Kendahl Landreth

I feel like those movies give a vibe of they're like we'll just kill a kid you know what I mean like I mean it's like they just kidnap a baby like they just kill someone yeah maybe a child yeah but like children's movies now don't give that off children's movies now are like uh two pigeons eat a meatball together it's like fine do you know what I mean

i get it it's like there's no dignity in it trust me i know it's my job too yeah i was like trust me i can't it's like it feels like you're whoring yourself out which you are you are but like yeah you know what it is it's but it really is every single industry now you know what i mean like i do a lot of stuff in the food space too and it's like i mean restaurants are like come down here and eat our sandwich we'll suck your dick you know like it's like on tiktok and you can't not well even poor jordan had to get a foot surgery last year oh my god

So one of the surgeons in the orthopedic doctor's office I was going to, apparently, not my doctor, but another one in the office, apparently they get such good reviews because one of the doctors in the office doesn't even do doctoring or surgery anymore. She just is a TikTok doctor. So she makes videos talking about being a TikTok doctor. And that's why they have such good surgery.

And then that's how I got botched.

Well, I didn't even know. I was just like, oh my God, five stars on Yelp at a doctor's office, 8,000 reviews.

Yes. But how do you know? Like with a doctor? I'm like, how do you know? And they're all evil.

Yeah. I mean, that movie's a lot. Those movies from that time are very haunting. Yeah.

Yeah. I feel like those movies give a vibe of, they're like, we'll just kill a kid. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, it's like, they just kidnap a baby. Like they just kill someone. Yeah. Maybe a child. Yeah. But like children's movies now don't give that off. Children's movies now are like, uh, two pigeons eat a meatball together. It's like fine. Do you know what I mean?

But like from that time, from the nineties, when we were growing up, creepy.

Yes. I've seen all of it. Kendall's been around it.

And I'm the exact opposite. I've now evened out where I'm a pretty normal height. I'm like five, eight, five, nine, but I hit five, seven, maybe in the first grade. So I was gigante. I was huge. That's a little frightening. I was bigger than the teachers. Parents were approaching me being like, homework. I was like, I'm five.

What if my dream, my favorite TV show growing up, and my initial celebrity crush, Wayne Brady? Wayne, if you're out there.

I'm gay now, but I'd love to talk to you still.

Yeah, I think he might be bisexual.

Sure.

I should be talking about the woman's titties in Rodin.

Like they're transporting a heart.

Yeah.

I actually literally do. I'm always like, we gotta watch Sully and I never have. I'll be like in the shower. She'll come in. She'll like peek her head around the curtain. She'll be like, we have to watch Sully. We have never seen that.

No, absolutely not.

So I, in my mind, like when I see WNBA players, I'm like, you and me both, sister. You and me both, right?

Oh, Yeah.

it i turned to you and i'm like it's okay this is it let me go we were on a plane recently where there was all of a sudden we like got up in the air the pilot had already warned us there was gonna be horrible turbulence on the flight we get up in the air a sound starts when we're up in the air that sounds like air from outside coming into the plane and this was right after that story of the door flying off oh yeah this was right after we were all geared

lots of bad things that happened on planes and it was so loud and everyone around us is like kind of scared and pressing the like call button to get the flight attendant to come over finally the flight attendant comes over she's like what she hears the noise and she goes oh no and runs to the front of the plane Well, no, I'm scared. So we're all scared. The guy behind us is like praying.

Yes, absolutely. I have to go try out for the W. Absolutely, but I'm not that tall anymore. But I feel very, you know, it feels like part of my identity.

We're all whatever. I'm like, okay, Kendall, put your stuff away. Make sure the exit is clear in case we have to get up and get out, like get whatever. Kendall's like, you know what? I'm just going to finish this chapter of my book in case this is it.

That's why you can't read it. That's a fake book. This book wasn't even edited.

Yeah.

He's a very funny man. Yeah.

And I do stand up, did stand up for a long time. But I think the thing with stand up is you kind of have to decide early in your comedy career, like, do I want to be a professional stand up comedian and go on the road as a stand up comedian, which historically is hell on earth, especially if you're not a man. It's like, you know what I mean?

You're like, we're wearing the same outfit. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. So it's a weird vibe. It's like, I didn't really want to be around those people specifically. So I was like, okay, I'm not going to like,

tall to me is anything over like six two right right where six feet is tall to most people yeah yeah yeah i also come from a tall family my grandma's six feet tall oh t love that i don't well i don't come from a very tall family but can i yeah you can tell it you can tell it i sure and i don't want to get in trouble for this because it was an accident

which is not what an audition is. And I think the hardest thing about acting is, well, I guess not the hardest thing about acting, but I think the most complicated thing about acting in this day and age is you're gonna get nine million pieces of advice when it comes to auditioning, and you just have to do what feels right to you. Because there are people that are like,

dress for the part in the audition because it will help them visualize you in that part. But then there are people that are like, do not dress as the part. It gives freak vibes or it makes them see you in a way that maybe that's not how they pictured the character in their mind. Don't do it with props because it makes it seem too solidified. Sometimes they'll even tell you like,

They always say, you don't have to memorize lines. You don't have to memorize lines. You do. You do have to memorize lines because you cannot look at the piece of paper, but sometimes they'll tell you to hold the piece of paper. So it gives off the vibe that it's still like a work in progress.

Why was I not allowed to audition for Husky Girl with Bangs in Trident commercial? I wasn't even good enough to be seen for that. I'm classically trained. I have a BFA from NYU. I wasn't allowed to audition for Husky Girl with Bangs and try to commercial. Like it feels very crazy.

but jordan's not been i was not asked to audition i was not called in for the audition but they're looking for someone that does and it's like so yeah it's really warped and weird and it's like all of this without you yes put it on someone else really hurtful really hurtful yeah and then they always cast a model it's always a model it's always a model and you know what

We can say it. I also think that something that's so hard is everybody on the internet is an expert on anything. So you hear these people who have never left their home be like, well, they're a good actor because of X, Y, Z. Most of what acting that you're seeing is, is directing, directors.

So a big part of being a good actor in terms of an actor as a profession is being able to take direction. And if your director is directing you poorly or telling you to make these weird choices, when you're just like a lower level actor, who's not like Tony Collette, you have to just be like, oh, you want me to do this thing? That's bad. Okay. I need money. Like you have to just do it.

And that's why you see these actors. You're like, well, wait, she was so good in this movie, but so bad in this movie. I'm like, yeah, it's directing. They're just doing their job. And sometimes actors get to sync up with these directors that are brilliant and unbelievable and incredible. And it's a collaborative experience and it's awesome.

And then sometimes you just work with a director that's like not good. And you're making a movie that's maybe not good. And that's okay too. It's just your job. It's not like a moral failing to, I agree. You know what I mean? To like sometimes have better performances than others.

because we love that movie so much. It's the spy song at the beginning. She sings it, but she doesn't like a little voice and she does like choreographed dance moves with it.

Come over, you and us. You and us, yeah. You and us, we'll do it.

Oh God, it's good.

Why not an Oscar?

He thought it was funny. We all laughed. It's fine. We all had a good time. That's how much I didn't see his wheelchair. Well, right. Exactly. I said, that's just a short man. You saw the person beneath it. I said, that man is 4'7". You hadn't even noticed.

I did not know that. Well, I'm a Fast and Furious fan to begin with in general, especially, and I'll say it once Paul Walker died. Once he kind of got out of the way, we were able to do some real fun stuff. And he's done a lot of weird things, so I feel comfortable saying that. Yeah, it really took off after that. Things really, yeah, popped off in a big way.

And I think Hobbs and Shaw is kind of the best example of that. It's so fun. It's so funny. I mean, obviously we already know The Rock is funny. Jason Statham, once again, spy. It's so funny, yeah. Jason Statham is so unbelievably funny.

And they've been together for a long time.

He's a robot in the future.

It's unbelievable.

Which is crazy. I mean, he is. Iron Claw.

Okay. I do like Adam Devine. Isn't he the other person? Ricky Sticky. This is a new movie.

Yeah, well, I mean, Gladiator is, like, real world. Stuff like that happened. Like, who cares? Sonic is, like, a built kind of universe, you know? So I get it. There's a lot more complexities in the Sonic universe. I agree with you.

I don't mean to be lying. It's kind of like for what? You know what I mean? Like, Oh, he's actually tall. Okay. Sure.

I would say Spy is our favorite movie as a couple. And then... And that's a thing. If you guys don't have that, there's something wrong with you. That's our favorite movie as a couple. Grease is probably my favorite movie... in the world.

This tells me that we have similar dads with similar energies because I used to do pretty much the same thing. But for me, for a long period of time, it was the Rent soundtrack. And I would turn down the music. So it's so loud. It's blasting. And then I would turn it down anytime there was a curse word or a sexual reference. And I'm also a child, so I don't know a lot of the references.

So I'm sure my dad's confused because I'm turning it down for some things but not other things. And then finally, one day, my dad was just like, hey, you know what? I've actually heard all these words. So let's just leave it on one volume the whole time, but me just singing at the top of my lungs. But in the car for two hours, driving me to school, theater, practice, whatever.

My dad just truly an angel from heaven.

yeah and then one he's like i love you so much i can't do it that's i love you though i love you so much that makes me sad though because i'm like that must have been a really what did he have going on that must have been he was not that was a really bad day that just fired from his job he just found out a friend from high school died or something

There was some stuff that made you kind of go, huh?

Isn't this funny?

you're trying to play it cool you laugh so unless that's fake i don't really know um yeah i don't get it it's too i'm not i could not be less interested in anything than that time period colonial time wagon yeah skip over it wagon time don't need to see could not tell you what years those were but i'm not interested era yeah just like kind of dirty wagon white people

Every time she turns back, you have a new piece. We're watching the last of us right now. And Kendall keeps being like, she's taking one horse back riding last night. She keeps me like, anytime they're on the horse, she's like, see, this is why we have to learn how to ride horses. And I'm like, you're, that's not why we're dying in the apocalypse. We have other skills we should probably learn.

Yeah.

Kill me. You know what I mean? I can get a turkey and provolone with extra cherry pepper relish. Bye. Gun to my mouth. You guys don't have this at the end of the world? No way.

What's the order?

You know who did? Cara Delevingne.

Every single time.

What are you looking at? Okay. So during Halloween, not to my recollection, but maybe I don't remember what time of year it was. Yeah. My, I 20, 2018 was rough for, for me. Um, I got dumped very suddenly from some, by someone are really, it's okay. We're getting married. Um, so it's fine. Everything's fine.

It worked out in the long run with someone else, but I was like, someone dumped me very suddenly after, um, for so long, I was like, maybe we should break up. I think maybe it's like not good. And they were like, no, you are wrong. And I was like, sure, probably. And then, um, we went on a two week trip to France and they dumped me.

And in France, uh, on the kind of half there, half when we got back, that's crazy. Long breakup, uh, lasted like maybe 48 hours. And then, um, maybe a week later, my appendix exploded, uh,

I've had pain tolerance. So my appendix fully exploded. And then I was in the hospital for quite some time.

Sure. Yes. And then even more so. So two days before my appendix exploded, I was seeing the SpongeBob musical on Broadway and, And I got a call from my doctor who I literally hadn't heard from in like six months. And she was like, I think you have lupus. You need to go to the doctor and go see some specialists. So it was like just back to back to back at the end of 2018.

you're all yeah no a little bit i'm gonna cash that in that's for sure yeah that's one free call to an ex yes and they just want to let you know i'm in the hospital they did call me while i was in the hospital period yeah they called me and they said i can't be there for you right now and i said you called me then hang up the phone You dialed this number.

Yeah. I can't be there. Yes. And I said, all right. Thanks for letting me know.

All right.

Jeez. Yeah. So that was the end of my 2018. Damn. Well, that's not a very fun fact then. I think it's a fun story. I think we've all moved past it and I'm stronger now. I have one less body part.

Yeah.

Perfect. Perfect. Just brainstorming.

Oh yeah. I, I used to write, uh, well really I wrote one and it honestly has gotten me recognized more than anything else I've ever done. Um, yeah, I wrote a children's story for the calm app, which is like the meditation app. They do these sleep stories for kids and you like, I guess, I don't know, put them on when your kid goes to sleep. So your kid leaves you alone. Um,

And I wrote one that I initially had pictured about like a robot or what, but in the end it ended up being like a napkin and it's about like a non-binary napkin. Um, and it's called spot the napkin. And still to this day, people will like, I'll like work with someone who's like kind of famous on something. Yeah. They will have been like a normal level of nice and interested in me.

Like, you know, yeah.

not that interested in me on set or whatever and then i'll get home and i'll have a dm from them that'll be like hey i'm so sorry i got home and i realized where i recognize your name from you are the author of spot the napkin my son listens to it every night when he goes to bed and i just want to thank you for what you've done for my family and then they're like liking all my instagram posts and everything um yeah it's crazy

And so for this poor horse, I'm like, I'm really small. Well, it's like when you go to the doctor and they're like, get on the scale. And you're like, should I take off my shoes? They're like, it doesn't matter. Hold the bowling ball, top hat on. Like who gives a fuck? It doesn't matter.

Yeah, but if I was doing any, like, during the pandemic and, like, when I first moved out to L.A., like, you just have to do whatever. I wrote clickbait at one point.

decides jordan never took them they're always like no again she's like perfect bad ideas yeah think tank think tank you're right this is good yeah but it was nice too and they were like i wrote for a couple different children's things and they were taking ideas left and right and paying me money for them so i felt like i was like a 1980s businessman high on cocaine like i was just like oh oh what if it's a dog and the dog plays soccer and they were like great here's

You're like, all right, well, you don't need to do that. I don't need the noise.

Celebrities aren't eating enough to throw up. If they're throwing up, it's for something else.

They're throwing up like water.

If you make $600,000 a year or more and you want to make a positive change in your life, you should definitely go to Dog Pound.

yeah oh right well in case you couldn't read it here it's also up here yeah well i feel like every time like you go to the doctor no matter who you are they're like so technically medically you're dead yeah um technically you're not alive right now and i'm like okay well i'm fine yeah leave me alone they're like so you're wait do we want to talk about that

I was, I, I moved here and at a party, the first night I moved here, my best friend, Lily and I were both drunk and we met this very nice woman. And she was like, you have your, my dodgeball team. And we were like, incredible. And, And then the next morning we woke up with like a text that was like, here's the time that we start today. So we were like, oh, okay. So we went because we were nervous.

We wanted to have friends. We both moved out here recently. And it was horrible. As you can imagine, adults should not be playing dodgeball. It's just because like when you get hurt and you're a kid, it's fine. you're so resilient. Your mom takes care of you. You're on your parents' insurance.

But I very quickly realized as soon as I stepped onto the dodgeball court, my first time, if I lose one of these veneers, I'm out a job and in $11,000 worth of credit card debt. Now, like there's no world in which that is allowed. You can't be breaking an arm as an adult in the entertainment industry. Well, it's also like, well, we're adults.

Well, and that kind of leads to point out that the people that play adult dodgeball generally tend to be bizarre. Everyone on my team was wonderful. They were so nice and clearly just be, they're all comedians. People just want to like have fun and get out, but we would play against other teams of adults that were very competitive.

And I don't want to offend anyone here, but I think if you're a very competitive adult, you need to speak to someone. Yeah. Like something's going on with you. Like to the point where it's that serious. Yeah. I'm just like, don't you have like a job and a family? Like, why are you so competitive about this board game or whatever it is? Yeah. A hundred percent.

So I have a distinct memory of one time we were losing so badly to another team that was really into it that the referee was like, you know what? No more points. Just for fun now. Let's all just have fun like normal. And as soon as he said that, a man standing across from me, I don't know, 50 feet away, 20 feet away. I'm not good at distance.

Who was probably like two of me stacked on top of each other. He looked in my eyes and he said, now it's time to really have some fun. And cranked up and underhanded a dodgeball directly into my crotch so hard that it knocked my feet out from underneath me. And I fell forward onto my face.

Who threw that at you? Yes. Just an absolutely giant man. What did you do? What did I do? You just softball pitched a dodgeball at you? Yes, right into my coochie.

Yes! Fully knocked all the air out of my body, so I just had to lay there for a minute, and then I rolled over, and then finally I slowly got up, and then I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I was like, what is the matter with you? Now it's time to have some fun? And then you throw a ball into my crotch? What?

I don't know. That's what people have told me. What isn't autism? I'm sorry.

It feels like, you know what I mean? Kind of hearkening back to like, I'm a man. I should throw something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

look at us look at this sorry we did that like we're pretending to be dating yes i swear they are it's really um no we really are well we're both comedians and we've been comedians forever and then kendall this is so honestly so embarrassing for me to say but i it is true um i had a tiktok that went viral viral viral big time and i was in credit card debt and i said hello How are you?

I have a rude question. Why would a man play softball? Because to my understanding, and I don't know a lot about sports unless it's basketball. So this is probably like just a short coming on my part, but I'm kind of like in the way that cats are girls and dogs are boys. Yeah. I'm like softball is girl and baseball is boy.

Okay.

I love that.

I was just curious. Softball is such a lesbian sport too. I agree. That I was like girls.

Okay.

Yeah, I did gymnastics and tumbling for quite some time until I became literally too physically large. They were like, you're too big.

Less attention.

Yes. Yeah. It got into gymnastics and tumbling where it was like, I was so much bigger than the adults that were spotting me became a safety situation for everyone involved.

Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Kendall had a friend that sent it to her and Kendall was like, who is this? And her friend was like, oh, this used to be my improv teacher. And Kendall said, OK, I'm going to follow her and DM her every single day. And she did until finally I was like, it was classy. I kept it classy.

bigger people in here no because gymnasts are this big i know they're so tiny but that's the same thing we were talking about this earlier how when people meet us they're like whoa you're a huge huge large you meet a celebrity oh girl they're poly pockets they're the smallest people you've ever seen in your life i know and every time i stand next to them i'm like oh my god i'm like i feel like they're like ah every room i come into yeah they're gonna blow in why are they so small what's going but not even like obviously celebrities for the most part are like thin in a way that's really toxic and

On school picture day, they're like, okay, get in the back. You're in the very far back.

Yeah.

Well, she sent me so many DMs for absolutely no reason that I was like, I guess I have to have sex with this woman. I guess. I guess. She sent me so many DMs that she's hit the quota. She's earned it. Yeah.

She was like, I live in New York. And I was like, OK, goodbye. And she was like, no, no, no. But I'm moving to LA. I think we'd really get along. She's like, let's just do one Zoom date. I think you'll really like me. If you don't, no worries. We'll never speak again. You guys are so gay. It's crazy. I gotta get back to this confidence.

No.

Like everybody's watching me and I'm like, everybody's looking at me. I love that. I would say one of the most sobering things as an adult though, is seeing a photo from childhood where you remember that moment as a child and being like, I look so fucking sexy right now. Do you know what I mean? Like when you're a kid and you're like, no one has ever looked hotter than me.

I'm getting like peak Angelina Jolie right now. And then as an adult, you see a picture from that day or that time. And you're like, and you're like, Uh-oh. Oh, man.

I transferred to a new school in sixth grade, and I was like, I'm an audition for the talent show. So at the auditions, I sang an acapella rendition of Suddenly Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors, which is a great song. It's a duet plus...

chorus duet plus ensemble and I sang all the parts by myself being like you did both you did both the man and the woman singing to each other did you do the makeup me in the shower yeah yeah exactly I didn't do I just I went up there and yeah no props no costumes nothing just sang it out myself I was like everyone in the room was changed after hearing that. They were so moved.

And yes, and then I got a call the next day that I did not get into the talent show because my talent was too sad. Oh. And then upon talent show day, I found out that I was the only person who didn't get into the talent show. Oh my God.

because they let anyone in those because they'll let anybody into it i was gonna say i didn't know you had to audition for it oh yeah you don't except unless you're me but and also i was living in south florida so i'm like the talents that were in this talent show were questionable you know what i mean there were some things that children should not have been doing um but my talent was too sad so i couldn't be in it

Yeah.

feels really crazy i mean obviously we've been fans of you forever and we love your sister i know we have a mutual love of my sister yeah and she's been on our podcast and um we met and we were just like oh yeah we love you yeah connection yeah so i think because we have so much love for her we feel like we also know you really well which we don't and is rude

We'll memorize all the lines.

We're not.

Just Google our names. And a bunch of stuff will come up. A bunch of stuff you don't want to see will come up. Click on any of that.

Yes. Period. Yeah, anywhere you get your podcasts.

Oh, we love you. You're both so funny.

constant yeah people think any that slant fucking shit they're like they don't lean towards each other anything Kendall will be like I want to buy a new bag and I'll be like you're not buying a new bag and they'll be like that's financial abuse holding their money and it's just like every single thing so I think that's the hardest thing is a couple is like totally we get along great everything goes well with us but you know the comments are

You know what I mean? People want it to be so like, especially lesbians. I'm sorry. Our community is sick. It's not good. And they're always like, you know, they really, I don't know. It's they, they want us to infantilize each other in a way that we don't on camera. Yeah.

Yes.

That's right.

I'm just like, if you're not fighting as a couple, I'm like, just both of you not have opinions. What's going on? Even Kendall and I have almost the same opinion on everything and we still will fight about it. Right. It feels good. You got to just like get, you know, you live together.

handling it that way we're not handling it that way they're all hypothetical literally just a fake it's just foreplay for us enemies to lovers kind of thing yes i'm also like what you don't argue with your family ever kendall's my family yeah exactly it's normal that's so funny one time i asked my man i was like if i had shoulders like you would you still love me and he said no and we got to a point

a million years. It feels like, I mean, I'm older than Kendall, but I've been a professional comedian now probably for 10 years. And, um, what, you know, I went to college for acting and improv has been my big thing. Um, I toured with the upright citizens brigade for many years.

That was my first job out of college, but now we do a bunch of different, a bunch of different, that's the thing about the industry. It's like, you can't just do one thing anymore. It's like, you know, you have to like, yes, you have to like write and act and direct and host and, um,