John Popper
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
I feel like, okay, I'm a couple things.
I'm a carpenter and I'm a comedian.
So is Jesus.
But I did not gouge the elderly.
See, that's the joke I repeat.
If somebody came to me as a comedian and said, here's a five-minute joke I would like you to tell, and I read it as an accomplished comedian, and it was just a zero.
Just empty calorie, styrofoam, piece of fucking shit with an 80s bad sax solo in the middle of it.
I would look at it, and I would go...
I've written good jokes before, and I've done plenty of comedy before, and this, sir, is embarrassing.
Let me augment the story a little bit.
Then someone brings you a sack full of cash.
All right, I'm listening.
And then a bunch of cocaine.
Now I'm all ears.
Then there's some really, like, the dresses in the 80s with the...
hooker boobs just thrusting out.
And this is all happening to you at once.
Meanwhile, your wife is leaving you and the kid has some weird exotic disease.
I'm listening now.