Katriona O'Sullivan

I don't think that's ever left me.

The feeling that I'm not going to have enough has never left me.

I don't know to be honest I don't know I do know that I have always been driven for food and always worried about having enough food I think it left that mark on me but because of the complexities of what I was living in because of not just poverty and lack of food I was also living in an environment where I lacked love and I had sexual trauma in childhood which

made me really question my body.

All of them things came together to actually cause a disordered relationship with food.

Well, before anything bad happened to my body, I thought my body was the greatest place I've had to be in.

I was free.

I had cartwheel and I was a football player and I played as strong as the lads.

You were comfortable in your own skin.

I was comfortable in my skin and actually felt quite proud of my body.

This is one of the things that I tried to highlight in the book is like a lot of my worth...

was taught to me and a lot of women's worth is taught to them about what they look like.

But as a little girl, I was a really beautiful little girl and my family, the only love I really got was attached to what I look like.

So I had this sense of pride around my body and what it looked like, but also had this hunger going on, this lack of food.

And then I experienced these really traumatic abuse situations in my home, which I do talk about regularly.

in the book, more so than I did in Paul.

But the reason I did it is because it's about my body.

And what that did, I got these erroneous connections between being a beautiful little girl who people thought was pretty to these bad people doing these bad things to me.

And my body became this place of shame.

And I'll add this, and for listeners, this could be quite triggering, but I had a pleasurable response to that abuse.