Lisa Bilyeu

And I ask anyone listening right now, if you want to get shaken awake, ask yourself this question. What if the when never happens? So if you say, I'm going to do this when my husband is happy, what if he's never happy? I'm going to do this when I've got enough money in the bank. What if you never have enough money in the bank? What if that when never happens?

Are you okay with living in the means of where you are now? Are you happy doing that job? Are you happy doing that activity? Are you happy or are you just putting off your dream? Because you think eventually one day that excuse will go away, which spoiler alert, it never will.

Are you okay with living in the means of where you are now? Are you happy doing that job? Are you happy doing that activity? Are you happy or are you just putting off your dream? Because you think eventually one day that excuse will go away, which spoiler alert, it never will.

Yeah, I mean, I think it came from the idea of being a people pleaser, making everybody else happy. That's number one. Number two, I think it came from using gratitude as a piece to get through. And then what I realized over time is that gratitude of being grateful that I've got a husband that loves me. I'm grateful that I've got a roof over my head.

Yeah, I mean, I think it came from the idea of being a people pleaser, making everybody else happy. That's number one. Number two, I think it came from using gratitude as a piece to get through. And then what I realized over time is that gratitude of being grateful that I've got a husband that loves me. I'm grateful that I've got a roof over my head.

All these things that I was grateful for, I had to recognize, turned into toxic gratitude. And what that meant was the thing that helped me in the first year or two, like, all right, you're a housewife, you're not quite happy, but you know, I'm really grateful that I have a husband that loves me, right? That feels good.

All these things that I was grateful for, I had to recognize, turned into toxic gratitude. And what that meant was the thing that helped me in the first year or two, like, all right, you're a housewife, you're not quite happy, but you know, I'm really grateful that I have a husband that loves me, right? That feels good.

That second year, the third year, the fourth year, when you get to like year six, where you're using that same gratitude piece, it starts to become toxic. So now imagine my dreams and my desires are getting louder inside my head. They start off like a whisper, like, are you happy? And then they start getting louder and louder and louder.

That second year, the third year, the fourth year, when you get to like year six, where you're using that same gratitude piece, it starts to become toxic. So now imagine my dreams and my desires are getting louder inside my head. They start off like a whisper, like, are you happy? And then they start getting louder and louder and louder.

As that voice starts getting louder and louder, I ask myself, okay, is this gratitude that is making me feel better? Actually, it's the thing now that's holding me down. So when that voice gets louder, like, Lisa, you're not happy. That gratitude turns into, well, how ungratefully you... after year seven, after year eight. You want another life?

As that voice starts getting louder and louder, I ask myself, okay, is this gratitude that is making me feel better? Actually, it's the thing now that's holding me down. So when that voice gets louder, like, Lisa, you're not happy. That gratitude turns into, well, how ungratefully you... after year seven, after year eight. You want another life?

You want to go out and work when other women don't even have to work and you don't have to? How ungrateful are you? And what I realized was that gratitude piece was now actually keeping me stuck. It was creating the guilt and the shame for me to even want to speak up. So that's a big piece. I had to address the gratitude.

You want to go out and work when other women don't even have to work and you don't have to? How ungrateful are you? And what I realized was that gratitude piece was now actually keeping me stuck. It was creating the guilt and the shame for me to even want to speak up. So that's a big piece. I had to address the gratitude.

The second big, big piece that I don't think we talk about enough is the validation we get from people pleasing. It's easy to blame other people. I people please because I was brought up to do it. But the truth is, I feel good about people pleasing. Let's just take the extreme, Mother Teresa. She helped so many people. Are you telling me now Mother Teresa didn't get validation from helping people?

The second big, big piece that I don't think we talk about enough is the validation we get from people pleasing. It's easy to blame other people. I people please because I was brought up to do it. But the truth is, I feel good about people pleasing. Let's just take the extreme, Mother Teresa. She helped so many people. Are you telling me now Mother Teresa didn't get validation from helping people?

Of course she did. If she didn't get validation, she wouldn't have done it. So I go, okay, I'm getting validation from being the good Greek wife. I'm getting actual validation from being the woman that's willing to do the hard thing for her husband. And I'm scared to let go. And so what I call this in my book is the velvet handcuffs. It's going back to your comfortability of what you said before.

Of course she did. If she didn't get validation, she wouldn't have done it. So I go, okay, I'm getting validation from being the good Greek wife. I'm getting actual validation from being the woman that's willing to do the hard thing for her husband. And I'm scared to let go. And so what I call this in my book is the velvet handcuffs. It's going back to your comfortability of what you said before.

It's very comfortable to stay where you are. That's the velvet. That's the velvet around your wrist. It's like it's comfortable. It's soft. It feels familiar. But the handcuffs is the thing that keeps you there that allows you to never leave. So when I think about the reason why I didn't change and why I spent eight years, eight years, look at a human. Go from a baby to eight years old.

It's very comfortable to stay where you are. That's the velvet. That's the velvet around your wrist. It's like it's comfortable. It's soft. It feels familiar. But the handcuffs is the thing that keeps you there that allows you to never leave. So when I think about the reason why I didn't change and why I spent eight years, eight years, look at a human. Go from a baby to eight years old.

That's a long time. How on earth did I not speak up for eight years? It's because I was so afraid and I was so insecure about getting my validation from somewhere that I was afraid to let go of the one thing that I knew people were priding me on. And that was being a good Greek wife. So what I had to acknowledge in that moment is that the people pleasing was on me. It wasn't on anybody else.