Kwame Christian
Appearances
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Say Yes To The Ex: Exes Have Layers
I know this is true because I used to be like that until I realized that negotiation isn't a talent. It's a skill that anyone can learn. And once I did, everything changed. I went from people pleaser to confident communicator. And now I teach Fortune 500 leaders and top executives how to do the same.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Say Yes To The Ex: Exes Have Layers
Listen to Negotiate Anything on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Say Yes To The Ex: Exes Have Layers
I know this is true because I used to be like that until I realized that negotiation isn't a talent. It's a skill that anyone can learn. And once I did, everything changed. I went from people pleaser to confident communicator. And now I teach Fortune 500 leaders and top executives how to do the same.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Say Yes To The Ex: Exes Have Layers
Listen to Negotiate Anything on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So, okay, I'm going to re-anchor in this type of way. I'm going to use bracketing and all these things, right? But the thing is, we have not done a couple of things. Number one, we haven't taken the time to gather information. And number two, we haven't taken the time, most importantly, to create the conditions for persuasion. So think about it.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
If somebody is threatening you, they are not always operating from the strategic part of their brain. They're not using their prefrontal cortex and frontal lobe. They're often threatening you from a position of fear. And you use these rational tactics, you make these rational points to an irrational actor. You haven't taken the time to lower the emotional temperature of the room.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So the psychology behind compassionate curiosity in this situation is that when you're very, very emotional, you're using the amygdala within the limbic system. So you're responding emotionally, which is counterproductive to clear thinking. So it's an antagonistic relationship between the amygdala and the frontal lobe. Frontal lobe is rational thinking, clear thinking. Amygdala is just emotions.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
You can't think clearly. So we need to walk them to rationality. So I'm going to say, hey, In this situation, what I'd say is this. So, hey, correct me if I'm wrong, Charles, but it sounds like something's changed on your end. Can you help me understand what's changed? And so then they're going to give some information or they might play it a little bit guarded.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
I'll say, okay, I'm still in step one at this point. There's still some barrier in the situation. It sounds like there's some pressures on your side. And I understand that the market's really tough. If you could help me to understand what these pressures are that are pushing you to do this. dann kann ich helfen, eine Lösung auszuarbeiten.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Aber wenn ich kein Verständnis habe, dann kann ich hier nicht einfach eine Entscheidung machen. Also jetzt beginnt man, diese emotionalen Temperaturen zu reduzieren, diese Informationen zu sammeln, das herauszuholen, richtig? Also in dieser Konversation, der frühen Konversation, stehe ich jetzt an. Ich mache keine Entscheidungen, nichts überhaupt.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Ich sammle einfach Informationen, managiere die Emotionen, kreiere diese Verbindung. Und dann sammle ich die Informationen, stelle einen Stopp und sage, hey, hör mal, ich kann keine Entscheidungen jetzt machen. Lass mich zurückgehen, spreche mit meinem Team und herausführe, was wir tun können. Also Schritt 1 in dieser wirklich schwierigen, hostileen Verhandlung ist compassionate curiosity.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So you don't damage the relationship, but you also create the psychological safety necessary to extract information, because negotiation is an information game. Now I can come back to the table with some of these high-level strategies, and I can put these high-level strategies together within a really simple mental model for flow of communication.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Because a lot of times what these really tactical negotiators end up doing is, conversationally, they speak tactic to tactic. They don't talk human to human.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So by having compassionate curiosity as the tactical glue that keeps all of these together, you can create a connection and actually create the conditions for persuasion, which amplifies the likelihood of you actually using the tactics effectively, because the person is now receptive.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Yeah, so this, it was, it was mind-blowing, Charles, but also, like, frankly, annoying. I didn't like it. I always wanted to have, I wanted to have this, oh, this revelation where I create something really, really, that's, like, academic, right? Compassion and curiosity is very, very, it's very powerful.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
I believe in it, too, but I wanted something that... It takes time and skill to develop it, though. 100%, right? And a lot of discipline. But I wanted something that, like, sounded fancy.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Okay, also ich dachte mir, okay, was sind die Fähigkeiten der Top-Negotiator? Wenn ich diese Interviews mit ihnen habe und sie gehen runter, ihre Methodologien und solche Dinge, dann drücke ich sie, um mir eine Geschichte zu erzählen. Erzähl mir eine Geschichte von einigen der stärksten Negotiations, die du gehabt hast. Das, was überraschend war, war, dass sie die Taktiken stoppten. Okay.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
They aren't saying, oh, I did this and it's that tactic, I did this and it's that tactic and citing books and stuff. They just relied on these core skills. So when the heat is on, the best professionals in the industry, they're not using these name tactics that they often teach in their methodologies. They're just, they're flowing. How are they flowing? Right. So that led me to two discoveries.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Discovery number one. You only need three core skills to be a good negotiator. Just three. Just three. And any tactic is really just a combination of those three used at the right time. So number one, become a better listener. Number two, become better at asking questions. And number three...
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
All stated through continuous improvement. Because the thing is, there's going to be something that leads to a performance gap in certain situations. Maybe you have a bias against somebody. Maybe somebody has a bias against you. Maybe it's a certain circumstance where you just struggle to listen or ask questions. Because everybody's listened effectively. Everybody's asked questions effectively.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
The real power comes in recognizing in those certain circumstances where you're not good at it. So you can amplify the skill when it's necessary.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So let me give you the ultimate listening tactic and then I will talk about how you can do that self-evaluation. So first, I like to use the empathy loop. So again, three steps. First step, this is going to blow your mind, Charles. Step one is listen. Step two is summarize. And again, use your own words, but you can say, hey, correct me where I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're saying this.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Tell me if I got this right, but it seems like you're trying to say this. So you're going to summarize this.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Hey man, it's great to be here and thanks for broing out beforehand too.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And it sounds condescending. Because you and I have both been in conversations with our significant other and they're like, what did I just say? You're not listening. What did I just say? And then you verbatim say what they just said. Do they feel good about that?
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And then with step number three, this is the magic. Because we don't advance in the conversation until they give us the green light. So I summarize and then I'll say, hey, was that a fair synopsis? Am I close on that? What did I miss? Right? And so we don't go, this is like a checkpoint in the conversation. Right?
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And so this is really important because we don't want to do this with everything that they say because then it becomes clinical and weird. But you do this at certain times, like when you recognize that this is a very important point. Du merkst, dass ihre Stimme in Volumen erhöht ist, was normalerweise signale, dass sie sich nicht hören fühlen. Also langsam und so.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Und dann ehrlich gesagt, Mann, ich mache das manchmal, wenn ich nicht weiß, was ich sagen soll. Oder ich fühle mich überrascht oder ich bin verloren. Und ich nenne es einfach so ein kleiner Zeitraum. Richtig. Also ich werde das nur machen, um den Spass der Gespräche zu senken, damit ich mich sammeln kann. Ja. Aber das ist der Tool.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Aber eines der Dinge, die ich gerne tue, oder ich sollte nicht sagen, dass ich es gerne tue, ich mag das gar nicht. Was ich als effektiv gefunden habe, Charles, ist, nach bestimmten Gesprächen mit Leuten wie Familie, Freunden, Leuten auf meinem Team, ist zu sagen, wie habe ich dich während dieser Gespräche gefühlt? Or asking them to rate your listening from 1 to 10.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Wow, okay. So, my name is Kwame Christian, founder and CEO of the American Negotiation Institute, host of the number one negotiation podcast in the world, Negotiate Anything, and two-time best-selling author. So, for me, my goal is to help to make difficult conversations easier. And I know, Charles, you know this. When it comes to negotiation, there are some ways that we can overcomplicate things.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Smart man. Und was cool ist, weil du siehst, wie die Psychologie eine wirkliche Rolle spielt. Und das ist mit meiner Methodologie. Ich habe gesagt, okay, cool. Ja, ich kenne die Taktiken. Ich bin ein Taktiker in vielen Fällen. Aber ich will das Psychologie-Betrieb nutzen, um die Psychologie zu verstehen, um den Menschen die Psychologie für zwei Grundsätze zu erlernen.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Nummer eins, es gibt den Menschen die Kraft und Resilienz, die Taktiken zu nutzen, weil jetzt, dass sie verstehen, warum die Taktiken wert sind, haben sie mehr Glauben in die Taktiken. Denn oft ist die Unterschiede zwischen einem Experten und einem Novice Negotiator nur Glauben und Resilienz. Oder ein Baseballspieler.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Der Novice wird sagen, okay, ich habe das für fünf Minuten versucht, es hat nicht funktioniert. Und der Experte wird sagen, ja, ich werde nur die Psychologie nutzen, die funktioniert.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
But when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, we need to have two things. We have to have mindset and skill set. Right. Not only do we have to know what to do or say, but we have to have the confident mindset to be able to do or say what needs to be said or done when it needs to be said or done, right?
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Zuerst einmal möchte ich die Minimum Effektive Dose finden. Ich kann sehr tief in die Psychologie gehen. Ich denke, es ist super cool. Ich gehe also auf die Ebene, auf die sie es nehmen wollen. So most people, they like as much as I don't like tactics, they want tactics. So I have to take the psychology and make it seem like a tactic, you know, so I'll go over it really quickly.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So going back to the amygdala, the limbic system and frontal lobe, just explaining why with Why that works. Because a lot of times, especially when you're talking to people who, like there's money on the line. I don't have time for feelings. I just want to talk about the deal terms. Money is the only thing that matters. I'm like, why are you here? You're here because it doesn't work.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So can we level set on this here? So by breaking that down, they can say, okay, now I see where this is. So I tell them, it doesn't make sense to send a message to a person who is not psychologically ready to receive it. You know that brilliant thing that you just said? Doesn't work, because they're not psychologically ready. You've got to get them in the right mindset.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So when you label the emotions, the part of the brain that accepts or rejects the label is located in the frontal lobe. And so by activating the frontal lobe in that way, that's what calms people down. Then when you think about cortisol secretion, that is the stress hormone. It takes some time for that to work out of your system so you can think clearly. Like 10, 15 minutes sometimes.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And for me, I've recognized for too many years in the negotiation industry, we've been giving recipes to people who are afraid to get in the kitchen. It's not that they don't know what to do, they just don't have the confidence to overcome those fears.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So at the first quarter of the conversation, you should just be in relationship trust building mode to get the person to feel psychologically safe so you can actually have the conversation. And the thing is too, going back to what you were talking about with the yes stacking, this is a perfect example of why this tactical approach doesn't work.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Because persuasion is at its best when it's imperceptible. So after negotiations with me, I don't want people to say, yeah, Kwame just like steamrolled me or overwhelmed me or anything like that. It's like, no, I had a conversation with Kwame and after we chatted it out a bit, I decided to do this, right?
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Because at the end of the day, if you can use compassionate curiosity to create a connection and create trust and lower the barrier and defenses... dann brauchst du nicht wirklich zu negotieren. Du hast einfach eine Konversation. Hey, Charles, du und ich haben das gleiche Ziel. Let's try to figure out how to work this out. That feels better to everybody else.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So we're not taking it into a negotiation. We're just saying this is a natural conversation. And that's really what I want people to do. I want to make this more approachable. Because if we say to ourselves, oh yeah, these are these smoky backroom deals, this is a really hard thing, everybody's stressed out. No, there's one word I've never used in a negotiation.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Well, there are lots of words, but for the sake of this podcast.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Negotiation. I never use it. I never say, hey, we're going to have this negotiation. Let's talk about the negotiation. I just say, hey, let's hop on the phone and chat. Hey, let's talk through this. Hey, when are you free to work through the numbers? Whatever. Because I know as soon as I say the word negotiation, now they're gearing up for war. No, we're just having a conversation.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And for me, there's a different approach for negotiation for me, like my entry point into it, because a lot of folks might say, yeah, I've been a corporate executive, so now I'm a negotiation expert. Or I've made millions in sales, so now I'm a negotiation expert. Or I was a hostage negotiator, now I'm a negotiation expert. But for me, my story is different.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Ich denke, ehrlich gesagt, und das wird sehr einfach klingen, aber weil es so ist, müssen wir zuerst interessiert sein. Denn wir können es hier verkaufen, Charles, du und ich, wir können darüber sprechen, wie wichtig es ist. Aber es wird nicht, die Leute werden nichts tun, ohne dass sie irgendeine echte Interesse erzeugen. Also, lasst uns das in den Menschen spüren.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Also, der erste Ort, um zu beginnen, ist, indem wir Aufmerksamkeit bezahlen. Ich liebe meine Frau, sie ist sehr patient. Aber wenn ich TV sehe und wir versuchen, unsere Gehirne zu öffnen und Realität zu sehen, wie TV-Schläge oder so, dann pausiere ich immer. Ich dachte immer, das ist der Grund, warum das nicht funktioniert hat. Hast du gesehen, dass ihre Gesichtspräsen sich verändert haben?
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Ihr seht das? Unsere Mannschaft hat dieselbe Frustration.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Ja, aber das ist so, wie man anfängt, Mann. Du fängst an, Aufmerksamkeit zu zahlen, weil du anfängst zu sehen, oh, warte einen Sekunden. Wie wenn du anfängst, Körpersprache zu erkennen, was unglaublich ist und anfängst, es tatsächlich so zu denken, wie ein echter Sprache. Du merkst, dass die Körper der Menschen immer schreien. So you start to become better at people watching.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
I was a people pleaser for the majority of my life. And it wasn't until I found negotiation in law school that I started to recognize this was a skill, not a talent. And so from there, it was just about developing the skills and sharing it with the world.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Ooh, is that interaction going well? Is that interaction going poorly? Why or why not? Okay, in my negotiations now, I'm going to think back to some of the ones that I had and I say, well, this tactic worked really well, just like the book said in this conversation. But the same tactic didn't just not work.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Yeah, like, what is... So what happened, right? So now you start asking the right question. Now we start triggering the curiosity necessary. So start studying up on body language. Start studying up on personality. Start studying up on culture. Start studying up on emotional intelligence.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Because again, if we bring this back to compassionate curiosity, now you're putting yourself in a position to make better reads in the moment. I can connect with people and I can understand the things that are causing the barriers to connection, right? So that's the thing. And think about this, Charles. Imagine, which would you rather be?
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Would you rather have all of the negotiation skills in the world and no trust or connection with the other person or all the trust and connection and zero negotiation skills?
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Yeah, I know. So let me say, let me do favorite in two ways, entertainment and practicality. I'll give you the practical one. So the, the, the, the body language becomes more truthful the further away we get from the head. Yes. Denn wir wurden jünger gelernt zu lügen. Deine Tochter gibt dir diese Socken für dein Geburtstag und du öffnest sie, und du denkst dir, oh, danke.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Sei glücklich, richtig? Also, die Leute wissen nicht, wie sie mit ihren Füßen lügen. Also, in Networking-Situationen, wenn ich jemanden treffe, werde ich nicht auf ihre Füße stören, wie ein Krebs. Aber ich werde mir sicher sein, ob ihre Beine an den Ausflug oder an mich. Sobald ich es sehe, wollen sie gehen.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Ich werde es an einem hohen Punkt beenden, bevor es nach unten beginnt und den Kontakt bekommen, was auch immer der Nachfolger ist. Das ist der praktische Teil. Jetzt kommen wir zum lustigen Teil. Also, wenn du draußen bist, zum Beispiel zu Abend oder so, Yes, pay attention to your date. Be a good date. But then look at the other dates.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And so what I want you to pay attention to is blocking behavior. So for instance, if you cross your arms, of course you want to focus on clusters of body language, not gestures and isolation. So it's going to be something else.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
But crossing your arms, closing your eyes for extended period of time, those are examples of blocking behavior because you're protecting yourself from the stimulus that's in front of you. But when you're out at dinner, Das ist, wo es wirklich Spaß macht, weil du dich mit den Dingen um dich herum blockierst. Also meine Kuppe könnte an der Seite gewesen sein.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Und jetzt, wenn ich dich nicht mag, stelle ich die Kuppe zwischen uns, richtig? Die Karabiner von Wasser. Okay, cool. Ja, das war an der Seite. Jetzt ist es zwischen uns. Und so war es so, hey Mann, schau. Ich werde da sitzen.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
What are you doing? I liked it to the side and my producer told me for sound quality, put it here. And then I kept on, I'm super expressive, I kept on hitting it, so I'm like, okay, if I keep it like right here, now I can still express.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Yes, so check out negotiateanything.com and we have the podcast Negotiate Anything, of course, but also we're putting on a series of virtual trainings. So we have one that is going to be for Realtors, but then we'll have another one that is just for difficult conversations in general. And then the third one that is from called from people pleaser to confident communicator.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So how to overcome those fears, fight those internal barriers so you can be the confident negotiator you always wanted to be. But the best place is just check out negotiateanything.com if you want any of those resources. oder in anderen Bereichen mit uns arbeiten wollen. Und dann, wenn du nur 0 Dollar verdienen kannst, kannst du über 1.500 Videos von Negotiate Anything auch haben. Ich liebe es.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Lass mich durch das. Ja. Oftmals haben Menschen einen anderen Ursprungspunkt, woher das kommt. Und für mich bin ich ein erster Generation Karibikamerikaner. Und ich bin in einer kleinen Stadt aufgewachsen, Tiffin, Ohio. Und wenn du sagst, wo ist Tiffin? Das ist der Punkt.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Also habe ich immer gesagt, dass es nur vier schwarze Menschen in Tiffin waren. Ich, meine Mutter, mein Vater, mein Bruder. Und wir standen nicht nur visuell, sondern auch audibler, weil wir Karibik-Akzente hatten. Ja. So I remember one time in first grade going on the playground during recess and trying to find people to play with me.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And I went to one group of students and said, hey, can I play with you? They said no. Then another group, hey, can I play with you? And they said no. Then like time was running out. So I said, okay, let me try this last group. Can I play with you? No. And so the bell rang and I walked inside and just started bawling, just couldn't control the tears. And then my teacher said, what's wrong?
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And I said, nobody will play with me. Und so, Charles, that day, at age six, I said to myself, I will never, ever feel this way again. Everybody's going to like me, I'm going to have a lot of friends, and I'm never going to feel this lonely and embarrassed again. So, from the outside looking in, you would see it was a success.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Because you would say, okay, he went through eighth grade, he became the most popular kid in school, same thing in high school, captain of the basketball team, created the chess team, you know, captain of the tennis team, all of these things, right? But they don't recognize the hidden and silent sacrifices and compromises I made to do that.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Ich würde Ja sagen, wenn ich Nein sagen wollte, und ich würde einfach weitergehen, um weiterzumachen. Und ich wollte andere Leute zu lieben, aber manchmal, als ich diese Zufriedenheit gemacht habe, habe ich mich nicht geliebt. Und deshalb wusste ich nicht, wie ich es überwachen kann. Ich dachte, ich wäre verletzt, so zu sein. Ich habe nicht mal diese Verbindung gemacht, wie ich es geschafft habe.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Also studierte ich Psychologie und studierte, wie man Angst und Phobien überwachen kann. Und dann die Vorstellung von Top-Performance. Und dann habe ich gemerkt, okay, ich kann anfangen, auf mich selbst zu arbeiten, um diese Angst zu überwinden. Und dann, als ich in die Rechtsschule kam, war das, als ich in die Negotiationsklasse ging. Und ich ging nach Ohio State.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Und sie haben das Top-Ranked-to-Dispute-Resolution-Programm in der Stadt. Also liebte ich die Klasse. Und ich sagte, oh mein Gott, das ist, wie ich es tatsächlich tue. Und so hatten sie diese Negotiationskompetenzen. Also es ist wie ein Mock-Trial, aber für Dealmaking.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So my partner and I, we won the competition at the school and that gave us the opportunity to represent the school at the American Bar Association competition in Ottawa, Ontario. And we won that competition too. So I was sold.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And so for me, Charles, I was saying, all right, this is great for me because every time I stand up for myself, every time I have a tough conversation, I am casting a ballot in favor of the man that I ultimately want to become. But at the same time, I realized, wait a second. Es sind wahrscheinlich andere Menschen in der Welt, die mit dem gleichen Problem kämpfen.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Ich will etwas für sie erschaffen. Und das ist es, was mich auf den Weg mit dem American Negotiation Institute und dem Podcast und dem Rest der Geschichte gebracht hat.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Du hast 100 Prozent recht. Und also denken wir an das kurze Szenario, richtig? Weil, wie du gesagt hast, langfristige Therapie, Journalismus, Introspection, das ist, was wir wirklich brauchen. Du weißt, dass Selbstliebe wichtig ist. Aber wir haben nicht immer die Zeit für Jahre Therapie vor unseren schwierigen Gesprächen. Also was tun wir?
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
One of the things that I've done is I created a survivability test. So think about taking the BATNA to the next level. So BATNA, we talk about the best alternative to a negotiated agreement. Then if you go down, we have the other ones that don't sound as cool. So I don't think they're as popular. We have MALATNA, we have WATNA.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So most likely outcome and, you know, worst, you know, but BATNA is usually good enough. Aber für mich denke ich an den Überlebens-Test in Bezug auf meine Gerechtigkeit und das Gefühl von genug und dem Gefühl von Sicherheit. Also sage ich, wie im Worst-Case-Szenario, lasst uns durchgehen. Was sind die Dinge, von denen ich Angst habe?
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Und was interessant ist, Charles, ist, dass wenn du das durchgehst, wenn du es durchgehst, ohne es in einer strukturierten Übungsform zu tun hast, What ends up happening is we go through this catastrophizing cycle, where for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, maybe even years, we just cycle over the worst possible outcomes. And so I say, I turn it into an internal negotiation.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And we can talk about my frameworks for internal and external negotiation in a bit. But I say, all right, cool. You want to freak out? Let's freak out. Let's do this. So I'm going to set the timer. We're going to freak out for 10 minutes, but I'm going to write out everything that I'm afraid of. And then I'll realize like,
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Es werden vielleicht fünf bis acht Gefühle sein, aber dann fange ich einfach an zu reisen. Es ist nicht viel, es sind nur ein paar Dinge, die ich viel überlege. Und so jedes Mal, wenn ich sage, okay, wenn dieses Worst-Case-Szenario passiert, wie werde ich überleben? Wenn dieses passiert, wie würde ich überleben? Und ich erkenne, dass es einen Weg zum Überleben und Glück gibt.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Und, du weißt, am Ende des Tages, ich könnte den Deal bekommen, ich könnte nicht. Sie könnten mich lieben, sie könnten nicht. Und ich sage einfach, ich werde weiter atmen. I'm still going to live. Exactly. And so once I start to see that really clearly, then I have less fears because I say no matter what happens in this situation, I will find a way to be okay.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And that allows me to then be more present in front of the person and actually engage with the person rather than having to fight the demons of my fears in the middle of the conversation.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Genau. Also lasst mich mit zwei Quoten anfangen und dann breche ich das Framework. Also zwei Quoten. Da Vinci und Bruce Lee. Leonardo da Vinci sagte, Simplizität ist die ultimative Sophistikation. Bruce Lee sagte, ich habe keine Angst vor dem Mann, der 10.000 Kicks kennt. Ich habe keine Angst vor dem Mann, der 10.000 Mal einen Kick praktiziert hat. Und compassionate curiosity.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Weil für mich, nachdem ich über 1500 Episoden von Negotiate Anything gemacht habe, von den Besten in der Industrie gelernt habe, in Ohio State gelernt habe, mit Google, Apple, NASA, Intel gearbeitet habe, all diesen großen Firmen, habe ich gemerkt, ja, es gibt tausende verschiedene Negotiationsstrategien, aber für die Mehrheit der Situationen braucht man nur ein einfaches mentales Modell, mit dem man fließt und die Grundlagen benutzt.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Mit Compassionate Curiosity ist es ein dreistelliges Framework, das intensiv einfach ist, aber in derselben Weise für interne und externe Negotiationen verwendet wird. Schritt 1 ist, die Emotionen, Gefühle oder Glauben zu akzeptieren. Schritt 2 ist, mit Compassion zu interessieren. Und Schritt 3 ist, gemeinsame Problemlösungen zu nutzen.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So if there's an emotional issue, you want to address it, label it and lower the emotional temperature of the room. Once we get to a productive state where we can actually think clearly, then we go to step two, which is getting curious with compassion.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And then when we have enough information by asking those questions with a compassionate tone, with the emotional temperatures at a manageable place, now we just work with the other side, not against them to find a solution. So you see how a lot of the core principles of negotiation are just embedded in it, but it just helps, you know, it make better reads.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Also intern sage ich, okay, ich werde das, was ich fühle, bezeichnen. Was fühle ich? Sagen wir, ich fühle mich wütend. Nun, ich werde tiefer gehen, weil Wut oft eine zweite Emotion ist, nicht eine primäre Emotion. Es gibt etwas anderes, das dich wütend fühlt. Ich fühle mich enttäuscht, ich fühle mich enttäuscht. Alles klar. Was anderes? Nein, ich denke, das entfaltet es. Gut.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
So then I go to number two with myself. So I'm saying, all right, then I'm going to say, well, why do I feel that way? And I'm going to answer those questions until I get to the root of it. And as you're going through this, you start to calm down. And we can run through like the psychology in a second if you're interested.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And then lastly, with this third step, joint problem solving, we're saying, okay, I want to figure out what would satisfy me emotionally. And then what should I actually do in this scenario? So now I'm actually thinking proactively and planning.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And so that's how you use internal compassionate curiosity before the conversation to gather yourself so you can be clear headed and perform at your top level.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Ja, also ich denke, es kommt darauf hin, Mann. Wiederum, Simplizität ist die ultimative Sophistikation. Also es ist nie eine Frage, ob oder nicht kompassionierte Kuriosität applies. Es ist nur eine Frage, wie. Also für mich, wenn ich mit diesen Leuten arbeite, die in den Negotiationsprozessen hundreds of millions of dollars in their deal. Compassionate curiosity is the base.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
And then, let's say... But how do they do that? So here's an example. So let's say it's a procurement situation. And so they are trying to deal with a really difficult supplier. Single supplier situation, right? And so then the supplier says, hey, I'm going to make this unilateral threat. I'm going to demand a unilateral price increase. This is a threat. It's going to happen.
I am Charles Schwartz Show
Win Any Negotiation
Sit here and take it or you're never going to produce your thing. So now it's a situation where typically this is where it turns into a fight, where we might say, okay, we're going to dig in our heels, we're going to lash back and now it becomes like a tug of war. Where it's very, very ugly. Or it's a situation where you might just go straight to your negotiation tactics, right?
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Chinese Food: Best Food?
The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations. But most people avoid them, staying silent, missing opportunities, and holding themselves back. I know this is true because I used to be one of those people. As a kid, I struggled to fit in and I was afraid to speak up. That fear followed me into adulthood until I realized something powerful. Negotiation isn't a talent.
Stuff You Should Know
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It's a skill anyone can learn. And it starts with negotiating with yourself. Breaking through fear, self-doubt, and the limits we place on ourselves. Now I help people from all walks of life, whether it's people closing multi-million dollar deals, parents setting boundaries, students finding their voice, or professionals advancing their careers.
Stuff You Should Know
Chinese Food: Best Food?
If you want to handle tough conversations, get what you deserve, and take control of your future, this podcast is for you. I'm Kwame Christian, host of Negotiate Anything, the number one negotiation podcast in the world, where you'll learn one simple truth. You don't get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate.
Stuff You Should Know
Chinese Food: Best Food?
Listen to Negotiate Anything on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Chinese Food: Best Food?
The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations. But most people avoid them, staying silent, missing opportunities, and holding themselves back. I know this is true because I used to be one of those people. As a kid, I struggled to fit in and I was afraid to speak up. That fear followed me into adulthood until I realized something powerful. Negotiation isn't a talent.
Stuff You Should Know
Chinese Food: Best Food?
It's a skill anyone can learn. And it starts with negotiating with yourself, breaking through fear, self-doubt, and the limits we place on ourselves. Now I help people from all walks of life, whether it's people closing multi-million dollar deals, parents setting boundaries, students finding their voice, or professionals advancing their careers.
Stuff You Should Know
Chinese Food: Best Food?
If you want to handle tough conversations, get what you deserve, and take control of your future, this podcast is for you. I'm Kwame Christian, host of Negotiate Anything, the number one negotiation podcast in the world, where you'll learn one simple truth. You don't get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate.
Stuff You Should Know
Chinese Food: Best Food?
Listen to Negotiate Anything on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations, but most people avoid them, staying silent, missing opportunities, and holding themselves back. I know this is true because I used to be one of those people. As a kid, I struggled to fit in and I was afraid to speak up. That fear followed me into adulthood until I realized something powerful. Negotiation isn't a talent.
Stuff You Should Know
What Makes Disaster Films Great
It's a skill anyone can learn. And it starts with negotiating with yourself, breaking through fear, self-doubt, and the limits we place on ourselves. Now I help people from all walks of life, whether it's people closing multi-million dollar deals, parents setting boundaries, students finding their voice, or professionals advancing their careers.
Stuff You Should Know
What Makes Disaster Films Great
If you want to handle tough conversations, get what you deserve, and take control of your future, this podcast is for you. I'm Kwame Christian, host of Negotiate Anything, the number one negotiation podcast in the world, where you'll learn one simple truth. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.
Stuff You Should Know
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Listen to Negotiate Anything on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
What Makes Disaster Films Great
The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations. But most people avoid them, staying silent, missing opportunities and holding themselves back. I know this is true because I used to be one of those people. As a kid, I struggled to fit in and I was afraid to speak up. That fear followed me into adulthood until I realized something powerful. Negotiation isn't a talent.
Stuff You Should Know
What Makes Disaster Films Great
It's a skill anyone can learn. And it starts with negotiating with yourself. Breaking through fear, self-doubt, and the limits we place on ourselves. Now I help people from all walks of life, whether it's people closing multi-million dollar deals, parents setting boundaries, students finding their voice, or professionals advancing their careers.
Stuff You Should Know
What Makes Disaster Films Great
If you want to handle tough conversations, get what you deserve, and take control of your future, this podcast is for you. I'm Kwame Christian, host of Negotiate Anything, the number one negotiation podcast in the world, where you'll learn one simple truth. You don't get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate.
Stuff You Should Know
What Makes Disaster Films Great
Listen to Negotiate Anything on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.