John R. Miles

But oftentimes those beliefs become assumptions about what we think we should do.

And then we get in this loop

I just want to ask you about a belief as an example.

If someone has the limiting belief that they don't matter, what does that do to them in their daily life?

Yeah, so I'll give you a great example.

So a lot of people now know Oksana Masters because she's very much in the news because she's just won three gold medals at the Paralympic Games.

What people don't really understand is her backstory.

She grew up in post-Chernobyl Ukraine and had birth defects from the very beginning, so much so that she was never given to her mom.

right into an orphanage that treated her like she didn't matter.

And she grew up like that for the first four or five, six years of her life, believing that she didn't matter in the system that she was in.

And it was only after she was adopted by her American mom that she started to feel differently.

That said, when I've talked to her, she still has periods of time where that now fuels

some of her desire to feel like she matters by accomplishing things such as winning medals.

So since you just brought up relationships, I wanna go to your chapter three, because I think your chapter, which is about the secret to better relationships is probably one that the listeners are keen to understand.

And your subtitle for this chapter is you don't have relationship problems, you have a perception problem.

So how much of conflict in relationships do you think is misinterpretation rather than wrongdoing or something like that?

And as I was reading that chapter, what

Occurred to me before I got to the section where you lean into this is when I've done cognitive processing therapy in the past for PTSD, they use a concept you refer to in the book as cognitive flexibility.

And it's really the same thing.

It's you have these stuck points, which are beliefs that end up having huge consequences.