Kelly

Hi, so nice to meet you guys. I'm Kelly and this is Josh.

I'm a therapist and I just love what you have done for so many of my clients. You guys being so open, transparent and creating just an awesome avenue for people to just be more open and share their story and struggle. So I love that.

Thanks for listening.

Dr. Drew called me unfixable.

How dare you, Dr. Drew? You killed my grandmother.

Let's talk bobbleheads.

Help unload. Yeah, we need space.

There's a few cases left and the people that produce them are moving and they wanna get rid of, we're giving out a great price for 12, $35 for 12 if you go to drdrew.com slash shop. And you can just store them away for the holidays.

It's going to be a collectible at that point. There's a few cases left. We're hoping that everybody will pitch in and get some for their future white elephant gifts.

Trust me, you can't. We're basically giving it away for shipping.

I'm getting a bunch of them and I'm sending them to a few people, a few of our fans that helped us back in the days during Dose of Dr. Drew when we were selling bobbleheads. Anyways, we want to help the people that make them open up their space. They're moving. So I can't take them all here. It costs money to ship them to me and then for me to do something with them. So we're offering them to you.

Hold them up again, Drew. Show them all sides. It's really cute.

Yeah, well, the original price was $44 each. That makes more sense. So, yeah, and then we had them.

Right. And then, like I said, if he dies, it'll be worth more.

So to- No, it's drdrew.com slash shop, Caleb.

Okay. I just want to make sure everybody knows, go to drdrew.com slash shop. Help out our manufacturer. I have a bunch of them. Everybody, Caleb, you should get a set too. I have one. I have one right here on my desk. No, I mean, I'll get you a case.

One for all of my children.

They're really cute. They're really cute. And then you can share it with your mother who loves Dr. Drew and all the gut-filled friends you have that love him. It is a fun guest.

It's funny. So get one.

I was busy today. You got that email at like 10 o'clock last night.

It's not in the loop. I had a great show. I'm calling out today. I don't know if anybody out there saw it, but it was really good.

Tom Renz was so awesome. Oh, we still have Thomas Renz on March 10th, I believe. Oh no, we moved him. I think we had to move him because we have to travel that day, but we'll get him. Don't worry.

His social media manager was busy doing a show today. I like it, Hollywood Demons. It kind of goes with the theme of my psychic medium show.

He wasn't selling a V-Shred. No, no, no.

Yeah, we had to move... I feel bad now because I love Tom Renz. He was on my show today, but we had to move him because we have... Monday, we were...

Yeah, I can't wait. Thanks, Emily. Is this a...

First, we wanted the guy from the LA Times here. And I said, why would we let the LA Times over into our house? And you're like, he's a nice guy. I was like- He was.

No, I know. He didn't show up. He had a cold, but-

He had a lot on his plate today because we had our show first. We had two shows today.

There's only so much time in a day for Caleb Nation.

Wait, three kids? No, two kids.

Four dogs and a Susan Pinsky.

Listen, that's just how I felt. Okay.

Stop it.

Honestly, you are gassing me up a little bit. You're making me see the other side of things a little bit.

I will say two things. Number one, it was sparkling clean. I will give him that. It was a very clean bathroom.

Number two, I do not appreciate the fact that the toilet paper was facing the way I don't appreciate. It was underpulled.

I take ownership. Like I should not have gone through this man's phone. That's good. And so as long as the place you are sending us has a solid bathroom rating from him.

Yeah, I had a feeling that might be what this is about when you said that.

Yeah. Oh, no.

I mean, like, I guess I just did something I really shouldn't have done, and it just, it took me out of it. It ruined it for me. Uh-oh.

Yeah.

You're not wrong about any of that. Like, that's all 100% true. And, I mean, what a great date to have with somebody who you've known for a while and have been going to the same gym, like, for a long time. Like, it kind of all was coming together really nicely. Like, almost a little too good to be true. No. Lean into that.

Me.

What do you mean, me? Oh, my God. Okay. So... Basically, he got a text when he was doing the dishes and I was in the living room where his phone was like sitting on the charger. Yeah, we heard that. Oh, until you know about the passcode and everything, yeah? Right.

Cool, same. Like, I was like, whoa, this is like a marital level trust. Like, this is a lot.

Not initially, but your girl got a little curious, and I went back for seconds. I'm not going to lie.

What did you find? Oh, my God. I can't even believe this. Okay. You know the notes app on your phone?

Oh, okay. You opened his notes app? What was in there?

So he wrote a bunch of, there's a bunch of drafts in there, and they're a bunch of like over-the-top, aggressive, negative things.

yelp reviews yelp reviews it's not even like it's not even for like businesses it's not for restaurants he didn't find like a hair in his food no these are for public restrooms what he's a public restroom wait do you think he wrote them or did he like copy and paste them from oh like are they jokes because that would be that sounds like a joke to me a review of a public restroom

there is zero percent chance like this came from his soul he did not write this on a win like there was one in there about like the mcdonald's on fifth avenue and he was going off he was like the hinges on the door were like loose and the latch was hanging on for dear life like it was a marriage on its last leg and it's useful because now i know not to go to that mcdonald's so yeah so you didn't you didn't think it was attractive

Honestly, it seemed like a little unhinged that someone would be having that in his phone.

Why does it bother you so much? I can't do it today.

I just don't want to do it.

Tell us why. Have somebody else. Tell us why. Have someone come sit here for that. That's not me.

I don't owe you an answer.

I just don't want to do it.

I am not.

I'm trying to say it so that everybody knows that I asked not to do it.

You're the main perpetrator.

So TikTok.

No.

It's not fun.

I'm reporting from the dumpster.

Am I close? It's very refreshing. Yeah, you're close. You want to go ahead and give it a rating?

Yeah, 10 out of 10. Awesome. Well, you both gave it a 10 out of 10 originally. And this is the Lemon Drop Mocktail.

That's it.

Lemon Drop. But you're right in the fact that it does have club soda. Yes. And lemon juice and simple syrup. And this came from our Why Nothing is Enjoyable Today episode.

So this is a reddish Rita.

Yep, this came from the Financial Realities You Learn as an Adult episode.

Wow.

Yep, you both gave it a 10 out of 10 originally, so consistent. Oh, my gosh. And this has... Roposado tequila. Yep. Blanco tequila. Orange liqueur. Lime juice. And agave nectar. Okay.

Wow.

Kelly. All right. Have you ever lied to get out of something with family or friends?

Okay. Did you get caught?

All right. What is it, Kelly? Okay. This is called a Corpse Reviver. Corpse Reviver. Sorry, Corpse Reviver number two. We loved Corpse Reviver. This is my favorite cocktail of all time. Yeah, you both gave it a 10 out of 10. Oh, no.

So this came from our Are You Guilty of These Financial Turnoffs episode. And this has gin, triple sec, lilac blanc, fresh lemon, and absinthe.

Kelly? All right. Have you ever stalked someone on social media? And if so, did you ever get found out?

Yes, yes.

What?

Wow.

Yeah.

Which I ate some of.

All right. Have you ever made an ambitious purchase that went with one of your goals or resolutions that you didn't do anything with?

Say it, Kelly. Oh no, it renewed. Renewed to the next year and I didn't know.

What?

How much school debt do you have? I have 150,000. I had more. I had 300,000 after my Master's. I had a great uncle pass away who was an artist and my parents chose with their share of that that they would help pay off all my private loans. And so that was a crazy night. I remember pressing submit on $150,000 payment and just being like, holy shit.

And they were like, yay, doesn't that feel so much better? And I was kind of like, This is Kelly. Kelly is one of the 42.8 million Americans who have student loan debt.

Ich war früher Therapistin. Und für viele Gründe bin ich es nicht jetzt. Aber ich werde immer Therapie oder Coaching in meinem Leben haben. Und ich werde wahrscheinlich irgendwann vollzeit zurückgehen.

Consuming. Oh. I would describe it as all-consuming, yeah. The thing that keeps coming to mind is when someone has an addiction or a struggle and they caught the monkey on their back.

Du kannst es einfach nicht entfernen. Es klingelt einfach. Und es ist immer mit dir vorhanden. Es fühlt sich so an. Und ich versuche wirklich hart, in Kontrolle zu bleiben, meine Kontrolle zu behalten. Ja. Aber es ist ein bisschen wie ein Tug of War.

An einem Sonntag sitze ich und schaue mir den Budget an. Und ich habe eine Sprechstelle gemacht.

So rent and utilities, $2,800. That's pretty expensive for rent. Anytime I tell someone that, they're like, that's more than my mortgage. I'm like, yeah, I know. Please don't tell me what your mortgage is. I don't want to know. Ja, wer braucht das?

And then groceries. This one sucks the most right now and I really feel like everyone will understand. I put 600 a month for our groceries. And I mean that includes like toiletries and stuff too. They have a Costco membership, but they pay that yearly fee with the cash back they get from their credit card. Medications and supplements like

Ben arbeitet, also hat er einen riesigen Pack von Proteinpaste, den er von Cospo bekommt. Also Ben hat meistens Workout-Supplemente und nur eine Medikation. Und meine ist, denke ich, wie Some of the subscriptions are on them though. Dropbox for 12, Soundcloud for 6, Spotify for 10. Hair. My hair. I put $40 next to my hair.

And that's so I can spend that $40 and get my hair washed by somebody else one time every month. And it is like the gift to me to have somebody else wash my hair every once in a while. Isn't that shitty that like even now just reading my own budget that it really is just my business. I still feel the need to justify like I just need to treat myself sometimes and have my hair washed.

Wie viel kostet das, was du regelmäßig bezahlst? Rund 4.800 Euro pro Monat. Aber dann kriegst du Geld. Wie viel Geld hast du? Einiges. Wenn du meine Studentenlohne inkludierst, haben wir 202.728 Dollar in Geld. Wo hast du zur Schule gegangen? Ich bin zur Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee gegangen. Warum hast du zur Schule gegangen?

Ich dachte, ich sollte das tun, weil ich gesagt wurde, dass das der nächste Schritt ist. Und ich denke, das ist ein Teil des Liedes, der meiner Generation verkauft wurde. Wenn du nicht zur Schule gehst, wirst du am McDonalds arbeiten. Du wirst ein Todesblut sein. Du wirst mit deinen Eltern leben müssen und wahrscheinlich sogar Marihuana benutzen. Ja.

Oh no, it's a good question. I didn't. I did not think about it. I had no clue what I was doing. It wasn't like, hmm, I wonder how I'm going to pay this off when the average annual salary for a therapist is 40.000 bis 60.000 Dollar pro Jahr. Ich habe das nicht gedacht. Ich hatte keine Ahnung, was ich tue. Und ich hatte nicht wirklich jemanden um mich herum, der mir erklärte, was ich tue.

Dein präfrontaler Kortex ist nicht entwickelt, wenn du diese Entscheidungen machst. Letztendlich regere ich nichts, weil ich, wer ich bin, und ich bin glücklich, aber ich bin

Because maybe I will just realize through tracking every expense that I'm actually just a dum-dum and I'm very irresponsible and this is all my fault. But I'm feeling curious. I'm just curious to see what comes of it.

Of course not.

Uh, no. So I think Russell just reiterate a couple of things. He said that we're the best. We're, you know, don't ask them how they're doing and don't, um, ask them what you can do because they're so overwhelmed and nobody wants to tell somebody, here's the things that I need you to do. It's just a weird thing to say. And, um,

don't the biggest one is don't make them make you feel better yep everybody else's emotions are exhausting especially during a time like this they are exhausting and so to have to make them you know if you go sit over there and you're boohooed and bawling and crying and all that excuse me they have to take care of you and tell you how they're going to be okay and how it's going to be okay and that's not beneficial to them at all and it's it's it's just exhausting um

frank talk i had a couple that set or that was our next door neighbor at the time when i was diagnosed and they invited me over for coffee sat down and they're like all right tell us everything about it because most people don't want to know or they don't you know they don't know how to say just tell us everything and it was very cathartic for me to be able to sit down and pour out everything that was going on because most people just want to give platitudes well-meaning but still platitudes so just be frank and honest about it because trust me they already know what's going on

So it's not like you're going to tiptoe around it cause you don't want to say the wrong thing. They're very well aware.

Oh, trust. I had a whole group of people that I was like, this is so demented, but it's how I processed it. That's right. Yeah, 100%. Nothing is right or wrong. Whatever it takes for them to process it is what matters.

We have some amazing listeners. We really do.

My favorite was the guy on Thursday that came in and he said, He asked me to come out – for me to come out and to get a picture and then he said he was going to print it out and have you sign it. I thought that was pretty fantastic.

No, it's a voodoo doll, not a signed picture. You can do you, boo. Call it what you want.

Who's the real victim here, John?

Everyone's favorite. I had a one-night stand with my wife's stepmom.

The bra strap, yeah.

A woman who feels completely betrayed by her husband.

No, by her husband. So we'll have to listen and figure out why.

Right. Because everybody loved the Arthur Brooks interview. So in this one, he's going to talk about why marriages fall apart.

Okay, hold on. I have a question. So if you don't like, we know what your least favorite Christmas song is. What is your favorite Christmas song? What's one that just fills your heart with... Holiday Joy.

That is not in any way what I expected.

Merry Christmas to you, John.

Yeah, I don't think they say that anymore.

Yeah, and with your spirit. That's what they say now.

Well, like John Malaney said, because that's what needed to be changed in the Catholic Church.

These are your faves. These are the ones you picked.

So we have everyone's favorite. I had a one-night stand with my wife's stepmom.

And I'm so glad that I had my stupid, especially like that, where that guy, you know, 19 to like 25 year old phase without cell phones, without digital pictures.

There's a shoe box in the closet that I probably should burn. That has pictures of my wild days and that's where it needs to stay. It doesn't ever need to... I don't have to worry about it popping up somewhere.

Because the stupid things that were said that these days would get you fired or canceled or whatever, you know, that we all do.

No, but you know, just the stupid things we all say.

Really?

No, because I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think of, like, I was, like, trying to think through different facets real quick. But no, I don't. Is there any place I find would think you're as desperate? But no.

Oh, for five-star reviews, yes. Yes. Probably.

Yeah. Do a lot of things for Klondike Bar.

The list of things I won't do, it's getting pretty slim for a million bucks. That's a lot of money.

Yeah.

I think like, you know, they were a lot that night. They were – didn't want to go to bed. They're fighting. Depending upon how old they are, they're fighting. They're not doing what they're told. It's just one of those nights where you're just – You just fall on the couch.

Yeah. You lost. Yeah, you were like, what just happened? Yes. So that's what I think of.

Do you agree?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. What?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, this is from Beth and she says, over the holidays, my husband and I went on a trip to stay with my brother and his wife. My relationship with my brother has been complicated. I'm sorry, it was her brother. I said that wrong. My relationship with my brother has been complicated. For about a decade, we didn't speak, but we all really wanted to cultivate a healthier relationship.

I just finished the connections chapter of building a non-anxious life, so I pulled up the online questions for humans mentioned in the chapter, and we spent a couple of hours having the greatest conversation we've ever had. It culminated with me telling my brother all the ways I was proud of him. It was one of the best visits we've ever had. Thank you to you and your team for all that you do.

to bring joy to your heart.

You are brilliant.

Yeah. That sounds great. As long as you're not being coerced or trying to... Everything I say sounds inappropriate here, but you're trying to substitute that for something else that there's a problem.

Yeah.

Right. Or solving a problem, you know, band-aiding over a problem, but otherwise. Yeah.

Actually, that's what the social post was about. So we can, instead of the social post, we can just talk about that. But I'd never heard you talk about the difference between rules and boundaries being rules are for them, boundaries are for you. So just clarify that a little bit, if you would, about... What are boundaries? What are rules?

I mean, rules sound to me like a parent thing because I have rules for my kids, but not for my husband.

Oh, it does. Like I said, I'd never heard boundaries and rules described that way, but it makes sense. I'm doing this boundary to protect me, not because I'm wagging my finger and telling you what you have to do.

It will change how you parent, how you are married, how you show up to work, how you treat your neighbors. It's astounding how good it is, but it tracks his journey as a restaurateur, as somebody who's learning the restaurant business and takes over kind of a fledgling restaurant. Kelly, what's all the awards he's won?

That's right, yeah, they were there.

That was too much. You did great.

But integrity at the cost of quote unquote how I feel. The right thing versus what I'm going to miss out on.

Yeah.

Yeah, because it's not – the only immoral thing to do is to feel bad or to not feel great. That's the new immorality.

Yeah. There's abuse and of course.

I'm not trying to be overly sweeping here, but – So tell me about your mom. One of the parts in the book that I, again, I keep going back. I was working through this again last night. I'm sorry, two nights ago. My daughter and I took our first trip ever. She's eight. And we got on a plane and flew to my uncle's 80th birthday party. And then it was just us two.

Just the two of us. Never done that before. In fact, in the car ride to the airport, she was like, I've never gone out of town without mom. And I was like, we're going to... She's like, I feel like unsafe. We both might be borderline diabetic right now. We ate a lot of garbage.

But I was in bed reading when she was asleep, and I got to the part about your mom unable to speak, but still requiring that the person who helped push her down the street to smile at you when you got off the bus. That next morning, my daughter woke up too early in a hotel room and said, Dad, let's go swimming. And for the first time in her life, I said,

I bet I'll beat you to the get our swimsuits on instead of hold on, man, like no coffee. Let's just run. Let's run. And the water was freezing and we laughed our heads off. And does that make sense?

But I got that from your mom, right? Tell me about your mom.

Mm-hmm.

It's not Arby's.

It's like an Oscar.

This isn't a shaming statement. This is just an is. I hear that. And I think of a 10-year-old getting off the bus and running down the street and seeing this radiant smile a block away. And then I think of the just countless ocean of children who have able-bodied parents who are scrolling their childhoods away, just staring at their phones. You know what I mean?

And I guess for whatever it's worth, me with a young kid still, a teenager but a young kid, it's the memory that, I mean, you're talking, I can feel it on you. Like that's encoded in your nervous system that is... She didn't say the right things, for God's sakes. No. But there was not a doubt that come hell or high water, I can always come home. I've gotten her in my corner.

The... The thing that Will was best known for originally besides just being an amazing guy. And when you watch this show, you'll see it. And we get into some of his childhood stuff and some really heavy stuff he experienced throughout his childhood that I think it laid the groundwork for who he has become as a father, as a husband, and as a business owner. But he took a restaurant that was good.

I don't care how I feel. I have an obligation to live for two now. We're going to have extra adventure and have extra. I'm going to have an extra beer. I'm going to have an extra thing of nachos. I'm going to work out because I have to. So let me ask you this. I'd be good at having the extra nachos. Maybe not doing the extra work out. I love nachos.

um all right so i'm only i feel like i can only ask you this because you're my friend yeah so i find myself there's some guys working on an app and so they've run all of my calls through a like a language learning model like how does john respond to things yeah yeah and come to find out i quite often ask what did you see growing up like what did you experience growing up

And so I have heard you talk about this reckless love. And reckless is one of my favorite words when it comes to love and giving. Give obnoxiously. You'll figure it out. Give crazy. And watching this pillar of integrity in your old man, which is just so phenomenal. But there's the other side of that, right?

And so I like to tell the story about how my mom went back to college or went to college when she was in her 40s and graduated with a PhD when she was in her late 50s, like this whole thing. There was another side to that, which was I cooked dinner a lot, right? And I did my laundry starting when I was really young.

And there was a lot of tension in the house because we didn't have any money and mom was in school and dad was a cop. And then there was a reality to that that was hard, right? So knowing the beautiful part, but also getting to see the gritty ins and outs of, oh, this is what this means, right?

This might mean 15 years of working all day, doing math homework with my kid, and then having to help my wife go to the bathroom or to bathe, those kind of things. This is what you see day in and day out. What was it about that experience that made you say to your amazing wife that you have now, Christina? It's Christina? Yeah. I do. I'm in. I'm in on that.

Oh, yeah.

It was good. It was fine. It was good. And they won restaurant of the planet twice. I think it was in London or in France, wherever they get together with the fancy food places, they won it twice. And it was based on this concept of radical hospitality, unreasonable hospitality. And if you want to know more about the book, you can check it out in the show notes, but

What made you say, because I love how you framed it, I wish it was something other than this. I wanted Titanic to be so real. I wanted to walk into a room and just be like, I'll die today for that person. It just not works. What was the switch that you flipped that said, I'm going to choose Titanic? I'm choosing you. I'm going to choose you every day until I'm dead.

Please invite everyone you know, gather around and listen to this episode. It will change who you are from the inside out if you start applying these principles. Will is super open about his childhood, about his mom and his dad and some of his relationships. And he's just a national treasure. And again, it's one of my great honors in my life to call Will Godera like a close buddy.

And it wasn't... You just did a real life example of why most online dating profile things don't work out, right? Yeah.

And the way you said that that was really important to click on, it wasn't that... I get super horny when she's around because she's attractive. It's not that I feel finally worth something. It wasn't this you complete me. It was like, I don't know. I feel awesome.

Talk to me about charitable assumptions. Because I think that's a masterful gift for the person you're in a relationship with, but I think it's also a masterful gift for ourselves.

And I can't wait for you to check out this conversation. It will change your life. Stay tuned for my conversation with my good friend, Will Godera.

That the game changer for me was finding out that the stories we make up about other people... have a physiological consequence. When I start to see the towels on the floor and I think, my wife just left them there. Oh, she left them there. Dude, okay, get your mess. My body doesn't know that I'm not in a real fight. So it floods it with all the cortisol and adrenaline. It's ready to get go time.

And then she walks in, and I've been in a fight for 45 minutes with her. She has no idea, right? It's this strange, instead of that.

Looking for the snack, the catering. But it's that seeing those towels and thinking, good God, what must have her day been like? And I just pick them up. I had somebody call my show recently, and he's talking about coming home to his house, and he works so late and so hard, and his wife has a toddler in the house, and it's just not clean anymore.

I was like, bro, just walk in and pick up a vacuum, man. Like, for what? Assume that the day was crazy. Don't do that. Well, you know, mine was probably like, it's a... Or, I love how you said that, just have the conversation up front, because I've been guilty of... Not say anything, not say anything, not say anything, not say anything. And then there's a shoe. And I'm like, the shoe!

And everybody's bewildered, right? Because it's just a shoe. Or my poor kids. My wife has some context because she didn't know she married kind of an emotional goofball. But it's my kids that I don't say anything. They're late. We're running behind. They didn't clean up the room. They don't, they don't, they don't.

And then I just come unhinged off something little, and they're like trying to figure out dad. And that scale seems to be off to get that mad over this, right, or that frustrated.

And it's also a gift because I've come to believe that secrets kill relationships. They just destroy them. And whether it's business partnerships or relationships, romantic kids, whatever. And if you've just picked up a towel and you haven't said anything, and it's, I don't know why with our marriages, they get so existential so fast. Yeah.

If you were at my house and I left a towel, or you left a towel on the floor, I'd be like, Will, quit being a slob. And I'd put it up and then be like, hey, where are we going to go eat? But the person that you're closest to in the world. But if it's my wife, it's this, what is she trying to say? And it's so existential and dramatic. And so, and that's me.

But if she walks in the bathroom and I've just pricked her tail up and... She knows. There's, there's, she can feel it. There's something. And by me not addressing it as a way to get back, right? It's my way to throw a secret punch in the, like a ghost punch. It's just everything. It's just on, um, to use your words, unreasonable.

It's just a, it's just a decision to, to live a little bit more miserably. I don't think we need that.

I think it'd be cruel. I think it's cruel.

To send my wife on a story-making up adventure to figure out what's wrong with her husband.

Yeah. And I think most people don't realize that that gift is to their partner, but that's also a gift to yourself. Yeah. Because you just exhale.

Tell me about your disdain for the words, I can't. Hmm.

Or if you're not peppering them with these life lessons.

Woo! What's up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. I'm so grateful that you have joined us talking about your mental and emotional health, your families, your relationships, your workplace, whatever you got going on in your life. I'm here to sit with you, and we're going to figure out what's the next right move.

Yep.

But how do y'all do, how do you do friendships, new friendships in an ecosystem where pretty much everyone only just wants something from you? That's been my hardest transition is I still got the same friends that I've had, we lived in the dorm together and we made bad decisions together and now we're all old, right? You got those guys. I find it incredibly challenging

I go back to my parents and I've talked about the Mad Nauseam on the show, but the two things I learned from my parents, my dad being a SWAT guy, like when things get bad, you go in. So what'd you do? And my mom going to school at 42 and then now she's in her 70s. She was back to, she had retired, but now she's back to being a professor still. There's no such thing as you're too old.

You can't, it's not for you. Like there's no such thing as that. You just go figure that out.

and when i think about your dad he told you that and printed off notes but you have this like blueprint of a guy that did yeah he did raise an amazing son who never one second didn't believe he wasn't loved and he did teach his kid what the word fidelity and what integrity actually like not not not how you talk about it but here's what this looks like and he did you know as a successful restaurateur and and was like successful business like

Like we say that all the time, more is caught than taught, but he gave you a picture of what.

Yeah. Even if I have to embrace you as an employee and say, now's not a good time for you to be here. Right? And I remember used to tell my students, you know, I'd catch them with drugs. I'm like, you can't sell drugs here. The most graceful thing I can do for you right now is to say not right now.

You need to leave school. Yeah, my job is to. That's the greatest gift I can give you. Yeah. Yeah.

In fact, I think for me, it's been... I trained with MMA fighters for a while. I'd much rather... dress out an elk and carry it out of two miles up and down mountains and to sit down with my son and say, hey, man, I'm sorry. I was wrong. One of those is my wife, especially like, hey, I totally blew this. Over the last nine months, I've blown this and I'm sorry.

That's way on the manliness scale from like, I do hard things. It's way easier to go lift and go do jujitsu.

It's to say, how can I love you today? Yeah. That's hard. That's hard for me. And so if I'm looking around the scope of my life for what's the hardest thing I can do, it's that, right? With the biggest payoff as well. When you, as a guy who's been in the work, you've been training and leading people, right? Are you optimistic?

All I hear is negativity, and I've been out of the classroom long enough now that being out of the university system for five years is ages, right? Yeah. Are you optimistic about new workers coming in, younger workers coming in? There's just so much bad press. On work ethic, on character, on yeah, like this and that and this and that. And I've got my thoughts and opinions on it, but you're in it.

You see it.

to make new friends, either you start segmenting away with like, everybody wants something from this whole table, and that always feels weird. I remember leaving an event one night, and our kids were there, and everyone's kids were there, and my wife said, everyone at that home had a PhD or a JD, that's not the real world. I remember saying that, and I'm being like, oh yeah.

No, a leader's supposed to dictate to everyone around them how they want to be loved, Will. Right?

That's it, yeah.

I remember that what I would say is probably the single greatest gift that was given to me professionally was by one of my forever mentors, John Will Thompson. And he said, I see something special in you, but you're not there yet. So here's what we're going to do. You need to learn how to speak CFO, and you don't. And you need to learn how to speak president, and you don't.

And you need to learn how to speak these positions. And so you're going to start coming to me with these meetings, and you're going to sit in there, and you're not going to say anything. You're going to listen. You're going to watch. And that experience over the next X number of years was the greatest gift because it was my quote-unquote entitled, I want to be in that room.

I want to hear what's going on. Okay, you can come. And there's some boundaries to this. It's not a free-for-all. And I think he would tell you when I'd come out and say, why don't we do it like this? There's several times he was like, All right, that's a new idea. I hadn't thought of it. You know what I mean? And so it was a mutual good that raised everybody up.

But it was a very different, I am the boss and you will sit there and I will tell you when it's your turn. For sure. And again, I go back to, you write about this so eloquently, but what a waste of human.

Like I've employed you, all of you, but just to utilize you for this one thing is such a waste. Everyone has much more than that to give. Yeah. It's amazing. Thank you for being my friend. I'm glad you're in town.

I don't have any friends, and so this is going to be good for me.

But no, thanks for being a blessing and for coming to hang out, man. Thanks for having me. All right. That was my conversation with Will Godera. Can't you see why he's the most lovely, wonderful person who's ever lived? By the way. how you saw him on this episode is how he interacts with everybody, everybody.

And the story I told in this episode about him changing how I do live events and how I talk and interact with people backstage in front of stage in front of house out in the parking lots. Um, Will is a guy who I have decided I want to be like more and more and more. And I think the world would be better to be more and more like Will Godera. Send this episode out to all your friends.

Like and subscribe to the show wherever you can. And any and all things Will Godera are linked in the show notes. And if you're in for like, if you're like, man, I need some more attention before I go to bed. Start watching The Bear tonight. It is an action-packed restaurant show. Love you guys. Stay in school. Don't do drugs. And be kind to one another.

Find places where you can be unreasonably hospitable. It will change your life, their life, and all of our lives. Love you guys. Bye.

I think it's dangerous, man.

Because I have no things in common with those guys. Zero things. Other than our parents lived in the same street when we were all born.

If you want to be on the show, go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K, and fill out the form, and we'll go to Kelly, and she will figure out what's the next right move for this show, and hopefully she will get you on. All right, today, I invited my friend to be on this show, but that's kind of a hashtag humble brag.

Nothing else, right? And so, yeah, for me, it's performative.

But everyone's told us our guts are wrong. About health, about marriage, about love, about finance, everything.

Or a terrible podcaster.

No, like, well, it's funny because the things I wrote down to talk about today was I think for me, and I tend to look everything through a emotional health or relationship lens. I think you wrote the best parenting marriage book that I've read in the past decade with Unreasonable Hospitality. And we'll get to kind of dig it, pull it apart. But I kept thinking as I worked through that.

gosh dude this is the best marriage book ever right um and it but but it's very not popular and it's very in a strange way counter-cultural and it's similar to how you describe the restaurant culture as what you were doing just didn't make a lot of sense on paper even though you could prove it on a spreadsheet even though i can prove it with morale it just doesn't make sense because we don't do it that way yeah um it's not the air people are breathing

Very similar. There's some really heavy countercultural overlap between your book and marriage. But I want to go back to a moment. So you don't know this, I don't think. I don't think I've ever told you this. But you specifically... in a single interaction, transformed how I do my work in a way that, so I'm a private guy, and I'm also, shocking, I'm pretty introverted, right? I run out of gas.

Will Godera is one of the greatest men who's ever lived, and I don't say that lightly. Anyone who's ever been around him for more than 30 seconds is like, that's the greatest guy I've ever met in my whole life. I had an experience with Will backstage at a speaking event that changed my life forever.

And so, but I do love being on stage. That's my favorite thing is speaking on stage. This whole exchange is still odd, just because I love having deep, private conversations, and the thought of someone ever recording me sends me into... The fact that we're having this intimate moment together, but it's not intimate at all.

The thing that I lived and died by at all these events, right? So you and I, you speak all over the place, me too, and you end up on backstage with people just like, how am I here, right? There's that guy over there and there's Jalen over here. Those are just surreal moments we all have, right? So the thing that kept me from not spooling off was the speaker scores. I always went to, okay, who won?

And there's always audience surveys and things like that. That was always like, who won? Who's doing better? How's this person doing? How's this person doing? I need to get in my room and have this little bubble, right? The night that we first met, there was a dinner and it was me and you and Jade Simmons and Jocko and Dave Ramsey. And we're having dinner.

And by the time it's over, Jocko was full Jocko and Dave was full Dave. And Jade was like, her and I were both from Houston. So there's a little, but you came in and the whole table lit up. And by the end, this is going to shock, Jocko was reciting Shakespeare. It was this whole, it was a whole thing. So then we left, right?

And if you're going to go in front of 3,000 people and tell them something they don't know about business, you have to have some sort of courage or ego, whatever you want to call it. I have to think, I'm worth X dollars to tell you guys something. So I come down the next morning and it is Jade followed by me, followed by you, then Jocko. And I get down there. And you're the first one down there.

And I was like, what are you doing? You don't speak for like three hours. And I'll never forget you said, I'm here to watch you. I was like, what do you mean? And I was like, dude, I'm here to watch you. And when I got off stage, you and Jade were the first people to greet me off stage. Like backstage, big hug. I don't know you, man. We just had dinner.

But I remember thinking, oh, that's how this is. there is a grace and a giving and a hello and a, no, we had a great dinner. It was different than just a regular dinner. Like we laughed and told Shakespeare next to a Navy. So it was kind of fun. But you can lay around in your room and act dramatic for three hours, or you can go celebrate people.

And, Will, since that day, since that day, I remember thinking, that's how this is done. It's over. And so everything, every event I've done since then has been modeling I want to make sure I'm the last guy that sees somebody. I don't care how famous you are or how not famous you are.

You're going to make sure I saw you, and I am so grateful that I get to be here with you, and I'll be the first person you get to see when you get off. Backstage, nobody in the audience sees this stuff, but that's Will Godera.

And then Will was the executive producer of this little TV show called The Bear, which is the raddest winning every award show ever. In the show The Bear, they wrap their show around his New York Times bestselling book, Unreasonable Hospitality. If you haven't read this book, stop. right now, pause this and go buy this book.

It was just this lifting up. It was pretty amazing, so thank you for that.

I think I was scared about what was coming, right?

But Jade Simmons goes in heavy.

First one is, I didn't know my boyfriend was married. They are getting ready to move in together. Uh-oh. The last one was a man who fantasizes about other women while having sex with his wife.

Just us.

It's pretty good. Let's just say she and the wife came face to face.

And then the next one was, is my wife having an affair with the neighbor? And I think we all agree the answer was a definite yes.

I mean, yeah, we all know that, clearly. And then the last one was a man who fantasizes about other women while having sex with his wife. So there you go. Happy New Year, people.

Are you wanting me to, like, to go through the list right now?

Um, so I'm, I've kind of the past last half of 2024 really started taking a hold of my health. Um, so, you know, early in 2024, I started working out and consistently five to six days a week, every morning, 5am working out. And then I've started making some other changes and I'm down about 10 pounds.

So, um, my goal is to be, to continue on that, to lose a little bit more, just to feel better about myself. So that's probably my biggest goal is, um, yeah. When you have a special needs child, you focus on everybody else, but to kind of focus on getting myself at a better place.

Congratulations. There's some specifics, but that's the gist. What about you?

No, let's not. What about you? I'm sure it's to talk nicer to me and to be nicer.

All right.

In the form of some sort of gummy something.

I will tell you the flip of the switch and changing my mindset on the I deserve this time, this 5 a.m. super early in the morning. This is about me because I deserve it. It took a few months at the beginning of the year of just me like, I hate everything about this. But now it is such a joy to take that time because I do deserve it. And that mindset, and that's Sal 100% right there.

That has been such a game changer for me. And I really advise everyone try that.

It's the journey.

I do. Well, also because I have them written right here.

All right. So this one was, the first one is, I didn't know my boyfriend was married. They are getting ready to move in together. Whoa. And do you remember how she found out?

Yeah.

I think I know where we're going. I'm so happy. I'm glad you didn't do it at the beginning of the show because I wasn't here.

So this is as it should be.

What did you play?

Yes, you did. And I was there to witness it.

And there's also video evidence.

It was so much fun. Would you like to tell the people what I... So when I texted you when I left... And I told you that this would come back to haunt you at some point in time. What did you tell me?

And it was great. Oh, my gosh. You did a fantastic job on it.

You did a great job. The whole thing was great.

Like what? Hot cross buns on the recorder?

But prior to that, before that, you played a Motley Crue song. Yeah, I played Motley Crue. You did Kickstart My Heart.

There was a point whenever, of course, there was a big group of us team members here that were just having a great time dancing.

I did. Of course I did. I freely admit it.

And then I look up and John catches my eye. And the shame that was in your eye was fantastic. What was the song? You did... How do you remind me? I've been wrong. That it? Yes, that's the one. But it was great. Y'all, you did a fantastic job on it.

And I will say, because we had a ton of business leaders here, nobody else in the audience besides the very few of us that knew would have known you did it well. You hid it well.

You stuffed down those feelings and played on.

All right, so we got this from Jenny in New Carlisle, Ohio, and she writes, I was listening to the show, as I always do, when you were talking about if they will tell this story at my funeral. I laughed and smiled and thought, man, that is such a dad thing to say. As the mom of a four and seven-year-old with a husband who is always thinking of fun, I find myself being the stealer of joy.

So later that week, we had a ton of rain, and on the way home, my husband was finding puddles to drive through as the kids were loving the splash that occurred. As we were approaching the puddle, the kids rolled down their windows. By the way, Kelly speaking, that's giving me anxiety.

Everything inside of me hated it, but I laughed, smiled, and found joy in theirs as they stuck their heads out and were drenched by the splash. Water was all over our car, inside and out, and they asked us to do it again. We turned around multiple times doing the same thing as they laughed continuously.

I hope to replay that line in my head often, to let go and to bring them joy, even if it is messy.

See, I say this because I know personally people can be a fan of both.

Yeah.

I'm a huge country fan and a huge rock metal fan. I agree.

Yeah.

There's a very similar... Let's drink too much. You know, between the two. Yeah.

Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper.

If you're after the mile, I will be waiting. See, that's all I remember, time after time.

Well, I mean, it's called Time After Time, and that's the chorus, so I'm guessing. A little bit on the nose there.

A bit. But I...

No.

I'm not a jam band type of girl, so they definitely qualify as that. I mean, I'm fine with like ants marching, but I saw them in concert. They opened for somebody, and it was like three songs in an hour, and it's just not my thing.

Yes, but Boba Fett, that's a different person.

He's from Alabama. Yeah, totally different person.

Yeah, and he may be a bounty hunter as well.

Yeah, it's very different.

For meth dealers.

Han Solo.

I do. I know.

I mean, I don't have one, but that, I mean, if I was going to put, you know, Jedis are pretty cool. Oh, jeez. So I'm good with that.

We need some more, especially cool crap that happens. A lot of Am I the Problems. Y'all got problems.

And they want it to be other people.

But we need some cool crap that happens. So I know I tell y'all to email them in. If you could go to askjohn.com. And, or to johndelody.com slash ask.

Oh, really? Really?

Yes. If you'll go to that and put it in at the top of the question, put, you know, cool crap that happened or CCTH, that is the best way for those to get to us. And I would really appreciate it.

So this is from Amanda. Now this one came in at the end of last year. Okay. So keep that in mind. She said, We've already gone through the questions for humans for parents and kids, parents and teens that are currently going through the Thanksgiving deck. We drew the question about what we want to be grateful for in the next year. This morphed into an hour-long discussion with my now 13-year-old.

We have been continuing to discuss how we can implement these things today that will create gratitude in one year. We're planning a special day to map out our goals for the upcoming year. I love how these cards can be super fun and silly and can also be super deep. Thank you.

Seriously?

How about, like, if you came to a meeting I scheduled? Yeah, right.

All right. This is from, I'm hoping I'm pronouncing her name correctly, Myrta.

Yes. All right. She says, we are a family of five with three teens. Dinner time has always been a priority in our family ever since the kids were little. I always made dinner together happen. Now that the kids are older with jobs and high school and activities, it's nearly impossible to have everyone together at home at one time. I've had to grieve that a little bit. It was hard to let go of it.

However, I decided to replace dinner time with questions for humans, parents, and teen cards. I gather the family around 9 o'clock as many times a week as I can, and we do a few cards. When I first brought up the idea, the teens rolled their eyes at me and gave me the, bruh, why? I'm assuming she has sons because I've heard that. My husband was skeptical.

Let me tell you, it has been amazing, better than I expected." It's not about the questions on the card. It's the fact that each person has a space to talk, a chance to express an idea or dream. There are no wrong answers except a shrug or an I don't know. I've learned new things about my family. It has started conversations that otherwise would never have happened.

It has brought about admittance to failures or dreams. We just finished the deck a few nights ago and my husband has already asked if there's a second edition.

Yeah, because sometimes when you're so legalistic about this thing that we do and you grasp onto it so tight— You lose it anyway because you're forcing it to happen. And yet, if you want your kids to have jobs, like, you know, my son works two nights a week, they're going to be gone. Right. And they have lives. This is what's supposed to be happening.

They're supposed to be that kind of peeling away a bit, but she just found a different way to make it work.

Right. And then, like in this case, they end up loving it. Of course they do. Because it's very important.

So I admittedly am a bit OCD and I'm a clean freak. I like things exactly where they go all the time. But that's my hangup. That's on me. So my husband, who does not have that hangup in any way, he is closer to you. He likes piles of things. He will make the bed in the morning. And to me, I'm like, That's all the lines aren't straight, but that's on me.

So I'll wait till he leaves in the morning and I may go straighten it up. And I know when he walks in later that afternoon, he rolls his eyes, but I don't expect him to be that way.

Yes, Sheila and I are very much the same.

Yeah, like we have a place because I know that we are so different. This is where things can land. And as long as they land there... I don't say anything about it. I'm great. It's because you have to make those arrangements. But if I'm the one that has the problem with it, then, you know, you mentioned putting the spoons in the wrong place.

My daughter, when she puts the spoons up, always gets them backwards. First of all, who cares? But if I want to fix it, that's on me. Mm-hmm. because she's done what I've asked her to do to her capabilities.

And to my husband, the bed's made. Great. And I'm thrilled that he made it.

Exactly. And I'm fine with that. So I don't say anything... I'm like, great. You made the bet. Thank you. We always have whoever gets out of it last makes it. It's always him. Well, I get up at five. He doesn't. He doesn't get up at five. But yeah, that's on me, not him. But I will say that took me – that wasn't my natural bend. It was quite a few years of marriage before I came to that.

It was like, well, I want it done this way. And then I realized I grew up in a house where that was expected. He didn't. And so we had to come to a mutual agreement, and that was worth the peace and the harmony.

Yes, this is from Becky in Oregon, and she writes, Dear John, Kelly, and the team, the past couple years have been very tough for me. We had a church split during the pandemic, and I lost a lot of friends. I found myself very isolated and alone, but I listened to your show, and I decided to do something about it.

Five months ago, I started a girls' night out with seven friends to see who would show up. I'm happy to say that all seven of them have been coming once a month to dinner, even at different restaurants. Amazing.

I decided to invite anyone I have done something with outside of church and within the last, people that I've done something with outside of church in the last year, and it's a very mixed group of women. We all get along great and it has been such a lifesaver and so much fun. Thank you for encouraging people to have a new tribe, crew, face-to-face friendships. It works.

Sincerely, Becky from Oregon.

Practice what you preach, John.

Where are y'all taking the boys?

Okay, so it's not something where the boys will run off and do their own thing and y'all will be like forced to... Y'all will all four be there together.

And that's today?

It'll be great. It's beautiful weather. It'll be great.

Yeah.

That's how it was a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's annoying.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sure.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

100%.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

Mm-hmm.

All right, so here's the question. How is it that I save my best friend from a toxic relationship when he will not, and I repeat, will not listen to anybody about it?

Yeah, I mean... He just... I know he sees it. Like, I mean, there was a couple things that, you know, he could let go. I could even let go being his best friend and being, like, the one that is most protective of him. But, I mean, it just... Some of the things that are being pulled here, it just... I am flabbergasted that he hasn't pumped the brakes or stopped it already.

And he seems to be even endearing of the fact that she's been doing all these things for him. And I'm just having a real hard time understanding.

Um, over a year now. Um, and I know that kind of sounds like a short time, but it was just one of those things where we met at a bar, like through a mutual friend of ours and he might, um, he's like, Hey, you got to meet this guy. And we met and it was just like, Holy, sorry. Like, um, this guy's going to be the best man at my wedding.

Like, and it's been like that and on that trajectory ever since.

It's not even that he doesn't want it. He, he's so thankful that I care this much. And I've, I've seen, he's even admitted like, dude, I like, that's why we're brothers. Like, you know, you care about me this much or this protective over me. I mean, I just, I, I can't like even coming into the relationship for him is just, Like, girl already has baggage.

Like, I mean, she's got two kids, and she's only 20 years old.

Yeah, no, I totally understand what you're saying. It's just, you know, I could look past that. Like, that's one of the things I could look past. I could look past the fact that she has two kids. I could look past the fact that she dropped everything, quit her job, moved out of her place, and started living with him and got a job of where he's working at now.

But what I can't forgive is the fact that she gave up most of her rights to those two kids that she apparently loves. To the baby daddy who is... allegedly abusive. I don't, I haven't heard anything. I haven't seen anything like that, but I've heard a lot of, you know, a lot of rumors swirling. Like that's what she claims. I mean, I don't know if I automatically believe her.

I don't, I don't know anything about that, but for her to leave her two kids with him 99% of the time and give up most of her rights to be with my friend.

Okay, well, I guess it's a mixture of all. I mean, this dude, you got to understand, he is the most electric human being you've ever met. It's like everything is going to turn out way better than you can possibly imagine. Constantly has a smile on his face. He came at a point in time in my life where I couldn't have needed someone more like that.

And he has been there for me every through everything and goes both ways. And now he has this girl and he never doesn't have a girl like that. Isn't his problem. Like, it's not like he's desperate. He had a, he has a girl on the line every other week. And then he finds this, he finds this girl and you know, she seems nice and all that. And now I'm starting to kind of learn about her.

I'm just like, like, what are you doing, man? Like,

you're you are so close to stepping off a cliff here and like being trapped in this relationship i mean maybe that's what he wants i don't know but what i am seeing is that he's distant i don't think if i called him and chased after him he wouldn't he wouldn't chase after me or he wouldn't call me at all i know yeah i guess it's a little bit mix of jealousy it's a powerlessness dude

Yeah, it just, I mean, I've been trying to come at it from all angles. And I remember having a very candid conversation with them with one of the very most, just really offbeat, weird night. I was just out with a couple of friends of ours and he all of a sudden kind of just showed up. And so we were kind of talking and I'm like, like I'm kind of telling him like, dude, like this is, this is bad.

Like, I don't know if you see it. Like, he's like, yeah, no. Like, and this was before we learned about like her moving in and you know, the kids and the job and all that. Like, and I'm, I'm, I was still kind of like, you know, man, like this is, this is not looking so good. Like, you know, just from an outside perspective and he's like, dude, just kind of give her a chance.

Like, and I'm like, you know what? You're maybe you're right. I, maybe I've been too harsh. I'm going to give her a chance. Like genuinely, I will, I will try to give her a chance. Like I'm going to get to know her. And then, you know, I learned about all this stuff and like, I could let most of it go, but it really comes kind of down to the kids, the kids for me, man. Like even if you're,

maternal rights to your kids, to a baby daddy, who's abusive. I just, it makes me think, well, she's not going to be loyal to her kids. What makes you think she's going to be loyal to you? Yeah.

Oh my gosh, I had not thought of that in forever, but I, yeah.

When I moved here from Texas, my mom got me a calling card so I could call home.

Or if you want cell phones came out, you only talk to him after nine.

Right. That's bananas. I remember that. You text and you look up and see how many, like, dang it, I got like 10 days left and no text.

Yeah, so this one's a little longer, so bear with me. Excellent. And he asked that we not use his name, and we're going to respect that. First of all, we need some more cool crap that happens, and am I the problem? Awesome. So send them our way.

All right. Started listening from the beginning when you joined the Ramsey team. At the time we were about 11 years into marriage with two elementary aged kids. I was a dad who yelled and said sarcastic and mean things to my wife and kids. My wife and I had very little communication. We were having sex maybe once a year and did not know how to have difficult conversations.

I was working long hours, not available, drinking daily in the afternoons before I would come home to my family. Dinner time was stressful. I would stay up late working, watching movies and drinking, and then wake up exhausted. I needed caffeine and B12 to get me through the day. I was keeping secrets and we were unhappy and I was beginning to have health problems.

Many things from your show have impacted my living and caused me to make changes in my behavior almost from the beginning. One of the first things you said that touched me was yelling is abuse. It's childish and abusive. Also that secrets damage relationships. Another is the practice of letter writing to forgive myself and deal with past trauma and guilt.

Since listening to you, I've sought more counseling, forgiven myself for past mistakes. My wife and I no longer yell at each other or at our kids. Oh, yeah. We're off the annual plan. It was so helpful to learn and to hear that other married couples were struggling with the same issues. Helpful to learn that the 7 to 10 mark in many marriages is a common time of difficulty and resetting.

Appreciate you joining the team and that your insights are being shared across the globe. Keep up the amazing work.

I make my bed every morning. No questions asked. So I get that.

Right, one of us. I mean, it's made.

Which I'm impressed because I, you know, I too get up at five to work out. And this morning didn't. I was like, this is my day off, which means I have to work out on Sunday and I normally don't. So I have to.

Yep.

80.

Yeah, we all think that... We all believe the same thing that Paige did, that that's what she meant.

Yeah, and like we were talking about before the show started, regardless of which side you fall on, if you're in a great mood, I don't necessarily have to say which mood I'm in, but when I woke up this morning, literally my life hasn't changed. Last night to tonight. It won't, for the most part. It doesn't affect very much in my house. My husband and I You know, prices may go up or down.

I would never cover up my American flag. If I had one, I would never cover it. Well, it's smaller than your Dallas Cowboys tattoo. That's a tattoo of shame right now, but we won't talk about that. I don't have that either, but wow. But also, you know, because I'm a believer, I have a bigger belief than who's in the White House. So however it turns out, I'm okay. Yeah. I voted.

I made my voice heard.

I'm not a wallflower. We'll put it that way.

We have started the last few shows talking about how we won't know, we won't know, and I think we at least have to acknowledge that we know.

No, she's not. But we've spent the last few shows – so now these are coming out in December, but we've said we're recording these. Like we recorded yesterday on Election Day, and today's the day after Election Day. And we've spent a lot of time talking about how we don't think we'll know. We won't know until January or February, so we probably don't know.

I just want to say for future people, we know.

And there's feelings.

Lots of feelings, some good feelings, some not so great feelings.

There's feelings.

Oh, that friend that's right? Woo!

Actually, I'm not a math nerd. Overall, numbers are not my thing.

Yes, go ahead.

All right, this is from a friend Married pair of Marines. This is from Sharon and Owen Cisparo.

So Sharon Cisparo is a major U.S. Marine Corps retired. Awesome. And Owen is also, ooh, he's also an M.D. He's fancy pants. Dang. And major U.S. Marine Corps retired. So look at that. We've got fancy people that watch this show. Semper Fi. I was raised by a Marine, so.

Yeah, I was raised by one.

Yeah. All right. Hi, Dr. John.

Hi, Dr. John. Wanted to thank you so much for the questions for humans. My husband and I just celebrated our 10-year anniversary and spent every night of our anniversary week going on dates together and using the new intimacy questions for humans. Thank you. Know that our prayers for your continued work are with you. It's helping people in relationships heal. P.S.

We've passed along your podcast to so many people that the other day I mentioned it to a friend who was in a rough situation, and my husband just said he needs some Dr. Deloney. As two retired Marines, we have your podcast at the ready for any battle.

Yeah, I've never heard that, but that's super cool.

Retired Marines.

We very much appreciate it.

Seriously. Granddaughter of a Marine. Daughter of a Marine. Nephew is a Marine. Cousins are Marines. I think I'm okay if I say Semper Fi.

If it makes them feel any better, I've married ex-Navy. My husband is Navy. And my Marine Corps father is probably rolling over in his grave that I married a Navy man.

I didn't say it quite that way, but overall.

I just said, you mean one-half?

No, that's just Saskatchewan.

All right.

All right, so back in December of 2023, we spoke to a woman named Addie from New York. Her question was, she said, I'm a 56-year-old woman, and I feel like my life is over. I ruined my younger years with drugs and alcohol, and then the remaining years trying to fix what was broken about me, and I've run out of time. How do I not end up a miserable, regretful old person who dies alone? Okay.

Anyway, so Addie sent in a follow-up. One year ago today, I spoke with you on your show. I was a mess and hopeless that my life and myself could not get better. You gifted me numerous tools, FPU, EveryDollar, your books, and Ken Coleman's book. What a year. I got honest with two people close to me about my financial mess. They helped me figure out a plan using the Baby Steps.

I read both of your books. I've also passed them along to friends, took Ken's Coleman assessment, and did FPU. My life today is very different. I have a morning routine. I regularly exercise. I'm living on a budget. The best thing is that a former employer noticed a big difference in me and in May offered me a job with a $35,000 raise. Whoa!

When I called, I was pretty close to the edge, wishing that something would happen to me so that this could all be over. Now I cannot imagine thinking or feeling that way. I still have struggles with food and relationships, but hopefully those will work themselves out one day. Saying thank you isn't enough. I hope you come to the Northeast to speak one day soon so that I can properly thank you.

What a wonderful, wishing you all a wonderful holiday season. Thank you for all you do. We got this right before the holidays.

You know what happened to my finger.

No. It's on there for those that are watching.

Pretty much. So last week, I was making dinner with a mandolin slicer, and I cut off about the top, the whole quarter inch of the finger. I don't recommend doing it.

It looks gnarly. Yeah, because they had to cauterize it at the ER, so it's like all black. Here is a PSA to everyone. According to the nurse at the emergency room, it is the most dangerous kitchen appliance, and they get at least one a week in. So get rid of your mandolin slicers or at least use a glove or something. It's not worth the nicely chopped cucumbers. That's what I was chopping. Okay.

And you're not the only person that thought that either.

It's a mandolin slicer. You know what I'm talking about though, right? When you're slicing and it slices real thin slices of something.

But these are a lot faster, but they're very dangerous apparently. So it's just like a food slicer. And, yeah, a lot of people thought that I was really like shredding.

Like Duke Silver? So hard that I cut part of my finger off.

I wish it were, but that's not it, unfortunately. I was chopping up some cucumbers.

But...

Right.

Yes. We are giving Ray a free will. Amazing. Yes. Good call on that. Such a huge thing that she needs to do because it'll still, even if, you know, he doesn't have anything, it'll still go through probate. It'll still be, there's a lot of things. That's right. So, yeah, we're going to hook her up there.

I'm going to remember that.

Dang it.

Where would I go?

I know. I mean, there is no up from here. This is it.

Yeah, I think we'll make it. I don't know that we will know who the president is, even when this airs in December. I still think it'll be litigious. That's the biggest word you've ever used. Look at you. I know.

No, no, no, no. You're not taking any credit for that.

I hope so. Just because I want it to be done. I want it to be over at this point.

I agree. But I hope we're done.

2025.

You were doing so good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Yes. First of all, I need more cool crap that happened and am I the problem starting to run out? Please, please, please send those in to Ask John at Ramsey Solutions and make sure you put in the subject line cool crap that happened or am I the problem so we can read them.

All right, this is from Austin, and he says, after hearing on your show about the magical question, what does your picture look like, I knew it was something my husband and I needed to implement. We aren't the type that has huge arguments often, but when we find ourselves sad and even resentful at times when our picture for a day, event, et cetera, doesn't come out like we thought.

Really, it isn't that, excuse me, really that it isn't a fair frustration because we haven't even communicated those hopes out loud. Sure enough, when we have stated, when we've started asking each other almost daily, what does your picture look like? It has resolved so many of our smaller disagreements and disappointments.

We both know what the other has in mind and our hopes for and with that information, we can do everything in our power to make that possible. Thank you for sharing this tip and so many other things that we have learned from your show. P.S. I was out the other day and saw Kelly getting her latest Elvis tattoo.

I was fairly surprised that she chose to have it cover her entire back, but it looked pretty good.

Thanks, Austin.

Austin with a Y, so it's a she.

Yeah, everybody else, everybody's a little fried around the edges today. Being honest.

Yes, we actually watched Tombstone last night.

Great movie. It's one of my top five of all time.

41.

No. I'm not that old, first of all. I am older than this woman. But... A lot. Anyway. I – but the thought even of – regardless if she's close to my age or not, but of my 19-year-old bringing home – A 37-year-old? A 37-year-old woman. I spent most of the call just like trying to crawl back in my own skin because I can't.

Yeah, because four years difference. Yeah.

No. No.

I would be in jail. Let's just say that. I would probably be in jail.

Teardrop tattoo.

I would. Yeah. I can't even fathom how I would handle that.

I don't like it. My heart goes out to her because I can't even fathom how I would deal with that. Not well, probably.

Yeah. All right. Should we do one about the problem?

All right. This is from Molly and she writes, we are very involved at our church and I lead one of the ministries. So we regularly use our church's childcare for events throughout the week. Our 15 month old son recently moved from the nursery to the toddler room, which has a TV screen that is used to play music videos and Bible stories for up to two and a half hours at a time.

My husband and I have decided to adopt a screen-free approach at our home, given his young age, which is in line with the American Academy of Pediatric Guidelines. Okay. Okay.

Exactly. She can make the choice whether or not her child goes to that childcare, and if she doesn't like the way they do it, she can go.

For those that don't know, It's already been a tough show, and it just started. This is our fifth show recording this week.

All right, this is from Dominique. She says, my husband has never been a great gift giver. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, it always has me thinking of things for ideas for our family members, and he really puts no thought into any of it. When he buys things for me, I don't feel like he puts any thought or barely any into the gifts he gets me.

This year for Christmas, I gave him a list of about 10 gift ideas all with various price ranges. The only thing from that list he got me was candy and it wasn't even the kind I asked for. I thanked him for the gifts he did that he did get me and I haven't said anything further. However, I'm quietly upset about his lack of effort or thoughtfulness.

Do I have the right to be upset or should I just be grateful that I got anything at all?

I don't know if you remember, but I think it was after my birthday or Mother's Day a couple years ago. And I texted you because I had that same thing where I like to bake. And everything that I'd gotten for Christmas or my birthday or whatever it was, was kitchen stuff.

And I remember having my feelings hurt because I thought, oh, so this is all like, y'all just go in there and bank me something, you know? And I've reached out to you and you said, well, have you ever told him? I was like, well, no, he should know. And you were like, no. And so this past year was the first year that I said something to my husband and he said, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

I just know you like to bake and I thought these were things you'd want. And then I was like, he's right. They were things I wanted.

Right. I get that. And I did. And then he's like, and so he was, he was. so upset and baffled that I thought this. And then I realized, well, yeah, because he knows I love doing that and he's buying me something he loves that he thinks I'll love. And the thing was, I did like most of them, but this year he, I asked him, I said, would it help you if I gave you a list? And he said, tremendously.

Now the difference is he got me almost everything on my list and for him, it took the pressure off. I got what I wanted and it was great. And he got me a few surprises and it was great. Now, she may have to have another conversation. I had to go a layer deeper and tell him why those gifts quote-unquote hurt my feelings, which is stupid, but the idea of what I was feeling.

And then he was like, oh, I'm so sorry I never meant that. And then when he explained why he got me those things, I realized, oh, that's really sweet. It was just a conversation.

Oh, I think it happens a lot.

There's a SNL. You could look it up with Kristen Wiig where she's the mom and it's all Christmas morning. And it's hilarious, the whole thing about her getting just a robe. It's worth watching. Yeah. But also, you know what? If you don't like what he gets you, tell him, hey, get me gift cards and let me go shopping. That's right. Because I love to go shopping with other people's money.

So tell him that. Yes. Make it easy.

I'm glad.

I genuinely don't know, but I was thinking if you ask me, I'm saying like Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, just to really, really put in there that I'm millennial.

You're right. Avril Lavigne, all of them. Oh, my gosh. They're classic.

Like you're so worth it. I'm going to change for you.

Yeah.

Yes.

Oh yeah.

For sure.

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

I was so lonely.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yes, absolutely.

He would.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Of course.

Right.

Okay.

All right, this is from Cheryl in Cleveland, Tennessee. She says, how do I tell my sister who I love and respect that I don't want her to evangelize to my neighbors and strangers when we are out together? We are of different faiths and it is difficult for me to feel comfortable after she does this. I have tried, but I think she believes that she is doing God's work and that trumps my opinion.

So she continues.

Yeah, it does sound like. I mean, she's already told her, so.

I think at this point, the ball's. I don't think she's the problem. I don't think there's a problem here. But now she gets to choose.

Yeah.

Cheryl.

I'm just playing.

Yeah, it makes me wonder almost, and this is purely conjecture. Does Cheryl, I mean, she said they were of different faiths.

Doesn't like the message, yeah. And it may be, I don't know if Cheryl is of like, I don't want to say no faith, but you know, she's a non-believer or just a completely different faith.

But I think, yeah, is the issue that Cheryl has more of an issue with it.

None of those.

Yes, that's by choice.

Yeah.

In my own way.

Without having to be joyful myself.

Trying to inject some color into a very drab winter. January is just...

You know?

Well, like yesterday, I had on all black, black shirt, black pants, everything. But I had on hot pink shoes because I was like, dang it. We'll wear some color somewhere.

Hey, I wanted to point out real quick, and you and I talked about this off air, but if our previous caller is listening, just Google the poem, Welcome to Holland.

Why is it... Poem, poem. What is it I say weird there?

Poem?

A story. Poem. It's a short story called... Poem sounds like a... Poem. Poem. A poem. Is that better?

Anyway, a short story written by a woman, a special needs parent. It's called Welcome to Holland, and it's just a great story about – this is from a mother's perspective of giving birth and thinking that I'm going to have a quote-unquote typical child. And then you have a special needs child. But it's a great way to think about it of this isn't better or worse. It's just different.

And now I have to think differently. But to any – I was thinking about that with her. It's a great story to read. The whole idea is you've planned for a trip to Italy. You've got – you've done all the research. You've got all the books. You've done everything you could do. You get on the plane because you're going to Italy. You've planned for it for months.

You get off, and they say, welcome to Holland. And you're like, wait, what? Yes. So now all of a sudden Holland is beautiful.

But I'm not in Italy. Right. But I'm here. It's pretty cool. But I have to learn now.

I didn't plan for any of this, so now I have to learn about it.

And then the idea is, but the tulips, the whole like thing about it is, but the tulips are pretty in Holland. That's right. Yeah. So it's a great, I mean, story, short story, whatever we're calling it.

No, I don't think I'll be downloading that one on my playlist anytime soon.

Yes, I know. I can tell.

Just not sound like Sebastian Bach, just so we're aware.

All right, so this is from Jessica, and she says... I read a lot. I'd say 40% romance books. Many have explicit scenes. I've recently gotten to a discussion with a friend, and I'm wondering if I'm the problem. A friend said I was reading porn, and it is the same as watching porn. I disagree for two major reasons. One, no real person is being harmed, trafficked, taken advantage of.

Regardless of where you stand on sex work, there's actually none of that happening in books. Two, if my book is 300 pages, maybe 30 or 40 pages is quote unquote porn. The rest is enjoyable. That's fine because of the other 80 to 90% that's actually character development and plot. Even in the quote-unquote smut books that are 50% explicit, I'm still reading 150 pages of plot. What do you think?

Are explicit romance books just as bad for our minds and bodies as videos? And my ruining my chances for healthy relationships? Or is mixing in a little romance between real books okay now and then?

No, I did not. But I was, never had really thought of it this way. And I was very, very curious to hear your thoughts on it.

Oh, yeah.

I tried to read the first one of those and could not even get into the book. But the Game of – A Court of Roses and Thorns or whatever. But there's a whole – I think that's a whole genre now, fantasy.

I don't know what you call it. It's like Hogwarts after dark, right? Yeah.

I think I agree with you pretty much 100% on this. I would love to see like a brain scan because we've seen brain scans of when men watch porn.

Yeah, I would love to see a woman reading one of these books, what it does. Is it the same? Because I'm like you, I don't think it would be, but I don't know. They're not the type of books I read.

I read three kinds, murder, history, or biographies. That's pretty much all I read. Right. But I did try the – because I knew the whatever court of – whatever it was called, the fairy porn. I tried, and I was like, I can't. I mean, they're not even human. Whatever.

Yeah, Hogwarts has kids in it, so let's not. That's a children's thing.

So let's not besmirch that.

But I agree with you that I can't think it's the same, but I think it's all about the – Escaping. If you are escaping something and this is your real life.

Oh, yeah. Sometimes I just want to read a book. But it's being intentional.

I'm intentionally, I don't want to deal with this. I'm going to just get to live in this world.

Maybe that's it. If you can't have a life outside of this world, then we've got a problem. There you go. But it is a thing now. It is a huge, huge money-making genre now.

Yeah.

I think the first one, I mean, Fifty Shades of Grey started all of it. I think that was the first one.

Fifty Shades of Grey.

I think that was the first one I remember hearing about.

Yeah, but that was the first one I remember hearing from even my friends. Like, oh my gosh, I read this book. And I'm sure it was out there before, but not that explicit. Gotcha. Yeah.

I hope not for people. That's not good if it does.

Yes.

In the show notes below this episode. I don't even know what that means. Luckily, I do.

Okay.

Okay.

Yes.

Probably both.

I wear these quite a bit.

Yeah.

Anywho.

All right.

You done?

Okay. So this is from Pearl, and she asks, when I was nine years old, I started asking for a puppy. At the time, my parents asked me if I understood the responsibility of having a dog, and of course I said yes. My parents generously surprised me with a dog on my 10th birthday. Now the dog is 12 and still lives at their house because my apartment does not allow pets.

They want me to pitch in money for his vet bills and haircuts. They say he is my responsibility since he is my dog. I think that he is their responsibility because even though I asked for him, I was nine. And they should know that I really did not understand the long-term commitment and cost of having a dog. They bought the dog with their own money and brought him into their house.

Paying for dog bills is not in my budget, and I do not believe it is my responsibility. And I have refused. This makes my parents upset with me and all of the drama. Am I the problem?

Okay.

When she moves out, when she goes to college or whatever.

Like we have a dog and he's technically my son's dog.

Right. And we got the dog. And when he moves out, the dogs will probably stay with, well, the dog will stay with us because he'll be a 19 year old with, that doesn't need a dog.

I also had a basset hound named Molly.

Yes. Great basset hound name.

Mine was pretty great.

Because you got the dog.

Apparently, it's where they are.

Let's just end this.

Yeah.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

33.

I think that, I think you did a great job on that, no question. And as a mother, I know where you're coming from, but I don't think having kids is for everyone.

Yeah.

I think that there are some people that, for whatever reason, shouldn't, can't, don't want to, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now as a woman, if you say like, I don't want to have kids, that's hard because we're supposed to. You know, because there was a point in my life, because I've known, you know, since I was a teenager that I couldn't biologically have children.

There was a point in my life when I was okay with that.

And I remember, but it's like, but then, you know, what's your purpose, basically, you know, for living? And, but, so that's hard as a woman to say that I don't want kids, because I think you get a lot of flack. But I just don't think it is for everybody.

Right. Well, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Like, what do you mean? Um...

Yeah, I'm picturing you in a tutu now, which I'd rather not.

Trust me, it's not my choice. No, I get it, and I understand that.

Yeah, and like I said, as a parent, I understand where you're coming from on it 100%, but I also know it's just not for everybody.

And we don't want it to be for everybody. I mean, not because it's exclusive to only these people, but... Some people shouldn't.

Can't. Yeah, and I mean, I understand that. You know, ours were adopted. Heck yeah. But some people just want to be the best aunt or uncle, and we need those people.

You know?

Right, and that makes sense. So, yeah, I get it.

No, I don't think you stepped in it at all. I just wanted to mention that little piece. And again, we talked about this before. Just for those that are sitting out there right now that are like, I have no desire to ever have children. My husband and I are fine. And they're okay with that.

And they're fine with it.

There's a lot of people on this earth. A lot of people. Maybe a few less isn't a horrible thing.

Follow, subscribe.

I love the holidays. I'm going to my husband's family and I love them. We have fun together. Great. Fantastic.

Holiday today here in the booth.

Yes, so this is from Joseph. Not real sure where he's at. A team that had a 0.2% chance of making the playoffs in August is now one of the hottest teams in baseball. Their first victim? The Houston Astros.

It is. And it says, I just want to finish the email to give this guy. He wrote the email. So the Houston Astros, maybe they would have won if they would have used some trash cans. Go Tigers.

It was. And I'm pretty sure it was fun for Joe here as well that wrote it in.

Probably.

They took some notes from how my Cowboys are every year. Like, how do y'all handle it?

It was like a how-to meeting. Communication system in Dallas. How to handle the playoffs when you're not in it.

Okay.

Okay, so we have heard you tell adult children that their parents don't get a vote when they're making decisions for life choices.

Yeah, we appreciate that. We appreciate it.

Yeah. No. It's... Yeah. Yeah. No, I appreciate that. And that, I mean, it's, that really is where we've landed and, and still questioning, like, are we doing the right thing? You know?

It is. It is. Because we're the parents.

Well, you know, we'll start by saying we don't disagree. Like, we get it, right? Oh, man, I thought we were going to fight. We've got boundaries.

Yeah, well, but I'm going to ask you to put a comma at the end of the sentence and not a period. Okay.