Kathryn Schulz

And I don't know that her life was improved by never confronting the vast sources of pain within it, at least never in any way visible to any of the rest of us, right? Life is full of suffering. It's unevenly distributed in tragic ways. I would never dispute that. But even the best and luckiest and most privileged life has an unfortunate share of suffering in it. And

And I don't know that her life was improved by never confronting the vast sources of pain within it, at least never in any way visible to any of the rest of us, right? Life is full of suffering. It's unevenly distributed in tragic ways. I would never dispute that. But even the best and luckiest and most privileged life has an unfortunate share of suffering in it. And

there are choices to be made about how much do we focus on it? How much do we dwell on it? How much do we speak of it? How do we speak of it? And how much do we pay attention to our own suffering versus the suffering of others? And I think you're driving at something a little deeper than everyday complaining, which is a fundamental question about, do we regard ourselves as strong?

there are choices to be made about how much do we focus on it? How much do we dwell on it? How much do we speak of it? How do we speak of it? And how much do we pay attention to our own suffering versus the suffering of others? And I think you're driving at something a little deeper than everyday complaining, which is a fundamental question about, do we regard ourselves as strong?

And this is such an overused word right now, but resilient and able to overcome? And do we dwell on what is going well or on what we hope to do, on our aspirations, on our motives, on our goals? Or do we get excessively mired in what has been done to us or ways that we've been wronged? And I don't pretend to know the answer, and I'm not suggesting we shouldn't speak about trauma and upset.

And this is such an overused word right now, but resilient and able to overcome? And do we dwell on what is going well or on what we hope to do, on our aspirations, on our motives, on our goals? Or do we get excessively mired in what has been done to us or ways that we've been wronged? And I don't pretend to know the answer, and I'm not suggesting we shouldn't speak about trauma and upset.

As I said, I think it was a great revolution in our culture that people have permission to do so. But I share the sense that something was slightly lost in these generations that Yeah, I mean, my father spent decades not really saying altogether that much about it, both a fascinating and also unquestionably disruptive and upsetting and traumatic childhood.

As I said, I think it was a great revolution in our culture that people have permission to do so. But I share the sense that something was slightly lost in these generations that Yeah, I mean, my father spent decades not really saying altogether that much about it, both a fascinating and also unquestionably disruptive and upsetting and traumatic childhood.

Deadly dull. I mean, when nothing is happening, which is a lot of the time when you have someone in an ICU with a kind of mysterious set of failing bodily systems. much of your time is spent doing absolutely nothing.

Deadly dull. I mean, when nothing is happening, which is a lot of the time when you have someone in an ICU with a kind of mysterious set of failing bodily systems. much of your time is spent doing absolutely nothing.

Much of your time is spent waiting for someone who has the faintest idea what's going on to come and talk to you, which inevitably happens in the 10 minutes you decide you're finally going to go get a cup of coffee. So, you know, they felt long. They felt repetitive. They, of course, had this...

Much of your time is spent waiting for someone who has the faintest idea what's going on to come and talk to you, which inevitably happens in the 10 minutes you decide you're finally going to go get a cup of coffee. So, you know, they felt long. They felt repetitive. They, of course, had this...

kind of specter of fear always on the edges of them because it's not like I knew my father was dying the whole time. At some point that became clear, but for a lot of the time it wasn't clear at all. I will say, and this is so much of what this book is about, they felt a little bit like a gift.

kind of specter of fear always on the edges of them because it's not like I knew my father was dying the whole time. At some point that became clear, but for a lot of the time it wasn't clear at all. I will say, and this is so much of what this book is about, they felt a little bit like a gift.

It was this bit of time carved out from the daily grind of, I'm at work, I'm on deadlines, you know, I'm doing all these predictable things. It's like, well, no, I am here in this hospital and here we are as a family, like my family of origin together in a room. How wonderful. And so it had moments of sweetness.

It was this bit of time carved out from the daily grind of, I'm at work, I'm on deadlines, you know, I'm doing all these predictable things. It's like, well, no, I am here in this hospital and here we are as a family, like my family of origin together in a room. How wonderful. And so it had moments of sweetness.

There was a kind of bleak tedium to it, and yet it was always punctuated by the gift of family. And then, of course, gratitude for the medical professionals who were trying to help us and outside and around and infusing all of it, this fear, which proved accurate that these were my final days with my dad.

There was a kind of bleak tedium to it, and yet it was always punctuated by the gift of family. And then, of course, gratitude for the medical professionals who were trying to help us and outside and around and infusing all of it, this fear, which proved accurate that these were my final days with my dad.

I think that's often true. And I think many people experience it that way. You know, this longing people have still today to die at home, right? And the resistance to entering various kinds of care settings. It's not, I don't think, just stubbornness or even fear about, you know, being warehoused in an institution or no one will come visit you or this kind of thing.

I think that's often true. And I think many people experience it that way. You know, this longing people have still today to die at home, right? And the resistance to entering various kinds of care settings. It's not, I don't think, just stubbornness or even fear about, you know, being warehoused in an institution or no one will come visit you or this kind of thing.