
Aren't you technically a murder?
Why don't we make it because murder is like a charge, right?
Murder is a description.
What is it? No man's land out there? Some fucking barbed wire?
They had to have contributed to it both, right?
A bunch of shit that if you crawled across it, you'd get cut up.
It's your fence.
What he did is win.
Yeah, he lost the fight. He made his matches when he did.
Don't fight union members.
I think he's a year younger than him.
Yeah, I think he's a year younger than him, so that makes it – I think he's three years younger than him.
They both went to Vietnam. They're the same age. They fucking ate in the same cafeteria.
This is a fair fight. We's legal.
Yeah.
Right.
The common denominator is one asshole.
Eight hours across Oregon?
Oh, my God.
Kool-Aid man the fence.
Oh, my God.
Two neighbors.
Oh, my God.
Wyatt's wife.
Yeah, you can't do anything about that.
Yeah, you can't.
Okay.
Oh, he's going to drag him over there.
Is that right?
Yeah. There's no that's open and closed.
Right.
It's not good.
Wow.
I think you ever meet a woman and date her after three husbands are dead. And then you move in to a house and the guy next door shot the guy that used to live in.
Fuck out of that relationship. She's just bad.
What?
Right.
What is that?
Is he still here?
All right.
Right.
So, you know, sometimes you got to kill a guy.
You can't shoot a man in the back.
Any story is feasible.
Yeah.
You solved the problem.
Right.
Sure.
Awesome.
Taking zero responsibility.
Good night.
Get along with each other. Ignore it.
Who's Mr. Kirby?
Oh, okay.
Important to the area.
Of course they did.
Hell yeah.
I know a couple of guys like that.
They win the drawing.
And he's kind of a dick.
Both of those.
Creep-tastic kind of sounds like dangerous but fun.
They're having sword fights, but they're only using that roll inside the wrapping paper.
But they put like capes on and shit.
And there's gougers because people can't afford a car because they've pumped all their money into their veins.
That's great.
You might get a great Riverview as you stare at it and get a great story from a horrible human being.
I imagine there are chipmunks and chipmunks sing.
Do they make acorn butter or something?
It's just the takeaway size of a trough.
I didn't know that you could roast deep fry.
There's a saw blade and, yeah.
A lot of truck drivers are disabled by way of sitting on their fucking ass first.
It'll fuck your deep vein thrombosis and shit.
All kinds of horrible shit.
Lost his manners, yeah.
Let that door drop on somebody behind him?
2001.
Hmm.
What the hell?
Okay. Okay.
It always is, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
What's the evidence?
It's not even his kid.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really?
Same shit, yeah.
Oh, to make sure.
And then also Cypress Hill. Yeah, definitely. Be real.
Yeah.
Feels that way, yeah.
It doesn't seem like I'm mad at my ex-wife. There goes the mailman. I'll take it out on him. Yeah, you know what?
That stupid fucking hat.
Yeah, stupid shorts.
We're upset about that. Right.
That's a fast relationship to sour.
He's still got a soft spot, for Christ's sake. That's crazy.
One of the two. This is no good.
A.J.
This girl loves a federal employee.
Doesn't matter.
Wow.
She is his Wednesday. That's terrible.
Yeah, sure.
Right.
So it's a long lunch break.
Yeah. OK, so that's her two and a half hour fuck session and tuna sandwich.
Oh, no.
We didn't have to get your permission, by the way.
You're already clearly upset. Yeah.
Also, somebody that kind of sides with us and thinks that we should probably ask him some questions.
You know, one of those people. Rose seems good with it.
Yeah.
Don't do that.
Oops-a-daisy.
I'm not sure.
Maybe in the next house. I don't know.
You don't do that.
She goes, that little ghost emoji.
And he said, no, this is real bad.
In case I get out. Yeah.
Oh, Christ.
Except for his wandering around following the guy.
Vibrates.
I hate it.
No?
Not that one. That's way too close to butt, by the way.
Okay.
That's the weirdest. So we do. We sprinkle a little Mexican in this.
When you are the child whose novelty wore off.
It's made more fucked up when, like, your parents call each other to celebrate and giggle. Yeah, yeah, they're real nice. Yeah. Remember when we got married and made that stupid fuckhead kid?
I never even thought about that.
Your parents call each other to laugh that they used to be married.
See? We made a human being together, but they think it's hilarious.
But I think that's certainly detrimental to your fucking development.
It's your weekend to have a reminder that we used to be married.
Would you take James? We're trying to have a happy life.
I was just going to ask you the same thing.
Unreal.
So we've got two failed marriages now.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's just how you, you're just projecting how you feel.
That's how you feel, and we get it.
No, I can't imagine.
And even saying, I'm from Middlebury, it sounds so lovely.
It doesn't sound like there would be a kid with... All black clothing there and black lipstick.
Just toss it out the window at the exact same spot every day.
Of course she does.
I mean, or any, it's basically the center spot that every fucking city has, too.
There were just no bands playing, but it was where everybody congregated. You know what I mean?
There weren't many bands that were playing when I was a kid either.
Yeah.
No, no, that's what they called him.
I'm there with you.
Oh, Spencer.
Energy. Yeah.
All of it, damn it.
That sex is looking for attention, though. Oh, yeah. He is just screaming, look at me.
Jesus Christ.
Yikes.
Fifth grade doing acid?
That'll make cartoons fun.
That'll leave footprints in it, yeah.
This is terrible.
Fantastic.
When does he start mutilating puppies?
Oh, the animal bat.
What are you, a vampire?
Yeah, when your bedroom just smells like rubber, that's no good.
Yeah.
Hey, adults, keep your finger out of my ass.
It's a little disappointing, sure.
This is the danger in giving your kid an ultimatum.
Well, there's also the, I'm 17, so within at least 11 months, at maximum 11 months, you can't tell me shit anyway.
Oh, for sure.
Certainly an interesting choice.
Perhaps he killed the brain cells that need it.
He came home crying because they found out.
It's not what they think.
Yeah, dum-dums hang out with dum-dums.
You got to do that.
Oh, no.
And smoking in the house of somebody that doesn't smoke.
That's insane.
Yeah. Smoking in somebody's house.
Thank you. Thank you.
I don't know what to tell you. I've never been sitting around being like, you know, all the travel I've done in my life.
Thank you.
I can't wait to get back to Fort Wayne.
Thank you. Thank you.
Like, Snatch is supposed to be a movie of, like, it's showing a lot of terrible things, but it's a very funny movie. Well, yeah. There's a lot of people that die.
Have a good one, guys.
The audacity.
Oh boy.
Wow.
Cold blooded shit.
Even Gypsy Rose and her boyfriend got a hotel.
Not in her bed, though. She was in it still.
And he said, what the fuck?
Yeah, you got to wait until tomorrow.
Big spender.
We're flush.
He's been doing this all day with blood on his face.
God damn it.
Very impressed.
So they really came a long way.
Right.
And reckless and dumb. Jesus.
I'm a disturbed individual.
Read about it.
Really?
Yeah.
We've been traveling for three months, you guys. Did we go in a circle? I don't know. Let's just stay here.
So the judge says... They're pretty good at picking up on that shit.
Hypocrisy and lies.
18.
Threw it away.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
Can she get social security for that? She can't.
I mean, what do you do at that point?
She's old. You've got nothing? You can't do anything.
Oh.
The shit he said, man, it's crazy.
God, he's so dumb, but no.
Yep.
What?
You brought the gun, man.
Got three for free.
Oh, gee.
It would have been a return address, too.
I don't have a bank account.
They wanted 500 bucks for these things.
Probably his, and he said that, okay.
I'll return them.
Yeah, that's a great point. Like, if you're a robber, you rob a bank, and then two weeks later you go murder somebody. Is that robbery? Where's the window?
When does the window stop? That's a great point.
Yeah.
It was the same day.
If you ate, you were still full, man.
You don't understand. I want to go home.
I don't like what happened.
He couldn't take it.
Sucks.
Oh, my God.
What happened to him? Was he beaten to death or did he do it himself?
That's just common anyway. Either way, he's dead too.
I was influenced by two bad men. They're dead in prison.
Middle America. Yeah.
Really?
That girl may never have left Indiana, James. She may have never left ever.
That's a fascinating stretch.
30s, 40s, 50s, and then half of your 60s. That's wild.
Bye.
Yeah, right. Yeah.
Yeah, we've all been clamoring for that history.
Choo-choo!
We don't know about the other small towns. I don't know.
They couldn't do it.
I'll bet they're not eating by this gig money, that's for sure.
Hey, everybody. Or somebody that just covers the Big Bopper.
Yeah, and it's a bunch of names of... Big bopper style. Yeah.
Best of luck, motherfuckers.
Jesus Christ.
Sure, yeah.
I still remember T-Zones from T-Mobile, the most frustrating shit on the planet. It was like, why even act like this is the internet?
Wow.
Sure.
It's all girls?
Everything he sees has a tint of pink to it. Everywhere he looks, pink is burned into his fucking retinas.
Yeah, that guy knows the smoky eyelid.
I hate taking care of them.
You've got 48 hours.
And even then, the baby stays and mom gets the fuck out.
Well, it's dark.
Well, at least he's not a moil.
1988.
Unbelievable.
I mean, he's basically a town sitter.
That's no fun. You don't want the town sitter in your house.
He tells adults what to do.
He's always watching them when they're bad. Yeah.
Punishes them. Fuck.