Lisa Selin Davis

until I realized it was him, and he was asking me if I wanted to go swimming at Hadley Lazerne. Somehow, I managed to say yes, even though I could barely breathe. He had asked me on an actual date. I had taken LSD and made out with strangers at the Holiday Inn, but I had never been on a date.

until I realized it was him, and he was asking me if I wanted to go swimming at Hadley Lazerne. Somehow, I managed to say yes, even though I could barely breathe. He had asked me on an actual date. I had taken LSD and made out with strangers at the Holiday Inn, but I had never been on a date.

He picked me up in his battered yellow Subaru station wagon and we drove north, listening to the band X. It started pouring. We ducked into a cafe and he ordered coffee. I had never had coffee. I pretended I drank it black. It was bitter and gross and the best thing I ever tasted because he liked it. The rain didn't stop, so we went back to his house and listened to the replacements.

He picked me up in his battered yellow Subaru station wagon and we drove north, listening to the band X. It started pouring. We ducked into a cafe and he ordered coffee. I had never had coffee. I pretended I drank it black. It was bitter and gross and the best thing I ever tasted because he liked it. The rain didn't stop, so we went back to his house and listened to the replacements.

He had a job fixing bikes, and he smelled like something tangy called Cornhusker's Lotion, which he used to get the grease off. Nothing else happened that day, but I was so happy it hurt. After that, I kept seeing him, walking downtown, going to concerts, but we never touched. Then, one Saturday night, we met at the radio station at the local college where our friend had a show.

He had a job fixing bikes, and he smelled like something tangy called Cornhusker's Lotion, which he used to get the grease off. Nothing else happened that day, but I was so happy it hurt. After that, I kept seeing him, walking downtown, going to concerts, but we never touched. Then, one Saturday night, we met at the radio station at the local college where our friend had a show.

He and I took a walk. The night was warm and smelled of jewel weed, and there were meteor showers everywhere. He had that beautiful hair and the freckly collarbone, and it was way too much. The waiting had become intolerable. I stopped, turned toward him, and said, What is going on here? I was almost whining. What's happening? He grew quiet and looked down at his shoes. He mumbled again.

He and I took a walk. The night was warm and smelled of jewel weed, and there were meteor showers everywhere. He had that beautiful hair and the freckly collarbone, and it was way too much. The waiting had become intolerable. I stopped, turned toward him, and said, What is going on here? I was almost whining. What's happening? He grew quiet and looked down at his shoes. He mumbled again.

I think he said, I like you. But then he looked me clear in the eye and asked,

I think he said, I like you. But then he looked me clear in the eye and asked,

No one had ever said that to me. No one had ever been so solicitous and gentle and kind. No one had ever wanted me that way. They had used me that way, but never wanted me. I kissed him on the cheek as fast as I could and ran away, back to the radio station, amid the shelves of records and their musty cardboard smell.

No one had ever said that to me. No one had ever been so solicitous and gentle and kind. No one had ever wanted me that way. They had used me that way, but never wanted me. I kissed him on the cheek as fast as I could and ran away, back to the radio station, amid the shelves of records and their musty cardboard smell.

Ten minutes later, he found me there, pretending to study the cover of Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company's Cheap Thrills. Couldn't look at him. He whispered, his hot breath on my hair. Um, that wasn't really what I meant. We went to his house. He sat on the couch, I sat on the floor, and he made this awkward attempt to rub my shoulders.

Ten minutes later, he found me there, pretending to study the cover of Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company's Cheap Thrills. Couldn't look at him. He whispered, his hot breath on my hair. Um, that wasn't really what I meant. We went to his house. He sat on the couch, I sat on the floor, and he made this awkward attempt to rub my shoulders.

I was more on fire with desire and anticipation than I had ever been in my life. As he leaned down to kiss me, I scooted to the other side of the room.

I was more on fire with desire and anticipation than I had ever been in my life. As he leaned down to kiss me, I scooted to the other side of the room.

I asked him. Why are you interested in me? I was just stalling, but he actually paused to consider the question. Okay, he said, I'll tell you. He said I was cute and funny and good at the Travis style of fingerpicking and had good taste in music, which among our crowd was the highest compliment. My heart seemed to break upon hearing this list, but in a good way.

I asked him. Why are you interested in me? I was just stalling, but he actually paused to consider the question. Okay, he said, I'll tell you. He said I was cute and funny and good at the Travis style of fingerpicking and had good taste in music, which among our crowd was the highest compliment. My heart seemed to break upon hearing this list, but in a good way.

Everyone else in my life could rattle off a list of my faults, but the beautiful boy saw what was on the other side of my misdeeds. The lyrics to I'll Be Your Mirror go, Please put down your hands, because I see you. And it seemed he was able to see the beauty in me that I couldn't. He had his face very close to mine, that smell of cheap shampoo and Cornhusker's lotion.

Everyone else in my life could rattle off a list of my faults, but the beautiful boy saw what was on the other side of my misdeeds. The lyrics to I'll Be Your Mirror go, Please put down your hands, because I see you. And it seemed he was able to see the beauty in me that I couldn't. He had his face very close to mine, that smell of cheap shampoo and Cornhusker's lotion.