Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Follow Wiser Than Me wherever you get your podcasts. And hey, if there's an old lady in your life, listen up.

Follow Wiser Than Me wherever you get your podcasts. And hey, if there's an old lady in your life, listen up.

Hey, listeners, it's me, Julia. LEMONADA LEMONADA

Hey, listeners, it's me, Julia. LEMONADA LEMONADA

I'm sure I've mentioned here on Wiser Than Me that I have a dog named George, whom I love with all my heart. He is perfect. Well, he's got inflammatory bowel disease, and he is allergic to everything. And he barks way too much when somebody comes to the door. He barks so much, actually, that it makes my Apple Watch give me a decibel alert thing. But still, he is perfect.

I'm sure I've mentioned here on Wiser Than Me that I have a dog named George, whom I love with all my heart. He is perfect. Well, he's got inflammatory bowel disease, and he is allergic to everything. And he barks way too much when somebody comes to the door. He barks so much, actually, that it makes my Apple Watch give me a decibel alert thing. But still, he is perfect.

And coming for me, that's saying something. Because you know what? I don't have an ideal history with dogs. First, our childhood dog, Pippi, a miniature dachshund. Pippi was run over by a Volkswagen bug. And I know that's kind of funny now, but believe me, at the time, it was a complete horror show. And then there's Jack.

And coming for me, that's saying something. Because you know what? I don't have an ideal history with dogs. First, our childhood dog, Pippi, a miniature dachshund. Pippi was run over by a Volkswagen bug. And I know that's kind of funny now, but believe me, at the time, it was a complete horror show. And then there's Jack.

So Jack was a rescue Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that my first husband brought home unannounced one day when I was eight months pregnant, juggling a four-year-old, working a thousand hours a day on Seinfeld, and let's say unprepared for the rigors of dog ownership. Yeah, I mean, my first husband was a nice man, but he brought Jack home with no crate, no food, no dog dishes, and no plan.

So Jack was a rescue Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that my first husband brought home unannounced one day when I was eight months pregnant, juggling a four-year-old, working a thousand hours a day on Seinfeld, and let's say unprepared for the rigors of dog ownership. Yeah, I mean, my first husband was a nice man, but he brought Jack home with no crate, no food, no dog dishes, and no plan.

And the first thing that Jack did was escape from the house and run as fast as he fucking could east, like perhaps towards Mecca or Jerusalem. I have no idea, but Lord Almighty, did he take off. He was so fast. that my husband got on his bike and I got in a car and frantically chased after him until we finally caught him in the middle of traffic on Sunset Boulevard.

And the first thing that Jack did was escape from the house and run as fast as he fucking could east, like perhaps towards Mecca or Jerusalem. I have no idea, but Lord Almighty, did he take off. He was so fast. that my husband got on his bike and I got in a car and frantically chased after him until we finally caught him in the middle of traffic on Sunset Boulevard.

Okay, so at this point, you can imagine, I wasn't exactly thrilled with this first husband of mine, who I should mention is Brad Hall, to whom I am surprisingly still married. So the next day, Brad thought it would be a very good idea to drive Jack the dog an hour and a half up a super curvy road to a little beach house where we were staying. And poor little Jack got very carsick.

Okay, so at this point, you can imagine, I wasn't exactly thrilled with this first husband of mine, who I should mention is Brad Hall, to whom I am surprisingly still married. So the next day, Brad thought it would be a very good idea to drive Jack the dog an hour and a half up a super curvy road to a little beach house where we were staying. And poor little Jack got very carsick.

And then when he arrived, he proceeded to have projectile diarrhea all over the place. And I screamed so loud that Brad, in a panic, picked the poor dog up underneath his belly and tried to run him outside. And as he ran, the diarrhea sprayed like machine gun fire across all the walls of the beach cottage. And I really actually mean all the walls.

And then when he arrived, he proceeded to have projectile diarrhea all over the place. And I screamed so loud that Brad, in a panic, picked the poor dog up underneath his belly and tried to run him outside. And as he ran, the diarrhea sprayed like machine gun fire across all the walls of the beach cottage. And I really actually mean all the walls.

And if I recall correctly, they also had sisal carpeting. So just put that in your mind, okay? Diarrhea, sisal carpeting. Yeah.

And if I recall correctly, they also had sisal carpeting. So just put that in your mind, okay? Diarrhea, sisal carpeting. Yeah.

It will not come as a surprise that Brad left within the hour to take the dog back to the shelter where he waited until little Jack was happily readopted by a family that was much more prepared to care for this poor creature who I fear that we had probably traumatized completely and thoroughly.

It will not come as a surprise that Brad left within the hour to take the dog back to the shelter where he waited until little Jack was happily readopted by a family that was much more prepared to care for this poor creature who I fear that we had probably traumatized completely and thoroughly.