JJ Curry

What else though? I like to give the crowd information about me so that we feel comfortable with each other. Like, I know you guys can't tell, but I'm actually in one eighth Caucasian. Thank you. I really am one eighth, though. Like, my grandfather's is mixed. That's half. You break a half down, that's a quarter. And if you break a quarter down, that's an eighth. That's me.

Now, I don't know how mathematically correct that is, But my cousin used to sell weed and that's how he taught me fractions. So I'm really like 3.5 grams of Caucasian. I'm $40 white.

It's coming from British people. That's wild. What's that? No, it's coming from a British man. That's wild.

I'm actually... It's military, so I get like a 90% disabled. So I get that monthly. Okay. Wow. So I've been only doing comedies in 2019. Wow.

No, no, no, no. It's a lung disease. I have a lung disease.

It's all good. I only do edibles now.

Basically, they gave me a bunch of shots and was like...

Oh, shit. Yeah, I don't want to talk. Like vaccines? Yeah. Yeah. There you go.

I basically went to the hospital on a Sunday and then I left like a week before my birthday in April.

Air Force.

Say again?

I mean, every once in a while, probably like Uber and stuff like that.

Not too crazy.

Obviously, it's very much an isolation thing. I can put the click in, you know what I'm saying? Put the click in? The click?

That is a lot of trust a woman is putting in you. Big lips, soft seats. You know what I'm saying? Big lips, soft what? Seats. Seats. Yeah. For the click.

I really fuck with Asians hard.

No, no, no.

I was in Florida for a while, and I was stationed in the military, so that was really easy to do. Uh-huh. It's Filipino, you know what I'm saying? Right.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm a big movie person. I like watching movies. I go to the gym, of course. Hell yeah. I like walks and stuff. I like to be outdoors. When you say walks, that's W-O-K-S to get Asian women?

What's up? Okay. You know when you... You know when you fuck a girl and then she gets upset that you told everybody you fucked her? Yes, bitch. I told everybody. I'm trying to show off. Trust me, you don't want to be the one I fuck. And then I tell nobody. I've had plenty of those. Ladies, if you like fuck a coworker and you don't hear about it a week later, that's a bad sign.

That means you're a secret. That means you look like a slob of shit. There's plenty of women who would love a rumor. Hey, Agatha. Hey, Agatha, I heard you fucked Ari. Maybe I did. Thank you so much.

It's true. I do love those two. I love when a chick has a belly piercing that doesn't look like it's pierced. It looks like it's stuck. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, my God.

You've been to Estonia so many times.

Yeah, you started touring a lot when you had... But I love it.

Oh, thanks. Thank you so much.

Thanks, man.

Comedy's so crazy. I was just like down the street trying that joke. Full silence and confusion.

Yeah. It happens. Then you just go, and then I just come here like, okay, I guess I don't got it.

Oh, we were, uh, was Martin Phillips on? Yeah.

So me and Martin, we were in, like, we were in Florida.

I don't think he's got anything. I think he's just so fucked up all the time. He parties a lot, dude. He fucking does. He dances? Dude, the bitches love it. They lose their mind. They grab him.

He dances like a T-Rex.

Also, banging parking. We pull up everywhere. We just put the sign, bling, bling, just on the... Straight into the store. You can do the walk, just... And also, because I'm on the road with him, when he's pre-boarding, I'm right behind him.

So we went to, like, a bar... And we're like boozing, everything's cool. And it's Florida, it's Fort Myers maybe. So everyone, ugly.

Like one of those Star Wars bars.

Okay, so you're in this bar. So we're, like, talking, you know, and we notice that there's no chicks around. At the end of the bar, there were these two fucking bull sharks, just fucking... Like, two women, you know, you don't even know what age they are. They're just done. Yeah. You know when you just drink and smoke so long you don't even have gender? You're just a carcass.

So they're like at the bar.

Yeah, we're like, we need seven to eight thousand more drinks. So they're at the end of the bar, and then, you know, and it's Florida, volume bar, you know, it's so fucking loud, so you're yelling. I'm like yelling to Martin. Okay, disgusting. Somebody just belched. And then, then I notice at the other end of the bar, an angel, like an Austin Four, like an absolute. Yeah, a Fort Myers.

An angel enters the bar. And then I turn to Martin, and at this point, you know when just, like, music stops playing and you're yelling over a bar? So I just go, like, as soon as music stops, mid-sentence, I go, I guess there's only one pretty girl here.

Oh, shit.

And this ugly trash bag of a human looks at me and Mark and goes, which one's the pretty one?

It's a lovely way with words. And of course I tried to say that. I go, I guess there's three, you know.

And then they get some beer. And then I get nervous because they keep talking. And then all of a sudden, just a pickup truck full of men get to the bar. All gorillas, you know. It's like a scene from a movie where they're coming to beat up the outsiders, you know. I mean, if you're gonna beat up Martin Phillips, this... I'm fucked, you know.

And then they come off, and I overhear the bull sharks tell these jocks of what went down. And you know what those guys did? Dude, I was so nervous. Those guys literally laugh, and they go, well, you ain't a prize.

Yeah, plus Martin needs something. By the way, he bangs. I've seen some girls backstage. It's pretty... Martin. Martin, yeah. Girls have, like, a fetish. They want to take care of you, you know? They're like, I can fix him, you know?