Loretta Ross
speaker
82 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Mar 2025
last heard Mar 2025
Loretta Ross’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
And she had one boy tell another boy, we don't say that word, you know, blah, blah, blah. You are a jerk for trying to say that word, that kind of thing. And I had her rewrite that passage, because if you're going to use the calling in technique, it wouldn't have been, Das ist eine tolle Erklärung, wie man jemanden anrufen kann.
Well, there's some preparation you have to do before you call somebody in. First you have to pause and take a deep breath. Because in that pause you're going to call yourself in first. And I find, as I said earlier, if I swallow that first trauma reaction and then give time for my integrity and intelligence to take over, that second thing I say is going to be the one that better represents me.
And by the way, Wenn du jemals einen Teenager geboren hast, weißt du das instinktiv. Weil wenn du das erste Mal aus deinem Mund sagst, wenn dir dein Teenager etwas falsch kommt, wird er in der Therapie für das Leben sein. Ich weine. Die Kinder pressen dich in den schlimmsten Zeiten. Aber lasst uns das instinktiv ausdrücken, was wir tun. Der zweite Schritt ist, ein Selbstassessment zu machen.
Because if you're not in a healed enough space for building a container for this conversation that you're going to have with somebody that you may disagree with, you may dislike, that you may be misunderstood by, all of the things that could go wrong in a conversation between two people who are trying to feel each other out and see how we can find out how we can communicate.
We're not as good as hiding how we actually feel as we think we are. And then After you've done that self-assessment, step three is to choose what your reaction is going to be by calibrating the conflict. Do I need a call out? Or can I just call on them to do better? Or should I call it off because this is going to be an unproductive conversation?
Or should I just get them cancelled because they had a chance to do better and now they're causing a whole lot of harm and they're refusing to be accountable? There's a buffet of options we have. One of the things that I say that's easily understood by people is that you can say what you mean and you can mean what you say, but you don't have to say it mean. That's always a choice.
Never pretend that it isn't. You have a choice about tone and temperature and register. Always. And of course I believe Maya Angelou when she says, people may forget what you said, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. And when I call on somebody or call them out or call them in, I want them to feel like I sincerely respect them and I've heard them.
I may disagree with them, but that doesn't mean that they don't deserve to be listened to. And by the way, one of the things I wish I'd put in the book, but I'm not sure if I covered it completely, is that we need to redefine what we mean by diversity. I want us to really focus on the diversity of human experiences and elevate that over these made-up identity markers that just serve capitalism.
I don't think I can ever remember any bad advice. And the reason I can't remember any bad advice, because if I think it's bad advice, I didn't pay attention anyway. I never follow bad advice. I've never jumped out of an airplane. I've never done a whole lot of things, because it seems stupid to me.
Leonard Zeskin, der mir alles über das Monitorieren von Hassgruppen und so weiter erzählt hat, sagte immer immer, Loretta, du musst dich leuchten, weil es Spaß macht, mit den Nazis zu kämpfen. Es ist, ein Nazi zu sein, das schmerzt. Und ich habe das zu mir interpretiert, dass wenn du nicht Spaß hast, für Hoffnung und Freude und Menschenrechte zu kämpfen, dann vielleicht machst du den Kampf falsch.
Denn wir sind diejenigen, die Spaß, Freude und Einheit mit der Menschheit haben sollen. Lass die Menschen, die uns gegen einander verteilen, die müde Leben haben. Was ist die Frage, die du für mich hast? Wie behältst du dein Ego in Ordnung, wenn du so dumm bist? Weil du nicht als ein Typ bist, der denkt, er weiß es alles. Und ich denke, das muss wahrscheinlich ein Schwung für dich sein.
Also wie tust du das? Weil mein Ego kann verrückt werden. Und es ist ein Schwung für mich jeden Tag.
Ich frage dich eine legitime Frage.
Okay.
Every genius I've ever met was an asshole in life. I'm like, wow. You know, when they handed this gift to you, they definitely gave you this leavening agent. I mean, you know, you gotta admire this and you're like, whoa, but this is what comes with it.
Or maybe I got the wrong definition of genius. I wrote a long passage about how we have to deal with the art and the artist at the same time. Ich werde mich nicht mehr auf Michael Jackson hören oder auf Picasso, weil er ein Idiot war. Ich kann das Kunstwerk nicht von den Künstlern entfernen. Ich mag es, das Kunstwerk mit dem Wissen des Künstlers zu akzeptieren.
Aber ich war auch so erstaunt, als ich meine Helden und She-Heroes kennengelernt habe und herausgefunden habe, was ihre Kleidung ist. Und so musste ich lernen, es als ein ganzes Package zu nehmen, anstatt sie einfach auf einem Pedestal zu stellen und die Klebe zu ignorieren. Ich habe gelernt, dass ich schlechte Geniuses mag, weil ich das geniusische Teil von ihnen liebe.
Nun, ich bin es. Wer ist es nicht? Listen, it's so delightful to be complicated. I guess I don't have that Pollyanna instinct. Matter of fact, I don't even like most people. So I find it amazing that I'm a human rights activist. I am an introvert. I get mad when my phone rings because they're interrupting my reading. No one is more surprised than me that I have a public-facing life and job.
Well, hopefully one day I will find the courage to do a podcast or something like that, because I'm told that's how you reach a lot of people nowadays.
And by the way, by the way, Adam, I have to apologize, because I didn't know you were a big fucking deal when I met you at that talk.
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