Kasey

Yes. Do you relate? I do. You know, the white lies and the polite fictions and the pleasantries that go along with small talk, a lot of autistic people really do perceive that as lying. Yeah. For me, I recognize that it's a cultural structure rather than an intent to deceive.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

That's pretty normal to me. You know, I'm not offended by or afraid of the word fat. But a lot of the people that were my friends were very afraid of that word. And so they would say to me, oh, you're not fat. And for me, that was just baffling. Like, I understood that they were trying to be kind, but I couldn't fathom how they thought that would actually be believed or helpful.

Yeah. In our support groups, that issue comes up a lot. For some people, it's very puzzling and they just don't understand the concept. And especially because so often, lies are just completely transparent.

I have a mirror. I know what I look like. It started to make me clue into this idea of white lies and polite fiction. And then, you know, with the teenage politics, you start to see people who, oh, I'm so happy to see you. Awesome. Let's hang out. And then behind the person's back, oh, my God, I can't stand her. She is just the worst. Yeah.

So I started to catch on that this was not just widespread, but that this was considered appropriate behavior.

I won't say never. I think of myself as sort of practicing radical honesty with tact. So I do my best to tell the truth in all circumstances.

So from a moral and scriptural basis, one is justified to lie to protect others from individuals who mean to do them harm. So, for example, there was someone in my life who was in a domestic violence situation, and I helped her to get to a safe place. And when her husband called, I said, I have no idea where she is.

It's quite simply a lie, but it is a lie that is fully justified because it is information to which he is not entitled for the protection of life and limb of myself or another person.

I think that most of the time, if the person you're speaking to didn't do well, that they're going to know it. And so the polite fiction is not going to reassure them. So what is the honest thing you could say in that situation? The honest thing is, You know, coming to do this, to have these conversations and be open and vulnerable is a big thing.

And I really appreciate that you did it and that you made the effort. Thank you for that. That's honest.

Thank you. It's honest and it acknowledges them.

It's just baffling to me. It's just, it's inexplicable. I don't understand the continuing in the lie. And I don't understand why they haven't learned at an earlier point that it's not productive, that this is not an effective tool for you.

Can I say 100%? I really don't think... Except in extreme circumstances that Anne Frank is hidden in my attic situation, I don't think that lying is necessary. I think if we have honest, tactful interaction, we're always going to be the better for it.

It's my pleasure.

Thank you. I hope it will be useful.