Liam

But not like writer or a thing like that because we're all kind of doing that.

For what culture? I feel like he's a few things, isn't he? Yeah.

Yeah, I think, I don't know his percentage, but... He's not 100%? No. I think the more successful he gets, I increase the percentage in my head. Yeah. I think he's a halfie.

He's from Hawaii, I want to say.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

You sounded confident in it.

Yeah, you read it once, and then you're like, I could bring this into a conversation. That's how I feel with articles.

I feel like it would be so fun to read.

You're a grinder, because I feel like even before that, you've been grinding with online stuff, but still getting on stage.

But you were also doing stand-up even back then too.

That was the same path.

Oh wow. Yeah. I would do that. Yeah. That sounds great. That sounds fucking awesome. Doesn't it? Yeah. And you don't have to hear the feedback right away of like, like doing a joke on stage. You're just like, I think this is good. Yeah.

I'm so curious about that.

You don't have to wait for somebody else to make it.

Is this YouTube at that time?

YouTube is the platform?

Yeah, yeah. You were in the outdoor fest, right? Yeah.

I mean, it sounds like, especially at that time, it's probably really fulfilling to, like, have... This is, like, your purpose. You're, like, doing that and helping other people, like... keep their lives together.

My first touring again was, I think, well, I was doing shows, but not touring yet. Yeah. I think my first show back was February 2021 at an actual club. And it was Acme. And they had, like, Acme in Minneapolis. No, no, no, no. That's a great fucking club. It was my first time. So my first time there was in the pandemic.

He's, like... Chinese, I think. You know what? I'm going to get it wrong, too. But I think Chinese. I'll say it. Yeah, yeah. Can you say it? Louis Lee.

I think he likes... clean i'm not super i'm not super clean either you're kind of clean i mean some of the stuff oh nice man shoot but online my stuff is maybe cleaner but in the i should i should catch up but uh yeah me too let me tell you right now if i finish this yeah i'll be a different person okay oh yeah i don't want to meet him i don't drink that much shit oh boy yeah

I don't know if this is weird to say, I kind of like just started drinking again on Valentine's Day. Wow. For real?

For like a year. So I've had like stints. I like didn't drink for three years, drank again for a year, didn't drink for a year, and then I kind of just got back on the horse.

Okay, so it's weird. I mean, so my, I feel like for me, it's always been, going on the road and doing clubs is like, I just needed a drink after the show. Like, all right, this is the way, unwind. I just got off work, you know? And then I was like, okay, I'm doing that too much. But then it wasn't like, I think there was other things that was the bigger issue for me. Coke. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it's just like... No, no, no, no. We'll see. We'll see.

It's one of those two things, I think. But, um... I can't... And I'll just let you guys decide. Pussy, coke, alcohol, pussy, and weed. I'll send you some. JR's a big pussy guy. JR. He's a pussy connoisseur.

But... Yeah. Ah, this is a good year. Excellent year. But I... So I think... But now I'm in a relationship. It looks like my... Now that I'm, now that I've been saved. Yeah. I'm in a relationship.

All those things.

But probably soon to be.

Yeah, you're my first. Yeah. And the best because it's the only. Yeah. Also. Yeah, but I, but she kind of wanted me to like start drinking again with her. Oh, wow. So we kind of have this thing where it's like, I kind of only drink with her or like at work. It's weird.

No, no, you guys are my relationship too. So we're just work?

Oh, nice. That I kind of want to go back to my ex-girlfriends and be like. And show them what you've learned?

Yeah. But do you have like a go-to like routine? It's like your set? Or do you like, do you riff?

I'm interested.

They film this, but they don't film that. Some, like, fact-checking or, like, show her reactions.

It's like actual, this is the person you hang out with the most. How long have you been dating your girlfriend? Four years.

Well, first of all, if, babe, if you're listening to this, it's the best.

And, you know, first, my last, my everything.

You my first, you my last, you my everything, girl. That's just the Filipino in him. They can't not say it. A little Bruno Mars. Yeah, I'm summoning Bruno Mars right now. Um, but... I would say we have a good routine, I would say. We have the hits, and then every once in a while, I'll throw in like, hey, I've been working on a new song. And I'll throw that new jam in.

It's like, oh, what's this new jam? And I would say it's like open mic, because sometimes he's like... Yeah, I like the hits a little bit better.

Just do your set.

I've tried something different.

Okay, let me do my clothes. Chris Rock just walked out. Yeah, yeah.

You're getting bumped.

I actually have been bumped by Chris Rock, not sexually, but in a... In the bedroom, yeah. Yeah, in the bedroom. Actually, yeah, it was sexually. And he killed that shit.

Pure ones.

Condoms are against our culture, I think.

I feel like you guys are the devil and angel on my shoulder. No, no, no.

Just like a zoo of pure whites.

Is that ever since you had your son, your approach is a little different?

Why not? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now I've got to rethink my entire life. I thought I was doing pretty well.

Yeah.

On stage? On stage.

No.

Yeah. Like if you go to a party and it's actors, writers, whatever, and then comics, you go to the comic and you're like, oh, cool, I feel comfortable now. Yeah.

You're still doing well, but it's definitely, like, it's different. You have to hide that you're, like, super proud, you know? It's like that's the... Yeah.

No, she's blowing everybody My mom is crazy again I can't believe, oh my God. You guys. You guys. Guys. Mom.

She is, man, in her 60s? No. Yeah. You want to see another picture? Here, let me see. This is a 60-year-old mom eating sushi on her birthday.

The older Asians get, the younger you look, too. It's like your body is, I don't know, it's just like, it's magic.

Yeah, yeah.

My favorite thing about Filipino is the culture is very happy. If you go to the Philippines, everybody will laugh at everything. It's so nice. Unless they were at my show that I did there. They didn't laugh at a lot of stuff.

You know what? Actually, the show that I did there, it was fine. But I think it was... difficult to change my perspective from a Filipino in America to a Filipino doing like a Philippines perspective.

And that's something I got to take in as like, all right, this next time I come back, let me try to like learn more of the local culture. That's interesting.

Yeah.

Like certain bits you're like, oh, this perspective is actually more American.

People know you better. They know about comedy more too. They adjust to the culture of like, oh, this is how stand-up works. We know his set a little bit. Yeah.

I've done the Philippines twice and some shows in Asia. We're in Asia. Singapore.

Singapore's really fucking great. It's so fun.

Do not bring drugs.

I did this show back in the day. I was backpacking through Asia. I had a weird chapter in my life. And I was like, you know what? I still want to do stand-up. I had no following or anything.

So it was 2013. I was doing stand-up for two years. And I was like, oh, you know, my girlfriend at the time wanted to volunteer in the Philippines because there was like a disaster. And that was really cool because she was white and she really cared about my country. But for me, I was like, they'll be all right. And I was like, all right, I'll go with you. I'll go with you. Let's go help them out.

So...

Yeah. That's where I'm from. They'll be cool.

So I went to the Philippines. I volunteered at this... Sorry, I'm laughing because I was going to guess.

You know what I mean? What?

You think Kalilah's going back to the Philippines for a fucking... No, no. She's like, we're going here again? No, but... So we went to the Philippines to volunteer. She wanted to volunteer. If you see my track record, it's a lot of white women.

Um...

I'll introduce you to my mom. She's super nice.

Yeah. But, no, so we went, we volunteered. There was an earthquake in Bohol, this island, Bohol.

So we were volunteering there for a few weeks. And after three weeks of volunteering, I was like, dude, I got the itch. Like, I want to do stand-up. And, yeah. After three weeks with this white girl in the Philippines, I got the itch.

I mean, it was really fulfilling. We're helping people, all that stuff. But I'm like, I got to tell some jokes, man. Right. And actually, I did do a set for the volunteers. They asked me to do a set on my last night there.

This guy's really, I can't believe his house just got destroyed and he's just so happy.

Dude, guitar. Filipino dude. Good swimmer. How about your Filipino parents? Yeah, dude.

guitar and they're like these songs are kind of humorous it's not like Manny Pacquiao's work this guy wow this is we gotta put this guy on TV oh fuck yeah Ellen hired me right after Ellen saw the video we had J.R.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is how my set goes. I go with one idea, and then I don't know where it ends up.

So we were volunteering in the Philippines, and then I was like, dude, I was so hungry when I started.

Yeah, yeah.

I know.

Dude, I have a story actually. So I was like the one, one of the few Filipino dudes in the group. And so when we go and talk with the locals, like, you know, their house is like, dude, Incheon will destroy all this stuff. So all of the white, like European, Canadian, Australian, hey, JR, can you talk to them? And I'm like, yeah, I got this. Hey, they are wondering what you guys need.

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to pass out.

I have a visual.

For sure. Really? I got this tattoo with Joe. Are you being serious? Yeah, yeah. He bought my first tattoo at this tattoo place in L.A. This one. It's just a small little Philippine sun from the flag.

what's up with them over here? We don't know. Okay, let me talk to them.

Right away. Really? Because it's weird.

Race trainer. I walk around the Philippines and I do get a lot of stares, not as much as my girlfriend. So me and my girlfriend. Is your girlfriend Filipino? She's white and like blonde.

She's like the whitest possible. So like we'll go there and I think people will want to take pictures with me.

And they'll want to take pictures with her. Of course.

They're like, oh, let me get you. And then they'll be like, can you a little bit to the left?

And then a little bit more, and then I'm not in the picture.

What is Irish? I'm trying to think of Conor McGregor or something. Conor McGregor. Oh, fucking. Yeah.

Are you in? No.

but um this is not japanese by the way no no no your house is safe but um yes he got this after a show and then he also had my parents over at the show when i opened for him at msg yeah so they were like super stoked it was probably my proudest moment with them where they're like okay you're not a dentist that's okay yeah are your parents dentists my mom is yeah and both my brothers and their wives too

Dude, I have.

You're fucking lying. Yeah, I got it this morning. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, this morning I had a really good share. Let me see this. Oh my God, it's so silly to show. I don't even want to show. It's a 24-hour one.

But this is from like... Hey, but you know what's crazy?

This is from like... These were jerking off.

I asked because so so Bert speaking of oversharing I have been to like SAA SLAA so it's like Spanish is the first language sex yeah it's like sex sex anonymous sex I didn't I didn't like have sex or do anything I didn't jerk off for like a year for real yeah it's like a reset thing of like you know I like this is wow this is so weird to share with a chicken I'll overshare then I jerked off this morning

Keep going. Okay, thank you, thank you. I feel so safe now.

Oh, okay. Can we have some? I mean, the drinks are really nice.

I mean, you only live once. Close friends. You never know. It could be awesome.

Okay. So, yeah, I went to SAA. It's like, it's... Sexual Assonimus.

Sexual Assault Anonymous.

Man, I came close. I'm not going to lie to you. So close. She was asking for it. You're not asking for it. No, no. Keep going, keep going. It's Sex Addicts Anonymous. Oh, Sex Addicts Anonymous. Yeah, yeah. So when I speak of the drinking and stuff, I think drinking wasn't as much of my problem. So it was pussy. It definitely was pussy. I like, earlier was the funny one.

Pussy was my downfall. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like I get so much pussy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's true, I feel like the truth is okay to say always.

Oh, no, no. So I'm guessing, were they in some kind of?

What the hell is happening right now? Is this real?

I feel like I'm back in the Philippines right now. We're like, go talk. I'm like, do you have water?

The kids making sweatshirts downstairs, that was cute. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I have gingivitis right now, for sure. For real?

Really? I'm not going to lie, I was convinced. For real? For a second. But it's also, I'm not, yeah. Go back to jerking off.

I'm going to smile, but just with the teeth.

right now cheers cheers cheers so wait tell me about tell me more about like the sa stuff ssa yeah sa so i mean there actually there's a bunch so there's sa which i think is sexaholics did you ever have a mexican guy come in and go what's up sa and they're like oh wrong room sorry no you're definitely hispanic because you laugh the hardest at that one

Or you just love Hispanics. Racism. Yeah, so there's SA, which is sexaholics.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You felt the connection.

Man, probably once. Every time I go to my mom's office, before I have to do the appointment, I floss a little bit.

So there's sexaholics, which is really strict. And there's sexaddicts anonymous, which is like middle. And then SLAA, sex and love addicts anonymous.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, kind of.

It's mostly dudes. And a lot of it is on the phone because it's, like, safer. It's, like, it's even more anonymous.

If there's mild.

Yeah.

Have you ever had El Yucateca? Thank you.

Is it mild or? It's not mild. Then no.

Yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, hell yeah.

There's always a friend you got to show your shits to. Yeah.

Was that testosterone?

Oh, why did you offer it to us then?

I liked you led first with, like, hey, you guys want hot sauce? Yeah. And then the street story.

Thank you, man. This has been so fun. Oh, my God. It's so soft. The chicken.

Why not have them cook it for you? Yeah, $1 for that. $1, all right, I'm going hot sauce on this.

Yeah, my least favorite chicken is a dry, hard chicken. This is like so soft and juicy.

Yeah, dude. I'm fucking insane. Why do I feel like anyone who gets a motorcycle is somebody who's against it in your life? Do you know what I mean? And it's called a wife.

When my mom does it, you'll like it. Yeah, she's really good. You got a glove? Very gentle. You're like, hey, take the glove off. Hey man, go for it.

Yeah. Those guys just aren't good at driving, though.

Why Harley?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, these are cool.

97?

97. I was playing a video game. I was playing Metroid.

Dude, no, 100% actually. That's crazy. Because in Metroid, this actually sounds really fucked up, but when your character dies, for some reason the suit comes off, and they're like, oh shit, it's kind of an attractive girl. And I'm playing the video game, then I died, and I was like, whoa. So you were dying a lot?

You just started killing it. Take the suit off. Take the suit off.

That was my first jerk-off session.

Thank you.

Really?

I don't know. Yeah, our people, that's the big thing. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. No, I think I've seen a picture of her. Wonder Woman.

You know how, like, in high school, when people would, like, talk about your mom being hot and stuff like that? I never got a... No, I don't know that.

Wonder woman how many people do you think that you've jerked off to her like who are like dead now?

Yeah. Keep going, keep going. Captain Zeta-Jones is alive. Who else is alive? Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Great. And what was the next TV show? Anyway. This is a great Goldie Hawns here.

This is my fault.

But you have to play the in the arms of an angel.

Yeah, man, I feel like I just realized I have a hot mom, I guess. Let me see a picture. You actually? Yeah. All right, here, let me see if I can find... What if I just had one in my, like, a sexy picture of my mom in my wallet? Yeah, yeah, I got one.

Just in the arms. Don't do the angel part.

That's my favorite thing I've ever heard.

Who would like you to remember Suzanne Somers?

What? Is she the Olympics swimmer? What is that? Who is that again?

Wow.

No, no, no. I actually really want to know because I know the name.

John Ritter? Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, he's dead? John Ritter's dead?

I feel so out of the loop.

Is it going to be Pussy Is My Downfall? I don't know.

I feel like I got to a point. I can reach over it. No, thank you. Thank you. You're the only other agent here. Thank you.

No. Sandra, thank you. Wait, wait, was it? If it's a country song.

Listen, man.

17, and I'm 34, so 17 years ago. You're 34?

Mom hot. No, let me see.

Unlock. I'm getting my glasses. Hold on. I feel weird because I'm looking for the hottest picture of my mom. Dude, stop stalling. Show us your hot mom. Please.

That was very popular back then. That was a big trend. Hashtag AIDS, herpes, genital warts.

Show us your hot mom. I want to do her justice, you know? Like, I don't want to, I want to like, yo, this is my hot mom, dude. Wait, let me see. This is me in high school.

Yes, amen.

I swallow that jizz. And I think, thank you, Jesus. I don't use the same sentence. I don't use the same sentence. I wait like three seconds.

We got to put that on Spotify. I think it's a 10 minute song.

No, I look like I'm five in high school. Wait, where'd that go?

Yeah, yeah. This is her. This is me in high school. This is my mom. It's like a mother-son luncheon. I can't do it. It does feel weird because, like, her hand is on my side.

Yeah.

That's a good choice. Like I said, yeah, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's safe.

Or is there?

That's true, that's true. Do you talk about it on stage? No. You leave it a mystery? I do, yeah. I think it's fun. Dude, you could make so much more money.

Exactly.

I feel like Joe is kind of like a legend in our people.

In all people, yeah.

He watched his, like, REM sleep.

Man, for how much you fly? Yeah.

Really?

What do you do?

Oh, okay, okay. My entire family.

Oh, yeah. He's a country folk.

I just pictured a dude with a cowboy hat and denim and a guitar. I assumed he was important.

His son is doing stuff too now, right?

Man.

Joe Coy. He does everything for us.

So, yeah, I went to SAA. It's like... Sexual Assault Anonymous?

He has like an album.

Yeah. It's like him holding a guitar shirtless with like boxing gloves around his neck.

But I feel like if I don't say that it's legit, something could happen to me.

Yeah, the next time I set foot in the Philippines, they'll take me to a back room. Yeah. Have you been to the Philippines? Mm-hmm. Is it nice? Really? You've never been? No. Dude, you would have an amazing time there. Have you been? No. They're Catholic, right? They're Catholic, yeah. Very Catholic.

Like doing that bit?

Well, I think you had a bit about every Filipino you met you thought was an unmasked Jabbawockeez. Was that you? Yeah. I still think about that to this day. It's true. Yeah, because it could be real.

I'm just here to remind you.

So he says here, he says, after half an hour, I decided I had to do something. Has Mira told you about her appointments? No. Well, we've been trying to get pregnant for years. Long, painful year.

brain of a 12 year old i'm sorry long painful years okay it's just so important for her to have a baby and you know she blames me for our problems man he's dumping on a 16 year old this i was gonna say this 16 year old is i mean this is a this is a heavy load this is

a lot yeah you know do you know that my wife in there who's losing her job blames me for infertility do you know she thinks it's mine and he's like i just i'm still high i'm ditching school exactly he's like he's like did you know we got uh swiss cheese in we offer swiss cheese now he's like i want her to be pregnant which i've been trying so hard but you know she blames me right

Every day she looks at me like it's me. Do you know what that's like to come home and see?

And then I have to go to work. I have to provide for this house while she runs this dead-end job. And then I'm the monster. I come home and it's me. I'm the devil.

Yeah. The old man smiled at me and told me that I could have it for free. It used to belong to a kid who was about my age that didn't live here anymore. There was something weird. What? What?

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're doing the thing. Oh, did he move? You're doing the thing. Oh, did he move?

I'm sorry about Boroska, okay? I know that you have this knee-jerk reaction whenever kids come into stories now because of all that. I get it. But just because you have an old man who's like, oh, well, I came across this cartridge. Yeah, it belonged to some kid who lived around here. I don't really need it. You can have it. It is not infeasible. Kid moves away.

to the third floor and entered tom's apartment through his bedroom window what what is with hold on pause real quick what is with you like anytime you have to read text normally it's impossible but if you're playing a role you could read an encyclopedia fine i don't know it's like it's like you switch into a brain mode where you're just like dyslexic I feel like I might be dyslexic.

Parents start giving his stuff away. Old man buys like a trunk of clothes or whatever. Who knows what? And oh, look, there's a game cartridge in there.

Oh, I bet he's a perfectly normal guy. He could rationalize it in his mind. Our protagonist could rationalize the interaction as just like a weird way to phrase some kid that lived down the street. The next sentence he says that he phrased it weirdly, but it's not the old man going, it's the kid I had in my basement. It's just like, oh, a kid lived around here.

And that's enough nuance that your brain could be like, oh, that's a weird way to say it. I love that the literal next sentence is, there was something weird about the way the man phrased it. Yes, clearly there's something weird about it, but that's not immediately like, I capture children. Okay. All right. Can I go back to the story? Yeah, I'm waiting to hear what happens next. Are you?

Unless you're playing a character, then it goes away.

Yeah, someone's like overdosing on the floor as the TV's like, I don't know about this, Bristol. We ought to get you back. Hold on.

I, uh, it's, it sounds like, I'm sorry, I'm just thinking about the overdose. Oh, God. Dude, stop. It smells like horchata in here. It smells real bad. Meanwhile, on the TV behind him, just Mr. Wellers don't like it.

You're playing a character without dyslexia, so it just goes away. A character who doesn't have dyslexia, perfect. Do you think anything happens that they don't know about? He looked back towards the building, looked upset, had some fear in his eyes.

I didn't like how close you were to the mic. That was in my brain.

Stop, stop. I just farted. It stinks out in the hallway because I farted.

can i read the story yeah go ahead you're sad you complained about sidetracking and here you are talking about taiwanese yeah that was bad that was bad that was bad i know that's yeah i'm sorry for five minutes about how i derailed the show i'm sorry i'm sorry people don't deal with anything relating to that sort of business around here anymore that was all a long time ago

Following her statements, she attempted to be cheerful again, excusing herself to the restroom and wishing us the best on our return trip to New York. Okay, if this is a Boroska scenario, I didn't do it. Okay.

It can be. It certainly can be. And I had a bit of a tense there, too. But at the same time, I've said that to people. Like, I've been at a gas pump and seen someone with, like, a Pennsylvania tag and be like, what brings you down this way? Or whatever. It's just a Southern thing.

that's your second question you always ask people what that we had a point oh the whole like talking to people i had a conversation with something the other day because someone else had tennessee tags and he was like oh what brings you down this way and i'm like ah down here blah blah and we started talking about tennessee and stuff like that it's just i'm not you can have nice one minute conversations with strangers don't look at my car anymore is what i would say okay are you i'm sorry are you from new york because you're acting like a yankee

That's because they're afraid. No, that's because. Okay, for one. Your wife sure does look pretty in that passenger seat. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're describing two different things. Stop doing the accent right now. No. Stop. Mr. Wellers, I will tell Mr. Wellers this immediately.

No, there is a difference between someone going, oh, cool, what brings you this way?

I can't read anything. Hunter's adapted the role of the aging bald man so well that his glaucoma set.

Are you the Grinch? What the heck? You don't like the smell of bacon?

Here's what here's what needs to happen at some point. I mean, you need to go camping and I'm going to make bacon.

I have you ever. OK, sure. Smelling bacon in an enclosed kitchen is one thing. But have you ever been like outside and like smelled bacon like on a campfire type stuff?

Okay. How you randomly drops.

Yeah. But every time you let me know who you are as a person, it makes you less human. You, the things you dislike, I will stop.

Lots of it.

I don't want that because it's great material for the podcast. Okay. And more importantly than anything to do with you is the success of this channel. Let's get that. Well, I mean, I'm glad we're at least in agreeance there. You keep being strange, but I'm just saying that the things that you have issues with aren't like things people have yes or no's about. It's like core human experiences.

You're like, well, it's just funny, you know, death. Or it's also like, oh, you know what I hate the smell of? Food. Yeah, I didn't say death was funny.

Every day I'm slightly more convinced you are bug people in a hunter-shaped costume.

I love him. Is that right? Remember our podcast? That was a lot of fun. Hey, hey, especially we like that, don't we? And the bugs are just like all over the mannequin's face. It's like they're like chewing through it. It's like just sounds like sounds like a bunch of cicadas in the room.

I'm going to make podcast episodes with it too, where it's just like sitting there and I'm like, remember, remember Tommy Taffy? It was pretty wacky, huh?

hey hunter i like to think i like to think that you're you actually go so manic that you you're having a conversation with it but people can't hear the other end so right yeah i've said it i've said it in public like hey what would kyle from boroska say and then i'm quiet for 20 seconds and i'm like oh hunter classic hunter for sure my wife's left me i live in like a motel room now

Well, what a... Now the tone was dramatic.

This is what you do. You take something. No, no, no. Shut up. Shut up. You take something that is like funny and normal. You're like, you know what would make this so much worse? I never want to hear you say the word Baraska again or Tommy Taffy because you do it with real life scenarios. It's so much worse.

All right, anyways, let's continue. When I asked her what was wrong, she said she had a dream that she was lost in the woods outside and something was following her. I cuddled with her until she fell back asleep and eventually I draped it off too.

So this goes back to my kind of overarching thesis with you that you just hate fun.

Can someone, can someone in the comments put up a, put up a scoreboard right now?

Oh, you're talking about weight. Oh, you just randomly go all my big brothers and sisters. I'm like, Whoa, what are you talking about? I'm talking, I'm talking the thickums. What was I even talking about? Oh, the things you don't like. Yeah. You don't like talking to people at gas pumps. You don't like cuddling. What a crime. You don't like... What was another one we brought up?

I mean, there's several. Someone mentioned up... For one, we haven't said that before, but sure, throw that up there. Any guy who does not like grilled zucchini is an enemy. All right? What are you talking about? I do, actually.

Like she got stumbled and like transformed into a grown man for a second and then went back to talk.

But yeah, guys in the comments, someone give me a list of like all the... Because I know there's like eight things he said that are completely normal human experiences that he's afraid of. So someone put that together for me. All right. Whatever. Doesn't like cuddling. Anyway, okay. Her nickname has always been Monkey Toes. Long story. Gross. Shut up. Okay. What? Pet names?

You don't like pet names? Nah, dude. Someone add that to the list. Whoever commented the list I asked for earlier, add that to it.

Angel.

I didn't know how any of this could be happening. It wasn't just that she was asking for help. That was a big part of it. It was that my name is Thomas. Oh, that's a fun... Okay. That's a fun end to part one. I like that.

Shut up. What do you mean, meh?

I don't hate fun.

The alpha, a muscular three foot tall son of a bitch named Rocco has been spotted multiple times chewing on people's tires. It has been run over at least twice, but keeps coming back.

Okay, whoever has the list going, I'm going to start a list in this room of the stuff that is normal that people like. Add raccoons to it.

Hunter, stop, okay? Raccoons are my favorite animal in the world. I love them to death.

Growing up in East Tennessee, they would come up on the porch at night and put their little hands out. They'd want marshmallows and stuff. They're just sweet little creatures in nature.

Dude, they would get into the trash.

there we go with the accent changing now I'm Creole or something, whatever that is. No, that's Alabama. Okay. Look, the, the raccoons are like these little sweet creatures. They're like little cats, kind of fat. And then like, other than getting into your trash every now and then they'll just hang out near the house. They're cute. They carry their babies around. They're adorable.

Everyone likes raccoons. The only time they bite people's fingers is when like people mess with their babies or something like that. Like, They're perfectly peaceful. I love them. They're cool. I love raccoons.

Someone at one of the live shows, which is as you described them, terrorists, um, they have a pet raccoon and they wrote me a letter and then had their raccoon do a little paw print on the bottom of it. It was so cute. I would have crumbled up and I would have thrown in their face and said, get that shit away from me. I bet you would. You know what? Why don't whoever shows up at the live show?

Why do you want to talk to that guy? You don't meet and greets just for me. It'll be a better show.

Okay, if someone in the comments of this one leaves like the list of stuff Hunter doesn't like, I promise I will write it down somewhere here and we will keep a live tally of things that he is like bad about.

Yeah. A couple things. Rational man. Talking to people in public, like speaking to someone at a gas station, that was one. Rational. Cuddling. That was one pet names, but just anything that involves care or love. You're just, you're just against. Okay. All right. Yeah. He quit. He quit. Cause he's knows I'm right. Anyway, back to the gas station.

Well, it depends on how many times they interacted with each other.

And then also to have her be like... No, Hunter, because you are my friend. Okay. And it's not weird for friends to help their friend bring in groceries.

Give me that one.

If I'd met you one time and you just started helping to be like, well, that's a little much. I can agree with that. Thank you. But then you took it to an absurdist level by saying, like, oh, if I helped you with groceries, it's like, okay, no. No, no, no. Because I know you and you're my friend.

I'm giving you back shots. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you want to put out into the aether to see what happens?

That is not what I said. You said it. No, you said it. No, no, no. Okay, I think more importantly, while we're on this topic, I would like to thank Agnovelli, who in the last episode...

uh has begun putting together the comprehensive list of the things hunter hates uh and i just want to run through them really quickly with you just so you can confirm or deny okay are you there yeah all right so uh gas station small talk yeah i don't like it nope okay raccoons nope correct pronunciation of words especially anaconda solemnity etc

So, all right. Especially, uh, I'm, I'm just going to, I'm just making this list so that, uh, it can be accurate. Um, cuddling. No. Yep. Uh, quote that son of a bitch at Chick-fil-A. I like that guy. Okay.

I'll agree. When you get to a level of like private intimacy of public, it's holding hands and stuff. I don't care. How do you feel about handholding and like cheek kissing? And like what kissing? You say feet kissing? Cheek kissing. Yeah, feet kissing. That's what I meant. The natural progression from holding hands. I don't know how you fly down there, buddy. Cheek kissing. Cheek kissing.

Like kissing someone on the cheek.

All right, I'm leaving that one up then, the PDA. Children.

Okay, children calling parents mommy or daddy.

Jeff Goldblum impressions. Don't need an answer on that one. Meet and greets.

The hesitation. No, no, no. I want to put out there.

I can't wait to see you. The feeling of blankets on cold nights. Oh, I love them. Pet names.

I'm just laughing.

No. No, you can't. You have to still like pork bacon and you can prefer turkey bacon. I can't help.

Waste of space. Get them out. All right. Disney adults. Oh. That one's fine. Probably the worst. That one's understandable.

I feel like I'm like a doctor's visit. Taylor Swift.

Taylor did, uh, root beer.

Hmm. Uh, I'm going to add cream soda as well. Go ahead and put it on there listed, but we're going to put that on there. Uh, let's see. Uh, gravy.

That is disappointing. That's actually really, you know why I'll tell you. And it's not, what kind of gravy do you guys have in the Midwest? Like a white sausage based gravy. That's what we'll do. Why we'll do squirrel gravy a lot back home. What? But sausage gravy. Yeah, squirrel gravy is really good. It's very, very sweet. God. It's delicious. Yeah, sorry that I live. Okay, 17. Let's see.

That's 18. Settlers of Catan.

All right. I'm going to go ahead and mark that as a yes as well. Christmas. I love Christmas. Okay. Vegetables.

uh was it should we should we squirrel pot pie would that be better how about house cat pot pie there isaiah we're just throwing around any animal or you know now i think you're just being kind of racist against uh against appalachian folks and uh i'm gonna skirt over that because that's not fuck you disgusting people all right and um

All right. So with that, that makes exactly 20 things that Hunter hates currently on the list. And it will be sure to continue into future episodes. I now have a tally going at the house. So don't worry, audience. We will be sure.

Yeah, a whole three. A whole three. Like, others showing happiness. A holy trinity. And, uh, Christmas. A holy trinity. Okay, alright. Alright, well, before you get even more blasphemous, let's get back to, uh... Halfway through entry 30, if anyone still fucking cares. I frown a little, unsure what Bonnie means. She smiles back blankly, then resumes the path back to her car.

She smiles back blankly like a good guy. A blank smile? That's a horrifying phrase.

Just the weirdest people you've ever met. Yeah.

Wintery Bay. With Wintery Bay. That's a funny phrase to say to people out of context. It will be fine when we get to Wintery Bay and just, like, don't elaborate.

See you there. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Don't even worry your little head. Worrying makes it hungry. Oh, you all heard the guy crying in Greek, huh? Yeah, we'll be there ASAP.

He's looking over at the other ranger like... I'm going to go there.

Leave it. Leave it. Don't touch it. Please don't. Don't touch it. Please. People will be so mad at me. Please. Please don't. That is stain in the episode. We are out. No. No, no, no. I refuse. I refuse. We're keeping it. There was such confidence. You were so ready for that one.

We've got to learn to talk to these things. Miyamo.

I raised my eyebrow at him and smiled. Yeah. He said excitedly and jumped up off the couch. Then, embarrassed, he cast his eyes down at the floor.

This in-person thing is I'm glad I get to act and be the character. Yeah, I get it. The whole time you were reading, I was like, don't look at me, don't look at me.

Thank you. When we had gotten a decent way into the trees, Jamie turned around and looked briefly at my face before casting his eyes to the ground. He rubbed the back of his neck.

wanted to kiss you all summer don't look at me when you do that line it doesn't help that anytime i imagine you as a kid it's just you your head now but on a smaller body i was stunned to silence absolutely dumbfounded that jamie had found the guts to say anything like this I knew I needed to fill the awkward silence left in his way. So I did the only thing I could think of.

I leaned in and kissed him. It was the dude.

That was so good. Oh, my gosh. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Cream Crew. The show that the other podcast that Hunter doesn't care. Welcome to Creepcast. No, no, no, no.

Not to ruin the tension of this moment, but every time I listen to this part, the thought form sounds like Yandere Dev.

What's the favorite? Oh, um.

I can't. Okay.

As soon as we hang out together, I'm going to publicly embarrass you as much as possible. I'm going to walk up to strangers and be like, my friend here wants to know about your day or where you got that purse or something like that. I'm going to do that constantly.

Anyway. I spent most of my life hunting in those woods, so you can imagine my joy when my parents got me a hunting dog. What was that noise? That was like a growl. No, I did. No, I didn't. I did.

Uh, my family did stuff like that. I know like the kind of hunting I did as a kid was always like deer hunting or like Turkey hunting. You don't really need a dog for that. We did a lot of hunting dogs. Oh, you did a lot of pheasant hunting. Yeah.

And my, uh, my grandpa, did you have, did you have one or did you have like several?

You were seven years old, sitting next to your beloved hunting dog and your uncle, your grandfather, uncle, what'd you say? My grandpa, your grandpa just blew its brains out right next to you. Yeah.

Did it.

I was just wondering.

Yeah, I had a hunting dog, but you're like, when I was seven, my grandpa. Wait, so did he shoot it on purpose? No, I don't think so. He was just holding a gun in his wheelchair as he was disabled from a stroke. Okay. Yeah. And so it could have, it might as well have been you that got shot. It was just like an accident.

No, you should include it. That has to go in the episode. That is a legendary hunter confession.

The story mentioned a dog, and you're just out of nowhere like, I was seven years old. My grandfather.

Yeah, because the word hunting dog was a flashback for you. It was like a trigger phrase.

Hold on, hold on. Would you just, I don't know, hypothetically say that maybe that potentially had some effect on your development that led you to where you are now, perhaps, perchance?

Yeah. But I never found one. You were looking. It's like, it's different. Yeah. I was looking, but that you were just a seven year old, like playing with Legos, like, Oh, they're like, you're like Fido. Your best friend is executed by your grandfather.

That, that was, that was just a lot. Okay. I'm not going to, this is the Friday about that. Yeah. I'm not going to pry to you about that one anymore. That felt kind of rough, but you have to leave it in the episode. That's non-negotiable. So anyway, Sandy wasn't my property and wasn't treated like he belonged to me.

It was especially funny because as soon as you said deal with it, the connection cut, like you got raided. Yeah, SWAT team just raids it and just beats the shit out of me.

sandy was a member of the family my best companion and my truest friend that was until my grandfather shot him in the head while i said you too

That was just a big story for me to just like forget about all at once. I apologize. Okay. I've been talking with my family about taking Sandy, my honey gear, and some essentials to one of the cabins my grandfather owned in his hate. Oh, we're introducing a grandfather. This is actually coming. This is unveiling to be something horrible.

A few hours of driving later, we were setting up camp in one of my grandfather's secluded old cabins. Here's where things get screwed up. Sandy, I'm so, so sorry. Is this my life? Good God. It's really close. We were going pheasant hunting in Kansas.

Grandpa. My seven-year-old cousin watched this unfold. He now talks about the grossest, most disturbing things he can online. He's extremely respected. You want me to read the text you sent me earlier? Which one? About you going to the bathroom.

Yeah. What other response do you want me to have to that? I don't know.

If I wasn't busy on Twitter, trying to shill for disaster relief efforts for the Appalachian mountains, I would have tweeted that screenshot. Well, but what I don't want to happen is some like FEMA workers, like, Oh, maybe we can get aid.

Okay. I'm just going to keep reading. There were still bigger animals that would have liked to take a bite out of him if there wasn't a lot of food for the winter. Heard Sandy's bark fade away in the distance and then stop altogether.

It's pretty easy to repel in on your set. Thank God! That'd be great. Maybe you think one of them would stick around to finish the podcast with me. That'd be friendly.

Yeah. R.I.P. Sandy. You must have ran into Hunter's grandfather. Tragic. No, no, no. It is mobility scooter out there for some reason, like the wheels going. I did. What kind of, not to get too graphic, get to it, but what kind of gun was he holding? Because it's more insane. If the guy who like can't move half his body has like a 12 gauge, he had a deer rifle.

So he can't move half his body, but he's in an electric wheelchair with like a full scoped, like bolt action rifle across his leg. Yeah. He can't even lift that. Why? Why does he have that? A man has pride at least. So that's what I, so that's what they told him. I figured tomorrow would be the last day before I'd go into town and see if my father would help me find Sandy.

He was a retired grain man, but I was sure if I brought up Sandy's name, he'd be more than willing to help me search for him. Thankfully, Sandy... I'm sorry. I just, uh, just as a visual of just a guy, a half paralyzed man on a mobility scooter. You know what? Just talking through the woods at night, executing any animal.

You're bringing your mom into this. What do you mean? You're bringing your mom into this. I'm letting you know right now.

We can bleep or cut any of this. No, you're not.

Hold on. Hold on. Ask if she's gone. If you were, she's gone. This memory is completely ruined.

Oh my gosh. It's not funny. It's funny how you remembered none of it. And it's way more tragic than you initially thought.

You cut that out. Do not leave that in.

if you if you do not leave that in i'm quitting the podcast that is the greatest that is the funniest thing that has ever happened on this show oh my gosh you going from just a normal event like oh yeah it was this accident into like oh we were afraid your grandfather would kill you or something so we put him in a home you know and he died there you know this is a this is a podcast about

No, no, no. Go ahead. We're having fun. Okay, I'm going to read this story now. 1034 to dispatch. Dispatch, go ahead.

That was, yeah, that is staying in the episode. That is the fuck. That is the wildest thing that has ever happened on the show. Oh my gosh. We are going to hear, you are going to hear about Roger until you're dead.

No, no. I remember. Okay. So remember the jokes I was making about like, he's out here and then it's too real now. No, no, it is. That is the new villain that is up there with Mr. Weller. I am only hearing all timer.

I shot myself in the foot immediately here.

I could see the reflection of his eyes is green pearls. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let me redo that. I could see the reflection of his eyes is green pearls in the murder. What?

In his eyes, I could see the reflection of the mobility scooter getting closer.

okay just the image of like a guy who's paralyzed but still has a rifle for some reason oh okay It doesn't help that if I had you at seven years old, it's just you with the exact same head and facial features you have now just on a smaller body.

interjected with my own trauma so thank you for that and i think you know i like this story it was good but it is it has to be one of my all-time favorite recordings because it has brought us to a uh a revelation that i will never let you live down nor will anyone else in the comment section i will i was fighting for my life while I was reading to not make every single sentence.

Like I looked at my dog. It was strange. The front half was long. The back half was a mobility scooter.

You know, the porch waiting for something to come. I saw the shape of a mobility scooter.

Oh, that was so funny. She has stained our family's character to help.

It's, it's, it's not, it's not the best. I crawled into his outstretched arms as something loud banged against the wall for my sister's room.

oh my god okay well no that that means that like she got thrown right right like he's like he's beating her right yes that's that's what it was he's picking her up and just throwing her good shelves and in the room that's when tommy taffy started making every room in the house a wwe ring watch out watch out watch out watch out watch out watch out

it's funny if you imagine the dad is like uh randy savage oh yeah that's the wrong answer brother

really fun use of just like dilapidated buildings too well it gives the overarching feeling that the operator kind of persists and rot right like he's on the fringes of you know society kind of like the upside down it's it's i hate that reference it's like he's uh he's always in the

There's a tree out there. Do you see Slender Man behind it? It's a tree, Hunter. It's not Entry 5, so no. You see him, boy?

i'm i'm here there's a tree man there's a tree be careful most defeated i'm here i'm here end of part seven okay hold on the reason i was laughing at the end i thought you remember the c4 she took at the beginning of the story

yeah i thought she was about to blow up blue jay is what i was laughing about you lack imagination exactly that's what i thought was happening i'm still i'm still laughing over the idea of alice being like you lack imagination boom you lack imagination

They're two different instruments for two different jobs.

Gosh, they're such different characters. I guess I like... the ledger one more because i feel like it's more timeless i really love the joaquin one but to be honest you don't have to you don't have to sway me man i i prefer ledger joker as well that's all we need to know did you have a walking doesn't do anything that a character like travis from taxi driver doesn't do you know

but now i just wanted to pay a little homage is all i want to do the whole thing i appreciate you know between between this bit and the a-cab opening we are going to get destroyed i'm really i'm really getting uh all our texas boys

But I feel like Heath Ledger's Joker is more of a full flamboyant interpretation of just chaos. Wants to crumple the system, whatever it costs.

Tells you things. Says some things, you know, I don't know.

Hello. Next time you see Bluejay, she's wearing Joker face paint.

Yeah, going through the trees. I'm a pariola running the game, and I'm just here to throw a wrench in your plans.

She's dragging Rob by his ankle. He's like bleeding all over.

All right. Party. Here we go. I ran to my small bathroom and fixed my hair as best I could. I looked like hell, but she would understand. Secret of my own unbelievable behavior and the mess I'd made of the place.

I'm just a little, I get a little weird sometimes. He's like, okay.

It's funnier to imagine him wearing full, like Heath Ledger Joker face paint during all this.

Wow, I'm a character.

You set up one little webcam between a vending machine staring directly at the weird redheaded girl's front door and everyone loses their mind. It's simple.

He already has a pole cue in his hand. Yeah, exactly. It's a magic track.

The image of him talking to her through the microphone of the webcam is so insane.

It's really funny. Cause it's like, Hey, you didn't list the cause of death. It's like, it's been a whole two days. You think we can tell after two days, who are you?

Do you think I'm Batman or something? World's greatest detective. No, ma'am. Come on. How am I supposed to tell? You think I could tell how somebody died from a body? They gotta be alive to tell me that I bought a baby dog toots. And then she's like, okay, did you, why did you say her hair was brewed at?

First, she wants me to be a magician, figure out how she wants me to look at the body. What, what, who are they hiring down at the, at the department? These sweet heart, you're so much prettier when you smile. Yeah. He just immediately launches into like, has anyone ever told you you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen?

I don't mean to be too harsh, but it's just a fact.

He's like taking his clothes off.

without everyone's acting so far i would not surprise me this medical they're this police department sucks she's like uh did you why did you list the hair colors brunette and he's like naked rubbing oil on himself he's like yeah coconut oil is great for the skin sweetheart i would like to take you on a date tonight what do you say i'm going to take you to the fanciest restaurant called olive garden

No, no, no. Leaves. They put leaves in there. Then if you get the potato soup, you can dip the bread in the soup and then it's a whole nother world. It's a different ballgame.

What do you mean they sell pasta here?

disgusting yeah get the out of here the case we're going to raise robin yum okay uh where was i okay yeah um it's i don't know a ghost a demon a skinwalker

What are we, some kind of suicide squad?

And then I'm like, oh, wait, I did that. Yeah, that was me.

Yeah, yeah, it just follows me around. See, now that I was able to pass on the curse to you all, and specifically you, Hunter, I just have pleasant memories of Boroska. What a nice little story. Psychopath. Yeah, psychopath, yeah. Marcus seems surprised by that.

Marcus seems surprised. Yeah, the detective's like, what do you think happened to your sister? And the boy's like, I think a skinwalker caught her.

I don't know why you thought that, but... I was just going to say someone, you know, pretended to be your mom. What are you talking about?

Yeah, home invasions are pretty common. What is a skinwalker?

you're dead that's kind of an interesting hook i remember all this from the story because that's like the whole the whole thing it's famous for online and stuff like that that you it's like oh you're actually dead well it's as if the story is a depiction of hell basically i see i see how do you how do you like that reveal how do you like that

uh again it's a little bit i'd be more interested to hear your opinion because i went into reading today knowing it was about hell um i how do you feel about it someone who thought this was like a saw trap thing i don't know you don't know you don't know how you feel about it disappointed i guess you feel disappointed in it you can be honest you can talk it's okay

You know, it's sad that it's not just a weird torture thing. These guys are dead. Yeah, that's sad. I understand. Well, think of it this way. What is hell if not just one really long weird torture thing, right?

yeah so we can we can still do the weird torture stuff buddy and you know we can still get all of that this just opens up the door now for maybe some more supernatural elements to it right right that's why it's on okay so we can we can have our weird torture thing we can also have demons and monsters and it also means that you can probably get an unrealistic amount of blood and gore maybe they'll bring in another kid and shoot him in the face again

you think i think they might okay because now now that it's hell you could realistically shoot as many kids in the face as you want that's pretty cool that's pretty cool isn't it you could just infinitely it could even be the same kid just over and over brought back to be shot in the face would that make you happy it'd be fun it'd be pretty fun wouldn't it so you know maybe maybe don't count it out yet see where it goes from here see what it does with its new idea

Okay.

How does that make you feel? Does that perk you up to it any? I'm the orientation. You get one question. That's how this works. Does that make you feel anything? Maybe get a little bit of a unique depiction here. Maybe this won't be your standard pitchfork and whatnot. It's like, oh, we have a whole process. There's an orientation. You get one question.

I'm imagining this guy, thanks to your stunning voice acting, I'm imagining Danny as like a Walton Goggins type. So that's cool. You have like a... Like a salesman type is the front door for hell. Isn't that kind of cool? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, pretty cool. Danny spent on the floor chuckling.

It's the pigs. I asked. Unsure. I wanted to know the answer. So how are you feeling now? Huh? I don't know. You don't know. Okay, it's not heaven or hell. It is the black farm. And Danny says God lost control when he put the pig in charge.

He slithered on the floor like a worm. His bald heads. I'm sorry. That's kind of sick. I'm sorry, Hunter. I thought you were upset when you found out this was a hell depiction.

You just like that? There's something funny about that to you? About disabled people? Something creepy. You know, between that, between you laughing at people getting hurt, between you laughing at Diego, the guy you lived with who couldn't speak your language and stuff. I feel like there is something. Beautifully reminisced.

I feel like there's something to you about the suffering of others that you should probably think about.

Think how dirty his belly is. His teeth had been removed and replaced with long screws which jutted from his bleeding gums like a broken rock formation. That's sick. I'm sorry, I thought you didn't like that this was hell. It's almost like if the author's creative, you can use hell for some very interesting body horror.

I, I, you know what? Without comment, let's continue. Come sit down, Steph. The food's ready. Ordered my sister. The sight of the seasoned meat causing me to salivate.

Because when you use supernatural themes effectively, you can get to some really strange points. Like, I just want to hear you say you were wrong in your conception about it.

We'll see as the story goes on. All right. Of course, if I did want to do it right now, then I would pretend like I've never read the story before, but that did happen.

bro wouldn't it be wild i i this would be a great bit if i if i had read the story previously because like again hunter can't see me when we record these things what if i just like had a shark floating sitting in my lap i would be pissed and you didn't know until you watch the episode when it's posted i would

bro i would watch the episode and i would be like you son of a bitch that's like i i fully couldn't trust you if that became the fact i could there's no way dude i got okay i've got to chat chat chat you guys gotta keep me accountable for this we have to do something like that in the future we gotta prank him with some elaborate okay anyway god oh man that's so good All right.

i thought that was the dad's line for a second so i did too yeah you have to leave it the debt this is the boy being like come sit down steph a six-year-old boy come sit down the food's ready the chicken activated puberty i just gained another ball That's the fourth one this week.

The episode ended with them playing hide and seek with the kids hiding in a closet and Mr. Bear counting.

How are you feeling? Oh my Lord.

Yes! Yeah, yeah, the Poughkeepsie tapes.

Absolutely.

That's one of the most effective parts about the story to me is that like it's all relayed through just what the kids saw. So all of the intentions and things like that, you're kind of left to ponder with yourself, you know? Yeah. Because there's something so menacing about that ending too, that they were playing hide and go seek and the kids were hiding in the closet with Mr. Bear counting.

I cannot believe my dad never found this sketchy because he actually took me to the house. What?

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let's frame it, right? Because we know what's happening, but he said specifically his dad never saw the station, right?

Okay, so I'm going to run side interference.

Okay. Hear me out. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Okay, the father has not watched the program, correct? Correct.

he has just heard his kid like oh i watched this show about mr bear and he plays with kids or whatever right he thinks that's all it is it's a local show right which means it's somewhere around the region so the kid's like hey can i send a letter to this tv show and dad's like sure so he sends a letter letter comes back and yes while i will admit to the jury That the word, um, cellar is weird.

And that probably should have raised an eyebrow. He's also heard that the TV show is called Mr. Bear Cellar. So, say it was like, it was Elmo's Playhouse, right? If the letter said, I want you to come to my playhouse, that would seem normal. The dad didn't send his child in that direction. He was there with him. Like the dad's like, all right, we'll check it out.

And he walks up with the, with his son and then the police become involved. Maybe the dad saw something, maybe the police were already there. Who knows? Um, but again, I will, I will have that slight caveat about it.

They power up.

Hunter, those are gruesome allegations, and I don't stand for it myself.

I don't know what you're talking about. The defense of what? I just think that he's a good author. He's looking out for his... He's a perfect dad.

Okay, I know I'm a YouTuber, but that doesn't mean I'm a pedophile. Let's get that clear. I know those two often intersect, but...

my line in the god all right that actually that now that you just said that that's probably what it is because christ death on the cross is like the ultimate sacrifice for people so maybe the satanist using it here is implying that the death of the children is the ultimate sacrifice for satan for the fallen angel that probably just dropped in my room holy shit what'd you say god

I don't know how I will say scared the fuck out of me I will say you saying INRI is the one explicitly like Religious symbol that we've mentioned so far and when we mention it the box falls off your shelf, so I want you to keep that in mind hunter

How old is the kid here that's like a 12-year-old statement? You'd put, I don't know, 10 locks on that?

Well, I know I know I got I got this And I got uh, and I got this so i'm gonna be all right Regardless of dude you saying this and this and I have no idea what you're referring to is making it even worse dude Because you're not you're not sharing what I could be using to help myself.

That's my nightmare sound. so i'm excited to get to experience it for the first time because most of the time like don't get me wrong it's fun to know exactly what's going to happen and hold a teddy bear up to the camera to terrorize hunter that's great yeah but by the way i how dare you by the way oh yeah the audience never got to see your reaction

It just makes pop culture reference. You'd have to catch this with the Infinity Gauntlet.

You make me look like a fool. The joy I felt in that moment has to be comparable to holding your firstborn. like wow i'm sure the same thing getting one over on me that much was that was that pivotal you don't understand how satisfying of a burn it is when you're like i think you have a teddy bear it's so good

And again, I'm actually, normally I just gaslight you by being like, yeah, sure, Hunter. That sounds cool. We'll see, because I know where this is going.

At least, who knows? You could be lying. I have no idea. That's right. Go back into your realm of doubt. Yeah, let it sink in. As I'm sitting here holding a shower head up to the camera.

You rewatched the episode, I'm completely naked, just like... Yeah, yeah.

What is this? Some kind of horcrux? Yeah, she's like, what is this, a horcrux you have here?

I was still reeling from what she said.

I suddenly realized that she had asked me a question, and my mind grasped for what it was. Yeah! I said much too loudly.

She doesn't know it, but I count the day that I met her among one of the few moments of true happiness in my life. Well, that's an utterly depressing sentence.

Yeah.

Also, the friend vibes kind of strange to me. It's like, why is this girl who goes to party and stuff? Her quote unquote best friend is a guy who doesn't see people for weeks on end. Is she your best friend or is that your perception of her?

And Hunter, I would say the same about you until you reinforced the meat sweats saying a few minutes ago. That was a significant downturn. But up until then, my life has been better since getting to know you. Despite what the people on the subreddit might think.

Where did it smell like? I didn't know.

That is the deodorant that I use. That is the worst. Why did you have to guess correctly? Why did you have to do that? Dude, I got the nose of a bloodhound, man. Shut up. What can I say? I'm switching deodorant. I'm telling you.

I guess this creature sure was up to no good, huh? I bet he solemnly swore it. Marcus is like, I'm begging you to please stop. I don't understand what you're doing, but I know it's a reference to something and I don't care.

Shut up. You're like a predator. You're like in the woods. I've read. Let me get through this.

Is that your impression of me? Do I have a Creole accent now? Is that what that was?

Yeah, they get down there in the ball. They get down to the swamp and it's just like, oh, I'm Dr. Wellers. I run a local blood clinic here. Hey, how are you doing?

You just got a little Paw Patrol bandage. You're like, no, it wasn't that bad.

Username 666. I don't know. Let's find out.

YouTube.

yes i have this channel called 666 um that has 6 000 subs i imagine because of the name and it just has a playlist of available videos lordy hard rock oh wait oh wait don't worry one of the videos is poor poor sakura Here it is, Western man. Here's your YouTube horror legend. It all leads to this.

This is what it's come to.

We probably can't show it because we'll get copyright claims, but man, this really is... The West has fallen. I couldn't figure out what it was from a distance, so I went closer, trying to be as quiet as I could. When I actually got close enough to see what it was, my mouth literally fell open. It was eggs. Huge eggs, all in a cluster, like a nest.

What is happening now?

uh they were enormous it's hard to explain their size but you can sort of see them in relation to my boot here so what do you mean it's hard to explain i see them they're giant in the previous in the previous photo there's a tree and they dwarf the tree it's literally the these eggs are like what they're bigger than a basketball yeah they're like basketball size just these big giant white eggs in the middle of the forest yeah but when they hatch they need to feed

You have to be honest with yourself. Say it. You're not losing the chicken narrative, are you?

Alright, so the giant chickens are out there. I like this one of like the blurred photo of like the bloody skull thing. Oh, it's fun. It's a really fun photo. I think that's neat, yeah. I will mention that I have seen this character drawn in so many times. You don't need to say that. Hello, my name is Mitch. I'm here to tell you guys about an experience I had.

The references don't even make sense. It's like, wow, I sure do feel like a Malfoy about this.

i don't know if it was paranormal or whatever stupid words people used to describe i don't know it was paranormal or whatever stupid words people use for supernatural phenomena like ghosts i already love them i'm ready dude i haven't looked at this story since i was this is once again this has got to be some primo

Oh, yeah. Well, when I was 12, I'm like, this is so good. Yeah, this is fucking badass. I never liked Eyeless Jack that much, but I remember it. I remember it being, like, favored in the same way other stuff was. Like, Jeff the Killer, the image was out there, so people made a story around it. Same with this.

Don't know if it was paranormal or whatever stupid words people used to describe supernatural phenomena, but after that thing visited me, I believe in that paranormal trash now.

Yeah. It tried to kill me. It tried to eat. It tried to eat me alive.

It's like, that's great. I wouldn't like the idea of me moving in since we had not seen each other for 10 years. So I was excited too. The grammar is killing me. So I was excited.

Wait, they haven't seen each other in 10 years?

It might be. Yeah, how old are these people? My gosh. I soon fell asleep after I moved in.

It's like, yeah, you mean you went to bed there eventually?

What the fuck? This is written by an alien. After that first week, I heard rustling noises coming from outside at about one in the morning. I thought it was a raccoon, so I ignored it and tried to fall asleep. The next morning, I told Edwin about it, and he agreed. These commas...

hey hey Edwin yeah I think I heard a raccoon you probably did okay all right hey Edwin yeah there was a noise outside okay I think it was raccoon uh-huh do you agree yeah yeah I darted up and looked around my room but I saw nothing the next morning Edwin dropped his coffee cup when he saw me. He held up a nearby mirror and I saw myself. I had a large... I had a large dash in my left cheek.

It's like bigger than he is. It's like waddling over.

After I was rushed to the hospital, my doctor told me that I must have been sleepwalking, but then he showed me something that made my blood turn cold. He lifted up my shirt to reveal a sewn up incision where my kidneys were.

You already took the guy's kidneys! He took his kidneys and then cut him on the cheek so that he would have a plot element to be scared of before he then goes to the doctor. How did Mitch not wake up during any of this?

dude i forgot i thought i hadn't heard this story in so long from what i remembered eyelash jack just kills you or something right i forgot about the kidney part that's great oh my god oh my god i read the next line i stared into his eyes mind widening you somehow lost your left kidney last night the doctor told me we don't know how though sorry mitch

Oh, that's weird.

I fell unconscious and woke up in the hospital. My doctor, the same one who treated me before, entered the room.

The, the, the idea of the doctor, just like he's about to go tell him and his brother's dead. And he kicks open the door. Like, well, it's one of them. Good news, bad news. Okay. In the hallway leading to my room, I saw Edwin's body.

I looked at the thing I had picked up and nearly vomited. I was holding my stolen half-eaten kidney. Yes! Yes! With some black substance on it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Yes. Oh, my gosh. That's so good.

Oh, my gosh.

Forever. That was rude. That was mean. Say you're sorry. I'm not gonna say fucking fuck you. I'm not gonna say you're sorry. That was me. Hell no. Hell no. Okay, I'm changing my will that if Hunter does that to me, I'm putting a bomb somewhere in his house.

You're putting a bomb? Good God. That's more reasonable than what I was talking about last episode. If you tie me to a random corpse and put me in the ground, yes, I'm putting a bomb in your house. Without hesitation.

I had this whole thing planned with the lights. They were gonna go out, and I was gonna pit her around. I was gonna do a bunch of stuff, but I can't be bothered. Him and Marcus drive away together, the creature and Marcus. It's, I don't know, a ghost...

Well, I'm going to start learning. What's going on in roommate? Okay. Yeah, whatever. All right. Stumps. AVI. Five minute long video where a man with no legs is attempting to break dance on a DDR mat. And what looks like. I'm sorry, Hunter. Is something funny? Is there something you want to bring up?

The phrase, the word attempting is pretty funny.

Yeah, nothing. Nothing, sorry.

Wordlessly, the man raised a shotgun, placed it against the boy's forehead, and blew his head off. I'm sorry, Hunter. Is something funny?

okay sorry when you all get mad at me for picking stories that involve like tommy taffy-esque themes or boroska themes or whatever remember this is what i'm working with okay this is what i have to keep happy this is let me tell you shovel that was adult content into to get something out of

Okay, audience, the reason this is funny is because it's so over the top.

How good is that? So good. Bro, I think my skin is moving. Oh, my heart. Oh, it's so good.

What monster? Are you talking about the monster that got her in the dog kennel? Oh, stop. What are you talking about?

What are we, some kind of suicide squad?

I like the word juicy being applied to me in any respect. What are you talking about, man? That's a compliment. Juicy? I don't know about that. My wife said it. Maybe I take it as my big, juicy lips. I didn't feel like a compliment.

that this the day of the dead thing is infinitely important the whole attraction she's hot thing is window dressing the fact that she is there for scanners and then wants to see day of the dead she is going from cronenberg to romero that is a prize that is something he needs to get a hold of just advice for my boy windigoon my boy windigoon bricked up I refuse to stand at this point in time.

When I first met my wife, when we were friends, it was right before Halloween, and she was like, oh, we're having a watch party for all the Michael Myers movies, all the Michael Myers Halloween, do you want to come over? And I was like, oh, you're having it? She's like, yeah, I love all the old slasher flicks. Like, done. Here we are. I'm like, that one's not getting away.

ring a ding ding you said the magic words you're saying it like a jesse pinkman voice i asked again and she replied there's a man at the door then 10 seconds later and a woman at the bottom of the stairs all right hunter let's role play you're in this scenario what's what's what's step one

120 seconds. Holy shit.

of the house is lost I'd kiss her on the forehead and I'd say hasta la vista baby and I would just open the window and scurry my fat ass out there the hey hey is really funny eventually like something really unsettling however you're like yo yo hey hey yo hey hey No, no. Faye was irritated that I'd done this without her permission and waited outside while Kay set up.

Dude, if my wife was doing this and then she was like, I'm just mad that you got holy water, bro. I'm tying her in duct tape and dropping her off at a nunnery.

I was like, cave and pregnant. And then I'm like, oh, wait, I did that. Yeah, that was me.

I was like, what do you mean? Oh, she did it like the priest. That's weird. I was gone three weeks ago. Yeah, my ass is in Maui right now.

And then licked my face.

Yeah, it just follows me around. See, now that I was able to pass on the curse to you all, and specifically you, Hunter, I just have pleasant memories of Boroska. What a nice little story. Psychopath. Yeah, psychopath, yeah. Marcus seems surprised by that.

uh her mom laura admitted to me that something had happened to faye as a child at the cabin what up what a bitch i would i would be like you know what you're going in the same house with her i called you over this in confidence and you lied to me you knew something was happening and you lied to me you kept this for me this is my life and your daughter's life sorry i have to admit something but something did happen to faye as a child why did you tell us

yeah what the fuck i literally called jamaica he does this for two reasons uh to work on his art commissions and to make sure faye doesn't stab everyone to death and burn the house down in their sleep hey hunter if i just called you and was like i have to go on yeah no no because your house would be a vacated i'd be a maui with a pina colada Wasted away, get a margarita.

At the end of the pipe was a simple shower head aimed down towards the ground.

you know yeah that's awesome yeah yeah it's pretty good you know that feeling when your stomach drops in this case i think mine literally did because i vom oh that was that was the story what oh no i'm just listening oh i'm sorry i thought you thought i asked you know when your stomach drops like uh like i personally was asking you that wasn't part of the story

That was too good because I kept reading the words on screen and you're like, yeah, oh yeah.

Wow, Isaiah, good point. I never thought of that.

Son, you need to go tell your mom not to come outside. I'm going to be busy with Rocky for a little while.

The Flesh That Hates?

610, I think. Yeah, The Flesh That Hates.

Yeah, no, I know that one.

Yeah, the detective's like, what do you think happened to your sister? And the boy's like, I think a skinwalker caught her.

Sometimes the dog's acting kind of funky, and you got to know it in the biblical way, if you hear what I'm saying, Bob.

Yeah, nah.

Nah, I'm good. Yeah, let's go with Starkill. Alright, Starkill. It does look exactly like... It says virgin anus. doesn't it look like vagina anus i think what it is is it's virginia nuss probably because you know they name it off of like where it was discovered virginia's probably virginia yeah virginia's this is the worst case this is the stinkiest and worst case of a vagina anus i've ever seen

Is that you, Mr. O'Connor?

I don't know why you thought that, but... I was just going to say someone, you know, pretended to be your mom. What are you talking about?

Officer, I don't see what the problem is. If we're going to eat animals, then we might as well. Like, he's doing all, like, the Twitter justification for it. Oh, my God!

Where's Rocky? Don't worry about it. Don't worry, boy. Why don't you go ask your mother?

sorry I've not been in touch guys it's been a busy month however I'm pleased to announce that as of yesterday night I finally touched down in Phoenix Arizona I'm posting this log from my first American hotel room which offers a gorgeous view of both the state hospital and a local prison auspicious times drop me a line if you're in the city or if you have any information at all

Yeah, home invasions are pretty common. What is a skinwalker? I know Clancy's a kid, but there's still no level of Clancy. Like, there's the whole, wait, where do you know about skinwalkers or whatever? But I mean, like, even when I was a kid, jumping to supernatural conclusions, if an adult went along with me, I'd be like, what?

I had to align all of my chakras to get that out, okay? I think it worked well. It worked very well. Sad part of me realized that this was the closest thing I'd had to a friend in almost a decade. I found myself looking forward to the discussions we would have after each meal. I'm laughing because, in a sense, you are my parasitic twin that I read to. What do you mean? I was just reading that.

And it was like, I would read to him. And the part where it's like, sometimes it would talk to me. Yeah, sometimes.

I was a big lipped, big lipped Hawaiian shirt. There it is. There it is. And the twin could control fire. And also, yeah, there you go. What was a little, a little punk. Sometimes I'd have to stop and explain an event to them, but most time they just listened quietly and waited patiently. That's so you. Afterwards, we would discuss our feelings on the book. What we thought was going to happen.

It's just the Creepcast origin story. The next one's great. A sad part of me realized this was the closest thing I had to a friend. Yeah. I found myself looking forward to our discussions. I didn't mean to ruin it, but I think I just did. Oh, well. It's great.

A lot of people have commented on this story being like, I would assume a title like this would be like some weird gay conversion thing or something like that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you kind of the train you're expecting it to go down. But I don't know where this story is going to go, honey.

I don't know where this story is going to go.

That is a wild accusation.

yeah the eradication of abnormal sexuality like smacks of the pulpit yeah you know and also like you have to kind of transport yourself back this is 12 years ago right so oh yeah i guess we should have said that uh it this is posted 12 years ago so it's been a while yes by user uh wreath By the way, R-E-A-T-H-E, so for credit.

We were going to mention that at the beginning, but at the end, I mean. Oh, you did?

It's just that whenever you start talking, my brain just kind of zones it out and quits paying attention because I don't care.

Oh, her uncles are dead? That's weird. Hey, have you heard of skin men before? Yeah, exactly.

I was talking about a movie I watched the other night.

We were joking, but we hit the nail on the head for help I Don't think so what about Barasca? Yeah, Sam does doesn't give a fuck about letting them fly like out there.

can thought forms be created in a manner that would benefit american society and help keep american citizens safe that that is so funny to me the delivery on that where it's like so after finding out this earth-shattering information we asked the question can this benefit the u.s government

How can we thought form an A-10 Warthog to smite our enemies?

i am currently thought forming a fleet of kamikaze violence to rain down holy justice on those who have wronged me that's the power of that form that's the power of thought for whatever this next part because you said dress partially do you think you're like and then they're like that's what we bring in the velociraptor

this section is it's like i really want you to think about a dinosaur yeah bring back the dinosaurs it's like it's like a five-star general standing next to the chair like i want you to think about a lot of dinosaurs all at once i need you to think about a long neck with a rocket launcher tapped to his spine can you think of that for me mister unit 13 needs you

I should have a parent right now. Where's my dad at?

And also while you're at it, if you have the time, can you think about an eight foot tall copy of Gwyneth Paltrow that has a triple M chest?

And she also doesn't understand what love is, and she thinks that romantic interest is the same as motherly interest, and she thinks I'm her son. You'd be better.

Please. Thank you. Just combining all of her movies into one character. But also, everyone else doesn't see it, so I don't have to deal with the repercussions.

Actually, you know what? Scratch that. Robert Downey Jr., eight feet tall, huge rack. I'm never going to kill this guy. He knows too much.

I should call the police. The police are zombies or something.

Don't worry.

And if you're going through the hallways and you happen to see an oiled up Kim Kardashian that's nine feet tall and thinks I'm her dog, ignore it.

They're all plant people. It's just me and you, child.

There's nothing to fear but fear itself.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm thinking about the visual of a general, like a Sam Elliott type, just as the machine's turning on being like, but also I want her to be like 5'6", 5'8". Definitely not over 5'8". And maybe also if she could smell like...

Against the world now. Do you want me to show you where vampires come from?

If you could make her maybe a little bit upset when she comes home from work in the evenings, and that's understandable. But after a time of comfort, she likes to be held and release her frustrations in a healthy and respectful manner. That causes us as two people to grow closer together over time. That'd be great.

Also, if you could give her one arm, but the other one's an oven mitt.

Ladies, I want you to imagine that your mom dies, and then at your funeral, your boyfriend walks in wearing a suit that doesn't fit him and goes, what's wrong with you?

And oiled up as well, please.

Yeah, he walks in like, whoa, this isn't anything like oil in Iraq. Who did this? Who is this? Who the hell is this?

oh god you faked the painting you are really painting those wonderful pictures he's he has to be mentally gone real quick fellas he's playing it way too fast that that kind of move that's like after your your first or second confirmed date you don't trick a girl into showing up with friends the friends aren't there and then you're trying to hold your hand way too fast

No, no, of course not. That's the third day.

He's playing it all wrong. You cut a hole in the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get the dune popcorn bucket. Perfect. What'd you expect? The theater had long closed so I only had one option. I told her that I was going to go behind the theater to piss but that I'd be back in two shakes.

It was obvious that I thought it was hilarious and she seemed to laugh more at how funny I found it than at how funny it clearly was.

I'll be back in two shakes.

I cannot find the name of the person so I apologize whoever the author is probably writes elsewhere so the Gregory 88 was like oh let me do a fun little Twitter ARG so it was something they were kind of doing off the dome you know and then I think they wrote themselves into a corner right like they get near the end and they're like ah they were asking themselves a lot of the questions we were like well what does the thing look like what does it do what Isaiah what

Clancy's like, this is just like Hogwarts. Marcus is like, dear God. Good God. You're not a wizard, are you? Like, what, Marcus is just an equally delusional old man who, like, also thinks media's real? We're gonna need to call Nick Fury on this one. Like, it's just... You have to say you... To your girlfriend's father. Exactly. That's a great idea.

I guess I'm just, I guess I'm the bad guy. Isn't that right? Oh, what, what are you? What are you going to go to the hospital? Like it's visibly leaking down. You're like, are you going to go to the hospital again? Let me enjoy my weekend.

Gin, baby, don't let her bother you.

Fuck!

Fuck you! The phone's not even... The phone's not even plugged in. He's just like...

You want Uncle Eric to come over? you got a, you got Jenny, baby. You got yourself a room that smells like cookies.

I'm just a big old bug in the house. That's what the house wants me to be a bug. I guess that's what they want. Speaker 2 in his house. My buddy keeps getting eaten like a bug in his house. Speaker 3 in his house. Speaker 2 in his house. Speaker 3 in his house.

Speaker 2 in his house.

I bet, yeah, I bet you've been to this hotel at the second store. Are you Jen? I think, are you Connie? Are you my wife?

Connie, I told you Jen's coming. Go away. Jen's going to be here soon.

25.

Yeah, he like, he's like, he like comes up to the house. He's like, is this what you want? Is this what you want from me? And like the house just like sinks into the ground really quick.

The police show up and he's like, this house thinks it's better than me. This house thinks that I'm not good enough.

I'm going to pay the house to eat you like a bug. Return of Sweatsuit Man. This is the next day. Friday, October 29th. Yes, he's back again. this time he has a vehicle.

i should be working jen in her head is like i hope he's doing okay she pulls up and he's dressed like a giant penis he'd be gone for six days eric what the carly i thought you were dead Oh, I'm blending in so it won't find me, Connie. Yeah, he's like standing by a tree. How could you see me in the garden? You don't think the house can see me, do you? If it sees me, I'd have to leap me like a bug.

Have you ever seen a two-story Victorian house walk around here, Abby? every house he passes he like hides he's like you can't be too sure with these things oh god okay we have to continue yes so after that he exited sherman way and headed east then i got stuck at a light at the north ridge med center and lost him again I just kept driving and looking.

I thought, I'm sorry, I'm just imagining a naked guy in a green suit driving a car, trying to be low-key.

I cannot wait to meet your parents and in-laws. I have so much to tell them. Oh, gosh.

oh man I want to go to bed um editor was reluctant to go back we all were but he knew he had to why does he have to why does he need to call the police what do you mean well we will after we do our edit because we're interns the editor leans around he's like we have to go back could be a dead child could be a photo of a dead kid you know

I also want to mention that in the last episode, upon watching the upload, a lot of my impeccable Jeff Goldblum impression was cut from the final level. And I equate that to the burning of the Library of Alexandria. I think that is perfect art. that should not be tampered with. So, this is your warning.

I am going to insert it into any location I can through this story and make it impossible for the editor to catch all of them, okay? Because I'm mad and will continue to be mad.

I think there were literally like 20 minutes of me sitting here talking in a Jeff Goldblum voice that never made it. Just me going, could be a dead child. Could be a dead child. Me and my son Benjamin. Yes!

You mean the hat store? Glasses, you say?

I went to the website. It's one of those bot chatting programs. I think it's best if I just let the conversation speak for itself. Hello. Hello. Who is this and how are you able to control my computer?

This is an imaginary room, Tiffany.

Hola, Tiffany. It's me.

He's like wearing a sombrero.

He keeps asking me for salsa.

Dr. Redacted, I think it is the Macho Man Randy Savage character from the Tommy Taffy Creepcast.

But actually, if they think about it, the way that Hunter and Isaiah cleverly bounced off of the trauma in the episode for good comedy really highlights what Creepcast is all about. And I think they should get over it.

Even, Dr. Redacted, even the fact that it's a story and they should grow up and get over it.

Right. Forgot you're a bot.

Right. And maybe, Dr. Redacted, the audience should lighten up a little. Dr. Redacted, Isaiah and Hunter are trying their best.

That's right, Tiffany. That's right.

What? Did someone die around here or something?

Listen, I know whoever's screwing with my computer can see my screen right now.

You ever cut a mouse? You ever cut a mouse? Jim likey. Whoever edits this, if you remove any of my Jeff Goldblum impression, I'm going to break something, okay? Let me have it! Thank you all so much for watching. Thank you for checking out Greylock and Bully Hunter about whatever I told you to bully about in the comments. No, no.

There is one thing I want to get off my chest before we start, though, that mostly I feel like you'd appreciate. I was in the city this weekend and some girl runs up to me and she was like, oh, my gosh, are you that guy from Creepcast? Not Wendigo. That is nice. Not Isaiah.

Yeah, yeah, and I'll wager that you're one of those IT kids who thinks he's tough shit. You know what you're doing right now is illegal, right?

that guy from creepcast that guy that guy you're the guy who does the jeff goldblum impression right yes yes now if she said that i would have been thrilled i've been like that would have been up that i would have actually quit the pot i would have been like okay i'm done i'm actually done i would have been like that's right that's me no she wouldn't know that because the editor keeps cutting it the creep tv was the most the most the jeff goldblum impression got out because caitlyn wasn't allowed to touch it

enjoy it while you could because it's the last time you just had an incredibly long detailed description of why you shouldn't be here at all there's bad spirits they're from the mind get away save your wife and you're like well i guess i'll camp out here another night i mean they put hold on

No, you're not cutting anything out. You're leaving all that. You let me have this. You know how scared I am right now? Oh my God.

Oh my gosh. You're right about the next line. Sometimes she would struggle, but usually she would just go along with her head hung low. What a job. I'm watching this woman get periodically kidnapped to this trapped room every day. It's like, Oh, that's kind of funny. That's a little weird.

No shit. Are you familiar with the terms invasion of privacy? Get off my computer, kid.

She always looked peaceful and happy when she was painting and seeing her that way, smiling serenely from time to time, as she got something the way she wanted it. It always made my day. She is totally going to paint something like, help me. Yeah, yeah. Or it's going to be like a bloody face or something like that. Or like Jeff the Killer painted. Yeah, yeah.

I guess I'm just a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. The lady just looks at you who's watching and it's like, oh, what if I'm painting Jeff?

You think I forgot? You think I forgot about Jeff? I'm just Wade. I don't even remember where we were at. There we go. Okay. As long as you gave it the treat it wanted, you would be not only saved, but rewarded. That's assuming that you're in control of the negotiation, which I feel like is a misstep.

Cool story. Anyway, I'm calling DPS. You picked a bad time to screw with me, kid.

What is this voice?

Okay, whatever. I'm just going to keep going. What?

Majora's Mask?

How did you know about that? because because what? I did it did what? I played with you what the- what?

who is this? Bing the statue? you're inside my computer now? yeah how?

Did someone else die? Okay, well, what's wrong? Oh, her? You've had like three days to know about her. Why are you crying over it now?

If you're so powerful, why use a ridiculous website like this to chat with me?

I like that. You think it's funny?

And my notes?

Why are you letting me?

Window closes. Do you want to explain what that voice was you were doing? It's chat bot, dude, or clever bot. I've never heard clever bot. Does it sound like that?

yeah shut up i hate you i'm in the middle we are at the end of this story we're gonna keep going okay bid called me to clip are you bored i'm not bored i just know that you're you're gonna derail this i just know you're gonna derail this he tells me anyway we're back to clever bot What is it? What's the point of playing? I die whenever I do anything.

What?

What are you talking about?

I can't, bro. Part of it's exacerbated by you, admittedly, but... Exacerbated by my question, she said... Oh, yeah, sorry.

She's like, why don't you just talk... Why don't you just talk about the goddamn balloons if they're so interested? No!

You and your shark pool float have been here for 30 years.

When you play a character, you're temporarily possessed by that character. I followed him to a black jeep sitting at the edge of the parking lot. We jumped in just as a loud bang echoed across the asphalt. God only knows what it meant.

Huh? Hunter. What? Just read the sentence at the end of this paragraph.

Okay, maybe, maybe, maybe we now, maybe part three is supposed, maybe it's like Army of Darkness. Oh my God, wait.

In the first couple parts of the story, we mentioned how time changes around it. And it has been mentioned twice now that I am significantly older than you. So the audience cannot put those two factors together. So I will now explicitly say that I am precisely eight years older than I should be due to time differentials created by the demon.

I didn't think too much of it at the time. I figured it was probably a kid from one of the other houses trying to mess with me, so I took it off the door and tossed it in the fireplace.

Well, look, all I'm saying is every forest that I know, every self-respecting forest has the pagan child, right? That runs through the forest and leaves stuff. And I suppose burning their gifts is, you know, an appropriate response. I always just kept them, just like put them up in my house. I thought they were cool.

We gotta keep continuing because I'm gonna get- Let's put it this way. Let's take a step back and kind of observe the story so far. This person's a grad student. We'll call him Greg. Greg is a grad student, right? So he's like, he's going through school, probably doesn't have that much money.

Maybe like not really a strained relationship with his mom, but not enough that his mom's willing to talk about her father. Right. So he's probably not that well off. And then he suddenly gifted a house that he could probably sell for like a quarter million. Right. Countryside. Nice house. Stuff like that. Oh, dude.

He can't just walk away from that. Right. He has to do something. Absolutely can.

Okay. Well, I'm going to be sympathetic for at least... He hasn't lost me at this moment. At this moment. He's lost you. To you, he's chum.

Yo, they got free drinks here. Let's go. Yo, Kimber. Yeah, he's like across the deal. Yo, Kimber, they got tea. They got iced tea and cookies. Do you want some? I know you said it makes you bloated if you have it too early, but can you have it now? I know you're worried about stretch marks, but if you want some chips ahoy, let me know. I know you're like fat and all, but these are pretty good.

that's all i got i i i have nothing i have nothing but hate in my heart okay well now now out of necessity i have to be a greg defender that's fine because if we both if we both hate him this is just gonna be mean so i've gotta come to his head you have to wear that cross i have to bear that cross yeah okay so the guy who rightfully so burned the pagan artifact says right by the next morning i'd pretty much forgotten about it okay he's lost me

After that sentence, he's lost me. What do you mean you forgot about it?

No, no, I can't. I can't do it. I can't do it. I have to stay on his train. I'm Greg Defender. I would forget about it too, I guess. I thought about getting in my car and just going home, but I felt like that would get me in trouble. There's all sorts of property tax stuff I don't understand. I felt trapped. Okay, you can leave.

You can leave the house and still pay property taxes if that's your issue.

Sure, Greg, whatever you say. It is getting across the idea that Greg's kind of dumb.

Okay, a lot of dumb, not kind of dumb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think he'd make any noise.

yeah just like he would barely move at all damn slenderman makes you do all the work He probably just stands there and, like, looks down. Okay, I don't know. He just stands there and looks down.

That's got you hung up. Doesn't it? Do you expect Taylor? Do you expect slender to be a good lover?

Are you okay?

But then you told me your job was being relocated. What is going on?

These two absolutely insane people. Yeah, exactly.

Well, maybe they're taking turns having these paranoid fits.

I guess you can have one.

also just like i'll say this i know at least a dozen guys who would commit unspeakable crimes for jessica just like she just has the just the phenotype that in absolutely insane men would kill themselves over i can't explain that in a rational way but someone knows what i'm talking about dogila So I'm walking around the car with my night vision on. Like, there's nothing out here.

I can see everything. There's nothing. Put the helmet on. See for yourself. And she was like, I'm just scared. So we set up with her crying until sunrise and then drove home. Oh, my God.

No, what I should have done is I would have been like, I'll go find it. And then I just don't come back. Yeah, don't come back.

Dude, I think she would have divorced me. Oh, 100%, yeah.