Joyelle Nicole Johnson
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
That's the problem with North Africans. That's what I'm talking about. Hell yeah. I'm in. 100% agree. Let's go.
That's the problem with North Africans. That's what I'm talking about. Hell yeah. I'm in. 100% agree. Let's go.
What happens to you in the summertime? Where are we putting the Italians? Listen. I don't need they food. I don't like tomatoes. So they're going on the white side. Black people spend over a trillion dollars a year. I would love for the government to force us to spend it on our own people. This is very good. I like this a lot. I brought you over to the side. And the black airplane? Oh, come on.
What happens to you in the summertime? Where are we putting the Italians? Listen. I don't need they food. I don't like tomatoes. So they're going on the white side. Black people spend over a trillion dollars a year. I would love for the government to force us to spend it on our own people. This is very good. I like this a lot. I brought you over to the side. And the black airplane? Oh, come on.
You are North African-American.
You are North African-American.
The soul plane, baby. I want to be on soul plane. Yes. It's going to be noisy on there, but that's what noise cancellation headphones are for.
The soul plane, baby. I want to be on soul plane. Yes. It's going to be noisy on there, but that's what noise cancellation headphones are for.
And they're going to have all the good movies? All the good movies. All the good music. Oh, man.
And they're going to have all the good movies? All the good movies. All the good music. Oh, man.
Wow.
Wow.
Oh, look at you.
Oh, look at you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You bitch.
You bitch.
That's so true.
That's so true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
So what's your take? Bring back segregation. 100% disagree. Dead act.
So what's your take? Bring back segregation. 100% disagree. Dead act.
OK, I like this. OK. You were saying that the black excellence. Absolutely.
OK, I like this. OK. You were saying that the black excellence. Absolutely.
Hell yeah.
That's the problem with North Africans. That's what I'm talking about. Hell yeah. I'm in. 100% agree. Let's go.
What happens to you in the summertime? Where are we putting the Italians? Listen. I don't need they food. I don't like tomatoes. So they're going on the white side. Black people spend over a trillion dollars a year. I would love for the government to force us to spend it on our own people. This is very good. I like this a lot. I brought you over to the side. And the black airplane? Oh, come on.
You are North African-American.
The soul plane, baby. I want to be on soul plane. Yes. It's going to be noisy on there, but that's what noise cancellation headphones are for.
And they're going to have all the good movies? All the good movies. All the good music. Oh, man.
Wow.
Oh, look at you.
Yeah.
You bitch.
That's so true.
Yeah.
Wow.
So what's your take? Bring back segregation. 100% disagree. Dead act.
OK, I like this. OK. You were saying that the black excellence. Absolutely.
A fake detective? Was she stripping? How would that make one think they've been poisoned?
A fake detective? Was she stripping? How would that make one think they've been poisoned?
Give her husband a thrill. Let him know why he's marrying her. I don't know the answer, Peter. You know the answer.
Give her husband a thrill. Let him know why he's marrying her. I don't know the answer, Peter. You know the answer.
All the money they spent. You almost gave me a heart attack. You should die.
All the money they spent. You almost gave me a heart attack. You should die.
It sounds like these land snorkelers don't have jobs.
It sounds like these land snorkelers don't have jobs.
Yeah, I'm at that age when somebody cancels plans, I'm like, yes.
Yeah, I'm at that age when somebody cancels plans, I'm like, yes.
I want them to test it with, like, all the different drugs. All the different gases. Yeah.
I want them to test it with, like, all the different drugs. All the different gases. Yeah.
Smoke a J, you're just licking the snow.
Smoke a J, you're just licking the snow.
What? It's true. Okay, new fear unlocked.
What? It's true. Okay, new fear unlocked.
Oh, Charles. Charles Rangel.
Oh, Charles. Charles Rangel.
My people would beg to disagree.
My people would beg to disagree.
And Joelle Nicole Johnson. Giving your parents the 60K you want when you are a stay-at-home son.
And Joelle Nicole Johnson. Giving your parents the 60K you want when you are a stay-at-home son.
Yeah. I don't need chat GPT. My mother will tell me, you know. My mother once told me I was gaining weight while I was eating pasta in Paris. Really? Yeah. I flew her there first class. Wait a minute. You flew. My mama.
Yeah. I don't need chat GPT. My mother will tell me, you know. My mother once told me I was gaining weight while I was eating pasta in Paris. Really? Yeah. I flew her there first class. Wait a minute. You flew. My mama.
And I was like, that's why you don't have any grandkids.
And I was like, that's why you don't have any grandkids.
Oh, yeah. I live by a mantra, Peter. Yes. We cannot double dip if we don't kiss on the lips.
Oh, yeah. I live by a mantra, Peter. Yes. We cannot double dip if we don't kiss on the lips.
Oh, right? Like penmanship?
Oh, right? Like penmanship?
You know, this is important though, because like life skills, I wish I had gotten a class on taxes. We never got the tax class. We never got the mortgage class. We never got that when I was in high school. It's like, I don't care about the periodic table.
You know, this is important though, because like life skills, I wish I had gotten a class on taxes. We never got the tax class. We never got the mortgage class. We never got that when I was in high school. It's like, I don't care about the periodic table.
Right. What about the 401K class?
Right. What about the 401K class?
Nothing says I love you like a bed covered in rose petals, diamond bracelets or potato chips. This week news broke worldwide about a husband named Johnny who tried to surprise his wife Rachel with a romantic gesture. He loves her and she loves chips.
Nothing says I love you like a bed covered in rose petals, diamond bracelets or potato chips. This week news broke worldwide about a husband named Johnny who tried to surprise his wife Rachel with a romantic gesture. He loves her and she loves chips.
So for her birthday, he took her to exotic Blackpool, Lancashire, and asked the hotel staff to cover the bed in 30 bags of assorted potato chips for his crisp, loving battle axe. He assumed they knew he meant to keep the chips in the bag.
So for her birthday, he took her to exotic Blackpool, Lancashire, and asked the hotel staff to cover the bed in 30 bags of assorted potato chips for his crisp, loving battle axe. He assumed they knew he meant to keep the chips in the bag.
However, a confused staffer who must have thought they had some type of fetish misunderstood the request and opened the bags of chips and poured them all over the bed. Upon entering the room, Rachel thought they were the victims of a cartoonish break-in. As she ate a few of the chips off the bed, he sheepishly explained his intention, and they got one of the best laughs of their relationship.
However, a confused staffer who must have thought they had some type of fetish misunderstood the request and opened the bags of chips and poured them all over the bed. Upon entering the room, Rachel thought they were the victims of a cartoonish break-in. As she ate a few of the chips off the bed, he sheepishly explained his intention, and they got one of the best laughs of their relationship.
And Johnny learned a valuable lesson when making a request to never assume clarity, because when you assume, you make an ass out of you, me, and the hotel staff.
And Johnny learned a valuable lesson when making a request to never assume clarity, because when you assume, you make an ass out of you, me, and the hotel staff.
Yeah. Well, it's interesting because I grew up in Atlanta, so Jonan, which is also, that's how, I guess that's the place they call it, the dozens.
Yeah. Well, it's interesting because I grew up in Atlanta, so Jonan, which is also, that's how, I guess that's the place they call it, the dozens.
So when we're going back and forth, that's what we call Jonan.
So when we're going back and forth, that's what we call Jonan.
I'm sure Kendrick Lamar will tell us.
I'm sure Kendrick Lamar will tell us.
You've never been in a Bass Pro shop?
You've never been in a Bass Pro shop?
Yes, I love a Bass Pro Shop. Exactly.
Yes, I love a Bass Pro Shop. Exactly.
Hey.
Hey.
You give me precious back, you give me precious.
You give me precious back, you give me precious.
Jack Powers of Las Vegas, Nevada. Okay. Yeah.
Jack Powers of Las Vegas, Nevada. Okay. Yeah.
If you can spill it, spread it, pump it, or pour it, it should go in a checked bag.
If you can spill it, spread it, pump it, or pour it, it should go in a checked bag.
Jeff got all three questions correct. Yeah. It's a record. It's a record.
Jeff got all three questions correct. Yeah. It's a record. It's a record.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows, filling in for Bill Curtis.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows, filling in for Bill Curtis.
We're playing this week with Tom Papa, Maz Jabrani, and Joelle Nicole Johnson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
We're playing this week with Tom Papa, Maz Jabrani, and Joelle Nicole Johnson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
To Pizza Hut's wine, I won't say no. It's from fruits of a vine stalk that they grow. Like basil notes chased, a crust-forward taste in wine that is made from... No.
To Pizza Hut's wine, I won't say no. It's from fruits of a vine stalk that they grow. Like basil notes chased, a crust-forward taste in wine that is made from... No.
I'm not a limerick. Never in Detroit has limericks ever been taught or read. And I'm willing to allow someone who's better. Like, if you have an Irish person in the room, they want to do it. I'm all for it. Okay, here we go. To Pizza Hut's wine, I won't say no. It's from fruits of a vine stalk that they grow like basil notes chased, a crust forward taste in wine that is made from... Pesto?
I'm not a limerick. Never in Detroit has limericks ever been taught or read. And I'm willing to allow someone who's better. Like, if you have an Irish person in the room, they want to do it. I'm all for it. Okay, here we go. To Pizza Hut's wine, I won't say no. It's from fruits of a vine stalk that they grow like basil notes chased, a crust forward taste in wine that is made from... Pesto?
I truly don't know.
I truly don't know.
All right, hold your heads. Here we go. Listen closely as the brother reads the lyrics. Once, an asteroid belt was our thing, and our skies had big rocks on the wing. They just kept flying around till they crashed to the ground. Just like Saturn, the Earth had a... Ring.
All right, hold your heads. Here we go. Listen closely as the brother reads the lyrics. Once, an asteroid belt was our thing, and our skies had big rocks on the wing. They just kept flying around till they crashed to the ground. Just like Saturn, the Earth had a... Ring.
Here is your last limerick. Airline comfort is crossing a line. When they sleep, I have no space to dine. They lean back, and I'm hoping my laptop won't open. I vote to ban seats that recline. Yes!
Here is your last limerick. Airline comfort is crossing a line. When they sleep, I have no space to dine. They lean back, and I'm hoping my laptop won't open. I vote to ban seats that recline. Yes!
Tim, how did Kristen do in our quiz? It's a good question. You know, I was focusing so much on... I'm going to give her 800 points.
Tim, how did Kristen do in our quiz? It's a good question. You know, I was focusing so much on... I'm going to give her 800 points.
I'm sure that's close.
I'm sure that's close.
Tom has three points. Maz has three points. Joelle has two. All right, very good.
Tom has three points. Maz has three points. Joelle has two. All right, very good.
Well, I'm happy to tell you Joyelle got six right, and she now has 12 points, and she is in the lead. There you go. I have 14 points. 14 points. Did I say 12? I meant 14.
Well, I'm happy to tell you Joyelle got six right, and she now has 12 points, and she is in the lead. There you go. I have 14 points. 14 points. Did I say 12? I meant 14.
Tim, how did Maz do on our quiz? I'm happy to tell you that Maz got seven right. He now has 14 points, but he has 17 points total, and he is now in the lead. There you are. There you go, 17.
Tim, how did Maz do on our quiz? I'm happy to tell you that Maz got seven right. He now has 14 points, but he has 17 points total, and he is now in the lead. There you are. There you go, 17.
This math is difficult. Tom got six right, 12 more. He had 15 total. But it doesn't beat Ma's because Ma's got 17 total. He's the winner.
This math is difficult. Tom got six right, 12 more. He had 15 total. But it doesn't beat Ma's because Ma's got 17 total. He's the winner.
And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
There's been a Dev Patel contest in San Francisco, a Jack Schlossberg meetup in Central Park, a Paul Mescal hangout in Dublin, a Harry Styles party in London.
There's been a Dev Patel contest in San Francisco, a Jack Schlossberg meetup in Central Park, a Paul Mescal hangout in Dublin, a Harry Styles party in London.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows, making the best of a weather delay at O'Hare by filling in for Bill Curtis. And here's her host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows, making the best of a weather delay at O'Hare by filling in for Bill Curtis. And here's her host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago.
Here, Daniel, is your last quote. California King not big enough for you? Meet the Alaska King.
Here, Daniel, is your last quote. California King not big enough for you? Meet the Alaska King.
I've got to say, after years of working next to some of the absolute greats, it's really exciting to try something different. Yeah.
I've got to say, after years of working next to some of the absolute greats, it's really exciting to try something different. Yeah.
Tim, how did Daniel do on our quiz? Wow, I'm keeping score and announcing. That's a lot of work.
Tim, how did Daniel do on our quiz? Wow, I'm keeping score and announcing. That's a lot of work.
But Daniel did really well. He got all three questions correct.
But Daniel did really well. He got all three questions correct.
From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows. We're playing this week with Joelle Nicole Johnson, Tom Papa, and Maz Jabrani. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Tim.
From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows. We're playing this week with Joelle Nicole Johnson, Tom Papa, and Maz Jabrani. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Tim.
It's cinema at its finest, said the boss about the boss. Many consider Bruce Springsteen to be a genius who can do no wrong. So why is his favorite movie, The Boss, a 2015 comedy flop starring Melissa McCarthy? It's the best movie ever made, he explained in his memoir. He calls it the Nebraska of movies.
It's cinema at its finest, said the boss about the boss. Many consider Bruce Springsteen to be a genius who can do no wrong. So why is his favorite movie, The Boss, a 2015 comedy flop starring Melissa McCarthy? It's the best movie ever made, he explained in his memoir. He calls it the Nebraska of movies.
Just a reminder, Nebraska is a sparse and moody Springsteen album critics often consider as his best work. Meanwhile, The Boss is a movie critics described as hotel TV. But public disinterest and critical disdain be damned, Springsteen demands a sequel. So this week he announced he is writing, directing, and producing The Boss 2, double The Boss.
Just a reminder, Nebraska is a sparse and moody Springsteen album critics often consider as his best work. Meanwhile, The Boss is a movie critics described as hotel TV. But public disinterest and critical disdain be damned, Springsteen demands a sequel. So this week he announced he is writing, directing, and producing The Boss 2, double The Boss.
I finally have something that will rise to the perfect standard I set with Born in the USA. It's The Boss 2, oh, oh, oh.
I finally have something that will rise to the perfect standard I set with Born in the USA. It's The Boss 2, oh, oh, oh.
I sure haven't. And I'm from New Jersey. Really?
I sure haven't. And I'm from New Jersey. Really?
Hey, Megan. Hi, Joelle. Hi.
Hey, Megan. Hi, Joelle. Hi.
They don't look at you like that, Paula. They do not.
They don't look at you like that, Paula. They do not.
The most one that people hate.
The most one that people hate.
AI grandmama?
AI grandmama?
I actually like that.
I actually like that.
AI terrifies me, but I actually like that. You really like that? Mm-hmm. You think you'd like an AI grandma? I don't know. My grandma was mean. I think she should be a little mean. Like, Daisy should be like, sit down somewhere. Yeah.
AI terrifies me, but I actually like that. You really like that? Mm-hmm. You think you'd like an AI grandma? I don't know. My grandma was mean. I think she should be a little mean. Like, Daisy should be like, sit down somewhere. Yeah.
Ooh, she had an evil cat, and this is why I hate cats, and the cat would, like, hide under the table and scratch us, all the kids, when we'd walk past, but he never messed with Grandma because he knew, and she knew he was scratching us, but she didn't care. Wow.
Ooh, she had an evil cat, and this is why I hate cats, and the cat would, like, hide under the table and scratch us, all the kids, when we'd walk past, but he never messed with Grandma because he knew, and she knew he was scratching us, but she didn't care. Wow.
Yeah. Wow. I didn't realize until right now that I should talk to my therapist about that. Yeah.
Yeah. Wow. I didn't realize until right now that I should talk to my therapist about that. Yeah.
No, I didn't do any of the excursions on the last wedding I went to. I don't like excursions.
No, I didn't do any of the excursions on the last wedding I went to. I don't like excursions.
I don't want to say his name. Sadly, you must. Trump.
I don't want to say his name. Sadly, you must. Trump.
Swap.
Swap.
Bird.
Bird.
and started dating an Italian dude afterwards. I don't know.
and started dating an Italian dude afterwards. I don't know.
Oh, come on, come on.
Oh, come on, come on.
Therapy! Yay!
Therapy! Yay!
Does that mean, like, Naked and Afraid is going to have HR?
Does that mean, like, Naked and Afraid is going to have HR?
I think I'm going to do this for my stepfather because he's impossible to get gifts for.
I think I'm going to do this for my stepfather because he's impossible to get gifts for.
Yeah. He's also a jerk. But he loves being a jerk. And one year I got him Omaha Steaks, like a package from Omaha Steaks. And he was like, don't ever do that again. You don't know how to pick meat. And I was like, I didn't pick the meat. Yeah. You didn't go to the stockyard and say, that cow looks tasty. What are you talking about? So now I just give him Budweiser.
Yeah. He's also a jerk. But he loves being a jerk. And one year I got him Omaha Steaks, like a package from Omaha Steaks. And he was like, don't ever do that again. You don't know how to pick meat. And I was like, I didn't pick the meat. Yeah. You didn't go to the stockyard and say, that cow looks tasty. What are you talking about? So now I just give him Budweiser.
Omaha Steaks. Omaha Steaks.
Omaha Steaks. Omaha Steaks.
Among the items were locks of hair from each of his concubines, holiday ornaments for the Chinese New Year, and a letter on papyrus from the emperor himself. The report detailed his true reason for extending and fortifying the wall. The emperor loved his dogs.
Among the items were locks of hair from each of his concubines, holiday ornaments for the Chinese New Year, and a letter on papyrus from the emperor himself. The report detailed his true reason for extending and fortifying the wall. The emperor loved his dogs.
While the massive project began as a way to keep out the Mongol hordes, Emperor Taitsu realized it could serve another purpose, to keep his precious Shih Tzus in. The final line in the note says, sure, the emperor hated Mongolians, but he loved his dogs more. So the response to the age-old question, who let the dogs out? Not Emperor Taitsu. Turns out...
While the massive project began as a way to keep out the Mongol hordes, Emperor Taitsu realized it could serve another purpose, to keep his precious Shih Tzus in. The final line in the note says, sure, the emperor hated Mongolians, but he loved his dogs more. So the response to the age-old question, who let the dogs out? Not Emperor Taitsu. Turns out...
Hello. Hello. Howdy. Howdy? Ooh.
Hello. Hello. Howdy. Howdy? Ooh.
Okay, I've heard. I've been there before.
Okay, I've heard. I've been there before.
You are so straight.
You are so straight.
Yes, that's a pocketbook, baby.
Yes, that's a pocketbook, baby.
Yeah. I feel like Lauren Sanchez is going to get this bag and take it to space with it. Probably, yes, yes.
Yeah. I feel like Lauren Sanchez is going to get this bag and take it to space with it. Probably, yes, yes.
Oh, yeah. Clearly.
Oh, yeah. Clearly.
Is that onomatopoeia? I'm just thinking.
Is that onomatopoeia? I'm just thinking.
I don't like flip-flops. You don't? No, I don't like feet. And my boyfriend doesn't wear them. That makes me so happy.
I don't like flip-flops. You don't? No, I don't like feet. And my boyfriend doesn't wear them. That makes me so happy.
But I feel like if your dog is at your wedding, it also sleeps on the bed with you.
But I feel like if your dog is at your wedding, it also sleeps on the bed with you.
I've never been happier to be the only person on this stage without kids.
I've never been happier to be the only person on this stage without kids.
Melania leaves Trump for Trudeau. Ooh.
Melania leaves Trump for Trudeau. Ooh.
Oh, I love it. I'm obsessed with this situation. I don't know if anyone has ever looked into her eyes, but you shouldn't because she looks really evil. She looks like if Ursula and Maleficent had a baby. I don't know.
Oh, I love it. I'm obsessed with this situation. I don't know if anyone has ever looked into her eyes, but you shouldn't because she looks really evil. She looks like if Ursula and Maleficent had a baby. I don't know.
She also isn't a good COO because he asked the question of like, you know, where'd you guys meet? And she was like, we're not answering that question. And I was like, okay, it's given. High class hooker. Yeah. But... That's very generous.
She also isn't a good COO because he asked the question of like, you know, where'd you guys meet? And she was like, we're not answering that question. And I was like, okay, it's given. High class hooker. Yeah. But... That's very generous.
For me, you need to have a stock answer, because I met my boyfriend at a funeral, and I don't tell anyone that will listen, so I would think she would actually have a stock answer for that, you know?
For me, you need to have a stock answer, because I met my boyfriend at a funeral, and I don't tell anyone that will listen, so I would think she would actually have a stock answer for that, you know?
I just love that I found out I have something in common with an Iowa farmer. Really? We're not on TikTok. Yeah, you have no idea. Yeah. If alpha males are doing that, if I was a man, I would be a beta cuck.
I just love that I found out I have something in common with an Iowa farmer. Really? We're not on TikTok. Yeah, you have no idea. Yeah. If alpha males are doing that, if I was a man, I would be a beta cuck.
Yeah, and most stand-up comedians.
Yeah, and most stand-up comedians.
China is home to many tourist attractions. The Forbidden City, the Terracotta Army, and perhaps its greatest achievement of all, a wall. This week, portions of the Ming Dynasty extension eroded, and historians were excited to find a time capsule. To their delight, the peasant-turned-emperor, Taizu, had a sense of humor.
China is home to many tourist attractions. The Forbidden City, the Terracotta Army, and perhaps its greatest achievement of all, a wall. This week, portions of the Ming Dynasty extension eroded, and historians were excited to find a time capsule. To their delight, the peasant-turned-emperor, Taizu, had a sense of humor.
Hey, Matt. Do you fly JetBlue? Yeah.
Hey, Matt. Do you fly JetBlue? Yeah.
Okay. Get your mental on.
Okay. Get your mental on.
There's tons of molds.
There's tons of molds.
LAUGHTER I would just like to say that I don't relate to this because my boyfriend is a bougie egg buyer. So we've been paying like $80. Oh, really? Yes. Have you guys seen the Vital Farms eggs? Okay, a couple people know what I'm talking about. You must not have kids either. So those are at $11 now.
LAUGHTER I would just like to say that I don't relate to this because my boyfriend is a bougie egg buyer. So we've been paying like $80. Oh, really? Yes. Have you guys seen the Vital Farms eggs? Okay, a couple people know what I'm talking about. You must not have kids either. So those are at $11 now.
Okay, so my friend was on SNL and she took me there to go see an episode, right? I had to go to the bathroom and she comes in and she was like, you have to leave the bathroom because Billy Crystal needs to use the bathroom. And I was like, what? And he opens the door and my pants were half down and he was like, I'm sorry, I gotta pee. So Billy Crystal saw me with my pants down.
Okay, so my friend was on SNL and she took me there to go see an episode, right? I had to go to the bathroom and she comes in and she was like, you have to leave the bathroom because Billy Crystal needs to use the bathroom. And I was like, what? And he opens the door and my pants were half down and he was like, I'm sorry, I gotta pee. So Billy Crystal saw me with my pants down.
But I'm going to tell you, as a regrettable heterosexual, it is very sexy when men wear chunky sweaters. Really?
But I'm going to tell you, as a regrettable heterosexual, it is very sexy when men wear chunky sweaters. Really?
That's crazy. to you for the Jones one. Thank you. All right.
That's crazy. to you for the Jones one. Thank you. All right.
It's a delicacy in our home state, Peter, a knuckle sandwich. When you get knocked out for thinking a billionaire cared about the price of eggs.
It's a delicacy in our home state, Peter, a knuckle sandwich. When you get knocked out for thinking a billionaire cared about the price of eggs.
Well, he's not special because I did the same thing to prepare for the role of me in the pandemic.
Well, he's not special because I did the same thing to prepare for the role of me in the pandemic.
And instead of hiring an ugly chick, they was like Charlize Theron.
And instead of hiring an ugly chick, they was like Charlize Theron.
I have a terrible bladder. Shout out to the terrible bladder community. And yeah, okay. I feel seen. And I'm just, I hate how long movies are now, right? Like there should be intermissions because like I had to pee right before Defying Gravity and Wicked. Like, holding your pee during that song is very terrible.
I have a terrible bladder. Shout out to the terrible bladder community. And yeah, okay. I feel seen. And I'm just, I hate how long movies are now, right? Like there should be intermissions because like I had to pee right before Defying Gravity and Wicked. Like, holding your pee during that song is very terrible.
Absolutely. Ain't that much Kegels in the world.
Absolutely. Ain't that much Kegels in the world.
Yes. That's why I don't fly Spirit, Peter.
Yes. That's why I don't fly Spirit, Peter.
Yeah. You know who I think should be banned? What? People with open-toed shoes on the airplane.
Yeah. You know who I think should be banned? What? People with open-toed shoes on the airplane.
Elaine Smalls of Decatur, Georgia, is royalty in her social circles. She's been adept in her life at an odd talent, returning anything, an ability that has earned her the moniker the take-back queen. Now you can hire Elaine for anything from returning an old laptop that conked out past its warranty to furniture your child destroyed. She doesn't even need a receipt.
Elaine Smalls of Decatur, Georgia, is royalty in her social circles. She's been adept in her life at an odd talent, returning anything, an ability that has earned her the moniker the take-back queen. Now you can hire Elaine for anything from returning an old laptop that conked out past its warranty to furniture your child destroyed. She doesn't even need a receipt.
Final sale isn't in her vocabulary. Her most popular service is her send-back special. For $20 and the price of an Uber, she will come to the restaurant you're eating at and send the food back that you do not like. She'll even teach you how to do it yourself. Baby steps. First, you learn to send back a dish because you didn't order it.
Final sale isn't in her vocabulary. Her most popular service is her send-back special. For $20 and the price of an Uber, she will come to the restaurant you're eating at and send the food back that you do not like. She'll even teach you how to do it yourself. Baby steps. First, you learn to send back a dish because you didn't order it.
After just a couple of weeks, you'll be comfortable sending back dishes based on vibes alone. None of your friends will go to dinner with you anymore, but at least you're getting what you want. Her disclaimer, I only do this for large corporations. Mom and pop stores are safe from my cordial indignation.
After just a couple of weeks, you'll be comfortable sending back dishes based on vibes alone. None of your friends will go to dinner with you anymore, but at least you're getting what you want. Her disclaimer, I only do this for large corporations. Mom and pop stores are safe from my cordial indignation.
When asked if she feels bad about taking advantage of corporations, her response, eat the rich. They can afford it.
When asked if she feels bad about taking advantage of corporations, her response, eat the rich. They can afford it.
A fake detective? Was she stripping? How would that make one think they've been poisoned?
Give her husband a thrill. Let him know why he's marrying her. I don't know the answer, Peter. You know the answer.
All the money they spent. You almost gave me a heart attack. You should die.
It sounds like these land snorkelers don't have jobs.
Yeah, I'm at that age when somebody cancels plans, I'm like, yes.
I want them to test it with, like, all the different drugs. All the different gases. Yeah.
Smoke a J, you're just licking the snow.
What? It's true. Okay, new fear unlocked.
Oh, Charles. Charles Rangel.
My people would beg to disagree.
And Joelle Nicole Johnson. Giving your parents the 60K you want when you are a stay-at-home son.
Yeah. I don't need chat GPT. My mother will tell me, you know. My mother once told me I was gaining weight while I was eating pasta in Paris. Really? Yeah. I flew her there first class. Wait a minute. You flew. My mama.
And I was like, that's why you don't have any grandkids.
Oh, yeah. I live by a mantra, Peter. Yes. We cannot double dip if we don't kiss on the lips.
Oh, right? Like penmanship?
You know, this is important though, because like life skills, I wish I had gotten a class on taxes. We never got the tax class. We never got the mortgage class. We never got that when I was in high school. It's like, I don't care about the periodic table.
Right. What about the 401K class?
Nothing says I love you like a bed covered in rose petals, diamond bracelets or potato chips. This week news broke worldwide about a husband named Johnny who tried to surprise his wife Rachel with a romantic gesture. He loves her and she loves chips.
So for her birthday, he took her to exotic Blackpool, Lancashire, and asked the hotel staff to cover the bed in 30 bags of assorted potato chips for his crisp, loving battle axe. He assumed they knew he meant to keep the chips in the bag.
However, a confused staffer who must have thought they had some type of fetish misunderstood the request and opened the bags of chips and poured them all over the bed. Upon entering the room, Rachel thought they were the victims of a cartoonish break-in. As she ate a few of the chips off the bed, he sheepishly explained his intention, and they got one of the best laughs of their relationship.
And Johnny learned a valuable lesson when making a request to never assume clarity, because when you assume, you make an ass out of you, me, and the hotel staff.
Among the items were locks of hair from each of his concubines, holiday ornaments for the Chinese New Year, and a letter on papyrus from the emperor himself. The report detailed his true reason for extending and fortifying the wall. The emperor loved his dogs.
While the massive project began as a way to keep out the Mongol hordes, Emperor Taitsu realized it could serve another purpose, to keep his precious Shih Tzus in. The final line in the note says, sure, the emperor hated Mongolians, but he loved his dogs more. So the response to the age-old question, who let the dogs out? Not Emperor Taitsu. Turns out...
Hello. Hello. Howdy. Howdy? Ooh.
Okay, I've heard. I've been there before.
You are so straight.
Yes, that's a pocketbook, baby.
Yeah. I feel like Lauren Sanchez is going to get this bag and take it to space with it. Probably, yes, yes.
Oh, yeah. Clearly.
Is that onomatopoeia? I'm just thinking.
I don't like flip-flops. You don't? No, I don't like feet. And my boyfriend doesn't wear them. That makes me so happy.
But I feel like if your dog is at your wedding, it also sleeps on the bed with you.
I've never been happier to be the only person on this stage without kids.
Melania leaves Trump for Trudeau. Ooh.
Oh, I love it. I'm obsessed with this situation. I don't know if anyone has ever looked into her eyes, but you shouldn't because she looks really evil. She looks like if Ursula and Maleficent had a baby. I don't know.
She also isn't a good COO because he asked the question of like, you know, where'd you guys meet? And she was like, we're not answering that question. And I was like, okay, it's given. High class hooker. Yeah. But... That's very generous.
For me, you need to have a stock answer, because I met my boyfriend at a funeral, and I don't tell anyone that will listen, so I would think she would actually have a stock answer for that, you know?
I just love that I found out I have something in common with an Iowa farmer. Really? We're not on TikTok. Yeah, you have no idea. Yeah. If alpha males are doing that, if I was a man, I would be a beta cuck.
Yeah, and most stand-up comedians.
China is home to many tourist attractions. The Forbidden City, the Terracotta Army, and perhaps its greatest achievement of all, a wall. This week, portions of the Ming Dynasty extension eroded, and historians were excited to find a time capsule. To their delight, the peasant-turned-emperor, Taizu, had a sense of humor.
Yeah. Well, it's interesting because I grew up in Atlanta, so Jonan, which is also, that's how, I guess that's the place they call it, the dozens.
So when we're going back and forth, that's what we call Jonan.
I'm sure Kendrick Lamar will tell us.
You've never been in a Bass Pro shop?
Yes, I love a Bass Pro Shop. Exactly.
Hey, Matt. Do you fly JetBlue? Yeah.
Okay. Get your mental on.
There's tons of molds.
LAUGHTER I would just like to say that I don't relate to this because my boyfriend is a bougie egg buyer. So we've been paying like $80. Oh, really? Yes. Have you guys seen the Vital Farms eggs? Okay, a couple people know what I'm talking about. You must not have kids either. So those are at $11 now.
Okay, so my friend was on SNL and she took me there to go see an episode, right? I had to go to the bathroom and she comes in and she was like, you have to leave the bathroom because Billy Crystal needs to use the bathroom. And I was like, what? And he opens the door and my pants were half down and he was like, I'm sorry, I gotta pee. So Billy Crystal saw me with my pants down.
But I'm going to tell you, as a regrettable heterosexual, it is very sexy when men wear chunky sweaters. Really?
That's crazy. to you for the Jones one. Thank you. All right.
It's a delicacy in our home state, Peter, a knuckle sandwich. When you get knocked out for thinking a billionaire cared about the price of eggs.
Well, he's not special because I did the same thing to prepare for the role of me in the pandemic.
And instead of hiring an ugly chick, they was like Charlize Theron.
I have a terrible bladder. Shout out to the terrible bladder community. And yeah, okay. I feel seen. And I'm just, I hate how long movies are now, right? Like there should be intermissions because like I had to pee right before Defying Gravity and Wicked. Like, holding your pee during that song is very terrible.
Absolutely. Ain't that much Kegels in the world.
Yes. That's why I don't fly Spirit, Peter.
Yeah. You know who I think should be banned? What? People with open-toed shoes on the airplane.
Elaine Smalls of Decatur, Georgia, is royalty in her social circles. She's been adept in her life at an odd talent, returning anything, an ability that has earned her the moniker the take-back queen. Now you can hire Elaine for anything from returning an old laptop that conked out past its warranty to furniture your child destroyed. She doesn't even need a receipt.
Final sale isn't in her vocabulary. Her most popular service is her send-back special. For $20 and the price of an Uber, she will come to the restaurant you're eating at and send the food back that you do not like. She'll even teach you how to do it yourself. Baby steps. First, you learn to send back a dish because you didn't order it.
After just a couple of weeks, you'll be comfortable sending back dishes based on vibes alone. None of your friends will go to dinner with you anymore, but at least you're getting what you want. Her disclaimer, I only do this for large corporations. Mom and pop stores are safe from my cordial indignation.
When asked if she feels bad about taking advantage of corporations, her response, eat the rich. They can afford it.
It's cinema at its finest, said the boss about the boss. Many consider Bruce Springsteen to be a genius who can do no wrong. So why is his favorite movie, The Boss, a 2015 comedy flop starring Melissa McCarthy? It's the best movie ever made, he explained in his memoir. He calls it the Nebraska of movies.
Just a reminder, Nebraska is a sparse and moody Springsteen album critics often consider as his best work. Meanwhile, The Boss is a movie critics described as hotel TV. But public disinterest and critical disdain be damned, Springsteen demands a sequel. So this week he announced he is writing, directing, and producing The Boss 2, double The Boss.
I finally have something that will rise to the perfect standard I set with Born in the USA. It's The Boss 2, oh, oh, oh.
I sure haven't. And I'm from New Jersey. Really?
Hey, Megan. Hi, Joelle. Hi.
They don't look at you like that, Paula. They do not.
The most one that people hate.
AI grandmama?
I actually like that.
AI terrifies me, but I actually like that. You really like that? Mm-hmm. You think you'd like an AI grandma? I don't know. My grandma was mean. I think she should be a little mean. Like, Daisy should be like, sit down somewhere. Yeah.
Ooh, she had an evil cat, and this is why I hate cats, and the cat would, like, hide under the table and scratch us, all the kids, when we'd walk past, but he never messed with Grandma because he knew, and she knew he was scratching us, but she didn't care. Wow.
Yeah. Wow. I didn't realize until right now that I should talk to my therapist about that. Yeah.
No, I didn't do any of the excursions on the last wedding I went to. I don't like excursions.
I don't want to say his name. Sadly, you must. Trump.
Swap.
Bird.
and started dating an Italian dude afterwards. I don't know.
Oh, come on, come on.
Therapy! Yay!
Does that mean, like, Naked and Afraid is going to have HR?
I think I'm going to do this for my stepfather because he's impossible to get gifts for.
Yeah. He's also a jerk. But he loves being a jerk. And one year I got him Omaha Steaks, like a package from Omaha Steaks. And he was like, don't ever do that again. You don't know how to pick meat. And I was like, I didn't pick the meat. Yeah. You didn't go to the stockyard and say, that cow looks tasty. What are you talking about? So now I just give him Budweiser.
Omaha Steaks. Omaha Steaks.
Hey.
You give me precious back, you give me precious.
Jack Powers of Las Vegas, Nevada. Okay. Yeah.
If you can spill it, spread it, pump it, or pour it, it should go in a checked bag.
Jeff got all three questions correct. Yeah. It's a record. It's a record.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows, filling in for Bill Curtis.
We're playing this week with Tom Papa, Maz Jabrani, and Joelle Nicole Johnson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
To Pizza Hut's wine, I won't say no. It's from fruits of a vine stalk that they grow. Like basil notes chased, a crust-forward taste in wine that is made from... No.
I'm not a limerick. Never in Detroit has limericks ever been taught or read. And I'm willing to allow someone who's better. Like, if you have an Irish person in the room, they want to do it. I'm all for it. Okay, here we go. To Pizza Hut's wine, I won't say no. It's from fruits of a vine stalk that they grow like basil notes chased, a crust forward taste in wine that is made from... Pesto?
I truly don't know.
All right, hold your heads. Here we go. Listen closely as the brother reads the lyrics. Once, an asteroid belt was our thing, and our skies had big rocks on the wing. They just kept flying around till they crashed to the ground. Just like Saturn, the Earth had a... Ring.
Here is your last limerick. Airline comfort is crossing a line. When they sleep, I have no space to dine. They lean back, and I'm hoping my laptop won't open. I vote to ban seats that recline. Yes!
Tim, how did Kristen do in our quiz? It's a good question. You know, I was focusing so much on... I'm going to give her 800 points.
I'm sure that's close.
Tom has three points. Maz has three points. Joelle has two. All right, very good.
Well, I'm happy to tell you Joyelle got six right, and she now has 12 points, and she is in the lead. There you go. I have 14 points. 14 points. Did I say 12? I meant 14.
Tim, how did Maz do on our quiz? I'm happy to tell you that Maz got seven right. He now has 14 points, but he has 17 points total, and he is now in the lead. There you are. There you go, 17.
This math is difficult. Tom got six right, 12 more. He had 15 total. But it doesn't beat Ma's because Ma's got 17 total. He's the winner.
And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
There's been a Dev Patel contest in San Francisco, a Jack Schlossberg meetup in Central Park, a Paul Mescal hangout in Dublin, a Harry Styles party in London.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows, making the best of a weather delay at O'Hare by filling in for Bill Curtis. And here's her host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago.
Here, Daniel, is your last quote. California King not big enough for you? Meet the Alaska King.
I've got to say, after years of working next to some of the absolute greats, it's really exciting to try something different. Yeah.
Tim, how did Daniel do on our quiz? Wow, I'm keeping score and announcing. That's a lot of work.
But Daniel did really well. He got all three questions correct.
From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows. We're playing this week with Joelle Nicole Johnson, Tom Papa, and Maz Jabrani. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Tim.