Lulu Miller

This little slice of quiet in the din, I felt so much affection for him because it seemed to me he had found a way to articulate the value of silence.

He's not a fluke in the gene pool.

In some populations, up to one in every 10 males is anatomically silent.

And so I wondered, there must be something about him that allows him to persist, something that the female is choosing over these vocalizing counterpoints.

I pictured a fin, something that was gorgeous but invisible to most, but through negative space looked like prize or attribute to some.

These are all fancy words for saying I am so sick of words.

Does anyone else feel that?

The more I use them for a living, the more I have come to mistrust them, that they are just these noisy puffs of hot air, laden not only with anger and violence and insecurity, but so many untruths.

That despite the etymology of communication, meaning to share, that words are distancing.

As I sink, I should have a better word for sink.

As I luxuriate into middle age, into mothering, into marriage, I find myself more and more turning to silence.

As anger rises in me or yearning, I turn to silence to coexist, to connect, to mend, to

to encounter some bit of good left in another person, left in this burning and blustery world.

And so I wondered, was there any way that what was going on in the fish could explain this, that the female fish was choosing in the silent male just a more pure and honest offering of self?

So I asked Dr. Bass,

So the silent male, does he use silence in a way that's analogous to like a rack of tail feathers or gorgeous antlers?

Like, is the silence a feature that he's actually like a way that he can like actively attract a female?

Okay, so then how does the silent male get the girl?

To get the girl, Dr. Bass explained, first of all, you need to know that they don't call him the silent male, but rather... Sneaker males.

And when you say sneaker male, it's not because he's sporting cool Reeboks.