Kathy Hilton

Can you call the police? But everyone's okay.

As of today, I don't think they have caught the vandals yet. Is there a security camera footage? Because I am interested in seeing that. I have seen the call, the little waveforms that they show on the call.

There were no other housewives that I saw there.

I mean, his house was just burglarized.

Yeah, they're like, Joe Burrow needs to talk to HR because he's sleeping with his employee.

Her mom.

Oh, Alexis Bellino and Johnny J. Did we speak to them? Absolutely not. Walked right past Johnny J. Not interested in that conversation.

Okay, so she wasn't like they were throwing ice at me.

We didn't need to be yelling in the corner with Alexis Bellino. That's a true housewife.

There was like little like tufts and but it kind of was giving like filling. You know what I'm saying? Like stuffing filling. Like a teddy bear? From like a teddy bear. But not like a real snow machine. They did have the pool open, which I believe last year it was covered with snow. This year it was open, which seems hazardous. Very much so.

But I will also say, like, it wasn't like it was... like a picture of Jay-Z and Beyonce to where she would have been like, oh, my sweet daughter and son-in-law. Like it said in big, bold letters across the entire picture.

Or they have, like, their, like, river, like, holding their phone. And sometimes she's, like, in someone's DM. Maybe Solange had Tina's phone. Maybe Solange had Tina's. And she was, like, kind of, like, sleepy.

He looked lost. He should.

It was like you had to like shimmy around the pool to get to the bar, which feels dangerous. You know what I'm saying? No one fell in. Not on our watch. We did get out of there early.

Didn't singer M.I.A. come out and say something that is the very famous Paper Planes song? You know what I'm saying? Paper Planes?

Okay, so she's just like being like, oh, I have a story about Jay-Z as well.

I believe that. Like a rhinoplasty? I don't know. He's like, you know, you would breathe a lot better if you got a septum.

Yeah, let's get into the ultimatum. Let's get into the ultimatum. Episode six.

This is not giving hee hee how we're joking. Everybody's in on the bit. This was giving aggressive and like, I've only known you for two weeks. Why the fuck are you coming at me like this?

The second she said, you're obsessed with JR, the smoke that poured out of his ears. Literally. I mean...

I don't think it's... No, JR thinks that he is God's gift with the whole conversation with Nick being like, is it because it's me? Is it because it's me?

I think after you're like, hey, because you take your phone to the bathroom at 1.30 in the morning, you're texting JR and telling him things about me is giving obsessive.

I will say, he had, you know, a couple of good explanations for his first actions, but this? Zayna was...

Yeah.

very clear on like that you I don't what what is this energy you're bringing I'm leaving I don't feel comfortable staying in this place with you you're gaslighting me like I'm getting the fuck out of here all very valid I don't feel like he would have had any excuse for that there is no like oh you're missing context or oh we were joking there's none of that no

I would have sued them. Yeah. Actually, unfortunately for them, I would have.

And I will say that I got a lot of DMs from people who claimed to have known him personally. And they're not fans of the person they know.

No, watching him argue with Zayna gives me, obviously they've known each other for three weeks, and he's been with Arya for three years, gives me just the slightest glimpse into their relationship and makes me want to wake Arya up and be like, if you don't leave this man, obviously we don't know if they're together, but please do not marry this man.

Did anyone else understand why Sandy started sobbing about Nick?

It gives like they've had a plan to like leave with each other. And now JR is feeling like, Why are you texting him? Like, I thought we had this good thing going on. You know, that's what that is giving. Interesting. But it's like, I mean, Sandy's like physical reaction to whatever she claims Nick is doing. She's like, I just want him to stop.

Like, I don't know what he's doing because they're not showing it. What they are showing is him getting an incorrect tattoo. Yeah.

I did talk to Mary and she remembered that the last year that we were there, I was pregnant. And she, you know, the last year she was like, you're having a boy. We're like, no, I'm not a boy. And then this year she was like, you had a boy. She was like, did you have a boy? I didn't. A boy. But she was like, everyone here is lame. And I was like, I know they are lame.

But they also kissed before they even chose each other. I will say... We've seen like seven.

They're spooning.

I don't think you need to do it. You don't need to show us. Is that what you look like when you back it up? Yeah.

It is.

yeah but they're like it's like latin words right like how how did he get the same tattoo i guess it's like a common like he's man tattoo did y'all hear um jr say the the two words holding space i did yes yes um yes he did so did nick i think it's just been a thing that people have said and no one ever thought about and now anytime somebody says it i'm like whoa

I would just like to read a couple of the things that Scotty said in this argument. That's unnecessary drama. You're too old for that. At 32, you should hang up the drama jersey.

You are painting a real ugly picture of yourself with your true colors right now.

She's like, I don't want to be here. I didn't want to come. Incredible. It was perfect. It was the Mary that I was hoping for. Yeah. Was she mad that River's not a boy?

She was like, I will not stay here one more second. And you know when she walked out, you could see her kind of being like, now where the fuck am I going to go? Yeah. She was like, hmm.

no no she she i did show her a photo of river and she went she looks nothing like you and i said perfect thank you so much uh i am aware so yeah thanks she said that to you yeah um out of love it was out of love no she was of course incredibly delightful yeah yeah yeah and we got our christmas trees on yeah why aren't christmas trees on you have to plug them in it's plug it in plug it in

Sorry, I'm not giving holiday in here.

102 degrees Fahrenheit.

I think I have personally seen you at Jones on 3rd three times in my lifetime. That's my spot.

Are you a Chinese chicken salad?

I feel like we really bonded in that moment. I was just trying to be helpful. I felt like we bonded.

And Luigi... Six-pack, too. Six-pack. Don't forget that, yeah.

We want to go to prison to be Luigi's, like, hold his pocket.

We have your coffee. Thank you, my friend.

Can we get another straw? I'd like to have some.

Like, how many visitors do we think Luigi is going to have in prison?

Do we think he'll be able to even have visitors? I can't.

Like, clearly we already did it, but it's like, oh, but can I? It's like you watch the woman, like, you know, stand on four stools to get to reach that. And then once you grab it, it's like, oh, do you want me to get that?

Vanderpump Rules is the best TV show. Are you sure?

100%.

The coffee.

I'll see myself out. No, I like that.

Yeah.

Well, you know, Kathy Hilton was handpicking. That's what Mary said.

Yeah. Yeah.

No, no, and I will show you this. Angie, Bronwyn, Mary, Whitney, Lisa.

Yeah.

The exact same.

She told me my child looks nothing like me.

She also told me that because the last time we were there, we saw her and I was very huge and pregnant. And she said that she did not get very big at all, that she just looked like she had a big bowl of pasta while she was pregnant. Of course.

She's like, well, I can't relate because I just looked like I had a big bowl of pasta.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

Yeah. It's like I can't I can't take offense to anything Mary says because I'm just grateful she said it.

I thought you were about to say, like, we'll get canceled for having that. Are you kidding me? And it was like, we've had it in the front of our show for the night.

Lisa Barlow was singing. What'd she sing? Like a holiday song. I didn't recognize it. Maybe it was an original.

Do you think it got just too expensive for him? And he he's lost Schwartz and Sandy's. He doesn't have Vanderpump rules. I don't know if his extras are touring.

No, you haven't, but your man help is on your time.

They said he came back the same. Well, it's a process.

for sure yeah it's like we need to get this down from the attic and it's like do not jump not in this moment as soon as i'm giving an assignment not and not within the hour at all or the next two hours maybe this weekend maybe i was gonna do that after yeah after i get the stool and i crawl up there and it's like well i would have done it i was gonna do that

She's like, you're not gonna embarrass our family.

He was yelling at me, but it was just like we there was a lot of, you know, special forces watch parties and it had nothing to do with Scandal Ball. It was it was just, you know, his personality is not my cup of tea. So I and maybe Ariana and I have different.

What did you think of OC?

Apologize to Michael, too.

Grundleson, how dare you?

She was very much like, I don't want to be here. I have so many other things I need to be doing. But I guess, sure, let's do it.

I appreciate that. Which we also have not hired anyone for that.

So would you, were you team Alexis or team Shannon? What are we thinking about here?

We don't do either, clearly.

Obviously.

It was star studded. Johnny Jay was there.

Tea that can be spilled.

Plus? It was a lot about what we're gonna see. Potentially at Reunion.

But no serious moments.

What do you think she was like in high school?

What were you like in high school?

Okay. And how they delivered. Now, they don't obviously know how the edit will be, but they are confident in what they said and delivered within the next few episodes.

You love them as TV. You love them as watching them on TV or like you would like let Jax date your sister.

Or whenever he walked in on Kristen and Brittany.

Yeah.

No, she would not do a Mariah Carey. I mean, she would.

Yeah, we did not get a chance to chat.

Yeah.

Do you have that with Britney on Salt Lake City?

Uh-huh. Do I have it? Britney. You know Britney. Yes. You know Britney.

Really? Did you watch the most recent episode of Salt Lake City where Angie's calling her hair pornish?

What about me?

I don't think she would get on a knee.

It's honestly an image I don't need.

She loves her husband. She is fucking her husband.

That's true.

Well, I think Lisa will hear this and then she'll do everything in her power to not give you your Christmas wish.

So you think Angie was fucked up for saying the slutty vibes, pornish hair, pornish dress, pornish nails, pornish. Yeah, I think that was, you know. What about Brittany being like, she only said that about me because that's what she's doing in her marriage.

I think if someone told me I had pornish hair.

Brittany slut shaming herself. She is the one being like, I'm seeing three guys. I I'm seeing 10 guys. I have a roster. Like she's saying all of that herself. And Angie's just using her words against her.

Have you seen his social media?

He has been posting like, I, we were never together. We like, she's using me. She I'm the reason she has a storyline on this show.

I think if I were in that position and I had just dropped that bomb to two other women about Angie Kay and then she wants to say I have pornish hair, like, is that really offensive?

You know, because at the end of the day, Brittany didn't do her hair. She had a glam squad come over, you know, like the glam squad gave her the pornish hair. She wasn't born with porn hair.

Be mad at the glam squad.

We have not. We need to go. We had the sandwiches. We had something about her? Oh, is the clock ticking?

But there is drama with the penny. Yeah. The third. Oh, all right. She was the chef.

I think, yeah, maybe back to the drawing board. So you think just walking by, you're not a Bravo fan at all, and you look over and you see something about her. You're not like, oh, we should go in there.

You're like, oh, that's a cute salon.

I think after all the hate he's going to get after publicly announcing that that's what he did, he's going to get a lawyer immediately.

It definitely made some waves.

If he, if he represents himself and wins,

He's watching Law & Order. He's watching... I will apologize.

That is what's up. Oh, the billboards.

Injured, yeah. That would be epic. Dude, I think he would be an ambulance chaser of a lawyer, right?

so he's like telling his clients like if you're at fender bender like you better get out and be like your neck is hurting i've been trying to convince better than schwartz and sandys i've been trying to convince tom to get on only fans yeah why not exactly i don't i don't care what he does he's still he's still he's still got he was on tv for 12 years he's gotta be all right some money

What was Katie's name for that bar? Katie should be so lucky. What was her idea for the name?

Once Upon a Tom.

For executive producer.

No, but we... What if we replace Alexis Bellino and give back Vicky?

How did you get your start?

What was the first thing you were casted in?

Do you think Lisa Vanderpump is only revamping it so that she can get back on TV?

It was not. Away in a Manger, perhaps? I think it was Away in a Manger.

Cashmere.

Ken would never wear some artificial rips and a jean. Are you kidding?

I don't know how many seasons Tamara has left in her. Really? Tea. Say more. Well, you know, she just mentioned at the Christmas party, not this one, but Crystal's dinner, you know, that she's like, I don't need this.

How about that? You know, Nick was a state champion in track for Wisconsin State.

Yeah. Look at this fucking guy, Nick, man. Full of surprises.

Do you think you'd ever come back or no?

Yeah.

Yeah, she was like, I, you know, she says her podcast is doing just fine.

She was crying out of sadness or joy?

We did witness a scene, a housewife scene.

Yes, it was Away in a Manger.

Can I get a franchise?

Okay.

Starring Whitney.

And a little bit of Mary. And a little bit of Mary. Wait, y'all were in an episode of Salt Lake City and you didn't start with that?

We were not in the scene.

Yes. The three of them were together. It was against.

I know, I don't look it. Neither do you. I watch OC. I watch New York. I watch... The new one? Yeah, the new one. Okay, I'm going to ask you about that. I've watched the last couple seasons of Southern Charm, but not the early on seasons of Southern Charm. What else? Beverly Hills. Housewives. Salt Lake City. Yes, but I'm not. I have not watched this season yet. I've been crazy promoting. Fair.

Is it good? It's so good. I know. I'm excited. I ran into Heather Gay when I was in Salt Lake last time. And they were about to film a scene. And I was like, this is such a trip.

someone else so that was crazy um you know what else is crazy megan fox and machine gun kelly allegedly call it quits after just announcing is it alleged that they call it quits well i don't think meg i don't think megan herself or machine gun kelly himself have been like hey yeah we're broken up but no one's like put out an instagram post being like rumors we're in love

um and what happened can we start there yeah whatever oh it's like this is it we are recording and you said i ran into heather gay in salt lake city and i was like this is the content we i had met heather heather gay shout out love the last name yeah representation we had met before or i don't know if we had met in person but at least we're instagram friends

And then I was doing a show in Salt Lake, and I was like, I'm just going to grab a coffee before I take off for the airport. And I'm waiting for my coffee, and these cameras come in, and I'm like, what is happening? And all of a sudden, it's Heather Gay about to film a scene with, I don't even know who she was filming with, but she was all done up. And I was like, Heather, and we started chatting.

Possibly. If I saw the scene, I would know what it was. She was... Sharp or not? It was a very distinct outfit that I can't recall. The lady you didn't know. Mary? No, I didn't see who she was filming with. So it could have been one of the cast members that I know. But she was all done up to have a coffee date. And hash it out.

It was just funny to see it in the wild. Yeah. You know? Because she was supposed to come to my... What was funny about it is that she was supposed to come to my show the night before, and she didn't make it. And when I saw her, she goes, I'm going to see you tonight at your show. And I was like, the show was last night? No. And she was like, no!

It was... I want to say it was like an Adidas outfit, so maybe it hasn't aired yet. Yeah.

There's a website with all the outfits.

It was like an Adidas.

like little like short you know when she had the like knee socks when she was like slaying in those knee socks is that on there slay i don't know they all have fun outfits should we create a website of all of our outfits why not get those cowboy boots up there every day goodwill no one's gonna want to buy my shackets how have you been fortune How have I been? Good. Busy.

Thank you. I have been working nonstop for the last three years. Just like no days off, but all good stuff.

I did two tours back to back in the last three years. They each were a year and a half, and they each were 100 cities and 150 shows. Oh, my God. And then I filmed two seasons of FUBAR in there as well. Is that the one with Arnold? That's the one with Arnold, yeah. And so I have not stopped, but it, and then my, my special just came out. So, uh, I'll celebrate that.

Yeah, so kind of how it goes now is you do this tour. Usually it's anywhere people run it from a year to two years. Some do three years. Mine has kind of landed in that year and a half mark. And then the way it's worked out special wise, I put out one every two years since 2020. Yeah, this is my third hour since January 2020. So you run this material and you just build it and make it better.

And then at the end of it, you film it. And that's a special. So it was funny because someone DM me and she was like, I was expecting new material. I saw this on the road. I'm like, yeah, that's how it works. You perfect it. Not everyone can come to a live show. So you put it on Netflix for everybody. And then that's that's it.

Not many, but I did write her back because I was like, oh, I do want to tell her how this works. I wrote her back and said, you probably don't know this, but this is how it works. Because with music, they put the album out then tour, right? Yeah.

Whereas with stand-up, you want to, yeah, you want to kind of be surprised and not know what's coming. Yeah. But I find that the people that came to the live show really enjoy watching the special because they get to see how everything evolved. Yeah. And what you took out, what you put in, what you changed, because it's always a work in progress.

Um, I hope it's gotten better. I think it's gotten better. I think I've evolved into like storytelling, telling like longer stories and being comfortable in that. And I think I work really hard to tell a narrative like a beginning, middle and end and bring it all full circle callbacks. That stuff takes a long time. And I'm really proud of being able to figure that out.

And Megan Fox is done. And this is like a source close to them. Well, page six. Machine.

And I don't know, with this special, I try to elevate. I took a lot more time to think about what I was going to wear. So I had this big, bright, colorful suit that I had made. I wanted a shiny, fun, colorful background. And I think it made it really pop and just sort of showed I'm like the more adult version of myself, I guess. Yeah.

And every special, like, tells where I'm at in life. Like, Sweet and Salty was my... Sweet and Salty was so good. It was fun. That one was me coming, figuring out who I was, coming out. Those kind of awkward childhood stories. Good Fortune was me meeting my wife, getting married, sort of dipping my toe in adulthood. And this was, crushing it, started with my honeymoon.

And my mom, my parents getting older, being married, all that stuff.

Do you guys love biscuits?

Really? Biscuits and gravy. Yes.

I'm not a dinner biscuit gal myself. I'm a breakfast biscuit.

They're really good. I had to explain to the European watchers what, because they call cookies biscuits. They call them cookies? They call the cookies are biscuits to them.

No, his name is Coulson. Yeah.

Well, they don't have our version of biscuits. That's why they're like that. The closest thing they have is a scone, but that's like a dense sweet thing.

I think that's an English thing. That's what they have. Ours is biscuits. I just said it's like your biscuits, but eight more sticks of butter. Scones are from Scotland. Oh, there we go. We're all learning today.

An afternoon tea situation.

That's how they feel when they hear about biscuits.

I think she does call him Coulson. My twin flame? Coulson.

It's been in the top 10 for the last six days. I can't believe it. You're crushing it. Number six.

thanks um it's a fun title because then people do say hey you're crushing it yeah i mean it's so hard to break into the top 10 on netflix and uh they put the stand up with the tv shows that have like eight episodes i got my one my one thing so you're kind of banking on people watching that one thing and it's really cool what did you do for thanksgiving I went to Michigan.

My wife, her family's from Michigan, and we went and did a big family thing there.

We have been the last couple just because her family's really good at hosting.

I met her. She was living there. She's from Michigan but lived there for 12 years. I visited my family right before, so I get credit for having been home near Thanksgiving night.

We are not doing anything, and I'm so pumped about it.

We're staying home. We're going to be bums in sweatpants making cookies. I just ordered a tree. I'm a little behind. A four and a half foot pink tree on brand with my pink suit.

I wanted, I almost did the six footer and then I was like, do I really want to like put up more lights? And then you have to like do all the branches down. You have to fluff it.

I hate, I hate a fluff. It seems like it would be, but I'm tired. It's a two minute job. No, it's not. It's not a two-minute job.

Everyone in the reviews, because I read the reviews, said it was like a two-hour job.

You fluffed, okay.

And no fluff?

You don't necessarily need ornaments. Well, we did fluff these.

I think in every couple you need the one person who's like the decorator, the planner, the like, I love a holiday. Birthday. Yeah. And neither my wife and I are those people.

So we're terrible. Like, we never know what to buy anyone for a gift. So we're like, just give them a gift card. I don't know. Or here's a bottle of wine. We're not those. There's some friends you have that are just like so thoughtful. They're like, I remember that you like this thing that you mentioned six years ago. And you're like, what? Yeah. Or they'll have something made for you.

We're not those people. I hate those people.

Yeah. I'm the more practical person.

Women's intuition. A woman's intuition. I, you know, how far along is she pregnant? Do we know? No, we just, she just. Multiple months? Yeah, for sure. She's months for sure.

Yeah.

Oh my God. That's hilarious. Yeah.

If nothing comes, I just assume it got lost in the mail or they lied.

Okay. Yikes. Whittling's not done in a day. Yeah, it does take a while. But he started whittling late. This is running a little late. Is that what he said?

It does feel very personal and thoughtful.

Yeah. You have a lot of siblings, don't you?

Oh my God. How do you even keep up with that? Do you get every sibling a gift?

Yeah.

I don't love a group chat situation myself.

You don't need to be a part of that.

Yeah. Does your family do a thing where like y'all just like draw a number?

She is showing. Well, that is sad, you know, when children are involved. But I also do feel like they are a breakup, get back together type of couple. That's what I said.

All of her castmates were like, why is she doing this?

Freaking Eric.

Wow. I'm glad y'all figured it out. That's... I barely can keep up with two brothers, so I can't imagine all that. But you're doing it.

No. Depends on which ones listen to this.

I like the ones that listen to this podcast.

Well, there's only two. So that, yeah, I would have dinner with them.

Okay. But we don't have that often. It is actually very rare to have that. Because when I'm home, it's only a couple times a year. So then the wife, the kids, the parents, everybody's usually involved.

Everybody comes. Exactly. Have dinner with me. One big thing. And leave. I have started trying to have a one-on-one coffee date with my dad. Because I spend a lot of one-on-one time with my mom. But with my dad, I have to like, I can pick him up and we go. And he doesn't drink coffee, so he gets a hot chocolate. And we have a little daddy-daughter date.

so cute what do we talk about on daddy i mean that's the thing there's not much to talk about because you know you don't dig too deep or at least i don't with my dad so it's all pretty surfacy you're not asking him about his childhood trauma no but i think it's just the thought the fact that we did it he's like pumped about and i like it too yeah but yeah not digging too deep

Because weren't they, or aren't they engaged? Remember the like. They were engaged and then they broke up. The ring with like the thorns or something.

I mean, we're definitely friends for sure. Yeah, I was just at his house Saturday night. Really? Yeah. Just hanging out. He had a holiday party. So that was pretty cool. Yeah. He always has this big charity event in October. We were at his house as well.

I was invited to one two years ago that was only like 30 people that I couldn't go to, but this one was like 140 people or something. Still pretty intimate.

30s. I did go to Munich with him for Oktoberfest a couple months ago, so that was pretty cool. He was going anyway. Let me be clear. He always goes, and me and a couple of cast members kind of invited ourselves. Nice.

It's fun. It's like everyone's in a lederhosen and drinking a ton. And he, of course, in Europe is so famous. You can't walk five feet without 100 people descending upon him. So that was a trip. And yeah, he took us shopping for the lederhosens. And everyone's like, Arnold, Arnold, Arnold. And he's just like... We have to get a little and come on, let's go.

Yeah, it's so it was such a wild experience. But I was like, I have to experience Oktoberfest with him because he that's he's the guy, the whole tent. So the tent's like 10,000 people and they're all singing. They have a song they sing that's like Arnold goes to Hollywood. Arnold goes to Hollywood. And he goes up there and he directs the van. And yeah, it's like another land.

Does he get a little soft? No, he's not a big drinker. So yeah, it worked out because we finished the season of FUBAR in Prague. So we went from Prague to...

munich is there gonna be a season well season two will air sometime in the spring maybe you don't have a date yet and then they see how it does and then we decide if we did get another season i imagine that would be it everyone kind of envisioned it as a three season show so we'll see that's pretty great but it was fun i never thought in a million years i'd be in an action series

Shooting guns and running from explosions. I mean, that was not on my bingo card.

A handful of times, but not really. I mean, my co-star had to tell me how to hold the gun properly. I did not know anything.

Righty. Okay. Yeah. And now? I'm like, how does that work? Do you feel stronger now? Yes, a little bit. But in a real life situation, we'd all be in trouble. But I did have to keep myself from going pew, pew, pew. Because you do naturally want to do that.

Yeah. So I would shoot and I would go. And I was like, pew, pew, pew. And they were like, don't make that sound.

It just comes naturally because you're used to just faking it.

Right. No hobbies other than I've been. So I do a podcast called Handsome with Tig Notaro and Mae Martin. And Tig's like a big health nut. And Tig got me into treading water, which I don't think I don't know if that's a hobby.

Yeah. Because I was complaining about working out and my hip was hurting.

Low impact, but still burns a lot of calories. She's like, go in and I have a pool. She's like, go in your pool. She goes, I do it for like an hour. I'm like, an hour? That's crazy, but now I'm doing it like 50 minutes. Nice.

Treading water is like hard. It's a good workout.

And if I get, I'll turn on a podcast and put my phone on the side. And I'll just listen to the podcast and I'll tread water for a while and then I'll swim so it feels like I'm getting more impact. And then I feel great. So that's been my newest endeavor.

Well, I'm sure it's expensive. I have been heating it. You've been treading in bath water?

My wife got in it one day. She's like, this is like a hot tub. So I came down a few degrees.

We do have solar panels, so I think that helps. It's heated by the sun. Yeah, and all of that's connected to the solar panels. So I think it's not... No one's told me to calm down.

I appreciate that support.

yeah yeah but other than that i need i do we have reached a point in our lives where we're like it can't all be about work we need to like start doing things with friends again because we i think the pandemic kind of isolated everybody and we're coming out of that and we're doing things but it's different i feel like we had more routines yeah with people before that we kind of lost there was a

It kind of killed late night. Absolutely. Like when I go around, like even New York, things are closing way earlier than they used to.

And now I have, like if I had a show, I'm like, I would rather add a 4.30 show than a 10 p.m. show. Interesting. It's like where people are at now. Better laughs at the 4.30? more people come. Interesting. They don't want the 10. They don't want the 10 in front of them.

Those are very long. It was easier just to... Probably.

Yeah. If it's still sunny, you're like, this feels like we, it's too early. But if the time, if you're in the time where it's like dark at 445, then you're like, this is good. But,

That's right, yeah.

But we're just trying to find... 25 for us will be about balance. And I'll still work a lot, but finding more community and hanging out with friends and just trying to do things that isn't always just me touring or filming.

I mean, Lord, I got to ask friends what they do. I got to find out what's fun. Yeah. And maybe in healthy things like hiking. Hiking. Yeah. Or games. Game night.

I mean, it would have never been fully away. You can never get it back. So he just would have had lighter tattoos.

Yeah. People have been saying like, we should have a game night and then no one does it. So we're going to make it happen.

You have to just give yourself over to the game night. You can't judge yourself. You just have to be like, we're being goofy. This is what we're all doing now. We'll attempt to do this. Ask me in six months how it's going.

I did. I was at his show this morning.

He said to tell you hi. He really likes you.

He does not like to come on many pods. He came on yours, which is unusual.

Yeah. Wow.

And he always usually spills some sort of tea, as the kids say. Did he spill tea on here?

It was like Shane, my friend.

Oh, I didn't know that.

It's not like your skin beforehand, no. Then he really would have looked like a dork.

He's fighting with Brynn on...

from new york yeah because he he said something about her she didn't like and then she called him a name on watch what happens live recently she said ladies don't lay with pigs oh yeah that's right aggressive well that's kind of what he said he was like and he didn't say what she accused him of saying so classic brin twist twisting the words oh are you are you watching roni this year Yeah, I am.

I watch, I like a lot of the Housewives.

Did you? This new, you don't like the new cast?

Okay.

But it doesn't make for good TV.

I don't know. Yeah, because they were trying to... The whole pregnancy... Yeah. It was like a little... A two-episode prank arc. Talking about leaky pigeons. A lot. A lot. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah.

Did y'all see that Joe Burrow's house was like broken into and someone was there?

Jenna Lyons. I do like Jenna Lyons.

I mean, it... you do just love some of the, these OGs. That's what, you know, we started with the ladies like Ramona and Sonia and Sonia. Like it is hard not to like, we love watching them when they do like the ultimate girl trip or whatever. Um, you do kind of want, I get wanting to bring in a new thing, but I don't know.

Yeah, that could have been a good thing. Real Housewives of Brooklyn.

Yeah. Specifically Bushwick. Yeah, you're right. And then we wouldn't be comparing the two.

I think it is. Bling ring edition. Bling ring edition. Which is crazy.

Because I miss, you know, I want Vicky on OC, you know? Like, you just want some of these people.

You had her on?

Yeah.

Hot mic moment. Oh, there was a hot mic moment? Classic. Did she say something bad? No. Not really.

That's nice. I don't like those gotcha moments.

I like that you're on the up and up about it.

I think she should be too. She should be on the show though. She should. Yeah.

You want her to whoop it up.

Why only 20? She just was in a hurry? She had 400 meetings.

Oh, hilarious. Like you got parasailors going by. Yeah, because she loves Puerto Vallarta.

You have all these things. You had Sandoval coming so late that one time.

Yeah.

You gotta do it. Yeah, you scratched my back.

You seem very time-oriented to me. That did not track for me when he said that.

He's just, yeah, he's a trip.

I don't know. I mean, I've watched these guys. I mean, I came late to the Vanderpump party. I started many seasons in, but I went back and watched from the beginning. That's what I was doing with Southern Charm, too. I started earlier and then went back. Oh.

Yeah. And so I ended up getting really invested in them. So it is weird. Again, I don't know that it should be Vanderpump Rules then. It should be something else.

So you're not going to be getting, it's not going to be the same show. Yeah.

Yeah. I would have liked one more season.

with all of them I think they should have taken some time because obviously they filmed very soon after the whole scandal and it felt a little too raw I think if they had done another season probably Ariana would have come back and that's alright just do it but still do it you know she's doing so many things now I don't think she had any incentive to do it her story would have been money because I think despite all the things that she's doing you know I think Vanderpump Hayes

does it but i i think you know it would have been nice to see because lala's i don't know if she's she's kind of on the outs with people she's showing up on the valley i would have liked to have seen her try to mend some fences katie's like having her moment where she's like She feels like she's found herself now and everyone's on board with it.

I would have liked to see her shine this season and also navigate that friendship with Schwartz. I wanted one more season.

Really?

I don't know if they would want it called that. Whatever.

We could have seen the closing of Schwartz and Sandy. There's still stories to be told here.

they're dating they're out there still got it question mark James is DJing let's see that yeah you know did I see something was it real I saw something that maybe Tom started his own lookalike cause like lookalike contests are becoming a thing oh yeah everyone's having a lookalike contest they all start in Brooklyn I cannot confirm that Timothee Chalamet was the first one right they just had an Ethan Slater one oh yeah wasn't it from Wicked you know Ariana Grande's yeah are you holding space

I know that interviewer and she's lovely. You do know her? I do. And she's amazing. This has really been a moment for her.

And she's capitalizing on it. She was like in a Mac commercial. I was like, go Tracy. But did you see the video where they asked Cynthia? The response to the video?

And that was funnier than anything. Talking about the nails and being like tension. Because neither of them knew what was going on. But both were like... I don't know. It felt big. So I started like crying. And then Ariana was like, I just wanted to be there. And she goes, I don't know why I started tapping.

So it was like, do you be there? It was just like overly done. Big thing. but everyone was playing into it and didn't know why.

And Tracy's such a great interviewer and like a kind person. So I could tell what she was trying to say, but it just was like came out. And it just was such a great moment. And I love that Tracy's embracing it and having fun with it. And they are, too, because it ended up really big for her. Yeah. Yeah. So it was very fun to watch. Yeah.

Meredith and Heather was not there. Brittany was not there.

And there's even t-shirts with the nails and the finger. I want one. I want one too. Did you watch Wicked? Are you a musical guy?

It's really good.

If you like musicals.

Yeah, you need to take power. Yeah. It is long, but that was okay with that, just because I loved it so much.

I love musicals.

But my wife does not, so she would not have enjoyed it.

She didn't go. She said, go with your mom.

Go. Be. Do. Not with me.

Yeah. But I just... I think anyone who loves musicals probably loved the movie. Okay. But if you didn't love musicals, maybe not. I don't know.

I will say I'm not usually like you. And there were moments in this movie where I went, holy cow, that shot was incredible. And I'm not usually a person that's like clocking cinematography. And the cinematographer is a female. Alice. Yeah. That's incredible. And there were shots where I like, it kind of caught my breath a little bit.

I don't even think, I don't, maybe, I don't know, but there were shots, like, I don't know what they did, but there was, like, slow-mo at times, and the stuff behind them was, like, so incredible. It really caught my eye in a way that most movies don't.

The opening scenes of this field of poppies.

It was a movie that made movies feel magical again, which hasn't happened in a while. For me, at least. I haven't watched a lot of Avengers. Maybe that's what guys feel. It's like Endgame.

The original bootleg. It is on YouTube. I'm obsessed. That's so funny. There's a lot of wicked rabbit holes on TikTok right now. The peacock special. Is TikTok really going to go away?

Oh, really? I would have just assumed you were a TikTok guy. What does that mean? No dancing for you? Or you're not doing the... He's doing the apple dance.

It is a easy place to get sucked into where all of a sudden you've wasted two hours and you're like, how did that happen?

For under 16. Yeah.

I don't hate that.

I don't know. But I definitely think we'd all have a lot more time on our hands.

from the higher ups.

But what, again, love my favorite.

On my website, fortunefeimster.com. I'm doing some fun California shows like Pasadena, Arc Star, Ontario. Oxnard, Ontario and Irvine where I'm like working out new material so it's kind of a fun like peek behind the curtain before I start the big tour and when you're like working like you're truly working do you like preface that when you go out and be like hey I'm gonna like really just I'm

I advertise it because I want people to know that this is me telling stories. I did one in Charlotte a few weeks ago, and people really enjoyed it. It's a very intimate setting. I don't do clubs anymore except for this, so it's cool in that way. I'm talking this close to people, and they even can ask me questions at different points. It's very interactive. So it's just a different experience.

And then when I start the theaters in April, those are like 2,000 to 3,000 seat theaters. And I'm just talking to you.

So it's just different. But the theater tour went on. It's all on sale now. And I'll be going many places. This is just like a drop in the bucket of what's on sale right now. It'll be another year and a half tour of 100 cities.

Yeah, taking care of biscuits.

I do not cook. Are you a good cook? Yeah. Oh, what's your thing? Are you like a griller?

I can't do any of it.

Cheddar baby skits. Yeah. Those are tasty. That's not cooking.

It's warming up. I have burnt some things like that, so it requires some skill.

That's true.

I'm so good at warming up.

My mom can't cook for anything, so I did not have a good teacher.

I mean, she only had one dish she could make, a barbecue chicken and a can of corn. So it got to the point, though, I was like, I never want to look at barbecue chicken ever again in my life. But also things would expire and she wouldn't check the date. And so my brother would start smelling the food after a couple of bouts with some stomach stuff. And she's like, stop smelling the food.

And he's like, well, check the expiration dates before you cook. Times have changed. Yeah. So it was a wild time. But my grandmother was a good cook and she would feed me quite a bit. Too much, actually. Where I was like, if I was upset, they would just shove food in my face. I'm like, I feel better now.

Thanks for having me. And if people want to see if I'm funny or not, check out my Netflix special, Crushing It.

Yeah.

you like in married and married life and baby life really embracing dad husband mode i can't believe like i know we're wrapping it up but first being exposed to you on the bachelor bachelorette i met you at heather mcdonald's yeah uh podcast yeah that's right and you watched like the first time i saw you in person yeah there's like hold on and then she jumped into my arms yeah

Okay. Fair enough. But she was invited.

I wanted to do that, you know, how the Bachelor, the girls always run and jump. And I did that to Nick and broke his back. No, you were very strong. He held me like a baby. But yeah, it's so cool to just see you evolve into husband and dad. And I love watching your journey.

Yeah, we got crushed ice. That's how successful we are. That's the epitome of success.

Or at least her mom. Okay, but what happens? So she pulled up to the house and saw it. Yeah, she goes to the house.

Yeah. Do you think Jo's proposing? So she called her mom. She called her mom and her mom called the police.

What should she do?

Yeah. Like maybe the burglars aren't upstairs. They could be. But she should go up there.

We've all watched Law and Order. We all have our scenario in our head of what would we do. I just always thought Olivia Benson would always be there.

I need a Detective Stabler to be there. Okay, if we're kidnapped, if we're being held hostage, if someone breaks in, like, here's what we're going to do. And Olivia's, here's what she would do. I would probably also call my mom. 100% I'm calling my mom. I'm out.

But unfortunately, Sutin, we've moved on to other things.

Am I fat? Am I thin? I don't know. Why am I shaped like an hourglass? Why is my face so big?

So to be fair, it's not that you called me a bitch.

One of, one of the girls.

But the Kyle party line where she's like, well, Garcelle wants information about Kyle, but we know nothing about Garcelle. I mean, who's Garcelle sleeping with? I know she had a roster back in the 90s. That was good.

And Erica's like, oh, God damn it, this hurts.

I knew we were friends. I knew it. I knew it. And now everybody does too.

satin so she goes to bed and then jennifer tilly comes to comfort satin and she's like would you like a good and plenty and there's a couple with some hairs on them there's glitter on this one i don't even think i have glitter in my suitcase at the moment i need a moment alone please i need to take some time to myself for a second listen

And she's like, oh, God, there's a hole here somewhere. That's what he said.

She's like, oh, come on.

Okay, you want this too?

Come on.

Be careful, my little lamb.

And so Erica's like, well, you pose as a friend and oftentimes work.

And so, yeah, I guess she had a scene in a bathtub and she was like, I had an English boyfriend at the time and you know how the English are, you know, he said, but you're going to be naked. And I said, no, I'm wearing bubbles.

the women i don't think kathleen turner was spreading misinformation about kathleen turner because why not it's it's wednesday what's your lie about her i don't think so but i mean i have no idea um uh she's like i used to wake up at five in the morning and put on makeup and go brush my teeth so you would wake up thinking i'm perfect

Well, in the moment, Sutton meant that she wanted to have a sisterhood.

I don't know. Is this what's going to happen to me now? We're having the best divorce ever. That was really holding on to that. Now I might lose that.

Well, if you think about it, what he's banging someone else, Kyle, come on. I don't have to connect the dots.

Well, I thought it was that lady.

One ringy, two ringy, got a little sticker. Okay, Kathy, relax.

Sorry, Kyle.

She's like, um... How do you get tea out of people? Have I done that on this show? Could you give me an example?

I don't generally eat lunch at my house.

Well, you know, it was a compliment about PJ because, you know, when I met him, he was just fat. He was a fat person. And then, you know, he lost weight. And so the next time I saw him, he looked like, you know, when babies come out of your surrogate and they were like really just small and shrivelly and kind of bald.

I just wanted to ask you this. Based on what?

Shady's fun, right? It was shady. It was fun. It was just fun.

And I said, que? When she apologized again, I said, por favor, necesito mas informacion.

Ashley Savoni. She don't take no baloney.

I bought a house. Beach house.

So Chris is like, so how are you feeling about today? Are you excited? And Kathy's like, well, yeah, I'm enjoying the chicken. It's very good.

Do they have chicken? What's this conversation going? Could you hand me that olive oil?