On today’s episode, we hear about: · A couple wondering if they should stop bailing out their adult son · A young woman struggling with the aftermath of an abortion · The consequences of cutting family members out of your life Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at Bon Charge. 🌿 Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: Should we stop helping our adult son?
But he never has had to, has he? No. No.
Um, no, even when he's not lived with us, he's had other people that have helped.
But just, just sit in that for a second, just sit in that for a second. This isn't about judgment or blame. This is just an is.
Yeah.
It's easy to look back and go, Oh my gosh, in college we stepped in and, and then the first job afterwards we stepped in and, and then this one thing and then this one thing and this one thing. And now he's 33 years old.
Yeah.
And so I think there's a tension here. And the tension is if I think my kid, I don't care how old they are, if I think my kid is about to cross a line where they're not going to be alive anymore, I'm going to step in. And it might be institutionalization.
It might be me fighting to take their civil rights away so they have to go through an inpatient treatment program or something, but I'll step in when I can. But until then, the greatest gift I can give my kid is they've got to understand how the world works.
Yeah. Yeah.
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Chapter 2: What are the consequences of tough love?
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Maybe she sent me a text message or something, but let me know that one in four, 25%, 30% of every incoming email or phone call to the show, which is thousands we get, one out of four at the minimum is talking something about I cut my parents off. I've cut my kids off. I am no longer talking to my brother and my sister. This family's just blowing each other apart.
And it's all, boundaries are super important. And I live and die by boundaries. They're critical. But now we've reached a point when it's beyond boundaries, when it's uncomfortable, or I don't like your opinion, or you got a COVID vaccination. So get out of my family. You can't come to Thanksgiving or you didn't get a COVID vaccination.
And these five and six and seven year old, like, you know, back in college, I needed $30 from you and you didn't come through for me. So I hate you. And then we have adults who are just dealing with being 35, dealing with being 40 and being 35 and 40 is just annoying and hard and scary. And we thought our life was going to look different and it doesn't. And then mom calls and she's annoying.
Dad calls and he's frustrating or he's grumpy or he doesn't, whatever. And it's just, I cut you off. I'm cutting you off. I'm cutting you off. So Kelly and the team dug into some of this research and I tried to clarify a couple of things. One, what's actually going on across the country with family members cutting each other off? And when is it okay to cut somebody off?
This is just Deloney's opinion. So you can take this as what you want. And what can you do? when we're thinking about cutting off family members, drawing boundary lines, saying, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out. All right, so here's a couple of data points. 29% of Americans report being estranged from an immediate family member.
So that actually fits with our data, about 30%, such as a parent, child, sibling, or grandparent. 27% of Americans have experienced estrangement from a family member. 56% of Americans have had a falling out with a close family member at some point. And 21% have experienced a rift that never reconciled.
And, man, this can be – these disagreements or these rifts come from lifestyle choices, come from value disagreements, from past abuse and trauma, blatant disregard for boundaries, or being a whiny hiney, being a brat. And adult parents can be brats. Kids can be brats. Somebody's being a brat, right?
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Chapter 3: How do I cope with my adult child's struggles?
False.
True.
False.
You have a spreadsheet of all the shirts I wear in the right order.
They're all black.
So they match your tattoos. True. True.
There we go. One of us lies a lot. One of us doesn't.
One of us has curly hair and one of us doesn't.
Well, exactly. You're right. And I'll let America decide who's who on that. No, but yeah, I mean I – we both had to come to an agreement that, hey, I don't care – if you put your clothes away or not, but if I just put this basket here, will you just toss them in there instead?
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