Jordan Myrick

like it's just you know which honestly isn't even just this industry now I feel more bad for people who are like realtors and then you see them having to be like hey guys happy Tuesday and I'm like oh lord these poor people I know they're working social media into like everything now even like um artists when they sing they're like you need to get on TikTok and promote your songs when I see them making TikTok sometimes I'm like oh

So you fell for the propaganda that they were pushing.

They're rating her TikToks and not the surgery.

That's what always happens. All right, call her out now.

I do that with movies. I've told people, I'm like, yeah, I think I've seen it or I've seen parts of it. When I say that, I mean like I generally understand

the plot i think sure i got it okay or i've watched it on tiktok like i've watched a couple scenes on tiktok sure and then i go yeah i've seen it i haven't okay i just i feel like i got the gist right which is like how i felt about um it's it's so funny because i'm like yeah no i have seen pride and prejudice like once on my show with with days i was like describing the plots of movies so she could guess them and so i was describing pride and prejudice as if i've seen it i haven't sure

I thought I had, and by that I mean I thought I understood it based off the TikToks I've seen. And so I said with the most conviction in the world that he gets pneumonia in the rain and dies. And then everyone in the comments was like, that's not what happens in Pride and Prejudice. I go, well, what movie am I talking about? I don't know, girl. They're like, I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm like...

But the whole time I was like, I thought I had seen it. I've never seen that movie. Yeah, but that's okay. You're fine. It's okay. I lie about stuff like that all the time. I'm like, when they say, have you seen Goodfellas? Yep.

You know what's funny? I have seen Labyrinth. I haven't. I've seen it on VHS. Okay. And I used to be really afraid of it when I was a kid. Really? David Bowie used to scare me. Sure. He used to scare me. But maybe it was just the beauty was too much for me to behold.

They're very, they're very creepy.

No, for real. Well, back to the pit really quickly.

she has the general gist i mean i'm yeah uh i love it i think it's so fun yeah i i i'm a fan of medical shows do you guys like medical shows yeah i love them and i think part of it is like me being a know-it-all as a virgo because i'd like to hear more things to internalize them as if i'm a doctor sure so i'll like i'll get all that info and then if someone brings something up that i've seen on the show i'm like well you know and i list the

you're like actually BP vitals, all of those things. But I was going to say in that show, you know how that when they're doing the emergency surgeries, whatever, they're like razzing each other. When I was watching it with my man the other day, I was like, I'll tell you what I don't want to hear. If my neck's been crushed is banter.

I don't want to hear you chiding against each other and my throat's open. I don't want to hear that shit.

The way that they're alive and they're like, take me to dinner first. Hey, bitch, there's a stoma on my throat. Hey, let's focus up. Maybe let's do a quiet moment.

So hard for them to get a job. Too much banter. Yeah. Too much banter on the clock. Truly. I saw, once I saw, you know, remember the show Whose Line Is It Anyways? Of course. Iconic show. If you're an improv genius, I would have loved for you to go on that show. That would have been crazy.

All the pieces were there, weren't they?

I think he is too.

Oh, yeah. Wow. I saw a Whose Line Is It Anyways episode where they were saying things you never want to hear your pilot say.

And one of them said, did you see the jugs on the girl in row D? Yeah. I laughed till I had tears going down my face because I was thinking, can you imagine hearing your pilot objectify someone? Get off the plane. I don't want you flying it. Yeah. I don't want you talking about titties and you're sitting in the cockpit.

Oh, my God. You're in charge of my life. Yeah.

A heart? An organ donor?

I think you're right. Sully. Imagine it was Sully. Yeah.

Something about it.

It's, you know, we were, I was flying from, I think it was Pennsylvania, Belafonte, Pennsylvania. Okay.

It's as terrible as it sounds.

And I flew, I was flying out of there to like somewhere else and then going back to LA. And when we left, we were on the tiniest little fucking plane. Cause it's like just a short, like one hour flight when it was going up and coming down, it was shaking. It felt like this. It didn't feel like turbulence. It felt like someone was grabbing it and going like this.

And I really, I'd never felt like, Oh, this plane might crash. But I was so fucking tired and so high off my ass that I was like, Well, if it goes down, it goes down.

The only thing that's stopping me is time. I just don't have time.

Right. I was like, I was 5'4". I'm like cut to the clips of me saying how tall I've been forever. But I was 5'4 when I was 10. So I've been a big girl for a minute.

they can hardly read this is their first book and it's working on me you know exactly i've read i've read a few recently where i found out after that she didn't have an editor at all the author and i said well i could tell because there were quite a few typos but it's like a printed book it's it's a published book it was on my kindle yeah so i was i had to read the sentence like four times and i was like interesting you're like wait does supple have three p's in it

yeah it's changing the pronunciation of it yeah okay so you said your you love improv that was like that's your your i guess bread and butter sure you love it come on jordan you do love it one of the most embarrassing things you can say but i i don't find that embarrassing at all that's so nice and i think it's because a lot of my friends are comics too so like caleb heron obviously like sabrina breyer they both told me that they they're very proud of improv

but Sabrina was telling me she goes yeah when me and Caleb like joke about it we both are like oh god that's so dorky huh because they were both in their improv groups in college and then became presidents of them and then obviously did it after and then they said then at some point they'll be quiet and they're like god I'm so proud of it though it's just like such a an accomplishment I love improv that's so nice I think improv is so fun that's yeah and I love and I both think you're both so hilarious so I love to know about stand-up like how's the journey with stand-up been

I've been a grown man for a minute. I love that. And I feel like when fans meet me in public too, they're always really shocked at how tall I am. Cause they're like, Oh, you meant tall, like tall, tall.

I'm like, yeah, I don't know what you y'all consider tall, but I do relate to what you said about feeling smaller because my family in general, like other than the women in my family, like my mom and sister are both short, all of the men in my family are really tall and I've always been larger. So my skew of height has always been like, Oh, like they're not very tall. They're tall. Like,

Sometimes it's a little offensive.

He was like, all right, enough. A little. He was funny. He was funny. He starts heckling you.

go out on a lifelong career of doing stand up on the road especially because I also had other interests like I went to school for acting and so did Kendall and so we also do acting but once again it's like nowadays you have to do literally everything you have to dip your toe in all of it thankfully both of you are very talented at all of it how's acting been I'm dipping my toe in acting right now I'm getting started so I'm always asking my fellow actor friends for tips on like self tapes and auditions and stuff

You guys, how has that been for y'all? Has it changed since COVID? I know a lot of my actor friends have said it's changed drastically since COVID.

It's truly so subjective in like so many ways. And that's, that does make me feel a little bit better about it. Cause I, I've a lot of my active friends who have said the same thing. Like they're like, it's really so subjective. And like Serena Breyer told me, cause she's written on shows a lot too.

And she was like, I've been in rooms with showrunners who like they'll watch the first two seconds and they'll be like, no, Because it just, that person doesn't look like what they thought. So it's like, it's so subjective. And then sometimes I watch movies that come out now and I'm like, I could do that.

I was saying this the other day. I was like, sometimes I think it's okay if we just, as a society, as a collective, we're like, I like this person because they're hot. I think that's okay. Yes. There are many actors who are that. Yes. I'll name one. No, I'm not even going to name one just in case they come. Just in case they come. Just in case because I am trying to get them on the show. Okay.

Hey, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Comment Section Show, starring me, your fave, everybody knows me, who cares about me. On to the guests today. We have a duo, a couple, and two hilarious bitches. Next to me, the one and only Jordan and Kendall. Woo! Woo!

But there are some people that I think are like...

they're they're good like yes can you memorize lines can you do somewhat emotion short um but 99 of it is looks right and it's like you're just nice to look at yeah i have a guess who this is so after all yeah what's wrong with that like there's nothing wrong with it but what i don't like is hearing like oh this is the the new actor of the generation i disagree right i think you think they're hot i think they're they're beautiful too it's okay

Yeah. You can't be like, no, I don't want to. Cause you're not Tony Collette. Cause then you won't work again. And then you'll get fired and they'll tell other people.

Well, yeah, absolutely. And then there's, and I think a good indicator of that too is the fact that it is art. So it is subjective. So like what's one person's trash is another person's treasure. And there are many Oscar films that I watched that I was like, I, I don't get what everyone's talking about. I don't get what everyone's talking about.

And I, and I think to myself, maybe I'm just the dumbest bitch alive. I don't know. Maybe I just don't understand art. No, but there are some movies I watched where I like, especially this last Oscars, I watched a lot of them and I never do. But when I did, I was like, I don't understand what everyone's talking about. Wicked? Yeah.

maybe a hundred percent because i'm like it's the oscar movies too sometimes i don't understand like i'm like i don't get what the fuck everyone's talking about and some of them i don't even make it all the way through because i get so fucking bored i quit and i was like but you know i don't see puss in boots in the being nominated for an oscar wasn't it though wasn't it nominated for best puss in boots the last wish the most recent one but it should have been

love that our favorite movie we watch it every night before bed and that is mental illness the heat is one of my other favorite movies ever and i'm so glad you guys have seen it because i bring that movie up to everybody and so many people haven't seen it no we tell people spy that to me is the greatest film of the century that i love the movie spy apple tv for like 34 bucks because i was like keep forever yeah even even my fiancee goes you're gonna buy it i go why would i rent it right

Bye. Because I'm not going to rent it again. Charge my account.

And that's romance. My sister's thinking, me and who? Me and who for real? My sister's like, me and who for real?

Kendall will perform it for you. Get on over. You sleep at the end like a cat. That's so funny. I fucking love that movie.

But why not an Oscar? That's what I'm saying.

You know what's funny is that's how I felt when we saw Hobbs and Shaw. Oh, you guys liked that movie?

I bet. Well, look at his wife.

I think they're like a little family. No, that movie we went with, it was me, my sister, my fiance and my brother.

and we were trying to see something else but it was like sold out and we were like oh let's go see Hobbs and Shaw it's like the spin-off uh from Fast and the Furious we're like okay we go bitch I was laughing my ass when they're on the plane and Kevin Hart's there I literally had tears going down rocks in that little like tan tracksuit I was laughing my ass off I tell everyone to watch that movie Idris Elba as the villain oh man

A stacked cast.

A lot of famous people in that movie. That's why sometimes I feel like people will recommend to me like, well, have you seen Conclave? I'm like, no, but have you seen Hobbs and Shaw? I feel like a 15 year old boy. I'm like, what about, have you guys seen Ricky Stinicki? No. Oh, get into it, bitch. It's on Prime, I think. What is? It has, who is it? John Cena. Okay, love. He's Ricky Stanicki.

And then there's like Chito Santino, Andrew Santino. Okay. The comic. He's in that. Who else is in that? Do you know? Zac Efron's in it.

I have the biggest crush on Zac Efron. And I think Zac Efron.

Yeah. It's new. It came out last year, but it's basically the premise of it is there's like three best friends, which is like Zac Efron and his two friends. Um, and they like when they're kids, they blame something that they did bad on this fake person named Ricky Sticky. And then as they get older, get married, all that stuff, they always blame this friend, Ricky.

And then they always have an excuse as to why he can't come to things, why the wives can never meet him. And then they basically fuck up, and one of them uses Ricky Stinicki without asking permission. And so they have to basically find someone to play Ricky Stinicki. And they find John Cena. Pfft.

girl they find him in like a fucking casino like he's like doing magic like david like he does characters and like he's so funny too so when i tell you that movie is so fucking everybody hates that movie but me and my family i can't wait to watch it and john cena is so funny in it i even told one of my friends to watch it and she watches she goes maybe i need to watch it with you guys i didn't laugh as much as i thought

I was like, you don't get the art. Some people don't get it. High art. Some people don't get it. I feel like you guys would vibe with it, though, since you like Spy and Robson Shaw. I think so, yeah.

I'm not doing it.

I'm not interested. I know. And it's like, it was funny because one time my sister and I were talking and she was like, do you want to go see Sonic 3 with us? Like, her and my brother. And I go,

i haven't seen the other sonics and she was like you don't need to see him dude she's like here's the plot of every sonic new sonic that's the plot of every sonic and she goes and then old sonics team up and recruit new sonic that's the whole plot yeah and i was like i gotta watch the other ones and then as the conversation moved on i go i haven't we should watch the new gladiator and then she goes well you haven't seen the first one i go i don't need to fucking see that yeah i was like with sonic i'm like i won't understand his lore yeah gladiator i'm like i got the gist man fighting whatever

I think you're right. What would you guys say is your favorite movie, then? I know yours is Spy. But what's yours?

I love that movie. I went through a real hyper fixation phase when I was a kid with that movie to the point where I like bought everything in Greece memorabilia. My parents got me the deluxe CD set. I remember I used to put it in my CD player. I used to put my headphones on.

and i would blast that and i would sing out loud at top volume and every god bless my dad my dad would drive me to school and i remember i was i was singing my heart out one morning and my dad would have to sit in traffic for hours taking me to school because we lived far away and then at one point he like he tapped me and then i took my headphones off he goes i can't do it today

Do you want to know something insane? Yeah. So my, my fiance is he's six, four, but he has a, him and his brother only share a mom. They have two different dads. So he, my man is really tall. His brother is six, three. His mom is not very tall. She's like five, seven, five, six, maybe. So I've always wondered, I've always like, it's crazy that Jared is so tall, like his his younger brother.

I love you so much. I can't do it today. And then I was like, what do you mean? Cause I'm like 11. And he was like, nah. And I can't sing for shit, but I'm singing like with my full chest, like loud belting. Yes. I can't do it today. I'm so sorry.

I know, mine too. My dad would listen to me every morning. I wouldn't talk at all. I'd just be sitting there in the front seat singing my ass off, like my life depended on it.

A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. So she's a couple movies spy. Yeah. Oh yeah. Any other honorable mentions of fave movies?

With The Rock and Emily Blunt. That was a good one. Even though they had him playing a Spanish man. What's that about?

I actually really liked that movie. There was some problematic stuff with that one.

That was one of those where I felt like, oh, you're just checking a box. They're like, we need brown, but famous. Sure.

okay the rock yeah i was like well i mean whatever he doesn't want i'll take we have similar builds just ask me that's why i tell them all the time i'm like it's funny because uh the live action moana when they did like an open call for it um i didn't go uh because they didn't invite me and i only knew because i actually know a lot of someone people who were going and doing the open call yeah

because there's not many of us and I follow most of them and I'm related to half of them. So I made a TikTok like jokingly going, was anyone going to call me or I'm open, I'm available. And then they ended up like reaching out to me because my video did really well.

And well, first off, Deadline posted an article quoting my video saying, Drew says, Drew F. Wallace says, I'll play Moana's dad if that's what it takes. Yeah.

why is that the quote you pull sure why did you put of all the things i said like it would be so funny then after all this for you to play moana's dad it just feels so embarrassing like you then it would be like hairspray i'd be john yeah absolutely i'm like moana's dad i don't even remember him from the movie a big character? Well, I mean, I'm not playing him regardless.

So I think I'm not too sure in the live action, but I did actually get like a reach out from them saying like, well, we already cast like all principal people, but we know we have some side characters if you wanna do reads for them.

chicken i'm like sure i sure i go and like they sent me three all of them men um and it was like like fisherman coconut farmer coconut farmer mad yeah and i was like right i hope i get fisherman yeah because fisherman has three lines and these other ones have two yeah and that's like i did them all didn't get one oh bummer but you know what's funny is like oh

I did the reads and I was like wow that's so cool like maybe like maybe they'll just pick me just so I can like be in the background whatever and then like a couple months later I was talking to someone I was like oh I actually got like a read for them from the live action WANA and my friend was like oh yeah they just started filming right like a couple weeks ago and I go I didn't know that, so.

I was like, he's lucky because I think he got the height because I know what his biological dad looks like and he's not tall either. So I'm like, that height must come from your mom's side. And so I was talking to my man about I was like, I'm so curious, like, was your grandpa tall? And because he was raised by his grandparents and his mom and my fiance goes, I don't know.

That's the worst.

And what are the results?

I fully miss this. From Little House on the Prairie? Come on. It just wasn't a thing in my house. Honestly, it's kind of shocking to me that it was a thing in my house. I don't know. That doesn't really sound like my family to watch Little House on the Prairie, but you know. Kendall makes me watch fan edits of Little House on the Prairie.

Outside of the horse riding part.

Why don't you start freeze drying something? Everyone laughs now until there's only a horse for transpo. That's the only mode of transportation. No, if the apocalypse happens, I'm dead. Me too. Later. I'm killing myself by my own hand. I'm going out.

My grandpa was always in a wheelchair. Yeah. Isn't that so crazy?

ask me first please i don't want you and she's like and our dog i'm like no you can't you have to just make your own decisions all three of us are going out yeah me too that's how i feel too i've told my man i'm like we're living out that episode of the last of us with the gay couple yeah with nick offerman yeah that's what we're doing i'm i'm i'm like caving us in like we're all in our own thing our own water supply party till we die

yeah once we're out we're out because live for what i know for why i've said that too i was like i don't want to live in the aftermath of that no way i'm good you guys kick it back up and i'll be reincarnated sure if there's no air conditioning girl i said once my phone dies i'm out yeah i don't need to be here anymore absolutely my phone and my kindle like once my kindle dies now i'm for real gone oh yeah and there's just things where it's like i think about it and i'm like oh i wouldn't be able to get a jersey mike sandwich

He was like, I honestly don't know. Cause he's always been in a wheelchair. Cause he is a vet and he was, he was an amputee. So he was in a wheelchair his entire life. Yeah. And like Billy's entire life. So when he told me, I was like, I'm so sorry. I felt rude for asking. Cause I like forgot. I knew he was in a wheelchair, but I forgot. I was like, was he tall?

I love Jersey Mike's.

I love Jersey Mike's. Delish. It's so good. I've been on a Jersey Mike's kick lately.

uh i get i think like i'm gonna be so real my man orders my sandwich so i don't remember the exact order all i know is it's like turkey lettuce banana peppers mustard what else do i have on there i think jalapenos salt pepper there's something very masculine about a person ordering your sandwich i think first i'm like fully gay but for some reason my instinct was to be like a man should be ordering your sandwich

Go buy yourself something pretty while I take care of this.

I love it. I'm eating it up. Okay. Sure. I love it. Oh, I wanted to mention this. We'll have to bleep this part, but I did get a read for the new season of. But it was for a small role to play a podcast host.

they told me to talk my shit in it like they didn't even give me lines they just said like freestyle a minute of you talking about something related to like misogyny the role is literally made like it feels like it was made for you yeah and in my slate i literally said like i just want to mention i am a podcast host of two if i don't get this that's embarrassing guess what didn't get it of course

And you know who did? They got pissed off at me.

That's who's going to play that part. You know who did? That's who's going to play that part. Mikey Madison. That's who got my part. I fucking bet. Yep. A hundred percent. I bet. I fucking bet.

I was laughing because I was like, oh no, for sure. For sure. Oh, man. Well, I do have some fun facts about y'all. What? Would you like to hear them? Sure. Okay. Mentally prepare. I'm just kidding. Okay. For Kendall, it says on here that you did your first stand-up set at 11 years old.

I can't remember all the pictures I've seen. He's sitting down. Yeah. Permanently. You know, that's weird. We have almost identical. Jordan measuring. Right. Sorry. Can I see a driver's license? Yeah. They can lie on that too. I'm lying on mine. I know. I know. Mine says I'm one 30. Yeah. Right. Mine says I'm 5'3", 130. Yeah, okay.

Well, love that. It says on Jordan, it says your appendix burst in 2018 during Halloween. What is this famous birthdays.com?

Yeah.

Oh my God.

You were also going through something so tumultuous right before that. So I'm not surprised you didn't like feel anything.

Just wanted to call and let you know.

I'm high on morphine and I got to go. Just want to make sure you're still alive. Oh, thank God. I was going to feel bad for breaking up with you.

Well, I can't make it. So I won't be there.

For Kendall, it says you had a dog named Tinkerbell who you named when she was five. Where are these facts from? This is terrifying.

Jennifer is a really funny name for a dog.

First, it was going to be Jennifer. But unfortunately, we landed on Tinkerbell.

yeah it's so funny i've had quite a few dogs in my lifetime but my man he's only had one dog like and i was like oh bitch i've had like what feels like 9 000 dogs my whole lifetime but that was just because like we would like almost fall into having dogs like we would find them yes or we would go through us but we're like we should get a dog and then we'd have one and then we'd get like three more it was very where did you grow up like i grew up in uh the inland empire here southern california

Yeah. Same. I think the only dog that we like went and got was like when my sister was like a sophomore in high school, junior.

uh she asked for an english bulldog like she really wanted an english bulldog my mom loves to do this thing where like whenever she would introduce a pet into the family she liked to play this game with us where she goes what are we gonna name it and my mom is like obsessed with d names because all my siblings and i have the same initials and so we'd be like taco right burrito like we'd be naming something cute and fun oh that's great great suggestions okay his name is duke so

I've actually already named him. I already printed the tag, but that was fun. I'm glad we did that. My mom would have these naming parties and then she'd be like, perfect, perfect. Her name's Darla. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Her name's Daphne. So every dog we've ever had, we have never named until I got my dogs now. I have two little Frenchies now. What are their names? Squid and Tuna.

welcome to the show oh my god this is such a treat yeah look at us all together it feels good we're just cheesing at each other so hard i could do this forever just smile at you i feel like we've known each other forever but this is our first time meeting in person which is very exciting

Oh, that's cute. Not D names.

That's right. I was like, I'm rebelling immediately.

It was like this fun little game we like to play. Do you guys have any ideas? Perfect. His name is Dracula.

So I'm glad we all did that together. That's a family tank. Yeah. Let's get the good, the bad ideas out of the way.

Uh, it says for you, Jordan, that you used to have a job writing sleep stories for the calm app.

No, the Calm app, that's honestly really cool that you wrote something for that app. That's so sick. I actually have that app.

And then when you get on, they're like,

Just in case I want to go back to Dog Pound. It is really wonderful.

When I go to the doctor now, I don't let them weigh me because you don't have to because it doesn't matter. But the last time I went, I was at the Women's Health Center. So I was telling her, and she's like, oh, I just want to do vitals, whatever. She did the blood pressure, all that stuff. And she's like, oh, you can step on the scale. I go, I'd rather not be weighed. And then she goes...

And it tells you obese when you get on that thing.

Obese. Obese. Why do you say it that way? Why is the voice two octaves lower? Why is it announced again?

I don't need to fucking. You don't need to announce it to me. Devastate.

I'm not even kidding.

Just like you. I put my pants on one leg at a time. It says also for Jordan that you were in a dodgeball league when you first moved to LA. And how was that?

We don't have to do this. 100% times when we played dodgeball, it was like by force. Cause we're in school and they made you do it.

Was it Captain America?

Yeah. You said eight. Eight pounds, seven ounces. And I was way heavier than that as a baby. As a baby, I was fucking heavier than that. But I'm so excited to have y'all on the show. I'm familiar with your lore, but I would love if you could tell everybody else on the show how you guys got started on your pod and also how you met. Obviously, you're a couple. Look at you.

And knocked you over like a bowling pin?

not fun at all something's really wrong with these kind of people two different ideas of fun a hundred percent but my my fiance loves he he has fun playing dodgeball which is strange but he i he's not allowed to play dodgeball anywhere near me or my family anymore because he has a problem and i've said there's something about launching projectiles that like really activates a prey drive in him i don't like his pupils dilate when he has the chance to throw something

Like sometimes he'll pick stuff up and he'll be like, I want to throw this so bad. And people have told me that's autism. I don't know. I don't know if it is.

And I have a lot of autistic things about me too. They diagnose me all the goddamn time. Every time I talk about anything, the few times I've talked about that, they're like, that's autism. I'm like, all right, well, it feels very primal to me.

That's what I think too, but it ranges very differently. Like it's not always at someone. He just wants to see how far he can throw it. I don't know why. He's just like, there's something in me wants to run and just throw this as hard as I can.

Oh, yeah. Actually, we did that in high school together. We did shot put and discus in high school together. Yes. And I joined because my mom said I had to join another sport in spring, and I didn't want to run. So I was like, obviously, I'm going to do shot put and discus because I just stand there and throw. And so I did it.

And because I did it that way, he joined, too, because he's like, oh, I want to let her, too, and I don't want to run. And so I've watched him throw the discus and stuff and shot, but yeah. Far. Yeah. Not, not bad. Jason is actually really good.

When we were in high school, Jason actually set a record in our high school and got recruited like her senior year, but she'd only been doing it for like two months.

I love that. I love that. That's a lesbian arms. No, she's dominating in that sport. And then she was like, no, I'm straight. Yeah. Now that she went to college right after that, joined the rugby team.

All the pieces were right in front of us.

They were right there. I think I commend you for joining that dodgeball team.

When I first started dating my man, he was in a rec softball league. And he really loved playing baseball. He loved baseball, but he was so big, he played football for most of his life. So he was like, I love playing softball, and I just play with my friends, and we have a good time. He's like, do you want to come watch me? And I was like, if I have to, sure. I'll come and watch you, sure.

But when he would go, whoever they'd play, every team they'd play would be just the drunkest, baldest old dudes in their 50s. And they're drinking, but they're taking the shit so serious. They treat it like the majors. The way that they're hitting the ball, they're like,

So I agree.

He plays softball because it's less dangerous because they use a bigger ball and everything.

When they use the little ones, they're more likely to get seriously injured if they're playing. And based off the way they were fucking playing, I get it. So like, yeah, I understand. But that doesn't mean softball is easier. It just means the ball and the rules are different a little bit. They like very slightly. Sure.

but that's how you know softballs for girls because it's like a smarter sport exactly they're like oh let's have fun but maybe let's not be as hurt exactly i asked the same thing i was like why is it softball and he was like oh it's because you can't overhand pitch you can only underhand pitch and it's like oh i didn't know that it's safety reasons i love that because no one's a professional because we're all here in the rec league doing it you know what i mean sure

But yeah, that's not rude at all. I asked the exact same thing.

Me and Dace joke about stuff like that all the time. Like we were saying cartwheels, girl. Gainer, boy.

what a gainer what's that exactly you don't know because you're again yeah boy not boy don't know and i think it's one of those like sideways back flips or some oh i don't fucking know it's something when they flip into a pool or something that's something like that's like that was yeah that's like a fraternity thing yeah yeah that's like that shit remember how old are you guys i'm 32 okay i'm i'm 25

Are you really 25? Damn, I did not know you were that young. Oh my gosh, I'm 29. But do you remember in college, around that time, there was that period of time where everybody was obsessed with those Red Bull videos where people would jump off cliffs and shit. Those guys doing those weird flips, those are gainers.

When they do that thing where they stay so straight and they fucking flip backwards.

So I'm like, that's for boys. Sure. When girls do, I don't even know, a standing back tuck, girl.

When boys do a jackknife into the pool, that's for a boy. Sure. You know what I mean?

In a good way, but a little bit.

Those are for girls. So I was like, front flip girl, back flip boy. Yeah. Stupid shit like that.

That was me with cheer. Yeah. You get too big. I was like, when I was first doing cheer, I was like a flyer. I was one of those ones. They're like up in the air. As soon as I got too big and I had to be a base, I said, Hey, fuck this sport. I'm out. I ain't holding another bitch. No way.

It's either me or nothing.

but they're also like their bones are smaller than mine right like there has to be some kind of anatomical study because they're so they're smaller than me in every single way yeah it's kind of like you know how older homes the doorways are smaller because people generally speaking were small not just not talking about fatness at all just like generally speaking were smaller yeah yeah

And I was like, now I'm like, what did I get? Massive bones on my list? What happened? I'm just like, I generally feel like just girth wise, I'm a lot thicker than most people. Yeah. And all the carpets I worked during award season, the entire time I was like, everybody, they're like eye level with like right underneath my tits. Why are they so small? I don't know.

They're like, Kendall will take it.

Literally. The last one I have about Kendall, it says, March 30th, 2014, you dressed up as the Jonas Brothers.

So first of all- Are you Joe?

You're looking and you're going, they might've been onto something.

I said that.

You're throwing off the aesthetics, the whole thing.

That's not true.

No, I'm like, I haven't studied his anatomy close enough, but I believe you. When I was a kid, I, um, I remember one time I wanted to be Neo from the matrix. Um, I've never, I'd never seen that movie. I just thought the look was sick and I wanted like my hair to all be slicked back like that. And I was like, probably like seven or eight. And I told my mom, like, I want to be Neo from the matrix.

And she was like, well, you've never seen that movie. And I was like, no, I know, but the outfit is awesome. Um, And she's like, well, there's a girl in the movie. Like her name is Trinity. Like you could be her. And I was like, I want to be Neo or Neo. So she dressed me like literally slicked all my hair back. She like put like dark stuff in my hair. So it was really dark.

And she gave me those little glasses and I had the trench coat and everything sweating my ass off. Cause it was so hot. And I kept that shit button to the top, that trench coat button to the top for the whole night. And I had like boots. I felt like the baddest bitch alive. And for some reason I always dressed as men. Yeah. I was cross-dressing a lot as a child. And I always had the most fun.

And I remember walking around that party and my mom was like, you know, not a lot of kids might not know who you are. Because I was so into it. I was like, people have to know who I am. And then when I was like, no, I was like, I'm sure they'll know. I'm sure. Not one fucking kid knew who I was. I think they all thought I was like secret service for the president. Sure.

and then but every adult at that party was like that's fucking awesome are you neo from the matrix and i was like you're damn right i'm neo i always wanted to be a boy did you like the adult attention oh yeah i love any any and all attention i'll take it no matter who it comes from sure even like i've joked before about how like we had to do a wax museum project when i was in fifth grade and you had to pick someone you admire and the person i picked was king george the third

I don't admire him at all. I found him fascinating because he's one of the worst kings in English monarch history. And it was so concerning to my teacher that she called my mom. She was like, hey, I think maybe she should pick someone else. And I was the only girl who cross-dressed, obviously. And then it was funny when I came, my mom was like, I mean, is it against the rules?

And she's like, no, she did everything for it. And then she's like, just let her do it. Who cares? Like my mom was always like, just let her do it. Who cares? My kid's a fucking freak. It's fine. And then my mom like did my whole outfit. I remember she gave me a tiki torch in the backyard, covered the whole thing in foil. So I had like a scepter. Yes. Oh, I felt like the baddest bitch alive.

I was dressed like a, like a colonial man. Like, and I had, she put like a little chain on a blanket and, and chained it to my back. And I was walking around. I was like, Oh my God, I'm so awesome. And I remember we all did go in the library and they were like, Oh, if anyone wants to do their little monologue, you had to recite, um, it's extra credit. If you do it in front of everyone.

Yeah.

And if you do it with an accent, like if you're a princess, whatever. And guess who was first in line?

Me. That was for, I literally, my hand never went up faster. I was like, And then I was like, Oh my God, this is my time to shine. And then I went, I memorized the whole thing, did it in a British accent, probably a terrible one.

And they gave me a mic too. And I remember walking, I was like high off the attention.

Yeah, when I was in grade school, one time I was like, we should do the talent show to my sister. And she was like, for what? And I was like, let's just do it. What, are you going to get discovered? She does not get it. And it was like end of the year talent show, so it's like spring. And for some reason, we were really into the movie 13 going on 30.

And you know, they're super into the thriller dance in that movie. So I was like, we should do the thriller dance. Now, did we watch the actual thriller music video? No. We watched 13 Going on 30 50,000 times and then tried to memorize what little pieces they show. And then that's the only part of the dance we did is the part they do in the movie. And we dressed as zombies. And again, it's May.

And so it's not Halloween themed. It's not Halloween anything. And my sister was so mad at me because she did not want to do it. And I was like, come on. It'll be so fun. Come on. It was me, her, and these two other girls. And we, like, put white paint on our face. Like, we're just all pink. Music's all low. I was like, if I ever find that footage, it's probably so bad.

But there's so many parts of the song that we didn't know dance moves to. So we were just standing there going.

but now the jokes on them. Now look at us.

Now we get attention for a living period. Well, thank you guys so much for coming on the show.

I feel like I was like, we really are kindred spirits. All of us.

And we have a Melissa McCarthy movie night.

Let's fucking do it.

We quote every line. Every time someone comes to my house and they say they haven't seen The Heat or Spy, I make them watch both with me. And then when they suggest, they're like, well, let's watch something.

We watch Spy.

It's funny, right before we came out here, me and Jason were laughing about a quote from The Heat, like when she's yelling at her family in her house. We were just repeating the same line back and forth and laughing as if we made it up or we're in the movie.

We're not.

that's the best part but the community around the movie is an integral part of the movie exactly it's priceless yeah thank you guys so much for coming on the show i love y'all this is great uh thank you all so much for joining us on this episode thank you to my amazing guests jordan and kendall where can everybody find you well you can find us at happy wife happy life anywhere you get your podcasts and we're also on youtube and then um separately we just our names are instagrams

And they Google it and it's Kevin Jonas.

And just give him some support. He needs it. But yeah, we have a podcast where we just give relationship advice. And it's so funny. And y'all should tune in. And it's on Spotify, yes?

Period. We love that. Thank you guys so much for joining us. I fucking love you.

You guys are amazing. Thank you all so much for joining us. Don't forget, new episodes of the comment section drop every Wednesday. You can stream the audio on all streaming platforms, but the video lives for free and exclusively on our favorite platform, Spotify. Thank you so much to Jordan and Kendall. Thank you so much to all of you. And I'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.

and it's been an absolute treat because we also just kind of get to yap at each other and that's fun and i love a good yap yeah i love that especially doing it as a couple i love that for y'all yeah it feels good do you enjoy doing it together yeah most of the time i would say there's been like two instances where we had to be like you know we're gonna take a pause on filming we're gonna have a talk that's why i asked because i do one with my sister so i get it yeah working together is different yes and it's this whole

And so we were filming multiple days in a row. And then it's like, you know, when you film multiple days in a row, you're like, I'm getting sick of talking and I'm getting sick of sitting in here together. And it was like, I remember we were hearing like a buzzing noise or something in the headphones and I was trying to talk through it.

And then they was like, I'm sorry, I can't, I can't, I can't do it. I can't do it. Cause we were both having a really bad day, like emotionally. And then I was like, it's all right, let's just untangle the headphones. Let's,

let's pause the filming and what we did we like pause reset everything and i was like how are we feeling should we keep going she's like yeah sorry i was like that was gonna make me cry yeah that's how much i was like no i get it and i told her i was i'm proud of us we didn't fight look at us look at us well and it's hard too because i don't know if y'all get this as much being sisters but as a couple it's like if i'm sitting with my knees like away from kendall fans are like that's abuse yes

And it's kind of like, like fawn over each other constantly. And that's not, those aren't real relationships.

I was like, you're telling me you guys, you've never beefed with your partner ever.

Or made fun of them in good jest. Like sometimes when we do that too, like me and my man, I'll like make fun of him or we'll make jokes about each other or whatever. And sometimes they'll say like, I don't know. I just feel like that's rude. Maybe she does that all the time. Girl, what the fuck?

It's all the same, honestly. Jason's like a carbon copy of me at this point. Sure. Now that her hair's gone back dark, she gets confused for me a lot.

there's not what's going on behind closed doors you don't even want to know we were i'll tell you who it is after but when we were at coachella day one we were driving on the little golf cart thing we were going to a stage and we saw a famous couple walking back there but they weren't on the carts they were walking because they were fucking fighting and then we were like we drove past them i heard them fighting and then we drove past them and i was like man been there i said you got to get your fight out before coachella i learned that the hard way because

Day before, you've got to fight with your spouse. You've got to beef, get it out.

Knock down, drag out. Big, big, big fight that lasts until you get to the house. Then it ends because then you're all ready to party. And it's funny because my man and I did fight the day before Coachella started. Good. But when we were, day one, when we were watching, I forget who we were watching. I think we were watching Missy Elliott or someone.

And we were standing there and I was like, and we were like, having a good time. And I looked and I was like, man, good thing we fought yesterday, huh? Yeah. He's like, yeah, got it out the way. I said up top.

That's what I was like. That's just like cohabiting. Like you'll, you're going to eventually butt heads on something and beef about something.

And I think a lot of people think I'm naturally smaller. Like, they think I'm short. Yeah. I don't know if people, do people, are people short when they meet you in person?

we fought about it for like an hour because what that's fucked up don't worry we love you i was like you're so you're just so attracted to my small dainty you wouldn't like me if i had big man shoulders that's fucked up that's so fucked up of you and i asked him a question once i was like what if i had feet the same size as you same thing fought about it too

If I had the same size foot as him, a 13, which in men's, which would be, I think of 15 and women's. But I was like, if I had those feet, you wouldn't love me. And he was like, he didn't even say no. He just hesitated. And I was like, that's fucked up.

That means I'm this close. So you guys are both in the comedy space. How long have y'all been doing stand-up for?