Kerry Washington

For me, I knew that eating disorders existed. And I think I tried to play this game where I didn't want to fit into any easy diagnosis. So I was always kind of like... like transforming it and morphing it. And it would be like days of binging and then days of starving and then days of over-exercising and just kind of like, I felt like if I kept moving it, that I wasn't any simple sick person.

For me, I knew that eating disorders existed. And I think I tried to play this game where I didn't want to fit into any easy diagnosis. So I was always kind of like... like transforming it and morphing it. And it would be like days of binging and then days of starving and then days of over-exercising and just kind of like, I felt like if I kept moving it, that I wasn't any simple sick person.

I was just like trying to be my best me, but I was controlled and obsessed by feeling like I wasn't enough. Yeah. So the prayer for me was really, I think what I started to hear was that it was okay to ask for help. and that it was okay for me to seek healing.

I was just like trying to be my best me, but I was controlled and obsessed by feeling like I wasn't enough. Yeah. So the prayer for me was really, I think what I started to hear was that it was okay to ask for help. and that it was okay for me to seek healing.

I think for me, that journey started really, really, really early. And I talk about this a little bit in my memoir, but I was conceived with the help of a sperm donor. And that was something I didn't find out until I was in my forties. And it was pretty wild. I think my parents would have taken this secret to their graves if they could have.

I think for me, that journey started really, really, really early. And I talk about this a little bit in my memoir, but I was conceived with the help of a sperm donor. And that was something I didn't find out until I was in my forties. And it was pretty wild. I think my parents would have taken this secret to their graves if they could have.

And luckily they weren't able to, they were kind of forced to tell me, to share this with me.

And luckily they weren't able to, they were kind of forced to tell me, to share this with me.

And it wound up being transformative for our family because it was the thing that they were most terrified to tell me because they thought that it would destroy our family, that I would be angry with them, that I would no longer see my dad as my dad, that it would fracture this kind of perfect facade, this image that we were portraying to the world.

And it wound up being transformative for our family because it was the thing that they were most terrified to tell me because they thought that it would destroy our family, that I would be angry with them, that I would no longer see my dad as my dad, that it would fracture this kind of perfect facade, this image that we were portraying to the world.

It, of course, as with most things in life, had the opposite impact. It was so healing for my family to sit in that truth and to have the courage to be honest with one another actually made me feel closer to my dad. It made me so grateful to my parents. I understood so many of the confusing dynamics of... Our household growing up, suddenly I understood.

It, of course, as with most things in life, had the opposite impact. It was so healing for my family to sit in that truth and to have the courage to be honest with one another actually made me feel closer to my dad. It made me so grateful to my parents. I understood so many of the confusing dynamics of... Our household growing up, suddenly I understood.

You know, I often say like I entered the world in a lie, right? Like the moment that I got here, the moment that I emerged from my mom, like they were lying to me about who my parents were. And so I think there was a disconnect very early on. And like most kids, I decided like children to make sense of discomfort and unease. We will they will blame ourselves.

You know, I often say like I entered the world in a lie, right? Like the moment that I got here, the moment that I emerged from my mom, like they were lying to me about who my parents were. And so I think there was a disconnect very early on. And like most kids, I decided like children to make sense of discomfort and unease. We will they will blame ourselves.

Like I must be the reason because you can't blame your parents because they're responsible for your survival and well-being. So you blame yourself. And so for me, I think I decided, well, I must not be enough. Like this weird disconnect that I have or this way that they hold me at arm's length or this kind of slight veil where I feel like I'm not getting 100% of the truth.

Like I must be the reason because you can't blame your parents because they're responsible for your survival and well-being. So you blame yourself. And so for me, I think I decided, well, I must not be enough. Like this weird disconnect that I have or this way that they hold me at arm's length or this kind of slight veil where I feel like I'm not getting 100% of the truth.

And I couldn't have articulated any of that as a child, but it was a feeling, right? I thought, well, maybe if I'm better, they'll be closer to me. If I'm better, I'll have their full presence. So that's why I think I interpreted it as I have to be more. I have to do better. I have to be better in order to get presence and love and acceptance.

And I couldn't have articulated any of that as a child, but it was a feeling, right? I thought, well, maybe if I'm better, they'll be closer to me. If I'm better, I'll have their full presence. So that's why I think I interpreted it as I have to be more. I have to do better. I have to be better in order to get presence and love and acceptance.

I did. I mean, my parents did such a beautiful job. And even their choice of not to tell me was a choice that came out of love, right? They were trying to protect me in a time when, I mean, this was, you know, I'm in my 40s. So... there weren't like sperm banks where you could go through a catalog and carefully pick your donor. This was the wild west. People weren't doing this.

I did. I mean, my parents did such a beautiful job. And even their choice of not to tell me was a choice that came out of love, right? They were trying to protect me in a time when, I mean, this was, you know, I'm in my 40s. So... there weren't like sperm banks where you could go through a catalog and carefully pick your donor. This was the wild west. People weren't doing this.