Lehman

I mean, how could they get through this without having a conversation about it? I'm like, why do they say it like that?

I can't even do it right. Sounds like a buzzer. They have an enunciation to it's a.

Look, here's the thing, and you're going to learn this. You're still new at being a father. Yes. When you have kids, kids with an S, Billy knows what I'm talking about. It's just a cacophony of noise all the goddamn time. And so as a father, to maintain your sanity, you just learn just a hum in the background. I have no idea. Yes, he plays music. I don't know what he's playing.

All I know, I have memories of individual moments like the day he played Pink Pony Strip Club.

Great song. Worth it. I was like, that's the first time I've ever heard it. And everyone's like, oh, it's the best song. And I'm like, nah. And then the next song was Toto Africa. And everybody was singing along like it was karaoke. And I was like, see, that's a great song.

Yeah, well, I'm just saying. There's a reason why.

I love you. Jeremy, let me tell you something. Forget about Total Africa. That's a Hall of Fame. Why am I bringing that up? It's not even as catchy as Partying in the USA. It's not even as catchy as Party in the USA.

It's not as catchy as Party in the USA. Then a Jay-Z song came on.

I thought they were color-coded. What happened?

Osama is what I said. They played a party in the USA?

No, the people outside. Remember they gathered outside the White House and they were playing a party in the USA?

Well, then you should have been playing party.

Have you ever had like a really good tuna steak?

Oh, it's so good.

By himself?

Why?

Too much Lehman. Too much Lehman. He's like, I'm a behind-the-scenes guy. I learned a lot about him.

Guys, I have a question. I've listened to the show the last couple of days. Zaslow, he does this thing that I used to attribute to Mike Ryan, then I realized Witty does it too, and then I heard Zaslow do it.

Ah, without having ah conversation.

I think I gave you too much credit because I thought the story was going Lehman's out of town. So me and my best friend Priya have been going out and eating sushi every night in the fanciest places. And I'm like, wow, you got to watch out for mercury poisoning from all that sushi. And instead it's like, no, I'm eating cans of tuna like a bachelor, like a sad bachelor.

No, no, it reduces muscle mass. Well, no, the cold plunge is all about extracting the lactic acid from your muscles, right?

Wait, how much comes in a can?

Oh wait, I thought you meant the microplastics came in little balls, not they were literally found in the balls.

So wait, if they're in the balls, how do they get out? Apple pectin.

I also want to point out that last night, maybe I'm revealing confidences here, but Mike proudly said that you is going to whoop up on Notre Dame this year.

From one Knicks fan to another. Thank you.

I don't think I need to. Also, isn't apologizing the biggest thing a Catholic has to do?

You're here now. You're here now.

I don't think this topic would be good for us either.

Well, Dan's favorite tequila is Cuervo, and Cuervo's not in any lawsuits. So what are you talking about, Billy girl? What are you talking about?

Yeah, I think the grandma not allowing Pope jokes is the most Catholic thing you can be. So that would confirm that, like, usually when you're, are you such and such if this happens? They have to be opposites, right? Like, are you Catholic to your core if you don't observe Lent? That's the way that setup kind of works.

The way you're doing it is, are you Catholic to your core if this Catholic to your core thing is happening? Well, yeah. Yeah, it is.

It's like a shirtless dude, but he has the priest collar on, right?

Do 10 reps of shame. Rosary counts, right? Doing like one, two, three. I don't know how to count on a rosary.

Look, I don't want to divert audiences elsewhere, but if you want to do conspiracy theory talk, Basketball Illuminati has you covered. We covered this exhaustively, and it's not the lazy, oh, it's because they try to look at, like, we've got math involved. We've got numbers. You don't want to miss a thrilling new episode of Basketball Illuminati wherever you get podcasts.

Well, this is the easy explanation why it's not rigged, right? Prison! Yes, that's why. The lottery happens in a back room, right? Like what we see on TV, that's not the lottery. That's the lottery results that they create a TV show around, right? The actual lottery happens in a back room, and there's a representative from every team that's in the lottery.

There's Ernst & Young who are doing the accounting, and then there's NBA security, and then there are also media members there.

Yeah, like Ben Goliver, for instance. People like me. Well, not people like you. Actual journalists.

By the way, the exec you're talking about is Rick Welts. Rick Welts, I worked with him in Phoenix. Rick Welts is the guy that invented All-Star Weekend. Rick Welts was instrumental in the invention of USA Basketball. He was supposed to be, at one point they were saying he was going to be the next commissioner of the NBA. So shout out to Rick Welts.

1,001.

So when they say someone has a 14% chance, really what they mean is there are 140 different combinations that are pre-assigned, right? And then you just wait and see what balls come up. We've had years where people have, I believe there's a year where the Spurs kept winning it, right? Like they won the top three picks. Because they draw number one first. Yes.

The reality is, this is like what people say, oh, the only reason why X team won was because everyone got injured. You should put an asterisk on it. And the reality is when you go through the history of the NBA, every champion has an asterisk. Same thing here. Any team that would have won, we would have been like, oh, of course. If San Antonio had won, we would have been like, oh, of course.

They always win it. If Philly had won, like, oh, of course. They're trying to get them because of.

He just got the number one overall pick.

Then he winked and pointed at him, right?

Zazz, this is the plight of so many NBA players that they don't know shit about how this league works. Not how the salary cap works. Not how trades work. Not how the draft lottery works. Not how polls work. Not how awards work. They don't know shit. LeBron, I guarantee you, when he was shitting on all the guys who said this guy was overrated, he thought probably fans voted that.

He didn't even realize it was players. By the way, Rachel Nichols did the math.

This is my favorite thing. Rachel Nichols did the math. It was like, what the percentage of people who said Tyrese Halliburton was overrated, and then how many players responded in the poll, comes out to 13 guys. Yeah, in the whole league. 13 NBA players said he was overrated. That's what we've been running with this whole time.

One of them absolutely was LeBron. Jessica, come on. Come on. I'm just trying to figure out who did this, right? Him in the hot dog costume right there.

So, OK, so they already before the injury were dealing with, oh, what are they going to do? Because the money is incredibly high and then they got new ownership. Right. So those things are already coming in. Now you got Tatum is out. Tatum is going to be out for an entire year. This is the recovery time for a ruptured Achilles. So how good are they going to be as is?

I guess we'll get a taste of that tonight. We'll see what it looks like when Tatum isn't out there. But there's going there was already whispers that they're going to have to start making some moves. Maybe those whispers turn into yells and screams.

I hate that light bulb head he had when he shaved his head.

The pride and joy of Cheska Moscow. The fanfare helps.

Gave up too much. Still a mistake. He was going to come in free agency anyway. They had the cash space. They didn't need to do all that.

What about when Mario Hazonia dunked on Giannis Antetokounmpo? That was a time. I thought he was going to be good.

Well, Jessica, first of all, I don't know why you said if the Pacers and the Knicks play in the next round. It's not like the Celtics are coming back.

Also, Jessica, I want to apologize to you because you said

timothy is the patron saint of city kids and i thought you meant timothy moskov and i was kind of confused but i was like i want a yes i'm gonna yes and yeah sure i could see there are a lot of russians in the city and i was like why was why is she going on this moskov tangent and then it hit me like oh she means chalamet yeah sorry you described him as a patron saint and i believe in the past you've been described as unapologetically catholic how do you feel about a chicago pope

Wait, which one is he?

This is going to sound dumb, but somehow a pope using a cell phone is such a mind F for me right now. Like what? The pope had a cell phone? What year are we in?

Him and Nigel from the show. I don't know his real name. David Hyde Pierce. Oh, yeah, him.

By the way, that's probably what Kelsey Grammer's dad is like, right? Just like an all-American guy, and then he's got a son who talks like this.

We're having an argument right here. What does a chemist do in a hospital that's different from what a pharmacist would do in a hospital?

Oh, I thought you meant thirst traps of, like, the animals. Like, it would be, like, Yogi Bear. No, that's, like, something Ron used.

No, but they don't change the title. The Curb one I followed too, and it was like, it's always these clips from Curb, and like, ha ha, remember when Larry did this, remember when Larry did that, and all of a sudden there's a school teacher, and it's like, boing, everything pops up. I'm like, what the hell's going on here?

And it shoots to the top of my feed. It's not even me scrolling.

This is what we need. Dan, I'm going to tell you, we don't need a victory lap for you. We need a loser's lap. You've got to do a loser lap in there.