Joe Hegyes

We'll do that. Yes. And we're familiar with some cheese heads. So it's actually perfect.

You guys are acting like you're going to the goddamn prairie. The fact that we haven't been to Chicago is kind of crazy. Yes. And we're going in the dead of winter, which I heard it's beautiful that time of year. So I'm really excited.

Yeah.

That's kind of a little drunk. Right up your alley. It does. Right up your alley.

Okay. Sure.

No, I am in a two year long relationship. I knew this. I'm sorry. It's so okay. It's so okay.

Yeah, please.

I'm a very, I'm a very, very strict parent when it comes to that. Because I think that Andrew has really crazy judgment. And we... No, but we can't disagree here. We can't disagree. You're right. Do you like the toxic boys or what?

You like them to have husbands, don't you? The most evil, evil, evil person on the planet is usually who it is.

Something he does is he'll be like, it's amazing. Like, he does not let me speak, but I love it. Like, I love it.

No, it's okay. But the thing is, we love New Jersey. We love New Jersey. We're obsessed. Yeah. J-Lo. No, I'm so sorry. Oh my God. That's the one. See, what he did was worse. No, because, okay, but here I can explain why. Because I was thinking of Antonella Barber from American Idol. She has a song called Jersey Girl.

And in that song, she goes not to be confused with the movie starring J-Lo because J-Lo did star in Jersey Girl. Right. Quick recovery there for me. That was really good.

But you're doing a good job right now.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

The younger ones, both of us, and all of our older siblings are like very... like own a house, have kids, normal life. And we were like, we're podcasters. So we look like the crazy ones.

That's it. An iPhone can do anything. It really can. It really can.

That camera.

Because everyone's constantly.

I was thinking about that at one point because it really, I used it. over the summer for a job. And I was like, this is the best camera I've ever seen. Okay. So we're getting the Google, but the iPhone footage is fine. Like it's totally, it's very HD. It looks good. We like our, we're at the place where we're like, as long as the video is recorded and the audio sounds okay, we're happy.

Higher ed.

We can do that.

You said that your house was just redone. Yeah. May is when the episode came out. So it was April.

And that's what it was, I think.

I understand what you're saying. I think it's, I grew up with the pool and I, we never really used it. Like it was, it was like the biggest point of contention in my family is my dad being like, no one goes in this pool. It is like draining money. We cannot have this anymore.

We do the latter, which I think is really hard. It really like we, because only because like, but you guys like have a really established audience and like, like a really established career. So people just want to hear you speak about anything for us. Like we still need to hook people with something.

And then we show up and we sit down and we're like, what the fuck are we going to talk about?

Yeah. But I still am like a YouTube, a casual YouTube scroller is not going to click on a thumbnail. That's like us talking about.

I did that for an unnamed celebrity for a year and a half. I was, I was them on social media, actually several, three at one point at the same time. Yeah. And it really, it was soul sucking. It was a soul sucking work the whole time. I mean, they were all like nice and everyone was fine. Like not, not like the actual like management, but the celebrities themselves are very, very nice.

But it was really, really, really weird work. Because sometimes I'm like writing a beautiful essay about like body empowerment. And then like, I'm like, okay, this goes off to you. And then I sit in the background and watch people like love what you're saying. And it's fully, I wrote this. It's like ghostwriting, but in like full TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook.

Even interviews, I feel like, right? Like they would go on interviews and you would tell them what to say. Sometimes, yeah. Which is crazy because my job was video editor.

We were just like the two dumbest fucks in the room who really, really, really convinced ourselves it would work. And we just were posting clips to TikTok. Like the TikTok is what did it. And it was- Yeah, exactly.

I could use more of it. I love the attention. I have to say, we're always begging for it. We're like really, we're really kind of desperate in some ways. In like a weird way. In a weird way. It gets desperate. We'll take off all of our clothes on Patreon if you pay us $7.

We've done it once or twice. We've done like full. We've used like a modesty cloth occasionally. But there was a time this summer that we did full. Because we went to a nude beach together. So we like crossed a boundary. We're like, okay, we can like be around each other naked. And we did a full episode completely naked. And I am the editor of it. And I...

remember Andrew was on the flight here actually. And I was trying to edit this and I was like, I cannot in good faith. We were never going to post our actual dicks. It was always going to be censored. But it was just the practice of doing it that I was like, we've crossed a line here. Are we pathetic? I was like, what are we doing? But no shame to anyone who's doing sex work.

But I was like, we are like, We're like, so it was like this fine line between like actually committing and then just being like soft and naked on camera talking about our lives for an hour.

Put back on your pants.

That's why people should shoot in studios with crews. Yeah. Because we just get bored.

Well, that's why I'm glad we didn't release it. By the way, don't tell Katya that.

But that was exactly how we sat, too, the whole episode. Yeah.

Yeah, of course.

That would be a dream. That's a dream come true.

Do you think? Every time I see RuPaul. We always have a nervous breakdown. Yeah, yeah.

100%.

It's like my answer is so, it's so random for this podcast, but for me it's Lorde. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. New Zealand singer songwriter Lorde is someone who like I have such a scary parasocial relationship with. Like she posted her birthday party pictures yesterday and like my stomach dropped because I was like, she didn't invite me. And I was like, oh, I have no idea who this person is.

Like, this is a complete stranger. But I literally like felt that. So I would only be afraid of how I would behave because I don't want to be parasocial. I don't want to be weird. And I just want to like be normal. For sure. So it'd be tough. I think rude makes sense too though.

Otherwise you're a freak. I'm not going to know everything about you.

How was she in real life? This episode really should be sponsored by Google.

Yeah. I mean, I've done it like twice just for Halloween. Like my boyfriend's put me in full drag. This year I was Jessica Lange in American Horror Story Asylum during the name game.

When she has like the little 60s. Yeah. I really like felt my oats this year. I really enjoyed it. The year before I was Trisha Paytas and I like left immediately, went home and showered. I was like, I hate everything about this. This year I was like, oh, I could do like character drag. Like I would enjoy like this shit. I cannot, I couldn't like serve. I simply cannot serve. Sure.

But I don't know if I would actually commit to it in a full way. I mean, we basically do the cheapest, worst version of it.

I'll rub some eyeshadow on my lids occasionally for fun, but...

Thank you, it's because we're 16.

Kind of.

No, we use our real phones. And it's a point of contention once a week because Andrew does not have storage. And it's really bad.

She saved the country. Yeah. I mean, in many ways, they're actually are very similar people.

Well, it's just because every week I say, let's make sure we have enough storage on our phone. And sometimes we're 10 minutes in and the storage is full. And sometimes I can't handle it.

It's so sad. The fact that we've got beer. Yeah. And that's proof positive miracles happen. This is huge.

Well, listen, it's not my fault. We live with one other gay and it's honestly his fault because he vapes and I will never buy a vape. I don't think like this whole week we're not with him. I'm not going to vape once because I won't think about it. But if it's in front of me, I just need to borrow it. Interesting.

Yeah, like it's Catherine and it's Jessica. It's any name we think of. So it's like the whole day. They'll be like, we really need, we need to see Charlize today, like immediately.

Yeah. Okay.

Speaking of you on English teacher, talk about a star. That was fucking crazy.

It was just so organic. And she hasn't stopped singing yet. She hasn't stopped. Well, from Justin to Kelly was traumatic for her. Yeah.

They, you know, it was the fake vaping was like, was it a real vape or was it?

No one should do it. Like I stand by that, but I, And on top of it, my voice is already so fried. I'm like, it's only gonna get worse from here. Like I really, I'm a victim of vaping.

Justin Guarini. You can't forget that hair. I saw him in Wicked, believe it or not. Was he good? He was very, very good.

Edibles, sure. But sometimes you take that edible and you're gripping onto the tabletop because you're sinking into the floor. Depends on how much, yeah, you're taking.

I am. I mean, you come to LA and it's like actually shoved down your throats in a crazy way. Like every single street. You're like, I left New York.

I assistant directed Anything Goes. And that's theater girl. And Barnum. If anyone's familiar with Barnum.

It's literally The Greatest Showman. It's almost the exact same musical. It's about P.T. Burnham putting on a show. Do you like The Greatest Showman?

It's coming in time.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's true.

I love straight women. Straight women. I love straight women. Straight women. That's crazy. Straight man. I don't have no, I have no, like there's no evolutionary purpose for me to be like a friend of a straight man, unless I am family with them or it is one of my dearest friends, husbands or boyfriends.

No, but like the 75 foot Ariana Grande posters that are on every road is crazy.

Well... It depends on who we were straight to at the time.

Which was four years ago.

Wasn't it New Year's Eve going into 2020? Yeah.

We're going into 2025. Oh, five years.

Yeah, we were actually just talking about this earlier today because Andrew said that, made a joke. He was like, oh, by the way, on Thursday, I'm not going to be able to make it. And I was like, why are you going to be on Abbott Elementary? And he was like, that's exactly what I was about to say. It's not true.

I was like, you got Abbott? Yeah. And it's like, we like, so like, there's no surprises when it comes to us at this point. Like we can, we do know what each other's thinking. I think sometimes for the worst.

Yeah, we ruined each other's lives in that way.

It really, really makes you think. A single mom works too hard. You would for sure be straight.

Do you think you've said something in the past about Wicked?

Yeah, I get that point of view for you.

The straight guys in Brooklyn are gay already. So it's like hard to really even differentiate. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I think that. if I was in a situation where I was fucking straight men, I think that my time would be up. I think my time would be up. It's over. Yeah. It's a wrap. Unless you were, let's wrap it up.

Unless you were really reclaiming the pleasure and the power completely for yourself and you give them none of it. So maybe, yeah, you have to paint. Sometimes painting is the answer.

You don't see yourself living here. My opinion, like waivers, I like it when I'm here for longer periods. When I'm here for like a week or like a weekend, I... do not like it. But also I don't drive. I know that you don't drive, but like I feel very isolated. Like I like New York cause I can go anywhere and like run into people.

But here it's like, am I going to walk down the side of the street for 15 minutes to like get coffee and like just feel like I get very anxious here really quickly.

once you come here and you realize there's no winter it is very horny yeah it's horny when it's January and you're like outside in your t-shirt and you're like yeah that's a real thing I'm trying to be horny I'm in New York winter it's like they want you to kill yourself like that's the goal it's a no for me it is really really really scary like January in New York what are you gonna do

It's really, it's so scary. And you also stop seeing people in New York at this time of year. Like now suddenly your days end at 5 p.m. and you go to sleep. Like it's like over at this point.

In New York? The proximity. Because everything's so small. Yeah.

Yeah, it is crazy. It's a space issue. The space here is really nice. I do think that there, I think there is an energy of peace. It's just not my level of peace. Like I need to operate with certain anxiety at all times. And then I feel comfortable. And like New York gives me that. I'm like, I'm getting on the subway. I'm at risk constantly. I feel amazing.

Here I almost am like, what am I going to do all day?

Yeah, of course. And that's like my mom is dealing with all that now in her life because she's just been anxious forever.

And it's always worst case scenario at all times. Yeah. We've definitely gotten a lot better. Yeah. Well, we chose a career where we have to kind of face it head on and on camera. So it really does actually make it like, I think it's been every time we do something that feels like bigger monumental to us, like we leave that and we're like, okay, we can do that again.

It's a really good feeling in that way. So we're slowly getting there. You should have met us two years ago. We wouldn't have been here for several reasons, but we would have caught them sick. Even before our first live show, it was like... Oh, I had COVID for a week and a half. I didn't actually have COVID. He didn't have COVID.

Don't tell him that, please. It was really amazing. I think I'm having a heart attack.

You would never know.

You know what I mean? Well, that makes more sense honestly than like your work though. Do you get nervous at the gig?

Well, I always think about when you told the story about the Priscilla drag, when you almost went in full Priscilla drag to the Priscilla show with Priscilla next to you. Oh, Priscilla Presley. And that kills me.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That was like, I remember that very vividly before our first live show being backstage with you and just being like, we have to just commit now because we're here, but I do not think this is going to go well.

It's hard to like convince yourself that that's true though. I get it. Like, cause you are like, this is the easy, especially with like Katya, like with us, it's like we talk, we do this for fun no matter what. So the idea of people paying to see it, I'm like, okay, we're scamming you, but people enjoy it.

I think only after that first live show, we were fine. Because it's so easy to be like, even if I feel off tonight, you're going to take it away. We can just balance it out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You were crying? Oh, yes. That was me to ET last night on the plane, I will say. For some reason, ET brought me to tears. And it wasn't the- Entertainment Tonight? Yeah. I was just like this. We used to make movies. It was like one of those moments. I was like, those kids are flying. Like that really must have been crazy to watch when it first came out. And then I was like sobbing on the plane.

And then we landed and I couldn't finish the movie. But I was crying.

I wouldn't be shocked if that happens in it. I wouldn't be shocked. It's very possible. We just like didn't love it. Yeah.

Yes. I hope so. I would if I were Marty.

Yeah. He got Doc Brown for sure.

That is really nice to say. Obviously, same to you. And you're so funny.

We appreciate it. You just want us to cry so badly now. You want us to start playing E.T. on your phone.

That's the Australian way.

I think it's hard to avoid you guys. We needed to hear that. Yeah. Thank you so much. It's hard to avoid you guys. This is going to be really affirmative for us. Thank you. We try our best.

Yeah. My dad worked in the IT and was very, very, very serious about archiving every single, single thing I ever took a picture of or a video of. And I got a camera at a very young age. And every single, like to the point where it's scary, like every single thing I've ever experienced is on camera.

I think it really was Farmville Moms. We were doing drag at a very young age.

Yes, it was the Facebook. We transitioned from Farmville Moms to Facebook Moms. And it was a Facebook video back when Facebook video was a thing. I mean, also actually before that, it was like early Facebook. But I was Debra, you were Linda. And we were just two Italian moms queening out, just like having a fight every single week. And we took it very seriously.

And our audience was 45 year old women. We had an audience. We were like, oh my God, me. They were immediately standing.

Love the pussy. That's so wild. It really goes to show you how repression really can take incredible force.

That was the craziest part. You were watching Fargo Moms with us. You bought us the wigs. You bought us the wigs. I was like, I was using my mom's clip and hair extensions as a wig for like four years. And I was like, this is literally yours. Like, how do you possibly, how are you shocked? Mom, can I wear your cardigan?

It was so terrifying. It was so scary. We literally the whole time. I mean, same thing with you. We thought you weren't going to show up. Like we are like, obviously. All we think is like worst case scenario. But for Julia, it was like we ran into her at a party at like some like PR event. And that was like the beginning of it. And we went up to her, asked her to come on the podcast.

Well, you had a T-shirt. I mean, yeah, I didn't want to get into the full story, but basically I'll make it quick. 24 hours before this party, she posted to her TikTok and said, I want a shirt that says I have a right to be ugly. I was informed by somebody that she'd be at the same party as us the next night. I had the shirt made by my sister.

All you need is somebody with a cricket to get something done. And she made the shirt for me in 24 hours.

What is that? And that's because you don't live in the suburbs.

And then, but this is like full, like it cuts it out for you. You apply it with like an iron or a heat press. And you like can't wash it. Yes. Basically, or it'll peel right off. Yeah. So Julia's shirt has peeled off, I'm sure, since then.

Yeah. So the next day she was at the party. She was in like the craziest custom look. Like she was floating through the room. I was like four drinks in. I don't think I even told you what the plan was.

No, I said I have a plan, but I didn't say what the plan was. Because I needed to be like, if I told anyone, I'd be so much more nervous.

Yeah. Well, of course. That's why we're terrified of you. We'll never forget when we got the phone call from the Wisconsin Area Club. It was the scariest moment of our entire life. No, no, we really- We almost drove off the road. We still talk about it to this day. We're like, no, no, don't do it. Oh, because I just called.

I'm so insane. And we knew it was you, but we couldn't pick up.

So Madison, let's hear you scream.

No. Well, you've been to Chicago. You were a Chicago, right? No. Ohio, Ohio.

I think we do think we're going to do some sort of, are we still going to do that? The country for it, which I don't really know if it's actually Midwest, but we just think both.