Josh Gad

I do the dance audition. It's an unmitigated disaster. I look like a fucking beached whale learning to swim again. And then I somehow get a phone call that I'm supposed to go to the theater that night. I go to this callback. It's me and this other guy, Jordan, who's on Broadway doing Avenue Q. I have nothing on my resume. I have one episode of ER and I have.

I do the dance audition. It's an unmitigated disaster. I look like a fucking beached whale learning to swim again. And then I somehow get a phone call that I'm supposed to go to the theater that night. I go to this callback. It's me and this other guy, Jordan, who's on Broadway doing Avenue Q. I have nothing on my resume. I have one episode of ER and I have.

I do the dance audition. It's an unmitigated disaster. I look like a fucking beached whale learning to swim again. And then I somehow get a phone call that I'm supposed to go to the theater that night. I go to this callback. It's me and this other guy, Jordan, who's on Broadway doing Avenue Q. I have nothing on my resume. I have one episode of ER and I have.

We didn't even have a fucking basement.

We didn't even have a fucking basement.

We didn't even have a fucking basement.

So this guy goes first. He's out there for like 10 minutes. I come out. I see 30 people who are all sitting in the circle in the square theater. They're all directors, producers, investors. I crack a joke. I start my scene. I get a minute and a half in. And the director, James Epine, and I talk about this in the book, says, Josh, can I see you up here for a second?

So this guy goes first. He's out there for like 10 minutes. I come out. I see 30 people who are all sitting in the circle in the square theater. They're all directors, producers, investors. I crack a joke. I start my scene. I get a minute and a half in. And the director, James Epine, and I talk about this in the book, says, Josh, can I see you up here for a second?

So this guy goes first. He's out there for like 10 minutes. I come out. I see 30 people who are all sitting in the circle in the square theater. They're all directors, producers, investors. I crack a joke. I start my scene. I get a minute and a half in. And the director, James Epine, and I talk about this in the book, says, Josh, can I see you up here for a second?

All of your teachers sound like Phil Hoffman. Okay.

All of your teachers sound like Phil Hoffman. Okay.

All of your teachers sound like Phil Hoffman. Okay.

We've established this. I do one impression, it's Phil Hoffman. Everything else derives from that. Yeah, Josh, I don't want to talk to you. Come here. James calls me up, dismisses everybody, and he says, I don't think you take this seriously. And I said, excuse me? He goes... I don't think you take this seriously. And I said, well, what makes you think that?

We've established this. I do one impression, it's Phil Hoffman. Everything else derives from that. Yeah, Josh, I don't want to talk to you. Come here. James calls me up, dismisses everybody, and he says, I don't think you take this seriously. And I said, excuse me? He goes... I don't think you take this seriously. And I said, well, what makes you think that?

We've established this. I do one impression, it's Phil Hoffman. Everything else derives from that. Yeah, Josh, I don't want to talk to you. Come here. James calls me up, dismisses everybody, and he says, I don't think you take this seriously. And I said, excuse me? He goes... I don't think you take this seriously. And I said, well, what makes you think that?

And he goes, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. Everybody wants to do a Broadway show. And your first instinct is to come out and crack a joke. And I said, well, forgive me, but there are 30 people sitting in front of me who are about to decide my fate. And I figured I had two options. I could either break the ice or projectile vomit on you and your colleagues.

And he goes, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. Everybody wants to do a Broadway show. And your first instinct is to come out and crack a joke. And I said, well, forgive me, but there are 30 people sitting in front of me who are about to decide my fate. And I figured I had two options. I could either break the ice or projectile vomit on you and your colleagues.

And he goes, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. Everybody wants to do a Broadway show. And your first instinct is to come out and crack a joke. And I said, well, forgive me, but there are 30 people sitting in front of me who are about to decide my fate. And I figured I had two options. I could either break the ice or projectile vomit on you and your colleagues.

So forgive me for choosing the former. And I'm not even saying it jokingly. I'm like super fucking pissed. And then he starts to lecture me about the fact that I don't have the discipline in craft to take this job. Oh my God. And I look at him and I say, I'll do respect. You can tell me I'm not right for the role. You can tell me that I am not your favorite actor.

So forgive me for choosing the former. And I'm not even saying it jokingly. I'm like super fucking pissed. And then he starts to lecture me about the fact that I don't have the discipline in craft to take this job. Oh my God. And I look at him and I say, I'll do respect. You can tell me I'm not right for the role. You can tell me that I am not your favorite actor.