Kelly Mantle

But before we... 7969 Peanuts. Do you know about this? No.

Because I know your stories. I know your story.

On 7969 Santa Monica Boulevard.

Peanuts. It was a bar, 7969 Santa Monica Boulevard. It's still there. It's something else now. Raja would perform there. Delta would perform there. RuPaul would come and watch the show. And it was a bar for the dolls.

What do you mean HD? HD. Don't give me an HD. Kelly, don't use your sexy voice, please. This is my sexy voice. Is who's gonna fuck me? Are you gonna fuck me? Wait, do I have, is this on? Yeah.

Seven, nine, six, nine peanuts. And then the other one that I was telling Trixie they had was called The Lodge. But that was where all the cross-dressers would go, like the trappers.

No. The Lodge is giving, like, DL. And it looked like a lodge. It was very, everything was brown.

And usually they show up with their wives because their wives are usually supportive of their cross-dressing.

Usually, yeah. And they love the dolls. They love the dolls.

I'm like, girl, this ain't that kind of kiki. We ain't going to turn the kiki into a kai kai. Have you done the kai kai? No. Oh, Jesus. Absolutely not.

No. I have not done the kai kai.

I mean, listen, you ain't woman enough to take my man. I don't know. I mean, I have been in many lesbian relationships.

Yes, I've been in many lesbian relationships. My very first girlfriend, like, real relationship, she was a Madonna lookalike. Oh, for real? Yeah, for real. It was Venus Delight. No. Girl, that scene of her hitting the mirror in the dance room and the thing and the thing.

It's Kelly. Let her rip.

I am Madonna. And then she takes the wig off. Venus. It's fucking cinematic.

I was in an Uber the other night in a little SUV and I was back there on my phone and I had the window rolled down and there were two gays at the bus stop and they were like, Taylor? Like, look over. Dane? I know. Yeah. And I roll up the window and it goes up and they're like, Oh my God, that was Taylor Swift. Like I heard them scream.

Cause I had like bangs and like the thing and shitty blonde hair.

It's either that, exactly, especially when I'm playing my guitar, but it's either that or Christine Baranski. So it's like a whole spectrum.

I think, no. See, I can't do that. Who would I do? I would do Cher. Yeah, Cher. I would do Cher. You got the eyes. Yeah.

Hold on. Let me find the placement of this microphone so it can cover my face. All right. Perfect. Why are you Barbara and Oprah Winfrey right now? You're like... I know. I'm slouching. I'm always like that. Even when I sleep. I sleep like a vampire. I love your outfit. I'm literally just like this.

Thank you. Do you drive, Kelly Mantle? Do I drive? Yeah. She drives like a sports. Honey, I love to drive. I love my muscle cars. I like to put the top down. I have a 79 Camaro with T-tops.

The T-girls and the T-tops, girl.

Oh, sometimes.

If the seatbelt doesn't match your outfit.

Do you remember when we went to that club there in, I think it was Australia?

That was fun. And I love that you always throw in, give me, give me, give me a man after midnight.

Have you ever meshed Gimme, Gimme, Gimme a Man After Midnight into Madonna's Hung Up?

I know. Well, she actually samples it.

I was really surprised it wasn't part of it. I was hoping she was going to add Rescue Me, too.

That's like a deep cut, though. I know, but she said in an interview that she would add it. I think Bob helped her with the set list. It's all y'all's fault, Bob.

Shut up.

Get here. Never heard it. Get here if you can. It's on Confessions. Oh. It's song number two. Okay. Get here. I've hung up. Anything from Confessions, anything from Like a Prayer, she'd have to throw in Burning Up. She did Burning Up in the store. She did Burning Up. I think she opened with it, didn't she?

James is all over the place. He's a wiggle city limits. And I'm literally like... Wiggle city limits? Wiggle city limits honey.

Yes, exactly. I mean, there's so many. Frozen. I mean, my gosh.

Yes, my baby's got a secret.

And I love Borderline.

Hey, Mr. DJ, put a record on. I want to dance with my baby.

I mean, that woman, my gosh. I am just... I just saw Cindy when I did her thing Oh you did Cindy She did basically everything I hoped she would do Including when you were mine With that Prince song Yes I love the cover of the Prince song I was like it's a Prince song maybe she won't do it And it was amazing Did she do And I'm heading west Heading west

What was it like being on stage singing with her?

Terrifying.

I have no idea what I'm doing, y'all. Great. I mean, I'm not much of a talker.

semi-nude podcast I love talking semi-nude I love what I'm doing semi-nude podcast I love touring I love touring I don't know what you're talking about I love to tour I love to tour I go through hell talking on the microphone I love podcasting No, it's a lot of fun. I mean, it's basically just me with good friends or new friends and we kiki. Um, and I had a, I, I, I had a Tammy, Tammy's on it.

Um, Angeria is on it. Coco had Coco Peru. Um, and then, uh, we had a psychic medium and should I tell it? Yes. Yes. Y'all are my executive producers. You let me know.

Yep. They said it's okay. Okay.

What, the airplane? I love the airplane sounds. Because it also means a transition in life. And we just all brought up the psychic medium. I proved to you last time I was psychic.

It's Carrie Colby Airlines. Who is the psychic? Mancuso? Sherry Mancuso. Thank you. Sherry Mancuso, she was very popular. She's still very popular. But she was big on the talk show circuit in the 80s and the 90s.

And Sally Jesse Raphael. Sally Jesse Raphael, all those. And she gave me a reading. She had her eyes shut. And she told me my grandmother was coming through. And I said, now, I'm not going to believe this. I said this to myself as I was sitting there. I was like, I won't believe this unless she brings up the horse. The horse? The horse. The horse. The horse.

Yes. Honey, I'm always dressed for a funeral. I mean, it's usually my own. But this is actually Kate Moss.

They might have been whores, but they were horses. Because my grandma, right before she died, said, Kelly, did you see the white horse at the top of the street? And I said, now, Carl, there aren't no horses because we're in Oklahoma City. She was asking you for cocaine. Yeah.

Which I could have provided. And it might have kept her alive. So you killed your grandmother? I killed my grandmother because I didn't supply her with coke. Right.

I don't because I've never told the story about the horse other than to like you know close friends and family like you know whatever never live on a thing and I'm sitting there and she has her eyes shut and she opens her eyes and looks at me and says what's the story about the horse that's very creepy damn I was like what you said I have a long face okay so what did you gag did I gag like did you I would have flipped out like gotten the chills and everything

Oh my God, I freaked out because I literally said it to myself right before she said it. I told myself, I don't believe this woman's real. She's giving very general things. And I said to her, she shut her eyes and I said to myself in my head, if she doesn't bring up the horse, I'm not going to believe this woman. And she literally opened her eyes and said, what's the story about the horse?

Yes, I didn't even know she had a clothing line. She's got an agency.

She, um... She worked with, like, FBI and detectives and police departments to help locate, like, dead bodies.

I wanted to find the one that Tammy Brown was talking about.

I watched your interview with Reese Belanche this morning. It was so good.

Well, I tried it on in the dressing room and I immediately wanted to snort coke and tear up a hotel room, honey. I felt like the only 90s supermodel.

Bette Midler. I mean, he wrote all the jokes for all the legends. I know.

Wild. A joke writer, honey.

My favorite part of the podcast is the ending. Is when it ends. Kelly, we're trying to promote that you're, you know, chatty. My favorite part of the podcast is the beginning. I love when it begins and I get... I get to talk and engage.

It is free of charge.

If you go to the youtube.com and you type in Kelly Mantle, my little channel is going to pop up there toward the bottom.

And we're also available anywhere where you get your podcasts is available to you right now. Anywhere availability is available for podcasting and podcasts and availables.

But that's who you felt before you put it on. Well, this is true. No, that's who you were before you put it on. Speaking of supermodels, the Alex Conte.

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Yes. The Lesbian Transgenders Left.

Kelly Mantle Podcast.

Now, am I doing this right?

It really is. I mean, I think what happens is things come to my mind in the middle of conversations. And so it can go from A to Z very quickly without much transition going on. Unpredictable.

Kind of like my gender identity. It just goes from A to Z very abruptly.

I lost my virginity to the Madonna lookalike. And so I was a freshman in college. Wow. Yeah. Damn. Isn't that wild? I lost my virginity to a woman who looked like Madonna. Damn. Wow. It was the most amazing, immaculate misconception.

They are. Do you know your girl made these? Amy. You had Amy make you black leggings? Yes. Well, it was part of a gown.

Madonna. Yeah. Do you remember the song? Justify My Love.

And it had just been banned on MTV.

I fucking hate Christmas. I'm sorry.

Honey, listen. If I had children, then I would decorate and do the whole thing because, you know, it's for the children. But we are adults. We are celebrating a day for a man who was born to a virgin woman. To all you virgin mothers out there, I see you, Mary. I mean, there's only one.

Hashtag tax the churches.

Exactly. You know what I mean? I'm going to go with the latter.

Well, no, I did get a paper cut on one of my phlobian tubes one time. They were trying to put a post in there to remind them.

An old boot. No, he did not know that. But he's going to know now. Thank you so much for revealing that here on the podcast.

I mean, I don't think we talk about it because it's kind of one of those things that's off limits. But I think he knows.

I mean, to cut in with actors and athletes and rock stars and washed up stars.

Well, you know, I love a good fishnet into a shoe.

And Katya are sobered. No, you know the answer to this. Modern Family. Oh, who? Remember? I don't remember. Our pod that we did together. That was so long ago. Sofia Vogel-Royarga.

Maybe it was just a bad day. I'm just going to say it was a bad day. Of course. Because she's hilarious and beautiful and talented and gorgeous and wonderful. So I'm sure it was just a bad day. She's a lot of a bad day. We worked together on the set and it was not the most pleasant experience I've ever experienced.

It wasn't toward me. It was the way that some of her staff was being treated. And one of the big things was that in the episode, she's wearing a wig. And so they kept wanting to put bobby pins in the wig. And she kept telling them no bobby pins. So in the shot, they yell action and I'm supposed to put the crown on her. So I put the crown on and then they say cut.

All that just for that. Yes. You could wear a fishnet sock. Well, the problem is... Well, it is a sock. That's the problem. Touche. The problem is I wanted to go bare-legged, but... She looked over here like... I wanted to go bare-legged, but I was cursed with knobby knees.

And she's like, watch out for the wig. You're putting the crown on my head. And I said, well, girl, you should have put those bobby pins in. Kelly I know It just came flying out of my mouth So But you know It was more than that But that was one of the little things That happened that day That was a fun day Did she beat the shit out of you?

She did Yeah She She beat the shit out of you Well she ruptured my fanny bone Did you have any clothes on? No She snapped We did the whole thing nude It was a very modern family It was Halloween Halloween episode? Oh wow I know Do you like Halloween? I love Halloween. Every day is Halloween for me. Well, you dress for it. Every day is Halloween for me.

My favorite Halloween costume I've ever done? Wonder Woman. I did Wonder Woman.

I also went one year with a guitar and a Darth Vader mask and called myself Darth Brooks. That's funny.

Well, it wasn't the bars. It was a stage thing. Wow. That's funny. And I didn't want to put on makeup that day, so I was Darth Brooks.

I was. I was a huge fan of drag shows and I would go to the clubs all the time and watch drag shows, but I never really was in the drag shows at the clubs.

So when I did Drag Race, I didn't have that five-night-a-week experience of putting looks together and styling hair and putting, you know, outfits together and makeup and the whole thing. I had usually always had it done for me or, you know, was doing it for a character that I was playing or something like that. So I really got in over my head on that one. Damn.

But it's one of those things where they say, you know, like when you go into an audition, they say, do you speak Russian? You're like, sure. And then you go home and like figure it out because you just want to get the role. So it was kind of like, oh, shit. They'd been asking me to be on Drag Race for so many, you know, the first two seasons. And then it dropped off and they didn't ask me anymore.

And then season six came rolling around. I thought, well, I can do this. How hard can it be?

I was so used to being on sets where you kind of get to ask them, can you put the camera over on this side? Because this is my good side. I was on the set of Drag Race. And I didn't realize, because I'd never been on a reality show before, the cameras would come over here and I'd be like, can you all come over to this side and shoot me from this angle?

And they're like, Kelly, you can't talk to the camera people. And I'm like, well, why not? And so when Rue came up to our workstations... I said, could you stand on this side since the cameras are right here? That's why they cut you. That's why they sent me home. Because I didn't think anything of it. I thought, oh, everyone just works like that and they'll be cool with it, you know?

Because Rue's gorgeous. She's got two good sides. And she looked at me and she's like, okay.

Yeah. Damn. But I didn't know that you weren't supposed to do that.

Nobody does that. Not when you're sitting in chairs that are too low to the ground, because your knobby knees are the only focal point.

I asked very nicely. I said, do you mind...

Is that a sexually transmitted disease?

Yes. I actually don't know what Ford Mongolian seals are either.

Yes. I think. Well, no, actually, I'm not. I meant to send you one the other day. I sent you this thing. Did you get it? Sent me one? I sent you a text. Oh, a text. Tech savvy.

Oh, no.

I think I do. This reminds me, I had a dream about Trixie a couple of months ago. And you were the spectrum cable person. And you showed up in, like, overalls. But you were dressed as Trixie. No, you climbed up to the top of the cable pole. Yes, in overalls. And you were trying to unhook my cable. And I was knocking on my window going, why are you unhooking my cable?

You were the spectrum cable woman. The cable woman. That came to my thing. So no, I don't have a satellite dish. I have spectrum cable.

You had on brown shoes. Oh my God. You had brown shoes. I just remember brown shoes. Because they were dangling from the pole. Dangly brown shoes. Dangly brown shoes. Yes. And you were the spectrum cable woman.

No, I love my workout gear. What's going on there? It's all black and everything is like skin tight. I love it.

I wear a hat, but no cape, but I do wear a hat. And my little workout jacket that I love to wear has shoulder pads, like little mini shoulder pads in it.

I know.

Elliptical. Okay. I do 30 minutes on the elliptical. I do 20 minutes on the bike and I lift at the same time.

And then I lay the mat out and I do my crunches. And then I do a pull down bar thing. And then I do my butt exercises. And then I sit in the sauna for 10 minutes. Conti.

But I'm a germaphobe, and so I don't do well in gyms, and so what I do is I carry these little out-of-order signs with me in my gym bag, and I will put them on the elliptical next to me and the elliptical over here, so that no one will come and get on the machine next to me.

And I also put one on the sauna when I get there, so that no one gets in the sauna before I get into it.

And then people will come up and go, out of order. I just scream because I have my headphones in and I can't. I just go, out of order. Keep walking, sweaty. But I don't understand this because this is the reason I do it. There will be a line of 10 elliptical machines and a person will walk in. All those will be empty and they'll get on the one right next to you.

I know. So that's why I started doing it.

I'm very efficient.

I had Bally's. I was a member of Bally's.

I think they're still taking money out of my account. But this is a smaller, more private gym, but it's still busy all the time. Oh, yeah. I don't like that.

I did one with you and I did one with you in the pink studio. Now we're blue. What do you think about the blue, Kelly? It reminds me of a place I used to stay at a mental hospital. When I first moved to LA, I had like a mental breakdown for a minute and they threw me in the loony bin because words would not form out of my mouth.

What, your Dave and Bester points?

I want to go with you. Girl. I love Dave and Bester's. I've never been.

No. We're going.

We're having a date night out at Dave and Bester's. There's a wonderful one there on Hollywood and Highlands where James and I go all the time.

I went at the basketball hoops.

Nice little flow through with that wrist. And I want a little necklace that had a K on it. For what? For Kelly.

They can find me on my YouTube. Type in Kelly Mantle and you will find the podcast there. The podcast is available on Apple Podcast and Spotify and the Spectrum cables. And you can find me on TikTok and Instagram and Blue Sky. I'm on Blue Sky now.

I think my blue sky is just Kelly Mantle, but my Twitter is the Kelly Mantle.

4K raw images. I don't know what you're talking about.

I mean, y'all are so easy to listen to. Y'all spant her back and forth. Listen to her or die.

You hate the lesbian transgenders and the questioning IAs.

And the only way I was able to speak is if I was holding a guitar and strumming it. And so when my agent like called, I would have to pick up a guitar and start strumming it in order to speak to him and be like, hello, how are you? I mean, it wasn't anything magical. It was like A to C to D. But that's what the color of the walls was when they put me in there.

It was only for like a week and a half. Wow. I know. But it's also like a Tiffany blue. Right. Very Cartier.

It was so much fun.

And I hear you're back on the bottle. Thank goddess. Honey, I have lost too many friends to sobriety. No offense. I want you to stay sober. I will still be your friend. But I've lost too many friends to sobriety. Thank God as you're back on the bottle.

you drinking in your own in your dressing room eating eating ham and cheeses we would have the only kiki in the dressing room with our little wine and our little crackers and cheeses and cheeses katya was already passed out or in her hotel room she's in bed with a towel on the head at 8 30 the show's not even over and she's on the bus in bed and trixie and i would hang out in the dressing room till the the venue closed they'd have to kick us out most night i love that idea i do i love that

I only drink it to get drunk.

And that's why I don't understand non-alcoholic. Do you drink non-alcoholic beverages?

I don't understand it, because I'm like, if it doesn't get you drunk, what is it? You're doing it for the taste? It's like smoking cat shit. That is weird.

I have an iced coffee. I've been drinking iced coffees lately.

I don't drink during the day.

Oh, he's so hot. He is so hot. Y'all. I mean, listen, I told him the other day, I said, the biggest gift you could give me is to go blind because then I wouldn't have to worry about what I look like all the time. My God. Oh,

It's fine for now, but can you imagine in like 10, 15, 20 years? Five. We need him to go blind.

You all are executive producers. Did you know this before today? I just saw the deduction from my checking account.

You know, I don't even think I've ever gotten a chance to publicly thank you all face to face for all the opportunities that you have infiltrated onto my life. And I'm eventually going to have to take a break like a struggling drag queen like Trixie Mattel. Because it is so much work. But yes, I just want to hold hands right now and thank you all.

What did I say?

And I added the completely.

It needed to make... It needed like one extra like... Not partially. No. Not... Not partially assassinated. Completely assassinated. Completely assassinated.

That's what I love about that episode. And, you know, that was on Adult Swim. And I just loved that network and everything that they produced. General Hospital and all those shows. And it was so ahead of its time because it was talking about a non-binary character before they even... Not General Hospital.

Is it called Children's Hospital?

But it was so ahead of its time. And so I really loved that. It was so cool. And then I got blown up later, which was amazing.

Did you scream? Yes. They had to put all these contraptions right here on my body underneath my trench coat.

And like you feel it go off and it's like a shock to the heart.

SAG-AFTRA. SAG-AFTRA.

I'm always up on my dues. I get those screeners, Haney. Get those screeners, Haney.

Yeah, I think me and Andrew are going to do it. Oh my God, you totally should.

I love that. You know what? I love how you love to use prosthetics and stuff. If you did all of the facial prosthetics, you could pull off the guy from Poltergeist. Okay.

No, you do need the prosthetics.

But they're on the screen door. Oh, my God. That would be amazing. Could I come inside?

No! What I mean by that is, like, in August of Osage County, you know, she has the cancers and everything, and, like, there's the, you know, the thing where she's like, you know, her little O stubbles of hair coming out.

I love that. Because when I'm playing a character, I don't feel so like you're the character. You know? I mean, look at Sandy. She was horrible looking. beautiful teeth kelly thank you they're not real they're really there well they're they are present they are here they're with us we're here the spirit of them we were here before we were here

After all, that's the only thing we all have in common is death. You know, we all get along at stop signs and stop lights, allowing each other to move according to law. Regardless of our beliefs, why can't we apply that to the real world? Isn't it wonderful? The world is ending and here we are pretending that everything's going to be just fine in these trumptuous times. And I'm okay with that.

I have never heard a more detailed answer to what is your favorite color in my life. I thought this is the most stupid, basic question. And that was the most beautiful, wonderful answer I've ever heard.

Well, you're not. You're more of a Hollywood madam, if I were to call you anything.

You're like a Hollywood madam that runs a brothel of Bulgarian boys in P-Town. This is what she does.

Oh my God, I've never even thought of us together. So it would be like a lesbian. We would be like desert moons. Remember that old lesbian movie? We would meet in like a laundromat and we would go like in our 57 Chevy out into the desert. The way you get me ready in your 56 Chevy. Rip each other's clothes off.

yes and just like start going down on each other and just eating each other out just like going crazy and flipping my hair in the wind be like filming louise gargoyles in the mud so you i would be your bottom why not i mean listen is that okay yes of course it is because i'm more of a pillow princess anyway i like to just lay there and be like

And make sure I'm perfectly lit and nothing's touched.

You're a bitch. This is such a Willy Wonka set. Where did they have that at?

Okay. Vinny from New York City wants to know, what's your favorite movie and what is your dream role as an actress? Oh, this is a good question. I want to know this, too.

I totally messed that up. Oh, my God. We should totally do a mashup of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

Exactly. I got my little ding-a-ling hanging out just for you.

I think they should have Tammy Brown perform at the Closing Ceremonies of the 2028 Olympics in Long Beach because you are a Long Beach... Superstar, native, just like Snoop Dogg.

And did you see Nymphia Wind on the closing ceremony last night? This is probably going to come out much later, so y'all are probably going to be like, when was this shot? But did you see her last night? Nymphia Wind on the Olympics? Tell me. What happened?

Because I subscribe to Delusion. It's an app on my phone connected to my Venmo. And I won't mind if you tip me at Kelly Mantle. I'll use it for trips to Nice and the Isle of Grease. Charity. After all, what can you get a woman who has everything she's ever dreamed of? A gorgeous husband, an Oscars consideration, an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race. A podcast. Of course. You get her a podcast.

I didn't see it. I saw it on the Twitters, but I haven't watched it yet. But she performed at the closing ceremony. Good for her. Of the thingies of the Olympics.

Tammy Brown would not do the Olympics, but Nymphia Wynne did, and she did a beautiful job portraying a gold... She is the current reigning queen of RuPaul's Drag Race season 39, Tamara. Well, good for them.

She really did a beautiful number on the finale, and it was this beautiful dance with these dancers, and everything was in pink and blue, and it was like trans rights.

Asexuality.

What is that?

Mm-hmm. Than the actual act of penetration?

I've never seen Ghostbusters.

Fuck off. In Ghostbusters? Yes. Who are you going to call?

Oh, my God. I did not know that.

Now, you were supposed to be born in Puerto Vallarta. Si. But you ended up being born in Corpus Christi because you had an amoeba.

So you've just been like a little gutter slut since you were like an embryo.

So wait a minute. You ate the sperm. So there was supposed to be a twin. Well, why not?

Wait a minute. You're Tammy Brown's down there in her mama's belly munching on her twins sperm.

You do wear a little piece.

Thank you. When we stay in hotel rooms together, I see the little piece in the middle of the night over on the dresser.

Thank you. And I'm like, ow. And I'm like sweating her little hair piece, her toupee off. And I started stomping on it. Like, Terry. And she like looked up and was like, what are you doing?

It was hanging on the banana tree. Oh, my God. And then the chimpanzee came and started playing with it. And then started wearing it up against the windowsill. I thought it was like, I thought it put it down his rectum area. Well, that was the other one. That was the other hey, hey, orangutan swinging from a tree. Whoosh.

What more could she ask for? She was dreaming like a Texan girl. A girl who thinks she has the right to everything. A girl who thinks she should have something extreme. So I have a podcast. Won't you join me? We are like totally podcasting. Doesn't it look like so profesh? I feel like we should be like on the 10 o'clock news. 10 o'clock news. LGBT LA news at 10. I'm your hostess.

Or they don't call them hostesses, do they? Why not? News correspondents. You will call them hostess if you feel like it. And you would be the weather girl. I can totally see Tammy Brown being the meteorologist.

It's sunny out there so you can walk children in nature.

Seriously, I think we need to normalize being news correspondents, people like us on CNN, honey, because we're like truth tellers. I don't want to be on CNN or anything like that. Well, you know what I mean. We should be news correspondents. Yes, I have a monologue. I have an introduction for our guest today. She's a lady of travel and leisure.

Tammy Brown and I have been BFFs for many, many lifetimes. I don't know if it's been too long or not long enough.

All the way down to New Orleans. It's nice. People always say, Kelly, what's it like being BFFs with Tammy Brown? And I always say, oh, she'll spin your head round and round, but you'll never find out what's in hers. It's an anomaly, a mystery. Is that your monologue? No, I'm just coming up with this.

It's like a crossword puzzle in the National Geographic magazine. You're like Amelia Earhart before the crash.

Your mind is probably the most beautiful contradiction since Jesus Christ. Contradiction?

I would think you were a Gemini, but you're actually a Virgo.

So we're going to take this time to climb into the mind of Tammy Brown and swim around and unleash the ingredients that make your head tick tock.

Love, liberty, and fashion, baby.

Honey, let's get into it. I want to really deep into your mind. I want to know what a romantic evening for Tammy Brown is like. Can I tell you what I picture? I picture Juice Newton, just call me Angel, playing on the record player on vinyl.

And I picture lots of acrylic nails tapping along green glass ashtrays with half roach hanging on the side and lots of mirrored surfaces and negligee, which is very different than lingerie. That's what I see. And I see lots of nibbling and sniffing. Things like, is that what a romantic evening for Tammy's like?

Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle. Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle. Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle. And this is the Kelly Mantle Show. Won't you come inside the Kelly Mantle studio? Do you know I never know where I am, even though I always end up where I'm supposed to be? Isn't that extraordinary? To me, time is timeless. Space is spaceless. And age and numbers and years are just fears inching towards our death.

Hey, Buster, where you going? I'm like, what year are we in right now? And he's all like, what? And he's like, shh.

Oh, my God, it was hilarious, girl.

Spunkin' and dunkin'. So what is a romantic evening with Tammy Brown like? Please walk us through it. Like you have a date with one of your Bulgarian boys. He comes over and you chilled some champagne. Well, as long as they know they're exclusive for the moment.

I love that for you.

Does he like grab you by the arms and like embrace you when he says it all passionately?

Line them up. So they're blessed for having a romantic evening with Tammy Brown. Well, why not? As it should be, absolutely. Why not? Absolutely. I mean, I'm the boss. Oh, so are you a little bit more on the strong side of things, the dominant side?

Speaking of romantic evenings.

You strictly go with European. I had to threaten to like beat up one of your American lovers one time.

The port-a-potty prostitute, honey. Tammy, like.

I just remember calling him and saying, if you don't give her her shit back, I'm going to like. His name was Tinky Stocking.

What were you doing with a boy named Tinky Stalking?

And his name was Tinky Stalking?

What happened?

What did he play?

I will tear an ass down, bitch. I don't play, honey. I do not play. I am from Oklahoma, honey. We don't fuck around. All right, so I want to get to some listener questions. We have some very interesting questions. We asked some of our listeners, do you have any thriving questions for Miss Tammy Brown? And they did not disappoint.

So Rose in Rosetta, Texas wants to know, so you're known as Planet Tammy on your socials. What's your favorite planet? Is it really Mars?

I do my best. I'm not competing, though. No, as we shouldn't be. We should be joining arms and fixing it together. You know, I used to say my favorite planet was Pluto. But then I heard recently that Pluto no longer identifies as a planet.

I know. I wanted to go. Rhea texted me and asked me to do something at it, but I was out of town that weekend.

Oh, did I say it wrong? But I'm saying Rhea Letray. Do you know what I told her? She needs to come out with a brand of sunglasses called Rhea Bands. Rhea Banz. Hey, look at me.

Can we get some more champagne flown in for Miss Tammy Brown, please?

We can edit this part out.

Episode one and she's already thinking of champagne sponsors. Where's the champagne?

Look, you look like you're in the Olympics representing Texas. I love this.

You could be a gymnast. I want to see Tammy Brown break dancing in the Olympics.

Who? They have Olympics for collecting stamps?

When did they start an Olympic event for collecting stamps?

She got a medal. Oh, my God.

Well, we love you, Shashan, and you keep on collecting, honey. Oh my God, have you ever been to the Ritz-Carlton in Dana Point on the ocean? It is one of the most beautiful hotels, the most beautiful views, and they have this wonderful little place where you can just get drinks and appetizers as the sun's coming down. Isn't that remarkable?

That's what my Discover card got me. Do people still have Discover? Why not? Visa, MasterCard, or Mix, or Discover. That's hilarious, girl.

Well, honey, if we didn't burp, we'd all blow up, I'm assuming. Oh, God. Like a firework. Magpipe Dylan Fairchild from San Francisco wants to know. Magpipe Dylan Fairchild.

I don't know. Probably a drag king, she says. From San Francisco, of course, it's a drag king, wants to know, what's your favorite color? Oh. Oh, well, that's a beautiful question. I feel like you could read auras, actually.

I really do.

I wonder why. Purple rain, purple rain. May he rest in peace.