Lindsay Roth
Appearances
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
No, but it could be better.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Yep. I go straight to routines and rituals. So for example, I know you have them with Yasmin. It's really important actually. So every night when my husband and I get into bed, okay, all your dirty minds out there, like don't go straight to that point. We get into bed, we snuggle up, we share an iPad and And we do the New York Times crossword puzzle. We do strands.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
It goes back to that, you know, when you see people's tombstones, do you write your work title on your tombstone? No, you write about your spouse or your family or the life that you lived. That's what's important. You know, I want to be one of those people in life. I want to be married for like 65 years and I want someone to ask me what the secret to my healthy, happy, long life is.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
We do a whole bunch of games together. So we're using our minds. We're keeping our minds healthy. And we do these games together.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Answer.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So it's so funny because you talk about this all the time. And my husband falls asleep in about 30 seconds. So he doesn't need them. But I do. definitely need that. I need some of your turn off the light rituals. And I listened to you talk about this and I know you, and I really do. When you recommend a product, I'm always like, bye, bye, bye.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Cause I trust you with my everything, but that's one that I do need to do.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
No, actually. So this is what's interesting. So I like to go to bed earlier than he does. And he works a lot. And he's a very present husband and father. But we're on different schedules sometimes. So what happens is we get into bed. We do our games. We chit-chat a little bit. And then he might go work for two or three hours, two hours.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But we have that moment of connection and we both really look forward to it. So some nights we don't eat dinner together, but we do reconvene in bed and just have that time together. And then if I'm traveling for work or he's traveling for work or things are particularly busy with our lives, which everyone has, that is something that we can come back to that automatically. clicks us back in.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So in a way, it's a shortcut, but it's not because we both cherish this so much. So if you, to your question, if you find, you don't always know that you're distancing as you're distancing, but suddenly you feel distance.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Yes, and you kind of feel it happening, but it's almost a train that's left the station, right? Yeah. So come back to the things that make you a couple. Come back to the things that make you you. And you have to know what those things are. So whether it's cooking together or taking a walk together or saying, we're going to watch this particular show together.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I don't always advocate for just watching a show because unless you interact about it, you're not totally connecting. But go schedule a day date somewhere. Do what makes you feel like you.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I fully advocate for date days.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And I want to be able to answer that it's positive relationships and ice cream. You might not approve of the ice cream thing.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Separately, but together.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Well, so here's where they could have gone really wrong. They're sitting at dinner. They are tired. They've gotten dressed up. Maybe they've put on some makeup. Whatever it is, that extra effort, that is real extra effort. If they didn't have a healthy channel of communication, then they both would have slogged through date night after date night after date night.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But they felt so comfortable with each other, comfortable enough to say, I don't feel like this is working for us, right? So that takes a level of comfortability to burst that bubble. Right. That you've built up in your head that this is going to work for us. So they clearly had a base level of connection for them to be able to say, we did this, but it's not working. Let's change it up.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So I applaud them for doing that. It wasn't enough.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I mean, sometimes we have a babysitter and it's cold and it's the winter and we just have the babysitter put our kids to bed. And we're hiding in our room. The kids don't even know we're home and we're watching a movie. Bedtime is just too much for us to handle after a long week. But we don't want that extra energy of going out to dinner. And it's a perfect balance for us.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I hope people in relationships will look to hear.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Actually, whatever high-end ice cream keeps us alive. But I 1 million percent believe that headline.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
The book is out.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I want to say before I pick these questions out, we keep saying there's 250 questions. Please don't be scared by 250 questions. These are in all types and walks of life, right? From sex to money to kids to weddings, all of these things. When you hear 250 questions, don't be scared. I promise you, when you do these... They are super sexy.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
It's such a pretty cover, isn't it?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And you might be putting this book down to go upstairs and have some sex because it happens. And it happens more than you think. So here's an important one from the Routines and Rituals
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
chapter that i think is actually very important if you're in a relationship so question 233 is it okay if i participate in some of your rituals and routines but not all i like this question because sometimes people want alone time and sometimes people are afraid to ask right so sometimes
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
people like they need to go, they need to do their grocery store run in the morning or they, they were in LA, right? They love to go to Erewhon in the morning and that's their moment of Zen. That's their bank bringing moment of Zen, but they like to do that. And their partner is, wants to spend time with them and they just need a moment alone.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But the person going to Erewhon is afraid to hurt the other one's feelings so doesn't say something. And the person that's joining them really just wants to be with their partner. And so that creates friction when if they just had a conversation that's like, I love you, but for my sanity, this has nothing to do with our partnership. I just need a moment alone. Could you let me have that?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Would it be okay with you? And then we can go do this later. So I find that sometimes people need alone time, but they're afraid to talk about it.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And, and to say to the other person, I don't love the word needy, but might be the more needy person in the relationship. I'm going to make you feel secure by doing whatever you need to feel secure, but you need to trust me that this will help this alone time will help me be a better partner.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So this is a fun one. This is just a great question that you can ask yourself. Actually, when you're getting to know someone or when you're together for a while, if we were stuck on a desert island together, what natural strengths would you bring to the table to help us survive and thrive? Not what things would you bring? But what strengths would you bring?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And it takes you down this beautiful rabbit hole of conversation. And when you've been with someone for a long time, it's interesting to hear what they think you bring versus what you think you would bring. So like I call my husband my life navigator because not only do I feel comfortable with him making decisions in our life, he happens to be a great map navigator.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So when we're on trips, he loves to be nerding out on those maps. And I trust him in any new city. But actually to take that plunge together and to play that game is a really fun, intimate exercise.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
She's amazing. Let's just show all your listeners here an outside point of view on Yasmin. She is just the toppest, toppest notch ever.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Which is different from real life, by the way.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I've known about it for 10 years.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
To go to a city and say you did it or say you saw it.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Another question that I like that is that exact sentiment that people don't think to ask is how do you like to be taken care of when you're sick? So when you have something like the common cold, how do you like to be looked after? Do you like to be looked after? Do you like to be in your room with the door closed, just listening to music and left alone?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Does it make you feel comforted if I remind you when you took Advil last and you need to take it again or bring you soup? It's a way for me to show you I care about you. Because I can take care of you when you're sick in a way that I really know makes you feel better.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But also having the conversation is the same as what you're saying of let me do all this for you because I expect this is what you want when you're ill.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I am like a just please leave me alone sick.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So I'm the opposite of needy sick. I just want to like rest and get through it.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
You can't even admit that you're sick. We should dig into that another time.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
She's beautiful.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
She's internally beautiful too, though.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But this is that pre-pre. And I'm so glad you did it. And I want to dig into how I feel about how you went about this. But I love that you did that.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
No, I don't totally agree with you there because that was you being your most authentic self. OK. Yeah. Again, I've known you for a long time. So you are that person who's like, I want to get deep. I want to understand you. I want to really have a viable, whether it's a friendship, a business relationship or a life partner. You don't. And you're honest.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And I find that for you, you putting yourself out there, if someone had said no to that, then that's actually not long-term viability with you because that's how you live your life.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Sure. I'm not ready for that, but I would love to think about it.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
It's an amazing cameo. You guys, you guys were so much fun to talk to.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But so let's talk for those people who are not in that situation.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Right. Who may not have the financial means to get therapy or go see someone, but who do really want to get to know someone on a deeper level. That's where this book is.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Comes in handy.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I love that you did this. It's just vibes with all of this.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And how much more intimate did you both feel when you opened yourself up to this experience? How, what intimacy did that create in you?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Being game is all it takes.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Absolutely.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Well, and this gives you ways to not be afraid to do it. That's what this is. There's so much, and you know it because you read it, but like there is so much comfort in hearing other people's stories of what they've been through to give you courage to be the Drew in this situation.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
At 45 minutes of your time, that's less than five hours. Which is nothing in the scheme of getting to know someone.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So I speak to a lot of experts in the book, you being one of them. I consider you an expert.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
To me, you are. But so I spoke with Lori Gottlieb, who's an amazing person. psychologist. And I really, I value her columns. I value her opinions. And she said something similar to what you were saying. She said some of her favorite sessions are with couples or people in situations like you before, before the big stuff.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
before they argue before they have to take these big life steps because she really she thinks that is quite a little secret to relationship success is hammering out what your life could be like or answering questions or saying you know what we want to set ourselves up for healthy partnership let's go speak to someone about it that to her is key. And I love that about her.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And then someone else I spoke with, Barbara Corcoran, who not at all a therapist, but very well known in the business world, in the real estate world. The first thing she said to me when I was interviewing her on the phone, I don't actually remember if this made it in the book, but she said, I wish people would do this in business.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I wish business partners would answer all of your questions because healthy partnership starts with communication. Yeah.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And if you don't know how to do it, there are, well now, there are tools to help you do it.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Well, the practicals are what enhance your romance. I know we'll get more into that, but that is the thesis of this book.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
No spoiler alert.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
He's an Englishman with a great accent.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
That's it.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I'm going to take you a little further back first. But I was that girl that I referred to who was walking down everyone else's... aisles. I wanted to find my person, but I couldn't. I was putting myself out there, but as I was walking down more aisles, I was retreating more into myself because I wanted to find it that we were referring to.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And I found that each date became so much more important to me because I had all these hopes and visions and dreams in my head that I found that I would be
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
sitting across from someone and he would ask a question or we'd be talking about something and I would almost be trying to answer in the way that I thought he would want me to answer, which is very funny because I'm a very strong-willed, I have a strong personality. In the business world, I will go for what I want. I'm not afraid. I'll talk to anybody. I work in media.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But the opposite was happening in my personal life. And as I was not succeeding, I was retreating. And I realized that I had to change my tactics and I had to really look toward myself about why am I feeling this way? What's going on? I thought I was ready, but I wasn't ready. But so I kept on dating and I met this Englishman. So we also...
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
met through friends, but it was not an intentional meet through friends. It was really a let's throw two people together who are single and in New York and might like each other kind of thing, right? So it could have gone either way. He was back and forth to him from London and I was filming a TV show in LA and we were very back and forth.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So we were texting, which is always very dangerous because you think you have this great banter. And then when you meet up, there's So many instances where there's just no chemistry there. And you're sitting across from this person who you've had this back and forth text with. And there's nothing there. But I did have, I had high hopes. And we had a great first date, which is in the book.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And you're right. So date two was the night after that. And literally 30 minutes before our second date, he was told he was going back to London. So what do you do when you know you already like someone?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I felt safe with him. I felt immediately like I could talk to him about anything. I didn't know whether that was true or not, but I felt very comfortable with him. Also, I have to say, and this applies to us, but I think that he was not from New York and there was the possibility of him being here or not being here. As someone who felt she was losing herself in the dating process,
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
He was low stakes. He could move back at any time or this could not last. So what it allowed me to be was 1 million percent me. And I liked me, but I was losing me. But with him, I found that I was not running my texts by anyone else, by my girlfriends. It wasn't like, hey, can I text this? What do you think he'll react?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
That's clue that maybe you're not totally being yourself there or maybe there are some games happening. And so we got to a point, he and I kept on seeing each other. So he was back in New York a lot, but he wasn't constantly in New York. And we were on FaceTime one night. And honestly, I don't remember what I said. I did not know I was on the cusp of a pivotal moment, but I said something to him.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And he had this reaction, this visceral reaction. He said, I just don't know you well enough yet. Oh, that like hit me in the heart because I thought I was opening myself up to him. And I was. But for whatever reason, he wasn't as fully there as I was. Because he's British. He's British. That's what it was. We just blame it on his culture, right?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So we got off FaceTime, and I could have done what I'd done in the past, what you knew me to do. millions of years ago, and I could have retreated. But something in me said, face this. Face what he is saying. And I remember, I remember exactly where I was. I was in my bed, in my pajamas. It was evening. And I Googled at that moment how to get to know someone better. That was my first instinct.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I listened to him. I didn't say, well, he's wrong. And I'm just going to retreat. And there are better guys in my city. I didn't go there. I liked him. So I leaned into what he said. And I thought, OK, if he feels we don't know each other well enough, I'm going to try and get to know him better. How do you do that? I started reading articles on different things.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But that was the seed of romances and practicalities. That was the, OK, let's know everything and anything we can about each other. And I had that moment, too, where I said to him, I came up with this idea. You had this comment. It hurt my feelings. And maybe I'm being a little too sensitive about it. But in that moment, it made me realize that I'm really into you.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And you're from another country and we're different religions and we have certain things that are different. There's something here that I feel like we could really build. So do you want to take the plunge with me? And I came up with a list of questions. And do you want to see where this brings us? And like Yasmin said for you, the Brit said yes to me. And that was big. And I know him now.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I'm married to him. He would not have said yes to just anybody. He wouldn't have done it. But he felt it too in a way that made him not retreat. So a bit of a long-winded origin to our story, but there was real thought behind that moment. And then this system that I created unofficially at first started helping other couples.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
When it started helping other couples and other people were getting back to me at how intimate it was, I thought there's a thing. There's a thing here. I'm going to then go to the science of it. And I'm going to get this backed by people who know the science of it. And then I'm going to throw my story on top of it and make it enjoyable.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And so here we are, many couples later who not only are pre-couples, but couples who have been married for a long time or people who have been out of relationships and want to do their next one better or healthier. It really helps in all those different realms.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I hate that.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
That means that you're taking a backseat. in your life. And you're letting things happen to you that you're not either putting out energy for or taking control of. Drew, it is 2025. I really want to change the landscape of how we put ourselves out there in the world, whether it's in business relationships, but here in romantic relationships. Nothing should just happen to you.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I do. And the one thing that really stuck out to me is I appreciate your ritual. But when you said that you also take time, not every week when you have these touch bases, but you both like to say who friend or family wise needs a little bit more attention this week. And how are we going to do that? I mean, that speaks volumes to who you are as people and who you are as a couple.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Also realizing that you can use your time to help others, but you're planning for it, which I would take comfort in that. And how does doing that and these touch-based moments, how does it make you feel?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So here's something that we do. I have to tell you is super both comforting and sexy to me. And you're going to laugh when I tell you what this is. All right, bring it on. So my husband's a numbers guy. He's a finance guy. And he's very good with... money and spreadsheets and all that kind of stuff. And that is not my strength.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I've learned so much from him in my philosophies on money and my philosophies on just how you live your life financially, right? And that's very natural to him. And there is a tendency in relationships like that. And that's stereotypical, right? In our relationship, the man has that expertise and the woman doesn't.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
A lot of couples then really get siloed in that and they don't talk about their finances if one person is not as good in that way. So he's always spreadsheeting something and he includes me in that process. And we pour over our finances together. This is what we're putting away for our kids each month. This is, you want to do a little extra spend this month? Look at that. Let's put this here.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Do you want to do, let's spend this on this. And we approach this as a team and there's nothing more, well, there are things that are more comforting, but in the scheme of things, there's not a lot that's more comforting for me who feels like the person lacking in that department.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
to be taken into this spreadsheet world, standing in front of his desk with his spreadsheet open and included in our financial planning, which by default, I could have just let him do. And he could have just done because it's my weakness. He doesn't make me feel less than he answers all my questions about things. And for me, it's super sexy.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
to get in there and to have those financial planning moments with him. It's not awkward because it's about money. It's ours.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Well, and for people who are already in relationships, I understand if it's not your pattern to have these regular check-ins or to bring things up. We are not saying that you need to sit your partner down and say, sit down. We need to talk about our sex life, right? Like, that's a little awkward. That's a little tricky, especially if it's not your pattern. Don't feel scared by this process.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
You should look at yourself, ask yourself questions. That's the first thing, right? The first thing is looking to yourself and saying, who am I? Who do I want to be? What works for me? What are my deal breakers? There are questions in here to help you do that. But if you just let the world happen, then you're taking a backseat to the world. And who wants to be in the backseat their whole lives?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Throw in a question here or there about money, about sex, about your families, right? And then say, that was great. I love talking to you about that. Can we do that more often? Or blame it on me. Blame it on me. Get this book, look through this book and say, I'm reading this book and it recommends we do this. Can we try it? Right? You just need that little in.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And I promise you, if your partner's willing to do it, then this can open up a whole new level of communication with you. And once you talk about it, it's easier to revisit it when something else comes up.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And what do you want to emulate versus not emulate, whether it was parental figures or figures in your lives?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
There's a question about that in the book, actually. If we don't argue, why not? And are we holding back something that we need to be talking about? Because if you don't fight, you need to talk about why you don't.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And you got very lucky because that's rare.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And when you don't pay attention to it, which we're not conditioned to do, so it's nobody's fault. It's not her fault if she didn't pay attention to it. But this is where when you talk about your childhood just being deeply embedded in you, you're not necessarily paying attention to it, but it's inside you.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I could. I could not agree with you more. I interviewed someone in the book who she was in her second marriage and her first one was a bit abusive and quite explosive. And then she met and found someone else who she had a much what she considered healthier relationship with.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And the first few times they argued, she wanted to just retreat because her past was that I need to pull back physically and emotionally because this is going to get explosive. And what her new and now husband made her do was sit right next to him. And they would hold each other's hands as they were figuring out whatever issue they were arguing about.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And she said it felt absolutely ridiculous at the time. But what it did was it brought down her nervous system. It made her feel safe. It made her feel like, okay, whatever is going on between us, we can come together on. And I don't need to go to that crazy reactive place that's really from my past and not in my present. So that's similar to what you're saying.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And I had a moment with the Brit where and this is one of the favorite questions in the book that I get that I hear a lot about. It's how do you argue? So to your point, I – Tell us. How do you argue? Well, I'll tell you how I argue. I am – I'll tell you how I argue.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Do you want to have an argument about that? I'm extraordinarily verbal and I want to work out what my thoughts are in the moment. I'm not a – I don't reach for nasty, rude, terrible things in arguments. I don't get like that. I don't get hurtful, right? But I do want to work out my thoughts. Now, my partner is the exact opposite. He needs a minute. He wants to take a step back.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
He wants a minute of quiet. He wants to – process. And really that does not work for someone like me who just wants to go, go, go and resolve it in the moment. I think I have a bit of a fear of if we don't resolve it now, then it's going to go on too long. That's sort of in the back of my head and I need to just get it out.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So we had a moment early in our relationship where we argued and it was at the nighttime and we got into bed and we had talked about a little bit. We were, I was operating the way I operate. He was operating the way he was operating. So we were completely separate and we got into bed and he turned over and he turned away from me. to turn his back to me.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And when I tell you how physically painful that was to me, he was not, he was tired. We had been arguing. It was completely unintentional. But to me, I felt like he's turning his back on me. And that moment was the first moment where I said, okay, we need to talk about this. This hurt my feelings that you just turned over because I feel we're not resolved.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And I feel like you turned your back on me. And I never want to feel that way again. But I feel like before we can work out what we want to work out, we need to talk about how we argue. And when we realized that we both have different needs in an argument, we came to the agreement, like you have one with you guys, that he lets me just go and get it out for a bit.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And then I take a pause and I let him sit with it for however long he needs initially. We take deep breath, whether it's 20 minutes, an hour or two minutes, whatever it is. And then we come back and we talk about it. And understanding how the other person argues then makes the argument not about how you argue. It makes the argument about what you're actually arguing about.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So I'm not getting all huffy because of how he behaves when we're not on the same page. And he's not getting annoyed because I can't stop like trying to talk about it. Does that make sense?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And so you don't lose the actual issue because you have a respect for what the other person needs in those moments. And that's another way to show them how you love them. I'm going to put myself aside for a moment for the benefit of how we operate together.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
We, well, we're funny and he always knows what to do to diffuse the situation. He's very good at that. So when I get heated, I also have in the back of my head, if this is a really serious thing, he needs a minute. So I kind of get it out and then I'm like, okay, let's just think about this and come back to each other. And then we go off and do whatever we do.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And then when we're both calm, it's like, Can we talk about this for real now? And it's that understanding of I got my stuff out. He got his time. And we've been doing it for so long now that it's less prescriptive. Yeah. And we really do address things as they happen.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So those when people have a more explosive disagreement or argument, we don't have those like we could have had because we're always talking about something.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But that's when you can let it go, right? Once you talk about it, there's that understanding and then you can let it go.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I also like when you're in those situations, take a minute, don't try and fix it, but ask the person what they need in that moment, right? Hey, do you feel like you need to talk about this right now? Hey, that's the New Yorker coming at me. That's the, hey, let's address this. But hey, do you need a minute? Or can I just listen right now? Do you need someone to listen? Do you need advice?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Do you need my thoughts? What's going to help this situation? Start there.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Let's go.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Yes, of course. I mean, this is so on trend with what we're talking about that it's not going to come as a surprise to any of your listeners. But she really talks about the sexual state of the union. Yeah. And exactly what we're saying, talk about it, right? Talk about your money. Talk about your finances. Talk about sex and talk about your physical intimacy.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And I know this is hard, but she then goes to lean into this talk about it makes it better and talk about it often.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So first of all, I think when you do something like the sex questions or you have your sexual talk or you start bringing things up, I actually think it's important to not do it in the bedroom. I think it's important to normalize talking about things like sex and intimacy.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And it's like, you know, when you have kids and you only read to them before bed, so they end up thinking that reading is only a bedtime thing. So reading during the day is very different, right? Sex is not only in the bedroom. Intimacy is not only in the bedroom. So I say have these conversations, exactly what you're saying, over wine, having a walk.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But before you get to my questions, I think it's important to understand what you like, what you don't like. Ask yourself some of these questions. Where am I at with my sexual health right now? Are there things I want to be doing? Are there things that make me uncomfortable? Right? So start with yourself. with these questions.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So here's one that seems a bit silly to ask, but is very important to ask. Do we have good sex? And is there anything you'd like me to do differently? I think people need to understand that when your partner brings up something sexual or in the bedroom, it's not always because something's wrong or something's bad, but it might be because they want to try something new or they feel safe with you.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So they want to explore other areas, right?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Well, so a lot of times couples get into a rut and they just think that we need to have sex and they don't take part into, is there a candle that's lit before? Does sex start with dinner? Does it start with what we're wearing before bed or not? And say things to your partner like, I really like when we do this. Could we try this? You can ease into these conversations.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I want to add years to people's lives, right? I want to help them find that healthy relationship. Relationships are great. Healthy relationships are superior to anything else. And you know what? You can do the work at the beginning of your relationship to make sure that you are finding that healthy relationship, that you're not in that situation.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
You don't have to hit it hard like we need to have a sexual state of the union. You can get there. But if it's something that's uncomfortable with you, start easy. How do you show love to others? How do you like when love is shown to you? Do you like when I touch you there? Things like that are easy ways into this. And I often find that there's one person who initiates more than the other person.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
That's an easy pattern to fall into. So if you're the one that's not initiating, think about why you're not initiating. Are you less interested in sex at the moment? If so, explain to your partner why, because that partner might be feeling hurt that they initiate so much.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
If you're the one that's initiating and you've gotten into that pattern, tell your partner that you'd like them to initiate more. Hey, I love it when you did this. Can you try and do that again? That makes me feel really good.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Absolutely.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
If you take things like questions and conversation and you engage with someone that you care about right from the beginning, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of of healthy conversation and happiness and positivity in your relationship. I mean, you're with your men's group for 10 years. Have you ever run out of things to ask or things to talk about?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Yeah, and I think not everyone has the same sex drive at the same time.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Right, right. It's definitely safe to say that most people don't. And there is a give and take in life in everything. And I always find that when you schedule, to go back to when you schedule sex, there are a lot of times where you don't feel like doing it before. And then you go through it and you do it and you think, God, that was so much better than I thought it would be.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And then you feel so much more connected to your partner. right?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
If you are not feeling like you can go straight into scheduling sex, if that's a big step for you, then I want people to go to the rituals and routines of it all, right? So if there's a step between where you are and helping your intimacy, go back to your rituals and routines because connect yourselves first if you're disconnected, and then you can get to the sexual of the connection.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Does that make sense?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So let's say you guys like to watch a show and you sit on opposite sides of the couch, snuggle up together, get physically closer. So you are at least within touching distance because that's going to make you want to touch each other more. Right? If you like to go for a walk, your friends are walking to their coffee in the morning before going to their workout class. Hold hands as you're walking.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Take baby steps. But you're doing something like this ritual that is bringing you closer. Now add in a little bit of physicality to that.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Exactly. Or if that's even too strong... Sit with your partner while they take a bath and talk to them and have a great conversation. Join them. That's what it is. It's joining them, right? And then it's building up to that physical level. And if you're in an intimate setting, start talking about sexy things. You know, it doesn't have to be acts of sex.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
It can be like, hey, I would like to get this piece of lingerie. Or do you like this color? I was thinking of wearing it to bed tonight. Something like that to get you talking about it. Bring it into your realms.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Right? But you set a foundation early on with this group of people to allow people to feel safe. And once you do that by opening yourselves up to each other, you can keep doing that. And that's the key. The key is to, it's not about the sex that you have right away. It's about the intimacy that you have right away. And intimacy doesn't just come from physical touch.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I'm loving this.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
It takes a lot of courage.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Once you start asking these questions, you won't stop because it really does open up that level of intimacy, trust. It helps in your physical relationships. It also helps you because you realize you have a perspective on certain things. And it's nice to have a perspective. It's nice to feel strongly about things if that makes sense.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
It comes from proper communication. Proper communication comes from understanding first and foremost how you communicate.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
A lot of times we float through life to get back to what we talked about right at the very beginning, right? Life happens to us. But when you have perspective and you have opinions, that's just a much stronger way to go through life and relationships. And it's a much more fulfilling way to do so.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So the final words are that this book... is here because I love love. I love self-love. I love couple love. And I most love healthy love. And I encourage your listeners to take a read and really look at these questions to understand What do you need to talk about and to go from there? That's why there are 250 of them.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
But I promise you that when you dive in, this will become a fun exercise, not a work exercise, not a tedious exercise, but it will open you up to a bit more bliss and joy and health in your romantic lives.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
You may and must jump around. This book is structured so that you make it work for you. This is a system, but it's not a system that can only be done in one way. And that's why it's great for listeners who are already in relationships or who are on a burgeoning point of a relationship. So use it in a way that it works best for you.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
You need to understand why. And that needs to be your conversation. Because if you're with the right person, you should be able to talk to them about anything and everything. And they should feel the same way with you.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So but if you're locked in, if you're married, I suggest you if you don't think that they're going to be on board to sit down and have a discussion or answer back and forth questions or do it that way, then I suggest you pick out your favorite things. And you weave them into conversation. It's not always seamless, but pick what you need to talk about and find a way in.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Don't let them know that you're doing this system if you think the perception of doing a system is going to make them take a step back.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Please bring in help. Please bring in help. If you get to the point where you think this is beyond me or I'm answering these questions, but it's bringing us to a place of knowing that we need help, go get help.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
There are lots of experts in this book and it's the same. That was me getting help, right? So if you need help, go get help.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
You're smiling big right now. I have no idea what's coming.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
There are.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Yeah.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Absolutely. So the toilet paper over or under is a great question. Are you an over or under guy? Well... Oh, gosh. I like you so much. Please don't say the wrong thing.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Do you want to know something? In all of my conversations about this, I have no one has, of course, you're the one with that answer, but no one has ever given me that answer. But it is a question that people have an opinion on.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Oh, my God. There are so many people right now that I know are under people who I can't wait to look up the patent for it and send it to them and show it as an over. So another one is, for example, do you like to cook or do you like to clean up or do you like laundry or do you like dishes? Like, which do you prefer?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And I find that those are great questions because I was on a podcast and I was with the podcaster and he said, can we ask a question of each other? And he just picked one. He gave me a number and I just read whatever that question was. And it was laundry or dishes. And we learned so much about each other in that moment. We were getting back to college stories of like dishes piling up.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And that's such an innocuous question that can lead to so much fun if you're willing to go there.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
No one's coming to clean your house.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So fact for you, there's a lot of research out there that says if you live together before you, let's say, get married or whatever that partnership looks like to you, you have less of a chance of succeeding if you live together before.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So there is plenty of research out there.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
So there's plenty of research that says that. But there is also a ton of research, and this is what I believe, that it's not about when you move in together. It's about how you move in together. So for those who moved in pre-pandemic or pandemic or for those who move in with each other because one of you live in a city and one of your rents
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And you're spending time at your partner's house anyway, so you think we should just move in together, right? That's actually okay as long as there's intentionality behind it. So it could be three months. It could be three weeks. It's not when. It's now.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
All the socials, Lindsay Jill Roth, find me. I want to hear your thoughts. I'm so excited to engage with people. You know, your book lives in a vacuum before it comes out. So now it's like I'm just letting it rip. So love to hear people's thoughts.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Slip into my DMs.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Thank you for having me.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. I just wrote a book on how to achieve healthy, lasting love. And I spoke with many experts, many couples, many people who have all validated this fact that finding people that you're comfortable with and happy with, and you feel you're authentic self with, that's what makes you happy.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Number one, this is top, top, top, top, top. Nothing competes with this.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
not listening to the person that you're with people show you who they are people tell you who they are but you have to listen to them and if you're not listening to them then you have to engage them to get them in a conversation to listen to them but actually people really do show you who they are from early on and i think our lives get in the way and we want for certain things let's say
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
You are the one who's walked down everybody else's aisle in so many other weddings. And all you want is your aisle, right? You and I have known each other since before we were married, since the single days. We both had our moments of wanting to find that other person. Sometimes you get blinded by what that want is. versus who the person is in front of you.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And I'm telling you, listen to that person because life is long. And if you're not happy or you're not yourself, then you have to find someone else.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
I think there are so many verticals. I can answer your question. You mentioned Disney romance, right? I think there is that theory of Disney romance. There are social media romances where you see what people have and you think that's what exists, but we don't know what goes on behind the camera, right? So there's that.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Then there's this societal pressure of the only way to live your life is to be married. This book is not how to get married. So let's get that right out from the beginning. This is about healthy love.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And whatever healthy love looks like to you, whether it's marriage, living together, living separately, being engaged, just a partnership, whatever works for you is okay as long as there's communication behind it. So I think there's those pressures. Look, God knows I had family members saying, when are you getting married? When are you getting married?
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And then once you're married, when are you having a kid? When are you having a kid? Then you have a kid. When's your next kid coming? So there's always something driving what our perceptions are. And I want people to get focused on who they are and what they want.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
And if you have these voices in your head, a family member saying to you, you should be married or you should do this, you can want that too. But understand if it's coming from you or it's coming from them. Be honest with yourself.
Dhru Purohit Show
Are You Sabotaging Your Romantic Relationships? What You Need to Know to Build the Marriage and Relationship of Your Dreams with Lindsay Roth
Yep. How could we have never talked about this is something that I hear all the time when people pick up this book.