John Delony

Here's the question that was left.

How can I be a better communicator with my wife when I am more of a thinker?

She is very direct and quick to reply, so I feel like I can't be as good at talking with her.

I feel like I'm kind of broken or maybe come off as not fully present.

This is my house.

Just, I talk a lot and real fast and fly and pew, pew, pew, pew.

And my wife is a way more emotionally stable and more thoughtful.

And she hears a problem and ruminates on it and thinks on it.

And then we'll come up with a more concrete answer.

So a great gift she gave me

or this is years ago, is when I start talking about a subject, she will ask, do you want me to listen or do you want my opinion on it?

And if you want my opinion on it, I'm going to need to think about it.

She would just stop the conversation.

And what I realized is, A, I was kind of looking for a sparring match a little bit.

I was kind of looking to get like a quick win.

I wasn't looking to engage or connect with my wife.

I was looking to just kind of get a little and then move on.

And so it stopped me.

And so if I want to be a better communicator, I need to seek to connect with the person, understand, acknowledge them, as Jefferson says.

So being a better communicator is telling the other person, here's a path to me.