Katie Nolan
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
That is a scented marker from elementary school. You get high off the... You get too close to the blue or purple marker.
I love that because I'm getting like- I think it's like the, almost like maybe the brown. Remember the brown one was always like, what is this?
Could you picture it on someone? Because to me, even though it's making me think of a marker, if I'm picturing it on someone, it's a very older woman.
Yeah, I mean, same, working in sports.
Like, not to have, and obviously the bacteria of it, but remember how nice it was when you would sit?
Yeah. Which, kind of nice.
If this is a cologne, I'll eat my hat.
Don't use it. It puts f***ing holes in your brain, okay? You're not going to whip it? No, because it puts holes in your f***ing brain.
Yes, yes. And they moved a pillow and a billion cartons.
Little shell casings of little CO2 cartridges.
Mina.
I mean, the number five podcast on the sports Apple chart. It's just because it's based on new subs.
There you go.
I was like, you're our future. You're our brightest. You're our best and our brightest.
Do not like. Back in the bag it goes.
No, it's not Britney Spears. No, it's not Britney Spears. That's not Curious. I've worn Curious. You thought. I thought. Why is it in the full box, you guys? No. Am I thinking of a different Britney Spears fragrance?
Wait, is the Curious Love in a pink round bottle with little green dots on it?
That's the one I wore.
I loved Britney Spears. I love Britney Spears.
You're talking about me? A romantic?
This is such a small bottle. Like you're getting so little actual product.
Are we rolling on various things, Patrick? Oh, wait, one last thing before we start, you guys. The Invisalign's done.
I would say this is 40 bucks.
35 bucks.
A genie bottle, but it's, which, you know, Christina Aguilera. But it's very like angular on the ends. It's like almost like a clamshell. It's blue, light blue.
30 milliliters, tiny little guy.
Maybe. It kind of does look like a cartoon diamond.
It's definitely a Walmart thing. What do you mean by that?
Pear is there for sure.
Like me.
Those are my three favorite Disney princesses.
Frankincense and pink psilocybin.
I'm going to say $30.
I'm now unapproachable. Please don't approach me. I'm too hot to talk to you.
Finger on the scent pulse.
You are talking to me about something I don't care about.
Oh, my God. You won't shut up.
It is. Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back.
It's tough to put near your nose.
This guy had got one of those apes.
It's just too much. It's too much.
It's a coked up business pitch. It's like, dude, I think we should talk about investments.
I hope it's like, I just hope it's an athlete I don't like.
At the top where you push, where you inflict damage upon, it says CR7, but it kind of looks like it says cry, and I love that.
Spread cheeks. How much? What are you guys saying?
Thank God. Okay, Cristiano, you win this time. Oh, get it out.
Oh, my God.
Contain it. Where's the bag? Contain it.
Oh, my God. It is on my fingers.
Oh, don't smell my finger.
Oh, it's cinnamon. Oh, it's spice. Oh, it's all spice. It's old spice. It's pungent. Five spice.
Okay, but then on the back, it's like sweet and almost floral. In the back, it's like...
Baby got it.
Yes, it holds you nicely.
This is nice. This smells expensive.
You try a hat, but you might take it off halfway through because you're crushed under the weight of it.
I think I quite like it. I reserve the right to say I hate it once I see whose it is.
I'll put it in the bag because we cannot have another breach.
I do think that's nice.
What is it?
We nailed it.
We nailed it.
Yeah, that's a really good fragrance, David. I quite like that.
Spice. What did the first thing I said when I smelled it a bunch? Spice.
Posh spice, I said. Wow. This is posh spice.
Oh my God, I do love this. Should we take a look at the bottle?
I think we should do this for our living. I'm canceling my podcast and I'm starting it. I mean, that just looks like cologne.
Oh, I think it was... Oh, Michael Jordan's tequila was terrible. So bad.
Classy box. Posh Spice.
Even nicer in the bottle, if I may say. Oh, yeah.
I think it's Bergamot, but don't quote me.
Okay.
Yeah.
Cardamom.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, we had LeBron tequila.
On that floral note, I'm going to say this is a $60 to $70 bottle of bourbon.
Are we way wrong?
Is that a bad?
Yeah.
We got pretty drunk, yeah. Charles Woodson's we didn't like.
Oh, boy. This is something else.
That's cinnamon.
That's heavy musk.
Sometimes you gotta pop out and smell fragrances.
Okay, that is really not getting less strong.
It's becoming more... It smells like a woman wearing a suit for the first time. It feels like the first time a lady ever was like, women can wear suits as well. That woman wore this perfume.
It smells like a shoulder pad, a big gold button.
She can. Let's see it.
Yeah.
Gob smacked.
Okay. Gobsmacked. Oh my God, Tom Brady. I thought it was Chris Brown. I don't have my glasses on. How light-skinned is Chris Brown? No, Chris Pratt. I don't think about that other name. I don't say that person's name.
First of all, Stetson.
Yeah.
That's where my friend went to college. Stetson.
Yeah, I think it was. I think vaguely that I remember that it was. I don't. It was one of the first things we drank.
Experience a true original. Stetson. The legendary fragrance of the American West. A rich, masculine blend. No. I don't know about that.
Baby, baby, baby, no.
Tonka bean?
That's what you get at Tonka Bell.
It feels like it's enveloping my tongue. Does that make sense?
Wow, sexist again.
I want this to cook for me.
This smells like how I remember that Britney Spears perfume smelling.
I don't think they would do both.
It's fruity in the back. You get that like apple.
It is. Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back.
I feel it on like all sides of my tongue. This is good stuff.
All right, guys, marry it. Why don't you? Jesus. Simps.
It's not going to sleep with you. Sorry, I'm just being people on the internet when you're nice to a lady. Hope she sees this, bro.
No.
It's light.
aspirational alpha desires yeah okay because I look at Pablo and I think of his alpha how alpha I like it I like it a lot Pablo's mad I can't make eye contact with Pablo while he smells it everybody it's making me very uncomfortable look at me no it's nice it's light it's floral it's fruity this is wonderful it's almost like a peach or like a
Soft. Soft as baby s***. Jennifer Lowe. This is me now. This is us now.
She's not a bitch. When I puked it all up, I didn't even taste that.
She popped out recently. I want to say it was something political in a brown outfit that my jaw was on the floor.
That's nice.
Very beautiful. Very beautiful, very delicate. That's why you can't make eye contact with her when you see her.
Yeah.
J-Lo, you did it again.
Right. With my fiance, Dan Soder, who is a weed expert.
Soapy.
Yeah. It smells very soapy.
We all know this about you.
Very funny man. Thank you. I'll let him know. And thank you. I made him this way.
Unisex, it feels.
And why isn't it called Will Levis Stinks?
Will Levis number eight, Hellman's Parfum de Mayonnaise.
That's so funny.
So it doesn't smell like mayonnaise. It wasn't supposed to, was it? Like, I don't.
Ah, there you go. You should take it. Can't add to cart.
How much of it stays, would you say? Because you don't want to get caught carrying this much. You could get in some real trouble.
Is it supposed to smell like mayo?
Drinks mayo?
They had no business trying as hard as it did.
They're mussy.
They're mayo, see?
No, absolutely not.
Very nice, very delicate. This feels like a lady to me.
Enigma.
It's like a woodsy... I have such a headache from this.
Just to be clear.
When you picture perfume, you picture this smell.
I liked it more at first than I do now.
What is it? Driven by Derek Jeter. What?
It's an Avon. It's another Avon jam.
Yeah, and he's a snooze fest.
Yeah, was the best. Which we, I mean, we knew that.
We can't take that away. They won't let us.
They won't let us. But if we could, we'd revoke it because of that sh**ty perfume.
Just really boring. Not my cup of tea.
Yeah, Jeets.
Yeah, this is those Steve Madden ads where they used to make their heads really big and their bodies really small.
Has no sense of smell. Was very upset today when I was leaving.
Yeah.
This is youthful. This is exhausting me just to smell it.
I'm telling you this is Britney. This smells like the Britney Spears. I know I'm going to keep saying that.
It's not as bad as they're making it sound. It's just very bright, very sweet.
Good instincts for you both to be repulsed by the scent of a child girl.
Good job doing a great job.
He said, tell Pablo I said hi. COVID knocked it out completely. So now it's like gone. But he also insists his taste is untouched. And I'm like, that's not possible. What I know is that I trust his agency on his own senses. And he tells me he can't smell. So he's not here today.
I can picture it bullying me.
I am scared of it.
It ends really, really sweet. The more I'm sitting with it, the more it's like...
You're a 12. This is Taylor Swift, Wonderstruck.
That tracks.
This smells like a Taylor Swift concert. This is exactly right.
I don't think she was a full-blown capitalist yet.
How much she would sell it for, I will say, that size bottle?
The travel size bottle is $9.99.
She's been a full-blown capitalist the whole time!
That's egregious.
That's interesting.
That being the most expensive and the smallest size, other than the Jeter one.
This sits outside in a folding chair and whistles at me.
This is an Elks Club.
It's kind of like deep. It's kind of like the back of my nose.
And it's like earthy and woodsy.
Oh, I hope it's Terry Bradshaw.
Me too, actually.
I think I'm giving it credit for being different. It's very different than what we've smelled today.
Limited edition, 2024, made in France.
Yeah, I thought he was America.
I thought America first.
Oh, my God. The amount of money. I was looking for the profile notes.
Oh, my God.
Mine says $200.
Now, let's go. Is anybody here really good at math and conversions? I want to end the show. This, if you took the amount that Taylor Swift had in hers and you scaled it up to this size, is that more, does she charge more per drop than he does?
Happy January 6th, by the way.
And I guess... I guess, Katie... I found out Taylor Swift charges more per drop of her perfume, or did, I don't know, than 45, 47. Is that what we call them now? Is it 45, 47? How do you even... Do you get both numbers? Did Grover Cleveland get both?
It's between... Beckham and J-Lo, I think.
What did you learn today? What did you find out today?
Nice. That wasn't on there.
No, that'd be nuts.
I'm going to find you that picture over in the outfit.
What else could a man named Rodrigo do for a living?
He's got a smell.
100%. All right.
Nothing.
Don't wear it. I don't wear perfume. I guess girl cologne.
But then again, the man, the object of my affection can't smell. So what am I wasting my time smelling all nice for?
Yeah, exactly. But I think I like know if I like the way something smells.
Not afraid to say it.
Okay.
Are we doing it like they do at a counter where they spray it on a little thing and then they waft it in front of your nose like that?
It doesn't feel it.
Oh, this smells like my dad 30 years ago.
Sorry?
Okay.
It smells like dad. It smells like aftershave dad.
It smells like dad camp.
This smells like a family function that I have to go to and give a lot of hugs at.
Yes.
A little because it has this like, here we go.
It has this like depth in the back end of it. It like dips down in a way that you're like, oh, there's.
There's more to this than meets the eye, nose, ear, or throat. Yeah, that's.
Should we put these back in the one bag?
Or do we need to keep them for context?
And we can never go back and smell it.
It's like lunch.
Did not do it.
Okay, yeah. Did you say it smelled like dead dad?
Oh, wow.
Yeah, it smells like longing.
Listen, guy sucks at tequila, but...
It's fruity in the back. You get that, like, apple... What'd you say? It's fruity in the back.
Now, when we did the drinking-based podcast, we had a drinks expert. Do you smell for a living?
Yeah, that you could put your thumb in. That's actually quite nice. I would definitely be holding it that way while spraying it.
Seedy needy. That's fun to say.
Fir?
Okay. Well.
That's all I smell I'm learning. All I get are the bass notes because the musk.
I think he did. Did you describe what top, middle, and low notes were?
Thanks.
I love that.
It's so cheap.
Good. That smelled awful.
It smells like shit.
That sounded cheap. This is a crocus cologne. Damn.
That's right. Oh, my God.
Is this like Maxwell House?
Is that what you were doing just then? I thought you were like sneezing in a weird way.
Yeah, number two.
Both vaguely.
So it might be, does that mean it's perfume, do you think?
This is like I'm reading Red Book magazine and one of the pages is stuck together because of a perfume ad and I peel it off and it rips it open and I'm like, ooh.
Yeah.
Okay. All right, Pablo. Shout out Victoria's Secret. It almost smells like a perfume that is by a celebrity that I know of, but I don't think it's that.
I said sweet.
This is... It's florally, but like not really. It's like lightly, it's almost like a gardenia.
Wow.
Excuse me.
This may be for boys.
This is Seahawks perfume. The color of the liquid is green unless that's the glass. Nope, it's the liquid. It is Mountain Dew colored.
Also, good question.
It's so crooked, too. It's like every part of it is leaning.
I feel like I've heard of this podcast, but it's not made for me, is it? It's not a girl.
All right, gals, here we go. These are wet. These are all wet. I don't know where to touch these because they're all wet.
Yeah, Christian Bale. It's like Independence Day, but old.
What's that from?
Ja, natürlich. Ja, natürlich.
Yeah, remember it. That did not stick around.
We go, well, that's correct.
If you will. I won't, but somebody will.
Oh, great. Because it doesn't matter. It's really kind of tertiary to the point.
Of cereal.
Crispinatics. He's addicted to the Crispin.
Crispin and... And the other one.
Crispinus. Crispinius.
I didn't think so.
Oder nein, ja, ich denke, es muss gut fühlen. Seitdem Pimple-Popping-Videos zu viel wurden, seitdem sie wie Zyste entfernen wurden, bin ich so, das ist nicht, wofür ich eingeladen bin. Ich wollte nur, dass jemand so leise poppt, wie ein Bunch of Shit rauskommt. Das ist jetzt, wofür ich in den Horsen-Videos gehe.
Ich will nicht vielleicht Blut sehen. Ich will nicht sehen, ich will nicht, dass es gruselig wird. Ich will nur, dass du diesen Horsen von seinem Guck verlassen willst.
His gunk, his get it out.
Yes. You think it's over and then they get to scooping.
Should we talk about Uncrustables?
Okay.
Are you introducing another video?
No, I think he brought two.
Hell yeah.
Look at the size of those. Yeah, regulation. A question first. Why is he out of breath?
You've got to imagine, right? Because that man's tired.
You want it to be shown, now look, this is how hard this is going to be.
Are all water bottles regulation? Are they all the same?
The openings to them?
Now, I have to apply pressure to that to go in.
Why, of course?
14 hours a day of screen time. Never once.
Red Bull's teaching people how to shoot?
Dornen.
Krone von Dornen.
Ja, weil es interessant ist.
Er versteht es. Ist er falsch? Also geht das ein bisschen weiter. Ich wünschte, er würde eigentlich sagen, ich habe es da falsch verstanden. Ich habe es falsch verstanden. Ich dachte, ich habe es falsch verstanden.
Ist seine Hand auf Feuer? Ja. Er ist... Oh mein Gott, er ist in Vaseline gefüllt, was ich verstehe. Es ist ein schwieriges Visual, aber... For those just listening. Don't ever do this, but watch this.
I'm actually for it. It may seem from my tone I'm against, but I'm pro. I just wanted to better understand the business.
That's a good question.
Oh, cool.
You did. My fault.
Have you noticed people are so afraid of saying females now that they won't even say like female athlete. They'll say woman athlete. And you're like, well, that's wrong. It's female. You can say it as a descriptor. Just don't call them females. But that's too complicated. What were you saying? I was having a side thing.
Great.
Great.
Understand that fully and never need to. Are we going to start shooting? Do we shoot?
Ich verstehe es jetzt.
Kindlich.
Es ist eine glückliche Welt von Haribo. Soll ich einfach auf die Seite steigen, wie er es macht, bevor ich schiebe?
Leute, ich bin lethal.
Wie viele brauchen Sie, um Ihren ersten Schuss zu nehmen?
Kobi hat das nie gemacht.
Ich denke, ich hätte den falschen Namen gesagt.
Ich habe es schlechter gemacht. Ich hätte es für dich vermischt.
Es geht um den Loft.
Swish. Der Angle war richtig.
Wie sie es tun.
I bought this in the Catskills on vacation this last week. It's short-sleeved, but long.
Es ist so seltsam. Oh, wir sind ein... Wir sind eine Sicherheit von diesem Ding. Aber es ist so seltsam, wenn Leute erklären, oh Mann, du bist in New York City. Ist das furchtbar? Ich bin so, nein.
No, but we're deep enough now.
Oh look, it's the Detroit Pistons. And here they are. We must be on the three.
You thought I just had a blanket on.
You're listening to Giraffe Kings Network.
Es ist eine der Dinge an New York, die ich liebe, nämlich dass die Leute wirklich keine Scheiße geben. Nicht einmal.
Now I'm wondering if people on the train thought I just had a blanket wrapped around me. This is a full sweater. It was sold to be worn. Not even like a blanket.
Weißt du, was ich meine? Mit einem heiligen Ausdruck von Selbstentwicklung. Klar. Ein bisschen wie, ich bin der große Deal auf diesem Train.
The Uncrustables story.
Oh my god, no.
It was made to be clothing. And I bought it at the world's largest kaleidoscope in the Catskills. We're gonna immediately start googling this world's largest... I don't want to slander it, because it's like a nice little operation that they got in a silo on the side of the road.
Wow, wow, wow, it's a gummy bear zamboni.
Wow, okay, elitist.
It's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that has the crust taken off, almost as if you had a circular cookie cutter and you put that around and just basically took out the crust. circular center of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sealed the edges almost like a dumpling. And then they freeze them.
And then you take them out of the freezer, you let them defrost, and then you bite into them and it's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The New York Times slash Athletic did a story about how many Uncrustables the NFL is eating. They got reports from 24 of 32 teams. So eight teams, right? That's the math on that. Eight teams did not share their Uncrustable data.
One of which being the Patriots.
I have no idea how many Uncrustables the Patriots are eating. It says, based on the information collected, it's safe to say that NFL teams go through anywhere from 3,600 to 4,300 Uncrustables a week. Holy... When you factor in training camps and the teams that did not share their data, the NFL as a whole easily goes through at least 80,000 Uncrustables a year.
Denver has the highest reported consumption here. Weekly uncrustable consumption across the NFL, 700.
I mean, they're ahead by a lot. The next closest is 320.
Yeah, people say. Do you toast it straight out of the freezer or do you defrost and then toast?
Straight out of that freezer. I'm going to take a bite out of this.
Wow, you're making it seem awful.
Yeah.
I love these. Here's my thing. For the average person, the only time this makes sense to me as an invention is with an NFL team. It's a bunch of people who need thousands of something made. You don't want to have to make a bunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But for the average Joe, no, I don't want them. Take it. I'm the kind of person that will even... Take it.
I didn't read any of the stuff, but the lady was like, you can read right here, the next showing's in five minutes. I didn't. I think it's like mirrors that go up into the tube of the silo. You are at the bottom, and they built this little contraption where you like lean... Sie zeigen den Windows-Musiker-Screensaver und die Fenster reflektieren es zurück.
Ich mag es nicht, pre-bauten Sandwiches zu kaufen, die irgendwo sitzen, als Sandwich gemacht worden sind, mit Kondensierung auf dem... Weil ich denke, Brot sollte nicht mit dem... mit dem Stoff verhängt werden. Meine Mutter machte mir immer Peanutbutter- und Jellysandwiches, die, als ich sie zum Abendessen bekam, das Jellys durch das Brot getrocknet wurde. Und ich dachte, ich will das nicht essen.
Es riecht wie ein Plastikpack.
Oh my god, it's disgusting to listen to you talk with that.
My mom also figured that out eventually. What I don't understand is why you need it. This is something that was not cost prohibitive, making a peanut butter and jelly. Whenever I was at my hardest times, that would be most of my, I'd just get a thing of bread, get the peanut butter, get the jelly, and then you had the stuff you needed.
Right, while building my own But why would you need it to have this... Because you're a smart gal on the go.
Instead of an unk crustable, it's an aunt crustable.
Yeah, that's fine. Cut the crust off.
Because I think unless you freeze it, I think the crust serves a purpose. It's like, why don't they make skinless people?
Me too, because I'm an adult.
Yeah, also Uncrustable
Idiot.
Kid was definitely not taking SAT prep.
Just finding out.
Acquired by Smuckers. Those f***ers. Every time I hear Smuckers, I'm like, that sounds bad.
I keep rubbing my knee with you. It's such an uncomfortable place to touch another person.
And pants.
And pants.
Gauze pants.
Während es das tut, ist eine Frau mit britischem Akzent, die sagt, komm auf eine Reise in den Raum, wo wir lernen, wo die Menschheit geboren wurde. Kein Vergnügen, und ich hoffe, dass jeder, der dort arbeitet oder involviert war, seine Kreativität hier herausstellt. But like the quality of the screen could have been better.
That Red Bull hires people, pays money to people who will teach other people, Dwight Howard, to female athletes that you said very quickly.
Oh my God, Ally.
Teaches them how to shoot. I did not know that.
Misinformation was spread?
So he's just on the payroll. So I found out nothing. He's on the payroll for Red Bull.
On like a retainer. Okay.
Yes.
What did you find out today?
There were a couple moments we went, ooh.
Five bucks.
Also, it claims to be the largest, not the greatest. That's right. It was the biggest kaleidoscope I've ever seen.
Oh, afterwards there were like little shops all around. So Dan and I were like, we came all this way and that kind of blew. So let's take a look at the clothes. But it was nice to go shopping and go, oh, I can only choose from these five sweaters. And I like this one. And then I bought it. Instead of going, I want a sweater. Let me Google sweater. Let me find any sweater ever sold.
Let me decide how much I think I should pay for a sweater. I just was like, this is the price, this is the sweater, buy it. I also bought these pants. They're made of gauze.
The shirt's from Amazon.
They're great. Sometimes I don't hate God's pants. I guess I don't know any songs. What if gauze was one of... On my pants.
I'll be down here.
I didn't know he had that in him.
Not that we would know.
If there even is a world.
Imagine it all just goes off without a hitch and everybody goes, well, that's that. Let's check out this big kaleidoscope.
Yeah, yes.
Yes, okay.
Oh nein, es war du.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's why it works. I have become emotionally attached to a video of Björk from the 80s, late 80s, I believe, taking apart a television and describing the parts inside of it. And there's just something about Björk that she's just got this... Wundervolle Kreativität, die natürlich in ihrer Musik hervorgehoben wird, wenn du Fan bist, was ich bin. Aber sie ist auch nur wie ein Kind.
Hm.
Ja, es ist sehr dick. Es ist ein sehr dickes... Oh, ja. ...TV, bevor sie sie flach gemacht haben. Und dann wurden sie kürbisch gemacht. Sind wir das noch machen? Ihr Haar sieht so aus, als ob sie das erst mit dem Unpluggen versucht hat.
What's the gummy bears for? Why is one of them rogue?
I think the crust serves a purpose. It's like, why don't they make skinless people?
Should I take my teeth out now? Are we going to be doing eating?
Whimsy.
Anthropomorphizing, I think.
We're gonna fact check that. She just drops a bar at the end. We do have to get to just the last part. It's a bar.
You shouldn't let poets lie to you.
Suck it up.
So it was wrong. The jury is still out.
Ja.
It's the way she... Her understanding of it is enough for her. She makes it make sense to her. And then she's like, I can explain it to you how it makes sense to me. And she's not worried about making sure everybody understands it. And she's not worried about being actually fully correct.
But she's like just coming from a sweet place of curiosity in a way that I don't think... I mean, now you just... Google, if the word you said was wrong.
23 aus 26. Ich habe drei mehr. Okay.
It does look like a city. They look like little buildings. She's absolutely correct.
Yeah.
I know.
Oh, I'm with my family.
Ich mache 26 Tränen. Also, jedes 10 Tage swapfe ich für einen neuen Tränen. Ich komme näher zu meinem Ziel. Und es gibt 26 totale Tränen. Und ich bin auf meinem 23.
Kid said that.
It feels like the early version of the Korn Kid.
I want to be clear. I was given mine back. I didn't ask for it. He gave it back to me. So I didn't turn it down.
But I don't pay for it.
Yeah, well. Not gonna buy themselves.
Ich schiebe sie sofort raus. Das ist ein Verlust. Das erste Mal, als ich das versucht habe, als ich das gemacht habe. Wir könnten das verkaufen. Nein.
What? What? All right now. A wooden spatula.
I'm going to go with nothing. Oven? Oven. Hey. What are they going to do?
No thanks.
When I said it at home, I was like, let's go, Pablo. Putting it on you. Big. Big.
Big. Putting it on you.
My... Specific. Good answer.
My lovemaking is comparable to a potato masher.
You got to get this one, dude. Come on.
A microwave oven because it's quick. Like a microwave oven.
On brand, too. Good answer.
When the questions and the answers started coming in and we saw how dumb, they're dumb. That's not elitist of me to say. They're dumb questions with dumb answers. I think that's just accurate. However, because I'm competitive, when we started losing, I pivoted to this game is dumb and I hate it. It's for idiots so quickly. And I feel like we all did.
Did he unbutton another button during that answer? I think he did.
That's four hours.
This is so stupid.
Green. Look at him.
Very simple. Train your sleep and become a morning person. With the Galaxy Watch 7 or the Galaxy Ring and the Samsung Health app.
You got this, Pablo. I believe in you, Pablo. Now, listen to me. Listen to me. That's right.
50 out the gate. Yep. It's a big leaf, he says. And good specifications.
I love that. I love that so much.
Why? Yes! It's still exciting.
Oh, my God. Pablo's little, like, what was that? That was a seawalk.
Why?
How can that not be? How can that be no spouse? How can that only be wife?
Her birthday suit...
Every time.
God.
Yeah.
Something I think about a lot is the invention of the mirror. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Screw that person. And if it hadn't been for that, you wouldn't have to. We wouldn't have cameras.
The thing I think about all the time is, like, if you got a haircut in the year, like, you know, six, would you just have to, like, go down to the lake and be like, does this look good? Be like, no, nobody f***ing splash.
Actually, you're who's making this up. I'm rubber and you're glue. Your dad had an emerald mine.
You're bad. And the thing that's so embarrassing about it, because it is so embarrassing, is you don't need this lie.
It doesn't help you. Just leave it alone. Just be the richest man. But what it makes you think is how you do anything is how you do everything. So if you're lying about this, this is who you are. Someone who is so... profoundly incapable of feeling loved that you have to jump through. And I'm also, oh, and, and I'm also the, I'm the best pole vaulter dead. And I'm also the best at checkers.
What if you look at each other like that? Yeah, exactly. And then you're Narcissus. Yes.
You're not bro. Just leave it alone.
It really, it's like, it's so pathetic to me. It's so humiliating. And I have so much sympathy for someone that pathetic and unloved, except that he's got the hands on the levers of every bad thing in the world.
It is perfect. It's just perfect. Just what an incredible, like a little, a soupçon of racism just to kind of... And you know what?
I don't know anything about gaming. So, like, maybe you do if you want to be the number one ranked player in f***ing Pervert 5 or whatever f***ing game you're playing. You might need to have ten guys get together and all be, like, trading their masturbating points to get to the top of the thing, whatever it is. But you should just be honest.
Just be like, you know... That, the thing is that... And also, sorry, sorry, just one more thing. He sucks, though, right? Isn't that what we're finding out? You're not one of the, it's not you're, like, one of the top guys in the rotation. You suck.
He's a liar. He's literally a cheater and a liar. His excuse for it also is such a window into his psyche that's like, well, everybody's cheating. Not everybody. No. You think that because that's your nature.
He's like a perfect character for our time, though.
He's literally the avatar for all of civilization right now.
German chemist? German chemist. How late is it? I'm surprised. It had to be early. This feels like one of those things where if we look it up someplace else, they're going to be like, a Chinese dude invented this a thousand years before. Admittedly, I always have to say this now.
I read an article in the New York Post, absolutely amazing publication.
Had to be real. About a trend, also must be a trend because the New York Post says that it is. Two people have done it online. About women doing something called labia puffing, where you take a filler or like Botox or something and inject it into your labia to make your labia look younger, I guess. Puffy, certainly puffier.
I believe that. I guess I don't... What I thought about it the second that I read it is I don't think that most men, and maybe you're not doing it for men, I don't think that most men get to the point in an encounter where they go... You know, I wish the labia looked younger.
I think at that point, you're mostly like, I'm actually really enjoying myself, and I'd like to keep going in the direction that I was going.
A very long time. I've been married since 2008 or something.
Okay.
So you think that porn is so, like the culture is so infected.
This is like how some people don't like Kendrick Lamar. You're like, this is my that. Yeah, this is a hinge category, I believe.
Isn't there, sorry to interrupt you, but also wasn't there recently a, like, scrotox? Isn't that also a thing where the dudes are injecting the... You guys are killing my... Scrotox? My Google search history. Scrotox? Where are you getting this information? A beautiful portmanteau.
I think to make your... Less veiny? Or maybe less... droopy or I don't know what.
McGill University has backed this up separately. I'm putting him at...
I had pretty bad TMJ, so I got Botox in my scrotum to kind of fix that. And now that jaw's basically good.
I'm talking about, well, it was jaw, chin, chins, but that made me think of, I had recently read a thing in the post about labia puffing, which made me think of a thing that I had also recently read about scrotox. And you can sort of, from this, tell what the algorithm is doing to me.
Right. So the jawline thing.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Yeah, I'm posting a lot of. Yeah, you should make your sacks bigger.
Bigger.
So wait, what was the jawline thing? The jawline thing was guys getting hardcore jawlines. Like, you know, like taking fat from the back of their.
Like Matt Reif. Matt Reif's in the article.
That's another Jeopardy. This is Price is Right.
He was on Wildin' Out.
You said you didn't read this article, but you're reciting every detail of the article.
As it feels like it. Which is what makes you feel like it's not true. Because I feel like you actually literally could not do that.
If it was your car.
Right.
I would say you went kind of insane for a minute there. You sort of did a thing where I think you were like, I don't know that much about this, and then proceeded to give us, I think, from birth, every detail about Matt Rife. You were speaking in tongues at one point.
I guess it would be like, look at me. Right. And then be like a sort of that.
Yeah. Like find a picture of me on the internet or like look at me right now. Pause the video right now and just be like, okay, so it's kind of.
There's no way.
People would pay, I think, a million or a billion dollars, they're saying, for this.
To look like me. They'll do the whole face, yeah.
You're telling me none of those people, King Tut, none of those had a mirror?
But I think the thing that you've alluded to that does happen frequently that we all know is you start with the one thing and then you're like, ooh, you know what, I gotta... And then you fine-tune too much.
But what ends up happening, as you're saying, is you buy, you've got your f***ing s***y house that you live in, and you put a f***ing fire couch in the living room, and you're like, the rest of the living room looks like s***.
So now we've got to f***ing redo everything. Exactly.
I voted you. Thank you so much. I voted me too. Right.
Are you doing a Don Draper sales pitch for mirrors right now?
Yeah, I like how the direction we've gone in, which is, like, there's sort of these various pressures on women. Instead of being like, we're going to fix that, it's like, you know what we'll do? Pressure for everybody. Everybody's problem.
Or maybe they had reflective surfaces that weren't mirrors. Is that possible? I don't even know what that would be.
Yeah, I'm realizing that this is... So he's been talking about his penis size for a long time. And somehow...
And I think that's wonderful. I think it's great.
Whatever size it is, I think it's great.
I didn't know about all these fun games you could play about the Diablo 4 and the PoE 2 and how you could be a... Oh, maybe I said the thing about a forest mage.
Do you think his estate gets a nickel every time you look in a mirror? They should. Every time you look, you got to send a nickel to Eustace's estate. Okay.
It's something I've been thinking about a lot. I should have made that my topic for the day.
Yeah, those are my initials right there.
My wife got me one, I think like as a semi-joke, and then I wore it every single day.
Yeah, not available in stores. No. Available in stores.
You could probably hire J.Crew to put the same letters on it.
Promo code Eustace. Right, exactly.
Yeah, I'm actually a pretty f***ing interesting guy.
Yeah, well, I'm pretty f***ing interesting, Katie.
So you'd be like in the city of the Super Bowl, but...
Middle. What do the other ones do?
It's me with the volume off. I'm telling everyone else to be quiet while I sing Les Mis and the Super Bowl's on.
Okay, Jordan. Look at how it's spelled. You're right. I like saying it like Jordan because it feels like she's from the Superman universe. Like Kal-El. Jordan.
So this is just Cameo City, right?
And wasn't the brother removed from public view for a while? He sure was. He's coming back in the Dunkin' commercial?
What was your reaction, Michael, when you saw Jorda? I was watching the Super Bowl with my wife, my daughter, and my daughter's friend. Shout out Lupe. And my son was at a Super Bowl party. This commercial came on. I screamed, that's his girlfriend. And the three women I was with were like, what are you saying? What are you talking about?
What if I can make it only me and none of them? Can I just not hear them?
And every time they showed her, I went, that's his girlfriend. And I had to explain to him the significance of it. But I was like, he's this age and she's that age.
She's a third. It's an even third. Boom, boom, boom. Right up there. There's a guy who has two kids. Three Jordans makes one Bill Belichick. The fact that she's here.
Absolutely good for her. Go get it, girly. You're feeling the phone calls.
Lord knows what it's like being Belichick's one-third-as-old girlfriend. Negotiating with the athletes.
Right. This is actually really interesting intel.
If they're both there for the wrong reasons, isn't it the right reasons?
I believe mathematically speaking. Yes, two negatives make a right reason.
I feel like there are micro abrasions throughout the lens. Oh, you're gonna have micro abrasions like crazy.
Like, do you think their relationship is a lot of Bill being like, how do you get the internet on here?
Hey, can you tell me how to get texts on my phone?
It's like when your dad gets an iPad. I wish we were in the writer's room for that, for the Jordan material. Yeah, Snoop, if you're looking for writers for the next time you host the whatever that was. The NFL Honors.
And yet... Not me, buddy. I don't need it from anyone.
I'm very comfortable with my own skin. Not a single person. Self-sufficient emotionally and psychologically.
What's that?
Kennt ihr auch diesen einen Freund, der morgens einfach so ruckzuck aus dem Bett und danach aus dem Grinsen gar nicht mehr rauskommt? Der sogar noch vor dem ersten Kaffee unverschämt gut gelaunt ist und mit der Morgensonne um die Wette strahlt? Furchtbar. Ekelhaft. Wie kann man nur so... Ausgeruht sein? Ganz einfach. Trainiere deinen Schlaf und werde auch du zum Morgenmenschen.
Holy moly.
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Oh my God, a nightmare. Oh my God, a nightmare.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, a nightmare. Oh, my God, a nightmare.
Okay, so first you think he's naked. Off the bat, you think this guy's naked.
Hair a little must.
He is very shirtless.
Okay, so he's still topless. Absolutely yum yum delish.
And I would say he looks, and this is sort of normal for our guy, Bill, he looks kind of disheveled. Even if you saw another man at that exact same age in the exact same state, Bill has a little bit of disrepair to him. I do love the birds chirping cheerily in the background.
What are we to make of this now?
Are we allowed to be terrified by this? The idea of just a guy in Germany who's like, I can find you wherever you are.
I'm allowed to be like, I'm a little bit sweaty?
Okay.
I certainly won't. He's a handsome, handsome man.
I bet he is. You're just lying. You're a hunk, fella.
You went to the town.
You've been to this house.
If you show me a ring cam video with you.
I think I'm starting to smell bad. I'm having a special sweat that smells, I'm having a bad smelling sweat.
I'm getting the box.
Should I put the box on the table? Yeah, I think so. You should open the box. I should open the box? Yeah.
If this is Bill Belichick's shirt, I'm walking out of here.
Okay, do I open this? I've returned to the microphone for our producers. Okay. It's taped hastily. I don't know how scared to be, but I'm definitely a little bit scared. So what are you holding, Michael? I'm holding a box for a Ring camera, which sounds like it has a Ring camera inside of it. You may open the box inside the box.
You'd think. I think your work is kind of more than done. You have exceeded the bounds of what I would consider your work. Michael, I tried.
Yeah, his detective work also, I really enjoyed him being like, it's the farmer's tan, it's the OTAs. That's a fan. You know what I mean? That's a real fan.
And then that video is on the loose, bro.
I'm sorry about that for you.
One of the amenities at the Airbnb is we will catch your ass.
I'm looking at a picture of the crowd at Gillette Stadium. So there is a thing called a fan cam.
Going back, like, you could do this for... I don't know. I don't know how far back it goes. It started, it turns out, on December 14th, 2014. Wow. Seven years ahead of when we would need it. Huh.
The Panopticon.
So... I'd like you to flip to your next. This is like when David Blaine like eats a thing of glass where you're like, how did you do that?
And he's like, no, you know what I did? I just did it. Yeah. I actually did that thing. The thing that you're like, no one would do that. I did it.
We are way zoomed in on this fan cam. Is that?
And the statement said this, quote, While Jordan Hudson is not an employee at the University of Carolina Athletics, she is welcome to the Carolina football facilities. Jordan will continue to manage all activities related to Coach Belichick's personal brand outside of his responsibilities for Carolina football and the university. End of quote.
And Katie Nolan has observed. Yeah, and it's the same jacket, but the jacket's all pulled up so you can see her face a little better.
I mean, based on my understanding, which is extremely thin compared to the two of you, of how Bill Belichick operated as the coach of the Patriots, Patriots Bill Belichick would probably fire UNC coach Bill Belichick.
All right, so carefully worded, especially given how quickly they responded with that.
When I'm in the comments, what I see is a thousand, Pablo and Katie are such a great couple or whatever. And I'm like, I'm also there.
Okay, here we go.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
He's going to be in a ball gown.
Vaguely, but I know that it exists, but I'm not sure that I've seen it. Thank you for being the control group.
Oh my Lord. Please narrate what you're seeing. Well, I'm seeing Bill Belichick, topless, coming out of maybe a screen door, I'm not sure, on like a ring camera. He's maybe on the back porch. It looks like, is this a walk of shame?
All good questions.
Were you at some kind of an event? Or is this just how you... Pablo's very famous now.
Are you guys familiar with Rainbolt? Yes. It's like the guy who, like, you can show him a picture of anything, and he's like, it's exactly here.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
A side story here is that there is Wi-Fi at 18,000 feet in Nepal.
This feels dangerous to me. I don't want to have a relationship with people who can do this.
This is like when Tony Soprano's like, here's a hundred bucks. You just take it. You're like, no, I don't want that, man. I don't need that money. Something bad's going to happen to me.
The amount of times I've watched him be like putting highlighters in a wrestler's hair.
you can customize your wrestler and he loves Kenny Omega.
And so there was a game that did shut up.
One time that I came out and he was putting highlights in Kenny Omega's hair.
No, it was absolutely Kenny Omega.
I watched you stress over this Kenny Omega. Yeah, because that... is going to take you from me. Anyway, if I've gone into annoy Dan, if I feel I've gone into annoy Dan too much, then I'm like, no, in this thought, I shouldn't let it go. That's when the notes app comes out. Cause that's when I'm like, maybe later when I don't have anything to say to Dan, I'll tell him this.
Like I ever opened my notes app later looking to tell you stuff, but there's a lot in there. What happens when you die to your notes app? Like, legally. Does it go to Dan?
Can you?
You're going to want to.
There's good stuff. I think there is good stuff in there. I also think there's garbage in there. Oh, yeah.
I doubt it. I bet if you went back and looked at your notes app, you'd be like, there's a premise that I should absolutely be.
You're listening to DraftKings Network. Hey, stop thinking about getting up because getting up's not an option, Myrtle. Once this starts, you're here. You're locked in, you fat sausage. Are we rolling? If there's one thing I know about this podcast, it's always rolling.
I do it every now and then, and when I do, I get a couple good ones, and then the rest, I'm like, I thought you needed to write that down.
Yeah. It does do that.
It's like it fires the bouncer, I feel like. So that like more gets out. And a lot of times you were stopping yourself from letting out the thing that was the idea you needed to get to. But you were also stopping a bunch of bad ideas. And those are also coming through. Yeah.
It does make me evaluate my day.
Which is crazy because I bet if you polled every single person who's ever met or even just perceived Dan, if they're mad at him, I'd be shocked if 1% was.
This weed rules.
Leave this weed.
Drop the weed, Pablo. This stays here.
Fair enough.
Right.
Have you met him?
Yeah.
It's really good weed.
Which it was a great grill. The fat dripping off, I can't believe nobody thought of that until then.
Yeah, it is a perfect college.
Was he heavily involved in the actual ideation or did he come on afterwards?
Did you see him blow him a kiss?
Weird.
Weird behavior.
I always think that objectively and then no one ever hears it objectively. Is it European?
Is Trump European?
I didn't know there was one either. George should change his name from Foreman to Poor Man. To hurt.
Exactly.
George Foreman, the grill maker.
Did they come out in a conga line from their little holes?
Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
Was this your roommate that sold drugs? Yeah. Okay. It makes more sense that way. At first, I was picturing just a regular guy. I'm like, why don't you start without stopping?
Have a... Because you were supposed to break it the next week, but you were going to be on the road.
This is reversed, but you're not going to need that.
You're looking at the... Oh, my God. No, he can't be me.
Pablo can't listen and play video games.
I don't think I took enough of this weed. I don't think I smoked enough of it.
Yeah, you did.
No, because we switched controllers exactly for that reason.
No, now you're on the left. Now you're Queen Teensy. You're me now.
Oh.
Oh my God, Pablo.
I mean, Pablo, is this not the greatest?
Which, again, you weren't originally. You were right at first.
I guess.
What that meant... Can I tell you now that we've known each other forever what that meant?
I don't have a person to buy weed from.
So I only smoke if you're bringing weed. Got it.
You know?
And he brought weed.
It's like a break so you can take a sharper turn.
Oh, Pablo, that's twice.
That was twice you got specifically into my way.
I thought so too. And then I watched and I was like, my goodness.
We used to play four seasons against the Bucs.
They're fun. They're certainly fun.
Sure.
Mello is just little nuggets.
Yeah, you got beef. You got real beef with Melo.
When he bites What's-Her-Face.
No, I'm thinking of Terry Hatcher.
When he bites her lip.
I missed you.
Oh boy, not the Legos. Do you want me to move them? I can move them.
I built this and it works. Can everybody see it?
Look at that. I've made that.
Give it up for me. Oh, I was just joking. That was so cool. But it broke just then. Guys, did you really do that? They did. Okay, everything's going to shit. It's all falling apart. I broke it.
Well, where does that go?
No, I should have built it better than that. I took it. You guys do a podcast. Let me sit for a minute.
Okay.
Yeah.
No, I didn't.
I was over here.
Who did that? One of you is a cheeky.
One of you is real cheeky. I'm going to get to him. Yeah. That's it.
For all of it, actually, while we have you.
Yeah, same. Here's my thing, because I don't think I've given a single review yet. I'm high, so they're all good. I'm not, like, noticing once I... Are you guys doing that for the magic of podcasting? Should I be like, the mellow is more of like a... I think I'm just later in my high from the first one.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
You look sleepy. You noticeably look a little. Do you want to put your head on a pillow?
That couch pulls out if you need it.
After Dan plays college football, I saw you noticeably go, well, the Bible can't stay here.
Okay, your game froze like four times yesterday, and you were very mad at it. So maybe we don't act like it's the greatest thing that's ever happened.
And you didn't, and they both are still here, and they're being used in this. It was the number one reason I was worried I was going to lose one, because I'm like, we're doing a podcast here. But it's been frustrating. The game is a little glitchy, and it'd be nice if they... I had a game with...
So now what he'll do is he'll come out and go, in case something goes wrong.
My running back has 200 yards in the first half.
It was nuts. He'll give me a stat line and be like, just in case something goes wrong, you should know this kid really had it. In case the game freezes again. And he's like, he like files it with me like it's history. In case anything happens in there, four carries.
They're like joints dipped in more joints. And you're like, I don't think.
Two in the country.
Now that he does, it's probably not going to exist anymore.
And Lorne, of course.
His face tells me you came up with a good idea, but that was not the idea.
I don't know if it's just in my head. It tasted good. I was like, mm. Mm-hmm.
No, you're not.
They were all good.
I don't have a negative thing to say. I don't think I smoked enough of Magix because I was like, hey, Katie, this is going to be a lot of weed in a short amount of time. Maybe on the second one when they take two, you take one. Just one this time. So I don't know if nothing happened, but I never felt bad. And so nobody gets a ding in their record.
And as much as me, lady who doesn't know anything about weed and doesn't smoke all the cool weeds, these ones are all okay.
How much of it stays, would you say? Because you don't want to get caught carrying this much. You could get in some real trouble.
But it's very funny that you showed up with a bunch of weed, and we smoked it. This is how it should be. You're the best dealer I've ever had, I think is what I'm saying.
Records everything you do and publishes it as a podcast.
I sense microphones in the room.
I feel like I'm being watched.
You're not leaving with one of them.
And if you want to fight that, I wouldn't recommend it, but you could.
If I say, sick them, she'll come lick you and see if you want to take her, if you have any treats.
It's got to be like her Manchurian candidate word.
He came in and he was like, I was smoking like I used to smoke. And then they left. And all of a sudden I'm on the train and I realized I'm alone. And I'm very, very high. Yeah. You looked very, you came in like the world had just happened to you. It was very scary.
No, that's just a word that she physically, her ears will go from like, I'm a cute dog to like, I'm the cutest dog you've ever seen in your whole life. She'd get little pigtails and she's like, oh my God, you should give me a treat. And it works sometimes on mostly him. Yep. Because she gets so cute. But I'm like, damn, you really know that word. I didn't train you that word.
But we said it and you knew what came right after it. So you'll simp for it. And she does. She does. This weed is good.
It's hard not to. I'm loyal. I'm a loyal bitch. So I would pick Gary Payton, who reliably always gets me fucked up, including the time that he handed me a pint glass of Jack Daniels with a straw and ice in it.
Real Gary. He was asking people what they wanted to drink and his eyes got to me and I was like, I don't think I was supposed to be in this group. But I said, me? And he said, yeah. And I said, I'll take like, I don't know, Jack Daniels. I panicked. thinking he'd get me like a Jack and Coke or like a Jack Daniels. And he turned around with a pint glass with ice.
And it was like, I don't know, it was dark where we were. So I thought like, maybe this is just a tall Jack and Coke. I took a sip and I was like, that is Jack Daniels. It was just a pint glass, ice, Jack Daniels.
We haven't made one of those yet. You're going to make a Cheetos pizza?
So it was Cheetos slash pizza-wise?
Van Leeuwen?
Oh, we should make you eat that. Like a bite of it.
It's so good. And you're high. So I think you'd really like it.
Please don't.
Please let... Also with this background. You gotta give Pablo a piece of that? It's wild.
Ah, just feed it to Megan. Here you go. Yeah, you just eat it. Yeah. That's good stuff.
Oh, you didn't unroll it and lick the insides out?
It's like cutting a blowfish the wrong way. Oh, you just cut through the skin? Well, we're all dead.
Isn't that nice? Life is good. You know? That's one of the things that when we partake in it, we both look at each other and go, look at where we live. Look at our life. We are eating. It was delivered to us. A Swiss cake roll.
We could get whatever we want right now, and we don't want a lot.
Unless you need to shave your legs.
Yeah.
Nice.
So he's back.
He has our favorite in his hand already.
Like when cops seize it.
The best one.
Yeah.
It's so funny being in your own house at 9.30 at night in your comfy clothes doing a podcast.
Yeah, and how many weeds do you have? How many weeds? We're going to smoke 18 weeds is crazy. Have you guys ever had—
And so he has signed off on that? Undoubtedly not. Okay. I thought these were like the athletes are cool with it. Because I assume Gary Payton's cool with Gary Payton.
Oh, this is what we have. I thought you had like so much more.
Oh, okay. This makes me feel so much better. This whole time I thought we were doing like 17 of these.
I was very worried.
Yeah, this isn't going to go well for me. I don't smoke that much weed throughout the night. I like to smoke weed at night, but I usually do like a hit or two, and then I'm good for an hour or two. And then maybe I'll take another hit if we're doing a Rocket League tournament. Yeah, it smells good.
He's told me, he's convinced me that if it smells good to you, it won't give you a bad high. If you don't like the smell of it, it will give you a bad high. But if you... like the smell of it, you'll be fine.
Yeah, it's great. That's actually exactly how Myrtle sits on it.
That's why we got rid of that. One of them was named after a perfume once, and you were like, get that out of the house. I do not like it.
These are the things that under our roof, Pablo, you just have to accept are the way that things are.
We still go by it.
Just to be clear, the dog's not doing any drugs.
Don't call PETA.
She's just here. She's on her own drugs, actually.
That's right. So we're starting with Pac-Man?
Yeah.
Honorable mention. Mm-hmm.
We're going to find out. We're hoping she kind of just is chill about this.
What the f***? No.
Yeah, she does. When Dan goes away and she misses him a lot and somebody in the street smells like weed, she reacts to them like, is that dad? It's like, no, it's just another person who smokes weed.
I'm not his friend, so you could have brought that with you for us.
Right.
Yeah, I don't see why that's happening. It feels kind of like a selfish decision. It's okay, but we let you into our home. That's the difference between... Feels like you could have left us with a little bit of Heisman as like a parting gift.
Oh, that would have been great. That would have been great. Next time we should script your entrance and your exit.
Well, I hate it.
Okay, well, so we smoke usually. We lean out the window of our office. You know, New York City apartment, the window only opens so much.
And you blow the smoke out because we don't want to get kicked out of our apartment. We like it here.
We have the capability. I suggested that we play Rocket League because that's when I know if my high is hitting. And we have the ability to do that here. So it's an option.
Okay. Myrtle's like, and I'm going to take a nap.
A nap man Jones.
I can tell.
Yeah.
The pipe is... Zoom in on it. Can you guys zoom in? And there's so many cameras in this tiny apartment right now. Very overwhelming.
Yeah, I like it a lot. I like it quite. I'm really sorry for my behavior in this podcast. The eating on mic, I would hate it too. I'm really sorry.
You have to understand I'm in my apartment and I'm really high. And that was what I was supposed to do.
That was the assignment. I understood it.
Yeah, you don't want to meet the Katie that is not, hasn't had any food. Violent. High on nice weed.
No.
Usually I curl up into a tiny ball.
They're like, so Katie's in bed.
I don't cry unless I'm like having a bad one. And that's happened maybe three times to us.
I'm trying not to chew in the mic. No, you've seen me twice. Definitely at least twice. I was so passed out once.
Let's get high and talk about when it goes bad. Always the best way to make sure it goes good.
Oh, that's if Dan's in the other room playing a video game that I've already annoyed him a couple too many times. I've already come in and gone, hey, so I was thinking about, and he's like trying to, I don't know, whatever it is you do, college football, put pants on wrestlers.
Wie kann man nur so... Ausgeruht sein? Ganz einfach. Trainiere deinen Schlaf und werde auch du zum Morgenmenschen. Mit der Galaxy Watch 7 oder dem Galaxy Ring und der Samsung Health App.
A real muckraker. Steven is a muckraker.
We really asked him that.
Hey, sir, does your book tend to make people horny?
Yeah, mine also says, can I say that?
Exclusive with two underlines, embargoed with stars. That's, I think, probably because I have a podcast.
Legal though it may be.
No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
So you're saying that she's protecting that information because it's in fact embargoed?
That's thrown out the window. Do you think I need you to tell me what defenestrated is? I was doing it for them.
Who among us makes him doesn't listen to him, you know?
Said, hey, you were in severance for 30 seconds. I was just wondering. Whoa. Whoa. 30 seconds.
That's why you're allowed to be here. We're paying him a lot of money. We're even pretending to listen to you because of the star, how much he's a star in our eyes.
Oh, she added like script idea. It wasn't just she'd be in the background of the shot we saw.
Okay.
No, no, no.
Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. It's like when you give a kid a controller for a video game and you play it and you go, you're doing great.
Look at you go. Yeah.
I got goosebumps. That's a real nightmare.
I'm embarrassed.
Yes, yes. Unfortunately, I now feel bad.
I hope that footage is destroyed. If there was any. I hope there isn't any, and if it is, I hope it was destroyed.
Please, Pablo.
Oh, thank God. I was, I believed him.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to look. It'd be like the, the salt, salt bath, whatever that scene was. You guys don't do.
As a momager.
Oh, no.
Oh, God.
28,000-year-old dildo, that's what she calls Bill.
How? Jordan. How are you not aware? You need just... Everybody knows this trick. How are you not aware?
I actually believe there's studies that have shown it's like important for human society to have that. Like gossip and such. Now there's that.
Yeah.
That's pretty tough. That's really tough. And you're saying that didn't get out.
Yeah. Are we ever going to go back to the part where nobody around Bill spoke up? Because I do feel that's a neglected part of this story in that we do seem to love, especially as an online public, we love a woman to put everything on.
And while I'm not in any way saying that Jordan is innocent or anything in all of this, it does seem like a number of people were in a position that could have gone, hey, this isn't cool. But they were so much more interested in their access to this power that they let it get really bad and are now like crazy, right? She's nuts.
And you're like, yeah, you could have said something a long time ago and helped your supposed friend by telling him the truth of what was going on here. And now you're leaving it to us.
Yes.
And that's what I'm going to say. And I will say, self-awareness, I am on the other end of the spectrum. That's good. I have made people very mad at me.
Yes, by the other end of the spectrum. And they're here today. Bring them out. No, I have a tendency to be a little honest in ways I don't notice are uncouth until they've been said. So I think it's a good friend is to say, I don't know how to tell you this, and I might not tell it to you right, but I don't think what's going on here is on the up and up. I would say at least that.
Well, and I've been saying that for years. Yeah.
And that is?
Which is funny because I've noticed people online have started calling her Jordan. And I said, Pablo led the charge. Yeah.
Oh boy. End quote. Am I allowed to know the gender? I can't, of course, know the gender of who said that, but it does inform.
Ginger or cinnamon or... Or even baby.
Yes. Fair. Totally fair. Agree with.
What are you so afraid of?
I was just going to say YouGoGirl as a joke. That's what it says.
I almost jumped in and went YouGoGirl. That's crazy. That's very funny. I'm so sorry.
Oh, no. I'm so glad you asked. Oh, no. Is it for old souls?
Okay.
And good for him. He's of age. Plenty. Yeah.
This producing.
Right, and so that's the herbs and spice line. Once you hit that, you really end on the story. We've hit the KFC threshold. That's right.
What's his deal?
Should I keep going? Oh, no.
Is he all right? The guy loves wine. How many stars did he give that one? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Drinking it while he was saying it.
Okay, Pablo. Okay. I don't think he was. That's alleged.
Oh, my God.
Wow, beautifully done. It's like you guys had worked on that, and I'm here to say they hadn't.
Just in case. No offense to my guy.
Why is everybody, including me, giving it four stars?
Okay.
P-Town.
Gay. Very LGBTQ friendly.
Very LGBTQ plus friendly.
Play safe, exclamation point, free condoms.
Okay, so what I'm looking at here is it says there's a sign on the entrance door. I'm looking at a photo of the entrance door, and it appears to have a sign on it. And the sign reads, quote, In June, the US Supreme Court declared that any business may openly discriminate against their patrons.
In response, Toys of Eros will no longer sell rings to humans who feel entitled to make choices for bodies other than their own. Toys of Eros will no longer sell anal plugs to people who support the burning of books. Toys of Eros will no longer sell dildos to actual dildos wearing MAGA hats.
Please note, drag queens, daddy bears, cocksuckers, bull dykes, I don't want to say that one, F-slurs, trans folks, muff divers, non-binary gender f***ers, and in general, queers of any and all sort and their enlightened allies, both capitalized, E-A, E-A. will always and forever be welcome at Toys of Eros.
I love that. Yeah. Oh, wait, I flipped ahead. Sorry, I'm not supposed to flip ahead.
That's right. Okay.
In what room? Informative plaques about penis sheaths made of gourds and worn by the tribesmen of New Guinea.
The museum also contains historical artifacts, such as the electric cage, which you can see here. My God.
Yeah. Just dangling. And a cage, a slinky.
This is from around 1945, just to place this in time for you.
That's right. That's important. It used electric shocks to prevent masturbation and wet dreams. I would say we weren't at a place with electricity by then that I'd be ready to do this. You know? I'd be like, you know what? We basically have it figured out.
It might work in that you might lose your dick and then you can't jerk it.
Right.
Last but not least, a prehistoric 28,000-year-old dildo made from camel dung? We had to put shit in our pussies? That's crazy.
Okay. Thank you. Actually, that does make a lot more sense. Thank you. I am so, so sorry. After saying I was an ally, how dare I?
Dung dung ditch.
Well, that's something.
And that's just sort of where it belongs anyway. So you're kind of just putting it back. Exactly. If you think about it. Honestly, this was a much needed release. What a journey through history. I'm so glad we're not talking about the other stuff for just a second.
Oh, no.
Wait, can I make a quick joke? 28,000-year-old dildo, that's what she calls Bill.
They heard it. They knew. They felt it.
You shouldn't be injecting anything in anybody without a license, I think.
I learned, and I probably already knew, so I guess I feel like I had confirmed for me, just how many people are willing to turn the other way on anything and be completely emotionally dishonest with their friend if their friend is powerful and can in some way provide something for them, or at least keep them close to power.
I was going to say cell phones.
Whoa. Holy shit. Real eyes, real eyes, real lies. Damn.
Dang, not in the building? A little flippant. I feel like that is what is done with a distraction, and a team is within its rights to do that when it comes to external distractions.
And if you win Miss Maine, what do you get? Well...
Surely a sash.
I assume you're jumping ahead to the next step, whereas if she doesn't win, this could turn into some sort of political stance. I'm just saying. I don't have the patience for that chapter, if that's where we're going. Same way I feel about Stephen A. Smith potentially running for president. I'm jumping off the roof of my building before we get to this.
Oh, of like, oh, they said you can't come.
I would love to have you there. Oh, my God.
Donnie's on my back. Bubba Cunningham. Is that his name? Bubba Cunningham? Bubba's, you know the way Bubba's.
Listen, Bubba's, he's tough.
Yeah.
That's really good. That's ours. Yeah, the most animated he's ever been.
Okay.
So they are conducting research.
Sorry?
I'm sorry, what?
Monetization is killing everything.
The clip that kind of went out and got the most attention was a clip of... Jordan interrupting and seemingly inserting herself into the interview.
And the question she took the most issue with from that clip was they asked him... Everybody in the world seems to be following this relationship.
It was very softball. Like, you are in a new relationship. We're seeing a different side of you. How did the two of you meet? Not talking about this. We're not talking about that.
A good PR person is not going, excuse me, hello, it's me, and inserting themselves. They're trying their best to smooth from afar. And they had an answer for that question.
The inside of her philosophy textbook or a psychology textbook? Which one was it?
Let me take these sunglasses off so I don't seem flippant about the subject matter. Your hair's voluminous today.
Jordan Hudson, 22, Hancock. Beautiful. If I may. Beautiful.
First runner-up is second place, yes?
Just confirming for my brain.
Thank you.
Shout out. Second day's the best day.
Getting close.
You taught math to kids. Really? With the embargo?
I'm sorry.
I was a vessel for that.
Start us cleanly.
Well, not that I remember specifically, but certainly I've mistyped everything.
Okay, so back where we started. We don't really know.
So it seems like the reason she's so sensitive about the book thing is because they didn't think through the fact that he was clearly talking to a 19-year-old, and now they're trying to cover that up.
Sorry. Why'd you invite me?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's just the same.
Yeah, you'd have to go out of your way. What a crazy little detail. On a phone, on a keyboard. Yeah. And it's like you'd hit the same thing. Right. Yeah. Oh my goodness gracious.
Like, what is this? How do you burn that? I can't light that on fire.
No, I think they grind them up. I imagine they grind them up. These are also the easiest part to just go like, and it turns to dust. So if I were cremating somebody, and maybe I will someday, I would grind up the teeth, I think, into a fine powder.
Guys don't want to earn. So I assume you're saying a person doesn't want to be cremated and put into an urn, and you're quoting something that already existed that sounded like, guy don't want to earn to you?
So it had nothing to do with earns.
We were just talking about.
Cremation and also separately earning, E-A-R-N.
You could lure him anywhere, I feel like.
Right. But I do think he'd be very easy to just tell him a couple things and say, it's okay. And if it starts to feel scary in there, nothing's happening. You're okay. And he would just, you know, sit there in that gas chamber that I just lured him into, and then boom, he's dead.
Wait, the hardest is Tony Gonzalez because he's connected to Bezos. And so he's probably got shooters.
Hey, thanks, Dan. I will say we're not on Sirius XM. We're a Sirius XM podcast, and you can get that wherever you get your podcasts. But yeah, it's fun. It's just, you know, I don't have to tell you guys what it is. You know what it is. It's just a show that's about sports, and it isn't really about sports as much as people seem to want it to be sometimes.
You know what I mean when you work in sports media? I'm not going to explain this all to you guys. I've been doing this to, like, outside of sports media, like the media rounds today. And so that speech is very different than the one here. You guys know what it is.
that's good i'll give you some grief you can eat so it was like um it was tough apple was tough it was a swing not to get into the baseball metaphor but it was a thing i tried they pitched me on it at first i said no then they came back and they were like we really it's we weren't joking we think you can specifically bring what you do to baseball and then after one game that wasn't what they wanted anymore and you know if you work in the media that happens sometimes you get
sold a bill of goods you say yes and then things change and you adapt but adapting in baseball is a lot harder than maybe other sports because it's not a sport that does a lot of change and or rapidness and so it was just sort of look it was a season I got to go for free to a bunch of baseball stadiums I'd never been to and watch live baseball from the best seat in the house so
You're not gonna catch me complaining like it was some sort of traumatic experience. Were people really, really, really mad and mean? Yeah, but I got back in touch with baseball. I love baseball like I used to now, which is awesome. I'll never be mad about that. And I also just think like,
yeah the the the podcast for me was like the la after baseball i took a little bit of time to just like all right let me not let me get out of sports for a second and like go back to liking sports as like a person who likes sports not somebody who likes sports and then the next day is gonna have to talk about them all because that changes the way you watch it and so i just kind of went back to being a lady that likes to sit at home and watch sports and talk about it with her friends and then was like
surely we can make a podcast of this. And so here we are. I just want people to have an in. That if they don't already know everything and they don't know the inside jokes and they don't know the references and they don't, they just can come find out on casuals and see if sports are for them because I think You know, Dan, I'm not teaching you anything new here.
I think we lean bro-heavy in our coverage of sports. And I think there are gals who might be interested in sports.
But who are turned off by all of the sleeveless tank tops.
It rules. It was so much different. I was like, oh my God, I can just like, if I miss a play, I don't have to be like, go back. If this is key, I need to know where were they on the field? What was the down and distance? It's just like, you're just watching the sport. It's like the emotional ride. The whole reason I loved sports in the first place is it's like human interest.
It's like happening live right in front of you. Nobody knows what's going to happen unless gambling money eventually. Oh, we're on DraftKings Network. Let me not say that. But like it's happening in front of you. No one knows. Everything's like anything could happen at any given moment. And we're all experiencing it. We all have this weird emotional tie to it.
Like it reminds us of our families and our dads. And it's like how we communicate with people we love in our lives. But it's just a sport. It's just like a silly thing, especially now with all the goings on. It's just like it's a thing everybody can love. And I feel like we're not helping enough people love it.
I feel like it's going to depend on who we're talking to, right? Like so a lot of people when they a lot of people are bringing fandom with them and we will figure out what their fans of and where their fandom comes from and what their connection to it is. And obviously, if there's somebody that Like if they're a Yankees fan, there's going to be some playful, fun tension there.
But we also have a lot of guests who like, you know, comedians who aren't sports fans, don't consider themselves sports fans. And we'll talk to them about like why that is. And like I always think it's really funny to get funny people's perspective on something that you know, but they don't because they always are bringing these fresh eyes and they're watching sports and going, why is it like this?
And you go like, well, actually, I've Never thought of it that way. Why is it like that? So that's, I'm hoping to have a lot of moments like that. It's just basically gonna be like, tell me what you're into and what you watch and why you care about it. And then like, we go through the news that was interesting to us that week.
Yeah, I've met a lot of cool people through doing this job. And then obviously my fiance being a standup comedian, I now, a lot of my friends are standup comedians. And it's just like an interesting,
group of people that I have a connection to from all these different places that I'm like why wouldn't I bring them in and talk to them about the stuff that I love with them in a unique way like Ken Jennings we're trying to get Ken Jennings because like obviously I met him doing Celebrity Jeopardy and I think it's fascinating that on Jeopardy
these really smart people always suck at sports categories. They just never have any sort of understanding about like the most basic sports questions. And I was like, what if we have Ken Jennings on and we ask him why he thinks that is and like what it is about sports categories and Jeopardy that like makes them not work as well. And then I was like, well, where else would that content come from?
And I don't know. So I made casuals so that we can talk about that kind of stuff.
That's nice of you. What was your question?
okay so what i've been saying to them is basically like um it's a sports podcast for people who don't listen to sports podcasts it's a sports podcast for somebody that's like yeah i know how sports work and i know them and i like maybe i played them when i was younger but like i don't keep up with them because i'm kind of bored with the way like it's not um
I'm making this for my sister-in-law, who I'll watch sports with when we're home for holidays, and we'll be watching the pregame show. And she's like, I'm sorry, can I put something else on until the game starts? They keep talking about the same four numbers, and none of those numbers matter to me.
And it's those people, the ones that are entertained by the sport, but the stuff around it, they're sort of like, yeah, I'm not... I'm not probably gambling on it. And I never thought I would go pro. So these numbers don't really matter to me. I just kind of would rather laugh. And we can laugh about the sport, but the laughing is sort of the important part.
And the main part of the pitch has been like, for whatever reason, sports is really siloed. So if you're listening to like an entertainment podcast or a pop culture podcast, it'll cover almost everything except sports. unless it's like a big sports story, like if Aaron Rodgers does something stupid, but they won't really touch on like, oh, and also we're in the divisional round of the playoffs.
And so I feel like people have a hard time getting just like basic level entertainment, sports content that isn't specifically sports content. You know what I mean? I feel like you're not bumping into it unless you're signing up for the other stuff. And so I want to give people just the like pop culture entertainment sports stuff. So you'll be aware of what's going on in the world of sports.
You'll be able to use it to your advantage small talk wise, because I think that's one of the best things about sports is you can just like talk to your door guy about their teams. It's just like a little connection you have with them. And then also, ladies, the men in your life, I feel like the emotional door to a lot of men is their sports teams.
It's just like where you guys are putting all your feelings.
The the Cut the TSA line meaning like how I would there be a riot if you jumped in the front of the line Well, it was so chaotic that the line like it was hard to tell where the line started So it was just one of those where it was like, oh, where do I go?
I would bet, I mean, I would bet Herbstreet.
yes but i i don't know who's missing like david pollock's not still around uh doing stuff off of off of the broadcasts is he i don't know no who's who's well the sideline's like molly so it's it wouldn't be molly she's too sweet also to answer your question that i skipped i've never skipped uh the tsa line i'll say i don't have tsa pre-check and also i have the thing where i pay them to let me skip the line called clear so i'm always skipping the line but it's like sanctioned in a sanctioned
The clear line was 90 minutes long. Oh, my God. I would just check. No.
That's how they got me. I was late for a flight at LAX and I was I ran in panicked. You know me. And and somebody was like, are you late for your flight and you want to skip the line?
and he was like it's gonna he's like walking me to the machine while talking and he goes gonna cost you whatever it is 100 bucks or whatever and i was like don't care fine let's do this
That's where we're headed on all things in the future. Everything. That's medicine, too. People are like, oh, I have a doctor come to my house, and it only costs. And I'm like, yeah, that's cost prohibitive to a lot of people. I don't think you can skip the medical line to get to your doctor. People are waiting to see a doctor. That doesn't feel good, I don't think. I don't think we should do that.
Katie, do you know anyone that spread their ashes at a sporting event? No. I don't know if I know anyone that spread, I mean, I guess I helped Dan spread his grandmother's ashes. Other than that, I don't. The wind is always a fascinating factor to me when it comes to spreading ashes. It's like you toss it, it comes right back in your face. Now you're eating your loved one.
Oh, my Dan. My fiancé Dan. Not Dan. I didn't go with Dan Lebitard to spread his grandmother's ashes.
I appreciated the support.
He's still got that little thing that bothers me that is that his... Those teeth he has might be the wrong size for his mouth. I do wish he would. And I Googled it. You can go back to the person who did them and be like, can you shave these down a little? And I think that that'd be in his best interest. I hear his teeth when he talks.
It's not Tom.
Ich weiß, ich weiß. Jeden 4. Juli. Ich bin wie Myrtle. Geh drüber.
We're waiting for the end of it all. And I feel like it's this big hype. And that's what gives us, you know, Tore V. Simmons. It's like we're all looking for something to do. It's too much time leading up to it. I disagree with it. I think we should dive right in. I know it's tonight, right? So it's like the complaining is over.
But this last week has been like, I've been watching the Red Sox lose by a run in a new way every single night. It's not good for me. I shouldn't be paying attention to baseball like this right now. I need my playoff hockey and I need my playoff basketball.
I know, but isn't that wild? Isn't that wild? Bill took such a swing to be like, I take issue with what Pablo's doing. And then we find out that he never even watched what Pablo's doing. It's kind of like me. The watch. Oh, okay. And is that a good or a bad thing?
Er hat einen szenialen alten Mann genannt.
Have a little respect. Let me apologize on his behalf. Let me apologize on behalf of Pete. I don't think he meant that. I think he knows you're a sweet guy. You were talking about the Oilers?
This is a fake tattoo. I have a fake tattoo on my hand right now.
It's an eyebrow.
Because I want to test how long it stays on. So I've had it on for a couple days. You know, if somebody were to lose an eyebrow, good to know, you can just tattoo it on now.
Pick a side. Well, it's not cowardice to call you out.
Ich glaube nicht, dass sie Angst hatten. Ich denke, sie wussten wahrscheinlich nur nicht, wie man ihre Landlinie finden kann.
Ich meine, du machst das, oder?
Maybe I'm wrong. I feel like this is what columns are supposed to do. This means your column did well. That people are reading it, they're annoyed by it and they don't like it. You did it.
Good to see you. Thank you. Bye, guys. Roy, you're the only Panthers fan I like.
Wir haben das nicht gespürt, wir haben nur den Stift bekommen.
It's a hug, I think. I think a human thunder buddy is just a hug.
No, it's good. Dan, you're right. It is fun. It feels a little removed from what I was doing before in a way that I like and I welcome. I feel like I'm back on the fan side of things and that's okay. Whereas before it kind of felt like, I don't know, maybe by... Well, let's do this. You are literally in your dad's basement. You are literally right now broadcasting from your father's
Meine Mutter und Vater sind immer noch verheiratet. Ich bin in ihrem Wohnzimmer. Ich kenne alle Leute, die... Kann ich S-Wörter sagen?
Ich kenne alle Leute, die mit mir online reden. Und ich bin in meinem Elterns-Wohnzimmer.
100%. Wir sind in einem, ich glaube, er nennt es Man-Town. Ich weiß, dass andere es ein Man-Kalb nennen würden. Ich weiß, dass ein Kommerz, der sich auf deinem Show wiederholt, es immer ein She-Shed nennen würde. Wir haben viele Boston-Memorabilien um mich herum.
No jerseys. I know that's an immediate strikeout. But we've got Bobby Orr diving on the wall over here.
Good guess.
Really good guess. Really good stuff.
No. No, we're not. It's embarrassing how little of a basketball family we are. I was growing up. No basketball anywhere in here. Golf.
No, we have, we've got like Yankee Sox fighting photos.
We have the glove in the face, that fight. A-Rod and Veritech? Yeah, we've got Tom Brady, the dynasty cover, where he's got his hands up.
Hast du das gesehen? Hast du Simmons vs. Torres gesehen? Selbst wenn wir herausgefunden haben, dass Simmons nichts gesehen hat, worüber er gesprochen hat.
Kannst du es noch einmal sagen?
I mean, Torre. I'm Torre till I die. I've sort of hitched myself to that wagon. I just, you know, I think Bill is being sensitive because he loves Belichick. And I get it. As someone who's had to sit there while Pablo reveals to me what he has in fact found out, a very stressful situation for a public... Patriots Fan. I've sucked it up and handled it, so I need Simmons to do the same. It's weird.
Pablo's investigating it. He's doing a fantastic job. So I'm Team Pablo. And I assume you are as well.
I don't know. I think it's certainly, you know, when the run that they were on ended and there was the conversations about was it all Tom or was it all Belichick. I remember having to go through that on your show, you guys making fun of me and asking me if I thought that it was all Tom or if it was all Belichick. And I like to think that it was like 50-50. Someone's calling our house phone.
I'm sure my mom is freaking out upstairs being like, she's on camera! Yeah, that's definitely what it is. I feel like I used to think it was more, I wanted to think it was 50-50. And at this point I'm starting to feel like it was maybe 75-25. I don't know.
Ich bin eine Frau. Ich sehe es anders, wenn ein Mann, der so alt ist, eine Frau, die so jung ist. Ich sehe nicht, dass sie perfekt in Liebe sind, was ich nicht habe. Ich habe keine Interaktionen mit ihnen gesehen.
Ja, aber ich gehe nicht so hin wie, wow, schau sie an. Sie hat ihn dazu gebracht, das zu tun. Ich denke immer noch so. Er wusste nicht, dass das auf Social Media rausgeht. Ich weiß nicht, ob er wusste, dass wir das alle sehen. Es fühlte sich an, als wäre es etwas Innerliches. Es scheint, als hätte sie ihn gebraucht.
Ich weiß nicht. Ich halte das nicht gegen sie. Mehr Kraft für sie. Wenn du das tun kannst, dann warum würdest du nicht?
Some sex is awesome. You're discounting how awesome sex is.
He went to the Airbnb where allegedly it may have, you know, the relationship was, and the bed didn't look big enough for it to be all that awesome.
Look at the tone on the legs though.
Ich sage nur, zeig mir diese Seite von dir. Zeig mir die beiden zusammen in einer Interview, sitzen neben einander, haben eine Konversation mit einander und dann vielleicht gehe ich so, wow, sie sind wirklich in Liebe, er hat die Hände über die Hände und er glaubt, dass sie eine brillante Geschäftsführerin ist und seine Geschäftsführerin sein sollte.
Weil jetzt sieht es so aus, als ob, wenn ein heißer Mensch spricht, Bill sagt, was auch immer du sagst. Und dann ist das, wie er sich gefunden hat.
Weil das eine große Teil davon ist.
Yeah, and here's the thing. Watching this, and I've tried to watch as few Panthers games as possible in this postseason, because truly, Roy, look at me. I hate them. I hate the way they play. I hate the way they look. I hate the friggin' mouth guard hanging out of Kachuk's mouth. I want to get that thing out of his face. I hate them.
Oh, es ist schön hier. Es ist heute 80 Grad.
And so I've watched as little as possible, but what I have watched was a game when you guys were down in the third period. A game I believe you ended up losing. The Wave. Also, you guys claim to hate Brad Marchand, and yet, you get him, and now you're like, oh, he's actually really good at hockey. No shit.
Vielleicht nur temporär. Maybe temporarily.
Schrecklich. Mein Hund würde sich überraschen.
We're not broken. We're fine. Brad's coming back. Brad's just there. He's doing deep dive. He's spying. And he's bringing back Intel.
Go ahead and embrace him. He's coming right back. He said he'd be right back.
It just is crazy to me. And if you guys, if Kachuck ever came to my team, no chance I'm rooting for him.
Stop speaking it into existence. They're not going to do this.
Are you renting like a venue?
I've never been to a party at Mina's house.
Nice. I love that irrelevant story.
No, it's not because it's not. It wasn't really a party. It was a wedding. Weddings are different.
But it's like they're not really. They're a separate thing.
That's one thing I did, by the way, that tells you that you have no evidence. How did you know she was hammered?
And she was saying? And she said?
Pablo, we don't say it enough, but I really do love you. I'm so proud of you. I'm sure it was closer to that.
That's great. That's ideal. People would pay for that from Mina Kimes.
Full backstory. It was Trump's idea originally. Was it not? Exactly. Because he's not the first person who came out and was like, I think we should ban this.
Right.
Yes.
And I have like 9,000 like disparate thoughts on it that like don't all... So number one, I think a lot of the narrative about TikTok is like it's just stupid dances. And I feel like we are glossing over a lot of the value that TikTok provides. Like I feel like... people were very, oh, I don't use TikTok. I'm not, I'm not a child. I'm not dancing on the internet.
There's a lot of people who like run businesses on TikTok. There's a lot of like interesting commentary on TikTok. Musicians that you would never have heard of that you know now because of TikTok. Like it's, it, It is what it is. It's a it's a social media app. It is a center for brain rot.
But it is also like it's it has it's let's not paint it with a broad brush and say that it's just like garbage. Like it's they all are then in that case.
I think the comment sections in my experience tend kinder. I think when they are mean, they can be very mean. But I do think my first reaction when I was first started scrolling through TikTok was that like, whoa, the comments are like hyping this person up instead of bullying them.
I will also say it's a place where like, I know that the government's issue with it mainly, as you said, Mina, wasn't the propaganda aspect of it, but... It is a place where you can hop on and share your opinion. And it's possible your opinion is being influenced by these opinions that are being put out there by people that have nefarious means.
You can see how it could be used, as any media could be used, to spread propaganda effectively.
Yeah, I think kids were born into a world where that's everything. They just watched an inauguration where the owners of all of the social media were with the president.
Right, and you're like, okay, so the government's always got my data. Kids care so little that when they got rid of TikTok for a few hours, they downloaded an app officially owned by the government of China. Yes. to replace it.
If I'm honest, if I'm completely honest, I think what I would miss the most is hearing other people's drama, drama that does not affect me, but that someone else is really fired up about. I would miss that. I would miss getting face to face. Like I've watched a lot of TikToks where I feel like I'm FaceTiming with somebody who I don't know. And they're telling me a juicy story.
And yeah, sometimes you're like, I don't really care what this is. And you scroll away. But there's like something to like an An average American TV. It just feels like... And obviously everybody's putting on some... They're presenting some sort of a something, so I'm not saying everyone's being authentically themselves. Putting on that eyelash filter. Yeah. But it was like...
Where you hear from just people. Anybody can upload. Anybody can upload and it can get enough traction and can go. Like I could just bump into the experiences of regular people scrolling through my phone.
No, I think there probably was machinations to it that I don't understand. But if you put up a banger of a video, it's going to get out to more people and more people will see it no matter who you are. So you could be a big account. But like my TikTok algorithm didn't have any of the like TikTok influencers that I know of through like people talking about TikTok.
But it had, like, just, like, Lola Young. I don't know if anybody knows her. She's a musician that I love from England. I never would have heard her music if I hadn't had TikTok. I found Dochi on TikTok forever ago. Like, that's just, like, that's where I, like, find stuff. The music discovery.
Mandy Reid.
Yes. Yes. Yes. She is, she makes those seven layer bars. That have the chocolate chips and the coconut. Yeah, yeah. That's what she brings to the bake sale. And she always makes more than enough. Like it's a good amount of bars.
Right. A five layer dip.
I'm getting that we didn't slide the slider over far enough. I'm seeing too much C.J. Stroud in this woman.
The eyes are a little different. I think they probably gave her some lashes or something and maybe made them a little bit more up a little like we do with our makeup, whatever that's called. But this is still just C.J. Stroud to me.
Just a touch. Flawless face.
No, I have memory hold this.
I was going to say, the way that Travis Kelsey was pre-Taylor Swift, I think, is also being memory hold. Just as a personality-wise.
Yeah.
Yes. Yeah, this person's name is Samantha. I knew that right away. I looked right at the picture and I said, oh, Samantha? So that's, I know that doesn't rhyme with any of his name in any way, but that's a Samantha if I've ever seen one. She's a coach of a women's high school team.
Mm-hmm. Or softball.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
Who is this?
What's his name? What's his face? Pablo, say his name.
I cannot tell.
Yeah, Dan Quinn. It's Dan Quinn?
That's Dan Quinn?
God, that's so funny.
Oh my God, so hot. I've seen this. So hot. Yeah, I'm going to go the other way on that. All of them are hot. It's not for you. You don't want to bang Patricia Mahomes.
Eager?
Is this hot male Mina? Because this is going to f*** me up.
Zoom into the face if you can. This is my brother. This is straight up. Huh. Interesting.
Why did it do that gray thing on her shoulder then? Yes, it is. Hold on. Is that true? Why did it do that thing on her shoulder?
I mean, look... It's weird because her right ear is hers. The left ear, it does look like you cut a picture and put it on her... Oh, it's her hair. It's trying to... Okay.
Which I, for the record, I'm not saying.
Oh, boy.
I mean, I'm actually, I kind of see it more than I've ever when I look at my brother and I'm like, we don't look alike. I kind of weirdly do see it here, but not a lot. Not a lot. But a little. More than I usually do.
It's also the same haircut I had my whole childhood. It looks incredibly... It's what it looked like for my childhood. Incredibly natural. Okay. Now that... I'm dating him. Wow. Hello.
Yeah. That's right. He wears a deep V and a necklace or two. Not bad. Okay. That's Dan as a lady. Okay, girl. Yeah. What a sweetie. Look at Myrtle.
It's her birthday, by the way. Happy birthday, Myrtle.
It might have. I think Dan looks cute. I think he looks like the, not the lead, but a supporting character in, like, a teen movie, like, Divergence or something. Like, one of those movies about, like, the world has ended and we're all teenagers. What do we do? Oh, my God. A teacher. My third grade teacher.
Pretty, pretty... I think there'd be similarities.
Is that what Dan wore that night? Or is that updated as well? Yeah. Did Dan wear that blouse with that jacket? She's like, look at me. Oh, my God. Pablo. Damn. Are you the hottest of all of us?
Yeah, I think she looks sweet. I think she looks sweet. Sorry, I won't be saying anything further so as not to incriminate my... That's a beautiful woman. I watch her do dances on TikTok.
The visual segment on the audio medium? Probably.
Yeah.
Out of your minds.
Bye. What'd you find out before you leave?
Hey, how's everybody doing? I'm dressed like Parappa the Rapper today.
Sometimes I feel something like that. Sometimes I just feel like this is right and then you leave the house and you're like, it was wrong. But you look like you make YouTube videos for children, right? Yeah, and I pretty much, don't we all?
But with black ears. It was white and black coloring.
Which is what completed the outfit. I did take it off before I got on camera, though.
We were talking about our kids. Children don't watch any of this. Yeah, but we're done now. We promise. Do you watch Miss Rachel? Is that what we were chatting about? Everybody loves Miss Rachel.
Pablo, what? Yeah, what are you talking about?
Right, right.
Let me see. Show me. Show me to me, Rachel.
That's hot, Pablo.
Yeah. Pablo.
No, you don't.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Because I like to miss that part. It's on purpose. It's by design. Get that shit out of the way.
You're the host. I just did mine. Wearing the same outfit.
Not on YouTube yet. Everybody's very mad about.
Mina's booked. Awkward because I'm booked. Mina's booked.
Oh, shoot. I'll make sure that we fix that.
I brought an article from The Atlantic because I'm fancy. I'm a fancy lady who reads The Atlantic. It was about how we're not partying enough.
Basically, you know, a conversation we've been having a lot is about how people don't have friends or we're not seeing each other ever since the pandemic or all these other various cultural factors are affecting how often we're seeing and interacting with our social circles. And this piggybacks off of that and says that that America is in a party deficit.
They cite the fact that Party City is closing, a place where you get all of your money.
Streamers.
Done.
The party, you could say, is over.
I know.
Yeah, it's like goodie bags. It's where you go to get all the little stuff to put in a bag that nobody's going to want.
Yeah, we did though.
Only 4.1% of Americans attended or hosted a social event on an average weekend or holiday in 2023. This is a 35% decrease since 2004. Wow.
Yeah, like, I feel like in my ideal world, it's, in a lot of ways, it isn't like this, but it's like Mad Men, you know, those, that party he throws where they've got that, like, remember in that era, the, like, sunken in living rooms that have, like, the little step down, and everybody just has, like, a cocktail. A conversation pit. Yeah, and it's just, like, sitting and chatting.
That's my dream, is if socializing meant everybody just came to my house, and we just sat around talking, and like watched and talked and mingled. But I also just feel like, and maybe this informs what's happening, or maybe this is just my mental illness, but I feel like inviting somebody over especially in New York City, is a cop out by me.
I feel like it's me being like, want to come to my house? It's like, no, of course they don't. They're in New York City. They want to go out to a bar or a restaurant. And I'm like, why don't you just come over to my house?
And like sit around and watch like sports and control the volume ourselves and like order some food and hang out. But that feels like an, I don't know, that feels like a cheap, it's like get up. Get dressed. Leave, Katie. Get out of the house. But I would love if people... I'd throw a party every week if you guys would come over. I would come over. I love house parties.
You have to throw them. Your parents have to go away. You have to throw them. And then everyone shows up and they still don't talk to you. That's my experience. They're just here for the house.
No.
No. My memories are shit. Oh, so the point, my point was partying. We need to do it more.
Yeah. Lucky for you, my birthday is next week. So get started. Are you going to have a party? I don't think so. I don't know. I, um, look, I haven't worked in a while and I'm working a bunch now. So I'm like, I don't know if we're going to have a party. It's just going to have to happen to me. I'm not going to be, I haven't put any thought into it, but, uh,
You should. Everybody should. I think it's like an excuse to bring your friends even if they're not all friends with each other necessarily.
Okay.
Oh, damn.
Oh, my God. Oh.
Or bag, right?
He has like a leather satchel. It is a high-duty, isn't it?
Great. A bag with a leather strap that he's clearly not figured out how to tighten because it's looped in a way you definitely wouldn't be choosing. And a hydro flask. He's holding one of those steel... Metal flasks you put water in and he puts it down by the wheel well.
That is woke, I just woke up hair. That hair has not yet been vertical to the point where it falls. It's like it was just up against a pillow.
Yes, exactly. Exactly.
Sure, yeah, you're allowed.
Yeah.
Don't piss him off. I certainly won't.
You don't know.
You're just lying.
Yeah.
Shut up, Pablo.
Is this Truman Show? What is this? Is this World Truman Show?
What's going on? Oh my God, what's going on? Okay, I need a lot of answers now. You went to the house, and you have access to the footage from the ring camera. Right, so the ring camera, the footage must go to the, whoever's staying in the Airbnb then?
Yeah.
Is this AI? Did you put yourself in the video?
Come on, I'm going to throw up.
I don't like this.
Pablo, is it alive? Is something, can you just give us a heads up?
Yeah, same. With a new shirt. Okay, even more sketchy.
Okay, so this is your Ring cam.
That you set up at that house.
Okay, that's a lot less crazy than I thought it was for a second there.
You want to put it down?
Oh, my God. Jordan from Chatham, Mass. Oh, my gosh. July of 2023, five stars. Great spot, great views, great host, great value. Thumbs up emoji.
I'd love that.
Can this stop blinking at me?
Great.
What's that called? Railroad style?
It's a railroad-style house. The whole place is...
Looks like almost a Murphy bed. Is that a Murphy? Does it fold up?
Because it could. They make those very chic now.
Winthrop. Of course, Winthrop.
Damn, I couldn't even guess what town it is in Massachusetts. Don't let those G.O. guys see me.
They're like, hang him, ta-ta. Pathetic.
And I said— My name's Julian Edelman.
Yeah.
Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Am I Team Jordan? Wait a second. This is a golf term I have learned? I mean, a men's senior shaft. Now, may I ask? Because I just like to ruin your day.
This is, at this point, does this woman know, at the point that Jordan is saying that she prefers a men's senior, does she know that her guest with her there is Bill Belichick?
May I say that's impossible?
I think that's fair for those people. That's logical. That's what the gossip in me would do, being like, we had a young girl who mentioned cheerleading, have an older man over and then not show back up. She must, like, that's fair. I don't think they're, like, saying that.
Yeah, that sounds like my uncle.
Crazy odds of that.
Yeah.
Yeah, once it's out, it's out. Somebody, do they think one of their friends might have profited off of it?
Yeah.
I'm not in the right whisper circles.
That's a bummer. It's a blow to the ego to know that I'm not getting included on any of that.
That's all right.
Operational security?
Oh, you mean, good Lord, Pablo needs a hobby? Yeah.
I was thinking the same thing.
Oh, man.
Katie Nolan, you're familiar? Please explain. Yeah, so you can, I believe, correct me if I'm wrong, but a fan cam, you can put in your seat, like your ticket number and your row and everything at a certain game and it'll show you that section of that game. on camera. So you can find yourself as a fan in the crowd at the game that you went to.
A pad optic... Whatever. Go ahead.
Sorry, keep going.
What's the sleight of hand here?
Yeah.
I did it. Oh, my God. Stop, Pablo. It's zoomed way in.
Sure is. That is Jordan. This is November when?
You knew the section, but not the day?
The outfit being a Tom Brady jersey.
Yeah. Tom Brady jersey. I don't know. It's just very frustrating. I think the main source of frustration for me is this iron curtain that it's always been. Or I've always been like, well, Bill doesn't talk about that stuff. So Bill's on the distraction. It's the words I've used to defend him being at the helm of my team that now I feel like he's going like, actually, I'm like this.
And it's just like, Okay, so you've been covered by a media you refuse to interact with in a way that gives them anything. And now you're kind of spilling out on the sides. And it's just, I'd like to know if you're aware of everything that's going on, Mr. Belichick?
It feels like this whole no distractions, do your job is like the no parking sign of this Airbnb. It's a thing you say and Bill goes, not me though. They're not talking to me.
Yeah, probably. We just look for somebody to tell us that we suck.
Oh, no. Why has it got to be me? It's an early turn. Should I put on gloves?
Okay.
Sidelined. So in this press tour for this book, at least messaging-wise. The new rebrand is upon us. Right.
It says, warning, turn over when instructed. I am instructed.
First page only.
At Jordan Bella is the account. It has been dormant since January 2024 when the account retweeted cheer updates. Then last Friday, so last Friday, Jordan starts retweeting posts that defend her. She tweets one tweet from this account, Curry Hicks Sage. It's lacking a lot of punctuation. I think I'll lose people if I try to read it. It's a lot.
But basically, it's the person's trying to defend in response to a New York Post aggregation of your reporting, Pablo. Of our episode. They quote tweeted that.
Yeah, you do keep wanting to put all of our names on it. But it is a quote tweet of that in a defense of Jordan. Jordan reposted that. Then Jordan replied to it, hashtag scapegoat with goat capitalized.
She then also retweeted a reply to Awful Announcing, which I think we've run into this before, but we've had to describe to you that that is a website that covers sports media.
which reads simply, this comes from Daddy G at Ellen T-shirts, and he replied and said, good Lord, Pablo needs a hobby. So Jordan retweeted someone saying, good Lord, Pablo needs a hobby. And now Pablo, show me the lie. She's not wrong. Pablo, tell me about hobbies that you have.
And then me. I haven't even seen Pablo yet. It's like a reveal. It's like I get, like, what's he wearing?
Oh, no. What?
Okay.
I think I know what it is, and I'm just more scared.
Yeah. Oh, a second outfit. There he is. Miss America.
It's just like making me watch that Sawburn video. Watch an athlete do comedy.
Yes.
What's he doing there?
Do we have any answers coming?
Oh, yes. Are these sensible separates?
Oh, my God.
Who has this? Who did they send it to? Why does this exist? Why am I looking at this?
Like, where was this camera? Oh my God, Pablo. This is crazy. Oh my God, Pablo.
Yes.
It's wild. He can be like, you are at the parking lot of an old Caldor's in Massachusetts. He can pinpoint you on a map. It's crazy.
Because of this. Because of us.
Yeah.
How?
How?
I'm going Mexico. Whatever the opposite of that is, that's me. I'm like, am I in my own house right now?
He's writing our coattails. Yes, the sacrifice we make being here having journalism happen to us live.
I'm like, I want to have a good relationship. I want them to like me and be a friend.
Well, get under the table because here we go.
I feel like I've heard of this podcast, but it's not made for me, is it? It's not a girl.
All right, gals, here we go. These are wet. These are all wet. I don't know where to touch these because they're all wet.
This is very different.
That is a scented marker from elementary school. You get high off the... You get too close to the blue or purple marker.
Next week, you're just on Galaxy Gas.
I love that because I'm getting like— I think it's like the—almost like maybe the brown. Remember the brown one was always like, what is this?
Could you picture it on someone? Because to me, even though it's making me think of a marker, if I'm picturing it on someone, it's a very older woman.
Like, not to have, and obviously the bacteria of it, but remember how nice it was when you would see it?
Yeah. Which, kind of nice.
Yeah, I mean, same, working in sports.
If this is a cologne, I'll eat my hat.
Don't use it. It puts f***ing holes in your brain, okay? You're not going to whip it? No, because it puts holes in your f***ing brain.
Yes, yes.
Mina.
There you go.
Thank you. I mean, the number five podcast on the sports Apple chart. It's just because it's based on new subs. Hell yeah, good for you. We don't even have an episode. Doesn't matter. Don't even have an episode yet. Are we rolling on various things, Patrick? Wait, one last thing before we start, you guys. The Invisalign's done.
I don't like. Do not like. Back in the bag it goes.
No, it's not Britney Spears. No, it's not Britney Spears. That's not Curious. I've worn Curious. You thought. I thought. Why is it in the full box, you guys? No. Am I thinking of a different Britney Spears fragrance?
Whoa. Wait, is the Curious Love in a pink round bottle with little green dots on it?
That's the one I wore.
I loved Britney Spears. I love Britney Spears.
Are you talking about me? I'm romantic?
This is such a small bottle. Like, you're getting so little actual product.
I would say this is 40 bucks.
35 bucks.
A genie bottle, but it's, which, you know, Christina Aguilera. But it's very, like, angular on the ends. It's almost like a clamshell. It's light blue.
30 milliliters, tiny little guy.
Maybe. It kind of does look like a cartoon diamond.
It's definitely a Walmart thing. What do you mean by that?
Pear is there for sure.
Like me.
Those are my three favorite Disney princesses.
Yes. Frankincense and pink psilocybin.
Look at that. Katie's hot now. I'm unapproachable.
I'm going to say $30.
It is. Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back.
Wow.
Finger on the scent pulse.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wow. You guys spray these and put them right in the bag? Holy shit. Oh, my God.
I'm now unapproachable. Please don't approach me. I'm too hot to talk to you.
Yo.
Oh, my God. You are talking to me about something I don't care about.
Oh, my God. You won't shut up.
It's tough to put near your nose.
This guy had got one of those apes.
It's really alcoholy.
It's too much.
It's a coked up business pitch. It's like, dude, I think we should talk about investments.
I know. I hope it's like, I just hope it's an athlete I don't like.
At the top where you push, where you inflict damage upon, it says CR7, but it kind of looks like it says cry, and I love that. Oh my God, that's f***ing brutal. Yeah, dude.
And cheeks. Spread cheeks. How much? What are you guys saying? I said $50.
$25.56. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God. Okay, Cristiano, you win this time. Oh, get it out. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Contain it. Where's the bag? Contain it. Where's the bag? I don't know.
It breached. Oh, God.
Oh, my God. It is on my fingers.
Oh, don't smell my finger.
Oh, it's cinnamon. Oh, it's spice.
Oh, it's all spice. It's old spice. It's pungent. Five spice.
Okay, but then on the back, it's like sweet and almost floral. In the back, it's like...
Baby got it.
Yes, it holds you nicely.
This is nice. This smells expensive.
You try a hat, but you might take it off halfway through because you're crushing under the weight of it.
I think I quite like it. I reserve the right to say I hate it once I see whose it is.
I'll put it in the bag because we cannot have another breach.
I do think that's nice. Guys, let's go. No, what is it?
You sexy fuck. I think we nailed it. I think so too. I think we nailed it.
Yeah, that's a really good fragrance, David. I quite like that.
Spice. What did the first thing I said when I smelled it a bunch? Spice.
Posh spice, I said. Wow. This is posh spice.
Oh my God, I do love this. Should we take a look at the bottle? I think we're really good at this. I think we should do this for our living. I'm canceling my podcast and I'm starting it. I mean, that just looks like cologne. Right. That looks like a bottle of cologne.
Classy box.
Oh, I think it was... Oh, Michael Jordan's tequila was terrible. So bad.
Even nicer in the bottle, if I may say. Oh, yeah.
I think it's Bergamot, but don't quote me.
No, we had LeBron tequila.
On that floral note, I'm going to say this is a $60 to $70 potluck.
Yeah.
We drank a lot.
We got pretty drunk, yeah. Charles Woodson's we didn't like.
Oh, boy. This is something else.
That's cinnamon.
That's heavy musk. That is Elon as f***.
Sometimes you gotta pop out and smell fragrances.
Okay, that is really not getting less strong.
It's becoming more... It smells like a woman wearing a suit for the first time. It feels like the first time a lady ever was like, women can wear suits as well. That woman wore this perfume.
Yeah.
Right. It smells like a shoulder pad, a big gold button.
She can have it all. She can. Let's see it.
Gobsmacked.
Okay. Okay. Gobsmacked. Oh my God, Tom Brady. I thought it was Chris Brown. I don't have my glasses on.
Yeah, I think it was. I think vaguely that I remember that it was. I don't, uh, it was one of the first things we drank. Oh, really?
No, Chris Pratt. I don't think about that other name. I don't say that person's name.
First of all, Stetson.
Yeah.
That's where my friend went to college. Stetson.
Spirits of true original. Stetson. The legendary fragrance of the American West. A rich, masculine blend of rugged woods and spice.
Baby, baby, baby, no.
Tonka bean?
That's what you get at Tonka Bell.
It feels like it's enveloping my tongue. Does that make sense? It is. I feel it on, like, all sides of my tongue. This is good stuff.
Still with us.
Wow, sexist again. I want this to make me a delicious sandwich. I want this to cook for me.
This smells like how I remember that Britney Spears perfume smelling.
I don't think they would do both.
It's fruity in the back. You get that like apple.
It's fruity in the back.
It is. Guys, grow up. It's fruity in the back.
All right, guys, marry it. Why don't you? Jesus. Simps.
It's not going to sleep with you. I'm sorry, I'm just being people on the internet when you're nice to a lady. Hope she sees this, bro.
No.
Yeah, okay. Because I look at Pablo and I think of his alpha. How alpha?
Pablo's mad. I can't make eye contact with Pablo while he smells it. It's making me very uncomfortable.
It's nice. It's light. It's floral. It's fruity. This is wonderful. It's almost like a peach or like a...
She's not a bitch. When I puked it all up, I didn't even taste that.
Jennifer Lowe. This is me now.
Still.
God, that f***ing J-Lo.
What can't she do? What can't she do?
She popped out recently. I want to say it was something political in a brown outfit that my jaw was on the floor.
That's nice. I like that.
Yeah.
And worth every penny, I think. Very beautiful. Very beautiful, very delicate. That's why you can't make eye contact with her when you see her.
Right. With my fiance, Dan Soder, who is a weed expert.
J-Lo, you did it again.
Get that J-Lo off my nose.
Very funny man. Thank you. I'll let him know. And thank you. I made him this way.
Yeah. It smells very soapy.
We all know this about you.
Unisex, it feels.
And why isn't it called Will Levis Stinks?
Will Levis number eight, Hellman's Parfum de Mayonnaise.
That's so funny.
That's so funny that you guys thought.
So it doesn't smell like mayonnaise. It wasn't supposed to, was it? Like, I don't.
How much of it stays, would you say? Because you don't want to get caught carrying this much. You could get in some real trouble.
Ah, there you go. You should take it. Can't add to cart.
Is it supposed to smell like mayo? Now that I've been told that it's mayonnaise.
Didn't get those at all.
Drinks mayo?
They had no business trying as hard as it did.
They're mussy.
No, absolutely not.
Records everything you do and publishes it as a podcast.
Very nice, very delicate. This feels like a lady to me.
Enigma.
It's like a woodsy... I have such a headache from this.
Just to be clear.
When you picture perfume, you picture this smell.
I liked it more at first than I do now.
What is it? Driven by Derek Jeter.
Yo, that's for boys. We kind of nailed him. We kind of nailed him.
It's an Avon. It's another Avon jam.
Yeah, was the best. Which we, I mean, we knew that.
Yeah, and he's a snooze fest.
You're going to be upset.
We can't take that away. They won't let us.
They won't let us. But if we could, we'd revoke it because of that sh**ty perfume.
Not good. Just really boring. Not my cup of tea.
Yeah, Jeets.
Oh, this is juicy. This is juiciest.
Has no sense of smell. Was very upset today when I was leaving.
This is fruity.
Yeah, this is those Steve Madden ads where they used to make their heads really big and their bodies really small.
This is youthful. This is exhausting me just to smell it.
I'm telling you, this is Britney. This smells like the Britney Spears. I know I'm going to keep saying that.
He said, tell Pablo I said hi. COVID knocked it out completely. So now it's like gone. But he also insists his taste is untouched. And I'm like, that's not possible. What I know is that I trust his agency on his own senses. And he tells me he can't smell. So he's not here today.
It's not as bad as they're making it sound. It's just very bright, very sweet. For me. Good instincts for you both to be repulsed by the scent of a child girl. For the record. I love that. Good job doing a great job.
You hate it. Ew.
I can picture it bullying me.
I am scared of it.
It ends really, really sweet. The more I'm sitting with it, the more it's like... Cotton candy. We get it. You're a 12. This is Taylor Swift, Wonderstruck. Come on.
That tracks.
That tracks.
This smells like a Taylor Swift concert. This is exactly right.
I don't think she was a full-blown capitalist yet.
How much she would sell it for, I will say, that size bottle?
The travel size bottle is $9.99.
That's egregious.
That's interesting. That's the worst deal of the day. That being the most expensive and the smallest size, other than the Jeter one.
What is that? Is that spearmint?
This cat calls.
This sits outside in a folding chair and whistles at me.
This is an Elks Club.
As I'm sitting with it, I don't dislike it. Necessarily.
It's kind of like deep. It's kind of like the back of my nose.
And it's like earthy and woodsy.
Oh, I hope it's Terry Bradshaw.
Me too, actually.
I think I'm giving it credit for being different. It's very different than what we've smelled today.
What a tacky... Just a sticker. Slapped on a... That's brutal.
Limited edition, 2024, made in France.
Yeah, I thought he was America... Interesting. I thought America first.
Oh, my God. The amount of money. I was looking for the profile notes.
Oh, my God.
Mine says $200.
Now, let's go. Is anybody here really good at math and conversions? I want to end the show. This, if you took the amount that Taylor Swift had in hers and you scaled it up to this size, is that more, does she charge more per drop than he does?
Happy January 6th, by the way.
And I guess... I guess, Katie... I found out Taylor Swift charges more per drop of her perfume, or did, I don't know, than 45, 47. Is that what we call them now? Is it 45, 47? How do you even... Do you get both numbers? Did Grover Cleveland get both?
You do know.
It's between Beckham... And J-Lo, I think.
What did you learn today? What did you find out today?
Nice. That wasn't on there.
What else could a man named Rodrigo do for a living?
No, that'd be nuts.
I'm going to find you that picture over in the outfit.
He's got a smell.
100%. All right.
Nothing.
Don't wear it. I don't wear perfume. I guess girl cologne.
But then again, the man, the object of my affection can't smell. So what am I wasting my time smelling all nice for?
Yeah, exactly. But I think I like know if I like the way something smells. Yeah. Not afraid to say it.
Okay.
Are we doing it like they do at a counter where they spray it on a little thing and then they waft it in front of your nose like that?
I hope it's a plastic bag.
It doesn't feel it.
Oh, this smells like my dad 30 years ago.
Sorry?
Okay.
It smells like dad. It smells like aftershave dad.
It smells like dad camp. Get a little barbershop. Okay.
This smells like a family function that I have to go to and give a lot of hugs at when I'm in jail.
Yes.
A little because it has this like, here we go. New money. It has this like depth in the back end of it. It like dips down in a way that you're like, oh, there's more to this. There's more to this than meets the eye, nose, ear, or throat. Yeah, that's
Should we put these back in the one bag?
Or do we need to keep them for context?
And we can never go back and smell it.
It's like lunch.
Okay. Did you say it smelled like dead dad?
Oh, my God. Oh, wow.
Yeah, it smells like longing.
Listen, guy sucks at tequila, but.
It's fruity in the back. You get that, like, apple... What'd you say? It's fruity in the back.
Yeah, that you could put your thumb in. That's actually quite nice. I would definitely be holding it that way while spraying it.
Now, when we did the drinking-based podcast, we had a drinks expert. Do you smell for a living?
Seedy needy, that's fun to say.
Fir? Lavender, F-I-R.
That's all I smell I'm learning. All I get are the bass notes because the musk.
I think he did. Did you describe what top, middle, and low notes were?
Thanks.
I love that.
It's not right.
Hmm.
Okay. Well.
And it's so cheap. It smells great. For the greatest athlete of all time. Good. I don't, that smelled awful.
It smells like shit.
That sounded cheap.
Damn.
Is this like Maxwell House?
Is that what you were doing just then? I thought you were like sneezing in a weird way.
Yeah, number two. Oh, this one smells very different. This hit hard, dude.
So it might be, does that mean it's perfumed, do you think?
That's right. Oh, my God. Wait, really?
This is like I'm reading a Red Book magazine, and one of the pages is stuck together because of a perfume ad, and I peel it off, and it rips it open, and I'm like, ooh.
Okay. All right, Pablo. Shout out Victoria's Secret. It almost smells like a perfume that is by a celebrity that I know of, but I don't think it's that.
Yeah. Sweet.
You just said it louder than me.
Both vaguely.
This is... It's florally, but like not really. It's like lightly, it's almost like a gardenia.
Yeah.
Excuse me.
This may be for boys.
This is Seahawks perfume. The color of the liquid is green unless that's the glass. Nope, it's the liquid. It is Mountain Dew colored. It is Ecto Cooler. That's right.
Wow.
Also, good question.
It's so crooked, too. It's like every part of it is leaning.
You know. You know I'm fired up.
No, he's making it more efficient, Pablo. You just gotta give him time. It's gonna hurt before it heals.
Clips from all my favorite shows.
Clips from my programs.
They couldn't believe we weren't keeping our bush around.
We wouldn't even have cameras if it weren't for the invention of the mirror.
Like, basic, like, menu navigation. Like, I don't know that video game, but watching him kind of walk into Walt, you're like, that's how a person that doesn't play games...
Based on what evidence?
A discovery of a thing.
The most embarrassing possible thing.
As you do, because it's not supposed to be about earning it, you know?
Yeah, it's the most embarrassing possible outcome. If I told people I was really good at video games, I would live my life petrified that somebody was going to ask me to prove it. I would never walk around being like, yeah, I'm the best. Oh, you want me to prove it? I would never get on the sticks. Are you out of your mind? Why would you immediately prove it?
You thought we wouldn't know the difference? It's this like, it's the thing about Elon Musk that has never made sense to me. Is this just blind faith in himself and the fact that everyone will buy it so it doesn't really matter? And people are willing to give them that credit. And so like, as a video game person, I'm like, listen, my culture is not a costume.
And then what if you look at it too long because you're so handsome?
You can't, like, we don't make fun of people that are good at video games and say they don't have a job. And then a guy with like the most money who does the most jobs also is the best at the video games. It doesn't, the world doesn't work like that. And I feel like where I go nuts is when I'm seeing like, well, for Elon Musk, apparently the world is like that.
You can just be caught telling an incredibly embarrassing lie and then just be in charge of the government. Like, what an embarrassing lie. This used to end people, stuff like this. And he doesn't even go here. He's not even from here. And yet, in the face of the most embarrassing lie to be caught in, he's caught in it. And then he's like, by the way, you don't have... USAID anymore.
It doesn't help you in any way.
That's right. That'll echo a Narcissus. Narcissus. That's right.
Right. And all... He doesn't respect you, guy who's simping for him.
Found or invented.
Oh my God.
That soupçon, it puts it in people's mouths. And then they go, oh, he's right.
Why wouldn't he employ the same tactics, but probably on a bigger scale? Why do you trust this guy?
Exactly. You're thinking that everybody thinks the way you do.
In a cool way.
You're listening to DraftKings Network. Oh, my glasses are what I left in my jacket. You're not showing us anything, are you?
The puffier is the younger. We don't have to pretend those are separate. That's younger.
Isn't that crazy that now, more than ever, I feel like, well, I should say I got this from the internet.
I don't mean to rain on a parade, but I feel like you were not single and seeking. How long have you been married?
We weren't in our porn brain era.
As heavily then.
I think it has an effect on the sexual interactions of single people now. I think it's different than it was for us. And this happens in every generation where like our generation, I don't even really want to talk about this. I feel like the difference between my mom's and mine was that like they couldn't believe we weren't keeping our bush around.
And I feel like that was because you wanted to look younger. This might be that. I just think you're right for your age. It makes sense for you, but I don't know that that's the way it is for kids now.
Oh my God, what?
And that's to make them less wrinkly?
I'm not, and this is, porn brain doesn't change this at all. The balls aren't getting a lot of air time with my eyes. I'm not really gazing upon your sack. I don't know.
13.05. I think it's like creepy late. But I don't want to be so wrong that it's embarrassing. So I'll say five years after what he said.
What are we doing? Do it in the dark, close your eyes, and get off. What are we doing? Why are you like, this doesn't hold up in a ring light?
To what end? Because you're putting a toxin next to your boys. That's not a good idea.
And that's fine. That's like for the jaw people when they have, what's that called, TMJ, and they get Botox for that. And it's like a medical treatment of the thing.
You might need to get some tox. Or maybe this is like when people say that they broke their nose, but it was actually just a cover for... No, I remember I had pretty bad TMJ, so I got Botox in my scrotum to kind of fix that.
This isn't an abstract.
So the topic you brought was that we're making our lips puffier.
Get your game shows right. We're not all the same.
What's the jawline thing?
I mean, the world's trying to change you, and I don't think you should change yourself at all. Thank you.
Except your balls. They are shriveling. And could use a bit more.
We've all been thinking it.
I'm glad we're finally saying it.
Allegedly.
Handsome Squidward.
No, Matt Rife started his big pop, I believe, was he was on Wildin' Out.
And he looked very different then. So it was like it's he, you know, it was on TV, so you can look it up. Then he I saw him reenter the public consciousness via TikTok. He did a lot of crowd work, which is famously what a lot of comics post because they don't want to burn their material. So you just post your crowd work. But he sort of rode that wave of crowd work.
clips people really liked him predominantly women he had a very female audience and fan base then he put out his first Netflix special when he had all these female eyeballs on him and he felt the need to open it up with a very hacky sexist joke which women were like what and he like made this joke and then clearly wanted it to be taken the way that it was he wanted it to offend people and
Okay, check the tape. I said an 18. I said an 18. You don't get to be friends with them at any of that. You said earlier, I was like, oh, I feel stupid.
Let them know he's one of the boys. Then he did, like, a Jordan Peterson interview, and you were just like, okay, so you're pivoting in a way I don't really follow. And, sorry, I lost the plot. He got facial surgery. It's rumored. It's widely rumored. He looks so different now. He looks like a male model. He's got, like, male model jaw. And then somebody was like, you know, he was on Wild N' Out.
People looked it up, and they were like, that's not what his chin looked like before. And then I believe there was a plastic surgeon who posted that he did Matt Rife's chin implant.
You're reciting every detail of the article. I remember this happening. A plastic surgeon posted that he gave Matt Reif his chin implant. Matt Reif was like, that's not true. And then the surgeon was like, now you can't take a joke. It was this whole big, I think it's weird when plastic surgeons post online about who their patients are anyway. That feels like a HIPAA thing.
Could not, right.
And so anyway, there was a lot of talk about his face. And it has seemed like, as with a lot of people who open that door to plastic surgery, it seems like he's reached a point where it's like getting to be, he's letting too much of, you gotta like close the door and step away for a little. You don't look like you're getting uncanny valley.
Damn it, Katie. Believe in yourself.
Sorry, I blacked out. Was I talking?
Special wasn't good. Did I say that?
I'd say like, look at, find your face.
Michael Cruz Kane.
No, because I think once we got the mirror, then we got the lens, then everything changed. Like glasses happened and all that.
Sort of like that.
Right. To look just like you.
I don't know, man. I just feel like if your face... The best version of your face to me is going to be the one that you got because it's like, it all kind of works in, you don't realize that if you add to your jaw, now your cheeks look small.
I do it with a lot of stuff in my life, which is why I have not yet and will eventually probably open this door and start to... work on this.
But once I start, like, I want to, if I'm going to buy furniture for my house, I want to research all my options, narrow it down based off on what I'm looking for, find the best possible available couch for me.
Yes, exactly.
And on a deeper, weird psychological level, if I look in the mirror right now, thanks to Leder von Sleif or whatever, and I don't like what I see, not my fault. But if I start to play with it and I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see, that's my fault. I told them to give me this nose. I picked these brows. Right now, none of this is my fault. I'm doing the best I can with what I got.
Yeah, I think.
Right. You're outweighed. So actually.
I mean, is that his?
Well, it's about time. I will say that part. It's about time you guys start worrying about what you look like.
Did you hear Chad Ochocinco tell Stephen A. Smith he got his penis done?
Oh!
Also, I don't think you're allowed to use, I think there's a threshold for use of packing. I don't think you're allowed to pack a penis smaller than five, six. I haven't checked in a while. There's definitely a threshold, and three does not meet it.
He is concealed carrying. He is cherishing.
Chad Ochocinco is in possession of a three inch penis.
Well, not anymore. He doesn't have a three inch penis anymore.
I think what we found out today was it's never anything.
I found out Jordan is his momager. I did find that out. I didn't know that coming into today. Sorry. It's really important to me to like make sure I give him something and I never bring it prepared because I'm supposed to find it out, right? You're doing great. Sorry. I just, I think I found out that she's his momager.
Perfect.
I'm glad we covered that.
Do you have embroidered sweatshirts?
That's some fancy guy s***.
Yeah, man, it's like your own merch.
The sweatshirt is, right? I assume you got the sweatshirt.
Right.
Interesting. Interesting.
Kind of a fashion icon.
I went to a party. Me too. I haven't been to a Super Bowl party, like not a big one, but I haven't been to a social gathering for the Super Bowl in a long time.
Because I had no reason not to. People that I liked were all going to watch the Super Bowl together.
Yeah, no, I'd love to go to a party. But years before, I was going to the Super Bowl. You see, I had work. And then usually I would either go to the game or I would leave because the network didn't want to pay for me to be there for the actual Super Bowl. So I would go watch it like on my way back home somewhere.
Okay.
Or I would be like, I'd fly home and watch it. Or I'd be like stuck on a layover or something. Then last year, like the last couple of years, like Dan went. And so I was just like at home watching it alone. And then this year I went to a party and I was like this, I'd spent such a long time. You miss a lot of stuff, but you don't care. That's exactly what this type of Super Bowl was for, for me.
Was like, I don't really care. Gun to my head, go birds. But I don't really care. I'll watch the halftime show. Excited for that, but like, don't have any high hopes for the commercials. It's been a couple years of being disappointed by the commercials, so I'm not like, I need to sit down and make sure I see them all.
No, no, they're in a, like, hidden pocket.
I was like, I'll catch the ones that matter tomorrow when somebody says something about it online.
I'm just going to go watch the game and hang out.
Yeah, that was a very boring Super Bowl.
Yeah, I feel like there was a lot of threes in there.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. And the halftime show was okay. I don't remember what it was. It didn't go like I wanted it to.
Yes, about Belichick's girlfriend.
Jordan. I think it's just Jordan. Jordan.
Jordan.
That's right. In a Super Bowl commercial.
That's the Super Bowl.
Oh, I don't know. It's like a Boston Avengers assemble. Ben Affleck is sitting with his brother, who's wearing a pink Kangol,
No, I think he's come back before this and other stuff. But he's here and arguably the better actor. But anyway, in the back, we see Belichick, who cut the sleeves off of his Dunkin's jacket.
And next to him, in questionable hair and makeup, I don't know what they're trying to do to Jordan, but it seems like they're trying to make her look like a stereotypical football wife or something, or this is her aesthetic and I'm just not familiar with it.
You guys always have it cold in here.
But she's 24. And so it's like, man, this is the closest his age swapped will ever be to her.
Yeah.
She's from, I thought.
She has a ring from a cheerleading...
Oh, they're dirty. No, I just have a turtle neck on.
A natty.
Well, I could name a way.
You make it wet?
It's also like you're teaching him the art of yes. He's like in his year of yes, where you're like, listen, I know you don't want to do it, Bill, but I said yes, and now it's a commitment, and now you have to go do it.
I don't know if you saw Charlotte on her podcast, Sports Gossip Show, had like a theory that they were fighting, that these two were in a fight leading up to the Super Bowl. They think that she's posting to his social media, which would make sense to back up the- I have heard this. Right. And they think at one point in his story, he had just posted like the text of a link, www.linktree.com slash.
Oh, sometimes, yeah, sometimes.
And it was like the text of that was the story, which is obviously not clickable. It's not how Instagram works. And they thought that Bill made that post. So they must have been in some sort of a fight where he'd be like, I'll do it. And I just think that's interesting in this context of her being his.
Yeah. And I want to be clear in saying that that could be, I hold space for the fact, let me hold your finger. That that could be, that could actually be that because they're in love and she has changed him as a man and she's taught him about how, like, to live in the moment and to embrace the opportunities that you have and that they're, like, so in love with each other. And it's beautiful.
What are you talking about?
It's beautiful. There is a chance of that.
Hold on, I'm gonna move.
But... When you make moves this way, when we're already going, you're how much younger than him? And then you see her show up in a commercial.
And then you hear that she's in charge of his career. That's when you go, okay, these are all also the traits of somebody who would be here for the wrong reasons. I need to see some of the traits that are evidence that you are here for the right reasons. Otherwise, you're acting like... The evidence is adding up. It seems like you could be taking advantage of the guy.
And he's obviously taking advantage of the girl. That's what I'm saying.
No, what is the reason?
At what point is it elder abuse, I guess, is the question.
Is that okay if I do it wrong? I do everything right. Can I do this one thing wrong?
He does.
Sure. For now.
I just want to listen to a chat. I just want to hear y'all talk.
I don't know if you saw at the NFL Honors, Snoop Dogg made a joke about her.
He starts the joke before he remembers the punchline. And then he like buys himself some time and then delivers like a little too much time.
Tell me what the scores are.
Yeah, these things suck. You know, I wore broken glasses for three years before I finally was like, I deserve to upgrade these. I just, I don't like taking care of myself. I don't enjoy the act of taking care of myself.
So silly.
Nice. That's cool.
And what are you doing in comedy?
We really asked him that.
Hey, sir, does your book tend to make people horny?
Yeah, mine also says, can I say that?
Exclusive with two underlines, embargoed with stars. That's, I think, probably because I have a podcast.
Legal though it may be.
No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
So you're saying that she's protecting that information because it's in fact embargoed?
That's thrown out the window. Do you think I need you to tell me what defenestrated is? I was doing it for them.
Who among us makes him doesn't listen to him, you know?
Said, hey, you were in severance for 30 seconds. I was just wondering. Whoa. Whoa. 30 seconds.
Matt Damon and Tom Brady don't have the heart of a champion. We got a new squad, Dunking's sequel. Affleck's and Belichick. Dunking's!
That's why you're allowed to be here. We're paying him a lot of money. We're even pretending to listen to you because of the star, how much he's a star in our eyes.
Oh, she added like script idea. It wasn't just she'd be in the background of the shot we saw.
Okay.
No, no, no.
Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. It's like when you give a kid a controller for a video game and you play it and you go, you're doing great.
Look at you go. Yeah.
I got goosebumps. That's a real nightmare.
I'm embarrassed.
Yes, yes. Unfortunately, I now feel bad.
I hope that footage is destroyed. If there was any. I hope there isn't any, and if it is, I hope it was destroyed.
Please, Pablo.
Oh, thank God. I was, I believed him.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to look. It'd be like the, the salt, salt bath, whatever that scene was. You guys don't do.
How did you do that?
As a momager.
Oh, no.
Oh, God.
28,000-year-old dildo, that's what she calls Bill.
How? Jordan. How are you not aware? You need just... Everybody knows this trick. How are you not aware?
I actually believe there's studies that have shown it's like important for human society to have that. Like gossip and such. Now there's that.
Yeah.
That's pretty tough. That's really tough. And you're saying that didn't get out.
Yeah. Are we ever going to go back to the part where nobody around Bill spoke up? Because I do feel that's a neglected part of this story in that we do seem to love, especially as an online public, we love a woman to put everything on.
And while I'm not in any way saying that Jordan is innocent or anything in all of this, it does seem like a number of people were in a position that could have gone, hey, this isn't cool. But they were so much more interested in their access to this power that they let it get really bad and are now like crazy, right? She's nuts.
And you're like, yeah, you could have said something a long time ago and helped your supposed friend by telling him the truth of what was going on here. And now you're leaving it to us.
Yes.
And that's what I'm going to say. And I will say, self-awareness, I am on the other end of the spectrum. That's good. I have made people very mad at me.
Yes, by the other end of the spectrum. And they're here today. Bring them out. No, I have a tendency to be a little honest in ways I don't notice are uncouth until they've been said. So I think it's a good friend is to say, I don't know how to tell you this, and I might not tell it to you right, but I don't think what's going on here is on the up and up. I would say at least that.
Well, and I've been saying that for years. Yeah.
And that is?
Which is funny because I've noticed people online have started calling her Jordan. And I said, Pablo led the charge. Yeah.
Oh boy. End quote. Am I allowed to know the gender? I can't, of course, know the gender of who said that, but it does inform.
Ginger or cinnamon or... Or even baby.
Yes. Fair. Totally fair. Agree with.
What are you so afraid of?
I was just going to say YouGoGirl as a joke. That's what it says.
I almost jumped in and went YouGoGirl. That's crazy. That's very funny. I'm so sorry.
Oh, no. I'm so glad you asked. Oh, no. Is it for old souls?
Okay.
And good for him. He's of age. Plenty. Yeah.
This producing.
Right, and so that's the herbs and spice line. Once you hit that, you really end on the story. We've hit the KFC threshold. That's right.
What's his deal?
Should I keep going? Oh, no.
Is he all right? The guy loves wine. How many stars did he give that one? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Drinking it while he was saying it.
Okay, Pablo. Okay. I don't think he was. That's alleged.
Oh, my God.
Wow, beautifully done. It's like you guys had worked on that, and I'm here to say they hadn't.
Just in case. No offense to my guy.
Why is everybody, including me, giving it four stars?
Okay.
P-Town.
Gay. Very LGBTQ friendly.
Very LGBTQ plus friendly.
Play safe, exclamation point, free condoms.
Okay, so what I'm looking at here is it says there's a sign on the entrance door. I'm looking at a photo of the entrance door, and it appears to have a sign on it. And the sign reads, quote, In June, the US Supreme Court declared that any business may openly discriminate against their patrons.
In response, Toys of Eros will no longer sell rings to humans who feel entitled to make choices for bodies other than their own. Toys of Eros will no longer sell anal plugs to people who support the burning of books. Toys of Eros will no longer sell dildos to actual dildos wearing MAGA hats.
Please note, drag queens, daddy bears, cocksuckers, bull dykes, I don't want to say that one, F-slurs, trans folks, muff divers, non-binary gender f***ers, and in general, queers of any and all sort and their enlightened allies, both capitalized, E-A, E-A. will always and forever be welcome at Toys of Eros.
I love that. Yeah. Oh, wait, I flipped ahead. Sorry, I'm not supposed to flip ahead.
That's right. Okay.
In what room? Informative plaques about penis sheaths made of gourds and worn by the tribesmen of New Guinea.
The museum also contains historical artifacts, such as the electric cage, which you can see here. My God.
Yeah. Just dangling. And a cage, a slinky.
You're listening to DraftKings Network.
This is from around 1945, just to place this in time for you.
That's right. That's important. It used electric shocks to prevent masturbation and wet dreams. I would say we weren't at a place with electricity by then that I'd be ready to do this. You know? I'd be like, you know what? We basically have it figured out.
It might work in that you might lose your dick and then you can't jerk it.
Right.
Last but not least, a prehistoric 28,000-year-old dildo made from camel dung? We had to put shit in our pussies? That's crazy.
Okay. Thank you. Actually, that does make a lot more sense. Thank you. I am so, so sorry. After saying I was an ally, how dare I?
Dung dung ditch.
Well, that's something.
And that's just sort of where it belongs anyway. So you're kind of just putting it back. Exactly. If you think about it. Honestly, this was a much needed release. What a journey through history. I'm so glad we're not talking about the other stuff for just a second.
Oh, no.
Wait, can I make a quick joke? 28,000-year-old dildo, that's what she calls Bill.
They heard it. They knew. They felt it.
You shouldn't be injecting anything in anybody without a license, I think.
I learned, and I probably already knew, so I guess I feel like I had confirmed for me, just how many people are willing to turn the other way on anything and be completely emotionally dishonest with their friend if their friend is powerful and can in some way provide something for them, or at least keep them close to power.
I was going to say cell phones.
Whoa. Holy shit. Real eyes, real eyes, real lies. Damn.
Dang, not in the building? A little flippant. I feel like that is what is done with a distraction, and a team is within its rights to do that when it comes to external distractions.
And if you win Miss Maine, what do you get? Well...
Surely a sash.
I assume you're jumping ahead to the next step, whereas if she doesn't win, this could turn into some sort of political stance. I'm just saying. I don't have the patience for that chapter, if that's where we're going. Same way I feel about Stephen A. Smith potentially running for president. I'm jumping off the roof of my building before we get to this.
Oh, of like, oh, they said you can't come.
I would love to have you there. Oh, my God.
Donnie's on my back. Bubba Cunningham. Is that his name? Bubba Cunningham? Bubba's, you know the way Bubba's.
Listen, Bubba's, he's tough.
Yeah.
That's really good. That's ours. Yeah, the most animated he's ever been.
Okay.
So they are conducting research.
Sorry?
I'm sorry, what?
Monetization is killing everything.
The clip that kind of went out and got the most attention was a clip of... Jordan interrupting and seemingly inserting herself into the interview.
And the question she took the most issue with from that clip was they asked him... Everybody in the world seems to be following this relationship.
It was very softball. Like, you are in a new relationship. We're seeing a different side of you. How did the two of you meet? Not talking about this. We're not talking about that.
A good PR person is not going, excuse me, hello, it's me, and inserting themselves. They're trying their best to smooth from afar. And they had an answer for that question.
The inside of her philosophy textbook or a psychology textbook? Which one was it?
Let me take these sunglasses off so I don't seem flippant about the subject matter. Your hair's voluminous today.
Jordan Hudson, 22, Hancock. Beautiful. If I may. Beautiful.
First runner-up is second place, yes?
Just confirming for my brain.
Thank you.
Shout out. Second day's the best day.
Getting close.
You taught math to kids. Really? With the embargo?
I'm sorry.
I was a vessel for that.
Start us cleanly.
Well, not that I remember specifically, but certainly I've mistyped everything.
Okay, so back where we started. We don't really know.
So it seems like the reason she's so sensitive about the book thing is because they didn't think through the fact that he was clearly talking to a 19-year-old, and now they're trying to cover that up.
Sorry. Why'd you invite me?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's just the same.
Yeah, you'd have to go out of your way. What a crazy little detail. On a phone, on a keyboard. Yeah. And it's like you'd hit the same thing. Right. Yeah. Oh my goodness gracious.
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