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Jordan Schlansky

👤 Person
2106 total appearances

Appearances Over Time

Podcast Appearances

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

The difference between 60 and 70 will be far more dramatic than the difference between 50.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

What I'm saying, there'll be times when you look back on this video, for example, and you say, God, I was an Adonis back then. Look at me now. I'm saying this is from this point forward, as good as it's going to get for you. Now, sure, you can make certain improvements to your lifestyle, nutritionally speaking.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

What I'm saying, there'll be times when you look back on this video, for example, and you say, God, I was an Adonis back then. Look at me now. I'm saying this is from this point forward, as good as it's going to get for you. Now, sure, you can make certain improvements to your lifestyle, nutritionally speaking.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

What I'm saying, there'll be times when you look back on this video, for example, and you say, God, I was an Adonis back then. Look at me now. I'm saying this is from this point forward, as good as it's going to get for you. Now, sure, you can make certain improvements to your lifestyle, nutritionally speaking.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

You know what I'm saying? This is the beauty of the human experience. There's a rise and a fall. this is the period where, uh, look, I didn't make these rules of nature, but they, they exist. Your body is useless to human evolution. At this point, you, you, we know that you have value to us, but, uh, mother nature doesn't know this. Your, your genetic programming doesn't know this.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

You know what I'm saying? This is the beauty of the human experience. There's a rise and a fall. this is the period where, uh, look, I didn't make these rules of nature, but they, they exist. Your body is useless to human evolution. At this point, you, you, we know that you have value to us, but, uh, mother nature doesn't know this. Your, your genetic programming doesn't know this.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

You know what I'm saying? This is the beauty of the human experience. There's a rise and a fall. this is the period where, uh, look, I didn't make these rules of nature, but they, they exist. Your body is useless to human evolution. At this point, you, you, we know that you have value to us, but, uh, mother nature doesn't know this. Your, your genetic programming doesn't know this.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

You are as, as you know, potentially everyone in this room, a couple of very good looking men in here. Uh, you are deteriorating. You are, um, you are in the decline, the decrescendo, um, the plummet. Yeah.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

You are as, as you know, potentially everyone in this room, a couple of very good looking men in here. Uh, you are deteriorating. You are, um, you are in the decline, the decrescendo, um, the plummet. Yeah.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

You are as, as you know, potentially everyone in this room, a couple of very good looking men in here. Uh, you are deteriorating. You are, um, you are in the decline, the decrescendo, um, the plummet. Yeah.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

Yeah, my pleasure. You see, I'm being prompted to be critical and then I will be criticized for being critical. What's worth mentioning is when people do decline, sometimes they decline in different ways. OK, we have different deficiencies. For whatever reason, your own particular deficiency was. somewhat unique among the people that I know. Sometimes I see people get bellies.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

Yeah, my pleasure. You see, I'm being prompted to be critical and then I will be criticized for being critical. What's worth mentioning is when people do decline, sometimes they decline in different ways. OK, we have different deficiencies. For whatever reason, your own particular deficiency was. somewhat unique among the people that I know. Sometimes I see people get bellies.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

Yeah, my pleasure. You see, I'm being prompted to be critical and then I will be criticized for being critical. What's worth mentioning is when people do decline, sometimes they decline in different ways. OK, we have different deficiencies. For whatever reason, your own particular deficiency was. somewhat unique among the people that I know. Sometimes I see people get bellies.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

I see people, you know, have lose muscle mass. You had a very specific deficiency. Your face and your body itself stretched horizontally. You widened your face, widened. I don't understand the mechanics of it.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

I see people, you know, have lose muscle mass. You had a very specific deficiency. Your face and your body itself stretched horizontally. You widened your face, widened. I don't understand the mechanics of it.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

I see people, you know, have lose muscle mass. You had a very specific deficiency. Your face and your body itself stretched horizontally. You widened your face, widened. I don't understand the mechanics of it.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

Okay, so now, in case there was like an injection of human growth hormone to widen the bone structure of your jaw, I don't understand the mechanics of it. Look at my face now.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

Okay, so now, in case there was like an injection of human growth hormone to widen the bone structure of your jaw, I don't understand the mechanics of it. Look at my face now.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

Okay, so now, in case there was like an injection of human growth hormone to widen the bone structure of your jaw, I don't understand the mechanics of it. Look at my face now.

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

That's the mini Moog. You see that growl? It's a growl.